Latest / ROI of Peace / I feel like I’m carrying too much… and no one knows with Sherwanna Livingston
Transcript
- Courtney Koenig: Hey everyone, welcome to the ROI piece. I'm so excited you're here. I'm sending you lots of hugs and loves. I have been thinking about different fears that I've had over my life. So a few years ago, Beckham and I, we were traveling with the family and for some reason they were doing something that an activity we didn't want to do. And so we decided to go to this VR gaming studio and play VR games. It was so fun because we could play against each other. but we could also have these different experiences. And so we were playing this game where you had to like get through this simulation course. And so this course was like, you had to climb up this like side of the wall, swing from things. It almost reminded me of, ⁓ what's that show called? Ninja Warrior. It was like Ninja Warrior, except it was VR style, because that's, you know, all I can do. And so we were playing this VR Ninja Warrior thing against each other. So we're racing and you try and jump. Well, anyway, when you miss the jump, I was jumping to get to this other side of the course or something like that and I missed catching the rings and I started falling. Well, you know in VR you have the headset on, you have the hand grips, all your senses are being pushed into what you see is what you feel. All I could feel was me falling and I started to totally freak out. And so I had to rip the headset off and like, I'm like, wait a second, I'm just in a room standing still. I am okay. And it was so disorienting. I was like, okay, it's okay. You got this. I had to really consciously feel my brain with what I knew to be true that my legs were standing still right here, right now. We did this other one where the simulation VR thing was supposed to f- It supposed to be fun. It was not fun. Where you went up into this tall, tall building and you are supposed to walk out onto this plank and it's like 30 feet in the air and you're just looking down at this 30 feet. I literally started to put my foot on the plank. I told myself, this is VR. You're standing on a normal like room. Nothing's going to hurt you, but I could not put my other foot in front of. The other one, I could not walk out on the plank. was insane how much this VR was telling my senses and my whole body, you're going to fall from 20 feet when I knew that I would be okay. And I knew that everything would be okay. And this is the same thing that happens to us when we have waves of darkness hit us. The waves of darkness take out the light. The light is what's telling us about hope and peace and joy. But the darkness is saying this is forever. This is not going away. This is your life now. And it's not true. It's not true at all. My guest, Sherwanna, she went through... a really deep, dark experience that we're going to jump into. And I'm so excited that she's so brave to share with us because I feel like so much, so many of us go through these dark times and we do it alone and we don't need to. We can take off the haze, the headset, the thoughts that are telling us and consuming us that this is the only way and this is our lives forever that are telling us lies, but the truth is right there for us to see as well. But how do we see the truth when we're in all these dark waves times? I think that's the really hard part. It was easy for me in VR to rip off the headset and be like, okay, I'm fine. But when the waves of darkness come, we need to have real tools to get on the other side. I can't wait for you to meet her. We dive into her human design chart. She has a manifestor, which is so cool. And she has so many gifts, but I cannot wait for you to see. She, Sherwonna Livingston is a brand strategist, coach and founder of L.O.L. L Y P studios, strategic creative agency that helps nonprofits and mission driven organizations brand from the inside out. So no causes overlooked. She wanted, I met at a conference and she just has this beautiful light and I cannot wait for you to meet her. All right. I'll see you inside the episode. Take a breath. You've got this. Sherwanna, thank you so much for joining us. I'm so excited to have you on the podcast today. I'm excited to be here. Thank you. When we connected at a conference, I just felt this like instant connection with you. And I just love the work that you're doing to help nonprofits. And I just, I always like to have friends on the podcast that we can go deep. And I felt like we just connected right away. So I'm so excited you're here. Absolutely. I agree. Like as soon as I met you, was like, okay, she has a spirit that I love. So I'm excited to be here today. ⁓ I'm so, so excited. So what we're going to do first and all our friends listening, thank you so much for being on the show. It means so much. love seeing your comments and ratings and reviews and, just being here with us. Before we go deeper, we're going to do a pick your piece game. Now this is from my app. And here's the, one of the screens on my app, and this is the interferer page. Now the interferer page is about patterns that we sabotage ourselves over and over again. There are ways that we interfere with our success, our peace, our happiness, all those things. And there's 12 of them. So you're going to pick a number between one and 12. And I've randomized it and we're going to pick and do an interferer that goes with that. So. Okay. One through 12. 11. 11. Okay. Oh my gosh. Okay. 11 is the victim. Of course it's the victim. No, this is so perfect. All right. So all our friends, if you're in a seated, comfortable position, you can close down your eyes and I'm going to tell you this visualization story. So in these few minutes, you're investing in peace and that investment starts working right now. The victim anchors her identity in the wound, replaying her pain as proof of powerlessness. But that's a lie. Your story isn't what broke you. It's what made you capable of rising. Let's jump into the story. There once was a woman who painted her pain. She had survived things that words cannot hold. She poured them into color, deep blues, muted grays, sharp reds. Each brushstroke told a story of heartbreak, betrayal, loss, and all the times that went wrong, all the things she wasn't chosen for, all the hard times that she went through. When she finished, she hung the painting in her home. Every morning she stood before it remembering. She told herself she was honoring the past, but the truth was she had made it mirror herself. right now. Then one morning, sunlight streamed through her window and landed on the painting. The light danced across the canvas, and for the first time she saw something different. The shadows weren't just paint, they were depth. The cracks in the paint looked almost like rivers, as if something new was beginning to flow through them. It struck her that maybe this wasn't a finished painting after all. Maybe it was becoming. Her hand reached for a brush, hesitant at first, but guided by the quiet knowing inside her chest. She dipped it into color, not the same old grays and reds, but soft golds, gentle greens. The kind of blue that feels like breath as she painted, the old story didn't vanish. It simply blended into something larger, something alive. Her pain became texture, her hope became light. When she stepped back she realized she hadn't just painted for healing, she was her healing. And in the morning light as it touched her face she whispered, I am not the portrait of what I've endured. I am the artist of what I am becoming. What old story or identity have you been standing in front of? and mistaking it for who you really are. What colors, peace, joy, curiosity, or faith are you ready to enter into your new painting? When you're ready, you can take a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling. And if you've closed your eyes, you can open your eyes. Sherwonna, what did you, what were you feeling during that story? Wow, so many things came up. Like, I almost got really emotional because Something that really stood out to me was when you said that she stood back and she looked at the painting and she saw the shadows and then like the light hit it and she saw it differently. And yesterday, this is so crazy, I'm not making this up at all. Yesterday, my nine year old daughter, she said to me, just out of nowhere, she's like, mom, I have something really important to tell you. And I'm just like, what? She's like, I just thought of this. This is so amazing. And I'm like, what? And she's like, light can create shadows, but shadows can't create light. And I was just like, wow, like that was just an amazing revelation. She was like, yeah, I think we should add that to the Bible. Serious? Yes, yes, yesterday. And so when you're this story and you start saying that, and I was like, this is crazy. So I really just, believe in synchronicities and I just don't believe that anything is an accident. So. When you said that, just, really feel like that was for me. And I don't know, I'm just taking this as a nugget with me today. Yes. And I always loved that, like that the light and the shadows and they all work together, you know, for our good. I thought too, when I was reading the story, I was like, I have felt like this why me pattern in my life sometimes. I'm like, why does this always happen to me? You know? And we're going to. get into your beautiful story too that we can share this, but I felt like, Oh, I must be broken or I must be a mess or I must be this, you know? And recently too, I've been really focusing through my faith too on how do I see light and turn to my life? How am I seeing light and celebration and goodness that comes through every day? I, um, oftentimes with MS have a lot of like, ⁓ I can't do this certain thing, you know? Yeah. But I have chosen to live with light instead of living with darkness, you know? But it is really a choice. And it's not that we don't decide to do the work because it is a lot of work to get through those things. But it is the magic of the life that we get to choose to focus in on and light and growth and that darkness does create light. And it is... One of the ways that I've grown the most is through darkness, you know? Yeah. I love that. Yeah. And I love your story and I was so excited too that you could open up so deeply with us today. Now friends, we're going to share in this episode about a conversation in a Sherwanna story about suicide. And if this feels tender for you right now, Please take care of yourself and know that you can be supported and returned to. If you're struggling in crisis in the U.S., you can call 988. And then in the show notes, I've included for other countries, a crisis center that you can find your information for your country. So, Sherwona, can you take us back to that season where suicide knocked on your door? It was a season of postpartum depression, financial stress, all these things coming together. You were a single mom. Can you take us back to that time and what was happening emotionally and physically for you? Yeah, absolutely. you know, first I want to say this is just a very like tender subject matter for me. It's not something I always wanted to talk about. I, like you said, had that victim mentality. I was like, you know, this is something really bad that happened to me. And I just thought if I shared it that people would see me that way, like see me as this victim or see this person who's crying for help all the time, but I'm just really empowered to share it now. So back in 2016, I was actually pregnant with my second daughter. My oldest daughter, she was three years old at the time, and I had just gotten laid off from my corporate job, and it was a fancy job. I was traveling, I had a corporate credit card, and everything was great. And so to get laid off from that job, was five months pregnant. I literally spiraled down from there ⁓ as a single mom. It seems like when you go from one kid to two kids, it's like you go from one to five or something. I was like, how am I going to financially take care of us? And I just began experiencing the worst depression that I've ever experienced. And I just remember calling my doctor one day because I've been hyperventilating and I didn't know what was happening to me. I was like, what is going on? You know, I'm like, is my baby coming early? This is way too early. I'm only like five or six months at this time. And he said, Shawana, you need to sit down. It sounds like you're having an anxiety attack. And he started walking me through steps to breathe with him. And I think I started having more anxiety once I realized that I was having anxiety. Because I was like, this has never happened. So once he said that I like... It was a whole spiral. And then just fast forward a few months after that, I just struggled mentally, financially, all the things. it was just one day I was just sitting in my apartment ⁓ after I had the baby. She was, I think about three months now. So few months had gone by, three month year old and then three year old. And I just remember thinking like, I cannot do this anymore. Like I was just in such a dark place and I hate to say this, but I'm going to just be 100 % honest. I left both of my girls in my apartment, my tiny apartment, and I walked outside and I got in my car and I was going to drive to go jump. I didn't want them to find me in the house. So I was like, you know, I can't do it here because my three year old, she was old enough at the time to be able to comprehend if she found mommy and I wasn't, you know. I was like, I don't want that. And so I left and I just remember sitting in my car. It was in the middle of the night. was just, it was dark outside. was extremely dark. And I just remember saying, you know, I'm going to give one, this one more chance. Like if I call this suicide number and somebody answers in some kind of way, it doesn't happen. Then that's like my sign. And so. I just like Googled it. I didn't even know. I've never called the suicide hotline before. I've heard about it, but I didn't know like it was really a thing. I didn't know if it would work. And so I just called the number and a guy picked up him. His name was Paul. And I don't remember the words he said to me, but I just remember that he listened and I just bawled crying and all of the things that people will probably point out and say, ⁓ that's like a victim. said, I felt safe to say those things to him. And so by the end of that call, I realized that I had a purpose, that I was strong enough to handle everything, that it wasn't my time to take my life and that I could come out of it. And so I went back inside and I went back to my children and I fast forward, I never had that thought again. I've never been in that dark place again. I found God. I rebuilt my relationship with God and yeah, that's pretty much what happened. Full circle today, I'm just like so thankful that that guy picked up the phone because I don't know like what would have happened if I had went through with it. Yes. Well, and I, in our family, my daughter has tried to commit suicide a couple times. She's had a lot of mental health issues and she is, has really done the work to get on the other side of that. And it does take work and it does take, ⁓ surrounding yourself. What do you feel like after that call, what do you feel like helped you to surround yourself the most to get you to the other side of that? Yeah, I think being honest with myself first, right? This was a time like where my identity just cracked, you know, like I'm not the person that I thought I was. And so just being honest with myself on that I needed to work, you know, that I needed to go into therapy. Like I used to think like, no, like therapy is for people that are going crazy. And so that first moment of truth and honesty with myself got me into community. Finally, going to therapy, finally getting in community around people that understood and me telling them my truth and not, you know, saving face, like everything's always okay. Yeah, those are the first steps I took to really help me get out on the other side of it. Yeah, and I think that honesty, honesty with ourselves, honesty with other people, that's why I love having these conversations is because there are so many challenges that we go through that shape us, but sometimes we're not. It takes courage to share, you know? And we all want to be like, we have it together, you know? But inside, there's not, you know. There's a lot of stuff going on. Yeah, totally. how did you find, so therapy was one avenue and I heard you say something about community. Like how did you find that sense of community? I feel like when we're going through struggles, oftentimes we go to this alone place, you know, where we just were like, no one knows what it's like, which no one does, you know? Right. ⁓ But it's like, I'm alone and that aloneness is really soul crushing. What did you do to find that community? Yeah. So there's really two communities that I've tapped into. So the first one being the entrepreneurship community. So at that time I didn't have a business. I had just gotten laid off from my job. So I decided to go back to school. I still couldn't figure out what I wanted to do. And so I launched my business and at the time live love your passion was just a personal development platform. And I just wanted to build community with other people who were working on themselves because I was then at that time just working on myself and I'm still working on myself now. And so I began to attract so many other people who were working on themselves, ⁓ who were building online businesses. And so that became my community of people. began to have events at that time. And, you know, just bringing people together who are on the same healing journey and also going after what they were passionate about in life. So that was one community. And then also church, just going back to church and realizing that there are people here that understand what I'm going through, that I don't have to have it all together at church either. I'm a pastor's kid. So I used to think that I had to have it all together at church too, which is crazy because it's like, no, this should be the place where you can, you know, put it all out there. And so I finally found a community that understood me, that could hear me, that poured back into me. And so today, like I would say both of those communities still stand and have really strengthened me to where I am now. Yes. And I think it's really intentional about building community. Oftentimes I look at my schedule and I'm like, ⁓ I'm on zoom with clients. I am doing podcast recordings. It's a lot of virtual things. I was talking to my family the other day and they're like, you only leave to go to the gym. know? Yeah. goodness I do get out to go to the gym. Right. But it is, that in-person connection that makes a difference. ⁓ have that and curate that in our life and curate friends and curate these moments together. And I think that is so vital. Looking back on your journey through this, what do you wish someone would have told you? What do I wish someone would have told me? Like before my dark place or? Yeah, like, yeah, I think before your dark places, you're getting into that darkness, right? Because I think darkness sets in. ⁓ waves, right? And we just are like, ⁓ we're gonna muscle through this, we're gonna do this and that, you know, I just gotta be tough, I just gotta be strong, you know? What do you wish as those waves were coming on you that someone would have told you or what you could have done or what you, you know, like if someone's in that same place in those almost drowning, what would you say to them? That you're not alone. That's one of the main things. I just always felt so alone and I had to really change my perspective on that and just not confused being misunderstood as being alone because I have so many people around me. I have family around me, friends around me, so many people. And even if you don't have those exact same people, there are people around you that love you, that support you, that you may even impact that you don't even know that you're you not being here would impact them so much. And I thought because people didn't understand me because they didn't understand my specific circumstances that I was alone. And I just realized that, you know, people are not going to always understand me and they may not get my exact circumstances because this journey is unique to me. And so I just had to stop going through life, trying to be understood by everybody and just be confident in my journey and who I am and where I stand. look at it from a perspective that there are people around me that not only I'm impacted by, but I impact them as well. Yes. And that is really interesting too when my daughter was one of her times that she was trying to commit suicide, we were talking to her and she's like just the weight of the pressure of life, you know? all the things that happened and she had had some traumatic experiences that were coming to the surface. And we were telling her, like, there are people that love you and that want you here. We love you. And there are people that you need to inspire and shine for, you know? And that purpose, you know, that little bit of purpose. what came through and gave her hope that ⁓ this moment of heaviness will not be forever. You know what? Will not be forever. It's going to take some work to get on to more light, but that radiant of light is coming and people are, you know, like... I think about the great work that you're doing and the great mom that you are and the great human that you are, you know, like, it's just really is impactful. The joy that we get to have in this life and to curate, know? Yeah. Yeah. It's beautiful. And with the beauty that you bring to this world is your human design too. This shines a light on your purpose and the abilities and the gifts that you were born with. I always think about in my life, how am I tapping into my purpose? How am I tapping into what I'm meant to do? And my human design shows me the way. do believe that, so human design for everybody listening and we don't know what we're talking about. like, what is this? Human design is a personality test, like the Enneagram, Strength Finders. It's based on your date of birth, your time in place of birth, so there is that astrology part of it. I believe that we're born at a certain place and a time for a reason. I believe that's very God given. And so to me, this all like makes sense, even though it feels a little woo woo. Yeah, no, I agree. Yes. And so on the human design chart, there's about 35 to 40 parts, but we're going to talk about a few that just stood out to me that really share your gifts that you were born with. Now, When you're looking at human design, we're going to look at you, your human design type first. Okay. And you are a manifestor. A human design type is basically the gifts that you were born with. How do you operate best in the world? And there's five types. So as a manifestor, you're here to create big movements. You're here to vocalize and to use your gift of communication and speaking. Manifestors always have this gift of communication and speaking. you're designed to create these ripple effects. know, just like when you're at a pond and you throw a rock into a pond and it creates these ripple effects, that's you. You're the ripple effect or you're the catalyzer. Your mantra is, my voice creates powerful ripples. You're a bold leader. And as a bold leader, as you're creating these ripple effects and these movements, ⁓ you're initiating new patterns. You're starting new momentums, you're sparking new pathways as a trailblazer, really. And these ripple effects can sometimes be very, well, they are very impactful. But oftentimes when we're supposed to use our voice and we create these ripples, because we're human beings and we like to kind of people please, and we sometimes like to shush ourselves and sometimes creating ripples is not fun, you know? Yeah, absolutely not. Yeah, where have you seen, has it been hard throughout your life to step into leadership and to be this leader in your life? ⁓ yeah, absolutely. I think it's always been difficult for me with sustainability of leadership, especially once I do realize the impact and I realize, wait, you know, this isn't just me having fun. Like somebody's livelihood is on the line. somebody's perspective of themselves, their thought processes. There's so many things that go into when people look up to you and you inspire them that, you know, that weighs heavy on me. So I've definitely struggled with being the leader and staying the leader. I've always known I am the leader, but staying the leader, like not shrinking, not pulling back from the responsibility of leadership. And that pulling back, like, do you find yourself like about to say something or about to do something and you're like, you know, is it that type of dialogue that's going on? Yeah, absolutely. I really think from a young age, I wasn't able to speak up as much. And I think that came from just that, you know, Christian household, you know, with my my parents, you know, being leaders feeling like I couldn't always say what I wanted to say because I, you know, I didn't want to make them look bad. And then I just thought. I was always thinking like, have to stay in line, right? And with leadership, a lot of times what you're saying may be polarizing. It may be a truth that people don't want to hear. And so I've struggled with stating my truth and standing ten toes on it. Now I'm getting to the point where I can do that a lot more. But for sure, it was always a struggle with using my voice and standing on what I'm saying. Yes. Yeah. And that this What I love about human designs is it teaches us that these are our gifts. These are the gifts that we were born with. And so when we hear ourselves, ⁓ I shouldn't do that or I, you know, it's we can lean into the new thought that, wait a second, this is how I was born with. If this is how I was born and this is what I'm meant to do, then I can land my messages. Then I can share what I'm supposed to do. And I could kind of play around with it. Our gifts aren't just, ⁓ automatically talents that come to us, we have to use them and lean into them and they become even more fun and even more enjoyable as we go and practice with them. And so that's something to think about too is it's a practice to use our voice, to use that leadership, to stand in that power. And sometimes it's going to be a little messy and sometimes it's going to rock really well, but just keep believing in ourselves in that way and keep believing in yourself that This is what I meant to do and this is how I meant to shine in this way. One of the other things with manifestors to ⁓ note is that you have ebbs and flows of energy. You're either one, zero to a hundred, or you're like, I am crashing out. Absolutely. Yes. 100 % me. Yes. And I have this same thing. I'm a projector and projectors have the same where we have ebbs and flows of energy and we're not always on, you know. We can like be with people, but then sometimes it's really draining too, you know? To do that. So how do you support yourself with these ebbs and flows of energy? Because in entrepreneurship, it feels like everybody is on all the time. I saw someone was posting all the events that they go to and I'm like, ⁓ my goodness, I can never because I would be dead. Like social battery on empty. Yes, I would be a mess. So how do you support yourself with the ebbs and flows of energy that you have? Yeah. So for me, I first had to identify like what is really draining my energy. I don't think it's the same thing for everybody. know, some people are social butterflies and they can always be around people all the time. I used to think just because I am like extroverted in a way of when it comes to like talking to people and starting conversations and things like that, that that meant You know, that was how I got my energy. But once I started learning myself a little bit more, I realized like, no, actually, ⁓ I think I'm a little bit, maybe I'm ambiver. I don't know the difference, but I just know that I really do like to be alone. I get my energy from being alone, even though I can talk to people, I can get up and speak. I like being to myself. And so I had to start, you know, paying attention to when my social battery is low. If there's another event that I'm supposed to be at, but I'm in tune with myself and I know like, okay, I just am not feeling up to it. Then I just listen to that and I, you know, I don't do it. So that's the one thing that my social battery is not always high. The second thing is social media. I realized that social media trains me so much and it used to didn't, but that was when I think I was more so performing on social media. And so was getting my validation from it. And so I felt like I had to be here because that's where, you know, I was getting my, you know, all that. But once I realized, hey, I don't need social media for that. And then I was like, oh gosh, what do I need it for? Like at all, like I don't, actually don't want to be there. And I think it started to drain my energy when I wasn't using it creatively. When I wasn't using it as a tool, you know, to amplify purpose and a message. And so, ⁓ and it started to feel like the second world. I don't know if it feels like that to you, but I'm like, have my real life. Then I have like this digital world that I'm clocking into all the time. And even though I'm the same person in both places, it started to feel like, am I living two lives? You know? So I just had to set boundaries with it and, ⁓ you know, not always be clocked in on the digital marketplace. Totally. I've had to do that too. Social media can be really draining for me. And it can feel like overwhelming, you know? I just get in this so much information. Yes, I just feel like I'm buzzing, you know? And so noisy. And so I've had to really be cognizant about I'm taking the weekends off of social media. at a certain point in the nighttime, I do not look. I'm on there for work, but I'm also on there because I like to see, you know, what's going on with Traders, my favorite show now, you know? And what cool fashion drops have happened on my clothing brands. But I've really had to be intentional about not overthinking on social media as well, like not overthinking my brand and just like coming off of who I am and not trying to overperform. Because I feel like I want to be that perfectionist, you know? But I also want to be so genuine. so there's this like, you know, like battle almost with it too. So I love that. I love creating those boundaries around social and creating those boundaries around being purposeful with the energy that we bring to the world. Now your strategy as a manifestor is to communicate. So communicate, communicate, communicate. That is like how you make things happen. That's how you make. ⁓ You know, new clients come into your world. That's how you make new joy come into your world is by communicating. so lean into that communication and, and just know you're never going to over communicate. The more you communicate, the more things will happen personally and professionally. ⁓ gosh, that's so good. I feel like I need to communicate more. I'm already a big talker, but I do feel like I'm in a space where I haven't been communicating as much. that's really helpful for me that like, Sharana communicate more. And my undergrad is in communications, and I still don't communicate as much. ⁓ my goodness, that is so, I swear, our bodies know what we should do and our minds get all all angsty about it. One other part on your human design chart is your inner authority. Now, inner authority is how you make decisions best, and yours is emotional. And so an emotional inner authority has highs and lows like the ocean. So the ocean has this high tide or waves crashing, but also has this like low tide. And what you want to do is you want, when you're making decisions, you want to give yourself time to get to this place of contentment, of stillness, of feeling like, you know what, clarity is coming to me. I don't have to rush to make a decision. I don't have to have, if I'm in a high high or in a low low, I don't want you to make a decision in those moments either. I want it to be very like, ride the waves and get to a point of where you're feeling peaceful about the decision. And that takes time, you know? Oftentimes, there's this thing in life and in business where we're like, decisiveness, we should be really decisive about what we want, you know? And there are moments where we can be decisive, but there are other times where it's a little more nuanced and we're going to have to take time to make that decision. And so your normal is to be like, I think it's, feel about 80 % good. about this thing, you know? And so rolling to that, have you felt the impact of making decisions too fast in your personal or professional life? Not too fast, actually too slow or never. ⁓ okay. Yes. Like I actually don't have to decide, right? That is a good way to put it off. Yes. So now I'm actually leaning into being more decisive, but someone into place though, like what is it that I really want? what is working best for me and making sure that I'm making the decision based on what's in alignment versus like what I feel like I have to do or what did they say it should be, you know, that type of thing. Yes. Well, and that's another inner fear is that over-avoider, right? Where we're avoiding things too much. It's so funny that if I am getting into my email box for a long time and like cleaning it up, I'm like, what am I avoiding? Cause I hate cleaning out my email box. I'm like, why did I subscribe to these things? And I just get all this stuff. so it is, it's, it's, know, that is avoiding things as a lie because it does create more stress and more anxiety, know? And when you're making those decisions, all you want to look for is a clue of, hmm, this feels kind of nice, you know? This feels a little bit of peace and then just go for it, you know? And so that's really your strategy is to let the emotional current settle and that over-avoider is an emotional current, you know? It's like trying to protect you from doing things. And so just like kick that to the curb, take a deep breath and give yourself a little bit of time, but like not so much time where you're avoiding that decision and avoiding that next steps, you know? So I love that. I probably need to set me like a timeline on decisions. Like, hey, it's been two days. Like, okay, that's it. Yes. No, that's a really good thing. Yeah, totally. Well, and I have done that too, where I'm like, wait a second. I put that off. I've been putting it off. Just get it done. What's wrong with you? It's not going to be that bad. And it's never that bad. It's never that bad at all. And you always feel so much better. And you're like, man, I should have vended that. Yes, I know. I know that. Over a voider. Yeah. One other part on your human design chart is when you're looking at that body graph, there's all these lines on the chart and they're colored in and those lines are gates and channels. Now the longer lines are channels, the shorter lines are gates, but they're basically the same thing. They're gifts that you were born with, character traits that you have that you can lean into. And this is channel 5710 is what you have. And the mantra for this is I am a beacon of light and love. I love that. I know. I was just like, when I was looking at your chart and when I look at everybody's charts, I'm like, okay, what do I feel called to? And this part was like, no, no, talk about this, talk about this. And it's this beautiful channel that has this deep intuition and this love of life. And you are able to have this love of life through your resilience. When things get heavy, you can still find love in life and you magnetize this authenticity towards others. You embody this truth and you don't just survive storms, you bring light to them. it's just a beautiful gift that you give yourself, but you give others as well. People are drawn to you because of this light, because you offer this love and you show other people the way through this. ⁓ you seen this, ⁓ ability to feel into this love of life and have that joy through that love of life? Absolutely. ⁓ I've always been a lover of nature and animals and, know, all the things that, where life is showing up sometimes where we, where we may miss it. And I just remember when I was going through a tough time, ⁓ I was working at a retail store. won't say the name, but I was working at this retail store and it was just not the job that I wanted to be in at that time. It's just, it was a tough moment in life and I was like, well, I got to make some money. And one of the guys that I was working with was standing next to me. were looking outside. We had really big windows at the store where you just see straight outside and it was storming so bad. And we were just looking out there like, wow, like it's, it's horrible outside. was like. gray and it was raining, it was storming. And he's like, man, it's so bad outside. And he just started complaining about how bad it was outside. And I don't know why this stuck with me. It stuck with me for some reason. And I looked at him, I said, well, the birds are still flying. And we both looked outside and he was like, the birds are still flying. And then he just looked at me like he just had this moment of revelation that, you know, if the birds are still flying, like everything's still going to be okay. And so I think that moment stuck with me because it reminded me that like, even throughout the storms, even throughout all of the trials and stuff that we go through during life, like it's still gonna be okay. There's still life that we can hold onto and there's still purpose that is going to, that's gonna pull us through. So yeah. Oh, I love that. And this gift is really based in your intuition, know, those whispers of what's coming towards us. What do we get to see? And intuition is a whisper. It's never like a You know, right? It's nudges and listening to those nudges. And that's really the strategy for this is to listen to those nudges, listen to the beauty. So this gift is really about intuition. It's listening to those nudges and nudges are a whisper. They're they're a gentle movement. And the strategy to engage this gift even more is to listen to your intuition. Oftentimes as human beings and because we live in this crazy world, it's hard. It's like dark clouds can become heavy upon us. But their intuition is showing us a way and is showing you a way that is towards light, is towards love. And that you get to give to other people. And just like you shared with us about that story, you get to use your voice and share that love of life ⁓ no matter where your focus is in. to other people and that is a huge gift and a beautiful pattern that you get to share with others. Now, in the ROI of business, we talk about marketing, sales, performance, all these like key measurable indexing measures. But the ROI of piece is different. It's a return that fuels everything else with clarity, resilience, sustainable success, and it has its own indicators. Which areas of your life are you asking for more peace right now? Is it physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally? Any of those areas that you're like, ⁓ there's a specific part of this that I'm looking for more peace? Yeah, that's a good question. I would think it's emotionally. know, spiritually, I feel great. Physically, I feel great. Even mentally, I feel great. Emotionally, I do think there are some things that have come up for me. ⁓ where I'm like, man, like I don't feel settled about the situation. even though I know like God has it all under control, I'm still human. And so I'm dealing with like these emotions of a certain situation. So yeah. That is, yeah. And I think being brave enough to look at that and see where to go, you know? So I know our friends want to get connected with you. I know they want to jump into your world, Shawana. And this has been so wonderful. How do they get connected with you? best. Yeah, so they can get connected with me on my Instagram, which is shirwanna.livingston or more professionally on LinkedIn. It's just shirwannalivingston. And then of course, if they need assistance from my agency, they need more visibility. We specifically work with nonprofits and mission driven organizations. They can visit my website at www.llypstudioswithnes.com. Awesome. ⁓ my goodness. This has been so great. And all our friends, please go get connected with Sherwanna. Be friends. Sherwanna, this has been beautiful. Thank you so much for being on the show today. This has been amazing. I feel it in my heart. Like, this is such a great opportunity. So thank you so much, Courtney, for having me here. ⁓ thank you. And friends, thank you so much for listening. Thank you for being here. If this episode brought you more peace and more joy, the simplest way that you can support the show is follow, rate, leave, or review. And then share this episode with a friend. I always feel like we get impressions for our friends and those that we love. so share it with a friend and help them. Until next time, keep investing in what really pays off your piece.