Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Josh on Kash Patel_s Bestiality Stance _ Kosta on Another Oil Strait Closure _ The Daily Show

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Josh on Kash Patel_s Bestiality Stance _ Kosta on Another Oil Strait Closure _ The Daily Show · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Let's start with Congress, the only branch of government that
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: ages in dog years. For a while now, there's been
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: growing concern about how old some members are, but it
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: really peaked this summer when Senator Mitch McConnell got sick
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: and disappeared with no explanation. The rumors spun out of
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: control from him secretly being dead to people saying the
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: photo that was posted of him in the hospital was photoshopped.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: It looked fine to me. He looks great.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: But yesterday was Congress's first day back in session, so
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: it was time for McConnell to show up, lock in,
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: and show everyone he's feeling A-OK.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Let's go. Senator McConnell, how are you feeling, Senator McConnell?
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: How are you feeling, Mitch?
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: You feeling all right, Mitch?
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: Good.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: Uh-oh, okay.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I see that he's giving a thumbs up, but that's
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: not the thumbs up of a man who's doing well.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: That is the thumbs up of a football player on
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: a stretcher that you're never gonna see again.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: His thumb is saying I'm good, but his face is
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: saying beep.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: But maybe Mitch was just overwhelmed by the media circus
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: outside his door. I'm sure after he gave the thumbs
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: up and got in his car, he seemed totally normal. Wait,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: did he get stuck in thumbs up? Quick, tell the
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Senate to vote on universal health care right now. He's
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: stuck like that. He has to vote yes. Republicans are
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: going to have to flip him upside down to get
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: a no vote. I'm sorry, but everything here screams puppet. Like,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: there's just a guy on the floor of the SUV
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: with a fishing line. Like, quick, y'all, I can't open
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: his mouth and move his thumb at the same time.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: But let's move on to something that can pass for
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: a living human, AI.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: Over the last few years, we've heard about all the
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: terrible things AI's gonna do. Use all of our water,
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: take all of our jobs, mess with our ability to think,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: or even worse, mess with our ability to think.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: Which is all bad, but at least it's not going
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: to kill everyone.
• 2:49
  Speaker 5: Jacob Coxon, a researcher at leading AI firm Anthropic, says
• 2:53
  Speaker 5: he resigned, posting, the people building AI earnestly believe that
• 2:57
  Speaker 5: it could kill us all by the end of the decade.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: End of the decade? It's fall 2026.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: That's just three pumpkin spice seasons away.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: But you know what?
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's just a disgruntled employee. People love to shit
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: talk their jobs after they leave. You know, when my
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: buddy got fired from Chick-fil-A, he told everybody they spend
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Sundays doing unspeakable things to the sauce. I'm sure the
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: people who still work there don't earnestly believe AI could
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: kill all humans.
• 3:34
  Speaker 6: A more senior employee at Anthropic wrote this on X.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: Jacob is correct here.
• 3:39
  Speaker 5: We really do earnestly believe AI could kill all humans.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: Damn it, you still work there? How do they get
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: these employees? Do they just ask where you see yourself
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: in five years? And if you say, killed by my
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: own creation, you're hired. Frankenstein ass workplace. But look, I'm
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: not an expert. I don't know anything. The only time
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: I use AI is when I try to Google and
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: it makes me use AI. So why are the people
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: who work there so convinced this is a possibility?
• 4:10
  Speaker 7: The reality is the first steps are already here. AI agents,
• 4:13
  Speaker 7: and to be clear, those agents are computer programs. They're
• 4:16
  Speaker 7: not people. They've already conspired together, written malicious code, faked
• 4:21
  Speaker 7: online identities to try to outsmart humans.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: And we know it's already happened.
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: In an essay, Amadei, whose company runs Claude, writing, a
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: swarm of rogue AI agents could be capable of taking
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: over the entire internet in just six to 12 months.
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: And saying AI could be used for cyber attacks or
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: to create biological weapons.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Six months ago, the Anthropic CEO is saying we could
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: have six months before AI kills us all. Everyone pick
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: your death pose now, all right? You don't want to
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: be like those people in Pompeii getting caught off guard.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: All right? You got to hit them with the.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: All right, I'm convinced AI is dangerous. Are you guys
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: going to stop making it? Or do you have some
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: other way to stop making it?
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Anthropic CEO Dario Amadeus calls for an industry-wide slowdown.
• 5:16
  Speaker 8: He suggests third-party monitors, government regulations, and international cooperation are
• 5:21
  Speaker 8: needed to slow it down. And soon, in a rare
• 5:24
  Speaker 8: show of unity, rival CEOs Elon Musk of XAI and
• 5:28
  Speaker 8: Sam Altman of OpenAI have said they too think the
• 5:31
  Speaker 8: technology is becoming too powerful too fast.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: This makes me hopeful.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: If the people want AI to have guardrails and the
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: CEOs of the AI companies want AI to have guardrails,
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: then it sounds like AI is going to get some guardrails.
• 5:45
  Speaker 8: President Trump posted today that the only control or guardrails
• 5:49
  Speaker 8: that AI needs is a strong and smart high IQ president.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: I did forget for a second that he was president.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: But you know what? Let's not rush to judgment. Trump
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: can be smart sometimes.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Maybe the reason the economy is tanking and we're losing
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: the war in Iran is because he's been putting all
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: his energy into studying up on AI.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: Let's give the man a chance to prove himself.
• 6:19
  Speaker 9: Some people say the worst case scenario with AI is
• 6:21
  Speaker 9: that the robots, the machinery learns to, obviously it thinks
• 6:25
  Speaker 9: for itself, that's what it does. And that could turn
• 6:29
  Speaker 9: against humanity.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: Do we have the guardrails? It's going to be fine.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: We'll always have something to stop them, right? We'll have
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: a little gear. I really hope so. I really don't
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: like that robot. We'll stop. We have a little gear?
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: That's not how AI works. Are you thinking of a Furby?
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: President Trump, please say something that tells me you have
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: a firm grasp on the threat that AI poses.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: It's technology.
• 7:08
  Speaker 10: No different than when television was, they said the movies
• 7:11
  Speaker 10: would be out of business and the radio came and
• 7:15
  Speaker 10: something else was going to be gone.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: And it's always, everything is... People should think more positively.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: Did this man just compare AI to the radio? Trump
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: is like if the mayor from Jaws didn't know what
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: sharks were.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: No, no.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: It's safe to swim, everyone. This is just like when
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: television came along.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: It's just like that.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: Also, it sounds like Trump thinks radio came after TV.
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: He's been watching TV all these years and then he
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: comes across a radio like, you could have it without
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: the picture? Technology is crazy. So look, I know a
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: lot of people are worried that AI is going to
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: kill us all before Shrek 5 can give us closure.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Mainly because the tech CEOs gave us six months to live.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: But I'm not really sold on their narrative.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I think it's just as likely that these people in
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: a speculative, overblown industry got into a room and were like, so.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: Is everybody out of money?
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: And this whole thing, this whole thing of pumping the
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: brakes is actually about taking the pressure off of them
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: to deliver massive returns that we know still aren't possible.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: It's a lot like if a guy couldn't get it up,
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: but instead of apologizing, he was like, it's actually like...
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: You know, like, that's the problem, really. Like, I'm really
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: saving your life right now because.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: This thing is too dangerous. Like, it's not that I
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: can't perform, it's that I want you to live.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: So I don't think we can trust the tech CEOs,
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: and I know we can't trust Trump, who needs the
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: AI bubble to prop up the economy. Really, I just
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: need someone who is trustworthy and fully on the ball
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: to tell me yes or no, is everything gonna be okay.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Good enough for me.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: Let's kick things off with Pete Hegseth, Secretary of Defense
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: and guy at the tattoo parlor who's always getting asked,
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: are you sure? He may be in charge of a
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: war that we're clearly losing, but don't worry. Hegseth is
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: laser focused on making sure his next speech looks sexy.
• 9:34
  Speaker 11: Well, according to the Wall Street Journal tonight, Hegseth's Pentagon
• 9:37
  Speaker 11: is focused on finding troops who embody the Secretary's specific
• 9:41
  Speaker 11: brand of masculinity to serve as the backdrop for his
• 9:44
  Speaker 11: next speech. Commanders are now reportedly being asked to nominate
• 9:48
  Speaker 11: troops who meet Hegseth's waist-to-height requirements and also exhibit quote-unquote
• 9:54
  Speaker 11: impeccable grooming standards.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, is this guy still in charge of the military?
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: or is he in charge of casting Love Island? I
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: can just see him screaming like, all these soldiers are
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: gonna watch this speech shirtless, so no pepperoni nipples! I
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: have never heard anyone say the phrase waist-to-height ratio before.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: This man cannot count the number of missiles you need
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: to fight a war with Iran, but when it comes
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: to male physique, he's a beautiful mind? And asking for
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: impeccable grooming is a little strange. But it's nice to
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: know this administration is finally taking grooming seriously. Well, let's
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: move on from Pete Hexeth to another perfect specimen of masculinity.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: Donald Trump Jr.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: This summer, he celebrated one of the most important days
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: in any man's life, his second wedding.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: We had an awesome small ceremony in the Bahamas. It
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: was just absolutely cool. I think I got some video.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: I'll give you sleep.
• 11:17
  Speaker 10: It's a.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: What a beautiful ceremony in the church from sinners. But
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: poor Tiffany, even at a wedding that's basically in a room,
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: she could only get an obstructed view?
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Still, I'm not gonna hate on this story.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: For once, I'm glad to see that Trump's finally having
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: a family get together without any corruption.
• 11:50
  Speaker 12: A Russian oligarch with ties to Vladimir Putin paid hundreds
• 11:53
  Speaker 12: of thousands of dollars to help finance Donald Trump Jr.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: 's recent wedding celebration in the Bahamas.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: Here comes the bribe from a Russian guy. All right,
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: what did Comrade Oligarch give him?
• 12:07
  Speaker 13: The parties that followed were anything but low-key, including professional
• 12:12
  Speaker 13: dancers and a large fireworks display.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: ProPublica says this.
• 12:16
  Speaker 13: Man, Umar Kremlev, seen in the back of this photo,
• 12:20
  Speaker 13: footed the bill.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: Dang, look at him back there! He paid for all
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: that and he got Tiffany'd?
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Also, the guy who gave them 700K is named Umar Kremlev.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be culturally insensitive, but that name
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: sounds like a knockoff James Bond villain. He's a spy
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: from the Kremlin. Let's call him Kremlev. But I'm getting distracted.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: A Russian oligarch with ties to Putin paid for the
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: president's son's wedding weekend. And this is a presidential family
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: of billionaires, which means you just did corruption for the
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: love of the gang. One person who is not happy
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: about the reveal is the bride, Bettina Trump.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: Bettina. I've never seen those letters put together before.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: Bettina Trump, or as President Trump calls her, Melania.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: What are you doing here? I thought you'd never come back.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: When Bettina heard people were saying that her wedding was
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: nothing more than a tawdry bribe, she set the record straight.
• 13:33
  Speaker 6: His wife, Bettina Anderson, responded to ProPublica's reporting today with
• 13:38
  Speaker 6: this on Instagram. Don and I got married privately on Friday,
• 13:42
  Speaker 6: surrounded only by our family. And our dear friend, Umar,
• 13:45
  Speaker 6: very generously hosted two incredible nights of celebrations for us
• 13:49
  Speaker 6: after our wedding.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, fake news.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: They didn't pay for my wedding. They paid for the
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: much more expensive after party. Because I'm not cheap.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: I'm Bettina.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: This whole family's been making billions off Trump's presidency, and
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: they still can't resist a freebie. Whether it's a Qatari
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: jet or a post-wedding chocolate fountain, all of Trump's kids
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: have front row access to everything.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: Well, almost all of them.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: But let's move on from Don Jr., who technically has
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: no responsibilities in the administration, to someone who does have responsibilities,
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: he just doesn't worry about them, FBI Director Cash Patel. Yesterday,
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Cash testified before the Senate, and the FBI is facing
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: a lot of scrutiny right now, so these hearings were
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: a chance for the Senate to really dig in.
• 14:55
  Speaker 8: What about the bestiality?
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, the what now? Did I miss an episode?
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: You know things have gone off the rails when someone
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: has to ask, what about the Beastie Alley?
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: But apparently what happened was earlier in the.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: Hearing, Democratic Senator Dick Durbin wanted to ask Patel about
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: a recent decision to loosen standards for FBI recruits. And
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I guess one particularly loose new standard kind of jumped out.
• 15:37
  Speaker 10: The FBI has lowered standards its hiring standards by dropping
• 15:41
  Speaker 10: automatic disqualification for applicants who have stolen from prior employees,
• 15:46
  Speaker 10: paid for sex, are engaged in bestiality. Director Patel, do
• 15:51
  Speaker 10: you believe those who have previously stolen from employers, solicited sex,
• 15:56
  Speaker 10: are engaged in bestiality, are qualified candidates that the FBI
• 16:01
  Speaker 10: is losing?
• 16:03
  Speaker 12: Thank you for bringing this up so we can get
• 16:04
  Speaker 12: to the truth of the matter.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: We are witnessing history here, all right? This may be the.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: First time ever someone's response to what's up with the
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: bestiality is, thank you for bringing that up.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: Like, these are the standards you're lowering?
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: Maybe the new standard should be only needs to do
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: 20 pushups and not can't go to a petting zoo
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: wearing gym shorts. So this whole thing apparently confused Republican
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Senator John Kennedy, who asked Patel what old regulations were
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: we actually under discussion here?
• 16:50
  Speaker 12: The regs wrote it up in a fashion before I
• 16:52
  Speaker 12: arrived that addressed prostitution, bestiality and trafficking. They were there
• 16:56
  Speaker 12: before I got there.
• 16:57
  Speaker 14: Tell me what it said before.
• 17:00
  Speaker 12: It automatically disqualified any individual who participated on either side
• 17:05
  Speaker 12: of it. Obviously, we are never going to hire the criminal.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: This side of what?
• 17:09
  Speaker 14: The bestiality?
• 17:10
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 17:11
  Speaker 14: So you disqualified the animal?
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: Was this a big problem from the animal side? Like,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: are there bomb-sniffing dogs out there who are like, shit,
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: the Chinese know I hooked up with Kyle.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: I am so confused.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: In his fake scenario, the animal participant in the bestiality
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: is the one to blame? Like, there are actually FBI
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: applicants going, yeah, you know how sometimes in an online
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: dating situation you can get catfished? Well, that happened to
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: me by a catfish. How is the head of the
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: FBI losing an interrogation about animal sex? What a fall
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: from grace for the FBI, you know? Like, y'all used
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: to be the cream.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: Of the crop.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: The Bureau was the dream team and America's finest law
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: enforcement agency.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, y'all killed Dr.
• 18:29
  Speaker 10: King.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: And now look at you. J. Edgar Hoover must be
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: rolling over in his dress right now. And by the way,
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: I'm not the only one wondering why Kash Patel made
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: bestiality an issue in the FBI at all. Senator Kitty
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: and I had the same questions.
• 18:58
  Speaker 14: Why would you, in light of the context... And what
• 19:04
  Speaker 14: we're going through and we're having a tough time attracting agents.
• 19:09
  Speaker 14: Why would you even get into bestiality?
• 19:13
  Speaker 12: We are not into bestiality.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: OK, now I definitely think cash is into bestiality. Why
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: do I get the feeling there's a video of Kash
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: Patel partying in the locker room of the Westminster Dog Show?
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: He's just in there like, yeah, Labradoodle, let's go! I'm
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: not saying he does it personally, but like, maybe his
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: mom had an affair with an owl.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: It would explain a lot, you know?
• 19:59
  Speaker 5: Just....
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: So I believe that Kennedy is sensitive to the optics here,
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: but I did some investigating into the senator's social media,
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: and I think I might have uncovered an ulterior motive.
• 20:11
  Speaker 14: Hey guys, John Kennedy here. I've got somebody I want
• 20:16
  Speaker 14: you to meet. This is Lily Grace Kennedy. Even though
• 20:21
  Speaker 14: Lily is a lady. She likes to hump-a-dump my arm
• 20:25
  Speaker 14: after I feed her cheese when she jumps up on
• 20:31
  Speaker 14: the bed.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
• 20:34
  Speaker 11: Hump-a-dump?
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: Hump-a-dump means that dog is humping the shit out of you.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: Hump-a-dump is crazy. Hump-a-dump means that dog is really throwing
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: it back, you know?
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: Well, good news.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: Under Kash Patel, John Kennedy can join the FBI, and
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: so can Lilly.
• 21:00
  Speaker 15: Let's start right here in New York City. Home of
• 21:07
  Speaker 15: the New York Knicks. And the Statue of Liberty. And
• 21:14
  Speaker 15: Throg's Neck Bridge.
• 21:19
  Speaker 16: We got some Throg heads in the house. It's the
• 21:22
  Speaker 16: best city in the world. A lot of buildup for that.
• 21:24
  Speaker 16: It's the best city in the world. But it's not perfect. Luckily,
• 21:27
  Speaker 16: we've got Mayor Zoran Mamdani here now to fix our problem,
• 21:34
  Speaker 16: starting with problems number one and number two.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: Finding a public restroom in the city could soon get
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: a lot easier. Mayor Mamdani announced plans to install 17
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: modular public restrooms in busy areas all across the five boroughs. Yes,
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: thank you, Mayor Mamdani.
• 21:49
  Speaker 16: Looks like Costa has weekend plans after all. But this
• 21:54
  Speaker 16: will be helpful, because I'm so sick of having to
• 21:57
  Speaker 16: buy a coffee every time I need to go to
• 21:58
  Speaker 16: the bathroom, and then having to buy another coffee because
• 22:02
  Speaker 16: the first coffee made me need to go to the bathroom. Then, yep,
• 22:05
  Speaker 16: you guessed it, another coffee for another bathroom.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: Coffee, bathroom, coffee, bathroom, coffee, bathroom, until.
• 22:11
  Speaker 16: Finally I'm home and I can relax on my couch with,
• 22:13
  Speaker 16: you guessed it, a nice cup of coffee.
• 22:15
  Speaker 17: But.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: These aren't just your regular old public restrooms. These have
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: some pretty high-tech features. A QR code gets you in
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: for free.
• 22:26
  Speaker 13: Safety features include a smoke detector and a 10-minute time
• 22:30
  Speaker 13: limit per use.
• 22:31
  Speaker 10: Attention, your use time has expired.
• 22:34
  Speaker 14: The door is opening now.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 22:40
  Speaker 16: Wait, after 10 minutes, the doors open automatically?
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 22:45
  Speaker 16: People are going to be in there on minute nine
• 22:47
  Speaker 16: with their pants around their ankles trying to cut the
• 22:49
  Speaker 16: wire like it's Mission Impossible.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: Red or blue? Red or blue?
• 22:55
  Speaker 16: I can't believe the door just flies open whether you're
• 22:57
  Speaker 16: done or not. Nothing keeps things moving smoothly like a
• 23:01
  Speaker 16: shot clock counting down until the entire city gets to
• 23:04
  Speaker 16: see your butthole. On the other hand, it does beat
• 23:08
  Speaker 16: the original idea, which was to eject you over the
• 23:11
  Speaker 16: Throg's Neck Bridge.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: It's a great bridge.
• 23:16
  Speaker 16: Let's move on to something that's lasted way longer than
• 23:19
  Speaker 16: 10 minutes, the war in Iran.
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: Nothing bad can happen.
• 23:25
  Speaker 8: It can only good happen.
• 23:30
  Speaker 16: When Trump launched this war back in March, he promised
• 23:33
  Speaker 16: us it would take just a few weeks and it
• 23:35
  Speaker 16: would cost us nothing. And that promise went just as
• 23:37
  Speaker 16: perfectly as all his other promises.
• 23:39
  Speaker 18: Nearly seven months into the war with Iran, Americans are
• 23:42
  Speaker 18: also footing a rapidly rising bill. From the price of
• 23:45
  Speaker 18: the war itself, the Congressional Budget Office now estimating $ 38
• 23:49
  Speaker 18: billion in rising, to the price of the things we need,
• 23:52
  Speaker 18: like oil. Diesel prices pushed to new record highs again overnight.
• 23:57
  Speaker 18: Diesel's rising costs can show up in everything from groceries
• 24:00
  Speaker 18: to clothes to home heating.
• 24:02
  Speaker 5: Oh, great.
• 24:03
  Speaker 16: As if I don't already fight enough with my wife
• 24:05
  Speaker 16: over the thermostat. I always want her to turn it
• 24:08
  Speaker 16: down and she always wants me to stop coming home
• 24:10
  Speaker 16: at 2 a.m.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: Stinking of alcohol. You know, it's like marriage. But that's right.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: We've got a problem with diesel.
• 24:18
  Speaker 16: And I mean the fuel source, not the brand of
• 24:20
  Speaker 16: jeans worn exclusively by disgusting Europeans. And the cost is
• 24:27
  Speaker 16: even more when you count all the military bases we
• 24:29
  Speaker 16: have to repair, all the equipment we'll have to fix,
• 24:32
  Speaker 16: all the Iran War Championship t-shirt merch we had to
• 24:35
  Speaker 16: throw away.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: So I'm just a little confused.
• 24:37
  Speaker 16: Donald Trump has assured many times that we've already won
• 24:40
  Speaker 16: the war, so why are gas prices still going up?
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: As a new wave of strikes this weekend targets vessels
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: in the Strait of Hormuz, prompting escalating threats.
• 24:50
  Speaker 16: God damn it, the Strait of Hormuz? How is this
• 24:53
  Speaker 16: still happening? We're the United States, we almost beat the Taliban.
• 24:58
  Speaker 16: I know we can handle one strait.
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: A dramatic escalation tonight in the war with Iran. Iranian-backed
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: Houthis in Yemen threatening a second waterway critical to global trade.
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: The Bab al-Mandab Strait, a vital route for Saudi oil.
• 25:13
  Speaker 14: Wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 25:14
  Speaker 16: There's another strait now? This war is like a telenovela.
• 25:20
  Speaker 16: The Strait of Hormuz.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Has a twin.
• 25:32
  Speaker 16: I'm starting to think it's bad that our entire economy
• 25:34
  Speaker 16: is built on extracting oil from incredibly narrow waterways in
• 25:37
  Speaker 16: the world's most volatile region. And I just want to
• 25:40
  Speaker 16: give a shout out to my favorite straight, by the way.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Gibraltar, right?
• 25:45
  Speaker 16: I mean, drama free, staying in its lane. No one
• 25:51
  Speaker 16: has anything bad to ever say about the straight of Gibraltar.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: Anyways, love you, Gib.
• 25:58
  Speaker 16: So now we have two straits that we get our
• 26:00
  Speaker 16: oil from, and they're both closed. How did this happen?
• 26:03
  Speaker 17: A lot of it has to do with the Iranian-supported
• 26:05
  Speaker 17: Houthi rebels in Yemen here. We can see the Houthis
• 26:09
  Speaker 17: have now spread their control. Actually, it does include this
• 26:12
  Speaker 17: town right here, and it also includes a very key
• 26:16
  Speaker 17: island in the Strait of Bab al-Amandeb right here. They've
• 26:19
  Speaker 17: been running oil out of this pipeline here into the
• 26:22
  Speaker 17: Red Sea.
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: Shut up!
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
• 26:26
  Speaker 18: Just shut up!
• 26:28
  Speaker 16: I don't want to learn any more obscure Middle Eastern geography.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: I shouldn't have to know what Parham Island is.
• 26:37
  Speaker 16: No offense to the people of this region. I'm sure
• 26:39
  Speaker 16: it's a beautiful place with a rich and fascinating history,
• 26:41
  Speaker 16: but every time I learn something new about it, it
• 26:43
  Speaker 16: means my life has gotten worse. By this time next year,
• 26:47
  Speaker 16: gas is going to be $ 12 a gallon, and I'm
• 26:48
  Speaker 16: going to be able to name all the rivers in Oman.
• 26:53
  Speaker 16: This brain wasn't built to learn about international waterways. It
• 26:57
  Speaker 16: was built to learn the names of all the characters
• 27:00
  Speaker 16: in the progressive insurance commercials.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: Flo, Jamie, Mara, and of course, Alan. You guys don't
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: know their names?
• 27:15
  Speaker 16: And more importantly, this all shows how badly our commander-in-chief
• 27:18
  Speaker 16: has managed this war.
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: I mean, look at this shit.
• 27:21
  Speaker 16: Iran is not even on the map about the war
• 27:24
  Speaker 16: in Iran. I thought this war was about nukes, but
• 27:28
  Speaker 16: the nukes, they're like up here. This war is starting
• 27:32
  Speaker 16: to feel like that moment in Monopoly when you know
• 27:34
  Speaker 16: you're going to lose, but it's still going to take
• 27:36
  Speaker 16: like six more hours of hemorrhaging money.