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(58) HOW TO BE A HIGH VALUE WOMAN THAT THE UNIVERSE TO RESPONDS TO · Alignment With Jenn

0:00
Welcome to this episode of the Alignment with Jen podcast.
0:03
I'm your host, Jen, It's easy. And today we are going to be
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talking about the 10 secrets of high value women.
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And these are the mindsets and the habits that high value women
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cultivate. And I'm really excited to talk
0:17
about this episode because we're going to be talking a lot about
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protecting your peace and really making sure that you create a
0:23
life for yourself that feels very peaceful and feels very
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aligned for you. And I want to open up this
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conversation today with a story about Dolly Parton.
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I absolutely love Dolly Parton. I think that she's an amazing
0:36
human being. And there's this story where
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Elvis Presley said that he wanted to sing one of her songs.
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It was the song I will always love you.
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And he agrees to sing this song. And she's super, super excited
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because at the time, Elvis was like, I mean, he still is a
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King, right? He was super, super well known,
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way more well known than her. And it would have been really
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amazing for her career for him to sing one of her songs.
1:00
The night before they're supposed to record the song.
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His manager calls her and says Elvis will record the song if
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you give him half the rights to the song.
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And she kind of sits back, and she thinks about this, and she
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thinks about the work, the creativity that went into
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writing this song. And she didn't feel right about
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giving Elvis half the rights to the song.
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She felt like it was her song, and so even though there was
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this massive opportunity attached to it, she knew in her
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soul that it wasn't right for her.
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So she says no. She says no to the King singing
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her song, which would have been amazing for her career.
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And the story goes that she spent the entire night crying
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because she was so upset at the loss of this opportunity.
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Now we know Dolly goes on and builds A phenomenal career for
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herself without Elvis Presley singing her song.
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And I think this is such a perfect lesson of a high value
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woman. It's knowing the value that you
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bring and recognizing that you don't need anyone else to see
2:01
that value and to support that value.
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He obviously saw the value, but he also wanted a piece of that
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and she didn't feel comfortable giving that away.
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And so she saw, OK, you know, I'll be successful regardless of
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if Elvis endorses my song or not.
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And so she followed her own tuition.
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She followed what felt right for her.
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And that's one of the secrets of a high value woman is knowing
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your own value and not compromising it for anyone else.
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That's what I really want to talk about today.
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It's going to be a really important conversation about
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worth, about boundaries, about knowing your own value and
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sticking to your beliefs around that value, regardless of what
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other people say, regardless of what you experience.
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So one of the first principles of being a high value woman is
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creating your own definition of value.
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And this means not letting society decide if you feel
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beautiful enough, if you feel smart enough, if you feel good
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enough. Value is completely subjective.
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I've shared this analogy before in my courses as well as in I
3:11
think in the podcast where I show 2 purses, right?
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1 is a Louis Vuitton bag, which we know Louis Vuitton bags are
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worth around $3000 depending on the bag.
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And I show this bag and then I show this plain leather bag to
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my clients. And I say, OK, which one of
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these bags is more valuable? And 90% of people will say the
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Louis Vuitton bag because they know it, right?
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It's been ascribed value. But then I say, OK, what about
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if I told you that this bag was made on a conveyor belt?
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It's pretty standard leather. It is mass produced.
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There's tons of these bags. But this plain leather bag is
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made by a small Italian leather Smith whose family has been in
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the business for thousands of years, maybe not thousands,
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we'll say hundreds of years. And it's very hand selected
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leather. He spends hours and hours
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handcrafting this bag. Which one of these now do you
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believe is more valuable? While the Louis Vuitton bag is
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still sold for $3000, the leather smithing bag is sold for
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a couple $100. Because the value assigned to
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these bags is completely subjective.
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It's by the choice of whoever is selling this bag.
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And that's the same for you. You get to decide how valuable
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you feel. And the thing that's magnificent
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about our universe is when you decide that you are more
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valuable. When you decide you know what
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I'm going to see my value, my inherent value, regardless of
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what anyone else says. That is when the world is going
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to reflect that back to you. The world cannot reflect back to
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you value that you do not see within yourself.
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So if you keep attracting men that don't treat you very well,
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that's not about those men. Those men are mirroring back to
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you a belief that you hold within yourself about your own
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value. The same is true for career
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opportunities. If you keep attracting career
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opportunities that you're like, you know what?
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I feel like they're underpaying me or I feel like they're not
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seeing my value. Check in and see, are you
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actually seeing and communicating your own value
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first? Because that's what a high value
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woman does. Dolly Parton clearly
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communicated what she believed about her value when she didn't
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compromise on what she truly felt was right in order to work
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with Elvis Presley. The same is true for you.
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Where in your life are you compromising on what you believe
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your value is? That's principle #1 so #2 she
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becomes a master of meaning. So a high value woman, 1st, as
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we know, she recognizes and sees her own value, but she also
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makes meaning out of her life. She recognizes that anything
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that happens in her life, there are many different ways that she
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can interpret it. She can interpret it in a way
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that makes her feel bad, that makes her feel less than, that
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gives her power away to something external.
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Or she can interpret it in a way that enhances her value, that
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allows her to see the good in the situation, that allows her
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to see that everything is always working out for her.
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Because that is a skill that the high value woman has cultivated
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is that she knows how to create meaning out of her life in a way
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that enhances her life. She doesn't allow herself to get
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stuck in places that don't feel good for her.
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So an example of this, of not being a master of meaning might
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be that you don't get the job that you want.
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And so you take it to mean, OK, I'm not doing a good enough job.
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I am never going to get a job. The job market is too hard.
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Nobody's ever going to hire me, right?
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These are all negative meanings that even just saying them, you
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can feel that it steals your energy, right?
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Or you can choose to be the master of meaning and say, OK,
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you know what? I recognize that that
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opportunity wasn't the one that's for me.
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And I know that the right opportunity is coming for me.
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And I know that I have incredible skills, and I'll
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continue to even enhance my skills to become the perfect
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match for the job that I want to create for myself.
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Both of those are the exact same situation, but they are very
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different meanings. We create the meaning in our
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lives. Tony Robbins always says that
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the most powerful skill you can cultivate is becoming a master
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of meaning. Because the more that you are
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able to master what you make your life mean, the less that
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you are going to be at the whim of circumstances.
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It allows you to become unstoppable because when we are
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at the whim of external circumstances and we're
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constantly seeing negative meanings or unhelpful meanings
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in our circumstances, we are constantly depleting our own
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energy and our own life force. But the more that we recognize
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that, you know what, every single situation, whether it's
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good or bad, there's something of value that I can take from
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that situation. There's something that I can
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learn that can enhance my evolution as a soul.
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And I'm happy to learn that. And then I know on the other
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side, I'm going to be on a little bit higher of a podium.
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I'm going to be a little bit more evolved.
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And I know from that place I'm going to attract even more
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powerful and excellent things into my life.
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That is what we want to do. We want to master the meaning
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that we create in our lives #3 and this is one that I think is
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difficult for a lot of people. A high value woman has strong
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boundaries. She recognizes that she is of
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value, right? Does a $50,000 diamond necklace
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just sit on a shelf and there's no security, There's no locks,
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It's just anybody can go up to that $50,000 necklace.
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No, at Target, those $12.00 necklaces, anybody can go up to
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them, right? People can shop with those
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$12.00 necklaces because they're not that valuable, right?
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Things of value are protected. That's what boundaries do.
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They protect something of value. When you begin to recognize your
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own value, more people are going to want to be around you.
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More people are going to reach out to you.
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More people are going to be interested in being in your
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energy. You are going to have to have
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boundaries in order to protect that, in order to keep your
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energy high. Vibrational I I'm really, really
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big about if something feels like it's going to deplete my
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energy, I'm not going to do it. Now, there's certain things like
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going to the DMV, right, that you're probably just gonna have
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to do that are not necessarily energy giving.
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But again, it's about the meaning you assigned to it.
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But if there's certain people I spend time with, if there's
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certain television shows, if there's certain environments
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that I know deplete my energy, or even if it's, you know, I've
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made a commitment to, let's say, spend a Sunday with someone and
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I feel really, really depleted, I'm probably going to change
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that plan. I'm OK with that because I know
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that me going into that environment from a depleted
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place isn't good for either of us, right?
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And so you want to recognize the boundaries that you set for
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yourself. Boundaries are saying no to
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things, saying yes to things. It really depends on what it is
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part of. Also, I think the difficult part
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of having boundaries for a lot of women is we fear
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disappointing other people, right?
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We fear that they won't like us. We fear that they won't be as
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interested in us. We fear that we will hurt them
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if we say no. But that goes back to
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recognizing that you can't show up as your full, vibrant self if
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you don't protect what is valuable, which is your energy,
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your frequency, your vibration. And so if you're always saying
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yes to things, you're always over giving.
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Over giving is the opposite of having boundaries.
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You are going to struggle to feel like a high value version
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of you. So we want to create those
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boundaries. And for you, what I'd really
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like for you to do is kind of think about your life.
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Where can you create more boundaries for yourself, right?
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Where can you say no to things that you know are depleting your
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energy? Because The thing is, we think
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that saying yes to something is just like, okay, you know what?
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I'll just spend this time doing something that I don't
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necessarily want to do because I don't want to let this person
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down or I don't want to make them upset.
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But when you say yes to something you don't want to do,
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you are also saying no to something that could be better
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for you. There's always an opportunity
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cost in those moments. It also comes down to
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recognizing that when you are really congruent with your own
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decisions, with who you are, when you are really aligned and
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who you are, you recognize you're not responsible for other
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people's emotions. So you saying no, no, you know,
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I don't want to do that. You're not responsible for their
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emotional response. They can be upset, they can be
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sad that they don't get to spend that time with you, but you have
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to recognize that you are taking care of what's valuable.
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You are protecting yourself. I think that as women, this is
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especially challenging for a lot of women.
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I get on so many calls and people tell me that one of their
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biggest regrets is that they feel like they just don't
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prioritize themselves. They do things for everyone else
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except for themselves. That is weak boundaries.
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Part of the purpose of boundaries is to take care of
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yourself so that way you can give from a full cup.
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We cannot give fully from an empty cup.
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And I think if you really think about it, the people that you
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love don't want you to do that. The people that love you don't
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want you to do that. And I think there's many
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different ways we could do an entire episode on boundaries.
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If you would be interested in that, comment on this episode
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and let me know. But recognizing that your
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boundaries are what keeps you from feeling resentful, what
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keeps you from feeling drained, what keeps you from diminishing
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your health, from diminishing your own goals.
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We have to have boundaries in order to achieve the life that
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we want. It is necessary.
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Every single successful person has actually strong boundaries.
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Think about even like a celebrity, right?
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What is a security guard? That's a physical boundary.
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That's saying no, you cannot come into my personal bubble.
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If they didn't have that, it would be a hot mess.
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So recognizing that every single person, the more successful you
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get, the more boundaries you are going to have to have with
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yourself and with other people. There's this quote from Taylor
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Swift where she talks about your energy being a very powerful
13:45
asset. I can't remember the exact
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quote, but it's very true, right?
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And without boundaries, that energy becomes low quality.
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Boundaries keep your energy high quality #4 and this is going to
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be a little bit of a uncomfortable one for some
13:59
people, but she puts herself first.
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This goes back to having boundaries.
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Now, you can say that this is selfish.
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That's what a lot of people, and I think that's what society
14:09
wants us to think. But the truth is that you have
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to put yourself first in order to be able to show up fully for
14:16
the other people in your life. If you are constantly putting
14:20
other people in your life, whether it's your significant
14:23
other, whether it's your children, whether it's your
14:25
career, whether it's your boss, when you're putting other people
14:29
before your own needs, you are not only diminishing your
14:34
health, diminishing your happiness, you are diminishing
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even that relationship with that person because you're not able
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to show up fully, but you are also unconsciously diminishing
14:43
your relationship with yourself. Because when we put another
14:47
person first, what we're telling our unconscious mind is, OK,
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that person's needs are more important than me.
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That person's desires are more important than my own.
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And so it's important that we make sure that we communicate to
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our unconscious mind that we value ourselves because when we
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don't, it creates a lot of internal conflict.
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And what I've seen with my clients is it also creates a lot
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of lack of self trust when we're always putting other people
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first, it's really hard for our unconscious mind to trust
15:15
ourselves. So I'll give you an example of
15:17
this. Let's say that I am always
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prioritizing the needs of my clients over myself, which I
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don't do. I prioritize my own needs
15:27
because I know that for me to show up fully for my clients,
15:31
for the people that I serve, I have to be a strong vessel.
15:34
And I can't do that if I'm putting them first.
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Well, let's say in a hypothetical situation, I'm
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putting them first. So I'm spending all these hours,
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I'm spending all my time just devoting to making sure that
15:46
every single need of my clients is met, which is also not my
15:48
responsibility. But let's just say in this
15:50
scenario, my boundary list scenario, what is going to
15:53
happen is my unconscious mind is going to start to lose trust in
15:57
me because it's going to say, OK, well, she says that she
16:00
wants to exercise and eat healthy and care for herself,
16:02
but she never shows up for that because she's always putting her
16:05
clients first. And so I don't really trust her
16:08
when she wants to go after a bigger goal because she's not
16:12
showing up for herself in these small ways, right?
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It erodes your relationship with yourself.
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Your relationship with yourself is so extremely important.
16:21
And the more that you value yourself and you show it through
16:24
your thoughts, words and actions, the more that other
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people are going to value you, the more that all of your
16:30
relationships are going to thrive.
16:32
There's this like thing on social media where it talks
16:35
about, I see this over and over where it says that women who get
16:39
really amazing men are typically selfish.
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And it's not that they're selfish.
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None of this is selfish. It's just that they're putting
16:46
themselves first. Because when you put yourself
16:49
first, you have a strong vessel to give from.
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You show up in full potency when you're with that person.
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And I know this is much more difficult, right, if you're a
17:00
new mother or even a mother in general, but I encourage you to
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think of ways where you can prioritize yourself regardless
17:08
of your life circumstance, regardless of that, because I
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promise you it's going to pay off #5 She cleans up her inputs.
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So a high value woman is very thoughtful about what is coming
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into her energy field, whether that's through the conversation
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she's having, the TV shows or the audio books or the podcast
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she's listening to, whether that's through her friendships,
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whether that's through her social media feed, whether
17:35
that's the food that she's putting into her body, the
17:38
environment she's putting herself in.
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The more that you clean up these things, the the more that you
17:45
start to create that identity of a high value woman, right?
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If you go on to social media and all you see are negative things
17:53
or the news or things that make you feel yucky, you're lowering
17:59
your vibration. You're lowering your ability to
18:02
show up as that fullest expression of yourself.
18:05
I am really, really particular about what I put into my mind,
18:09
right? Sometimes I get, there's this
18:11
Instagram channel, I think it's Mr. Balin.
18:14
He has these like videos that are stories, but they're
18:17
typically pretty dark stories, right?
18:19
They're true crime or something. But I get sucked into them when
18:21
they come on my feed and I notice as soon as I watch those,
18:24
I don't feel as good. I don't sleep as well because
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I'm scared, right? Recognizing that one small 32nd
18:33
or a minute input of a reel can have an impact on your sleep,
18:37
which can have an impact on your next day.
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I've talked about this before. I call it the cascade effect.
18:42
Nothing in your life is in isolation.
18:44
It's all connected. And so the more that you start
18:47
to realize that by cleaning up what you're allowing to enter
18:52
your field, the more that powerful you're going to be.
18:55
It goes back to the next, the necklace example, right?
18:59
The Target necklace, anybody can enter its field because it's not
19:02
that valuable. But that beautiful diamond
19:05
necklace, not everyone gets to enter its field.
19:09
It has very particular inputs because it's valuable, right?
19:13
You're the diamond necklace. You're not the $12.00 necklace
19:17
at Target. Not that there's anything wrong
19:19
with those necklaces, right? I love those necklaces, but
19:21
we're talking about value, OK? This is a big.
19:24
One number six, she pauses before she reacts.
19:28
She has equanimity. She is able to see a situation,
19:33
right? And she's not just like this,
19:35
like a little reactive teddy bear where she's blowing in the
19:38
wind at whatever happens to her. She has this inner strength.
19:41
She has this ability to say, OK, you know what that thing that my
19:46
husband just said to me hurt my feelings.
19:49
And so instead of lashing out at him and damaging our
19:52
relationship, I'm going to sit back and I'm going to process it
19:57
and I'm going to respond when I don't feel like my inner child
20:02
is super lit up, right? Because that's not good for him.
20:04
That's not good for me. That's not good for our
20:06
relationship. So I want you to really think
20:09
about where in your life do you struggle to have that pause?
20:14
Right. Where do you struggle to pause
20:16
before you react, and how can you practice right?
20:20
Pick one scenario where you struggle to pause before you
20:24
react and begin to practice that.
20:27
That moment between stimulus and response is your moment of
20:32
choice. That's when you get to choose
20:35
who you are, right? Because there's always going to
20:38
be challenging stimuli, whether it's your internal thoughts or
20:42
an external stimuli. And there's always going to be a
20:45
moment, even if it's a split second where you get to choose
20:49
how you respond. So who are you is determined in
20:53
that moment of you choosing how you want to respond.
20:57
So I want you to think that because that pause is where your
21:01
power sits. Oh, I like that.
21:03
I like that one. That's a good one.
21:05
Your pause is where your power sits.
21:07
The more that you can pause and say, you know what, I want to be
21:11
a loving partner. So I'm going to choose how I
21:15
respond in a different way. Man, if, if every person in the
21:18
world had this skill, I think that we might have World Peace
21:26
the next one. She lives with intentionality.
21:29
So intentionality is living with purpose.
21:32
It's where you say I'm not going to just be reacting to my life.
21:38
I'm not just going to be at the whim of what's happening in my
21:41
life. It's I'm going to choose to be
21:43
the conscious creator of my life and act with intentionality.
21:47
So what does that mean? It means having clear goals for
21:52
yourself. It means having a clear
21:54
destination where you want to be.
21:56
It means instead of just always putting out fires in your job,
22:01
it means saying, you know what, I want to be in this place in
22:05
one to two years, three years, four years.
22:07
And so I'm going to start acting in alignment with that now.
22:12
Intentionality is being that version that you want to be now
22:17
to create the life that you want.
22:19
The more intentional I am with my life, with my energy, with my
22:22
time, the more high quality and amazing my life becomes.
22:28
And one thing that one of my spiritual teachers said is that
22:32
he said that he only ever has three focus areas in his life.
22:37
So it could be health, your relationship, your career, maybe
22:41
that's your three, right? And that's all that you focus on
22:44
at one time and keeping your focal points in your life very
22:49
clear and very specific rather than being like, OK, I'm going
22:52
to do. This and I'm going to do this
22:53
and I'm going to do this and I'm going to do this and I'm going
22:55
to do this. Because what happens is you move
22:58
maybe an inch, maybe an inch, maybe an inch in each instead of
23:01
moving a foot and a foot and a foot.
23:04
Intentionality is where am I putting my energy because energy
23:09
follows intention. So the more purpose, the more
23:13
clarity you have on what you want to create in your life, the
23:16
more that your energy is able to be channelled in a really
23:20
powerful way, in a really clear, powerful way.
23:23
And this is something that I work on with my clients inside
23:26
of my program where we get really clear on who do you want
23:30
to be and how do you want to create that life and what
23:35
challenges or fears do you need to clear out that may be
23:38
preventing you from really living as that best version of
23:41
you? My purpose, I believe is helping
23:43
other women live in alignment and live their purpose.
23:46
So if you're interested in learning more about that and
23:49
learning more about my coaching, you can send me the word podcast
23:53
on Instagram. My Instagram is at alignment
23:56
with Jen and I'll send you this short little 5 minute video
23:59
about that. You can see if it aligns for
24:01
you. OK, so now we've got #8 she
24:04
cleans up her outputs. So what do I mean by that?
24:08
Words, thoughts, and actions are your outputs.
24:12
So our words are a creative force.
24:15
This is something that has been talked about in the Bible.
24:18
It's been talked about for thousands of years, that our
24:21
words create our reality, our thoughts and our words.
24:24
And the way that it was explained to be by another, a
24:29
different spiritual teacher, Master Co, is that our thoughts
24:32
are like the lightest form of our creation, right?
24:35
It starts as a thought and then it becomes our words.
24:38
We start to talk about it, and that's when it becomes a little
24:40
more real. And then it becomes more
24:42
physicalized when we put action behind it.
24:44
And that's really like the manifestation process is from
24:47
thoughts towards to actions and each of them becoming more and
24:50
more physical where we can start to see them in the physical
24:54
world. The more that you clean up your
24:56
outputs, right? What are you talking about?
24:58
Are you a complainer? Are you a gossiper?
25:00
I promise you if you complain and you gossip a lot and you
25:03
just take those out, you're going to manifest something
25:06
amazing because your words are energy.
25:08
The way I think about my words is like little puffs of colored
25:12
smoke. I know that sounds really weird,
25:14
but when I'm speaking negatively, I imagine this like
25:17
dark smoke coming out of my mouth.
25:18
When I'm speaking positively, I imagine like pink, pretty smoke
25:22
coming out of my mouth because I like pink, right?
25:24
And it's a love color. So the more that you think about
25:28
it as this actual creative energy, the more that you are
25:32
going to change the quality of your life.
25:34
So what are your outputs, right? Are you wasting a lot of your
25:38
time? Are you wasting a lot of your
25:39
energy? Are you speaking negatively
25:42
about yourself, speaking negatively about others?
25:45
What's your internal dialogue? One of the fastest ways to
25:48
improve your confidence is to start just changing your
25:51
internal dialogue. I saw this reel the other day
25:53
and gosh, I wish I remembered the guy in it.
25:56
He's a very interesting dude and he talks about how he used to be
26:00
very afraid of public speaking. And he talks about also how this
26:03
is backed by neuroscience. And he started writing every
26:06
single day. He said for a week, for about 10
26:08
minutes every day, he would write, I love public speaking.
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I love public speaking. I'm so good at public speaking.
26:13
For 10 minutes, he would just write about that same sentences
26:16
over and over. And he said by the end of the
26:18
week, he's like, I wasn't afraid of it.
26:20
That's because he's changing those neural pathways, but he's
26:22
also changing his outputs. He's changing what he's
26:25
believing. He's changing what his
26:26
unconscious believes. When you write, I often times
26:30
imagine when I write, I'm literally like writing on my
26:32
brain what I want to believe. This is why scripting is a
26:36
really powerful practice. So noticing your outputs, what
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are you writing? What are you thinking?
26:42
What are you speaking? What are you doing and how can
26:46
you elevate those? Because a high value woman is
26:49
intentional about her outputs. You see how all of these come
26:52
together. Then we've got #9 she stops over
26:56
explaining and justifying. She recognizes that she doesn't
27:00
necessarily need to logically explain everything to everyone.
27:03
If something doesn't feel right for her, that's OK.
27:08
She doesn't have to explain 10 steps of why it's not right for
27:11
her. She just says no, you know, I
27:13
don't want to do it. And if they say why, well, you
27:15
know, I, I just, I don't know. I just don't, I'm not interested
27:18
in doing that. You don't have to explain
27:20
everything to everyone. It takes a lot of energy and it
27:23
takes a lot of time to explain yourself to everyone.
27:27
And honestly, some people are just never going to get it.
27:30
So stop feeling the need that everything that you do needs to
27:34
be explained because sometimes you just get to go with your own
27:37
intuition. I think also part of the over
27:40
explaining comes from this need to get validation from someone
27:45
else. And I think that's really the
27:46
issue with it is that we often will over explain because we
27:49
will want someone to agree with us.
27:51
We will want them to say, OK, yeah, I know that makes sense.
27:54
You should do that when the truth is that you should give
27:58
yourself that permission. You shouldn't need it from
28:00
someone else because you should be so coherent with who you are
28:04
and trusting of yourself, right? So recognizing that you don't
28:08
have to explain everything to everyone.
28:10
Those are, I guess there was 9 instead of 10.
28:13
So those are the secrets of the high value woman.
28:16
I hope that you enjoyed this episode.
28:19
Please follow the podcast if you found this valuable.
28:21
And if you'd like to learn more about my coaching, you can send
28:24
me that word podcast on Instagram at alignment with Jen.
28:28
It has been a joy to be with your you here and I'll see you
28:30
in the next episode. Bye.