Latest / UNMASKED with Wesley Farnsworth / EP 65 - The Danger of Putting People on Pedestals

Transcript

EP 65 - The Danger of Putting People on Pedestals · UNMASKED with Wesley Farnsworth

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  I think one of the quickest ways we get hurt is by expecting
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  people to carry weight that they were never meant to carry.
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  I think we do this so all the time.
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  We put people on pedestals. Our pastors, leaders, authors,
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  speakers, parents, mentors, and sometimes even ourselves.
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  We elevate people so high that we stop seeing them as human.
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  And the problem with pedestals is this.
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  Eventually everyone falls off. Not because they're evil and not
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  because they were trying to deceive anybody, but because
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  they're people. They're human.
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  And when they fall, sometimes our faith falls with them.
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  Our trust falls with them, our expectations fall with them, and
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  I think part of maturity is learning how to admire people
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  without making them responsible for carrying our expectations of
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  perfection. Welcome to Unmask, where we take
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  off the filters and get real about faith, failure and finding
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  freedom. I'm your host, Wesley
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  Farnsworth, a dad, veteran, author, and a man who's learned
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  that God does his best work in the middle of our mess.
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  Each episode will have honest conversations with people who
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  have walked through addiction, pain, or doubt, and with
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  pastors, leaders, and everyday believers who are learning to
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  live and lead authentically. So take a breath, pull up a
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  chair, and let's get real. This is unmasked.
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  See, I don't think most people intentionally put others on
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  pedestals. I think we do it because we're
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  looking for certainty. We want examples, we want
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  leaders, we want people that we can trust.
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  And there's nothing wrong with that.
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  But somewhere along the way, admiration becomes idolization.
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  Respect becomes expectation and before long we stop seeing the
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  person and we only see the role. Pastor, youth leader, mentor,
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  influencer, author, and the role becomes bigger than the humanity
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  underneath it. And the problem with that is
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  that humans were never designed to carry perfection.
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  Not pastors, not ministry leaders, not parents, and not
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  even you. And honestly, I think ministry
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  people feel this deeply because people often relate to the role
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  while forgetting the person the pastor becomes the pastor.
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  Not a husband, not a father, not someone who struggles, not
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  somebody who gets tired. Just the role, the pastor.
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  And that pressure can become crushing because eventually
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  people stop allowing leaders to be human, and leaders stop
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  allowing themselves to be human too.
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  And that is dangerous. Eventually something happens.
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  A leader struggles, a pastor fails, someone disappoints us,
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  and suddenly the pedestal breaks.
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  The pain is often bigger than the situation itself.
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  Because we weren't grieving a person, we were grieving an
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  image. The image of perfection, the
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  image of certainty, the image that we created.
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  Let that sit for a second. Because sometimes we're not
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  grieving who they were. We're grieving who we thought
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  they were, the image that we created.
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  And honestly, I think we do this with the Bible too.
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  Take Moses, for example. When most people think about
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  Moses, they think about the big things that he did.
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  They think about the parting of the Red Sea, the leadership, the
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  faith, the deliverance. We think about all of the
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  miracles, but we don't think about him as a human.
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  We don't think about the insecurities, the fear, the
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  excuses, the anger that he had. We forget that Moses literally
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  argued with God about being the wrong person.
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  We forget that he killed a man. We forget that he doubted that
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  he struggled. Because we like polished heroes.
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  But Scripture doesn't give us polished heroes.
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  It gives us human beings, broken people in a broken world,
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  complicated people, people that God used anyways.
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  And honestly, that should encourage us because when we
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  sanitize biblical characters, we accidentally create an
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  impossible standard. We read about David and we think
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  King, not adulterer, not grieving father, not broken man
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  writing desperate prayers. We think hero, not human, and
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  then we compare ourselves to the edited version and we lose hope.
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  But the Bible never hid people's failures.
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  We do that. God didn't think about that for
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  a second. Because I think the hardest
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  pedestal for us to climb off of sometimes is our own.
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  We don't just put people on there, we put ourselves on there
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  too. Especially men.
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  We create identities around being strong, reliable provider,
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  the one holding everything together.
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  And then we secretly believe we're not allowed to fail, not
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  allowed to struggle, not allowed to need help.
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  And so when weakness shows up, we panic because weakness feels
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  like identity, because weakness feels like the identity
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  collapse. But maybe the problem isn't
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  weakness. Maybe the problem is the
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  pedestal. I think there's a lot of men out
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  there listening prop that are exhausted because they're trying
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  to be unbreakable. They've made an agreement
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  internally. They've told themselves I can't
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  fall apart, I can't need help, I have to hold this together.
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  And that pressure is brutal because you can't keep it up.
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  Eventually, life reminds us that we're all human, we all get
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  tired, we all grieve, we all struggle, we all fail.
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  And if your identity depends on never failing or never falling,
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  life becomes terrifying. I think one reason authentic
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  leaders matter so much is because they remind us that
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  faith and humanity can coexist. You can love God and struggle at
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  the same time. You can lead and grieve.
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  You can serve and still need healing.
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  That matters because people don't need perfect leaders, they
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  need honest ones. And I think that's something the
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  church needs to hear because pastors are not machines.
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  Youth leaders are not machines. Ministry leaders are not
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  machines. They are people.
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  People with marriages, families, stress, grief, temptation,
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  questions. Do I need to go on?
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  And sometimes churches consume leaders while forgetting they're
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  human, and then act shocked when burnout happens or failure
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  happens. That doesn't excuse sin, but it
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  should create some compassion. The deepest danger of pedestals
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  is this. Sometimes people become our
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  faith. Oh, they don't do it
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  intentionally, but practically. Their leadership becomes our
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  stability. Their wisdom becomes our
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  confidence. Their example becomes our
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  anchor. And then when they fail, our
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  spiritual world collapses on itself because the pedestal was
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  held with too much weight on it. Only God was meant to carry that
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  kind of weight. Not pastors, not mentors, not
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  biblical heroes, and definitely not you.
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  So the one thing I love about Scripture is how human everyone
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  feels. Peter doubted.
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  Thomas questioned. Elijah burned out, David
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  grieved. Moses struggled.
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  But God used each and every single one of them anyway.
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  Not after they came became perfect, not after they became
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  perfect, but in the middle of their humanity.
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  Did you hear me there? He didn't wait for them to
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  become perfect to use them. He met them where they were at.
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  And that matters because some of you listening are probably
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  disqualifying yourselves over a normal human struggle.
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  I know I did. And maybe you don't need
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  perfection. Maybe you need permission to be
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  human. I want to stay here for a minute
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  because I think a lot of people listening have impossible
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  expectations for themselves. You expect yourself to always be
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  strong, always faithful, always composed, always growing, And
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  then when you struggle, you feel ashamed because somewhere along
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  the way you climbed onto your own pedestal and now you're
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  exhausted from trying not to fall off.
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  My friend, you are allowed to be human.
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  You are allowed to struggle. You are allowed to need people.
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  You are allowed to fail because failure is not your identity and
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  humanity is not a weakness. Healthy honor looks different.
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  It says I respect you, not I need you to be perfect.
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  It says I appreciate your leadership not my faith depends
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  on you. It says I admire what God has
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  done in your life, not your above being human.
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  That distinction matters because healthy honor creates grace and
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  pedestals create pressure. People, they're going to fail
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  with you. Leaders, I promise you will
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  disappoint you and I promise you that you at some point will
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  disappoint yourself. That's not cynicism, that's
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  humanity. And the goal isn't finding
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  perfect people. The goal is learning to keep
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  people human while keeping God holy.
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  So here's your action step this week.
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  Ask yourself this honestly, who have I placed on a pedestal?
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  Was it a pastor, A leader? A parent?
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  Yourself? And then ask yourself, what
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  weight am I expecting them to carry that only belongs to God?
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  And then sit with that, because freedom begins when people start
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  to become human again. Thanks for joining me today on
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  Unmasked. If something in this episode
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  spoke to you, don't let it stop with you.
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  Share it with the one person that God put on your heart while
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  you were listening because you never know whose breakthrough
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  might start with just a simple message from you.
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  If you want more encouragement, you want to work with me
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  one-on-one, or you're interested in having me speak at your
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  church or event, you can find everything@wesleyfarnsworth.com.
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  And make sure you join the Unmask community by connecting
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  with me on social media so that we can keep walking this journey
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  together. Until next time, remember that
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  grace is greater than your past, and real freedom, true freedom,
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  begins the moment that you choose to live unmasked.
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  God bless you.