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Love is on the Tuesdays…. · Murders to Music: Crime Scene to Music Scene (Streamline Events and Entertainment)

• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the Murders to Music Podcast.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: My name is Aaron.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, and thank you guys so much for coming back for another week of season three.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, this week's episode, I'm gonna open up a little bit and I'm going to be a little vulnerable in this episode.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I hope not to cry too much, maybe even at all, but I really want to talk about something that has been hitting me hard over the last, I don't know, couple of years, but man, it really seems like the last few months has really been uh hitting me different, right?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: And my daughter would say it just hits different.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I wanna I want to talk about this in um, I just want to open up, right?
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: And be honest.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the thing that I'm talking about is how there are lessons that are hidden in plain sight, if you will, in ordinary, everyday moments.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: And for years, you guys know my story.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, uh I spent decades carrying other people's tragedies from murder and child abuse, infidelity, broken homes, betrayal, and just this unimaginable loss.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: And then my career ended suddenly.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: And now I find myself at weddings standing in front of two people who make promises that say forever.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I stand in front of them every single weekend, and it affects me differently than I think it does most people, because I've spent so many years understanding that forever could only mean the next breath.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: And what happens between the moment of starting and the moment of finality really can vary.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: It can be moments of bliss and happiness and love, or it can be pain and tragedy, or it can be a mixture of both, or it could be a story of resiliency.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm smart enough and I have enough wisdom in this world to understand that while I don't doubt the promises they're making, I know that life is going to throw challenges at them and problems in their way, and it's how they navigate that that really determines when forever ends.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: Does it end with death?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: Does it end with one of the spouses dying?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: Or how does that final moment, however long it may be, be it very ephemeral, a very short-lived, like a life of a flower, or is it something long-term that lasts forever?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I really don't know.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: But here's what I'm getting at in this.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Every weekend, I get to stand in front of people who are promising to love forever.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: I've stood at hundreds of weddings, and I hear them promise faithfulness and to put each other first and to choose each other every single day.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: We've all been to the weddings and we've all heard this.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: And we hear it and it's a nicety.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: And we may connect with it on some level, but I think the amount of life that I feel I personally have lived, and the mistakes that I've made in marriage and in life and with my kids, I personally feel like every time I hear this, I almost want to turn my ears off so I don't have to hear it because it hurts, because it makes me self-reflect on my decisions in life and not that I'm a failure, but I think we all fall short in loving our other person.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: We all fall short in areas of life, right?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: And you think that after hearing this hundreds of times, these words would lose their meaning.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: But for me, they only become heavier every time I hear them.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: As a wedding entertainment professional, and I hate the term DJ, because that part, the DJing, the playing the music is such a small part of what I do at these events.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: But as a wedding entertainment professional or as somebody that helps produce these events, you know, people assume that I'm focused on the music and the timelines and the microphones, but instead, I'm really critically listening to what is going on around me.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm hearing the fathers give their daughters away.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm hearing the moms crying, I'm hearing siblings tell their stories.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: I hear pastors explaining the covenant of marriage.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: I hear people describing what real love looks like.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes, academically, from a textbook or from the Bible.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: People with very little experience in the big picture of love is explaining what love looks like.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I hear these things.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: And every weekend I take it home with me.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: It compiles and compounds in my head and in my heart, and I take this home.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: I think about as I'm hearing these things, and I think here about the father giving their daughters away this weekend.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: I had the amazing experience of working a wedding with a very dear friend of mine who gave his daughter away this weekend.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: And as I'm watching him give his speech and his toast and the tears that he's holding back, and in his voice, I know the pain that he is feeling because of what he has experienced in life and how lucky he is to be standing there in that moment to give his daughter away.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: As I hear the mothers crying, as I hear the siblings telling their stories, I think about my own kids, I think about giving my daughter away, I think about my boys, I think about the squabbles and the fights that they have, but at the end of the day, I know they love each other, even though sometimes they say they don't.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: I hear people describing what true love is, and I think about well, my wife.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: And every weekend I take that home with me.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: And every weekend, while it doesn't fall on deaf ears, it absorbs and it becomes heavier and heavier.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know, a wedding is like a mirror.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't want to first of all, I'm not a terrible husband, okay?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: But those ceremonies have become a mirror.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: As there are weekends where I drive home asking myself, am I loving my wife and my family the way that I promised?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: Am I present enough?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Have I let work consume me?
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: I have spent so many years saving strangers that I forgot to invest in the people waiting at home for me.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: Many of you can relate to that.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: I guarantee it.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: Especially if we have first responders, military, firefighters, business owners.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: You can relate to that.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: Have I?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: I have spent so many years saving strangers, working for the grind, putting dollars away.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's about the money, the promotion, whatever it may be that I forgot to invest in the people waiting at home.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I am lucky enough my family didn't write me off.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: I had the opportunity in the last month to talk to a daughter who essentially said she wrote her father off years ago.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: And these are people that I know, and that just resonated with me because I'm so thankful that didn't happen in my world, right?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: But these are the things that I think about in this mirror.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: As I look in this mirror of life and I see the reflection back upon myself, it makes as a human being, I can't help but wonder, I mean, am I worthy, right?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, have I done enough?
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not imposter syndrome, but it's like, man, I just you second guess everything.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: And as men, men, you guys listening to this out there, I know you get it.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: I know you understand what I'm saying.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: If you really take away the machismo and the bravado, and it's just you and me in this car as you drive down the road, and you think, man, I get it.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: I've made some really shitty decisions in my life that affected me.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes people know about them, sometimes they don't, whatever it is, you know.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: But at the end of the day, I chose myself first instead of the ones that I love.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: And then we wonder about why we are doing that?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: Is it success?
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: And success, guys, I'm here to tell you, is not the same as faithfulness.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: Society measures success by career, by money, promotions, business, followers, clicks, likes, podcast downloads, recognition.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: Meanwhile, my wife probably measures something entirely different.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: She probably looks at where I was.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: Did I listen?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: Did I hold her hand?
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: Did we pray together?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: Did I make her feel chosen?
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm here to tell you that we don't always get it right, myself included.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: But yet I those vows that I hear every single weekend play over and over in my head as I hear them.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: There's not a wedding that I go to that I hear the vows, and I don't think they are describing my wife.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I am so thankful to God every single time that He put her in my world because I didn't deserve that.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't deserved that for years.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: At least I haven't felt worthy of it.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: And there's many different things that make that up.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: However, God had a plan and that was it.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we tell ourselves that we're not enough.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: And again, I'm not saying that I'm not worthy.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: There are moments where I honestly feel like I've fallen short.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I believe that if we're honest with ourselves, I'm probably not the only one right now that may feel that way.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's something that almost every husband can understand if they really think about it.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: The amazing thing is that I I I I the amazing thing isn't that I have been or not been the perfect husband.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: The amazing thing is that God gave me a wife who loved me through the seasons when I wasn't at my best.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: When I wasn't the man I promised to be.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: When I wasn't the man who reciprocated those vows that I listened to every single weekend.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: The amazing thing is that God gave me a wife who loved me through the seasons when I wasn't at my best, and she kept me alive and kept my family together.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: That is an amazing thing.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: And what I've learned and what she has taught me is I have to give myself grace in those moments.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I think as men, it's so hard, first of all, to admit our downfalls.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: I think it is so hard to admit when, at least publicly, when we have done something wrong or or fallen short.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's harder for ourselves, at least I'll speak for myself, to give myself grace.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: It is so much easier for me to give grace to the sinner that I sit across the table from than it is to give myself grace when I feel like I haven't been perfect.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: When I think about grace, I think about my wife.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I think about how loving and caring and devoted she is to our marriage, our family, our friends, and how she sacrifices herself every single day to keep us together as a loving family unit.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: And it's hard.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: We have three kids, they're teenagers, and I'm preaching to the choir when I say sometimes it's hard to keep that ship going in the right direction.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: But the fact that she comes back every single day with love and caring, that is a showing of grace.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: And she loves me in my times, bad times, and my kids in their bad times, and just keeps coming back for more.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: That is the quintessential meaning.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: That is the heart of love that I hear every single weekend.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: Love isn't built on one grand gesture.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: Love isn't on the best days or the holidays or the dance parties.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: Love is on the Tuesdays.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: Love is on the tiny little things.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: Love is on the gesture from across the room.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's from the random text message, it's from the random phone call, the rose left on the car.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: My kids give me a hard time because I barely ever give my wife flowers, but it it has happened.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: Don't judge me.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, you pick up flowers on your way home if you're judging me right now.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, it's it's those little things, right?
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: That is where love really comes from.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: And that's something that I've learned over the years.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: Over the years, I've learned that we're not guaranteed tomorrow.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when the husband sends his wife to the store for a gallon of milk and she never comes home, and I'm the next person to knock on their door to share the tragic news.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't expect his night to end or his life to change in that way, in that moment.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: What did he do during the what was their last conversation?
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: Was it an I love you or was it a go screw yourself?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what that was, right?
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: But those are moments we never get back.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: We're never guaranteed tomorrow.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: When I hear my kids fighting about silly stuff, it bothers me.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I go back to those vows.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: What is love?
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: What is a marriage?
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: What is the sanctification between a man and a woman under God getting married and coming together?
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: And what does that mean?
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: And every single weekend when I hear this, it's like looking in that mirror, reflecting back at me, and it just hits the heavy heart.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: Love is built on a thousand ordinary choices every single day.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: Choosing forgiveness, patience, choosing to stay.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's so easy to run away, especially in today's day and age.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's so easy to run away and to go and do a different place or find a new relationship or get a divorce or whatever it may be.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yet choosing to stay is a principle of love.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: Choosing kindness, choosing not to slap somebody back or continue or perpetuate the argument, but turning the other cheek and accepting kindness and treating them with love.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Choosing each other every single day.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: You know, for so many years it was difficult.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: I did not choose my family.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: I won't even limit this to my wife.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'll choose this my family.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: I did not choose my family for so many years because I was busy chasing law enforcement, chasing the next case, chasing the next criminal, saving somebody else's life while I'm watching my own world crumble beneath my feet.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yet my wife never did that.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: She always chose me, even when it would have been easier to choose herself or choose a different life.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: These choices of kindness and staying and love and patience and forgiveness, this is week after week, year after year.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: That is what grace is all about.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: I've investigated murders.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: I've sat with families on the worst day of their lives.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: I've watched people carry regret that they'll never get to fix.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe that's why weddings affect me so much.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: Because every ceremony reminds me that this is where it all begins.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I have had the experience of seeing the beginning, but I've spent decades of seeing the endings.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: Let me say that again.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: I have seen the beginnings, but I've spent decades seeing the endings of these relationships.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: And now as I stand there at these weddings, week after week, hearing these vows, it really hits me on a different level.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: It just hits different.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: I am so thankful to hear my wife in every single vow that is read and written in front of me, to hear love and peace and caring and kindness and what marriage should really be.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I recognize that I'm not perfect.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: And this is not like a woe on the worst husband ever, but this is, you know, we make mistakes.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: And it's hard to give ourselves grace and it's hard to ask ourselves for forgiveness and give ourselves forgiveness.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yet I think it is such an important part of growing and maturing, but it doesn't make it any freaking easier.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: Every week I stand there and cry at these weddings during the vows.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because I hear.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: And God puts on my heart how lucky I am to have such an amazing person in my life.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: Every weekend I cry as I watch the husband, or sorry, the dad, give the daughter away because I know my time is coming around the corner.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: As I see the mother and son make their dance, I think about my son getting married next year.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: My son, who wasn't expected to survive birth, is now 21 years old and getting married.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I think about the dance that he and his mom are gonna share in one year.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: And how I'm going to be a blubbering wreck.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: What is it like to feel?
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: I went so many years in law enforcement not being able to feel emotions at all.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm overwhelmed in emotions, and you can hear it in my voice.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: This is a new life for me.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: This experience of emotions and crying and feeling things is new for me.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: Man, don't run from this.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: When you feel the emotions well up, don't push them down.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: I am so grateful.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: I am so grateful for the life that I have and for my family and for my friends and for my career and for where I've been.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so grateful for the people that I've had the opportunity to help and the people that God has put in my life over the years, and even the negative stuff and the bad stuff I experienced, I'm thankful for because it gives me an opportunity to have life experience and help somebody and maybe even understand the weight or the juxtaposition of what a wedding is all about, and maybe I can feel it differently and see things differently.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: If my wife ever listens to this, thank you.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for believing in me on days that I didn't believe in myself.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe that's the way we can use it.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: Over and over again.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: You know what, guys?
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: Don't this week don't wait for an anniversary.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: Don't wait until something is broken.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: Tell your spouse one thing you appreciate about them.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: Write them the note.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: Make the phone call.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: Sit on the porch, hold their hand.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: Life has taught me something that regret is heavy.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: Gratitude is much lighter.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: Choose gratitude while you still have a chance.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: Remember, love is not on the big days or the holidays.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: Love is on the Tuesdays.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: That is a murders to music podcast.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, love is the Tuesday.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: While she's sleeping in your high school sweater, and you've never seen anything better.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's the season three you're watching.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: A little bit of evening walking, sitting with your best friend talking.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's not just picture perfect, dancing in a white dress.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just a rainy day, it's when nothing stops a fighting.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's a champagne toast have come and know that love's not only the best days or the worst days.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: Love is the Tuesday.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, love is the Tuesday.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's not Hollywood son.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: Cause troubles will come, but it's the best decision you're ever gonna make.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: And you've got my blessing, but just hear this lesson twenty-seven years, and all I've gotta say is it's not just picture perfect dancing in a white dress.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just a rainy day when nothing stops the fighting.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just highs and lows, it's champing toes have come to know that love's not only the best days or the worst days.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: Love is the Tuesday.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, love is the Tuesday.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, love is the Tuesday.