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Transcript

Criminals of Isla Numus - Episode 26 - Wacky Wavy Abatable Wands Co. · Session Zero Heroes | TTRPG Actual Play Adventures & Improv Storytelling

• 0:00
  [MUSIC PLAYING]
• 0:02
  Hello, weary traveler.
• 0:12
  I'm not sure what strange magic must have brought you here,
• 0:15
  but you have stepped into a realm of my creation,
• 0:19
  a sprawling city filled with danger and glory,
• 0:22
  and most importantly, lots of gold.
• 0:25
  I call it, Ilanumis.
• 0:28
  Who am I?
• 0:28
  You might ask.
• 0:30
  The name is Jarjim, and I'm the patron deity of gambling.
• 0:34
  Long story short, this group of idiots,
• 0:37
  or as you may call them, heroes, made a bet with me
• 0:41
  that they had when it took to make a mass trove of gold,
• 0:44
  but left some of the key details blank.
• 0:47
  So I filled them in myself.
• 0:50
  I sent them to this pocket dimension,
• 0:52
  into the city I had created with brand new bodies
• 0:56
  they have to attune to.
• 0:58
  Can these fools pass my test, or will they
• 1:00
  be trapped here forever?
• 1:03
  So experience my world of trials and tribulations,
• 1:07
  and join alongside this posse of pitiful people,
• 1:10
  or as I like to call them, the criminals of Ilanumis.
• 1:16
  And welcome back, everybody, to another episode
• 1:19
  of Criminals of Ilanumis.
• 1:21
  I'm Skylar.
• 1:22
  I'm the Game Master, Dungeon Master.
• 1:24
  Again, last time we said we haven't had any dungeons yet,
• 1:27
  so it's more about Game Master currently.
• 1:30
  But with that being said, to my right,
• 1:33
  we have Jackson, who is being Diaz.
• 1:37
  Yeah, Dez.
• 1:38
  He was a fighter and a merman guy.
• 1:42
  And now he's a Cancun Ranger.
• 1:44
  Yep.
• 1:44
  Fun fact about Dez is he's not quite sure how starfish work.
• 1:49
  They're weird, man.
• 1:50
  They're weird.
• 1:51
  They're actually kind of scary sometimes.
• 1:52
  He's lived around them his whole life.
• 1:54
  He knows that they got suckers and mouths,
• 1:57
  but he's seen them eat a whole fish.
• 2:01
  And where does that fish go?
• 2:03
  Yeah, he doesn't know.
• 2:03
  That's the horrors of starfish.
• 2:07
  I don't like a mysosaurus.
• 2:09
  Yeah.
• 2:11
  Throwing those jokes out there next to Dez
• 2:15
  is Dave, who is playing Maki.
• 2:18
  Well, I'm playing Maki, a Cancun shadow sorcerer.
• 2:23
  Nice.
• 2:24
  Right on.
• 2:25
  That's right.
• 2:26
  Yeah, that's right.
• 2:27
  I mean, sometimes--
• 2:28
  You're in time to do the point.
• 2:28
  That's right.
• 2:29
  With that being said, we'll move on over to Cameron,
• 2:32
  who is playing Rorick.
• 2:35
  Hi, I'm Cameron.
• 2:36
  You are.
• 2:36
  I'm playing Rorick.
• 2:37
  You are.
• 2:39
  And Rorick was a dwarf.
• 2:41
  He was.
• 2:42
  No longer.
• 2:43
  No longer.
• 2:43
  He's a goblin.
• 2:44
  He is.
• 2:45
  And he's shorter.
• 2:46
  He's much--
• 2:47
  Somehow, not much.
• 2:48
  Not much.
• 2:48
  Not much.
• 2:49
  Close, actually.
• 2:50
  He only went down a couple, like a foot.
• 2:52
  Yeah.
• 2:52
  Which, I mean, kind of significant.
• 2:54
  Kind of.
• 2:55
  But when you spend your whole life being the shortest
• 2:57
  in the group, it's really not that much.
• 2:59
  I don't know.
• 2:59
  That box of cereal on the second shelf
• 3:01
  is just that much further away.
• 3:03
  Don't remind me.
• 3:06
  Next to Cameron and continuing on to the fact
• 3:10
  that he is our final player for tonight,
• 3:12
  because Quinn, aka Little Sauce, is still out.
• 3:16
  But again, we will be doing kind of a side adventure, maybe,
• 3:19
  assuming he's still alive.
• 3:23
  Bum, bum, bum.
• 3:24
  We have Fatty Lumpkins, who's playing Keto.
• 3:27
  Fatty here playing Keto, the cobalt echonet.
• 3:32
  Nice.
• 3:33
  And we got to see some of that echo nighting last time.
• 3:37
  So with that being said, we will jump--
• 3:38
  He's so cool.
• 3:39
  He is pretty cool.
• 3:40
  With that being said, we will jump into the episode.
• 3:44
  [MUSIC PLAYING]
• 3:46
  All right, so last time we left off,
• 3:51
  you guys went to the Blood Ball Coliseum after you--
• 3:55
  Oh, sorry, not Coliseum.
• 3:57
  Stadium.
• 3:57
  It's a stadium.
• 3:59
  Because you guys heard screaming and freaking out of people,
• 4:03
  and you went there to discover that one of the three monsters
• 4:05
  that you were after in coercion with the Coliseum,
• 4:10
  the actual Coliseum, or the hippodrome,
• 4:12
  as Hal hippodome likes to refer to it as.
• 4:16
  And you guys were able to defeat one of the three monsters
• 4:20
  that were there.
• 4:20
  With that being said, you put it to sleep,
• 4:24
  and then you sold the bulk of this monster, which
• 4:27
  was sort of replicating itself in a sense,
• 4:31
  to Varys Shadowcaster, who Rorik and Des had run into
• 4:37
  previously.
• 4:38
  A tiefling was sort of some element of shadow magic
• 4:42
  that had, like I said, put himself forth to these two
• 4:47
  earlier on and reappeared now, offering to purchase the monster
• 4:51
  off of them for, eventually, 3,000 gold pieces,
• 4:55
  which is pretty great.
• 4:55
  Nice raise.
• 4:57
  You guys bumped up the price quite a bit.
• 4:59
  We were able to convince him that.
• 5:00
  And he obviously thought it was worth it.
• 5:02
  And so he took the monster away with him,
• 5:04
  leaving you guys with one section, one head snake
• 5:08
  creature known as a centrosnake, which
• 5:10
  is what comes off of the mitosisaurus that you defeated.
• 5:14
  The behind for you to keep.
• 5:16
  I'm not 100% sure what you guys are going to do with it,
• 5:18
  but you have it.
• 5:19
  So there you go.
• 5:20
  Starts kissing it.
• 5:21
  No, I won't do so much.
• 5:23
  And the camera fades in with the intro.
• 5:27
  And then it's--
• 5:28
  There, there, Maki.
• 5:29
  I'm sure we'll meet Shadowcaster again.
• 5:32
  And you stop crying.
• 5:34
  He's just got such cool shadow powers.
• 5:37
  Yeah, that was pretty cool.
• 5:38
  Not going to lie.
• 5:40
  Anyways, I got this monocle that turns out can do stuff.
• 5:46
  It's just in my pocket.
• 5:47
  Wait.
• 5:48
  This whole time.
• 5:49
  Wait, those things do stuff?
• 5:51
  I'm with his whistle that just--
• 5:52
  Yeah, I have one too.
• 5:54
  Fingering into my pocket.
• 5:55
  I'll have monocles.
• 5:57
  No, I've got a chest piece.
• 5:58
  I've got a whistle.
• 6:00
  Oh.
• 6:01
  Well, see if you got anything other than lint
• 6:04
  in your pocket, Dex.
• 6:06
  Dez is down.
• 6:07
  He starts to pat down himself in his pockets and his cloak.
• 6:12
  And random things are falling out of his cloak and stuff.
• 6:16
  But he's just shrugs.
• 6:19
  Rory's going to flip the chest piece in the air
• 6:21
  and see if it does anything.
• 6:24
  No.
• 6:25
  Does it have a button on it?
• 6:27
  No.
• 6:28
  Can he look--
• 6:28
  Is there a glow?
• 6:29
  Is it glowing?
• 6:30
  Can you shake it?
• 6:31
  In my monocle.
• 6:32
  It is glowing in your monocle.
• 6:33
  You can see through it because it is glass.
• 6:36
  But it would be like a fogged glass.
• 6:38
  Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 6:38
  Like that white fogged glass.
• 6:41
  It's glowing all right.
• 6:42
  Oh, it does.
• 6:44
  Dez draws out a little chessboard in the dirt
• 6:48
  and has a pseudo chess set set up with random shiny pebbles
• 6:54
  he found in the dirt.
• 6:55
  I hate gestures.
• 6:56
  I put it.
• 6:58
  I-- where do I put it?
• 7:00
  What kind of chess piece is it?
• 7:02
  It says--
• 7:04
  Drag glass dragon chess piece that--
• 7:06
  nope, doesn't specify.
• 7:08
  It just says chess piece is obviously a knife.
• 7:10
  Time to roll.
• 7:11
  That's what I was--
• 7:12
  Time to roll a D6.
• 7:15
  Wait, how many pieces are there?
• 7:16
  There's Caspy.
• 7:16
  2D6.
• 7:18
  2D6.
• 7:19
  3.
• 7:21
  It's a bishop.
• 7:22
  Oh.
• 7:24
  It's a bishop.
• 7:25
  I don't know where this--
• 7:26
  I don't even know where this comes.
• 7:29
  I don't know.
• 7:30
  The enniel had a hand at the decks.
• 7:31
  Dez looks at it and he puts it in the pseudo chess--
• 7:37
  chessboard where the bishop would be.
• 7:40
  And then all of a sudden, it starts to glow.
• 7:44
  The whole chessboard you've drawn starts to glow.
• 7:48
  No, I'm kidding.
• 7:50
  Nothing.
• 7:50
  It comes to light.
• 7:51
  And it comes to light.
• 7:52
  It's a dragon.
• 7:53
  Now move it.
• 7:54
  You have summoned a chessboard.
• 7:55
  Yes.
• 7:56
  Yeah, you put it on the ground and it makes your drawing.
• 7:59
  And you just like a chessboard.
• 8:00
  Oh, that's cool.
• 8:01
  It's like, you know what?
• 8:02
  Chessboard.
• 8:04
  No, nothing happened.
• 8:05
  Just start to fill a room with chessboard.
• 8:07
  Oh, you already--
• 8:08
  You're way too--
• 8:09
  A million coins.
• 8:10
  I can't believe we thought of the same thing
• 8:11
  at the same time.
• 8:13
  We opened a store.
• 8:14
  A chess--
• 8:15
  I'm going to start filling my bag of holding with just
• 8:18
  chessboards.
• 8:19
  Turn them into weapons.
• 8:20
  You just go running around a throwing chess--
• 8:22
  it's easy.
• 8:22
  Start moving it the way you would move a bishop.
• 8:25
  Nothing happens.
• 8:26
  Yeah, nothing's happening.
• 8:27
  Dang it.
• 8:28
  I'll take it back.
• 8:29
  Keto grimaces and then takes a look at the item in his pocket
• 8:33
  and falls out a mysterious whistle.
• 8:35
  See, yours seems more obvious.
• 8:37
  Gold and color.
• 8:38
  Yeah, and it too seems to exude a magical aura.
• 8:42
  It does.
• 8:43
  And when Monkey's a big breath in and just blows that
• 8:48
  as hard as he can--
• 8:49
  [MUSIC PLAYING]
• 8:55
  In your mind, you suddenly think of Keto's favorite song.
• 9:03
  Oh, what is that song?
• 9:06
  Keto's favorite song.
• 9:08
  Oh, the Andy--
• 9:09
  Lord.
• 9:10
  [INAUDIBLE]
• 9:11
  [LAUGHTER]
• 9:14
  Lord, make up a song.
• 9:16
  Maybe we'll say it.
• 9:17
  Make up a song.
• 9:18
  No, make up a song.
• 9:20
  Make up an elvish song.
• 9:22
  Come on.
• 9:23
  He's not an elf.
• 9:23
  He's--
• 9:24
  No, you're--
• 9:25
  Keto's head.
• 9:27
  It's "Wiggle" by Jason.
• 9:28
  If you take a real song in actual life and then
• 9:32
  swap somebody, Jason Derulo, it's a waste of time.
• 9:35
  That's right.
• 9:36
  Come on.
• 9:37
  It's just Jason Derulo saying, Jason Derulo.
• 9:42
  Take either-- you got to take either a celebrity singer
• 9:46
  whose name has--
• 9:48
  it could--
• 9:48
  --larve into it.
• 9:49
  Just make up a song name.
• 9:51
  I can't--
• 9:53
  Like an elvish song.
• 9:54
  You were Lord of the Rings fan.
• 9:57
  Fine.
• 9:57
  We're going to go "The Bridge of Khazadum" by Howard Shore.
• 10:02
  OK, so--
• 10:03
  OK.
• 10:04
  I can't-- obviously, for those listening to the podcast,
• 10:06
  I can't use Howard Shore as the bridge of Khazadum.
• 10:10
  Why not?
• 10:10
  How about you, Skyler, play "The Bridge of Khazadum"
• 10:14
  on a still on a record?
• 10:15
  No.
• 10:16
  And it'll be so bad.
• 10:18
  Hover's are kind of agreeing.
• 10:19
  It's Hover.
• 10:20
  So it's Coca.
• 10:22
  But there is going to be a song that'll be underneath this.
• 10:24
  And that is the closest thing, I guess,
• 10:26
  I could find based on what I have access to.
• 10:30
  But whatever the case, what happens
• 10:31
  is a small group of imps suddenly puff around you.
• 10:39
  And each one has a different instrument.
• 10:43
  One has a hand drum.
• 10:45
  One has pan pipes.
• 10:46
  One has a lute.
• 10:47
  And one has a viol, like a violin.
• 10:50
  And they all start playing "The Bridge of Khazadum."
• 10:54
  Can I join in?
• 10:56
  Sure.
• 10:56
  With what?
• 10:57
  My lute.
• 10:58
  Oh, OK.
• 11:00
  I've rolled in that one.
• 11:02
  You pluck and the string go--
• 11:04
  [BELL RINGING]
• 11:07
  Leave it to the professionals.
• 11:10
  That is--
• 11:10
  That's crazy.
• 11:11
  --fifty.
• 11:13
  I'll be it not useful, but--
• 11:14
  I bet they work for free.
• 11:16
  We could make some money off of this.
• 11:18
  This is the second way I've seen to make a million coins.
• 11:22
  I'm going to perform in monkey.
• 11:24
  I've got performing imps.
• 11:25
  I'm going to blow my chest piece.
• 11:29
  What?
• 11:31
  Just put it up to your mouth and just what?
• 11:33
  Yeah.
• 11:34
  Nothing happens.
• 11:35
  Oh.
• 11:36
  [LAUGHTER]
• 11:44
  Maki's going to look around on the ground
• 11:48
  for any of those glowing objects he saw in the battle.
• 11:53
  He was angry.
• 11:54
  Yeah.
• 11:56
  Yeah, OK.
• 11:57
  OK.
• 11:57
  I missed that darn shadow magic.
• 11:59
  Tricked those too.
• 12:01
  No, you search around.
• 12:04
  And as you're searching, you pick up some obscure items
• 12:08
  from the ground, like a half-eaten box of popcorn,
• 12:12
  a half-eaten hot dog, a half-drink beverage.
• 12:17
  But what you do inevitably find that is glowing is a compass.
• 12:22
  Oh, compass.
• 12:25
  Ah, what do we have here then?
• 12:27
  And it seems to be pointing east.
• 12:31
  I remember the last time I gave a D&D player a compass.
• 12:35
  They disappeared from the campaign.
• 12:38
  Not a joke.
• 12:39
  This is what happened.
• 12:40
  This is what happened.
• 12:41
  I walked into my pocket for a future reference.
• 12:44
  All right.
• 12:45
  And I start pointing my chess piece at stuff
• 12:47
  and going like, presto.
• 12:49
  Magnifico.
• 12:51
  Ta-da.
• 12:52
  Oh, you're pulling a Tilby McGuire spider?
• 12:54
  Yeah.
• 12:56
  What?
• 12:56
  Go.
• 12:56
  This is just in the background.
• 12:58
  Nothing seems to be happening.
• 13:00
  Go, Bishop.
• 13:00
  Go.
• 13:01
  I will take--
• 13:03
  I choose you, Bishop.
• 13:04
  Rest of my equipment.
• 13:05
  And I look at him to see if anything else is glowing.
• 13:09
  He's naked in the field.
• 13:11
  Yeah.
• 13:13
  He set it all down in neat.
• 13:14
  We--
• 13:15
  Oh, look at the magic.
• 13:16
  Tell me what else you're looking at.
• 13:17
  Oh, he's got the magic rock.
• 13:19
  I mean, wait.
• 13:20
  No, that's magic.
• 13:21
  Wait.
• 13:22
  Did Little Sauce take the rock with him?
• 13:23
  He last had it.
• 13:24
  Oh, I guess he did.
• 13:27
  He's fine, actually.
• 13:28
  He's the only one that actually do this.
• 13:29
  We don't care about it.
• 13:31
  Assuming he's not dead, he probably--
• 13:34
  it would serve him best.
• 13:35
  Very fair.
• 13:36
  We could find him whenever we want,
• 13:37
  because as you said, the rock makes a giant tractor beam
• 13:41
  that does not near us.
• 13:42
  If it's not, but he's part of your group, too.
• 13:44
  I am more.
• 13:45
  If he's dead--
• 13:47
  oh, that's a good way to determine if he's dead.
• 13:50
  If it just shows up-- oh, no!
• 13:52
  [LAUGHTER]
• 13:55
  You guys start just scanning all around you.
• 13:57
  Let's see if that or he dropped it.
• 13:59
  That's also positive.
• 14:00
  If Quinn's session ends with him in trouble
• 14:03
  and needing help, he can--
• 14:05
  He can toss it to the side.
• 14:07
  Dude, I cannot wait to--
• 14:08
  That actually-- and then we have to follow the trail
• 14:11
  from there to find him.
• 14:12
  Actually, that would be really cool.
• 14:14
  We'll see what happens.
• 14:16
  But now I have a white tile and a Raven icon button
• 14:20
  that were my trinkets, other trinkets.
• 14:24
  At last they were accidentally supposed to be desses.
• 14:27
  Did you get desses and--
• 14:29
  I had little sauces.
• 14:30
  I don't know why I would have written them on there.
• 14:33
  But yes, both of those are three.
• 14:36
  Both of those are glowing.
• 14:38
  Because he just liked your more, Marky.
• 14:40
  You should just give Des one because you feel bad.
• 14:43
  I don't want your pity magic.
• 14:44
  I'll give you my chest piece that doesn't work.
• 14:49
  It's magical.
• 14:50
  There's magic in there.
• 14:51
  Don't know what it do.
• 14:52
  We should get these appraised.
• 14:54
  Oh, that's true.
• 14:55
  A wizard can tell me what it does.
• 14:58
  Let's go to-- well, what time is it?
• 15:01
  I feel like it's getting-- we just had two giant--
• 15:03
  Yeah, it was pretty late.
• 15:05
  Yeah.
• 15:05
  But you've been--
• 15:06
  Let's go into the--
• 15:06
  I'm dying.
• 15:08
  Well, there was a Colosseum slide.
• 15:10
  And then there was this.
• 15:11
  So I'm tired.
• 15:14
  I'm peckish.
• 15:15
  I want some grub.
• 15:17
  I'll tell you what.
• 15:18
  If you want some grub, you should come over to our tavern.
• 15:22
  Who the heck are you?
• 15:23
  The giant satire.
• 15:27
  From the munchies.
• 15:29
  Oh, you're giving me the munchies.
• 15:30
  The misfit munchies team.
• 15:32
  That's what they chant.
• 15:33
  You ever been--
• 15:34
  Munch, munch, munch.
• 15:36
  Hey, you guys' fans.
• 15:39
  Yeah, ever since I saw the sign.
• 15:41
  Oh, well, I got to say, we're big fans of you guys.
• 15:44
  Thanks for taking care of that big old monster.
• 15:48
  That was causing us trouble.
• 15:49
  It was an ablin'.
• 15:51
  Oh, it was something--
• 15:52
  I was a pretty strong one.
• 15:54
  Was it?
• 15:54
  Oh, hey.
• 15:57
  So what do you say about dinner on us?
• 15:59
  Oh, sure.
• 16:00
  Yeah, oh, yeah.
• 16:01
  That was a tough one, all right.
• 16:02
  You guys ever miss a--
• 16:03
  Tough of legend.
• 16:04
  You guys ever been to Burger Beasts?
• 16:07
  Sure.
• 16:07
  That's the only tavern that you've actually gone to in E-Night.
• 16:11
  We went to a Burger Beasts?
• 16:12
  Yeah.
• 16:13
  Is that the one that had all the different janks?
• 16:15
  That's the one that had all the various drinks?
• 16:18
  As you guys are talking to him, the ill-fidd,
• 16:24
  the mind flayer approaches, the one that I mentioned before.
• 16:28
  And he looks at you guys, and he says, wait a minute.
• 16:32
  I remember you.
• 16:34
  You guys skipped out on your tab.
• 16:36
  Oh, these guys?
• 16:39
  Oh, well, this is--
• 16:42
  Call us even.
• 16:43
  I was just going to say, it sounds like you got your free meal.
• 16:45
  Well, we'd invite you down to Burger Beasts,
• 16:47
  but maybe this time you actually pay for it.
• 16:52
  I did recently come upon some gold.
• 16:55
  Sure, why not?
• 16:56
  And then bed straight for all of us.
• 16:58
  Straight's a bed.
• 16:59
  I can understand that.
• 17:01
  All right, well, we're headed there now,
• 17:03
  because we got to cook up.
• 17:05
  We're all staff there, so we got to get to work.
• 17:09
  Yeah, we'll follow.
• 17:10
  So you guys follow those guys off to--
• 17:12
  And I thought--
• 17:12
  Follow the mind flare.
• 17:14
  Sure.
• 17:15
  Hey, do you find it hard to eat food with all those tentacles
• 17:19
  and stuff in the way?
• 17:20
  He lifts up the tentacles, and there's
• 17:22
  like a creepy mouth under there, and he's like, no,
• 17:25
  it's not too hard, see?
• 17:27
  Yeah, but you have to lift the tentacles every time to eat.
• 17:30
  It's sort of an instinct.
• 17:33
  They kind of just lift as I bring the food up.
• 17:35
  It's-- wait, can you lift them without your hands?
• 17:38
  I just did.
• 17:40
  Oh, well, the real life Skylete is just a hands--
• 17:44
  Sorry.
• 17:44
  Yeah, there.
• 17:45
  Sorry, it was just me showing it, but yeah, he can--
• 17:47
  That is cool.
• 17:49
  Thanks.
• 17:49
  Can they wave at me?
• 17:51
  I mean, I guess they could.
• 17:53
  Have you named them?
• 17:54
  Usually, I use them to wave at customers
• 17:58
  after they pay and leave a restaurant.
• 18:01
  Oh, I didn't get to see that before.
• 18:04
  You did not.
• 18:04
  I don't remember why, though.
• 18:06
  Remember our scratch at the top of his head, Dumbled?
• 18:10
  I remember performing at your place wasn't too good at it.
• 18:14
  It was my first time.
• 18:16
  He, and I point at Keto, I say, but he's got a stellar band
• 18:21
  he's got, and I will blow my whistle.
• 18:24
  And sure enough, the band comes out.
• 18:26
  What are they playing this time?
• 18:28
  I'll show it.
• 18:28
  I'll show it.
• 18:29
  Every time.
• 18:29
  I'll show it.
• 18:30
  They're doing a nice little she shanty.
• 18:33
  She shanty.
• 18:35
  They're stinking like, you know what I said?
• 18:37
  It was a pirate for a long time.
• 18:39
  I'd know it in--
• 18:40
  Yeah, yeah, I was going to say, sure.
• 18:41
  Oh, this one's amazing.
• 18:43
  I love this one.
• 18:43
  What do you know?
• 18:44
  Where do you know?
• 18:45
  What do you know?
• 18:46
  Where do you know?
• 18:46
  They all stop playing, and they all kind of glare at you
• 18:50
  angrily.
• 18:51
  I stop, and I kind of bashfully look away.
• 18:54
  And as you look away, they start to slowly go back
• 18:56
  to playing the song again.
• 18:57
  And I whisper, what do you know?
• 18:58
  I've been saying.
• 18:59
  [LAUGHTER]
• 19:02
  All right, so yeah, how long do you want that to last?
• 19:05
  Forever.
• 19:06
  Forever.
• 19:08
  Well, at what point--
• 19:09
  At the first board.
• 19:10
  Oh, they'll get to the first verse.
• 19:12
  OK, and then they dissipate.
• 19:13
  Yes.
• 19:14
  All right.
• 19:15
  Yeah, you guys head back to Burger Beasts,
• 19:17
  and they make you whatever it is that you want.
• 19:20
  I would say, I don't know, like 10 gold.
• 19:22
  Like one Burger Beasts, please.
• 19:24
  Yep, they make you a Burger Beasts.
• 19:26
  Does anybody want a Beast Burger?
• 19:28
  I don't know.
• 19:28
  It might have bold on it.
• 19:30
  It might.
• 19:31
  Who knows?
• 19:31
  Anyway, whatever it is, it'll fun.
• 19:33
  You guys get into your guys' food,
• 19:35
  and like I said, 10 gold, probably total for the meal.
• 19:39
  And yeah, you're all set.
• 19:41
  They're a really chill group.
• 19:44
  As you guys are walking to the restaurant, they talk about--
• 19:46
  it was-- obviously, they were really confused.
• 19:49
  They don't know what the heck happened with the monsters.
• 19:50
  You guys mentioned to them the situation at the Coliseum.
• 19:53
  They're like, ah, that makes sense.
• 19:55
  They talk to you guys about Blood Ball,
• 19:58
  how they're hoping that they'll get ahead this year,
• 20:00
  because they're hoping they can make it to the major leagues.
• 20:03
  So all their members are still alive.
• 20:05
  Yes.
• 20:06
  Huh, one good friend.
• 20:07
  Yeah.
• 20:08
  Random question.
• 20:09
  Right.
• 20:09
  What do we do with the head?
• 20:11
  You know, I forgot to ask you that.
• 20:13
  That's a good question for you.
• 20:15
  I throw it back to you, like a boomerang.
• 20:18
  We dragged it with the rough.
• 20:19
  I should have said that he left you guys
• 20:25
  with a practically dead one, because that would have been
• 20:27
  easier to handle.
• 20:28
  But I don't know.
• 20:29
  Drag it through the street.
• 20:30
  It's a CR 1/2.
• 20:33
  I'm not too worried that you get--
• 20:34
  1/2 or 1/2?
• 20:36
  Is it CR 1/2 or 1 1/2?
• 20:39
  There is no 1 1/2.
• 20:40
  Just 1/2.
• 20:41
  They don't do 1 1/2.
• 20:42
  It's 1, and then it goes 2, and then it's just whole numbers
• 20:45
  from that point forward.
• 20:46
  That makes more sense.
• 20:47
  But yeah, 1/2.
• 20:49
  I don't know.
• 20:49
  We could just do one of those--
• 20:51
  People are definitely staring at us.
• 20:52
  Those harness rope ties and then carried around like a backpack.
• 20:57
  Blindfold it.
• 20:59
  Oh, yeah.
• 21:00
  Gag it.
• 21:01
  This is getting weird.
• 21:03
  We hire a cab to take us to the--
• 21:06
  Ah, there you go.
• 21:06
  There you go.
• 21:07
  A yellow cab in the middle of this hide fantasy.
• 21:10
  It's some dude with a rickshaw.
• 21:12
  Cabby.
• 21:13
  Cabby's driving it from New York.
• 21:20
  I think they, at the very least, they
• 21:22
  would ask you to leave it outside of Burger V's.
• 21:25
  Sabby?
• 21:27
  The monster.
• 21:30
  But you guys enjoy your meal.
• 21:32
  You come back out.
• 21:32
  And I don't think anyone in all of Isla Numes
• 21:36
  would dare approach the centra snake.
• 21:38
  So it's not like you have to worry about it getting stolen.
• 21:41
  So it's waiting there for you when you get back.
• 21:44
  Weekly.
• 21:45
  Yes.
• 21:46
  Just kill me.
• 21:49
  This is very upset.
• 21:51
  It does not speak a language.
• 21:54
  Boo.
• 21:55
  And it can't hiss at you because you have its mouth closing.
• 21:57
  You're going to have to open up for that.
• 21:59
  All right, so do we just go back to Little Sauce's house?
• 22:03
  Yeah.
• 22:04
  All right.
• 22:04
  Let's go back to Little Sauce's house.
• 22:05
  You guys head back to the tree house
• 22:06
  dragging this monster along with you
• 22:08
  or having somebody write it over for you or something.
• 22:13
  Whatever the case, you get back to his house.
• 22:15
  Are you guys just tying it up outside?
• 22:17
  Sure.
• 22:18
  It's a weird take on having yourselves a little monster.
• 22:21
  You could just slap it in the basement.
• 22:24
  You could just slap it in the basement.
• 22:25
  So it doesn't wander off in the night
• 22:27
  or you just shut the door.
• 22:29
  You drive a snake.
• 22:30
  He made the town more and more of a sketchy situation
• 22:34
  for this centra snake.
• 22:36
  You just drive a snake into the grass or ground or whatever.
• 22:40
  Like a leash.
• 22:41
  Like they do some people's dogs.
• 22:42
  You have a little house.
• 22:45
  A water--
• 22:46
  Whoa, a water dish.
• 22:49
  We fashion a spike collar for it.
• 22:53
  Calm spike.
• 22:55
  You got to get there.
• 22:56
  You guys get a full night's rest.
• 22:58
  Wake up the next morning feeling refreshed.
• 23:00
  Rest?
• 23:01
  Long rest?
• 23:01
  That's right.
• 23:02
  Oh, yeah.
• 23:03
  Full rest.
• 23:03
  There you go.
• 23:04
  Is this a boy snake or a frog?
• 23:07
  You're not sure how to tell.
• 23:08
  And actually, I would also point out the fact
• 23:11
  that how the centra snake--
• 23:13
  or sorry, the mitosis or is--
• 23:15
  mitosis sizes, it probably doesn't even
• 23:19
  have gender or a sex or whatever.
• 23:21
  It must have was a myosasaurus.
• 23:24
  It was not.
• 23:25
  This is a mitosis.
• 23:26
  That's very woke.
• 23:27
  Yeah, that's very woke of that creature to be like that.
• 23:30
  Yeah, that's true.
• 23:31
  Good for him.
• 23:32
  All right, now what do we do with our day?
• 23:35
  We have a full day ahead of us.
• 23:38
  Do we just go looking for the other monster
• 23:41
  and then sell it off the shadow caster?
• 23:43
  Desd and accessory of yours there, Rorick.
• 23:46
  What fashion accessory?
• 23:48
  That belt of yours that's been buzzing this whole time.
• 23:52
  You have a call.
• 23:55
  I don't know.
• 23:56
  I figured I'd just chop it off at some point.
• 24:00
  Oh, well, that's easy.
• 24:01
  I don't know if I can chop it off.
• 24:03
  I know I can chop the leg off at least.
• 24:06
  What's one leg down?
• 24:08
  I've always wanted a peg leg.
• 24:09
  And it's--
• 24:10
  The way--
• 24:10
  The torso.
• 24:11
  That's a torso?
• 24:13
  Yeah, I thought it was on my leg.
• 24:14
  Hell, not like a parole.
• 24:15
  Oh, tell me about this.
• 24:16
  It's a belt.
• 24:17
  Oh, that's going to be a little harder to chop off.
• 24:19
  I think I need a mid-torso.
• 24:20
  Last I checked.
• 24:22
  Maybe you better go on a diet.
• 24:24
  Shouldn't have had that Biscie Burger.
• 24:26
  Oh, man.
• 24:28
  Why'd you say this diet is ruined?
• 24:32
  Maybe you hadn't even started it yet.
• 24:34
  Take the dragon chest piece and stick it next to the belt
• 24:38
  and see if that works.
• 24:40
  Nothing happened.
• 24:41
  Dang it.
• 24:42
  I'll find its purpose.
• 24:44
  Well, if it's a lighter, open the head and smoke them
• 24:48
  if you got them.
• 24:48
  Oh, yeah.
• 24:49
  What would you guys like to do?
• 24:51
  I mean, we could--
• 24:53
  So I don't really remember what the deal was.
• 24:56
  I don't-- I think we were supposed to bring back
• 24:58
  the monsters to the dude alive.
• 25:01
  And so I've got one.
• 25:03
  I say, no, I point to the basement.
• 25:05
  I go, we do have part of that monster alive.
• 25:09
  And we're holding up on end of the deal so far.
• 25:13
  That fine print checks out.
• 25:15
  Are you going to take it to the Coliseum and turn it in?
• 25:17
  Fat chance.
• 25:18
  Oh.
• 25:20
  All right.
• 25:21
  So we could go for the next monster.
• 25:25
  Or I have another idea.
• 25:27
  It's crazier.
• 25:29
  You guys can tell me to stop.
• 25:30
  But the idea is we go to local government again.
• 25:33
  And we tell them about Hal-Hippodome,
• 25:37
  let all these monsters outloose onto the city wreaking havoc
• 25:40
  and killing people.
• 25:42
  And then we throw in the blame on the him
• 25:44
  so that when he comes and knocking to me,
• 25:47
  we have the authorities with us.
• 25:49
  And they arrest him for malpractice.
• 25:51
  That's assuming he hasn't already filed a report.
• 25:55
  I don't know if I can handle any more red tape.
• 25:58
  OK, so if we don't like the red tape idea, that's fine.
• 26:02
  Again, I was shooting me down whatever.
• 26:04
  I don't know if we have a strong standing with the government
• 26:07
  after our--
• 26:09
  Let's see.
• 26:09
  You had to issue a government office already
• 26:12
  and caused a huge disturbance.
• 26:13
  I don't know.
• 26:14
  We're for license the lawyers.
• 26:16
  Very license.
• 26:18
  Very license.
• 26:19
  He's got a giant book.
• 26:20
  I put it in my pocket.
• 26:22
  Yeah, it helps me go to sleep at night.
• 26:24
  I think it'd be a good idea to maybe actually go to a wizard
• 26:27
  and see what some of these magic items do.
• 26:30
  That's not a bad idea.
• 26:31
  I like it.
• 26:32
  And then I'd be for tracking down these monsters.
• 26:36
  Like I said before, opportunity may arise.
• 26:40
  It's true.
• 26:40
  It did seem to bring in quite a bit of an offer.
• 26:42
  And by opportunity, you mean you can meet Shadowcaster again.
• 26:47
  What?
• 26:48
  I mean, maybe we can sell more to him.
• 26:51
  I thought of that.
• 26:52
  He is my new, new best friend.
• 26:54
  So then how do we go about tracking another one
• 26:56
  of these monsters?
• 26:58
  Honestly, we could just wander the city
• 26:59
  and list for more screams.
• 27:02
  Do the descriptors that I got have anythings like locations
• 27:06
  they might be fond of?
• 27:08
  No.
• 27:09
  Not at all.
• 27:10
  Oh, what do they look like?
• 27:11
  The Shadow Hag looks like a frail, female, individual,
• 27:18
  wearing black cloaks.
• 27:20
  OK.
• 27:21
  They have kind of like fragments that come off.
• 27:23
  Probably somewhere dark.
• 27:25
  And King Fortunus?
• 27:28
  King Fortunus?
• 27:29
  OK.
• 27:30
  He's an arachakra.
• 27:33
  He's a falcon.
• 27:35
  Trees.
• 27:35
  You want a type of arachakra?
• 27:37
  He wants the vm trees, guy.
• 27:38
  And he's massive.
• 27:41
  Like a big boy?
• 27:42
  Muscular.
• 27:43
  Like a big chungus?
• 27:44
  This is the freaking ripped.
• 27:46
  Which is odd because you thought these were all
• 27:49
  monstrosities or some kind that you were hunting.
• 27:51
  But this seems very humanoid.
• 27:53
  So it's just a dude.
• 27:54
  It's just a dude.
• 27:56
  You ever see them dudes who are really
• 27:57
  jagged or really big like--
• 28:00
  yeah, oh yeah, real big--
• 28:02
  They literally have a second person standing behind them.
• 28:04
  Yeah.
• 28:05
  You're pretty monstrous, man.
• 28:06
  That's true.
• 28:06
  You're not wrong.
• 28:07
  I see people like that.
• 28:09
  And I'm like, you're free.
• 28:11
  I am not a monster.
• 28:12
  I am not.
• 28:14
  And then--
• 28:16
  All right, let's go to that magic shop first.
• 28:19
  Hey, besides, they might have some magic items we could--
• 28:23
  Her shop for it.
• 28:24
  Wink, wink, wink.
• 28:26
  And by that, I mean we steal.
• 28:29
  Oh, yes.
• 28:31
  I cause a distraction.
• 28:32
  Or one of you causes a distraction in, oh,
• 28:34
  "bizzle fingers."
• 28:36
  As lightning comes, a little lightning
• 28:37
  comes out of my fingers.
• 28:39
  And does the grabbing.
• 28:40
  All right, off to the magic shop.
• 28:43
  All right, is it named magic shop and more?
• 28:45
  It's just bed, bath, and beyond.
• 28:48
  It's just like they underlined the beyond part.
• 28:51
  We'll have our local Google guide with us.
• 28:54
  So we can just grab a random person.
• 28:56
  Oh, is that my best friend, Gavin the Dwarf,
• 28:59
  walking down the street?
• 29:01
  Gavin.
• 29:02
  Roll for Gavin.
• 29:03
  Done.
• 29:04
  Nat 20.
• 29:05
  I'm not even joking.
• 29:08
  OK, yeah, sure.
• 29:09
  You see-- you see our friend Gavin.
• 29:11
  He had like a heavy, like Scottish accent.
• 29:13
  Oh, yeah.
• 29:14
  OK.
• 29:15
  Gavin!
• 29:15
  Gavin, I can't believe I actually saw you.
• 29:18
  Did you tell him your name was Rourke?
• 29:20
  We never-- I never gave him my name.
• 29:22
  Oh, little Copeland friend.
• 29:24
  Hey, what are you doing there?
• 29:26
  You live around there?
• 29:27
  These parts?
• 29:28
  Yeah.
• 29:29
  Yeah, do you?
• 29:31
  Yeah, I do.
• 29:32
  I do now.
• 29:33
  You do.
• 29:36
  What-- how did things go yesterday
• 29:38
  after the craziness at the Colosseum?
• 29:42
  Yeah, I want to apologize.
• 29:43
  I didn't know Colosseum rules.
• 29:45
  And I saw my friend in dangerous.
• 29:47
  That's why I shot an arrow at the monster.
• 29:49
  I-- I didn't mean the rule and the fight.
• 29:51
  Well, you know now.
• 29:53
  I got all fueled up in the-- you know.
• 29:56
  Yeah, we all do.
• 29:57
  We all do, I suppose.
• 29:58
  If you weren't-- if you're new to it, I can forgive you.
• 30:00
  It's anyways.
• 30:00
  I'm getting punished for it anyhow.
• 30:02
  So--
• 30:02
  Oh, yeah?
• 30:03
  I had to wear this belt.
• 30:04
  Oh, that looks--
• 30:05
  Comfortable as hell.
• 30:06
  Very uncomfortable.
• 30:07
  And it vibrates a lot.
• 30:10
  You know, you know, there might be some benefits to that.
• 30:14
  I don't know.
• 30:15
  But if you say it's uncomfortable, then--
• 30:18
  Anyways, the reason is because we
• 30:20
  got to catch three monsters that got out.
• 30:22
  All the monsters?
• 30:23
  Do you know them?
• 30:24
  You're-- you're a regular to the Colosseum.
• 30:26
  Oh, I heard there was a mitosis source.
• 30:28
  You're gonna kill that?
• 30:29
  That was you guys.
• 30:30
  [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
• 30:32
  We're looking for the Shadowhag and King Fartness.
• 30:35
  Oh, shit.
• 30:36
  Sorry, what was this again?
• 30:38
  King Fartness.
• 30:39
  Fartness.
• 30:40
  Fartness what?
• 30:42
  Classic high five.
• 30:44
  Classic Gavin.
• 30:45
  That's why he's my best friend.
• 30:47
  You think about this King Fartness Shadowhag,
• 30:51
  you know that it sounds bad.
• 30:51
  Any kind of hag is definitely not something
• 30:54
  you're enemies with for sure.
• 30:56
  Shadowhag or not.
• 30:58
  Fartounness.
• 30:59
  Fartounness.
• 31:00
  Fartounness.
• 31:01
  Yeah, you guys are getting Classic Gavin high five.
• 31:06
  You got any kind of picture or anything like that?
• 31:08
  Yeah, I show them a picture of both of them.
• 31:10
  All right, never seen that one in the--
• 31:11
  Oh!
• 31:13
  Oh!
• 31:14
  They got your hunting King Fartounness.
• 31:17
  Oh, that's how you say it.
• 31:19
  Oh, King Fartounness, he's bad news.
• 31:23
  You don't know about King Fartounness.
• 31:25
  We honestly just got to town.
• 31:27
  Oh, he's a beast.
• 31:30
  Do you want to help us catch him?
• 31:31
  Absolutely not.
• 31:33
  Not fair enough.
• 31:34
  That's a death wish right there.
• 31:35
  Now we can take him.
• 31:36
  See, King Fartounness, he was meant to be the lead
• 31:41
  of the beasts.
• 31:43
  Who are they?
• 31:45
  The beasts are just all the monsters.
• 31:46
  You don't know who the beasts are.
• 31:48
  The gang?
• 31:49
  The beasts?
• 31:50
  Gang beasts.
• 31:51
  Yeah, the beasts.
• 31:53
  They're all bunch of big muscular dudes and ladies
• 31:57
  and lads that are trying to outdo each other,
• 31:59
  saying that physical strength is the true sign of a leader.
• 32:04
  And so they are completely dictated by who can beat each other.
• 32:08
  So he's the king of the beasts.
• 32:10
  Well, he almost was.
• 32:12
  Who is?
• 32:13
  Well, the original leader of the beast was Gruggenmaidi.
• 32:17
  Gruggenmaidi?
• 32:19
  Gruggenmaidi.
• 32:20
  He was a lion.
• 32:22
  You know what a lion is?
• 32:24
  Like a lion man.
• 32:25
  Oh, hey.
• 32:27
  And gosh, he was massive.
• 32:30
  He was a big boy.
• 32:32
  What do you mean by was?
• 32:34
  Well, some say that the beasts will tell you
• 32:38
  that he reached enlightenment, but some say that he died.
• 32:47
  They didn't have it either way.
• 32:49
  They never found a body.
• 32:50
  So it's kind of hard to prove either way.
• 32:52
  But the beasts are sure that he reached enlightenment
• 32:55
  and moved on to become a higher being.
• 32:57
  He was that jacked.
• 33:00
  He fought a bald guy in a cape.
• 33:03
  And they won.
• 33:04
  So king-- so that would then--
• 33:07
  If that was the leader.
• 33:08
  If King Gruggenmaidi is gone, then that would mean King
• 33:11
  Farttutnis would be the leader now, right?
• 33:15
  Well, that's the thing.
• 33:17
  So he was set to become the leader of the beasts,
• 33:21
  but he went insane.
• 33:24
  He was taking the substance that they call burst.
• 33:28
  It's a drug.
• 33:29
  It makes you real strong for a little while,
• 33:31
  but then it wears on your noggin.
• 33:34
  And needless to say, he went absolutely bonkers.
• 33:39
  Ended up trashing a whole chunk of the Atlantic Heights
• 33:42
  district, just smashing, killing, everything.
• 33:46
  They couldn't even arrest him.
• 33:47
  They had a whole--
• 33:48
  Is that where he's from?
• 33:50
  That's where a lot of the beasts hang out.
• 33:51
  That's probably where you went.
• 33:53
  Well, that's where the red iron is after all.
• 33:56
  That's where the beasts hang out.
• 33:58
  Again, we're new here.
• 33:59
  What's that?
• 34:00
  It's just where the beasts hang out.
• 34:01
  Like a bar or something?
• 34:03
  It's big enough.
• 34:03
  And a bar.
• 34:05
  It's kind of like a club.
• 34:07
  Fair enough.
• 34:07
  Anyway--
• 34:08
  It's more like a gym.
• 34:09
  That-- that fits.
• 34:11
  Shout out.
• 34:12
  I think a workout gym.
• 34:13
  You ever been there?
• 34:14
  I don't.
• 34:14
  Just kidding.
• 34:15
  Probably just like--
• 34:15
  Probably just like a big factory.
• 34:20
  It's like a big warehouse.
• 34:21
  How does it work?
• 34:22
  With workout equipment.
• 34:24
  I've got a big fight ring.
• 34:25
  These are all what I've heard.
• 34:26
  I've never been in there myself.
• 34:27
  I'm not a beast.
• 34:28
  I mean, you--
• 34:29
  I mean, look--
• 34:29
  I mean--
• 34:30
  I'm not a beast.
• 34:30
  I mean, Gavin.
• 34:31
  Gavin, give me some credit.
• 34:34
  You're a strong man.
• 34:35
  I'm a strong man, but I'm not that strong, trust me.
• 34:38
  Anyway, try.
• 34:39
  Right now, as far as I was aware at least,
• 34:41
  Queen Valeria Ravenshild, she was entitled to the beast.
• 34:45
  She was-- she was able to prove herself the strongest.
• 34:49
  But if you're telling me that King Fortunis is out
• 34:55
  and about running around the city,
• 34:57
  you know the first place he's going.
• 34:59
  Straight to Atlantic Heights District,
• 35:02
  right to the Greed Iron.
• 35:04
  He's going to pump some iron.
• 35:06
  And then he's going to pump his feasts right
• 35:08
  into Queen Valeria.
• 35:09
  I'll bit my arse on that.
• 35:11
  All right, well, thanks for that.
• 35:12
  The pool arse is not just half.
• 35:15
  That means a lot to me, Gavin.
• 35:17
  So, Gavin, do you have any plans for today?
• 35:19
  I've got one.
• 35:20
  What?
• 35:21
  He puts his hand on your shoulder and he says,
• 35:23
  don't fight King Fortunis.
• 35:26
  No, I didn't ask--
• 35:26
  I said plans.
• 35:28
  My plan was to deliver this warning.
• 35:32
  Thanks.
• 35:32
  That he just learned about--
• 35:34
  Rodic.
• 35:35
  That falcon will kill you.
• 35:37
  OK, what about that shadow hag?
• 35:39
  I don't know anything about that.
• 35:41
  Well, how about you help us go find her?
• 35:43
  Oh, I've got plans for today.
• 35:45
  Oh, yeah.
• 35:47
  First things first, I've got to pick up my dry cleaning.
• 35:50
  It's been three days.
• 35:52
  I've got nothing to wear, Rourke.
• 35:54
  But my closet is--
• 35:55
  it's got-- it's just tweed outfit.
• 36:00
  I'm sorry, he's dry cleaning all of his clothes?
• 36:03
  Once since you've done it.
• 36:06
  It saves on time.
• 36:08
  I get it.
• 36:10
  I do the same thing.
• 36:12
  We're in the medieval fantasy.
• 36:13
  We've only got so many options.
• 36:15
  Have some stand.
• 36:17
  I don't have time.
• 36:19
  I don't have time to pull out every one of my outfits.
• 36:22
  Take my hand and brush it down.
• 36:25
  I've got to take it to the guy for that.
• 36:27
  He's a busy man.
• 36:28
  I'm a busy man.
• 36:29
  What do you do, Gavin?
• 36:30
  Tell us about yourself.
• 36:32
  Give us some interesting--
• 36:33
  let's do two facts and a lie.
• 36:35
  It's about two--
• 36:36
  [LAUGHTER]
• 36:39
  Welcome, everybody, to Teacher's--
• 36:40
  Let's all play with Triswell.
• 36:42
  This sounds like great character in the mouth.
• 36:44
  [LAUGHTER]
• 36:47
  All right, you're first, Gavin.
• 36:48
  I'll go next.
• 36:50
  I'm a woodcarver.
• 36:51
  More specifically, I design intricate dollhouses.
• 36:56
  Lie.
• 36:58
  Next.
• 37:00
  I look like you play a mean round of golf.
• 37:03
  I do not, Tris.
• 37:05
  And then the third one is that I'm a freak in the sheets.
• 37:13
  I know that that's true.
• 37:16
  I mean, look at the guy.
• 37:18
  OK, so you're bad at golf.
• 37:21
  You're a freak in the sheets.
• 37:22
  And you're a woodcarver.
• 37:24
  It makes little dollhouses.
• 37:25
  All right, which one's the lie?
• 37:26
  I feel like it's got to be the dollhouses, right?
• 37:29
  Is that what we're all thinking?
• 37:30
  I feel like, Gavin, don't tell me it's the freaking sheets.
• 37:34
  Oh, no, I'm good.
• 37:35
  I'm a freak.
• 37:35
  Well, this one's the lie.
• 37:36
  Are you great at golf?
• 37:37
  I'm great at golf, but gosh, I hate it.
• 37:39
  [LAUGHTER]
• 37:41
  So that's good.
• 37:42
  That's good.
• 37:43
  All right, my turn.
• 37:45
  All right.
• 37:45
  All right.
• 37:47
  Can we walk and talk?
• 37:48
  Yeah, no, we're walking.
• 37:49
  Oh, can we walk us to the nearest magic shop?
• 37:52
  I'm going to the dry clean, my friend.
• 37:54
  We don't know this town.
• 37:55
  All we want to do today was go to a nice magic shop.
• 38:00
  Oh!
• 38:00
  Could you take us to one?
• 38:02
  Well, there's one nearby the dry cleaners.
• 38:04
  Oh, perfect.
• 38:05
  It's called Wacky Waving Abatable Ones.
• 38:09
  Good enough for me.
• 38:12
  Anyways, while we lead us there, we'll walk and talk.
• 38:15
  So anyways, mine are--
• 38:17
  I have seven brothers and three sisters.
• 38:21
  Jeez.
• 38:23
  I was a pirate for 10 years.
• 38:28
  Interesting.
• 38:29
  And in a former life, I was a dwarf barbarian.
• 38:34
  Who ripped thousands to shreds.
• 38:38
  Oh, you know.
• 38:39
  War.
• 38:40
  Look, Rarick, I don't think lions are strong point.
• 38:43
  I mean, they're not the stereotype or nothing.
• 38:46
  But coblins have pretty big families.
• 38:50
  They're breed like rabbits.
• 38:51
  Don't take that offensively.
• 38:52
  These are one of these.
• 38:55
  I could believe-- what was the second thing?
• 38:57
  The pirate for 10 years.
• 38:58
  Oh, yeah.
• 38:59
  I could see you being a pirate.
• 39:01
  You could have come across.
• 39:02
  And if you were traveling so much,
• 39:05
  that's why you don't know the place too well.
• 39:07
  Exactly.
• 39:07
  That's how I got you, right?
• 39:08
  That makes sense.
• 39:09
  All right.
• 39:09
  So I just-- I don't know what you're talking about
• 39:13
  about previous life.
• 39:14
  That's ridiculous.
• 39:16
  You're right.
• 39:17
  That was the lie.
• 39:18
  It was 10,000.
• 39:20
  Ah!
• 39:22
  That thousand what?
• 39:24
  Oh, it was a drows elves.
• 39:26
  It was a giant war.
• 39:28
  It was dwarves versus the elves.
• 39:29
  It was an outbreak.
• 39:32
  I fought thousands and thousands of they came in.
• 39:35
  Most of them weren't drows and elves.
• 39:37
  It was mostly minions they were summoning.
• 39:40
  Oh.
• 39:41
  I didn't know that we got this detailed about our lies.
• 39:44
  But dang, I thought it was--
• 39:45
  I broke past the minions to get into the castle.
• 39:49
  It's a bit of a long story, but I got to the--
• 39:51
  Well, it doesn't look like I got time to--
• 39:53
  Well, I got to the castle.
• 39:54
  I got to the head of the drows.
• 39:56
  I got to the head of the drows.
• 39:58
  OK.
• 39:58
  He disappears into the dragon.
• 40:00
  Well, there was no turn next.
• 40:02
  All right, Des, your turn.
• 40:04
  Are you going to-- are you just walking around
• 40:06
  looking for wacky beatable?
• 40:08
  It's probably only a block away, so yeah.
• 40:10
  You probably-- oh, he went into the dry clean.
• 40:11
  Yeah, he's--
• 40:12
  Oh, I want Des to tell me his teacher.
• 40:14
  So you can do that, but Gavin is at the dry cleaner.
• 40:18
  Oh, OK.
• 40:19
  I'm sad now.
• 40:21
  Des would like to head towards the magic shop.
• 40:23
  All right, sounds good.
• 40:24
  You guys start heading towards--
• 40:26
  and sure enough, you see it's a magical shop.
• 40:30
  And the sign says wacky, wavy, abatable wands.
• 40:33
  And then it has a wand.
• 40:35
  And it's kind of like those neon lights that move,
• 40:39
  you know, where it's like it's one frame, one frame, one frame.
• 40:42
  Yeah, it's just like a flaccid wand.
• 40:45
  And then it goes to normal solid hardness.
• 40:51
  And then it goes back to flaccid.
• 40:53
  And then it's hard again.
• 40:54
  And then it's flaccid.
• 40:55
  And that's the sort of neon magical sign.
• 40:58
  A daily cycle.
• 40:59
  Yes.
• 41:00
  And we're sure this is a magic shop.
• 41:02
  This is what Gavin told you.
• 41:05
  If you said I want a magic shop and he said go to wacky, wavy,
• 41:08
  abatable wands.
• 41:08
  Magic pole?
• 41:10
  Either way.
• 41:11
  Well, might as well go talk to the guy behind the counter,
• 41:15
  I guess.
• 41:15
  [MUSIC PLAYING]
• 41:28
  Is it like a previous in teen covered in zits and stuff?
• 41:33
  No, it's an older man.
• 41:35
  You walk inside.
• 41:35
  Yep.
• 41:36
  And there's an older man dressed--
• 41:38
  there's an older man in there dressed in full,
• 41:41
  like very eccentric, goofy, excessive magical clothing.
• 41:48
  He looks literally like Mickey Mouse right out of--
• 41:52
  Fantasia.
• 41:52
  Fantasia, yes.
• 41:54
  Well, no, that's not true because Mickey Mouse was wearing red.
• 41:57
  Right?
• 41:58
  Is it a red robe?
• 42:00
  Yeah.
• 42:00
  But he has like a Mickey Mouse wizard hat on,
• 42:02
  where it's blue and all the stars.
• 42:04
  Yep, with the stars.
• 42:05
  And all his clothes match that.
• 42:06
  So they're all blue with stars.
• 42:09
  And he says, welcome everyone to wacky, wavable abatable--
• 42:14
  abit, sorry.
• 42:16
  Wacky, wavy, abatable wands.
• 42:19
  Wands at a discount.
• 42:21
  Wavy and abatable.
• 42:23
  How can I help you today?
• 42:26
  Are they all wands?
• 42:27
  Like everything on display is at a wand?
• 42:29
  Oh, of course not.
• 42:30
  We have some presents too.
• 42:32
  But most people come here for the wands.
• 42:34
  And I go find Gavin for a different store.
• 42:37
  Do you do magic item appraises here?
• 42:40
  Or certainly.
• 42:41
  Oh, never mind.
• 42:42
  Well, I do like me to take a look at--
• 42:44
  I've got this magic item, and I have no idea what it does.
• 42:47
  Well, let's me--
• 42:48
  let's take a look.
• 42:49
  I found it on a voyage.
• 42:51
  Give me just a moment to check my pricing seat.
• 42:54
  Seat?
• 42:55
  Seat?
• 42:56
  Seat.
• 42:56
  Like a chair?
• 42:59
  A pricing chair?
• 43:00
  That's it.
• 43:00
  Does he sit?
• 43:01
  Does he sit in a ponder?
• 43:04
  No.
• 43:05
  Oh.
• 43:08
  What would you say that?
• 43:09
  Confused how this pricing seat works.
• 43:12
  Oh, it's a seat.
• 43:13
  That's what I'm saying.
• 43:15
  What do you think I'm hearing?
• 43:18
  Is it like a stool?
• 43:19
  No, it's a seat, and he holds up a piece of paper.
• 43:21
  A seat, a seat.
• 43:22
  Give me the item.
• 43:24
  Yeah, here, I hand him--
• 43:26
  I think we got a couple--
• 43:30
  I hand him my chest.
• 43:32
  OK.
• 43:33
  Mackie, come on in.
• 43:35
  All right, let me give them all out.
• 43:36
  If you--
• 43:38
  I place my three things on the counter, the tile and whatnot.
• 43:43
  OK.
• 43:44
  Wait, do you give him the eyeglass, too?
• 43:46
  All right, I take that off and--
• 43:48
  Do you have anything, Keto?
• 43:50
  He's a good boy.
• 43:51
  But whistle.
• 43:51
  I'm going to pull out his whistle and say,
• 43:53
  I think I know what this does, and he just
• 43:55
  blows the whistle in the middle of the--
• 43:56
  Jesus.
• 43:57
  Oh, this is terrible.
• 44:04
  This is a horrible thing.
• 44:06
  So do you have to--
• 44:07
  I'd play that one.
• 44:08
  These are all simple trinkets, common magical items.
• 44:12
  10 gold piece, I'll tell you what they all do.
• 44:14
  For all three?
• 44:16
  Certainly.
• 44:17
  All four, it's both.
• 44:17
  And this compass, too.
• 44:19
  Oh, yeah.
• 44:20
  And if I go--
• 44:21
  sorry.
• 44:22
  He has his eyes like bulged out of his head.
• 44:25
  He has trick classes.
• 44:28
  And then they go--
• 44:29
  Tracking.
• 44:30
  Takes the glasses off.
• 44:33
  And then he says-- he looks at it and goes, oh, wait,
• 44:35
  that's not what I thought it was.
• 44:36
  OK.
• 44:38
  Anyways, yes, 10 gold pieces, please.
• 44:41
  If you be so kind.
• 44:42
  Yeah, 10 gold pieces.
• 44:44
  He says, OK, which one would you like me to start with?
• 44:47
  Mine, mine, mine.
• 44:48
  Then I'll go with the dragon.
• 44:49
  We're greedy little cops than you are.
• 44:51
  Guilty.
• 44:54
  Which one did you push in front of?
• 44:55
  The dragon chest.
• 44:56
  The chest piece.
• 44:57
  Oh, this is a glass chest piece.
• 44:59
  [LAUGHTER]
• 45:02
  No.
• 45:03
  No.
• 45:04
  No.
• 45:06
  Next thing you do.
• 45:10
  Next, please.
• 45:11
  [LAUGHTER]
• 45:15
  No!
• 45:16
  No!
• 45:18
  Oh, don't worry.
• 45:19
  Devon!
• 45:20
  [LAUGHTER]
• 45:21
  It's magical.
• 45:22
  It's certainly magical.
• 45:23
  Now, keep in mind, Mr. Goblin, this is a one-time use item.
• 45:29
  Oh, good thing you're aware.
• 45:31
  One and done?
• 45:32
  Yes, this thing all used for good thing I did next time.
• 45:34
  No, recharge it.
• 45:36
  Thank goodness it wasn't a blow.
• 45:38
  What?
• 45:38
  I didn't blow it.
• 45:39
  Get it?
• 45:41
  Since you guys are new customers,
• 45:42
  I gave you a bit of a discount because it's actually uncommon.
• 45:46
  Oh, this is uncommon.
• 45:46
  This one's uncommon.
• 45:48
  What's it do?
• 45:48
  Well, you break it.
• 45:49
  And then it becomes a--
• 45:52
  it becomes a bishop that fights by your side.
• 45:55
  Because what?
• 45:55
  A bishop.
• 45:56
  [LAUGHTER]
• 45:58
  A-- a bishop.
• 46:00
  A bishop.
• 46:01
  Ha ha.
• 46:01
  A bishop.
• 46:02
  [LAUGHTER]
• 46:04
  So is-- is that what your seat told you?
• 46:08
  No, that's what my eyes told me.
• 46:10
  OK, it turns into a--
• 46:12
  A bishop.
• 46:12
  A bishop.
• 46:13
  What do you not understand it?
• 46:15
  By my side.
• 46:16
  Does this-- this--
• 46:17
  This--
• 46:18
  What does--
• 46:18
  Does this please you?
• 46:20
  How much does it hot for him?
• 46:22
  Oh, it can only move diagonally.
• 46:25
  But it'll fight for you.
• 46:26
  I think I got it.
• 46:27
  You can--
• 46:28
  How long does it last for?
• 46:30
  Um, until it dies.
• 46:32
  Wait, really?
• 46:33
  Yes.
• 46:35
  Which would probably be pretty quickly,
• 46:37
  depending on what you're fighting.
• 46:38
  I guess.
• 46:39
  But if it lives, it just kind of keeps living, doesn't it?
• 46:42
  No, no, no, best friend.
• 46:45
  You got to be careful on where you go,
• 46:47
  because it can only move diagonally.
• 46:49
  So--
• 46:50
  That's true.
• 46:50
  Yeah.
• 46:51
  It could be real stuck.
• 46:52
  I could turn him.
• 46:53
  Oh, you could do that.
• 46:55
  That's an excellent idea.
• 46:56
  All right, do the compass next.
• 46:58
  All right, this compass--
• 46:59
  this is not what I thought it was, so it's chill.
• 47:02
  What do you think it was?
• 47:03
  Uh, oh, a very powerful compass that I've never
• 47:06
  seen in my life before, with incredible powers.
• 47:09
  Anyways, this one's pretty mundane.
• 47:11
  This one will always point you in the direction
• 47:14
  of the nearest source of water.
• 47:16
  So if you're ever thirsty, follow this compass.
• 47:19
  It's called the Mariner's Compass.
• 47:21
  Many mariners use it.
• 47:23
  I don't know why.
• 47:23
  They're usually surrounded by water.
• 47:26
  Does it point down?
• 47:27
  No, but it just starts spinning if you're in the water.
• 47:30
  That makes sense, actually.
• 47:32
  Because it's all around you.
• 47:33
  I got it.
• 47:34
  Yes, I--
• 47:34
  Pirate by trade.
• 47:36
  Congratulations.
• 47:38
  If you like your job, then--
• 47:39
  or condolences if you don't.
• 47:41
  Which one's the next?
• 47:43
  Oh, by the way, if you're ever trying to navigate the sea,
• 47:47
  even though it's spinning it, it can be of great use.
• 47:50
  While this shop owner is inspecting these items,
• 47:55
  I want to try and pocket three ones.
• 47:58
  Specifically three?
• 47:59
  Specifically three.
• 48:00
  OK.
• 48:01
  All right.
• 48:02
  Can you patch them?
• 48:04
  Can you what?
• 48:04
  Like, make them into patches on his cloak?
• 48:07
  You might be able to sneak them in.
• 48:08
  I don't know if you can make patches?
• 48:10
  That's a good question.
• 48:11
  I'd have to look at the--
• 48:13
  this is why I like to imagine it as a cargo cloak.
• 48:16
  Right.
• 48:17
  Because it's true.
• 48:18
  I mean, it does have a limited number of the pockets
• 48:22
  that you had on it, right?
• 48:24
  Because you had to pay per pocket.
• 48:26
  No.
• 48:27
  Well, not for the starting.
• 48:29
  Like, you got it as is with the starting pockets that it had.
• 48:31
  And then he had given you the option
• 48:33
  to spend more tickets on more pockets.
• 48:37
  Oh, yeah, yes, that's true.
• 48:38
  I forgot.
• 48:39
  I remember--
• 48:40
  which, I mean, in theory, you could continue to add to it.
• 48:43
  I will check on the item.
• 48:45
  But honestly, that does sound kind of cool.
• 48:47
  If you've already withdrawn the item from its patch,
• 48:50
  it'd be kind of cool to be able to put something in a pocket.
• 48:53
  And then the pocket becomes a new patch.
• 48:57
  Should be kind of neat.
• 48:58
  Yeah, we can definitely keep that.
• 48:59
  Anyway, but for the three magic ones,
• 49:02
  do me a stealth check at advantage,
• 49:05
  because he is distracted.
• 49:07
  Stealth at advantage.
• 49:09
  Oh, good.
• 49:09
  I'm good at these.
• 49:10
  Noice.
• 49:13
  26.
• 49:14
  Ooh, 26.
• 49:15
  OK, yes.
• 49:16
  You manage to-- as you're kind of like looking through the aisles,
• 49:19
  you manage to pocket three wands that were on display.
• 49:24
  You don't know what they do.
• 49:25
  They're not-- nothing in here is labeled.
• 49:27
  OK.
• 49:28
  It's one of those, like, old person shops
• 49:30
  where they just assume that if you have questions,
• 49:31
  you're going to come ask.
• 49:32
  It's not made for the average millennial or younger.
• 49:35
  I almost want to bring up a wand and act
• 49:38
  like it was in my backpack the whole time and be like,
• 49:41
  excuse me, I'm going to tell me how--
• 49:43
  oh, this thing looks familiar.
• 49:45
  What's the next item on the counter?
• 49:48
  The tile.
• 49:50
  The tile.
• 49:51
  Ooh, this is a fun one right here.
• 49:53
  This is a tile that can replace the floor in a 20-foot radius
• 49:57
  around it with a specific material of your choosing.
• 50:02
  You can change the material, the texture,
• 50:06
  and the color of this section.
• 50:08
  And it lasts for five minutes.
• 50:10
  How does he use it?
• 50:11
  Well, jeez, you just said you wanted them identified.
• 50:14
  You didn't ask me strategic thought.
• 50:17
  No, I mean, like, does he just toss the ground?
• 50:20
  Yes, you toss it on the dirt.
• 50:21
  You think the material in your mind
• 50:23
  of where you want to change it through the color, the material,
• 50:26
  the texture.
• 50:27
  And then you throw it on the ground,
• 50:28
  and it turns the ground into that for five minutes.
• 50:33
  You like my chess piece and its one-time use?
• 50:36
  That is correct.
• 50:37
  It was tatter, afterwards.
• 50:39
  Satter, I said.
• 50:40
  Tatter?
• 50:41
  Tatter.
• 50:42
  I think it's tatter?
• 50:43
  No, satter.
• 50:44
  Satter.
• 50:45
  Sir, are you making fun of me?
• 50:47
  Are you mocking my voice or something?
• 50:50
  I'm going to lean to Maki and whisper.
• 50:52
  Did he say Saturn?
• 50:55
  No, yeah, it'll shatter.
• 50:56
  No, no, he's not mocking your voice.
• 50:58
  He's just all--
• 50:59
  I'm so sorry.
• 51:01
  Your speed has been reduced.
• 51:05
  Oh, that makes so much more sense now.
• 51:08
  Anyway, what's this last item?
• 51:10
  He's got Doomwalk Monocle here.
• 51:12
  Oh, yes, this Monocle.
• 51:13
  This is fun.
• 51:14
  This would-- this, in fact, would be something very useful
• 51:17
  in my line of work.
• 51:18
  See, you can-- once a day, you have the charge inside of it.
• 51:23
  So it's reusable.
• 51:24
  And like many of the other items you've shown me so far.
• 51:28
  What it allows you to do is you click this piece
• 51:31
  right here.
• 51:32
  He doesn't click it, but he just points at it.
• 51:34
  And it allows you to perceive magical items
• 51:37
  as if you had used a detect magic spell.
• 51:40
  It lasts for 10 minutes.
• 51:42
  Snifty.
• 51:43
  And then it just becomes the normal piece of eyewear
• 51:45
  until the charges restore the next sunrise.
• 51:49
  Still stylish.
• 51:50
  Now you--
• 51:50
  Yes, and it looks quite stylish.
• 51:52
  You could twist it right or left.
• 51:55
  Maki twists it all the way to the right.
• 51:57
  Does it do anything different if you go the opposite direction?
• 52:00
  No, it only goes one way.
• 52:03
  Maki just got her first try.
• 52:05
  Then I got this button.
• 52:07
  There's a button.
• 52:08
  Whoa, look at that.
• 52:09
  Oh, this can summon a familiar.
• 52:11
  Do you like familiars?
• 52:13
  Another one?
• 52:14
  Would you like a feathery friend?
• 52:16
  Yeah, I suppose, yeah.
• 52:18
  Oh, well, this will make one for you.
• 52:20
  Please, not in my shop, though, if you wouldn't mind.
• 52:22
  Is it one-time use as well?
• 52:24
  No, this is a familiar that can come back.
• 52:26
  It's just probably not going to be the most useful thing
• 52:29
  in the world.
• 52:30
  Oh.
• 52:31
  It's probably just a bird.
• 52:33
  New best friend.
• 52:35
  Birds on a feather.
• 52:38
  It's kind of strange if you're a bird with a pet bird.
• 52:41
  It seems wrong.
• 52:44
  But hey, I'm just a crazy wizard, man.
• 52:47
  Wizard?
• 52:49
  I said wizard.
• 52:51
  Oh, sorry.
• 52:53
  Anyway, what's left?
• 52:55
  What's left?
• 52:55
  We've got to keep this moving.
• 52:56
  I've got other customers on the store.
• 52:58
  We're the only ones.
• 52:59
  Yes, sir.
• 53:00
  Oh, there's got to be other customers.
• 53:02
  Excuse me, there's other customers.
• 53:04
  Yes, we're here.
• 53:06
  We're still shopping.
• 53:07
  Please don't call us on us.
• 53:10
  Somebody's off in the distance.
• 53:12
  I'm going to go off to the distance.
• 53:14
  Don't harass my other customers, sir.
• 53:17
  Don't make fun of their voices like he's made fun of mine.
• 53:20
  And while I'm walking around the other area where he can't see me,
• 53:24
  can I just start sliding wands into my bag of holding?
• 53:27
  Sliding wands?
• 53:28
  Yeah.
• 53:30
  Give me-- actually, I probably should take just a couple.
• 53:33
  So it's not obvious.
• 53:34
  I'll just take four.
• 53:36
  Oh, wow.
• 53:36
  OK.
• 53:37
  Max.
• 53:37
  The holding.
• 53:38
  The holding.
• 53:38
  D4, yeah.
• 53:39
  Slide of hand at 15.
• 53:43
  OK, you get two of them.
• 53:45
  Fair enough.
• 53:46
  And then did you have your whistle?
• 53:50
  Yes.
• 53:50
  Please turn off that racket.
• 53:52
  It's horrible.
• 53:53
  I don't know how.
• 53:54
  Yeah, if you just will it, they'll stop.
• 53:57
  He will stop it?
• 53:58
  And then placement will be the--
• 54:00
  Who is the maker?
• 54:01
  See what is love, so--
• 54:02
  Go home, my word.
• 54:04
  Oh, this is horrible.
• 54:05
  This is a terrible thing.
• 54:10
  That's the way Zemoi's holding now.
• 54:11
  Oh, this is a horrible thing.
• 54:13
  No, he doesn't even touch it.
• 54:15
  Please keep that away from me.
• 54:16
  It's a terrible, terrible thing.
• 54:18
  It's cursed.
• 54:18
  He pulls out a giant hand.
• 54:19
  It's cursed.
• 54:20
  It's cursed.
• 54:21
  It's cursed.
• 54:22
  It's truly cursed.
• 54:24
  Those imps that you're summoning,
• 54:26
  they can play all thought the music.
• 54:27
  It's quite impressive, but beware.
• 54:30
  Beware they are very critical.
• 54:31
  Try-- do you play any instruments there?
• 54:39
  I'm in the distance here.
• 54:40
  Yes.
• 54:41
  I wasn't asking you.
• 54:42
  Hey.
• 54:43
  Do you know a good song?
• 54:45
  Me?
• 54:46
  Yes.
• 54:46
  Apparently not.
• 54:49
  What is your favorite song?
• 54:51
  Don't play it with the imps.
• 54:52
  I'm trying to teach you something.
• 54:54
  I mean, he's going to want you in-game to sing a song.
• 54:57
  Oh, good.
• 54:57
  You don't have to do a lot of--
• 54:59
  Keto the singer.
• 55:00
  You just start singing what is love.
• 55:02
  I will start singing what is love.
• 55:04
  OK, you start singing what is love.
• 55:05
  Do-- do-- roll a D4.
• 55:08
  I'm going to slap you.
• 55:10
  What?
• 55:10
  That's perfect.
• 55:12
  All of a sudden, the imps appear,
• 55:14
  and they start playing over top of you,
• 55:17
  and they all are staring at you just glaring with these eyes
• 55:21
  of you suck so bad.
• 55:23
  It's basically exactly what they did to Rorik today.
• 55:26
  They're all just glaring.
• 55:27
  And the more you continue to sing,
• 55:29
  they start to bear down on you, getting closer and closer,
• 55:33
  and playing their instruments more intensely.
• 55:35
  And he says, see the evil, the curse.
• 55:38
  The curse, and now you're cursed too.
• 55:41
  Cursed with what?
• 55:42
  For good time, Rorik tells you.
• 55:44
  You'll never be able to perform to their liking.
• 55:46
  They'll always glare at you like the disappointed father
• 55:49
  we all have had.
• 55:50
  Just like my wife.
• 55:52
  Well, that's about what I thought it was, so thank you.
• 55:55
  So you stop performing.
• 55:57
  And as you stop performing, they disappear.
• 56:00
  Beware, beware those singing imps.
• 56:04
  They're the truest evil, straight from the pits of hell
• 56:07
  itself.
• 56:09
  Even Hades doesn't want them there.
• 56:12
  Hades was driven to madness by those imps,
• 56:16
  and that damned whistle.
• 56:18
  And that's all the magic items that you guys have, yes?
• 56:22
  I mean, Jackson's got a couple new ones, but I've got three
• 56:24
  ones, but he can't see them.
• 56:26
  Exactly.
• 56:28
  Well, if that's the case, you guys all
• 56:30
  done it the wacky, wave-able--
• 56:31
  wave-able--
• 56:32
  No.
• 56:34
  Hey, you got any--
• 56:35
  looking for some supplies?
• 56:38
  What kind of supplies?
• 56:39
  Supplies for a sort of ritual.
• 56:42
  Oh, making a ritual.
• 56:43
  Making a homonculi.
• 56:45
  Yeah, so do you have like a virgin and--
• 56:49
  You're making a--
• 56:50
  A homonculi.
• 56:51
  Well, then--
• 56:52
  Homonculos.
• 56:54
  He looks back and forth, and he says, well, just so you're
• 56:58
  aware, usually that's a bit of a darker magic.
• 57:01
  I wouldn't go shouting that everywhere.
• 57:04
  Well, that's why my voice is lower.
• 57:06
  Oh, yes.
• 57:07
  Well, admittedly, you came to the right place,
• 57:10
  because I could sell you some discount items that you could
• 57:13
  potentially use for your creations.
• 57:18
  Can I-- can I walk up behind the mocking,
• 57:23
  and be like, hey, mocking?
• 57:25
  He-- he--
• 57:26
  Oh, please.
• 57:28
  Are you sure you want to talk about that?
• 57:29
  There's apparently another customer in here that I just
• 57:32
  can't seem to find.
• 57:33
  Oh, it's about to find us away.
• 57:35
  I'm sure they can't hear us.
• 57:36
  Excuse me.
• 57:37
  Have you been hearing us whisper?
• 57:40
  Oh, no.
• 57:41
  I haven't heard a single thing.
• 57:43
  There we are.
• 57:43
  OK.
• 57:44
  OK, then.
• 57:45
  So let me ask you, what ingredients are you looking for?
• 57:49
  At what point do you have your-- do you have your mandrake, Ruth?
• 57:53
  No, I need a mandrake.
• 57:55
  Oh, I do sell discount mandrakes.
• 57:58
  They're a little small, a little underdeveloped,
• 58:01
  but they'll make it in the pints.
• 58:04
  I'm sure what they'll write, or love and care could grow in--
• 58:07
  Oh, of course.
• 58:08
  They love love and care.
• 58:10
  Well, Alvanita, you got any eggs?
• 58:14
  No, you'll have to try the grocery store for that.
• 58:17
  It's hard to keep them fresh.
• 58:18
  The only eggs I usually have is just for my breakfast.
• 58:22
  I'm pretty sure Lil Sauce had some in his fridge.
• 58:25
  No, I need some viable eggs.
• 58:28
  If this was a racist man, he would look at Maki,
• 58:32
  and he would look at Dez, and he would say,
• 58:36
  well, can't you make him yourself?
• 58:38
  [LAUGHTER]
• 58:42
  Dez opens his mouth and holds up a finger,
• 58:46
  and then says his mouth, and starts to think about it.
• 58:50
  Well, I don't have much luck with the ladies.
• 58:54
  I need some--
• 58:55
  [LAUGHTER]
• 58:57
  Actually, yeah, I just need the mandrake.
• 58:59
  That'll be good.
• 59:00
  Oh, certainly, certainly.
• 59:01
  And he goes to the back, and he comes back,
• 59:03
  and he brings out-- it's already in a jar.
• 59:06
  It's got a lid on it, and then the thing is inside.
• 59:09
  And it is a bit shriveled.
• 59:11
  It is alive.
• 59:12
  You can tell that it's alive, but it does look small,
• 59:15
  and frail for a mandrake root.
• 59:17
  It's not like a big, healthy, thick mandrake root.
• 59:21
  Ethan says, well, this'll be two gold pieces.
• 59:26
  Make it one.
• 59:28
  Why?
• 59:28
  It's weak.
• 59:29
  It's shriveled.
• 59:30
  It's already discounted.
• 59:31
  These will normally go for five.
• 59:34
  That's what I do here.
• 59:35
  I sell wacky, wave-able, abatable ones,
• 59:38
  and I also sell discount magic items.
• 59:42
  I don't mind buying it.
• 59:43
  I'll buy it.
• 59:44
  All right.
• 59:44
  I'll throw it in the jar, after all.
• 59:46
  Yes, it is in the jar.
• 59:47
  You don't want to take it out unless you're ready to use it.
• 59:50
  Oh, it's creepy.
• 59:50
  You can just use the jar since you're making a creation.
• 59:55
  And he winks at you.
• 59:56
  Do you need anything else?
• 59:57
  Any materials?
• 59:59
  Any gemstones, perhaps?
• 1:00:02
  I have fragments.
• 1:00:04
  Do you have any--
• 1:00:06
  any material-- oh, any target materials that could come in handy?
• 1:00:11
  Oh, certainly I have all sorts of target materials.
• 1:00:15
  Would anything in particular-- are you looking for anything specific?
• 1:00:19
  You got any X-beak.
• 1:00:22
  Um, let me go check.
• 1:00:24
  One thousand dragon.
• 1:00:26
  You got any--
• 1:00:27
  Oh, no, I don't carry dragon.
• 1:00:29
  This is far too expensive.
• 1:00:31
  Sorry, but X-beak, I might.
• 1:00:33
  Let me see.
• 1:00:34
  And you hear him go into the back,
• 1:00:36
  and he's rummaging around in a bunch of his stuff.
• 1:00:38
  And then he returns.
• 1:00:39
  And he says, oh, look at that.
• 1:00:40
  I do, in fact, have an X-beak beak.
• 1:00:43
  He said it perchance what you were looking for.
• 1:00:45
  Yeah.
• 1:00:46
  Well, certainly I could sell to you for one gold piece.
• 1:00:50
  All right, done.
• 1:00:52
  Well, there you go.
• 1:00:53
  Enjoy your X-beak beak.
• 1:00:54
  The biggiest of axes.
• 1:00:57
  Or the axiest of beaks.
• 1:00:59
  Pleasure doing business.
• 1:01:01
  Well, say, how did you-- if I may ask you quickly,
• 1:01:04
  how did you find out about such a creation?
• 1:01:08
  Yeah, I read about it.
• 1:01:12
  You found a book that mentions such creations.
• 1:01:18
  By chance, where did you find such a book?
• 1:01:21
  Oh, friend of a friend.
• 1:01:23
  A friend of a friend.
• 1:01:24
  I see, I see, I see.
• 1:01:26
  Well, if you're ever interested in sharing notes,
• 1:01:30
  or maybe talking a little bit more,
• 1:01:32
  I'd love to discuss these creations.
• 1:01:37
  All right, well, I'll keep you in mind then.
• 1:01:39
  That sounds fantastic.
• 1:01:41
  Well, you all have a wonderful day.
• 1:01:44
  Enjoy your interesting trinkets that you are now
• 1:01:47
  aware of how to use.
• 1:01:49
  What was your name?
• 1:01:50
  Oh, yes, my name is Gareth Stevenson.
• 1:01:55
  Speggolius Spess.
• 1:01:57
  Excuse me, sir, what have I said about making
• 1:01:59
  front of my axe and--
• 1:02:00
  Sorry.
• 1:02:01
  All right, Gareth.
• 1:02:02
  Well, nice talk to you.
• 1:02:04
  Oh, it was a wonder talking to you,
• 1:02:05
  and seriously, think about what I said.
• 1:02:09
  Feel free to stop by anytime.
• 1:02:12
  And with that, you guys head out of wacky,
• 1:02:15
  wave-able, abatable, wacky, wavy, abatable wands.
• 1:02:19
  As Keel is crossing the threshold,
• 1:02:21
  he toots his whistle once more, and in sync
• 1:02:25
  resounds around the shop and bye, bye, bye, please.
• 1:02:31
  And that is how it will end today's episode.
• 1:02:33
  [MUSIC PLAYING]
• 1:02:36
  Thank you so much for listening to "Criminals of Island
• 1:02:45
  Numus," a Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition actual play
• 1:02:48
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• 1:04:03
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• 1:04:05
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• 1:04:08
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• 1:04:10
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• 1:04:15
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