Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #465 How Criticism Affects Your Child

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#465 How Criticism Affects Your Child · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just answers Now. So, about six
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  Speaker 1: maybe twelve months ago, Kylie and I bought a new
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  Speaker 1: car for our family, and we didn't buy anything flash,
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  Speaker 1: but we just it's a station wagon and unfortunately for us,
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  Speaker 1: it takes that premium ninety eight octane fuel. And when
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  Speaker 1: I say unfortunately, you know what I mean, right, because
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  Speaker 1: if you've had to fill up your car in the
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  Speaker 1: last week, how much is that hurting right now? Ouch? Hello,
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  Speaker 1: this is doctor Justin Coulson. I'm the founder of Happy
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  Speaker 1: Families dot com dot au and I'm grateful to be
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  Speaker 1: able to share this podcast with you today. Unfortunately, Kylie
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  Speaker 1: can't be with me again because of the whole house
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  Speaker 1: moving thing, and it's just well it's a little bit
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  Speaker 1: taxing and a little bit challenging. But today I wanted to
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  Speaker 1: just share one simple thought about making your family happier
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  Speaker 1: now and then come across a statement, usually online on
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  Speaker 1: social media, one of those things that you know when
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  Speaker 1: you read it, just go oh wow, like oof sort
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  Speaker 1: of thing. It kind of hurts a bit, maybe even
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  Speaker 1: metaphorically knocks the wind out of you. At least psychologically
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  Speaker 1: shakes you up, makes you evaluate how you're going and
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  Speaker 1: where you can improve. And just recently I came across
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  Speaker 1: one that did that to me. I had to share
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  Speaker 1: it with you. It says, and I quote, when you
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  Speaker 1: criticize a child, they don't stop loving you, they stop
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  Speaker 1: loving themselves. I'll say that again, when you criticize a child,
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  Speaker 1: they don't stop loving you, they stop loving themselves. Now,
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  Speaker 1: I did a little search and scour of the internet
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  Speaker 1: to try to find somebody that I could cite who
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  Speaker 1: said it, but it seems to have been said by
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  Speaker 1: a million people, which I think is kind of one
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  Speaker 1: of those things that happens on social media. I want
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  Speaker 1: to say that it comes from l. R. Nost because
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  Speaker 1: she came up quite a lot with that one, but
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  Speaker 1: it could be any number of others that also came
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  Speaker 1: up with it. So I just want to acknowledge I
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  Speaker 1: didn't make it up myself, but I'm not exactly sure
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  Speaker 1: it came from. But a quick thought on that statement,
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  Speaker 1: our children will often see themselves as as valuable or
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  Speaker 1: otherwise based on how they're treated, particularly how they're treated
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  Speaker 1: by us as their parents. So when they feel love
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  Speaker 1: and acceptance. They feel lovable and they feel acceptable. But
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  Speaker 1: when our love is contingent and conditional, they feel that
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  Speaker 1: they're only valuable people when they're doing quote unquote the
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  Speaker 1: right thing, and that promotes insecurity and feelings of self
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  Speaker 1: loathing and pity. And then their behavior deteriorates. Why because
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  Speaker 1: they feel like they're insecure and self loathing and they
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  Speaker 1: don't feel like they're that good, and it reflects on
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  Speaker 1: how they perceive their value. So what I thought would
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  Speaker 1: be valuable is to flip that statement around give ourselves
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  Speaker 1: a positive focus for the day or for the week.
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  Speaker 1: When you help a child feel that they matter and belong,
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  Speaker 1: not only are they drawn to you because of your love,
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  Speaker 1: but they feel worthy of that love and they act accordingly.
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  Speaker 1: There's something to think about as you go throughout your week.
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  Speaker 1: It's their Happy Families podcasts for a happier family, Try
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  Speaker 1: a Happy Families membership because a happy family just happened.
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  Speaker 1: Details at happy families dot com dot au. It's the
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  Speaker 1: Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time poor parent
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  Speaker 1: who just wants answers Now. Kylie will be back with
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  Speaker 1: me tomorrow for our usual I'll do Better Tomorrow, which
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  Speaker 1: is what happens every single Friday. But just before we
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  Speaker 1: wrap up the podcast today, I wanted to make a
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  Speaker 1: mention of something that so many people are finding incredibly valuable.
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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families memberships. Now, don't fast forward the podcast.
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  Speaker 1: Hear me out for a second. If you're already a
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  Speaker 1: Happy Family's member, you know how good this thing is
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  Speaker 1: and you know how much value value it gives you
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  Speaker 1: in your family. But for those of you who are not,
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  Speaker 1: I want to just emphasize a couple of things that
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  Speaker 1: we do in the membership to make your family happier.
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  Speaker 1: When you take out a Happy Family's Premium membership, it's
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  Speaker 1: like eighteen bucks a month one hundred and eighty dollars
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  Speaker 1: for a year. We give you two months for free.
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  Speaker 1: With the annual membership, Oh, you can do month by
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  Speaker 1: month with a minimum of three. You get twenty percent
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  Speaker 1: off all of our summits and twenty percent off all
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  Speaker 1: of our master classes. That's a really big saving because
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  Speaker 1: those summits and master classes usually come in somewhere around
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  Speaker 1: about two hundred bucks two hundred and fifty bucks, so
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  Speaker 1: you're already getting twenty percent off that plus with the
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  Speaker 1: early bird specials, you get twenty percent off the early bird,
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  Speaker 1: so you can really get it for like, instead of
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  Speaker 1: two hundred and fifty, can get it for about one
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  Speaker 1: hundred and twenty. It's a huge saving. And we've got
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  Speaker 1: a summit coming up in a few weeks time that
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  Speaker 1: you are going to be stoked about. I can't wait
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  Speaker 1: to tell you more, but I've got to wait about
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  Speaker 1: one more week before i can tell you all about
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  Speaker 1: the summit. So one big summit coming up, big discounts
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  Speaker 1: for all of our members. On top of that, though,
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  Speaker 1: you get a monthly webinar, and if you're a Premium member,
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  Speaker 1: you also get access to all of the previous webinars
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  Speaker 1: that we've done. And I'm talking there's thousands of dollars
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  Speaker 1: worth of webinars in that video library about every topic
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  Speaker 1: that you can imagine. They're all there, and you get
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  Speaker 1: it for the eighteen bucks a month or one hundred
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  Speaker 1: and eighty dollars a year. I mean, not that I
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  Speaker 1: would encourage you to do it, but you could sign
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  Speaker 1: up for three months and pay like fifty four dollars
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  Speaker 1: and literally download and watch I don't know a couple
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  Speaker 1: of thousand dollars worth of content. You could get a
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  Speaker 1: PhD in paarenting for like fifty dollars through the membership.
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  Speaker 1: So I wanted to mention that we also do a
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  Speaker 1: monthly Q and A and then every other week. Instead
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  Speaker 1: of a Q and A, we do these things called
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  Speaker 1: parent panels, and I bring in experts to do some
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  Speaker 1: Q and A stuff as well. Now and then so
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  Speaker 1: much value in the membership, so many other things that
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  Speaker 1: we do on top of what I've just mentioned. And
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  Speaker 1: if you haven't checked it out, can I just ask
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  Speaker 1: you to have a look you don't, Actually, I just
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  Speaker 1: want to raise it as something to look at. Happy
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  Speaker 1: families dot com dot you just click on the member
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  Speaker 1: resources and they'll take you into the membership or happy
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  Speaker 1: families dot com dot u slash join. I wanted to
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  Speaker 1: give a bit of a plug for it because I
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  Speaker 1: think that you'll get so much value out of it.
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  Speaker 1: It really does make a difference. Testimonials galore from families
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  Speaker 1: that have been changed because they get the regular weekly,
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  Speaker 1: fortnightly and monthly reminders, plus the summits and the workshops
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  Speaker 1: at such huge discounts. Anyway, that's it for today. I
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  Speaker 1: can't wait for tomorrow's I'll do better tomorrow, Kylie and
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  Speaker 1: I've got some great ideas to share with you about
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  Speaker 1: how you can do better tomorrow in your family. As always,
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  Speaker 1: we appreciate justin role on our producer from Bridge Media,
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  Speaker 1: and Craig Bruce, our executive producer. If you'd like more
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  Speaker 1: info about making your family happier and particularly those Happy
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  Speaker 1: Families memberships, find it all at happy families dot com
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  Speaker 1: dot au