Latest / Breaking Mayberry / BACKDOOR LOVERS: The Incredible Mr. Fix-It

Transcript

BACKDOOR LOVERS: The Incredible Mr. Fix-It · Breaking Mayberry

• 0:25
  These guys. Love is prompt you know this so bad? One of my
• 0:29
  ants crush your chees and also shooting white to be the little baby and lock
• 0:36
  your back up. I've been coming through that waiting night to love you for
• 0:41
  shoot. Hello, and welcome to another episode of Breaking Mayberry, the podcast
• 0:46
  that will keep you company long after your children have moved out of the house
• 0:50
  and you're all alone. You've got us still. Yeah, We'll be here
• 0:55
  in your twilight years forever. I'm one of your host I'm Marty Schneider.
• 1:00
  And when you die, we do expect to be written into your will because
• 1:03
  everybody else is gone. It's just us. Where are your kids, They're
• 1:08
  gone, They're not here to help you. We are didn't that's gonna work
• 1:14
  at least on one guy. You're that others Dan, I'm the other host,
• 1:19
  Dan Ludwig. God that we should. We should actually start making that
• 1:26
  play. Just like, Hey, if you're listening to this and you're like,
• 1:29
  wouldn't it be funny to write these guys into my will? Do it?
• 1:33
  That'll that would be that would piss off your family a lot, and
• 1:37
  it would be pretty funny as a bit if you gave us like twenty percent
• 1:42
  of your wealth when you die. Uh, couldn't hurt, You'll be dead.
• 1:48
  I actually am doing like some estate plans, some very early stuff of
• 1:52
  this right now. Like I met with a financial advisor and I get like
• 1:57
  legal services as a benefit through my job. So since I'm getting married,
• 2:01
  the financial advisors are pretty much like, yeah, you need to start getting
• 2:06
  a will together, you know, so that you know when you if you
• 2:08
  die, you stuff can go to your spouse. And I was against it
• 2:12
  at first because I said, like, well, I don't know if I
• 2:15
  really need that. Sarah and I don't own any property together besides the car.
• 2:20
  And I had a thought and I was like, I need to stipulate
• 2:23
  in my will what happens to the podcast if I die. I need to
• 2:29
  put in the will that Dan Ludwig gets the gets the US the passwords you
• 2:34
  get the podcast? Do you and I need to co host? But I
• 2:40
  also need to stipulate like, uh, financial terms, right, because we
• 2:45
  pay for hosting and stuff on this So in order for the podcast to continue
• 2:49
  to exist my legacy, basically, I have to fucking put my podcast in
• 2:54
  my last will and testament. Thing. It's a source of income and Also
• 3:01
  it's like how people will remember me. Yeah, you gotta do this too,
• 3:06
  motherfucker. You're getting married. You should also get a will together.
• 3:08
  Oh I have a will? Are you a will? I have a word
• 3:13
  doc saved on my computer, and in the event of my death, it
• 3:15
  does say open this and it names all who gets all what's Of course it's
• 3:19
  not a binding legal document, but I'm hoping people will honor my wishes and
• 3:23
  and this is true. At the bottom of it. It accuses someone of
• 3:28
  my murder, and I change who it is every year, so it does
• 3:34
  say like, no matter how clear the terms of my death is, I
• 3:38
  suspect that this person may be plotting my murder. One year it was Max,
• 3:42
  one year it was my mom. One year it was actually you.
• 3:46
  I was gonna say, is it me currently? No, it's not you
• 3:49
  currently. Okay, So I've already rolled the dice on this. Yeah.
• 3:52
  Yeah, it's my coworker poem. So yeah, yeah, so I have
• 3:54
  one. You should put that in your will. By the way, it's
• 3:58
  pretty fun because you just gotta have a ticking time bof number one. Now
• 4:01
  you have to change this because you just acquitted Paul. That's true. So
• 4:05
  now you gotta switch it again. That just means when when it happens,
• 4:09
  his attorney is gonna have to listen to the podcast and look for evidence to
• 4:14
  acquit him better. Hope I don't die, bitch, I'm gonna change it
• 4:20
  back to you. She'll probably just leave it on you like every other year.
• 4:26
  It has to be me, right, Like, yeah, no,
• 4:30
  the Max was very upset the year it was him. He did not care
• 4:33
  for that development. Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and say this on the
• 4:40
  air. Dan, Please don't accuse me of your murder, not this year.
• 4:44
  You're sad. What happens if you're actually murdered? What happens if somebody
• 4:48
  shoots you. Then the person in the doc is gonna have to answer some
• 4:54
  questions with the police, which I find so funny, where they're going to
• 4:59
  be like, they're going to have to say where were you at the time
• 5:01
  of Dan Ludwig's death, And you're gonna say, like, well, I
• 5:05
  didn't have an alibi. I was at home, So it'll be pretty great.
• 5:14
  Jesus Christ, I'm gonna need to start tracking whereabout. Yeah, I
• 5:18
  am gonna change it because now Paul is in the clear. But I'll just
• 5:21
  put it. Maybe I should really like get a random number generator, like
• 5:26
  a D twenty for something to pick it. I'm just gonna just gonna like
• 5:30
  call my father once every couple of hours, just be like, hey Dad,
• 5:32
  No, I don't need anything. I'm just making sure that the cell
• 5:35
  phone records ping me here at my at my location where Dan Ludwig isn't well.
• 5:41
  If anything, this is an incentive for you to keep me alive.
• 5:45
  So like I thought you were gonna say, it's an incentive for me to
• 5:47
  like connect with my father. Yes, Also that's kind of a good thing,
• 5:54
  is he's It's it'sn't that positive you get closer to your dad. You
• 5:58
  need to keep me from ying. It's just like it's just a ticking time
• 6:01
  bomb. Everybody has to kind of keep me alive because you don't know if
• 6:04
  it's your year. Cool. Also also potentially what if that year Max does
• 6:13
  murder me and it's a perfect Colombo murder, just like plans the shit out
• 6:17
  of it, nails it, and then that's his year and boom, it
• 6:21
  all falls apart. He didn't see it coming. He didn't think that there
• 6:25
  was going to be a word doc naming him as my murderer, bing bang
• 6:30
  boom. I'm gonna point out a flaw on your planing here, buddy.
• 6:33
  How do we know to open the word doc? Oh? It says in
• 6:38
  uh, it's the name with the doc is in the event of my death,
• 6:43
  open this and it's always is it on the desktop? Yeah? Okay?
• 6:46
  Yeah? Cool? Cool? Yeah, you guys got to go on
• 6:51
  there to find all my pories, so while you're there, you'll just see
• 6:55
  my will. All right, Cool that this rules? Yeah? Am I
• 7:01
  mentioned anywhere else in the will? No? Fuck you, No, I
• 7:04
  should do the podcasting. But other than that, No, you're screwed.
• 7:09
  Okay, all right, I mean honestly, like all the podcast bills are
• 7:14
  in my name anyway, so like it doesn't matter for you. Yeah.
• 7:16
  I don't know the log into our patre. Yeah, so I gotta give
• 7:19
  you that if I die, put it in the will. Very different approaches
• 7:27
  to this. Why are we talking about this? Why did we open up
• 7:31
  the episode in such a strange and bizarre way. It's because we're doing another
• 7:36
  yet another Backdoor Lovers. No, not a working title, we're doing yet
• 7:42
  another Backdoor Lovers, and this is about a sitcom that existed for a long
• 7:46
  time called Empty Nest, Yes, Empty Nest, which is about the empty
• 7:50
  nest syndrome about people not really being able to know what to do after their
• 7:58
  children have grown up and left the house and our feeling lonely. And you'll
• 8:01
  notice that I'm intentionally kind of not discussing the plot of the TV show,
• 8:07
  like not telling you what it's about. And that's because shit is weird.
• 8:11
  Yes, okay, yeah, so we gotta we gotta go very linearly with
• 8:16
  this. Backdoor Lovers is a breaking maybe very mini series where we talk about
• 8:20
  backdoor pilots failed or in this case, semi failed, that attempts to make
• 8:26
  spinoffs of a show by like forcing characters into an existing episode. Yeah,
• 8:33
  so that's what we did here, but this is an unusual one. Yeah,
• 8:35
  so this is a spinoff of Golden Girls kind of, yes, kind
• 8:43
  of the backdoor pilot occurs within Golden Girls, and once the series took off,
• 8:48
  Golden Girls actually like the girls popped in every now and then to just
• 8:54
  be like walking briskly through this love it all good. So this is our
• 8:58
  first successful backdoor pilot. That's kind kind of I do want to kind of
• 9:05
  like put some background on this, So this was the one I insist on.
• 9:11
  This is basically why we did this mini series because during like the first
• 9:16
  two months of Lockdown, that period before we face like work from home started
• 9:22
  and we all had like all the free time in the world, we picked
• 9:26
  our pandemic show. It was Golden Girls, And for about five months,
• 9:33
  watching Golden Girls was my whole ass job. I woke up in the morning,
• 9:37
  I brushed my teeth, I put on Golden Girls, and I watched
• 9:41
  Golden Girls until I was too tired to do that, and then I played
• 9:46
  video games. So to brief aside, Golden Girls is not a show that
• 9:52
  is meant to be watched all at once. It is meant to be watched
• 9:54
  once a week at maximum because they're antics go from funny to horrifying real fast
• 10:05
  if you watch them in rapid succession. Blanche Devereaux is a fucking monster.
• 10:11
  She is like the worst person ever portrayed on television. So during this sort
• 10:16
  of haze of just Golden Girl episode after Golden Girl episode, the end of
• 10:22
  season two comes on titled empty Nest u no no, no no. It
• 10:28
  is empty nests empty net plural, and you need to clarify that, Yeah,
• 10:35
  you need to make sure there's a difference between empty nests and empty nest
• 10:39
  yes, which is what it later became. So I'm being very picky and
• 10:43
  potantic, and you'll find out why. So I just want you to I
• 10:46
  gave you that background because I want you to imagine how surreal it was to
• 10:52
  have Golden Girls very slowly turn into a different show over the course of an
• 10:58
  EPI episode while in a COVID induced haze of just like, wait, who's
• 11:07
  this lady, who's this guy? Who the fuck is this guy? And
• 11:11
  who is this person? What is happening? Where are my good friend the
• 11:15
  Golden Girls? I don't understand this. I hate this. This is uncomfortable
• 11:20
  and weird. Um and it kind of left like a mental scar tissue where
• 11:26
  just like that, that sort of like bewilderment is forever burned into my brain.
• 11:33
  And then so you had never we said this is kind of a successful
• 11:37
  pilot, right, I had a successful back to our pilot. But it's
• 11:41
  not so the characters, the events, everything that came out of the episode
• 11:46
  we're about to tell you about, uh got scrapped tossed out the window.
• 11:52
  So by the time we got to the actual television show Empty Nest, which
• 11:58
  ran for set I've been season seven fucking seasons, which is insane. It
• 12:05
  is ran from seven seasons from nineteen eighty eight to nineteen ninety five, prime
• 12:11
  early nineties sitcom period of time. As far as I can tell, nobody
• 12:15
  remembers. I have a vague memory of seeing the show exists. Yeah,
• 12:20
  I have a vague memory of maybe like looking at the opening credits at one
• 12:26
  point in time. But by the time we got to Empty Nest, completely
• 12:31
  different show, ninety nine percent different cast except for the most annoying person in
• 12:35
  the entire show, and it was just a completely different thing, almost entirely
• 12:41
  unrelated. It honestly didn't even make sense as a Golden Girl spinoff. We
• 12:46
  didn't find out until a couple of episodes in that these people were neighbors of
• 12:50
  the Golden Girls, which technically makes it not a spinoff but really more of
• 12:54
  a shared universe. Yeah whatever, All right, So, yeah, there
• 13:01
  is a GGCU. Yes, there were, there were multiple Golden Girls spinoffs
• 13:05
  and spinoffs of those spinoffs. I didn't know this. Yeah, it was
• 13:09
  a whole thing. It was a whole thing. Those women had They tried
• 13:13
  to do with George clooney spinoff where he plays a young FBI agent that does
• 13:20
  a stake out of the Golden Girls home. They kind of felt that out
• 13:24
  of like, this guy's pretty charming, right, George Clooney with a mullet,
• 13:28
  he's an FBI agent. No, no, no, not feeling it.
• 13:31
  Not feeling it. Okay, cool, we'll keep going on. They
• 13:35
  were constantly testing out like other other shit. Golden Girls, if you're not
• 13:41
  familiar with, Golden Girls ran in the late eighties early nineties. It was
• 13:48
  a show about for I'm not gonna say elderly, four older women in their
• 13:54
  fifties, sixties and one woman in her eighties who lived around or two together
• 14:00
  in Miami. No, no, no, they all shared a house.
• 14:03
  Yeah they were. They were roommates. Yeah. Why am I doing this?
• 14:05
  You're it's um four widowed mothers and grandmothers um. Three of them are
• 14:13
  recently either widowed or divorced. One of them has their mother, Sophia,
• 14:18
  who is partially senile, move in. They all roommates. They all are
• 14:24
  trying to date post divorce. There are several antics. It features be Arthur,
• 14:31
  Betty White, Rue, McClanahan, um and who plays Uh, who
• 14:37
  plays Sophia sell Getty stell Getty Um. Pretty much everyone recognizes Golden Girls as
• 14:43
  a good show, capital g good, one of the best, one of
• 14:46
  the best shows, like a television hallmark, diminishing returns on everything else.
• 14:52
  So let's talk about the worst episode of Golden Girls at universally acknowledged by most
• 14:58
  Golden Girls. Yes, and that is season two, episode twenty six,
• 15:03
  last episode of the season, Empty Nests. Yeah. Written by Susan Harris,
• 15:11
  directed by Jay Sandrich. Originally airs May sixteenth, nineteen eighty seven.
• 15:16
  Here is your one cent in summary from the ultra geriatric Golden Girls Wiki,
• 15:24
  the ultrasexual Golden Girls Wiki, the ultra postmenopausal Golden Paul Dooley and Rita Moreno
• 15:33
  suddenly appear and then disappear as friends and neighbors of Blanche, Dorothy, Rose,
• 15:37
  and Sophia contending with family and friends. In this initial spinoff pilot idea
• 15:43
  for Empty Nest, the family is never seen or mentioned again. It does
• 15:48
  sound like that unpersoned, like they were all black bags by the government.
• 15:54
  So I don't want to like, I don't want to gloss over that uh.
• 16:00
  One of the people in this proposed spinoff is you have character actor Paul
• 16:06
  Dooley. You don't know who he is, but if you google him,
• 16:07
  you go, oh, that guy, because you've seen him and stuff.
• 16:10
  He's a working actor. And the other person is star of stage in screen
• 16:17
  critical Darling Rita West Side Story Moreno, Yeah, goddamn Moreno is this is
• 16:26
  in here and she walks into this show like I've been here the whole time.
• 16:30
  It's the weirdest thing where you start up an episode of Golden Girls.
• 16:36
  They are having a conversation about how their dishwasher is broken, so they need
• 16:40
  to have mister fix It come by to repair the dishwasher, and then Rina
• 16:47
  Moreno just kind of walks into be like, hey, what's up. I'm
• 16:49
  the protagonist of this now, where they all are like, Rita, tell
• 16:55
  us what's her name? As the character Renee Renee, They're like, hey,
• 17:00
  tell us all about your life that we all know about, and we're
• 17:03
  kind of acting like the audience does too, and she's like, well,
• 17:07
  let me tell you girls. So it's this weird element where just suddenly the
• 17:12
  show you were watching has a new protagonist at the central center of the entire
• 17:18
  thing, and it actually from a storytelling and just like screenwriting perspective, it's
• 17:26
  a little interesting because they don't really straight up tell you what Renee's whole deal
• 17:33
  is. She kind of walks in and she's like, hey, girls,
• 17:37
  let's go out and hang out. I want to hang out. Let's do
• 17:38
  this and be Arthur's character. Blanche says, you didn't talk to him,
• 17:44
  did you. Yeah, we don't know who him is. We don't know
• 17:47
  what they're talking about. We kind of start in media res with this a
• 17:52
  little bit here, so we're just like, not only are we introduced to
• 17:55
  a totally new character, but we are like, apparently there was some stuff
• 17:59
  before hand that we don't know about, so we don't know anything. We're
• 18:03
  basically halfway through the episode and they just didn't show the first half of it.
• 18:08
  We're just kind of in the falling action of it. And like all
• 18:14
  backdoor pilots are really jarring and weird. They're like none of them are smooth,
• 18:19
  and you can always like they're always very transparent of what they're trying to
• 18:23
  accomplish, and this is probably like the smoothest one in that it has the
• 18:29
  main characters there and then gradually they fade away, like it's less and less
• 18:36
  about the Golden Girls with every subsequent scene until they are gone, and it's
• 18:42
  like like like they just kind of like fade off. Dan, I'm gonna
• 18:47
  say, I do not think that you should describe the characters in the Golden
• 18:51
  fading away. Yeah. I do not think that should be the terminology.
• 18:56
  I don't used. Just one by one they fade away into the darkness and
• 19:00
  you're just left there without them, with just the memory of the Golden Girls.
• 19:03
  What's wrong about that? So this is very embarrassing, but I am
• 19:07
  going to say it again. This was my COVID show. This got me
• 19:11
  through a bulk of it. One of my Christmas presents for Brianna was that
• 19:15
  we went to go see the Golden Girls puppet show. Uh what Yeah,
• 19:21
  they did a puppet show in Philadelphia of the of a Golden Girls episode.
• 19:25
  It was Sick Golden Girls with puppets. That sounds dope. It ruled,
• 19:29
  dude. You can basically go see a puppet version, puppet show version of
• 19:33
  anything you want to. You want to go watch a puppet show of Arrow
• 19:37
  season two, the probably doing it at the Kimel Center right now. So
• 19:41
  they did a fake Golden Girls episode with puppets about Sophia faking her death.
• 19:48
  Episode. Yeah, they wrote a basically a spec script for no. It
• 19:52
  was actually pretty good. It was well written. Um it was. They
• 19:56
  did a spec script of Golden Girls where Sophia fakes her death at it out
• 20:00
  with puppets and they haven't they're having a conversation about death at the end,
• 20:04
  and um, real quick. This was two days after Betty White had so
• 20:11
  they hadn't had a chance to do any rewrites. And it ends with Betty
• 20:18
  White's character saying, oh, do you think one day there will only be
• 20:22
  one of us left? And it was supposed to get like an ah and
• 20:27
  instead it got ice cold, mournful silence that you could have drowned it.
• 20:37
  And we got we gotta start recording video for this because my jaws on the
• 20:41
  fucking floor. It was a holy shit because you could kind of one you
• 20:48
  could feel the sorrow emanating from the audience, but you could also feel the
• 20:52
  panic coming off of the stage because they were like, we didn't have anything,
• 21:00
  So there was panic emanating off the stage because they were definitely like,
• 21:03
  we have no idea how this is going to play. They couldn't. We
• 21:07
  don't. We can't rewrite it. It's too late. There. They definitely
• 21:17
  were like, we don't know if they're going to rush the stage and kill
• 21:22
  us. So that was an experience. Okay, oh my god, all
• 21:30
  right, all right, okay, so so back to back to Empty Empty
• 21:34
  Nest, Empty Nests plu. Rina Moreno comes in as Renee and said,
• 21:41
  and she's trying to get the girls to hang out with her, and they're
• 21:44
  like, you need to go talk to him. Him is her husband,
• 21:48
  and we get bits and pieces of their relationship through this. She's like,
• 21:52
  how can I tell him that I'm lonely? Uh? He's doing important work,
• 21:57
  he's saving live and you go, okay, he's a doctor, all
• 22:02
  right. They call him a saint. It is his name, Peter,
• 22:04
  I think it's They call him Saint Peter George, Saint George. Yeah.
• 22:07
  Yeah, so yeah, So that's that's their deal, and they it's it's
• 22:12
  very weird what they choose to spell out for you and what they choose to
• 22:17
  like give you context clues because they never like it takes him a while to
• 22:19
  say he's a doctor, yea, But eventually they do like, you know
• 22:23
  he does work at hospital. But then but then like the Glden Girls all
• 22:27
  know him because he's like a doctor and he explosive v sees like basically the
• 22:33
  seniors of Miami. Yeah yeah, Uh. Sophia says, like I gave
• 22:38
  a stool sample last week. If if I can talk about that, you
• 22:41
  can talk about your marriage. Pretty pretty good joke from Rose of he's the
• 22:47
  only person to ever see me naked except for my husband and my vet,
• 22:52
  yes, which they gets some good material out of. We can't stay im
• 22:55
  sorry, I can't stop. For all the good jokes from the Golden Girls
• 22:57
  in this, I will say this like I didn't realize how much of the
• 23:02
  Golden Girls really just is reaction gifts. Yes, Like so much of the
• 23:07
  Golden Girls is one character says something and then we just cut to another character,
• 23:11
  usually be Arthur, yes, staring at them for three to four seconds
• 23:17
  wordlessly yes, and then moving on. That is one hundred percent the formula
• 23:22
  of the show is uh is blanch or Rose says something stupid, four seconds
• 23:29
  of silence for be Arthur cutting remark, you got yourself a scene. Um,
• 23:37
  So after this conversation, basically I'm gonna have some like Diehard's yell at
• 23:44
  me. Yeah. I keep referring to be Arthur's character as Blanche be Arthur
• 23:48
  played Dorothy Yeah bad uh Yeah, Blanche is the sex one, just the
• 23:52
  one that fucks the sex one, sex one. All right, So we
• 24:00
  gotta get through this. So now we know, we know everything. It's
• 24:03
  it's either hinted at or spelled out for us. Dorothy Strada spells it out
• 24:07
  like your kids have gone to college, your daughter has gone away. It's
• 24:12
  natural for you to feel this way. There's a pretty good joke where Rose
• 24:17
  says that she also had empty nest syndrome, but by the time she talked
• 24:21
  to her husband about it, he died. Yeah, and then she was
• 24:25
  too busy grieving for him to feel the empty nest syndrome. We again,
• 24:29
  we can't just keep repeating the good stuff that the Golden Girls bring, but
• 24:33
  we kind of have to cling to it because it's the only good stuff because
• 24:37
  they're going away, they're sliding out because next thing we do, we remember,
• 24:41
  like twenty five minutes ago, we said that they were waiting for mister
• 24:45
  fix It to come and fix the dishwasher. I assumed that was like a
• 24:49
  company, or like you know, no, mister fix It is a guy
• 24:56
  on the show, or maybe I should say one third of a guy.
• 25:00
  So Dan we get to we moved to the new set, the empty nest
• 25:06
  set, where they start to do the central conflict of the episode, where
• 25:11
  Renee is unhappy that her doctor husband is working too much and as a result
• 25:18
  is neglectful and she's bored because she doesn't have kids doing enrich her life anymore.
• 25:22
  And they start to get into that, and then the show just goes
• 25:25
  this is boring as shit. Let's bring in a guy with d ID And
• 25:30
  then Renee's brother walks in says, what's up. I'm out of the hospital,
• 25:36
  I'm off my meds, and I have three personalities. We're gonna do
• 25:41
  a lot of jokes about me eating three bedrooms when I'm renting an apartment.
• 25:45
  Can I go upstairs and play with your dog that doesn't exist? And there
• 25:49
  they just take all of this in incredible strides. So he goes up as
• 25:56
  to be clear, this is how they introduced the character. He knocks on
• 26:00
  the door, Paul Dooley, George. George is the name of the character.
• 26:03
  George opens it says, hi, Chuck, and Chuck says, Paul,
• 26:08
  I'm a multiple personality. I'm a multiple personality, and so how he
• 26:12
  sets it? How did you know which one I was? And he's like,
• 26:17
  well there are other two personalities use a key, Yeah, like that
• 26:22
  is the joke and I they they bring this character in for these two scenes,
• 26:30
  we only see two out of the three personalities, which I'm furious about.
• 26:33
  Oh, they were definitely saving what the third personalities deal with the deal
• 26:37
  was because they had not figured that out yet and they did not want to
• 26:41
  lock themselves into anything. They were like, we got Ernie, who's the
• 26:45
  normal one? And then they quickly he goes upstairs and he comes back down,
• 26:51
  the Golden Girls show up. They're like, we approve of all of
• 26:53
  this, and we think that this plot is great. And then the brother
• 26:57
  comes. You'd really like to see more of this? Yeah, So I
• 27:00
  would love to see this in a twenty four minute format on a weekly basis,
• 27:04
  would it, all of you studio audience? And as they're doing this,
• 27:10
  brother in law comes down, as basically the point of the show,
• 27:15
  mister fix it? Who is? He talks in a you know, a
• 27:19
  sort of a southern draw, a little bit uh andy. He is a
• 27:25
  handyman who delusionally thinks that he can do incredible feats of workmanship like change their
• 27:32
  toilet so that you can turn it off and on with a remote. And
• 27:36
  he comes down. Basically, he just says, I've been on a rampage
• 27:38
  upstairs. I've tried to fix several things. Sounds like from the from the
• 27:42
  way he's talking about he might have blown up their toilet. I love this
• 27:49
  guy, She explicitly says, miss to fix it. I love this guy.
• 27:53
  Just by, and don't all of you this is here, it is.
• 28:00
  This is kind of the pitch. Mister fix it, you on board,
• 28:04
  and he just goes, I'm gonna go over to the highway. I'm
• 28:07
  gonna try to flag down motorists so I can fix their cars. And everybody's
• 28:11
  like sounds good, but so like the until until Rose asks her to him
• 28:18
  to come over and fix their dishwasher, which doesn't sound like he'll be successful
• 28:22
  able to do no, I think, which is I think the reason the
• 28:27
  dishwasher was broken is because mister fix It had at it. So the established
• 28:33
  this fucking character whose basic deal is he is a delusional handyman that demolishes everything
• 28:41
  he touches by thinking he's basically like a mechanical wizard. And honestly, Marty,
• 28:48
  I'm on board. I do this like I don't. I just I
• 28:53
  don't understand why he needed to be a multiple person had multiple personality disorder in
• 28:57
  the first place. I don't understand why he had to be an intentional comedy
• 29:02
  version of the movie Split. I'm mode intentional because fuck off Shamalan. Yeah,
• 29:07
  but like I don't understand it. And also it doesn't matter because that's
• 29:11
  a rap on, mister Fick. Yeah, he's a rap on, Chuck.
• 29:14
  They fucking bega man, they disappears. I think you want to give
• 29:18
  the don't want to give you too much of mister fix It. They want
• 29:21
  to keep you a begging for more. They want you to be like,
• 29:22
  please God more, mister fixet. I need to tune it on a weekly
• 29:26
  basis to see his antics. They know instead, they know he's the hook,
• 29:32
  and it's like they realize in the middle of taping what a bad idea
• 29:34
  of this character was and then just got rid of him immediately and then replaced
• 29:40
  him with a different guy. Because for the rest of the episode, a
• 29:44
  character named Oliver, who's like the annoying, like womanizing, misogynist next door
• 29:48
  neighbor is also is hanging out and filling the role that you would think Chuck
• 29:52
  would be. How how much? How long did you go thinking that Oliver
• 29:57
  was the third personnel until I looked at the Wikipedia. Just now, yes,
• 30:03
  right, it just seems like the natural thing for him to be is
• 30:07
  the third personality of the multiple personality guy. I really it took me a
• 30:15
  long time to realize that, yeah, that's a different guy. It's a
• 30:18
  different partially because the first two personalities came and left so quickly, so I
• 30:22
  didn't really remember what that guy looked like. So now there's a different guy.
• 30:26
  His name is Oliver. He's an annoying macho like he's a test pilot
• 30:33
  the jacket. He is Barney Stinson and he talks a little bit like this
• 30:38
  kind of CD. Yeah he's kind of a dirt bag, but maybe he's
• 30:44
  got a harder. They don't actually get to any harticle. He's just a
• 30:45
  fucking dirt piece of shit like that. That was the other thing. They
• 30:49
  were like, Okay, well we're getting rid of the guy with them with
• 30:52
  multiple personalities. How about just a fucking asshole. And it's great because Oliver
• 31:00
  roles in. He's be like, hey, I'm a I'm a pilot,
• 31:03
  and let me tell you about some sex I had earlier today. It was
• 31:07
  pretty great, And I'm gonna come in and have one of your beers.
• 31:10
  And you think that they're gonna be like, oh, Oliver, you're a
• 31:14
  lovable rascal, and said they're like, get out of here, go,
• 31:18
  get out of my house. Leave. We all hate you and we don't
• 31:23
  want you here. Please leave, get out of my house. And he's
• 31:27
  like, I'm gonna participate in this storyline, and they're like, I wish
• 31:30
  you wouldn't. I wish you wouldn't. Oliver, you're not making it better,
• 31:34
  either from a character perspective or an overall well overarching story perspective. You're
• 31:41
  not really making this better. So me, a fictional character is basically commenting
• 31:45
  on the structure of the episode. You aren't working this. You don't have
• 31:49
  legs, Oliver. Okay, I did think it was very mean when I
• 31:55
  thought it was that he was the brother in law that they were like,
• 31:57
  Oliver, we're having a family conversation right now, and you're not supposed to
• 32:01
  be part of it. I'm like, stop being so fucking mean to your
• 32:05
  brother, Rita Moreno, he should be part of this. Yeah, now,
• 32:09
  now I understand he's a different guy, so I get it. Whatever.
• 32:12
  Yeah, fuck that guy, who, also, by the way,
• 32:15
  is the like detension teacher, the tension instructor that Julia Stiles flashes to get
• 32:22
  Heath Ledger out of detention in Ten Things I Hate About You. That's where
• 32:27
  you recognize that guy from if you were wondering. He's a good he's a
• 32:30
  good actor. I feel like I've heard his voice a good dirt bag.
• 32:36
  You've definitely heard his voice in a bunch of animated stuff. You've said some
• 32:39
  shit on wild Thornberries. That's like, yeah, you've voiced a sassy cheetah
• 32:45
  or something like that. Anyway, Yeah, that's that's that's his deal.
• 32:50
  They just bring in a dirtbag, just dir a dirt bag, was zero
• 32:54
  redeeming qualities to just be kind of a dirt bag around them, and and
• 32:59
  like they bring it. They bring back Dorothy to be like, hey,
• 33:04
  I have some opinions on your marriage, and I want to come. I'm
• 33:07
  here to kind of move the plot forward and sort of poke you guys with
• 33:09
  a stick to to have developments. And and she comes in and and Oliver's
• 33:15
  like, hey, what's going on? And She's like, fuck off.
• 33:17
  No, it's the worst character. No, even we have history, and
• 33:22
  it was horror. It was a horrible experience for me. It's not even
• 33:25
  playful. You showed up at a party at my house with two naked ladies
• 33:30
  and threw up in my pool. I was not charmed at all. Yeah,
• 33:35
  it's really funny because remember the only role that the Golden Girls have here
• 33:38
  is to show up and say this is great, you should want more of
• 33:43
  this. And the Golden Girls appear and say this guy sucks. Guy.
• 33:47
  We hate this fucking guy, mister fix It, overwhelming, stamp, Look,
• 33:52
  bring him over our house that ever you want. Literally literally look at
• 33:55
  the camera and say how much we love him. Yes, this guy we
• 34:00
  hate. We the original cast members cannot get on board with all of them.
• 34:04
  Yes, we do not sign off on Oliver. Okay, where is
• 34:09
  mister Fixett? Why is mister Fixett not here? That has legs? We
• 34:15
  the Golden Girls are saying this. The thoughts and opinions expressed by Oliver are
• 34:20
  not representative of those of Golden Girls industry. Basically be Arthur turns to the
• 34:28
  camera and says, like, I did not sign up for the ship.
• 34:34
  Let's let's talk about the actual conflict here, right. So, so Renee
• 34:37
  tries to tell her husband, I'm lonely, you're not really paying attention to
• 34:42
  me, and he keeps getting distracted by phone calls from his patients or whatever.
• 34:45
  I thought this I was. I thought this bit was funny. I
• 34:49
  thought it had an okay moment, it was an okay flow readA Mirano was
• 34:52
  great. Paul Dooley's very funny. He takes a phone call. He's like,
• 34:55
  hey, great news, that is great news. Mister Davidson cool,
• 35:00
  Yeah, well i'll talk to you later by click. Mister David's impede.
• 35:02
  Yeah, We're both very relieved. And I was like, all right,
• 35:07
  that's good. It's a good bit. I'm liking this. Okay, kind
• 35:09
  could I could have been on board with this, Like I felt for her.
• 35:14
  I it kind of has a feasible conflict because like, she wants more
• 35:17
  time with her husband now that her kids are out of the house. But
• 35:21
  he's a doc. He's a good doctor who cares about his patients. So
• 35:23
  it's kind of like a realistic sympathetic conflict where you're not like he's a piece
• 35:30
  of shit. He's always down at Wall Street trying to make money. It's
• 35:35
  like now it's actually like just devoted to Like he is ignoring her. He's
• 35:40
  like he's not present at all. Even even as she's straight up saying we
• 35:45
  have problems, I'm not happy, he's kind of brushing her off. Yeah.
• 35:50
  She expresses that she wants to go back to work. Apparently she worked
• 35:52
  at some version of in show business or whatever. She was in ads.
• 35:58
  She was quote the legs in a box of cigarettes, oh wow, Yeah,
• 36:02
  and he was like, you were selling cigarettes? Not okay, little
• 36:07
  demeaning to her her career a little bit where he was like, fuck your
• 36:09
  job, it sucked. But but also like, yeah, I mean that
• 36:15
  is upsetting to him and his job and his whole thing. Like yeah,
• 36:17
  sure, whatever. Good conflict and comedy, conflict in comedy, keep it
• 36:22
  going, Go Paul and Rida, Go Paul and Rida. Yeah, and
• 36:28
  like it does end, or it comes to a crux where she, I'm
• 36:34
  not gonna say, leaves him, but she does. She kind of leaves
• 36:37
  him. Yeah, she goes, she goes to New York to go,
• 36:38
  like, maybe look into working a little bit more like they don't. They
• 36:43
  don't split up. She doesn't say I'm leaving you. I'm gonna go visit
• 36:47
  our daughter at Columbia University and oh, yeah that's right, I'll look into
• 36:54
  maybe taking up modeling again. Oh yeah, that's right. The daughter does
• 36:59
  show up. Jenny Corliss shows up and she's uh, comes back. She's
• 37:04
  like, I went to Columbia, but my boyfriend broke up with me,
• 37:07
  so now I'm sad and I don't want to go back. And then like
• 37:12
  I could see how that if This Empty Nest had become a show, that
• 37:15
  would be an entire episode two, right, Like making sure Jenny goes back
• 37:19
  and feels good about herself and realize and realize that she don't need no man
• 37:23
  or whatever, like that would have been an entire episode to itself. Here's
• 37:27
  this kind of like pushed aside, Like Jenny shows up, the Golden Girls
• 37:30
  are like, we've all been rejected before, and Blanche is like, not
• 37:35
  me, I'm a slot and then h I banged one of my college professors.
• 37:42
  Yeah. Actually, Blanche gets a very long and funny monologue about just
• 37:49
  like being horny for college professors, and she basically does a Harlequin novel version
• 37:55
  of a like right there in the scene for a couple of minutes, and
• 37:59
  then we come a way to be Arthur, who stares at her for five
• 38:01
  seconds, and then move on. Keep doing this, Yeah, keep on
• 38:07
  going, dude. Okay, so talk about what a monster blanches? Just
• 38:12
  get it out of my system. Yes, but so let me just give
• 38:15
  me this expand here. So, so Jenny comes and goes basically as a
• 38:20
  reason to get Renee to New York. When they convince Jenny to go back
• 38:24
  to school by saying they will cut her off and never speak to her again
• 38:30
  jokingly, yeah, kind of, Uh, that gives Renee a reason to
• 38:35
  go to New York. She's like, I'm going to take our daughter back
• 38:37
  up and then I'm going to look into modeling agencies while I'm there. I
• 38:40
  don't know how long I'll be back, So it's kind of a threat.
• 38:44
  It's kind of she does a threat. They have an interaction where she says,
• 38:49
  um. She says like, I need something to do now that my
• 38:52
  uh, now that my kids are out of school, and he goes like,
• 38:57
  well what Um, what are your friends do you now that all their
• 39:00
  kids around. She goes like, well, they take up hobbies, they
• 39:02
  do charity work. Some of them have affairs, and it's kind of it's
• 39:07
  explicitly a threat of like, start paying attention to here, I'm gonna fuck
• 39:10
  some guy. And instead of being at all face, he just goes like,
• 39:15
  wait, what your friends are having affairs? Holy shit? Tell me
• 39:19
  give me that cheese bay? What the fuck? Hell? Yes? Uh?
• 39:24
  That which is very charmed and good. I liked it. I'm charmed
• 39:29
  by these two. They're nice. I enjoy spending time with them. She
• 39:32
  goes up to New York. George's left hanging around the apartment, kind of
• 39:37
  waiting for her to call, being increasingly anxious about her being away. Over
• 39:45
  who is waking it worse? No more chuck, no more mister fix it.
• 39:50
  Who might be like, hey, man, that's still my sister.
• 39:52
  I know that I'm the wacky comic relief here and we're making fun of me
• 39:55
  because I'm mentally ill, But that's my sister. Dude, Like, it
• 40:00
  would be so much better if if the brother was there being like, yeah,
• 40:06
  man, this is my sister. I'm like, I'm having a moment
• 40:09
  of clarity between my multiple personalities. Honestly a line that would have worked as
• 40:15
  he be like, man, there's three of us, we all agree that
• 40:17
  you have to treat her better. Bing bang boom, so good easy,
• 40:22
  Hey all on multiple personality guy and say you got Oliver being like, I
• 40:27
  don't give a shit about anything you got going on. I don't really care
• 40:30
  why I hear about a time I fucked and he's like, oh my god,
• 40:35
  part one of the reasons I need to go make up with my wife
• 40:37
  is I need to get the fuck away from you. Like that's kind of
• 40:40
  Oliver's role is just be so unpleasant that he's like, if I don't get
• 40:45
  my wife back, you're my future just being with you all the time because
• 40:50
  some reason you have unfettered access to my house. So by let's just get
• 40:55
  through this. So he goes and he meets her in her hotel in New
• 41:00
  York and like the middle of the night, he rushes up to her and
• 41:04
  he's like he's like, hey, I love you, I miss you.
• 41:07
  I'm sorry. Here's some steps I'm gonna take, and he shows her like
• 41:13
  even made some sketches and made some calls. I'm going to move my practice
• 41:19
  into the house. So I'm gonna start being here. We're gonna open up
• 41:22
  an office here. I'm also gonna take less patience. Let's let's go through
• 41:27
  this together. Yeah, and it's sweet. It's as beautiful I like,
• 41:30
  I like this moment. Then they fuck and then they fuck lovely. Then
• 41:37
  they fuck hardcore for like three days and it's wonderful. Yeah. They they
• 41:43
  trained up and saying like, hey, we're in New York, We've got
• 41:45
  a hotel room, let's let's do this whatever, Like, uh, okay,
• 41:50
  it's good. So so so let's let's have the Let we we normally
• 41:52
  do this question at the end, but we should do it now. Do
• 41:55
  it now? Yeah, based off of what you have seen, would you
• 41:59
  green light this show with slight edits? Yes? Yeah, with some changes.
• 42:07
  Yes. And by some changes, I mean I would cut Oliver and
• 42:12
  we would have a long, long discussion about Chuck. Yes, but otherwise
• 42:16
  Chuck and need some work. But otherwise I don't hate this idea. You
• 42:22
  know you've you've already got Golden Girls, which proves that audiences will tune in
• 42:27
  for the stories of older women. And so here is a bit of a
• 42:31
  change of the family comedy dynamic that was so popular at the time. There's
• 42:37
  so many different families on TV, and this is like what happens when your
• 42:43
  family shrinks back to a meeting. I like Paul Dooley. I love Rita
• 42:47
  Moreno. I think they were good together. Their scenes were good, they
• 42:51
  were believable, they were funny, they were funny, they were sweet.
• 42:54
  I would spend more time with George and Renee Corliss. Yeah, I think
• 43:00
  I think that element, the core element worked, and the concept works.
• 43:06
  Yeah, it's it's it's an original premise. Like you you have a billion
• 43:09
  shows about families and stuff like that. Um, you don't have a lot
• 43:14
  of shows about people whose kids are out of the house because shows kind of
• 43:19
  tend to avoid not having kids in it because kids are like a NonStop source
• 43:22
  of antics, right, right, and that and that's also like how you
• 43:27
  get the kids to watch the show, right, or to make their parents
• 43:30
  mad and to bug their parents to watch the show because they see the kid
• 43:35
  that looks like them that they want to be. Yeah whatever. So so
• 43:37
  like this is very clearly this is a grown up show, Like this is
• 43:40
  a show for adults. Also, I feel like the the thing that they
• 43:46
  were like leaving at the end of him putting his practice in the home,
• 43:52
  that's great. That's a good hook that allows you to do a lot of
• 43:55
  stuff. Him him treating patients out of the house, that's good. All
• 44:00
  of his doctor bits were very funny. Yeah, you know, so,
• 44:04
  yeah, I was all about this. I was like, you know what,
• 44:07
  I'm not gonna say I was all about this, but I there were
• 44:09
  some glimmers of goodness there that I would have given a chance to if this
• 44:16
  came on, like on cable, I would watch it. I would.
• 44:21
  I wouldn't. I wouldn't like actively seek it out, but I would.
• 44:24
  I would watch this if it came on. It might be a show like
• 44:28
  CBS Smash Hit Ghosts where I'm the only one who watches it and I and
• 44:31
  I'm like, y'all should check out Ghosts. It's pretty good. Y'all should
• 44:35
  check out Ghosts. It's pretty Yeah. So that is where we leave things.
• 44:42
  Intermission, Dan, please tell me how what a horrible person blanches.
• 44:45
  Okay, so again, you are not supposed to watch Golden Girls in rapid
• 44:50
  succession. It is not a show that meant that is meant to be a
• 44:53
  marathon because it rapidly. Two things rapidly become clear. Dorothy is trapped in
• 44:59
  hell surround by three women that are extremely mean to her and cause her constant
• 45:02
  pain. And two Blanche is a fucking monster. I'm gonna list off some
• 45:07
  things off the top of my head that she has done that is horrible.
• 45:12
  Stealing her friend's cars so that she can crash into men at intersections to meet
• 45:16
  them. That's crash. Yes. Trying to fuck her dead husband's brother,
• 45:22
  that's just the Cronenberg movie My dead husband's brother fucking prior to his death.
• 45:28
  Her friend's husband, disapproving of her daughter's interracial relationship, that's just the Paul
• 45:34
  Haggis movie Crash. Being a member of a Confederacy cosplay group and having a
• 45:42
  lot of problematic opinions about that, being very disapproving of her brother being gay,
• 45:49
  at one point, getting her friend actually arrested for a chance to meet
• 45:53
  a guy. Specifically, her friend was dating a guy that she had a
• 45:58
  crush on, so she had her arrested. She reported that she was in
• 46:02
  a stolen vehicle so that she would get arrested so she could go on a
• 46:07
  date with the dude. Oh, Oh and the big one, skipping her
• 46:09
  father's funeral because she was in a mild fight with her sister. That's one
• 46:16
  of like a thousand examples of her being a fucking psychopath. Like basically,
• 46:23
  her overarching thing is she is constantly trying to meet men and get laid,
• 46:29
  and there is literally nothing that can get in between her and that old man
• 46:35
  dick. She will slit a child's throat without blinking an eye for six inches,
• 46:42
  swear to God, were like most a moral character ever put to screen.
• 46:50
  All right, So there's a real easy fucking fan fake prompt free all
• 46:53
  out here right there. Let's just let's just shift some time lines around.
• 46:59
  Let's go ahead and pretend that How I Met your Mother and Golden Girls happened
• 47:02
  at the same time. Just Barney Stenson and uh Blanche Devereaux hook up and
• 47:09
  they just have monstrous sex like Fred like just they quarantine each other with with
• 47:16
  the way that Blanche has written that plot ends with her detonating a dirty bomb
• 47:22
  in downtown Miami like she is, there is nothing that woman is not capable
• 47:25
  of. Um, I mean, actually I would kind of really I like
• 47:30
  most people, so seeing people I gave up on How I Met Your Mother.
• 47:34
  I would really love it if that was like a recurring theme that our
• 47:38
  like womanizing character had, just like a recurring older lady that showed up in
• 47:44
  his life and fucked his ship up. Honestly, they must have been kicking
• 47:49
  themselves that they started that show after she died. They must have been fuck
• 47:52
  that. We could have made best. Stunt casting would have been real easy.
• 47:57
  Stunt casting have been fantastic. They would have his mom um. All
• 48:02
  right. So, so intermission over, and what I had just said is,
• 48:07
  uh, that is where we leave things one year later. Yes,
• 48:14
  time jump Marty, Marty. Good news they picked up the show. It
• 48:17
  was greenlit or wishes came true. Hey, we we get more time with
• 48:22
  Paul. We we we get more time with Renee and George. No,
• 48:28
  we're gonna get to No, No, what about mister fix? Nope?
• 48:34
  God, Oliver all well, actually, fu, I have good news for
• 48:42
  you, Bud. Oliver sticks around Oliver indoors like the cockroach he is after
• 48:50
  a nuclear blast. Yeah, welcome to Empty Nest singular baby. So they're
• 48:59
  they're there's a show on NBC. It's called Empty Nest. It runs for
• 49:06
  seven fucking seasons and the latter two seasons Sophia from The Golden Girls joins the
• 49:14
  cast and it's just there for two years. For some reason, I can
• 49:20
  summarize plot of empty Nest singular pretty easily. Alexa write a sitcom that's basically
• 49:31
  it is the most cookie cutter bullshit. I do want to add one important
• 49:38
  bit of context before we explain the plot of empty Nest singular between the backdoor
• 49:45
  pilot and the launch of the show full house came out. Uh yeah,
• 49:52
  that that really makes a difference. Yes, so, Murty, what is
• 49:57
  empty Nest singular about? Oh? Well, empty nest is about a widowed
• 50:01
  pediatrician whose children, whose adult daughters come back to live with him after their
• 50:09
  marriages fail, Meaning it is most decidedly not an empty nest. It is,
• 50:15
  in fact a full fucking house. It is the least empty a nest
• 50:22
  could possibly be. Not only not only is a guy with his two adult
• 50:31
  daughters who moved back home with him, there is also some fucking randall rolling
• 50:37
  through and a dog. The nest is so full. If there's a very
• 50:44
  full nest, there are an addition to like other other extents, other tertiary
• 50:51
  cast members like his nursing assistant, and other people that roll through, love
• 50:57
  interests come through. It is the fullest nest it is. It is actually,
• 51:04
  I mean the later shows, it feels most like we're probably CBS is
• 51:08
  Becker because it's about a curmudgeonly doctor and his office and two and a half
• 51:15
  men. Yeah, deeply it if two and a half men was just two
• 51:21
  women, yeah, and their dad. I don't know, but it's the
• 51:23
  same same, same sort of sort of idea. So who's the Charlie Sheen
• 51:29
  in the scenario, Marty Oliver actually, actually keep that in mind. Keep
• 51:37
  that in mind because I'm gonna say something in a little bit when we get
• 51:39
  through this. Uh, but keep keep the Charlie Sheen two and a half
• 51:45
  men. Think it freshened your brain. The other thing that happens, by
• 51:47
  the way, is just that, like that pilot, that episode of The
• 51:52
  Golden Girls, everyone hated Rita Moreno specifically was like, this sucks. I
• 51:58
  don't want to work on this any more, which is a shame because she's
• 52:01
  good in it, Like she's good. But yeah, Moreno called like criticized
• 52:07
  it. She said, oh, so this might explain a little bit of
• 52:09
  context. She explained that the script desperately needed rewrites from creator Susan Harris,
• 52:15
  but she was But Susan Harris was very sick during the week of shooting,
• 52:20
  so they left it to other writers to fix. So yeah, they really
• 52:22
  were just making up the script on the fly. According to Moreno, quote,
• 52:27
  every day they kept changing my character to the extent that by the time
• 52:30
  we got to do it in front of an audience, I couldn't remember line
• 52:32
  one because the attitudes had changed so many times. That was the most embarrassing
• 52:38
  experience we must have done. I would guess about fifteen takes in front of
• 52:43
  an audience. So Rida Moreno has a horrible time. Marida Moreno still has
• 52:49
  pull so she hates this shit. So two factors there. Full House comes
• 52:53
  out, then the Empty Nests episode bombs, and it's star says, this
• 53:00
  sucks. I'm out. Yeah right, So then they revamp it to be
• 53:05
  a show about mister fix It. Definitely feels like a character of like,
• 53:12
  I don't know, what if what if there's a guy named mister fix It?
• 53:17
  Yeah that that he is ant tonal shift. I cannot believe for a
• 53:22
  second that mister fix It is in the original first draft by Susan Harris,
• 53:25
  Like I just for that's a floor rewrite if I have ever seen one.
• 53:30
  Yeah, kind of feeling they've pulled that actor off, like we just have
• 53:37
  this guy for the day, Go go vamp Vamp. He was gonna be
• 53:40
  an extra, but now he has several speaking lines. So all right.
• 53:45
  So so our new character, our new pediatrician. Our new doctor is doctor
• 53:51
  Harry Weston. He's a pediatrician. He's cranky, old man. Most of
• 53:57
  the time, he just talks to his dog, Dreyfus. He says dryfe
• 54:00
  is his name about twenty fucking times. Like the first eight minutes of just
• 54:04
  this man talking to a dog. It's very sad. The intro is mostly
• 54:09
  him and the dog. It's like a guy and his dog having fun together.
• 54:14
  Also his daughters here and back to the dog. They're getting in bed
• 54:19
  like there's they blow past all the other details and it's just dog time.
• 54:24
  Our doctor. His name is Harry. Yeah, his name is Harry.
• 54:30
  It's been a couple of years since his wife has died, and pretty much
• 54:36
  the crux of this episode is a woman that he has been having dinner with
• 54:43
  every week for the past year or so says, hey, what's our deal?
• 54:51
  Yeah? Yeah, And more specifically, she's she like says, hey,
• 54:55
  do we have a date on Friday? And he goes, day,
• 55:00
  we're not dating. I don't date anyone. What we're not dating? And
• 55:02
  she's like, if we're not dating, how what what are we fucking doing
• 55:07
  here? Man, we've been we've been having dinner every Friday for a year.
• 55:12
  Come on, man, this is an important question in your view from
• 55:17
  these interactions, Are they fucking I don't think so. I don't think in
• 55:23
  fact, in fact, in fact, he specifically says we no, I
• 55:27
  know they they're not, because he specifically says we've never had sex, we've
• 55:30
  never even kissed. That has been so much more insane, Like right,
• 55:37
  you know, I don't have issue with this part of it. I don't
• 55:42
  have issue with this part of the episode at all. Because don't because I'm
• 55:45
  about to have some fucking issues with it. I don't have issue with this
• 55:49
  part of the episode because you know what, man's wife died, all right,
• 55:53
  it's you with someone for a long time. On his end, she's
• 55:59
  fucking no, she's nuts. She comes up, no, no, no,
• 56:01
  no, So she says, so first she says like, let's let's
• 56:07
  say what we are actually doing. But then she elevates it. She's like,
• 56:08
  hey, how about we get married. And that's when he goes,
• 56:14
  what And I couldn't tell how serious that was, but he definitely was.
• 56:19
  She drops a proposal there, it's like, hey, let's get married,
• 56:22
  he says. That's when he says, we've never had sex, We've never
• 56:25
  even kissed. We do kiss, I will say. She does have a
• 56:30
  point when she says, like, look, if we're not getting together,
• 56:32
  if we're not doing this, I need to move on with my life.
• 56:37
  Okay, the marriage thing is the marriage thing is is to my mind,
• 56:40
  the marriage thing is crazy. But also if I was a sixty seven year
• 56:45
  old widower, maybe I would think differently. I don't know. Okay,
• 56:49
  No, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna take a pretty hard stand here.
• 56:52
  So there. She announces that they have been dating for a year, despite
• 56:59
  the fact that they have never or even kissed. They have just been hanging
• 57:00
  out, being friends, having dinner. He thought that they were in a
• 57:04
  platonic relationship. She announces, No, this has been a romantic relationship for
• 57:09
  the past year, and now you have to marry me or we can't be
• 57:15
  friends anymore. And he is like, well, this is a really important
• 57:21
  relationship in my life. I'm not ready for anything romantic because my wife died
• 57:25
  a year ago and you have been one of the pillars of my life been
• 57:31
  recovering from that. So I am so desperate to keep you in my life
• 57:37
  that I am considering marrying a stranger, which is exacerbated by the fact that
• 57:43
  one of his living adult daughters says she hit on you at the funeral.
• 57:49
  Yeah, And there's a conflict here because one of the daughters is like,
• 57:52
  Yay, she's wonderful. I think this woman's name is Eva or something.
• 57:55
  Eva's great, and the other daughter is like, Eva's a bit and she
• 58:00
  tried to move in on you at mom's funeral. So you know, it's
• 58:06
  oh, this this fucking show man. This show is garbage. By the
• 58:08
  way, Yeah, this show sucks so hard. I'm gonna I'm gonna just
• 58:14
  add a quick detail. In every scene that we describe, imagine that the
• 58:19
  camera is pointed slightly in the wrong direction, somebody, the bottom of somebody's
• 58:28
  head is always cut off, something is slightly out of frame, that it
• 58:32
  is never centered. It's always ass. So yeah, so she says specifically,
• 58:39
  she moved in on you. Basically, this lady is preying upon a
• 58:45
  sad old man to try to get a husband. He is in a very
• 58:50
  like a vulnerable place, and did she immediately pressures him for marriage. She
• 58:54
  could be like, hey, let's go official, let's say explicitly we are
• 59:00
  dating and we are in a romantic relationship. Instead she's like, marry me.
• 59:06
  It's fucked up. This lady's nuts and very mean. I agree with
• 59:10
  the with the critical daughter. Can I Can I just say this show is
• 59:15
  actually extremely mean. This is a very mean show. Yeah, Like it's
• 59:20
  mean spirit, It's it's so weird to me. How like this show has
• 59:25
  the veneer of all of those like overly cheery like nineties TV shows, you
• 59:31
  know it really it's got the friendly dog and the old man and it's a
• 59:37
  fucking caddy bitchy show. And nowhere is that more apparent in the character of
• 59:44
  Carol Weston. Carol is Harry's daughter, one of the daughters there. He
• 59:47
  has two daughters, a younger one and the older one is like, it's
• 59:52
  like a cop, she's like a tough one. She's like a plucky cop.
• 59:55
  Yeah, and I don't live with him. For some reason, I
• 1:00:00
  think at this point they don't live with him. I watched a season two
• 1:00:04
  episode and they both live with him. They both live with him later,
• 1:00:07
  like they both they both live with him later. But I think at this
• 1:00:12
  point it might just like they might just be getting ready. But so here's
• 1:00:16
  what we know about Carol. Carol is devorce divorced, and everyone is such
• 1:00:25
  a fucking dick about it. He's straight up like like like you expect it
• 1:00:32
  from Oliver. By the way, Oliver is still here. He's got a
• 1:00:36
  different name, and he's got a different job. He's now some kind of
• 1:00:38
  like he's a shot cap. He's like a ship captain instead of a pilot,
• 1:00:43
  cruise ship captain instead of a pilot, and his name is like Chaz
• 1:00:45
  instead of all But it's the same dude, So you expect him to be
• 1:00:49
  a piece of shit like she's He's like a piece of shit to her and
• 1:00:52
  is like, hey, yeah, heard your husband left you for someone hotter.
• 1:00:59
  Maybe if you were hot or your husband wouldn't have that, maybe wouldn't
• 1:01:01
  have left you. He's a fucking dick. He specifically says Oh yeah,
• 1:01:07
  um Rita, she was so hot. I would have loved to fuck her.
• 1:01:10
  No wonder your husband left you to fuck her. I would have done
• 1:01:14
  the same thing. And she's like, hey, attention to that name.
• 1:01:17
  I'm gonna have some thoughts about that name. In a minute. She says,
• 1:01:21
  hey, fuck you, you're a dick. And the dad, instead
• 1:01:24
  of being like, I'm going to beat the living shit out of you and
• 1:01:29
  throw you out of my house and say that if you ever come back into
• 1:01:31
  this building, I'm gonna kill you, he's like, Chaz, you and
• 1:01:37
  your things that you say, Like so that's so, that's bad enough.
• 1:01:43
  But then we get to another scene like later where she's having breakfast with with
• 1:01:49
  her father and her sister and she's doing the I'm an eighties nineties woman and
• 1:01:53
  I'm upset about my weight because she says my talking Scale was lying to me.
• 1:01:59
  Turns out I don't way what I thought I waited. Oh she lied.
• 1:02:01
  And then her sister's like, huh, first your husband, then you're
• 1:02:06
  Scale, looks like you can't trust anyone. What the fuck? People come
• 1:02:09
  at her throat over this divorce. People so hard mean to her because her
• 1:02:15
  husband left this poor vulnerable woman. And then again Harry's just like, girls,
• 1:02:22
  stop your stupid shit talk about me. Yeah, it's just this show
• 1:02:29
  is deeply, deeply mean. Yeah, And they introduce a nursing They show
• 1:02:35
  him at his job. He works with kids now instead of old people.
• 1:02:38
  Yeah, he really likes the kids. And they have his foil there,
• 1:02:44
  who is an extremely mean nurse who is very mean to him, and also
• 1:02:47
  the kids, and they snipe at each other and talk shit constantly. And
• 1:02:52
  also she is a she's from Arkansas, so she is a vehicle for a
• 1:02:55
  lot of jokes about how stupid and backwards people from the South are. Where
• 1:03:00
  she's like, I'm from Arkansas. When we wanted to go to the opera,
• 1:03:06
  we just watched two pigs wrestle, or like, oh Dayton, I'm
• 1:03:10
  from Arkansas. You just fucked your cousin yeehaw. Like just an extremely reductive
• 1:03:20
  character. Can we also, I've just brief aside. We're jumping either forward
• 1:03:24
  and backward in the flow of the show. But when he's at his job,
• 1:03:29
  there is a scene where he goes into a room. Um, this
• 1:03:35
  lady's kid ate her very expensive ring, and she's like, I'm very upset
• 1:03:43
  about this. My kid ate my ring. It was very expensive. When
• 1:03:47
  am I gonna when is he gonna poop it out? I have a social
• 1:03:51
  function that I needed for. Yeah. Kind of a fuck up thing to
• 1:03:54
  say. Um, And he like insults her to her face in front of
• 1:04:00
  the kid, kicks her out of the room. Um, and gives the
• 1:04:04
  kid his phone number to call him at home, and explicitly tells him to
• 1:04:10
  not tell his mom that he has his phone number. Says like, don't
• 1:04:15
  tell your mom about this, and then sends him out like we're gonna have
• 1:04:18
  some guy talk, all right. Your mom's out of the home. She
• 1:04:23
  sure is a bitch, right, Tommy, Your mom fucking sucks. Shit,
• 1:04:27
  you're gonna poop out that ring. Don't eat any rings anymore. Also,
• 1:04:30
  here's my home phone number. Call me whatever you want, but don't
• 1:04:33
  tell your mom. Da just just just an adult man giving a small child
• 1:04:39
  his phone number and saying not to tell all the other adult in his life.
• 1:04:42
  There's nothing weird here, nothing weird here, nothing weird here. Women
• 1:04:45
  are bitches, right, yeah, nothing weird. Jesus Christ, all right.
• 1:04:51
  He basically pulls this guy, this kid aside. He's like, so,
• 1:04:55
  you know, bitches. Right. You know that all went we can
• 1:04:59
  talk and a man, right, small child, you know that all women
• 1:05:01
  are bitches? Right? Hates women. So I found it amazing that this
• 1:05:09
  show was created by a woman, and that it's supposedly spun off by the
• 1:05:14
  Golden Girl of Golden Girls, a show which loves women. Yeah, and
• 1:05:20
  it hates one woman in particular. And here's where I want to jump in.
• 1:05:24
  We're gonna jump ahead. We're gonna jump to the part where Carol calls
• 1:05:30
  Harry out, the part where Carol says, fuck you, basically, fuck
• 1:05:33
  you for trying to move on, fuck you for marrying this person. You
• 1:05:38
  haven't reconnected with your family at all. And you weren't just gone because of
• 1:05:43
  Mom. You've been gone for years. You were always gone. You were
• 1:05:47
  absent from my entire my entire childhood. I waited for you. And there
• 1:05:54
  were always other kids that came before me, the kids that were your patients,
• 1:05:58
  always took precedence over your kids, that were your your that were your
• 1:06:01
  your were your kids. And she calls him out on it and that,
• 1:06:05
  and then she says, and so here I am. My life has fallen
• 1:06:09
  apart, and I'm divorced. Because of a slut named Rita, and the
• 1:06:15
  entire episode stops so that Harry can look at the screen in the middle of
• 1:06:20
  of the fucking like dramatic heart of the episode and say, well, you
• 1:06:27
  name your child, Rita, you might just get a slut. Hey Dan
• 1:06:30
  Quick from Quick whatever fresher? Who was the actress in the in the first
• 1:06:38
  in the first version of empty Nests? Who was that? Was? That?
• 1:06:43
  Was that? Egot winner, Egot winner, Presidential Middle of Freedom recipient,
• 1:06:48
  National Medal of Arts recipient, star offstagent screen, Rita fucking Moreno.
• 1:06:58
  This show is so fucking petty that it stops, deaden its tracks in what
• 1:07:03
  should have been its most dramatic moment to insult, to call out national sweetheart,
• 1:07:14
  Rita fucking Moreno, a legend, a woman who I mean this with
• 1:07:20
  all sincerity, has more talent in her ass than any one of these people
• 1:07:29
  than this entire cast combined. Yeah now read them now. Disclaimer. Rina
• 1:07:34
  Moreno is a very empowered woman. She is a fectly straight forward woman.
• 1:07:38
  She is a woman who loves to drop things like there's in fact like drops
• 1:07:43
  things like Marlon Brando was better in bed than Elvis Presley, just to let
• 1:07:47
  you know that she fucked both Marlon Brando and Elvis Presley, possibly at the
• 1:07:50
  same time. So Rita Moreno might be all on board with like reclaiming that
• 1:07:56
  slur and talking about her, but it is only okay when Rita does it,
• 1:08:00
  and they didn't. I don't mean it in that way. They were
• 1:08:03
  like like they were not like she's such a slight, They're like she is
• 1:08:06
  a dirty wore. So, yeah, this show just shuts down to fucking
• 1:08:14
  badmouth Rita Moreno for not for not wanting to go along with it. It
• 1:08:19
  is so the grudge. Remember, over a year has passed, They've retooled
• 1:08:25
  the entire thing, like up until the point where they wrote Charlie Sheen off
• 1:08:30
  of Two and a half Men and basically dropped a fucking piano on his head.
• 1:08:33
  Yeah, like it's one of the meanest things I've ever seen from a
• 1:08:38
  backstage thing. I'm pissed. Yeah, I'm pissed at this. I didn't
• 1:08:43
  realize I didn't even notice that element to it. But that just adds to
• 1:08:46
  the fucking nastiness of it. Because also after that whole monologue, she's like,
• 1:08:51
  I'm in a lot of fucking pain, both from like my current situation
• 1:08:56
  and my childhood that I'm like working through and having a tough time dealing with.
• 1:09:00
  He's like, all right, that helps me make a decision about my
• 1:09:05
  personal life. The important thing I'm taking away is I'm not going to get
• 1:09:11
  married. Like the poor woman is her husband, her mom died and her
• 1:09:15
  husband left her. The show should be about her. Yeah, like what,
• 1:09:21
  She's the only one that is even vaguely relatable because the other sister is
• 1:09:28
  just like, I'm a cop, I'm plucky. Also, I say mean
• 1:09:30
  things to my sister all the time. Three traits. That's it, and
• 1:09:35
  the seven seasons the show aired. Oh okay, so I accidentally watched like
• 1:09:44
  season two episode twenty seven thinking it was the pilot. Very confused. Okay,
• 1:09:50
  so you you should have been watching season two episode twenty six of Golden
• 1:09:55
  Girls. You watched it of him? No, no, I put on
• 1:09:58
  this is getting cut out. But I put on the YouTube video of an
• 1:10:01
  Empty Nest full show, and for some reason, it started with season two
• 1:10:05
  episode twenty seven. Not only does this situation not improve, the two daughters
• 1:10:13
  move into the house and basically regress to teenagers, where they are constantly fighting
• 1:10:20
  over like who cleaned my room? Who organized it? One of the lines
• 1:10:26
  is where's my gun? Why would you move my gun? And they make
• 1:10:31
  the divorce character much dumber. They kind of turned her into a dits And
• 1:10:39
  the big conflict is they're arguing all the time, and Harry has to basically
• 1:10:44
  say that he's going on a business trip to Paris and if they keep fighting,
• 1:10:49
  he won't take them along. And these two adult women with careers start
• 1:10:57
  going like, oh daddy, we're not gonna fight. Where are you gonna
• 1:11:01
  pretend to be best friends so that you'll take us to Paris? And at
• 1:11:05
  this point I am sitting there being like, you both have jobs, you
• 1:11:10
  both have you can go to Paris. You are adult women with finances like
• 1:11:17
  you are gainfully employed, just save up to go to Paris? Why are
• 1:11:23
  why are these two women suddenly teenage girls? So it starts they get infantilized
• 1:11:29
  hard, and their whole thing is basically um uh. The divorce one becomes
• 1:11:34
  an airhead dits um and the cop one becomes extremely mean. I think I
• 1:11:43
  think the cop one also moved back. I think her her. Yeah,
• 1:11:45
  they also fails apart falls apart good idea, Yeah, good. She deserves
• 1:11:51
  it. Uh fuck fuck the police, but fuck this one in particular.
• 1:11:57
  And so that's it again. Not an empty nest, the least empty.
• 1:12:02
  So yeah, it's a terrible show. I think only becomes more and more
• 1:12:06
  of a pile of mush over the seven seasons it ran, which I think
• 1:12:12
  like it kind of succeeds by following the full house formula, a show I
• 1:12:17
  despise by basically doing like, we're not going to have an actual conflict.
• 1:12:26
  What we're going to do is we're going to have a series of thirty micro
• 1:12:31
  conflicts per episode that are immediately resolved within the same scene. So it's just
• 1:12:38
  kind of a person being like, I've misunderstood you and I took issue with
• 1:12:42
  something you said, and the person going like, actually that's not what I
• 1:12:45
  meant and then going like I forgive you. And you just do that four
• 1:12:47
  times an episode and instead of having to like right anything, you just do
• 1:12:54
  that. It's complete ass It is fucking insane that this ran for this long.
• 1:13:00
  You could get away with a lot of ship back before you No,
• 1:13:02
  this isn't the days of cable, right, Like, yeah, you had
• 1:13:05
  to have some sort of competition. It's very weird. You can kind of
• 1:13:11
  see this sort of like so this is kind of like the last hurrah of
• 1:13:15
  a dying era and actually might be like too late, too late by this
• 1:13:20
  point, because Empty Nest started in nineteen eighty eight. Nineteen eighty nine.
• 1:13:29
  Seinfeld shows up, yeah right, Seinfeldt shows up a year later and kind
• 1:13:35
  of dominates the scene, and eventually that starts to give way towards towards Matt
• 1:13:40
  About You, which kind of changes things in the nineties the way that we
• 1:13:44
  look at the entire Mussey TV lineup that NBC does. This show aired on
• 1:13:48
  NBC, by the way, so they were shifting away from that, so
• 1:13:54
  it changes everything. So Empty Nest is, despite the fact that it ran
• 1:13:58
  for so long to the dying breath of that style of comedy, or at
• 1:14:03
  least it was until it kind of gets reshaped into the Two and a half
• 1:14:08
  Men mold. We we've like dipped our toe into this ocean a couple of
• 1:14:15
  times of just the fact that there were, like, underneath all the good
• 1:14:18
  shows from like the seventies and eighties that we remember and love, there was
• 1:14:25
  just this vast ocean of like here's some people and some stuff happens. You
• 1:14:32
  know, they talk about coconut trees for a little bit and somebody has something
• 1:14:36
  mildly funny to say about it, and you know, there's not really that
• 1:14:41
  much of a conflict. But yes, it passes the time you're closer to
• 1:14:45
  death and it wasn't painful, so congratulations. And there weren't just decades of
• 1:14:53
  that of just like for everyone, like good show, there was just like
• 1:15:00
  you know, like a couple of pals hanging out. It was. It
• 1:15:03
  was always like a man, his wife, the two kids, the two
• 1:15:08
  kids say something quirky, the man and the wife of disagreeing. It's all
• 1:15:11
  good. What I've kind of learned is that in TV time, six or
• 1:15:15
  seven years is not long at all. Yeah, six or seven years,
• 1:15:18
  which to me seems like way too long for a TV show to be on.
• 1:15:24
  I believe that all shows should end after five seasons, and also all
• 1:15:28
  movies should be ninety minutes long. And also everything is too long these days
• 1:15:31
  and expects me to have too many things goddamn kids, which is strangers things.
• 1:15:36
  Anyway, six years apparently doesn't mean anything. Some of the things we've
• 1:15:43
  gotten to do with this show is we get to explore things that I'm gonna
• 1:15:47
  say are forgotten. Empty Nest is forgotten. Nobody gives a shit about Empty
• 1:15:53
  Nest. It made, it was on for seven years. It makes no
• 1:15:56
  impact. Sometimes that's good. Sometimes we get to discover little jets that I
• 1:16:00
  wish were a little bit more promote, like like well known I think may
• 1:16:04
  have deserved a little bit better. This is not one of them. This
• 1:16:09
  is It's crazy. I am. As I have gotten older, I have
• 1:16:13
  become such a shot sucker for shows like this where everything is fine for the
• 1:16:19
  most part, where like the steaks are never too high and things are pretty
• 1:16:23
  chill. Yeah, generally, put one of these on and I'm happy because
• 1:16:28
  at this point, modern television stresses me out. Um. As a brief
• 1:16:33
  side, um, We've started watching The Middle, which is the kind of
• 1:16:40
  mid I hate The Middle, but specifically because it goes like, Hey,
• 1:16:45
  here's some characters. They're cute, right, you like them, They're they're
• 1:16:49
  likable, You enjoy all their little quirks. Yeah, you like these people.
• 1:16:53
  They're in hell there they are. The writers of this show are the
• 1:16:58
  devil, and they are in hell. Every week to watch these delightful people
• 1:17:02
  that you love suffer and experience at best pyric victories and experience infinite hardships,
• 1:17:12
  laugh laugh at their misfortune. I'm all for it. I'm all for it.
• 1:17:16
  I would rather have that. I would rather have that than have the
• 1:17:20
  like Parks and Wreck Michael Shore model. This is us kind of model,
• 1:17:25
  where like we love our precious babies and everything is going to work out fine
• 1:17:29
  for them for no reason. I've said this many times. Every TV show,
• 1:17:31
  every modern TV show, needs one designated hater. Every TV show needs
• 1:17:38
  one person in the writing staff who does not like these people and doesn't find
• 1:17:44
  their shit charming and will just go ahead and fuck with them. Right,
• 1:17:48
  So I p vastly prefer that over just how like annoyingly sweet. We've all
• 1:17:56
  we've made TV shows and and and sort of edgeless, and I don't even
• 1:18:00
  necessarily think that, Like you just heard me yell at this show for being
• 1:18:03
  mean. I'm not a big fan of like mean TV. I don't even
• 1:18:05
  really like always sunny, but man, the fucking trend, the ted lassification
• 1:18:12
  of other of of TV show has gone the other way. Man, I
• 1:18:16
  would vastly prefer the middle, where like these characters I like are kind of
• 1:18:23
  in a hellish of their own because they live in the middle of fucking nowhere.
• 1:18:27
  It's a lot like Malcolm in the Middle, which it was. It
• 1:18:32
  was very it's very clearly influenced, heavily, so to the point I would
• 1:18:41
  say, is you know, ripping off. But it's also a little bit
• 1:18:43
  weird to say it's a rip off because it came like ten years later.
• 1:18:46
  Anyway. Um, the point is I would rather have that than just like
• 1:18:55
  we love these precious babies so much that nothing bad can ever happen to them.
• 1:18:58
  Everybody has to get married and often be happy by the end this show,
• 1:19:01
  all right, I think and think we've made We've made our point.
• 1:19:03
  Um, so this is what did get green light? Dan? Would you
• 1:19:09
  fucking green light this thing? No? Fuck, it's subsolutely not, would
• 1:19:14
  you? Well, Okay, so apparently they actually kept the Golden Girls connection.
• 1:19:19
  Sophia was a cast member for a little bit. Yeah, Sophia shows
• 1:19:24
  up. That's because there was another Golden Girl spin off, the Golden Tower
• 1:19:28
  or something, the Golden Palace. The Golden Palace with Don Chet. Yes,
• 1:19:32
  So Golden Girls ends basically with Dorothy escaping the premise of Golden Girls,
• 1:19:42
  where Blanche, I'm gonna spoil the ending a Golden Girls. Fuck you,
• 1:19:45
  it's been on the it's been off the air forever. M Blanches, everyone
• 1:19:48
  involved his dead, you can you can spoil the show. Blanche is trying
• 1:19:53
  to bang her uncle, who is played by um Leslie Nielsen n Zadric.
• 1:20:00
  Blanche is trying to fuck her dad's brother, and instead of that happening Dorothy,
• 1:20:06
  Dorothy gets married to him, basically says well, I have to leave,
• 1:20:12
  gets the fuck out, and all the remaining Golden Girls decide to open
• 1:20:16
  a hotel together with Don Chiel, which, from what I understand, sucks
• 1:20:23
  shit and wasn't very good because b Arthur was kind of holding that whole premise
• 1:20:29
  together. So yeah, they spun off Sophia and put her in Empty Nests.
• 1:20:35
  So Golden Golden Tower, Golden Palace shuts down, shuts down, and
• 1:20:42
  then they keep Sophia around and put her into Empty Nest, which I guess
• 1:20:46
  makes I guess that makes more of a make it more of us spinoff,
• 1:20:50
  And then Empty Nest had another spinoff called Nurses Yeah, featuring some of the
• 1:20:57
  characters from the Doctor's Office part of Empty Nest. These are all parts of
• 1:21:01
  the Golden Girls cinematic universe. Yes, that spanned two decades. Fucking nuts.
• 1:21:10
  You could just do shit like this. Back then, it's you could
• 1:21:14
  try ask. We've talked often about how kick ass it was to be an
• 1:21:18
  Andy Griffith room writer, but that shit kept going up until Seinfeld, basically
• 1:21:25
  where you started having to work your ass off. Like now, to be
• 1:21:28
  a TV writer you have to like bust your ass on Twitter and like be
• 1:21:33
  funny there for a prolonged period of time, and then you'll like get a
• 1:21:38
  story by credit on like some fucking Netflix show and you like bounce from that
• 1:21:45
  to like a like Spec Trip to scrap Spec strip until you like write half
• 1:21:48
  an episode if it's always sunny in Philadelphia. And back then you could just
• 1:21:53
  be like, yeah, I'll just what's what's on? What's on this week?
• 1:21:58
  Charles in charge? You need somebody writing episode? Sure, Bing Bang
• 1:22:00
  boom knocked it out in an evening, go back to doing cocaine. It's
• 1:22:05
  all pretty good. Like this ship ruled, there was just infinite TV money,
• 1:22:13
  Like you could basically be like I'm gonna get in a car, I'm
• 1:22:15
  gonna drive to La I'm going to loudly announce that I want to write for
• 1:22:19
  television, and somebody will be like, I like your moxie. Get in
• 1:22:24
  this building. You're now the head writer on Charles in Charge. Oh man,
• 1:22:30
  that's how I became an executive producer on Wings. Yeah, just cheer,
• 1:22:35
  just a little bit of gumption. Did Did you like it when Andy
• 1:22:40
  Coffin said my name Lacca. I told him to do that. I watch
• 1:22:45
  some a Taxi. It sucks. Taxi sucks shit. Taxi feels like.
• 1:22:50
  Taxi's a show that feels like should be good and it's not. It's really
• 1:22:57
  the vibes on it are great, but the actual writing is so terrible because
• 1:23:01
  all the characters are completely like one note like, Hey, I'm Tony Danza.
• 1:23:06
  I'm a failed boxer. All my jokes are about how I lost a
• 1:23:11
  fight, Like, oh, I'm Laka, I'm weird and don't speak English.
• 1:23:15
  Uh, Danny Divino, I'm shortened mean, Like it's just you.
• 1:23:19
  You could do that, like, honestly, you you could get seven seasons
• 1:23:27
  out of just like here's a guy who has a big nose. There you
• 1:23:31
  go, boom Big Jim Fridays on Saturday Fridays on CBS. Yeah. Basically,
• 1:23:39
  meanwhile, you're like, oh, uh, here's my story about a
• 1:23:44
  girl trying to make it in the big city. Needs to explore the darkness
• 1:23:46
  of the human experience under modern day capitalism and how social media is crushing the
• 1:23:53
  human soul. Does she have trauma? Where's her trauma? She unpacked her
• 1:23:57
  trauma? Where's the trauma? What don't you tell? I guess about trauma?
• 1:24:03
  Wait, it's so worse. Maybe it's so exhausting day these days everything
• 1:24:09
  is tiring. Speaking of being tired, I'm tired of talking about this.
• 1:24:12
  This is gonna be a fun one to edit. Uh. Patreon dot com
• 1:24:15
  slash breaking Mayberry as always, you can get us on the internet. Uh
• 1:24:19
  we are maybe on Twitter. I have no idea at this point at break
• 1:24:25
  Mayberry until Elon shuts the whole thing down because we made fun of him.
• 1:24:30
  Uh and Patreon dot com slash breaking Mayberry tune into our Facebook group. I
• 1:24:35
  guess maybe we'll all go back there. At some point, was Breaking Mayberry
• 1:24:40
  fans email us. We haven't gotten a nice email in a while. Breaking
• 1:24:44
  Mayberry at gmail dot com support us with him. I've already said plug the
• 1:24:47
  Patreon. Uh. Thanks for everybody for listening to review us online, because
• 1:24:51
  an Andy Griffith fan just fucking roasted the shit out of us for not for
• 1:24:57
  not understanding the premise of the sh show. So we need to get that
• 1:25:01
  rating back up. Guys, we gotta lit the fuck up. Yeah,
• 1:25:05
  please please go ahead and leave us a rating and review on the podcast catcher
• 1:25:10
  of your choice, but preferably Apple podcasts. Uh. And that's it.
• 1:25:14
  I'm Marty Schneider's is Dan Ludwig. Do not let the back door hit you
• 1:25:17
  on the way out on this guys, love this prompt. You know this
• 1:25:46
  so bad one of my crush the jest spooking w be the little baby and
• 1:25:55
  lock your back up. I'm coming through that waiting nights and love you for
• 1:26:00
  showing on your bedstaring my bathroom moom. You tell me crazy God, I
• 1:26:08
  love you, Sue. I'm your back door lover from behind lover. Excuse
• 1:26:16
  me not have to even show you loved more than bla