Latest / Relationship Coaching Group Podcast / Are You Dating for Love or Just to Avoid Being Lonely?

Transcript

Are You Dating for Love or Just to Avoid Being Lonely? · Relationship Coaching Group Podcast

0:11
SPEAKER_00: Hello, wonderful listeners.
0:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm Roxanne, and I am your host.
0:17
SPEAKER_01: What is that?
0:19
SPEAKER_00: What?
0:20
SPEAKER_01: I'm Roxanne.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm your host.
0:25
SPEAKER_00: Professor, you came on a little early, right?
0:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I did.
0:29
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
0:30
SPEAKER_00: Question.
0:31
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever found yourself staying in a relationship that doesn't feel right simply because being alone feels worse?
0:40
SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you've rushed into dating after a breakup, convinced you were ready for love, only to realize you were only filling a void.
0:51
SPEAKER_00: Today we're exploring a question that can completely change the way we approach relationships.
0:59
SPEAKER_00: Here's that question.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: You ready?
1:02
SPEAKER_00: Are you dating for love or are you dating because you're afraid of being lonely?
1:09
SPEAKER_01: Let me just drop the mic right there because this is a big thing.
1:16
SPEAKER_01: We see this more and more and more.
1:20
SPEAKER_00: Oh, by the way, I want to introduce you to my co-host, the professor.
1:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I jumped in earlier there.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: You had you had me cracking up here the way you stop it.
1:29
SPEAKER_01: It's like, hello.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: Love it.
1:34
SPEAKER_00: Go on, professor.
1:37
SPEAKER_01: When we date, we should have we should date with intention.
1:43
SPEAKER_01: Of course.
1:44
SPEAKER_01: But unfortunately, that's not always the case.
1:48
SPEAKER_01: There's a side where you have people who low self-esteem, don't think they're beautiful, or they're not attractive, they believe that, and they talk themselves into believing they're not good enough.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: There they open the gate for those not so nice people that take advantage.
2:07
SPEAKER_00: Right.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
2:09
SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna get into this.
2:11
SPEAKER_00: Are you ready, Professor?
2:13
SPEAKER_00: I'm ready because this is the one that that yeah.
2:17
SPEAKER_00: And are you ready, listeners?
2:19
SPEAKER_00: So let's let's dive in.
2:21
SPEAKER_01: Get your pen and paper, guys.
2:22
SPEAKER_01: Yes, this is a good one.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: So dating for love or just dating because you're afraid to be lonely.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: Let's understand the difference.
2:32
SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with wanting companionship.
2:35
SPEAKER_00: Humans are wired for connection.
2:38
SPEAKER_00: The problem starts when loneliness becomes the primary reason we choose a partner.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: Love is about sharing your life with someone because they add value, they add joy, they add growth and partnership.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: Whereas fear of loneliness is about finding someone, anyone, to avoid uncomfortable feelings.
3:04
SPEAKER_00: For instance, one mindset says, I want this person.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: The other says, I just don't want to be alone.
3:13
SPEAKER_00: And while they may look a little similar on the surface, they often lead to very different relationship outcomes.
3:20
SPEAKER_00: Is that right, Professor?
3:22
SPEAKER_01: Let me ask you a question.
3:24
SPEAKER_01: And sorry, guys, I'm I've just got froggy all of a sudden.
3:29
SPEAKER_01: So let me ask a million-dollar question.
3:31
SPEAKER_01: Do you pre do you like your own company?
3:34
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love my own company.
3:36
SPEAKER_00: I I love spending time with me.
3:39
SPEAKER_01: And there's nothing wrong with that.
3:41
SPEAKER_01: And that's we, you know, we've talked about this uh briefly in other podcasts.
3:46
SPEAKER_01: Learn to be by yourself.
3:48
SPEAKER_01: I always uh tell some of my clients if you can go out and eat by yourself, go see a movie by yourself, do things by yourself, and learn to be by yourself, your relationships will be better because you're not dating because you're lonely, you're dating because you have intent.
4:05
SPEAKER_01: You want to find that right person.
4:07
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
4:08
SPEAKER_01: Because when you're dating because you're lonely, you end up with the wrong person.
4:15
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
4:15
SPEAKER_00: And that's what this podcast is all about.
4:18
SPEAKER_00: Now, here's some signs you're dating out of loneliness.
4:21
SPEAKER_00: Now, let's be honest, most of us have done this at some point in our lives, some of us way past our lives.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: But here's some signs that loneliness might be driving your dating decisions.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: One, if you ignore the red flags, do not ignore red flags.
4:41
SPEAKER_00: For instance, you notice the lack of respect, you see the inconsistency, you recognize your values don't align, but you convince yourself, uh, it'll get better because the alternative is being alone.
4:58
SPEAKER_00: So just make sure you you're watching those signs.
5:03
SPEAKER_01: Being alone is not a bad thing, but you gotta learn to be alone.
5:09
SPEAKER_01: You have a lot of people are alone because, and this men and women, they're plus size, they have very low self-esteem.
5:18
SPEAKER_01: Some do.
5:19
SPEAKER_01: You you don't feel attractive, you don't know how to dress yourself because you were baggy clothes or whatever, you don't feel attractive.
5:28
SPEAKER_01: There are so many things, but those things that you have are weaknesses that other people see, and they will take advantage of that.
5:39
SPEAKER_01: And because somebody love bombs you with a whole bunch of, oh, you're so beautiful, oh you're so this, you don't see anything past the blinders.
5:48
SPEAKER_01: Right.
5:49
SPEAKER_01: You just fall for it because you're so desperate to be loved.
5:53
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
5:54
SPEAKER_00: And we're you know, we're not saying that all plus sizes are you know, or have low self-esteem.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: I know.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: No, we're not saying I know some plus sizes that are sharp.
6:05
SPEAKER_01: Listen, there's plenty of plus size men and women that oh my goodness, they knock your socks off.
6:12
SPEAKER_01: But I'm I'm I'm there are some I'm stating facts because there are some that do suffer with self-esteem.
6:18
SPEAKER_01: Right.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, and and it it's across the board.
6:22
SPEAKER_00: Plus size, thin size, yeah, medium size.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: That's why I said it's everything.
6:27
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
6:28
SPEAKER_00: Now, here's another sign that uh you're you're dating out of loneliness.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: You feel panicked between relationships.
6:36
SPEAKER_00: Instead of taking time to heal, reflect, and grow, you immediately jump into the next relationship.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: Because being single feels like a crisis rather than a season.
6:50
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
6:51
SPEAKER_00: And we we know many things last only a season.
6:56
SPEAKER_01: Listen, not you know, there are certain things in your life is there for a season, and the season is to help you grow.
7:03
SPEAKER_01: Right.
7:04
SPEAKER_01: Learn from it, move on.
7:06
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
7:08
SPEAKER_00: Now, here's another s another sign that may indicate you're dating out of loneliness.
7:14
SPEAKER_00: You seek constant validation.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: Your self-worth begins depending on texts, calls, compliments, and attention.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: And without that validation, you feel anxious or empty or lonely.
7:32
SPEAKER_01: Or rejected.
7:33
SPEAKER_00: Or rejected.
7:34
SPEAKER_01: Some people will sit by their phone.
7:37
SPEAKER_01: They're at work.
7:38
SPEAKER_01: They're sitting by their phone waiting for that text.
7:41
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
7:41
SPEAKER_01: Why haven't they texted yet?
7:42
SPEAKER_01: What's don't they not feel think I'm attractive?
7:45
SPEAKER_01: You know, and then what happens is they give up the cookie the next day because they think if they do that, they're gonna love me more.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: Right, right, right.
7:54
SPEAKER_00: Or you'll be able to keep them.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that doesn't that doesn't work.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: You all it does is lower your self-esteem more, and then you're locked in even more.
8:04
SPEAKER_00: Right, and you're depending on those calls and those texts even more.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: Now, here's another reason or another sign that you may be date dating out of loneliness.
8:16
SPEAKER_00: The idea of being single scares you more than being unhappy.
8:20
SPEAKER_00: Let me say that again.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: The idea of being single scares you more than being unhappy.
8:28
SPEAKER_00: Think about that for a moment.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: Some people stay in unfulfilling relationships not because they're happy, but because they're terrified of starting over.
8:39
SPEAKER_01: There's nothing wrong with starting over.
8:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:41
SPEAKER_01: So it's having a reset, there's nothing wrong with that.
8:45
SPEAKER_01: We think because we've dated for two years or three years, well, we've been together for three years.
8:50
SPEAKER_01: Right.
8:51
SPEAKER_01: So it's not working.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: Move on.
8:54
SPEAKER_00: Right.
8:55
SPEAKER_00: And but before you do move on, take that time to grow and to reflect.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: Evaluate yourself.
9:03
SPEAKER_01: Every time you've come from a relationship, you should be stopping and evaluating yourself.
9:09
SPEAKER_01: Put pen and paper and say, all right, what were all the things that I didn't like?
9:12
SPEAKER_01: What were the things I did like?
9:14
SPEAKER_01: What were the things that you did wrong?
9:16
SPEAKER_01: Right, right, right.
9:17
SPEAKER_00: And what was should I have done sooner?
9:19
SPEAKER_00: And what were the flags that I ignored?
9:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: And the green ones that I ignored from that, that other person.
9:26
SPEAKER_00: You're a relationship shouldn't be torture.
9:30
SPEAKER_01: Right.
9:31
SPEAKER_01: And if you're in a relationship that is mentally or even physically abusive, you need to get help.
9:38
SPEAKER_01: Right, yes.
9:40
SPEAKER_01: You need to uh call the hotline, domestic hotline, call us up, call us up if you need to.
9:46
SPEAKER_01: We'll get you in touch with somebody, get help for you right away.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: Right.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: If we if we can't help you, we we definitely will guide you to someone who can.
9:55
SPEAKER_01: But you when you're in this situation that you believe that you're not worthy, you need to talk to somebody.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: Whether it's us or somebody else, get help.
10:07
SPEAKER_01: You need to get some help because that will turn into something dark where you're you don't go anywhere.
10:15
SPEAKER_01: You stay at home because you you should say a home for your man or your woman or whatever it may be.
10:20
unknown: Right.
10:20
SPEAKER_01: So you you gotta find you gotta find your place.
10:24
SPEAKER_01: You gotta find your happy place.
10:27
SPEAKER_01: You've gotta be at peace.
10:29
SPEAKER_01: And if you're not, and you can't be happy by yourself, then again, you need to talk to somebody because you should be able to go and go see a movie, go eat by yourself.
10:42
SPEAKER_01: So many people can't even go to can you go to a restaurant and eat by yourself?
10:46
SPEAKER_01: Oh, definitely.
10:47
SPEAKER_01: And saying that, and that's I enjoy that.
10:50
SPEAKER_01: There's nothing wrong with that.
10:52
SPEAKER_01: But you'll find a lot of women, oh, I can't do that.
10:54
SPEAKER_01: It seems like I'm desperate.
10:55
SPEAKER_01: No, you're enjoying your peace.
10:58
SPEAKER_01: Definitely, definitely.
10:59
SPEAKER_00: Now, here's what dating for love looks like.
11:04
SPEAKER_00: When you're dating for love, the energy is different.
11:07
SPEAKER_00: You aren't searching for someone to complete you, you're looking for someone to complement the life that you've already built.
11:16
SPEAKER_00: Now, dating for love means you have standards and boundaries, and you can walk away when something doesn't feel right.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: And you enjoy someone's company, but you don't depend on it for your happiness.
11:31
SPEAKER_00: And here's the last one, Professor and listeners.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: You're interested in who they are, not just how they make you feel.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: Because boy, feelings can really mess you up.
11:43
SPEAKER_01: Oh, feelings are overrated.
11:45
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
11:46
SPEAKER_01: Because you you you listen to those feelings, and your eye sees this, and your feelings have this, the hormones kick in, and all logic goes out of the window.
11:56
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
11:58
SPEAKER_01: All common sense is just stepped on, squished.
12:02
SPEAKER_01: You're seeing the red flags, and you're thinking those are good for green flags, and green flags are red flags.
12:08
SPEAKER_01: You're all confused.
12:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:11
SPEAKER_01: As you grow older, you the you should be turning your your insight into how things are, into knowledge that you can pick the right partner.
12:23
SPEAKER_01: Because your partner you shouldn't be stressful being with somebody.
12:27
SPEAKER_01: If it's stressful being with someone, that's the wrong someone.
12:30
SPEAKER_01: That's the wrong someone.
12:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:33
SPEAKER_01: I mean, we've been through our fair share of some ones that weren't for us.
12:38
SPEAKER_01: We don't stay in it.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: Those in our younger days, but then we picked wisely because we learned.
12:43
SPEAKER_00: Yes, we're younger.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: Hey, hey, hey.
12:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we way younger.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, we so we we've all we've all been there, but that's what taking time to learn you, you know, just evaluate your life, evaluate your needs, evaluate your wants, and make sure that that person is aligning with that.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: You're when you've come out of a uh relationship that didn't work, don't put that brick wall up and say, all men suck, all women suck.
13:17
SPEAKER_01: No, you just picked the wrong one.
13:19
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
13:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: There has to be blame on both sides.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: You can't pull the blame on one person, ah, here was here's a dog, here was a dog.
13:27
SPEAKER_00: Well, you weren't that's why because you stayed in.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: Right.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: And and then you base everybody else after that.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: Right.
13:35
SPEAKER_00: Then that's that's not right, and it isn't fair.
13:38
SPEAKER_00: So evaluate what you went through, and look at some of some of our our other podcasts.
13:46
SPEAKER_00: We have about the red flags, we have about the green flags.
13:49
SPEAKER_01: Now, our podcasts are just insights.
13:53
SPEAKER_01: Don't take it as therapy.
13:54
SPEAKER_01: Right.
13:55
SPEAKER_01: I want to make that clear.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: No.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: There it it we're just we're not even tu it's touching the tip of the iceberg.
14:01
SPEAKER_01: We just give tips.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: We're just giving a little bit and suggestions.
14:04
SPEAKER_01: Stuff for you to think about.
14:06
SPEAKER_01: And if we've touched the nerve, then we've done something.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:09
SPEAKER_01: Because we want you to have a peaceful life.
14:12
SPEAKER_00: Definitely.
14:13
SPEAKER_01: And we want a relationship, healthy relationship.
14:17
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
14:18
SPEAKER_00: Now, speaking of healthy, healthy love comes from mutual respect.
14:23
SPEAKER_00: And dating out of fear or lone or fear of being lonely is based, it comes from emotional insecurities.
14:32
SPEAKER_00: Now, because one mindset will say, I choose you, and the other mindset will say, I need you.
14:41
SPEAKER_00: Now, that's a big difference.
14:44
SPEAKER_00: Choosing someone or feeling that you need someone.
14:49
SPEAKER_00: And that's where we say, evaluate your life, evaluate what you need, what you want, and then you find someone that that aligns with you and that respects your boundaries, that respects you.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: Because if you if those words come out of your mouth, oh, I need him or I need her, and then the next sound you should be hearing, hitting those breaks.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: And and people will tell tell you just to get to you, um, maybe not for a long-term situation, but just to get to you.
15:24
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I you're you're you're the one that I've been waiting for.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: You're all I need.
15:30
SPEAKER_00: And you just met this person a couple months.
15:33
SPEAKER_00: That's smashlingo.
15:35
SPEAKER_01: Smashlingo.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: I like that.
15:37
SPEAKER_01: That's smashlingo.
15:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
15:39
SPEAKER_01: When someone says, Oh, I dreamed about you.
15:42
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you're the person of my dreams, you know, and woke up and there you were.
15:46
SPEAKER_01: That's all smashlingo.
15:48
SPEAKER_01: Or love bombing, right?
15:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, love bombing.
15:50
SPEAKER_01: That's another one.
15:51
SPEAKER_00: That's another another term.
15:53
SPEAKER_00: Now, a powerful self-reflection question is this.
15:59
SPEAKER_00: Here's the question.
16:00
SPEAKER_00: And I want everyone listening to ask themselves if I knew I would eventually meet the right person, would I still be rushing into this relationship today?
16:12
SPEAKER_00: Now, take a take a second with that, because sometimes we're not chasing love, we're chasing certainty, we're chasing comfort, and we're chasing relief from loneliness.
16:28
SPEAKER_00: And those are very different mode motivations.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: Did your phone just go off?
16:34
SPEAKER_01: I'm you haven't putting you on blast, you just gave me this look right now.
16:37
SPEAKER_01: Like, did you just tell on me?
16:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm telling on you, you criminal.
16:41
SPEAKER_01: But like that.
16:45
SPEAKER_00: So just take time, take time to think about it.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: You know, are you rushing for someone who's not aligning with you?
16:56
SPEAKER_00: Or should I wait for the right person?
16:59
SPEAKER_00: We don't want to wait.
17:00
SPEAKER_01: That's the problem.
17:02
SPEAKER_01: We we want it now, yes, you know, like a commercial, you know, uh I want my money and I want it now.
17:10
SPEAKER_01: You know, no, it the moment you start wanting it now, you start making those mega mistakes.
17:18
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: Take take time because time love takes time.
17:22
SPEAKER_01: Love doesn't come in and well-being means way more.
17:27
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
17:27
SPEAKER_01: Because when you're in a relationship that's not for you, there's no peace, and you start falling into that trap.
17:35
SPEAKER_01: Well, maybe things will change, maybe things will get next thing you know, you're pregnant for somebody who doesn't want to be there.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: Wow, yeah.
17:43
SPEAKER_00: So it it's really good, and that's gonna be another episode, but um yeah, just take take time to I just want to say this a baby can't save a relationship.
17:55
SPEAKER_00: No, and it it it doesn't, yeah.
17:56
SPEAKER_00: But but that will definitely be one of the That's another podcast, but just just learn to slow down, learn to um get to stop and get to know someone.
18:11
SPEAKER_01: Getting to know somebody that now see that that's the hard part.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: Because we get so caught up in the oh my god, they're so gorgeous.
18:24
SPEAKER_01: No, you it w let that pass.
18:28
SPEAKER_01: Everybody goes through that googly eyes, it's got bare goggles on, they look just absolutely amazing.
18:33
SPEAKER_00: He's so handsome, she's so beautiful.
18:34
SPEAKER_00: I gotta have him, I gotta have her.
18:37
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: So uh you gotta let some time, that's why we say give it time in the dating.
18:43
SPEAKER_01: Right.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: And then you start seeing the actual true colors, but you guys you gotta open your eyes.
18:49
SPEAKER_01: Right.
18:49
SPEAKER_01: And you have to give it time.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: Because time is your friend.
18:53
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
18:55
SPEAKER_00: Some feel that they don't have much time.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: My clock is ticking.
18:59
SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, your clock's ticking, but you're about to get into a relationship that's gonna test that clock.
19:05
SPEAKER_00: Or set the alarm off.
19:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: So take your time.
19:09
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
19:10
SPEAKER_00: There's there's no rush.
19:11
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: And learning learning to be alone without being lonely, because being alone isn't a punishment.
19:22
SPEAKER_00: Being alone is an evidence that you're unlovable.
19:26
SPEAKER_01: Being alone is not torture.
19:28
SPEAKER_01: It isn't.
19:29
SPEAKER_01: But some people feel that it is torture.
19:32
SPEAKER_01: Yes, it is not torture.
19:33
SPEAKER_01: No, it's just think of being by yourself as of learning who you are.
19:39
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: If you lonely get a cat or a dog, but just get one, because you don't want to be in a cat lady or dog lady or cat guy, whatever.
19:48
SPEAKER_01: But you learn to be in yourself.
19:53
SPEAKER_01: Learn and do things, volunteer, do stuff, get out there, and you'll be surprised because the things that you like to do is when you meet somebody, you're volunteering at the soup kitchen and you meet someone who does the same thing.
20:06
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
20:08
SPEAKER_00: So, again, learning to be alone without being lonely isn't a punishment and it isn't evidence that you're unlovable.
20:17
SPEAKER_00: And learning to be alone is an opportunity for self-growth.
20:21
SPEAKER_00: Some of the strongest relationships are formed by people who first learned how to enjoy their own company.
20:29
SPEAKER_00: As you asked me, Professor, if I enjoy eating by myself, going out for coffee by myself, watching a movie by myself, love it all.
20:38
SPEAKER_00: I love it all.
20:39
SPEAKER_00: I love spending time with me.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: Now, let's your partner is okay with that, right?
20:45
SPEAKER_00: Of course.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: Of course.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: Because he loves his time as well.
20:51
SPEAKER_00: So everybody does.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: If if I need to step out, go to the mall or or what have you, or just do something on the outside.
20:58
SPEAKER_00: Oh, he loves it too.
21:00
SPEAKER_00: Because he'll just sit there and and veg on movie after movie, shoot 'em up bang bang type movies.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: So so yeah, we we love our our own time.
21:12
SPEAKER_01: There's nothing wrong with that.
21:13
SPEAKER_01: Well, I we can preach this till the cows come home.
21:16
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
21:17
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
21:17
SPEAKER_01: There's nothing.
21:18
SPEAKER_01: I I want to say I want to just say this.
21:20
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
21:21
SPEAKER_01: To those who feel like they can't be loved, they're lonely, get help because there's nothing wrong with you.
21:31
SPEAKER_01: You're not unlovable.
21:35
SPEAKER_01: You can be loved.
21:37
SPEAKER_01: Why are you laughing at my shorts?
21:39
SPEAKER_01: She's laughing at my I've got these colorful shorts on.
21:42
SPEAKER_01: She just saw them.
21:43
SPEAKER_01: Why are you laughing at my shorts?
21:44
SPEAKER_00: It's like rainbow color.
21:46
SPEAKER_00: But um, you're right, Professor.
21:48
SPEAKER_00: Listen closely.
21:50
SPEAKER_00: When you're comfortable being single, you make better choices, better decisions at finding love who truly loves you.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: You set higher standards in seeking a partner.
22:03
SPEAKER_00: You attract healthier partners.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: You stop and won't settle for less than you deserve.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: Most importantly, you realize that a relationship should enhance your life, not take away from it.
22:18
SPEAKER_00: Thoughts, Professor?
22:22
SPEAKER_01: When you go and buy an ice cream, you put all your favorite toppings and everything on it.
22:27
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
22:27
SPEAKER_01: I'm done.
22:28
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
22:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm not wearing these shorts no more.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: I love ice cream.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: No, tell me more about ice cream.
22:32
SPEAKER_01: No, you're laughing at my shorts.
22:34
SPEAKER_01: No, tell me about ice cream.
22:35
SPEAKER_01: No.
22:35
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, guys.
22:36
SPEAKER_01: I wore these nice colourful shorts I bought and bought, and I just moved them from my legs around to the desk and she's cracking up laughing.
22:43
SPEAKER_01: No, I want to hear more about the ice cream, though, the ice cream scenario.
22:47
SPEAKER_01: When you go to and buy an ice cream, you put all the toppings that you want on it.
22:51
SPEAKER_01: You want it your way.
22:52
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
22:54
SPEAKER_01: Then your life should be your way.
22:56
SPEAKER_01: Your relationship should be your way that fits you.
23:00
SPEAKER_00: That's good.
23:00
SPEAKER_00: That's I like that.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: Just like when you go to a restaurant, you order what you like, right?
23:04
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: Why not order your partner the way you like?
23:11
SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with that.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: You you want them to respect you, you want them to love you, you want them to take time with you, you want them to uh respect your boundaries, you you want them to uh uh be aligned with with you with your values and your growth, growing together.
23:28
SPEAKER_00: That's uh Professor you that's really a good one.
23:32
SPEAKER_00: Are you are you giving me a hard time here?
23:34
SPEAKER_00: No, I really like that.
23:35
SPEAKER_00: I really like that.
23:36
SPEAKER_00: Why you don't like my shorts?
23:38
SPEAKER_00: I like your shorts.
23:40
SPEAKER_00: But listen, listen closely.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: The goal isn't just to find someone, it's to find someone for the right reasons.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: Because relationship built from loneliness only leaves leads to dependency.
23:57
SPEAKER_00: A relationship built on love leads to a wonderful partnership.
24:04
SPEAKER_00: So the next time you begin to date someone, ask yourself this.
24:09
SPEAKER_00: Am I choosing this person because they genuinely align with who I am, where I'm going in life, and what I want?
24:18
SPEAKER_00: Or am I choosing this person because I don't want to be alone?
24:23
SPEAKER_00: That is something to dwell on.
24:27
SPEAKER_00: And listen, you can find us at relationshipcoaching group.com where you can email us if you have any questions or comments or suggestions, or just want to check out all that we have to offer and maybe even learn a little bit more about us.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: Because you get 30 minutes free.
24:46
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
24:47
SPEAKER_01: Don't forget.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
24:49
SPEAKER_01: You can we are happy to sit and talk with you.
24:52
SPEAKER_01: We say 30 minutes, but we don't count.
24:55
SPEAKER_01: We've talked to people for an hour, hour and a half.
24:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so we don't hold it to 30 minutes.
25:01
SPEAKER_01: No.
25:01
SPEAKER_01: But we give you so we can talk to you and um get to know what's going on with you.
25:07
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
25:08
SPEAKER_01: And we then can come up with a plan for you.
25:11
SPEAKER_01: You can email us, you can call us.
25:14
SPEAKER_01: There's a ways of reaching us.
25:17
SPEAKER_01: If you want to come to one of our meet and greets, we do not post it.
25:22
SPEAKER_01: People ask us all the time, post it, post it.
25:26
SPEAKER_01: Reason we don't post it, and I said this many times, is because we would just have too many people show up.
25:33
SPEAKER_01: We try and keep this an intimacy, intimate thing, 15 to 20 people.
25:38
SPEAKER_01: If the uh event place is a little bit more, we might do 25, but we keep it in that because we want to keep it intimate, and that way everybody can ask questions and we can answer everyone's questions, and um that way it's an intimate thing.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
25:56
SPEAKER_01: All right, so email us, call us, we'll tell you where the next one will be, and we tell you where it is.
26:05
SPEAKER_01: You come, we ask you not to share it.
26:07
SPEAKER_01: So it's first come, first serve.
26:09
SPEAKER_01: As it starts filling up, that's it.
26:11
SPEAKER_01: We shut it off at a certain number, and we'll get you on the next one.
26:15
SPEAKER_00: And if you're in different countries and we get, say, five people from other other countries, even three.
26:20
SPEAKER_00: If we get three or more people from other countries, we'll zoom.
26:24
SPEAKER_00: We'll we'll zoom a meet and greet where we can answer some questions.
26:28
SPEAKER_01: We've even flown back to other countries for meet and greets.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we don't have a problem doing that.
26:33
SPEAKER_01: Um we've actually in Malaysia we had a group, put a group together and and we came and spoke.
26:39
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
26:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because fixing relationships, helping people with with being happy, this is what we love doing.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: We and we love we love helping people get to healthy relationships.
26:55
SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna say this again.
26:57
SPEAKER_00: Listeners, again, ask yourself this question.
27:02
SPEAKER_00: Are you dating for love or are you dating out of loneliness?
27:07
SPEAKER_00: And you know that if you answer that, that may reveal a lot.
27:12
SPEAKER_00: Now we're gonna say, thank you, listeners, thank you, wonderful listeners, for joining us on today's episode, and thank you for uh uh letting us come with you on this journey.
27:24
SPEAKER_00: And if this conversation resonated with you, don't forget to like, download, and please share this podcast with someone who may benefit from hearing it for themselves.
27:35
SPEAKER_00: And remember, being alone is temporary.
27:40
SPEAKER_00: Settling for the wrong relationship can be much more costly.
27:45
SPEAKER_00: Choose love, not fear, not fear out of loneliness.
27:50
SPEAKER_00: And until next time, take care of your heart and stay true to yourself.
27:57
SPEAKER_00: And remember, you're not alone.
27:59
SPEAKER_00: Together, we got this.
28:02
SPEAKER_01: We got you.
28:03
SPEAKER_01: Peace be the journey.