Latest / Amazing Life Breakthrough / Ep 69 | What to Do When You’re the New Kid

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Ep 69 | What to Do When You’re the New Kid · Amazing Life Breakthrough

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever walked into a place where it seemed like everybody else already knew where they belonged?
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: It could be your first day of school or your first day on the job, and then you realize everyone knew just what to do, except for you.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: They knew where to sit, they knew who to talk to, they knew the routine, the unwritten rules, the inside jokes, and even which hallway would get them where they were going without having to stop and look at a map.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then there was you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe trying not to look new, which of course probably makes you feel even more new.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Earlier this week we talked about the beginning of the school year and how easy it is to become overwhelmed when you try to carry the whole year in your head at once.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: New schedules, school supplies, teachers, classes, tuition, books, transportation, lunches, homework, sports, activities, and all the other moving parts that come with going back to school.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: The encouragement was pretty simple.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Don't try to solve the entire year today.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Just take care of the next thing in front of you.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: But there's another part of going back to school that has very little to do with pencils, schedules, textbooks, or getting to class on time.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's belonging, and belonging can feel especially complicated when you're the new kid.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Amazing Life Breakthrough.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Steve Klein, and this is where we explore meaningful discoveries, real life lessons, and those moments that help us understand ourselves and each other a little better so we can live with greater purpose and live life to the fullest.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I know something about being the new kid because I remember changing schools in the middle of third grade.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Third grade is an interesting time to walk into a completely new environment.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: By that point in the year, everybody else already has some history together.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Friendships have formed, kids know each other's personalities, they figured out who they play with at recess, who they sit next to, and who they talk to during lunch.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then suddenly you're stepping into all of that.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: I remember it feeling different.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And at first it was tough if I was trying to figure out a new school while also trying to figure out where I fit within it.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: But something made that transition much easier for me.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I had someone there.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I had a friend or two, but one person in particular made a difference because this person happened to be my neighbor from across the street, and that mattered more than I probably understood at the time.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Here was somebody who already knew me outside of school.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't just the new kid to this person, and I was Steve.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of leaving me to figure everything out on my own, this person treated me with respect, made me feel like I belonged, and introduced me to other people.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Think about how powerful that is when you're eight or nine years old.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: You're walking into an unfamiliar place, and someone essentially says through their actions, You're okay, come with me, I'll show you around.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: These are the people I know.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Suddenly, this giant, unfamiliar environment gets a little smaller.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: The unknown becomes a little more known.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: And the feeling that everybody is looking at you starts to fade because now you're standing next to somebody who already knows your name.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Looking back, I think there's a much bigger lesson there than simply how to survive changing schools.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: When you're new somewhere, you don't necessarily need 20 new friends.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: You need a starting point.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: You need one connection, one conversation, one person who treats you like you matter.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: We sometimes put enormous pressure on ourselves when entering a new environment because we think we have to immediately fit in.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: We think we need to impress people, we need to be interesting and we need to say the right thing.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: We need to find our group.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: And if that doesn't happen immediately, we can start wondering whether something is wrong.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: But belonging usually doesn't happen all at once.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: It grows.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: One interaction becomes another.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: You learn a name, someone learns yours, you sit next to the same person a few times, you discover that you both like the same activity, the same subject, the same sport, the same music.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you just laugh at the same ridiculous thing that happened in class.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Those little moments accumulate, and eventually the place where you once felt like a stranger starts becoming your place too.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's especially important for young people to understand because the first few days of school can make everything feel permanent.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: If you have one awkward lunch, it can feel like every lunch is going to be that way.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know anybody in your first class, you can start thinking you're going to be alone all year.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: If the first conversation doesn't go particularly well, you might think, maybe I don't belong here.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: But one day is not the whole story, neither is one week.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: You're still learning the place, and the place is still learning you.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And for parents listening to this, I think there is something useful here too.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes when our kids are uncomfortable, our instinct is to fix the discomfort immediately.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: We want to solve the friendship problem, we want to make the school easier, we want to make sure they're included.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And certainly there are times when a parent needs to step in, especially if something serious is happening.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: But ordinary newness has its own awkwardness.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes a child doesn't need the entire situation fixed.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: They need encouragement to make the next connection.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's as simple as asking, was there one person you talked to today?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Not, did you make a bunch of friends?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Not do you like everybody?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Just was there one person you talked to?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: That feels manageable.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because relationships often begin with one person, and here's another side of this that I think matters just as much.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're not the new kid, maybe you're the person who already knows everybody, maybe you're the student who knows the school, understands the routines, and already has a group of people around you.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: If that's you, you have more influence than you might realize.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: You could be the person across the street for somebody else.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: You could be the one who notices the person standing alone, and you could be the one who says, Hey, come sit over here.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: You could be the one who introduces somebody.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: This is Sarah.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is James.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is Miguel.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: This is our group.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Those might feel like very small gestures to the person offering them, but they may not feel small at all to the person receiving them.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: I still remember someone doing that for me all these years later.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us probably don't remember every assignment we completed in third grade.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: We don't remember every worksheet.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: We probably don't remember what was served for lunch on a particular Tuesday, but we remember people.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: We remember how they made us feel when we were uncertain.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: We remember who welcomed us.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: We remember who embarrassed us.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: We remember who included us.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lesson in that for adults too, because eventually school ends.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: But being the new kid doesn't, you start a new job and you're the new kid again.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: You move to a new neighborhood and you're the new kid on the block.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: You join a church, a club, a volunteer organization or community group, and suddenly you're trying to remember names and figure out how everything works.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: You walk into a conference where everybody seems to know somebody except you, you start a new career, you enter a new season of life, we keep becoming the new kid over and over again, and each time the same principles still work.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: First, don't expect instant belonging.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Give it some time.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: New places become familiar through repetition.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Second, look for one connection instead of trying to connect with everybody at once.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Say hello, ask a question, learn one person's name, sit somewhere instead of waiting for someone to invite you.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes belonging begins with simply being willing to participate before you feel completely comfortable.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And third, don't mistake unfamiliarity for rejection.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Just because people don't know you yet doesn't mean they don't like you.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they're simply living inside routines and relationships they've already built.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: You are entering a story that's already in progress.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Give people a chance to know you and give yourself a chance to become known.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: But I also want to turn this around one more time.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you've ever been the new kid, remember what that felt like when you see somebody else entering your world.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Remember the uncertainty.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Remember the little questions running through your mind.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Where do I go?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Who do I talk to?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Am I welcome here?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Do these people even want me around?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then do something simple.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Be the person who answers one of those questions without making them ask.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Come with me.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Sit here.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'll show you where that is.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Let me introduce you.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Simple words.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Potentially enormous impact.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: That neighbor across the street probably didn't wake up thinking, Today I'm going to create a memory Steve will still talk about decades later.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: They were simply kind and they welcomed somebody they knew into a place that was unfamiliar.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that's how the most meaningful things in life happen.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: We don't always know the importance of what we're doing while we're doing it.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: So here's my challenge for you today.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you're the new person somewhere, don't worry about finding your entire place all at once.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: Find one connection, have one conversation, introduce yourself to one person, let tomorrow build on today.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're already comfortable where you are, look around.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Is there somebody new?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody standing at the edge of the room, somebody who doesn't know the routine yet.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your meaningful action today is simply making room.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because belonging doesn't always begin when an entire group opens its arms.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it begins when one person moves over and says, There's room here.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you know a parent, a student, or someone who's entering a new season of life, share this episode with them.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: And if these kinds of conversations are helpful to you, follow or subscribe to Amazing Life Breakthrough so you don't miss what's coming next.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Steve Klein.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for spending this time with me.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And whether you're the new kid today or the person who has the opportunity to welcome one, remember how much one small act of kindness can matter.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: And remember to live life to the fullest.