Latest / The Christian Reeve Podcast / Poppy Lister (Part 2 - Poppy Discusses Her Health Conditions) | The Christian Reeve Podcast | #105 |

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Poppy Lister (Part 2 - Poppy Discusses Her Health Conditions) | The Christian Reeve Podcast | #105 | · The Christian Reeve Podcast

0:00
Hello and welcome to another episode of the Christian Reef
0:03
podcast. This is the second part in a
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three-part series of interviews with poppy Lister.
0:09
Thank you very much for listening and enjoy the episode.
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When I was doing my research on you, I found and also what I
0:18
just want to say as well. Thank you so much for sending
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all this information in, by the way, I wouldn't have obviously
0:23
found all of this without your help, so I sincerely appreciate
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it. I do my best whenever I'm doing
0:28
my research to make sure Sure, I'm thorough but I am only ever
0:31
going on what I can find about that person online and then
0:34
obviously trying to figure out interesting questions based on
0:38
that. And of course also ad-libbing
0:40
when we're actually having the discussion but yeah you know
0:45
it's part of the process. But yeah, so you have quite a
0:48
lot of health conditions that you're dealing with and it just
0:52
it kind of stuns me. Today is the real during it's
0:58
amazing. Okay, let me let me just frame
1:00
this properly. It's amazing because you're
1:03
dealing with all these different things and persevering, and
1:06
still, you know, pushing and doing the things that you love
1:10
as far as I music and writing, and everything and at the same
1:14
time, it's like ju poor. So, like having to deal with all
1:17
these different things, do not know me and they're gonna be
1:19
wrong like everyone in life. Has things to contend with
1:22
things that they're having to deal with and such.
1:25
But But health conditions always at that little bit more
1:28
difficult. But I mean because it's it's
1:30
something that physically and mentally takes a lot out of you
1:35
and it's normally constant or a thing that even if you do
1:40
overcome it, you often always have to, you know, do things to
1:45
keep in line with it. You know what I mean, to keep up
1:48
to date with it. But for example, you have
1:51
tourettes Tourette syndrome and As far as I understand, with
1:57
Tourette's now, it varies for different people.
1:59
It's kind of, if I understand this correctly, it's a little
2:01
bit like a spectrum in the sense that like, you know, you've got
2:04
people that have got like really severe Tourette's where they
2:07
almost can't control it at all and they do their very best.
2:11
But it's almost unmanageable to people that just have light
2:15
ticks and things and then obviously everything in the
2:17
middle and I'm not going to protest profess to be an expert
2:22
on this. I'm just saying what I know
2:23
about about this syndrome. It is possible to secure it, but
2:31
to the say manage it in which you are able to live a normal
2:37
life but not that many people are necessarily able to do so.
2:42
So it's one of those things but you know no one cares what I
2:46
have to say because you're the person who actually Has Tourette
2:49
Syndrome. So what can you tell us about
2:52
your experience of Tourette syndrome?
2:55
So as you say, it's something that's very different for
2:59
everyone that has it. And, you know, there are
3:01
different types of these, you know, ticks that people do have
3:05
and I first kind of became aware that I had ticks when I was
3:10
about, maybe five years old. And I had these, you know,
3:14
involuntary head movement and I didn't think anything of the
3:17
time but then my parents, they didn't assume anything.
3:21
They were just like, oh, that's just one of poppies, little
3:24
quirks or what? So that kind of continued for a
3:29
long time and you know I got more sort of ticks as well.
3:33
So I had like this blinking tick which I still have all the time
3:37
at the moment and that's one that I just can't control and I
3:39
just have these like and it's not that noticeable but it's
3:42
these like links that are either like really aggressive or they
3:45
just last a really long time. So, it's kind of it's been
3:52
something I've had for a long long period of time.
3:56
And then, you know, as I kind of went through like my teenage
3:59
years, it got worse and I had more different types of things.
4:04
So things became verbal. And I had these like clicking
4:07
ticks and it was before it wasn't really like it was just
4:11
the odd word. And then all of a sudden I was
4:14
having these like short phrases and it was all just kind of It
4:19
was almost nothing and then it just kept building and building
4:22
until it was quite a lot all the time.
4:25
Luckily, it's not all the time anymore, but I do get the most
4:29
days and some of them are really weird and completely unrelated
4:33
to anything that's going on. And other ones, I could be
4:37
watching something or hear something.
4:38
And I'll just like, repeat, whatever I've heard or seen.
4:44
And, you know, I've kind of got quite good at suppressing them.
4:49
In a sense, but if I suppress them then they it kind of hurts
4:54
and then they come out a lot later on afterwards.
4:58
So there's not really much point in, you know, trying to suppress
5:03
them or hold them in because it's going to come out anyway.
5:06
It's like trying to hold in a sneeze, you know, if you really
5:09
really try you can kind of do it but then like it just it comes
5:14
out anyway. You know, when you feel it,
5:16
beginning to come, Up inside uses, so to speak.
5:22
Is it like I guess I'm almost kind of repeating what you're
5:28
saying but the one thing I've always kind of wondered about is
5:31
like is it like a severe compulsion to do so like I need
5:37
to do this I need to get this out of me or is it just it just
5:39
kind of like come out or that you can feel it but you're
5:42
trying to like stop it if that makes sense.
5:44
Did you know what to what? Yeah, it's difficult because you
5:49
don't know what's going to happen.
5:51
Like you can feel with tech like coming on but you you have no
5:55
idea what you're going to say. Day.
5:57
And I had this recently, so I went to a restaurant and I've
6:02
been a bit tricky that day, you know, but I didn't think much of
6:05
it and, you know, for the last hour I've been fine and then
6:08
this waiter comes over and he brings over I drinks and then he
6:11
takes our order and everything's going well and he picks up the
6:15
menu and I'm like, I can feel it.
6:18
And then I just get like both my hands things going to go pew
6:21
pew. And I've like, I couldn't
6:24
believe it. I was like, oh no.
6:26
No. What's up towards him?
6:27
But that he turns around very confused and just does it back
6:34
and then what's awesome, is what a legend?
6:41
So it's stuff like that, it happens a lot.
6:46
Yeah, it's a strange one because, you know, I'd always
6:50
had these involuntary movements, and I've never thought much of
6:52
it. You know, it never really been
6:53
that much looked into until it became verbal.
6:56
And by that point, it was just like, it was just pick it up.
7:00
There was all sorts that was, you know, starting to have them.
7:04
But it's one of those things that you never fully get used to
7:08
it and you're never gonna be comfortable with it because you
7:11
don't know what you're going to say or do and that brings a lot
7:14
of like anxiety when you're going out.
7:16
Because, you know, you could offend someone or you could do
7:20
something, you know, just wrong at the wrong time.
7:24
It could be little things but our people generally accepting
7:28
me obviously it's a real Condition.
7:31
It's there's been entire documentaries made about it like
7:33
Shirley well what's the general kind of, mmm?
7:39
Reception that you receive when you say because a presumably it
7:43
happens, someone gets upset and you say I'm sorry, I have
7:46
Tourette syndrome and then what do they do?
7:50
They question you do believe. You are, what's the general
7:52
reception? You receive in regards that this
7:55
I think that in the last particularly in the last year or
7:58
two you know, people way more accepting and understanding of
8:03
what it is whereas like even just a couple years ago like it
8:07
wasn't you know, something that you saw her.
8:09
Often and, you know, with the with the rise of social media
8:14
and everything like people talking about these kind of
8:17
things and you know it shows I mean there are some big creators
8:22
on Tick Tock that have tourettes and they show what they're
8:24
directed and things and you know, that that created so much
8:30
more awareness for it and people understand what it is and that
8:34
is not controllable. with regards to those people online
8:39
because and this is not just true of Tourette's but there are
8:43
a lot of people out there that have the same mental health
8:46
conditions, conditions, and people that have tourettes that
8:51
I don't miss a fake it per se but they play up to its
8:54
obviously if you're recording a video, you want to show people
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how it is like and you're gonna, I'm sure many of them out there
9:05
are genuine and they just captured that maybe they just
9:07
leave their phone recording and they capture something as it
9:10
happens. And then there are people that
9:12
maybe create that even though it's not real.
9:16
Like what do you kind of make of?
9:19
I don't say that the E per se, but like people these creators
9:22
that are documenting, this that will all show General opinion on
9:26
that. I think that, you know,
9:29
obviously I'm never going to accuse anyone of pretending to
9:33
have direct because, you know, it's different in every one,
9:36
some people, it is very, you know, over the top and
9:40
pronounced and you can't say, well you don't have it because
9:44
you know, you know, one's a, you know expert, they can't tell.
9:48
I should add to this as well. I didn't mean.
9:50
They don't have tourettes. What I'm saying is that the are
9:54
playing up to the camera. So like some of them in the
9:57
community, Maybe ah, the trying to kind of create a situation
10:07
that will be good for a video. Mhm, you know, yeah, I mean I
10:15
think that it's it's not right that people do that and they
10:20
obviously like you know, playing up for you know the follows in
10:23
the views and stuff but anything that they do and they put out
10:27
there is just raising awareness for it.
10:30
So you know there's there's good points and bad points to it,
10:33
like there, Anything and you know, even though some people
10:38
might be playing up to it, it's actually made things easier for
10:41
me and explaining what Tourette's is for me because
10:45
people will understand because they've seen it or a version of
10:48
it. So would you say then that those
10:50
videos and those creators, overall present give a positive
10:56
representation of turrets, Tourette, Syndrome or Nick and
10:59
negative 1? I don't think that they're
11:02
always positive but I think that it kind of shows people that
11:07
actually it is okay to laugh along with it because that's how
11:10
I feel comfortable with. You know, if everyone goes
11:13
silent and awkward when I like text something then I feel
11:18
really silent and awkward but if everyone lost along with it then
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you know I can laugh as well and I feel better about it.
11:26
So I think that, you know, even though some of it is played up
11:30
to the cameras and it is Like really, really funny or whatever
11:33
and they're amusing videos, actually.
11:35
It kind of shows people that it's okay to laugh about it.
11:39
You don't have to feel awkward and you don't have to go side
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and every time something happens.
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That's a really awesome take on that.
11:47
Yeah, fair enough. Awesome.
11:51
One final question for that particular condition.
11:55
What advice? Could you give to other people
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that are suffering from Tourette's?
12:00
Syndrome, may be people that have just been diagnosed with it
12:03
and a struggling, a little bit of what advice could you give
12:05
him your personal experiences honestly?
12:10
Just stop worrying. What everyone thinks it's not
12:12
something you can help and that person that's like walking past
12:16
in the street and giving you a funny look, you're never going
12:18
to see him again. You know, it's just about
12:21
knowing, you know, what you're going through and understanding
12:25
that, you know, People, they might not understand but you
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can't help it and it's part of you it's what happens to you.
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You can't do anything to stop it.
12:36
So you just have to learn to accept it and stop caring about
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what everyone thinks just good overall life advice to be
12:44
honest. You suffer from now.
12:48
Okay, I should add as well. I deliberately didn't look into
12:51
these too much because I wanted to just kind of Have you tell it
12:57
in your own words? I did think about it.
12:59
I did wonder where your, whether or not I should do more research
13:01
into it. So you know, if I do make a
13:05
mistake here or you know, I don't ask questions of people
13:08
would have liked to have known. I'm sorry, we can always have
13:11
poppy back on the show and you can go in more detail.
13:14
But for now, I just wanted to kind of give you a platform to
13:18
at least just get you tell it in your words, basically, so you
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suffer from fibromyalgia. Myalgia.
13:30
Yeah, fibromyalgia. Yeah, that's right.
13:34
Fibromyalgia. Okay.
13:37
What can you tell us about this condition and your experience of
13:39
it? So it's a neurological condition
13:44
and it causes pain in your joints, but absolutely no
13:48
reason. And you know, mine is probably
13:52
not as bad as a lot of people have it.
13:54
I know some people, they really, really struggle with it, you
13:57
know. There are days where you know
14:00
you can't every time you move. It feels like something's like
14:04
stabbing into your joints is really painful but obviously
14:09
there's not a lot you can do about it because it's a
14:10
neurological pain condition. So a lot of the time you just
14:14
have to learn to live with it and it was difficult for me
14:17
because I was quite Young when I got diagnosed with it and that
14:21
was because I was going to the doctor's constantly because I
14:24
was like something is not right, I am in a lot of pain, like
14:27
we're even pain. They're everywhere.
14:29
They're like, well, that's just anxiety pain.
14:31
You're fine. What?
14:34
Yeah, because I suffer from anxiety, but I've never had
14:39
pain. Physical pain from anxiety.
14:41
Is that a legit thing? People get physical pain from
14:44
anxiety. I mean, I guess so because my
14:47
doctors constantly put it down to, you know, well at the start,
14:51
they put it down to Growing Pains, I think it was and taken
14:54
up by this point, you know, I stopped I'm told it from the age
14:59
of like 12, I just like, it should have been growing
15:03
Growing. Pains is something that you get
15:04
light in your early, teens when you sort of make that transition
15:08
from being a kid to being, you know, a young teenager that is
15:14
that doesn't apply when you get old like what that's nonsense.
15:17
And and then they said that it was pain caused by anxiety and I
15:23
was just there, thinking like, well I've had anxiety for a long
15:28
time. And I've never had these pains
15:30
like this before. You know, this is something that
15:32
is gradually got worse. So then, eventually they kind of
15:38
like they sent me through to like all these different tests
15:40
and stuff and no one can find anything because there is no
15:44
physical test for it. You can test for Bobby manager.
15:49
So then I went to Rheumatology and they were like yeah, that
15:54
sounds like we're of murder. I don't know why they didn't
15:56
send you to us before, because it's literally like textbook is
16:00
exactly how we've got it written down.
16:02
So, It was, it was a bit of a nightmare really getting that
16:06
diagnosis. And, you know, there's there's
16:11
not a lot that you can do to stop the pain, but there are
16:13
like certain meds that you can take that kind of helped a
16:17
little bit, but for the most part, it's just getting up and
16:21
dealing with it, unfortunately. So, that's basically how you
16:25
just learn to deal with that. You just learn to just take
16:27
these meds and do your best to work around the pain.
16:32
Yeah, and it's a case of not overdoing it.
16:35
Sometimes, you know, if, if I know I'm going to be in pain
16:42
after doing something, then I'm like, don't plan anything
16:46
afterwards because otherwise, you're just gonna be like,
16:49
pushing yourself through it and then you'll feel really bad
16:52
afterwards. Actually, this is a good
16:55
question related to everything that you do like, so that when
16:59
you're playing guitar, do you get pain?
17:01
Then like yeah, but I get really bad pain in my, especially my
17:08
fingers really bad and sometimes it's just it is too much but
17:15
other times, I just think I can power through this because it's,
17:19
it's something that I enjoy doing and even though, you know,
17:22
it's hurt, my fingers is something that I like to do and
17:25
makes me feel good. So it's kind of finding the
17:29
balance between, like, you know, Overdoing it and you know
17:33
because I don't want to give up at all.
17:35
I don't want, you know, to stop playing that's the last thing
17:38
that I want. So it's finding the right
17:40
balance between it. I gotta say, I really admire my
17:46
I mean it's just it's amazing to be able to do that.
17:51
Despite being in pain that shows real kind of strength of
17:56
character. I think to keep pushing yourself
17:58
and just a final couple of questions It's this specific
18:02
condition. So how I mean, How does it
18:10
affect the condition if you're doing things?
18:12
Like, I don't know. Like, I you you able to consume,
18:14
it's a like alcohol. And if you do, does that make a
18:17
difference to things? Does it?
18:18
Maybe alleviate the pain someone or make it worse?
18:22
Or is it a no-go for you? I don't think it really has that
18:26
much of an effect. I don't drink very much.
18:29
I'm one that regularly drinks very much at all.
18:33
And I've never been that kind of, you know, into that kind of
18:37
thing. I don't know.
18:38
It's just one of those things, but I don't find it, it makes it
18:42
worse. It's all.
18:45
I don't think it makes it better.
18:46
I think that if I have a drink, I may not care as much, but
18:49
that's more the alcohols doing than the actual condition
18:51
itself. Oh, yeah.
18:53
I think, I mean, Not a big drinker either to be honest.
18:56
I think that's just different types of people and you know,
18:59
it's like I did a lot of drinking when I was younger.
19:02
You grow out of it, you find other things that you enjoy far
19:04
more. But I guess what?
19:07
I really wanted to know and I gave you alcohol is an example
19:10
is like are there any other like recreational drugs per say
19:13
things that you can consume things that you can do that
19:16
affect? How you feel?
19:19
Good or bad? Like, for instance, you kind of
19:21
pretty much almost ruled out physical activities, when you
19:24
said that. It kind of you have to plan
19:27
around it like okay this is probably how much pain I'm
19:29
likely to be in in this scenario.
19:30
So like let's say like you wanted to do that.
19:32
I don't know yoga or you wanted to go for a hike or something
19:36
like that. Is that just a no-go?
19:39
You just can't do it. Or is it like as you said you
19:42
have then I create a dedicated plan and again just attached to
19:47
that question. If you did want to Yeah, let's
19:52
say you're having a headache or something and you want to just
19:55
take that paracetamol. Does that make a difference with
19:57
your fibro fibro myalgia or not? So the first thing is that
20:04
exercise actually does help like it helps pain.
20:07
The thing is, if you overdo it, then you will be in more pain.
20:11
So you have to find this right? Level of like and you have to
20:15
take breaks as well, you know, as much as you might want to
20:19
just like power through and get everything done.
20:21
Like, you have to give yourself that time to kind of, like, just
20:25
breathe calm down. Realized what kind of situation
20:28
you're in and not push it too far.
20:33
But it is difficult because, you know, one of the recommended
20:37
things. 45 Roger is exercise and I found it to be great.
20:41
It does help but obviously if you're in a lot of pain, you
20:45
might not want to do that. So you have to kind of you have
20:49
to pick your battles sometimes and like said so when it comes
20:55
to taking paracetamol, if I've got a headache, I find that it
20:59
doesn't actually affect my fibromyalgia at all.
21:01
All and I don't know if that's the same for everyone else but
21:07
it's it doesn't make that much difference to me.
21:10
I heresy tomorrow we broke then it doesn't it doesn't do
21:14
anything for me. Do you have any advice you could
21:19
give to anyone else to suffering from fibromyalgia?
21:26
It's hard. It's going to be difficult and
21:28
you're going to have days where you don't want to do anything.
21:31
Aang, and you're in a lot of pain but, you know, some days
21:35
are better than others. And if it's a bad day, give
21:38
yourself that time that you need to recuperate advice, thank you
21:43
for sharing. So, you suffer from a condition
21:48
called emotional dysregulation. What can you tell us about this
21:53
condition? So emotional dysregulation.
21:58
It's kind of more of an umbrella term for this its massive mood
22:04
swings then this is connected to other conditions that I do have
22:08
and it can be some days you know, up here.
22:12
Things of great things are wonderful and you know I'm kind
22:15
of I've had I'm hyperactive. I've got all this energy, I feel
22:19
amazing and then other days, it will just completely crash.
22:23
And, you know, I wouldn't want to move.
22:26
I won't want to get out of bed, I won't want to talk to anyone,
22:29
do anything, and it's quite difficult because both, like
22:34
size of this can be really distracting.
22:37
So you might think that, oh, you're having a great day.
22:40
You feel really like high in great, that must be, you know,
22:45
that must be amazing. And it's not, it's tiring and
22:48
it's not who you are, because You know, there's no kind of
22:53
level point, you know, it's either up here or down here and
22:57
both are so exhausting emotionally and physically. so,
23:06
when you're having one of those bad days, And let's say you've I
23:11
mean because this is a weird way to put it B is obviously a very
23:15
inconvenient health condition to have if as far as like when you
23:18
need to just get stuff done. You know, I it's band practice
23:21
today but I don't want to leave bed and I'm feeling miserable.
23:25
Like how do you work around that?
23:27
Is there a workaround? You just have to write that day
23:29
off. Like how do you deal with it on
23:31
those bad days? So it's difficult because
23:35
sometimes I can think logically and I'm like, absolutely I
23:39
should go. Because then I'll be distracting
23:41
myself from these things that are making you feel down and you
23:45
know that would make sense, right?
23:48
And then other times I'm completely like not thinking
23:52
logically at all and I'm like well I feel bad.
23:55
So I'm going to sit in bed and I'm going to wallow in self-pity
23:58
and I'm going to make myself feel worse and that's how I say
24:03
I cope with it, but it's not a coping mechanism, it's just
24:06
making it worse. So I think that It really
24:11
depends on your mindset because sometimes you can be having a
24:13
really bad day, but be positive about anything, it's just one of
24:16
those days and other times, it's all you can.
24:19
Think about all you can think about is the bad stuff, so it's
24:24
difficult. It really depends on the day.
24:27
So what do you do when you get into a situation where, you
24:31
know, you know, it's going to be not emotions flying all the
24:35
place. Let's say you're with your
24:37
partner or something and you just have an argument Like is
24:41
that just an argument and you're able to manage that?
24:44
Or is it like much more devastating because of this
24:46
condition? Like how does that play into
24:48
things? A lot of the time.
24:52
So when I, when I'm thinking logically and I get really upset
24:56
or angry, I will take myself away from the situation down and
25:01
come back to it later because that's how things worked out.
25:04
Otherwise you just end up in a big screaming match or whatever
25:10
and then when I'm feeling really down or really angry, anyways, I
25:14
will Be angry and allow myself to be that angry all the time,
25:20
which sometimes you need to let it out.
25:22
You know, you need to let these motions out.
25:24
But other times, you don't realize you're doing more harm
25:27
than good, you know, when you're angry, you say things and do
25:31
things that you wouldn't normally do. and, It's you can
25:37
hurt. You can hurt someone's feelings,
25:40
and that's the last thing I'd want to do in my logical state.
25:45
But if I'm not feeling that then I'm just like, well, I'm angry.
25:48
So I want you to be angry as well, you know.
25:53
Now, I get, I get where you're coming from, Jenny advice, you
25:58
could give to people who are suffering from emotional
26:01
dysregulation. I think that it's difficult to
26:05
give general advice because it is so different for everyone,
26:09
but if you are really struggling with it, don't be afraid to
26:13
reach out and get help from either friends or family or a
26:16
health professional because sometimes you can't deal with it
26:20
on your own. Even if you think you can, Thank
26:24
you, let's move it. Forward actually.
26:27
Before we go into the rest of the other, to health main kind
26:30
of conditions that you deal with, I just had a side
26:32
question. So obviously you have health
26:36
conditions, you have mental health conditions, which we'll
26:41
get into later but I just wondered from the kind of I
26:47
asked you a little bit about people's perceptions and how
26:50
people act when, you know, for instance with your Tourette's
26:53
but like when it comes to institutions like getting a job,
26:57
something like that, what's the kind of General treatment that
27:01
you receive? Is it positive, is it - and and
27:04
why like, what is your experience of like generally,
27:07
how companies are because especially in this day and age,
27:10
they often profess to be you know, equal opportunities, you
27:14
know, we don't discriminate if you have mental health
27:16
conditions, Bubba, But there are many cynics myself, included
27:19
that look at that and go, if you declare something like that,
27:23
they'll use it against you potentially.
27:25
So what is your actual experience of that?
27:27
Can you clarify on that anymore? I have had very mixed
27:31
experience. I have worked for companies that
27:35
have been nothing but supportive and amazing.
27:39
And I've also, I had a job working in a bar and that was
27:43
already I stress and I was not in the best state of mind when
27:46
that was happening. Inning.
27:48
And I had a couple days where I couldn't go in because it is
27:53
such a social job. Yeah.
27:55
And if you're feeling really like you know in a certain way
28:00
it's going to be so difficult to do your job right?
28:02
And to you know work with customers especially and this
28:08
job I've been in for a little while and I'd had one sick day
28:11
before because I had heat stroke.
28:14
Oh wow. And so this was God.
28:17
Couple months later and I was like, I can't go in today
28:19
because it's just not going to work out for me today.
28:22
I know it's not and I called up and then I like this is becoming
28:28
quite the habit and I was like, excuse me, and they really
28:31
played on my mental health there, like you never come into
28:34
work ready for work. You need to leave all that stuff
28:37
at the door when you come in and I was so they know that you have
28:41
mental health conditions and they're saying this to ya, Yeah.
28:47
And they also knew that I'd another condition which is,
28:50
which causes me to occasionally pass out and I have always had
28:55
to tell them on days where I had passed out or felt like I might
28:59
do because, you know, safety reasons, they need to make sure
29:02
that I do passed out, that they know what it is, and that I'm
29:05
not, you know, in danger and a thing.
29:08
And I think I told them, I felt like that maybe three or four
29:11
times and they're like, and you always come to us and say,
29:14
Things wrong and they kind of they started to really they got
29:20
very personal and you know, these these are things that they
29:23
told me to do, they told me to tell them these things and then
29:27
all of a sudden they were using it against me.
29:31
Then they're like, we're going to reduce your hours and if you
29:34
want to find work, somewhere else will write you a reference
29:38
which point I was like, all right, write me a reference.
29:41
I'm going up. I'm not having this.
29:43
I'm not being too. Talk to you like this.
29:45
Just because I've called in sick once.
29:48
And yeah, it was just not good in a way.
29:53
I'm kind of surprised that you didn't think of taking legal
29:56
action. I mean, that's, that's unheard
29:59
of. I mean, I mean, thinking back, I
30:05
probably should have because they still owe me money.
30:07
Then they did pay me for my last two weeks and they blocked me on
30:12
everything. And all of this was done over
30:16
Facebook Messenger as well. So, my manager blocked, me,
30:24
deleted being removed me from all the group chats.
30:29
And that was that really? And no, I just how old were you
30:33
at the time? I was 18.
30:38
Believable. Well, I mean clearly it just
30:42
wasn't a decent place to work but I mean I kind of knew when I
30:48
ask that question that you were going to give an example of that
30:50
because that is the reality, you know, Miss it's the same as like
30:54
if you're working for a major company and you express or hey
30:58
I'm suffering from mental health conditions but they will use
31:01
against you as soon as you fall in there.
31:03
Bad books. They'll find a way.
31:04
Obviously, they can't fire you on the basis of Mental Health.
31:07
Conditions. And for instance, your employer,
31:10
I mean, they still acted in a very dodgy way legally in an
31:15
amine with that. I mean, that's obviously still
31:17
unacceptable, but they didn't kind of come out, right?
31:21
And say the problem is because of your condition, generally me,
31:26
because if they had, you got it in writing, you got them.
31:28
They've tried to kind of swing it in a way where it's like,
31:32
they're the victim almost, which is, I mean morally is just I'm
31:37
just obviously, it's disgusting but from a business standpoint
31:41
it you just have no legs to stand on because it's like, And
31:46
presumably what ya know when you applied for the job, you had to
31:49
declare all of this stuff. Anyway, till it means if they
31:52
weren't happy with it, they could have just not given you a
31:55
job, which is BS. But hey, you know what I mean?
31:59
That's that's why we have that declare thing in the first
32:01
place, you know? I mean, it's the kind of say, if
32:03
you're taking me on, you're taking me on under the
32:06
understanding that there might be issues sometimes and you need
32:11
to be considerate of and and help you with this.
32:14
You know, so if they're not able to do that, then they should
32:17
employ people with mental health conditions, which is awful.
32:21
And I think that no company should act that way but so many
32:24
of them have that kind of mindset and it's disgusting.
32:28
It's it really is. But anyway, moving on.
32:35
So you were born with a small growth on your brain, which is
32:39
caused a condition known as focal cortical dysplasia.
32:43
I got that right. Yeah.
32:45
Vocal cortical dysplasia. So it is its wearer.
32:51
So cell, like a group of cells have an fused properly and it's
32:57
just like a little little lump on the brain, completely benign
33:01
and everything, but is due to the placement that has Me, the
33:06
problems that it has. Okay.
33:09
And what kind of problems have you suffered?
33:11
As a result of that? I will.
33:13
What exactly is the issue with this particular condition?
33:17
So where it's places on my frontal lobe and it's the place
33:22
that has, you know your emotions.
33:26
Basically, you know, and that is all there and it it kind of gets
33:32
a bit jumbled sometimes and it was all a bit strange because I
33:40
initially went to the doctors because I have been experiencing
33:43
some hallucinations And as a result of this particular
33:49
condition. Yeah.
33:50
But I didn't know, I had this condition so I was, I had no
33:54
idea happening and they did an MRI as they do for anyone.
34:01
That's having hallucinations just to be sure.
34:04
And that was when they were like, there is something there
34:07
and that was what was causing it.
34:11
Luckily, like I'm medicated now with stuff that stops these
34:16
These hallucinations from happening.
34:18
So I'm quite thankful for that but the emotional thing is still
34:22
very much there and medication. Do you take for that?
34:27
So I take antipsychotics for it, which is maybe use the like,
34:34
mental health medication and mood-stabilizing, but it's one
34:40
that has actually helped with these hallucinations.
34:43
Which, you know, has been working for a long time now.
34:47
Excellent. Excellent.
34:49
And I mean, I know I've asked it ask you this question with the
34:52
other ones. I'm not so sure if it will
34:54
apply. But is there any Advice you
34:56
could give to other people that are suffering with this or have
34:59
just discovered it. Is there anything else maybe
35:01
that you do that helps with this?
35:03
Or is it just take the drugs and then hope for the best?
35:07
It's not as scary as it sounds. You know.
35:09
The minute that you hear oh you've got a growth on your
35:12
brain. You're like what?
35:14
Excuse me. It's not as bad as it sounds,
35:17
it's likely something you are born with or develop when you're
35:19
younger and there are ways to manage the different things that
35:23
it causes and definitely go. Senior ologist just in case
35:28
because it can cause epilepsy as well.
35:30
And, you know, you just need to be aware of these things and
35:33
make sure that you're getting the help and support that you
35:37
need. Thank you.
35:40
So you also suffer from BPD. Also known as E BP D which
35:49
stands for borderline personality disorder or emerging
35:53
Borderline Personality Disorder. So what can you tell us about
35:57
this particular condition and your experiences of it?
36:02
I think that it's very much tied into the emotional
36:06
dysregulation. So, I have these moods that are
36:12
either very up here or very down here, and in between, there's
36:16
not a lot. And, you know, I've had this
36:19
condition for quite a long time and I think that, although I
36:24
don't think everything needs a diagnosis on it for it to be
36:27
real. I think that it helped me a lot
36:29
with understanding. You know, the problems I've had
36:32
with my relationships with people had always been very
36:35
difficult, you know, friends, family, like like relationships
36:40
are all very difficult to maintain and I kind of got
36:44
myself into this stage of self sabotaging everything.
36:50
And, you know, I ask myself, why did I do that quite a lot?
36:53
And I have no idea. I've got no answer for it, you
36:57
know, it was just something that I did all the time.
37:02
So I think that was something that is very difficult and a lot
37:08
of people suffer from it and it takes a long time to kind of get
37:13
yourself into a place where you can manage it to have, you know,
37:19
a normal day-to-day life and normal relationships with
37:22
people. So I have a rough idea of what
37:26
it is, but could you just explain like, what are the
37:30
symptoms? So what exactly are you sort of
37:32
contending with? So there's lots of different
37:36
symptoms and everyone experiences it completely
37:39
differently. But the the mood swings and
37:43
anger and there is this massive thing for self-sabotaging,
37:48
whether that's sabotaging your relationships with people, or
37:52
whether that's, you know, quitting everything that you try
37:56
or, you know, there's a lot of things and there's also You
38:01
know, self, calm, and lots of people that experience BPD, go
38:05
through suicidal ideation and some attempt it as well.
38:09
And it's really sad, because it's one of these things that it
38:14
just, it just happens. And sometimes, you can't, you
38:17
can't control those thoughts. Those feelings are those
38:20
actions. And a lot of people, you know,
38:23
they don't know what it is, that's causing them.
38:28
So it is a difficult one but it's one that is Kind of coming
38:32
Morton like now and more people talking about it more people are
38:35
aware of it and it's actually a lot more common than people
38:37
think it is. And what do you do to manage it
38:42
and sort of keep it under control?
38:46
So I have had many, many years of different types of therapy is
38:51
trying to figure out what it is that works for me.
38:54
And I've I've gone through like CBT and DBT and these ones,
39:00
especially CBT actually as work for me really well, which is
39:05
kind of changing how you think about things.
39:08
So the easiest way to describe it, as you have something that
39:12
happens and then you change your Look at how your beliefs about
39:17
it, you know, you think, and then the emotions because of
39:21
those thoughts, and it's learning to change those in
39:24
order and then eventually automatically you just start
39:27
thinking with a more kind of positive outlook on these
39:31
things. And that was something that
39:33
helped me a lot. And the CBT, that's a cognitive
39:37
behavioral therapy. So that's the one where I go
39:40
back to my a level psychology days.
39:43
But that's the one, where you sit down with like, a counselor
39:48
and work through these problems. As you said, like you you work
39:51
to try to change your perception of something?
39:54
Change, your understanding of something.
39:56
Is that correct? Yeah, exactly.
39:59
But it's not something that you always need a therapist for
40:02
because after a while you can start to do it from home.
40:06
There's all sorts of different ways you can go about.
40:09
And, you know, it doesn't work for everyone, you know, not,
40:12
everyone is able is able to do that, but they're able to do
40:16
other things that help. So, it's one of those ones that
40:22
you kind of have to test out. A lot of different ways of doing
40:25
things before you find out what works for you, and what was the
40:28
other one you mentioned that you've heard as well.
40:32
So, it's called DBT. Source that I can't remember
40:37
what it stands for. I'm not going to lie to you but
40:40
after a while these words and you know, they just become
40:44
letters. But I did it as a group of
40:48
people and it was, it was quite similar.
40:50
But it's targeted towards people with borderline personality
40:54
disorder and similar disorders. And it's more about changing is
41:02
a, a lot of it is about changing your lifestyle and your way of
41:06
thinking. And it's something that takes a
41:10
long time, like these are quick fixes, these are things, you
41:14
really have to work at. And, you know, it took me a good
41:20
few years before I was able to actually use CBT and my, you
41:24
know, everyday life. So it's one of those things you
41:28
really, really have to stick with excellent.
41:32
Thank you very much for sharing. Appreciate it.
41:35
That's all I questions for the health conditions side of
41:38
things, thank you very much for listening to this second part of
41:42
a three-part interview with poppy Lister.
41:45
And until next time, peace out. One love.
41:47
I'll see you in the next one.