Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #208| Why Perfectionism is Just Fear in Disguise (And How to Move Past It)
Transcript
- 0:01Michelle Gauthier: Perfectionism looks like productivity, but it's really just a polished form of procrastination and fear.
- 0:11Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:18Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:24Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences.
- 0:29Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
- 0:38Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friends.
- 0:39Michelle Gauthier: Today we're going to be talking about perfectionism.
- 0:41Michelle Gauthier: Perfectionism is something that does cause quite a bit of overwhelm and sometimes kind of tricks us into thinking that we have a time management problem when really the root of the problem can be much more than that.
- 0:53Michelle Gauthier: So when you listen today, we're going to talk about what perfectionism really is, how it can keep you stuck, and how to understand what's really beneath your perfectionism, which is the best way to move out of it.
- 1:07Michelle Gauthier: So let's talk about perfectionism in general.
- 1:09Michelle Gauthier: Perfectionism isn't actually about being your best, even though if you're a person who likes to do things perfectly, but instead it's about fearing your worst.
- 1:18Michelle Gauthier: So it's really the fear of getting something wrong or looking like a failure or letting anybody see the cracks or find out that you're actually human or the idea that if you fix just one more thing, then you'll feel ready.
- 1:32Michelle Gauthier: So sometimes perfectionism shows up looking like procrastination, like you don't start on something because it has to be perfect.
- 1:39Michelle Gauthier: So you might think about the idea and do little tweaks but never actually get started.
- 1:44Michelle Gauthier: It can show up as overworking where you spend hours perfecting the smallest detail.
- 1:50Michelle Gauthier: I know I can definitely get into that mode when I'm working on a presentation or a worksheet or something, and I'll mess around with the fonts and where they're located and all that.
- 1:58Michelle Gauthier: It's like this does not matter.
- 2:00Michelle Gauthier: It can show up as buffering, which I would call anything that keeps you busy so you don't have to risk your mind being quiet.
- 2:08Michelle Gauthier: So if I just keep working on this and say this isn't finished, then my mind will be occupied.
- 2:13Michelle Gauthier: It can give you decision fatigue because you're terrified of choosing the wrong thing.
- 2:18Michelle Gauthier: So, whatever way perfection shows up in your life, I think there is one thing in common.
- 2:23Michelle Gauthier: And that's the first thing I want to talk about is that perfectionism is really fear, not just high standards.
- 2:30Michelle Gauthier: So we like to think about perfectionism as something that is about ambition or excellence, but most of the time it's really just fear running the show, fear of not being good enough or being judged or failing publicly.
- 2:42Michelle Gauthier: It's not about high standards, it's really about avoiding discomfort.
- 2:46Michelle Gauthier: So, for example, if you write an email five different times before sending it, you might tell yourself, I just like to make sure that things are said perfectly.
- 2:56Michelle Gauthier: But I think underlying that could be a fear like if I sound unclear, they'll think I'm unprofessional.
- 3:02Michelle Gauthier: If you delay posting things to your website for weeks, you might think if it's not perfect, people won't take me seriously.
- 3:10Michelle Gauthier: Or if you avoid having a hard conversation because you want to just get your words exactly right, you think if I say the wrong thing, they'll be upset and I'll feel terrible.
- 3:20Michelle Gauthier: So even though it shows up as you having very high standards, and I'm not doubting that you have very high standards, it's often fear that drives that.
- 3:28Michelle Gauthier: The other problem with procrastination is that it really keeps you stuck.
- 3:32Michelle Gauthier: It's tricky because it feels like you're doing something.
- 3:35Michelle Gauthier: You're busy, you're like getting things ready and making progress on things, but you're actually avoiding the part where you have to show up or risk rejection and feel vulnerable by turning something in or showing someone something that you're working on.
- 3:50Michelle Gauthier: I just talked to a client today who told me that she is great at spending hours and hours color-coding her planner and making tons of plans to get organized first.
- 4:00Michelle Gauthier: And that way she gets that all perfect, but that helps her not work on the things that are actually on her planner.
- 4:07Michelle Gauthier: Or maybe if you own your own business, you wait to launch a new offer until you've created the perfect sales page.
- 4:13Michelle Gauthier: Or if you have a job where you create a lot of presentations, you can mess around and make that absolutely perfect.
- 4:20Michelle Gauthier: So perfectionism is number one fear.
- 4:23Michelle Gauthier: And number two, it keeps you stuck.
- 4:25Michelle Gauthier: First of all, it's always most important to realize that you're doing it.
- 4:28Michelle Gauthier: But the way out of this is to really get underneath what is that fear that is driving the perfectionism in you.
- 4:37Michelle Gauthier: Next time you feel stuck and notice that you're swirling around in perfectionism and you're not able to get yourself to turn something in or just to finish the task, pause and ask, what am I afraid will happen if I do this now?
- 4:51Michelle Gauthier: If I just turn this in now or give this to someone now.
- 4:55Michelle Gauthier: And most of the time, if you ask yourself that question, you'll uncover something deeper.
- 4:59Michelle Gauthier: Like, I'm afraid if I fail, it will prove that I'm not good enough, which I've always worried about.
- 5:05Michelle Gauthier: Or I'm worried that if someone doesn't like it and they criticize me or give me feedback, that I won't be able to handle it.
- 5:11Michelle Gauthier: Or if I don't do it perfectly, I'll disappoint someone and I don't know how to handle those feelings.
- 5:16Michelle Gauthier: And if you were my client, we would talk through each one of those and figure out, is that really true?
- 5:22Michelle Gauthier: Is that fear really true?
- 5:23Michelle Gauthier: Is that a fear you could handle?
- 5:25Michelle Gauthier: But for today, I just want you to take away that if you're feeling like perfectionism is part of your life and it's making you feel stressed out, that the first thing to do is just realize you're doing it and then get underneath it and see what the fear is.
- 5:40Michelle Gauthier: Once you understand what you're really afraid of, it's easier to realize that you can survive turning in something or giving something to someone that is maybe a little bit messy or not exactly up to your 100% standards, and you'll gain confidence by taking action and not perfecting it behind the scenes.
- 5:59Michelle Gauthier: So this week, as we're leading up to the end of the year, I challenge you to do something imperfectly, something messy, take some messy action and move forward and see how that feels to you.
- 6:13Michelle Gauthier: That's it for today.
- 6:14Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.
- 6:19Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 6:22Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.com.
- 6:28Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.