Latest / RealTalkwithMikeD / Episode 73 - Finding Your Confidence - Learning to Believe in Yourself Again!

Transcript

Episode 73 - Finding Your Confidence - Learning to Believe in Yourself Again! · RealTalkwithMikeD

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Real Talk with Mike D. All right, welcome
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: back to Real Talk with Mike D. I am the one,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: the only, and the original Mike D. And this is
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: the place where we keep it honest. We speak from
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: the heart. We talk about the things that so many
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: people think about but don't always have the courage to
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: say out loud. Ladies and gentlemen, I am your host,
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Mike D. And today we're talking about something that I
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: think a lot of us struggle with, whether we want
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: to admit it or not. Today we're talking about confidence
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: and I'm going to get into all that and much,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: much more right after this. All right, all right, all right.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Now let's talk about confidence and Not the fake kind
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: of confidence where you walk into a room acting like
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: you're the greatest thing since sliced bread. I'm talking about
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: real confidence. The kind that comes from knowing who you are.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Accepting who you are. And finally realizing that you don't
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: have to be somebody else to be good enough. Because
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: let's be honest for just a moment. Have you ever
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: looked at yourself and thought, what the hell happened to me?
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Where did my confidence go? Maybe there was a time
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: when you felt good about yourself. You had dreams and
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: goals and ideas and plans and you believed you could
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: accomplish something special. Then, life happened. People criticized you. People
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: disappointed you. Maybe somebody you loved made you feel like
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: you weren't good enough. Maybe you tried something new and failed.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: And then you started to question whether you had what
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: it takes. Or maybe you've spent so much time comparing
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: yourself to everybody else that you've forgotten how to appreciate
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: the person looking at you back in the mirror. And
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: before you know it, you're second-guessing everything. You wonder whether
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: you're smart enough, talented enough, attractive enough, successful enough, or
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: interesting enough. You start asking yourself questions you never used
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: to ask. You say, am I good enough? Can I
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: actually do this? What are people going to think about me?
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: And the worst question of all, what if I fail? Well,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: today we're going to talk about finding that confidence again
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: because I want you to understand something right from the beginning.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: You do not have to be perfect to be confident.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: You just have to stop believing that your imperfections make
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: you worthless. So grab your coffee, get comfortable, and let's
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: have some real talk. Now, here is something that I've
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: learned about life. Most people don't wake up one morning
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: and suddenly decide they aren't good enough anymore. It usually
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: happens a little bit over a long period of time.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Somebody makes a comment about your appearance. Somebody laughs at
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: an idea you had. Somebody tells you that you'll never
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: accomplish your goals. Maybe you're the person in the room
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: who has something to say, but you keep your mouth
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: shut because you're afraid somebody will think it's stupid. Maybe
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: you want to start a business, pursue a dream, start
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: a podcast, change careers, or put yourself out there in
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: a new way. But instead of taking that first step,
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: you start thinking about every possible thing that could go wrong.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: And then you talk yourself out of it. Does that
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: sound familiar? Sometimes the people who damage our confidence the
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: most are the people who we thought would support us.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: You inspect encouragement from your friends. You expect your family
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: to believe in you. You expect the people who say
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: they care about you to stand beside you when you're
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: trying to do something meaningful. But let's be real. Sometimes
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: they don't. Sometimes they question you. Sometimes they ignore you.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: And sometimes they make you feel foolish for even trying.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: And sometimes the people you hoped would cheer the loudest
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: are sitting in the audience with their arms closed. That hurts.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: And I'm not going to sit here and pretend that
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: it doesn't. You know, when you're trying to build something,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: improve your life, or become a better version of yourself,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: it can be discouraging when nobody seems to care. You
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: start wondering whether your dream is worth pursuing. But here's
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: the question I want you to think about. Why are
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: we allowing other people's opinions to determine what we believe
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: we are capable of doing? Think about that. Somebody who
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: doesn't understand your dream doesn't automatically get to decide whether
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: it's possible. Somebody who has never walked in your shoes
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: doesn't get to define your potential. And somebody who doesn't
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: believe in you doesn't mean you have to stop believing
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: in yourself. People will always have opinions. That is life.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: but their opinions are not instructions you have to follow.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: You can listen without accepting every word as truth. You
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: can learn from criticism without allowing it to destroy your self-esteem.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: You can recognize that somebody doesn't support your journey without
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: deciding that your journey isn't worth taking. And sometimes finding
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: your confidence begins with recognizing whose voice you've been listening to.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: And if that voice has been telling you that you're
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: not good enough, maybe it's time to change the conversation. Now,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: let's talk about one of the biggest confidence killers in
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: the world today. That's right, you guessed it, social media.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: You open your phone and suddenly everybody's life looks amazing.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Somebody's buying a huge new house. Somebody's driving an expensive car.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Somebody's on vacation in the Caribbean. Maybe somebody's getting married.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: They lost a ton of weight. Maybe they're starting a business.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Or maybe they're accomplishing something you wish you could accomplish.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: And there you are, sitting on your couch in your sweatpants,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: wondering why your life doesn't look like theirs. Suddenly, you
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: feel like you're falling behind. Now, let me tell you something.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: You cannot compare your entire life to somebody else's life.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: You don't know what happens after the picture is taken.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: You don't know what bills they're struggling to pay, what
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: fears they are dealing with, what arguments happen behind closed doors,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: or how many times They've questioned themselves. You're looking at
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: a few moments, not the entire story. And yet, we
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: use those moments to judge our own lives. And we
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: look at somebody else's success and turn it into evidence
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: of our own failure. And why is that? Why can't
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: we be happy for someone else without feeling like we've
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: somehow lost? Their success doesn't make you less successful. Their
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: beauty doesn't make you less attractive. Their opportunities don't mean
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: your opportunities have disappeared. And their timeline doesn't have to
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: become your timeline. Listen, you are allowed to be a
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: work in progress. You're allowed to be in your 50s, 60s,
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: or hell, even your 70s and still be figuring things out.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: You are allowed to change direction. You're allowed to start over.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: You're allowed to discover a passion later in life and
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: pursue it with everything you've got. There is no universal
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: schedule that says you must have everything figured out by
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: a certain age. Life does not work that way. Some
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: people find their purpose early. Other people spend years searching
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: for it. Some people experience success quickly. Other people have
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: to fight, struggle, and learn before things finally begin to
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: fall into place. And some people are still figuring it
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: out while drinking their third cup of coffee and wondering
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: why their knees hurt when they get out of bed.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: That is life. That is something that we all are
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: dealing with. So instead of asking, why am I not
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: where that person is? Try asking yourself, am I making
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: progress compared to where I used to be? Maybe you're
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: more patient than you were five years ago. Maybe you're
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: learning to stand up for yourself. Maybe you're finally pursuing
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: something you've been afraid to try. Maybe you're learning to
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: walk away from people who don't treat you well. Those
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: things matter too. Success isn't always a big house or
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: a fancy car or a huge bank account. Sometimes success
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: is walking up walking up to life, facing another difficult day,
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: and refusing to just give up on yourself. And that
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: deserves respect. Because sometimes that is very, very hard. Now
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: here's another hard truth. If you need everybody to approve
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: of you before you can feel good about yourself, you're
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: going to spend your entire life waiting. Because somebody will
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: always have something to say. You could be the nicest
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: person in the world and somebody will think you're too nice.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: You could be confident and somebody will call you arrogant.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: You could be quiet and somebody will call you boring.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: You could work hard and somebody will say you're trying
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: too hard. You could follow your dreams and somebody will
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: tell you to get your head out of the clouds.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: You cannot win. And the sooner you accept that, the
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: more freedom you're going to have. Think about how much
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: energy we spend trying to make people like us. We
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: change how we talk. We hide our opinions. We pretend
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: to enjoy things we don't enjoy. We laugh at jokes
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: that aren't funny. Why? Why do we do that? Well,
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: because we're afraid that if we show people who we
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: really are, they may not like us. But here's the problem.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: If you spend your entire life pretending to be somebody else,
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: how will you ever know who genuinely appreciates the real you? Yeah,
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: you might get approval, but you won't necessarily get acceptance.
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  Speaker 1: Those are two very different things. Approval means somebody likes
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: what you're doing. Acceptance means somebody can appreciate who you are,
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: even when you're not perfect. You need to learn to
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: give yourself some of that acceptance too. You don't have
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: to earn the right to respect yourself by making everybody
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: else happy. And you don't have to apologize for every
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: opinion that you have. You don't have to make yourself
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: smaller so everybody else can feel bigger. And you don't
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: have to abandon your dreams just because somebody doesn't understand them. Now,
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: let me make one thing perfectly clear. Confidence doesn't mean
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: you never listen to feedback. It doesn't mean you're always right,
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: and it certainly doesn't mean you get to treat people badly.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Real confidence allows you to admit when you're wrong. It
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: allows you to learn. It allows you to say, you
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: know what? I made a mistake, but I can do better.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: That's not weakness. That's maturity. The goal isn't to become
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: a person who thinks they're better than everybody else. The
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: goal is to become a person who no longer believes
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  Speaker 1: they're beneath everybody else. That's a big difference. Now, here's
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: where things get a little bit interesting. A lot of
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: people think confidence has to come first. They think that
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: they need to feel confident before they can start something new.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: They have to tell themselves, once I feel ready, I'll
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: do it. Once I'm not afraid, I'll try. Once I
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: know I'm good enough, I'll put myself out there. But
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: what if you got it backwards? What if confidence is
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: something you develop by taking action, even when you're scared?
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Think about the first time you did something that made
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: you nervous. Maybe it was your first day at a
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: new job. Maybe it was speaking in front of a
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: large group of people. Maybe it was asking someone out
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: on a date. Maybe it was starting a perfect project
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: that meant something to you. You probably didn't feel completely
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: confident at that moment. You were nervous. You had questions.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: You wondered whether you would mess up. But you did
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: it anyway. And afterward, you realized something. You survived. Maybe
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: it wasn't perfect, but you got through it. And the
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: next time, you were a little bit more comfortable. And
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: that is how confidence grows. You do something difficult. You
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: learn from it. You discover that you're capable of handling
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: more than you ever thought. Then, You do it again
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: and again until something that once terrified you becomes something
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: you now know how to handle. That is why I
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: want you to stop waiting for the perfect moment. The
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: perfect moment might never come. You might never feel 100% ready.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: You might still have doubts when you take your first step,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: but you have to take it anyway. You want to
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: start a podcast? Record that first episode. You want to
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: apply for a better job? Send in the application. You
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: want to learn how to play guitar? Pick it up
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: and start practicing. You want to meet someone and find love?
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: Give yourself permission to put yourself out there. Want to
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: make a change in your life? Start with one small step.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: You don't have to accomplish everything tomorrow. You just have
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: to stop allowing fear to make every decision for you.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: And listen, you're going to make mistakes. You're going to
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: have days when you question yourself. Everybody does. You're going
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: to have moments when you wonder whether you're wasting your time.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: That is normal. Confidence doesn't mean you never doubt yourself.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: Confidence means you don't automatically surrender to your doubts. You
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: can be afraid and still move forward. You can be
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: nervous and still speak up. You can be uncertain and
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: still take a chance. Courage is not the absence of fear.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Let me say that again. Courage is not the absence
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: of fear. Sometimes courage is simply deciding that your dream
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: matters more than your fear. Ladies and gentlemen, that is
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: going to do it for today. I greatly appreciate you
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: being here. I greatly appreciate you listening. Build your confidence.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: Go try something new today. If you've been wanting to
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: start a business, if you've been wanting to start a podcast,
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: if you wanted to start something that you've been thinking
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: about for a long time, but maybe you were a
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: little scared, maybe you were a little nervous, try it.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: You never know. You may succeed. But anyhow, I appreciate
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: you being here, and please be the reason someone smiles,
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: and I will see you all on the next episode.