Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 119: The 5 Most Commonly Asked Questions by Empaths (What You Really Want to Know!)

Transcript

119: The 5 Most Commonly Asked Questions by Empaths (What You Really Want to Know!) · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:21
  Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:22
  So today I wanted to share a bit of the conversation, honestly, that I was having with a friend of mine.
• 0:27
  She was asking me some questions about, okay, well, I need to better understand what it's like to be an empath, that she is an empath.
• 0:34
  But there's some things that were happening in her life that were really kind of just causing her to ask some questions.
• 0:39
  And honestly, these are such frequently asked questions by this population.
• 0:43
  That I thought, oh, I'm going to totally do a podcast on that.
• 0:46
  So today I'm going to be answering the five most commonly asked questions that I get from empaths.
• 0:52
  So her first question was, why is it that everybody's opening up to me even strangers?
• 0:58
  What is going on here?
• 1:00
  So you might get an empath.
• 1:01
  If you find that people just randomly come up and start sharing with you.
• 1:05
  And it can be a little bit surprising sometimes when you're just trying to check out at the grocery store, for example, and the cashier is really opening up about some deeply personal things.
• 1:14
  It can feel a little bit disorienting.
• 1:16
  We might not be fully prepared for that.
• 1:18
  Now there are many reasons why people might be doing this, but today I'm going to share with you just three potential reasons.
• 1:24
  The first reason why people might be opening up to you is because generally speaking, empaths and highly sensitive people, they have a very calming and soothing energy about them.
• 1:33
  And this can really help other people to feel more at ease when they're in your presence.
• 1:38
  So if somebody is feeling stressed out and overwhelmed at the moment, they might just naturally gravitate towards somebody that has that more calming and soothing energy.
• 1:47
  They're just more vibrationally drawn to those people that they know that, okay, this person has calm.
• 1:52
  This person is safe, what they are being drawn to is your kind and calm and safe energy.
• 1:59
  Another reason why people might be opening up to you is because empaths and highly sensitive people, generally speaking, they're less judgmental and they're just more accepting and tolerant of other people of their experiences.
• 2:11
  They can better understand what it is that they're going through, which again, brings it back to that safety piece.
• 2:16
  They feel like, okay, you know what?
• 2:17
  They get it.
• 2:18
  I'm safe here.
• 2:20
  I'm safe here to share.
• 2:21
  And I can share in a space that is going to be free of judgment or criticism.
• 2:26
  And that also decreases the chances of them being rejected because they know that, okay, this person is a safe person.
• 2:31
  I can open up here.
• 2:33
  And sometimes this can be a little bit confusing because we think, why is this person sharing this with me?
• 2:38
  They must think that we're on the same page about this.
• 2:40
  But it's not necessarily that they think that you're on the same page.
• 2:43
  They are just feeling that sense of safety and security.
• 2:46
  And they are feeling safe that they can actually reveal this part of themselves.
• 2:50
  And they know that you're probably less likely to judge them than other people.
• 2:54
  A third reason why people might be opening up to you is because of your intuitive nature.
• 3:00
  You are so intuitive that generally speaking, it's pretty easy for you to know what it is that the other person needs to hear in that moment.
• 3:07
  And because of that, you are able to respond in such a way that it really resonates with them.
• 3:13
  Because you are working so hard to develop your own emotional intelligence, you might say something and reflect it back to them in such a way that it actually increases their own personal levels of self-awareness.
• 3:26
  And that can feel so good.
• 3:27
  It feels so good to feel truly seen and heard and understood.
• 3:31
  So of course, people are going to want to talk with you about this, because that is your gift.
• 3:38
  All right.
• 3:38
  Question number two, after holding space for others, I often find that I struggle to calm down my own nervous system.
• 3:45
  I'm feeling energetically drained or imbalanced, how can I ground and center again after holding space for other people?
• 3:53
  Now, this is such a great question.
• 3:55
  And this is basically the question that has led me to create this podcast and to coach this population is because I know how that feels.
• 4:02
  I know how that feels to struggle to self-regulate.
• 4:05
  After you've been holding space for other people.
• 4:07
  I know how it feels to be investing so much in others that sometimes we tend to neglect ourselves.
• 4:13
  So it can be really hard to find your center again, after opening up yourself to hold space for others.
• 4:18
  And it can be a bit of a challenge to separate out your energy from other people.
• 4:24
  It's almost like we're all balls of string.
• 4:26
  And when we are engaging with other people, it kind of becomes this big mess, this big ball of yarn, or it's hard to tell where one piece ends and the other one begins.
• 4:36
  And it can take some time to sit and intentionally untangle that yard and then wind everybody up into their own balls, into their own heads.
• 4:45
  And into their own messes.
• 4:47
  So it can be, it just takes a little bit of intention to figure out how to separate those things out.
• 4:51
  So here are some tips to help you to clear others' energy once those interactions are over.
• 4:57
  All right.
• 4:58
  So first this might sound super simple, but I encourage you to just wash your hands or take a shower.
• 5:03
  And as you're doing that, visualize the other person's energy sliding off of you.
• 5:08
  If they are struggling and your heart is still really yearning to be with them, then take some time to really just energetically communicate to them that Hey.
• 5:16
  I love you, and I really want to support you, but I can't do this for you.
• 5:21
  And you might even send them some love and some encouragement that, Hey, I do want to be there with you.
• 5:26
  And I totally love you.
• 5:28
  And I trust that you're going to be developing the tools needed in order to navigate this yourself so I can be there on the sidelines and I can cheer you on and tell you what an amazing job you're doing.
• 5:40
  And also, this is something that you're going to have to navigate on your own.
• 5:44
  So it is showing up in that love and support without over owning other people's stuff and other people's situation.
• 5:51
  All right.
• 5:51
  Tip number two is take some time to really come back into your own body.
• 5:55
  And this might look like doing some breath work, like we talked about in episode one 14.
• 5:59
  Now in that episode that Jenna McKinney talked about how she honestly didn't even know that she was an empath until she started doing breath work.
• 6:07
  And then at that point she was able to see herself more clearly.
• 6:10
  And be able to differentiate self from others.
• 6:13
  And so this might also look like maybe just focusing on one body part at a time to really come back into your own body.
• 6:20
  So maybe you're focusing on the rise and fall of your chest, or maybe you're focusing on feeling your heartbeat or even just feeling your fingers, stroking your arm.
• 6:30
  This could really help to bring you back into your own body.
• 6:34
  And my third tip here is just spending time in nature.
• 6:37
  Spending time in nature always helps me to ground and center again.
• 6:41
  And I really encourage you when you are out in nature, work to really tap in to each of your five senses, take the time to just feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, or to see if you can kind of taste the river as you're walking by, and really feel that in your mouth, what does it taste like?
• 6:57
  What does it feel like?
• 6:59
  What does it smell like?
• 7:01
  Really tap into all of those senses.
• 7:03
  So this might look like feeling the leaves on a tree, or really touching the bark and feeling into the texture there.
• 7:10
  It might also look like just walking barefoot, but find as many ways as possible to engage all of your senses as you connect with nature.
• 7:17
  And that can really help to ground and to center again.
• 7:22
  All right.
• 7:22
  The third question I was asked was I feel the need to cry, and sometimes I can, but other times I just feel really emotionally constipated.
• 7:30
  What is holding me back now?
• 7:32
  This is a really interesting one because the empaths and the highly sensitive, they're very skilled at helping other people to feel and process their emotions.
• 7:40
  But because we are prioritizing other people's emotions and prioritizing helping others to feel and to process oftentimes our own emotions, they are kind of put on the back burner.
• 7:51
  So we kind of trick ourselves into believing that, okay, I'm going to set aside this amount of time.
• 7:56
  And during this amount of time, I'm going to be able to feel and process for myself.
• 8:00
  And wouldn't that be amazing if we could really just time our emotional releases like that.
• 8:06
  And maybe some people really can.
• 8:08
  I'm not quite to that point yet.
• 8:09
  Sometimes I can, but I really have to, it takes me a moment to get into that feeling space where I actually can feel and process so more often than not, we the empaths and the highly sensitive people, then we are working so hard to actually delay our own emotional response in order to make it safe for other people to feel and process that sometimes we are essentially disconnecting from our own emotions and it can take some work to get back to feeling and processing our own emotions.
• 8:37
  Now I cannot tell you how many times I have told myself that, okay, I'm going to give myself 20 minutes to feel and to process and to cry, get ready, go.
• 8:45
  Right.
• 8:45
  I've set my timer.
• 8:46
  I feel like I'm ready.
• 8:48
  And I was unable to.
• 8:49
  Like this friend, I felt very constipated in my emotional processing.
• 8:54
  And then there've been other times where I told myself, okay, in 30 minutes, then I'm going to feel and process.
• 8:58
  But as soon as my body and my mind have received the message that, Hey, it's coming, you get to feel and process, then I find that the tears are coming.
• 9:06
  My body is starting to react.
• 9:08
  And I have a harder time delaying that feeling of that processing because I am so overcome.
• 9:14
  So it can be very helpful to find multiple ways to feel and release your emotions because it might not always come up in the way that we think that it should in that moment.
• 9:23
  Right.
• 9:24
  So this might look like taking time to journal and do the mental processing around our emotions.
• 9:30
  It might look like actually making a list and naming those emotions and then maybe even getting really curious about, okay, so what does that emotion feel like in my body?
• 9:40
  So, for example, maybe I might say, okay, well, right now I'm feeling really misunderstood.
• 9:46
  What does misunderstood feel like in my body?
• 9:49
  Okay.
• 9:49
  It feels kind of disorienting in my mind.
• 9:51
  Almost like there's a ping pong ball bouncing all over the place because how I'm being perceived, it's not matching up with my current reality.
• 10:00
  And so that feels a little bit disorienting.
• 10:02
  It's kind of a little bit spinny.
• 10:04
  I'm also recognizing that when I feel misunderstood.
• 10:07
  I also feel pretty heavy in my chest.
• 10:10
  And maybe there's even a bit of a block in my throat because I think, well, I must not be communicating clearly.
• 10:16
  Right.
• 10:17
  So just get really curious about what is coming up for me in my mind.
• 10:20
  What is coming up for me in my body, and that can really help to get things flowing and help you to release those things that are no longer serving you, whether you have time to cry, or if you only have time to write.
• 10:31
  If we can kind of take it on in little bite sized pieces to help us to find center and help to maintain our own emotions.
• 10:38
  All right.
• 10:38
  Question number four.
• 10:40
  How can I set energetic boundaries ahead of time so I don't find myself feeling all of that depleted energy?
• 10:47
  Now in episode 39, it is all about energetic boundaries.
• 10:50
  And in fact, that is my most downloaded episode by far.
• 10:55
  Is that episode on energetic boundaries that has at least three times more downloads than my average episode.
• 11:00
  So I will link that one in the show notes, but I'm going to kind of give you a brief summary of some of the things I talk about in there.
• 11:06
  so that you can really help to prevent a lot of that burnout.
• 11:09
  So first, imagine yourself in a one way mirror kind of imagine this one way mirror as your aura.
• 11:15
  And this one way mirror, it allows you to just reflect back what it is that the other person is experiencing and what it is they're needing.
• 11:22
  It's kind of using that mirror energy to empathize with them and reflect back rather than taking on in your body and feeling and processing it for them and then trying to give it back.
• 11:32
  And so it still is really coming from the empathetic space where we're able to see that"okay.
• 11:37
  I can see why you're feeling this way and are going to reflect those things back at you," but it's not going to be bringing it into your physical body.
• 11:45
  Right.
• 11:45
  Is keeping things a little bit distant from you so that you can remain solid in your own energy.
• 11:51
  And this is another great space to reflect back to them that, Hey, I love you.
• 11:54
  And I trust that you are capable of learning how to navigate this on your own.
• 11:58
  And maybe they don't have the tools right now to navigate it on their own, but you can reflect back to them that yeah.
• 12:03
  Sometimes we really have to go through it in order to learn these things.
• 12:06
  And I am here to encourage you on your journey that you are capable of doing this.
• 12:11
  rather than taking it on ourselves, I did a series recently on the drama triangle and how sometimes we really want to rescue other people from their own emotions.
• 12:19
  We want to jump in and feel and process for them and solve all their problems for them.
• 12:24
  But this isn't actually helpful.
• 12:26
  It's like the lifeguard that doesn't let anybody go into the pool more than waist deep and instead shifting that energy into, okay, how can I help you learn how to swim?
• 12:34
  How can I encourage you on this and help you to find out that when you kick your legs, you can create that forward momentum.
• 12:41
  And so really shifting that into, okay, how can I really show up in help and support rather than rescuing them and essentially preventing them from learning and developing the tools that they need in order to navigate these experiences for themselves moving forward.
• 12:56
  All right.
• 12:56
  My third tip is really ground and shield.
• 12:59
  Feel into your own energy and take that time for self care for you both before and after your interactions.
• 13:08
  Sometimes we are a little bit blindsided by these things, and it's hard for us to remember to really set those energetic boundaries ahead of time.
• 13:15
  And so really be intentional.
• 13:16
  If you can set some energetic boundaries ahead of time.
• 13:19
  Awesome.
• 13:19
  If you're unable to make sure that you're really kind of clearing that space when you are done.
• 13:25
  Empaths and highly sensitive people, they oftentimes neglect or sacrifice their own needs.
• 13:29
  For other people.
• 13:31
  Which sounds so noble and amazing, right.
• 13:33
  We really kind of put this kind of interaction on a pedestal.
• 13:36
  It's like, yes, it's so good to be self-sacrificing.
• 13:39
  And also it is really, truly vital for you to maintain your own health and wellness if you're going to continue to show up for other people.
• 13:48
  So it is actually a kindness to take some time for self care and sustain your own self so that you can continue to show up in love and kindness for others.
• 13:58
  All right.
• 13:59
  And then my third tip is, take a moment to think about, if I say yes to this, what will I be saying no to?
• 14:05
  And this really helps us to differentiate ourselves from other people when we're able to really take a bit of time to identify, okay, well, what are my current priorities right now?
• 14:14
  What is it that I need in order to show up as my best self.
• 14:19
  When you feel other people's wants and desires so strongly, it is really easy to lose yourself and to make somebody else's priorities, your priorities.
• 14:29
  And so just take a moment to check in with yourself and see how you can make your level of loving and serving a little bit more sustainable for you.
• 14:36
  So, for example, do you need to set a time limit?
• 14:39
  Do you need to pack a snack for yourself?
• 14:42
  Uh, do you need to maybe break up your helping into smaller visits instead of bigger visits?
• 14:47
  Maybe it is a bit overwhelming for you when you're spending hours in somebody's presence and so you want to shift it instead to more bite-size interactions, uh, but be really mindful about how you can make things more sustainable for you, because this really does also help you to minimize your own burnout and resentment, which truly does better support this relationship that you're wanting to really show up in love and support for.
• 15:10
  All right.
• 15:10
  And then the last question that I was asked by this friend was okay, how can I create safety for myself?
• 15:16
  And this is such a big deal question.
• 15:18
  Because we're super good at creating safety for other people, but it is vital to create that space of safety for ourselves as well.
• 15:26
  So really kind of check in with your space, both physically, mentally, emotionally, check in with your space and just take a moment right now and see if you can identify one thing that you could do right now to increase your own personal levels of safety and security.
• 15:41
  It can have significant impact on your personal wellbeing.
• 15:45
  So, for example, maybe you need to limit your social media feed by unfollowing somebody or snoozing somebody in your feed.
• 15:51
  If you notice that every time they post it's something toxic or triggering for you, take a breather.
• 15:57
  You know, maybe you don't want to necessarily unfollow them, but maybe you just want to snooze their feet for 30 days, which you can totally do.
• 16:04
  So that they're not constantly popping up in your feed and triggering you.
• 16:07
  Or maybe you want to just stay off of social media altogether for awhile.
• 16:11
  Maybe you want to change some things in your physical world, like who you were spending your time with or what conversations you are and are not willing to participate in.
• 16:20
  And you can kind of plan ahead and see okay, well, I know that if I'm going to spend some time with this person, That they're going to bring up that topic that really makes me feel uncomfortable.
• 16:29
  If you know this, plan ahead.
• 16:31
  So maybe you're planning ahead and coming up with alternative topics so that you are really driving the conversation and it never goes over in that direction.
• 16:40
  Or maybe you plan ahead and think through, okay.
• 16:42
  If they do bring it up, what is something that I can do to set a boundary there?
• 16:46
  Maybe I want to have a one-liner where I just say one thing to redirect the conversation, or maybe I want to physically remove myself.
• 16:53
  But think through, okay.
• 16:54
  What is one thing that I can do to help myself to experience a little bit more safety and security so that I can continue to show up as my best self?
• 17:03
  Because if you aren't feeling safe and secure, it is going to be really hard for you to show up in the ways that you want to this safety piece is a huge piece.
• 17:11
  You are amazing at creating safety and security for other people.
• 17:14
  So take some time to do that for yourself.
• 17:18
  Do that as a gift to you to really create that safety and security for you.
• 17:22
  All right.
• 17:23
  So that is all that I have for you today.
• 17:24
  If you would like to learn more about energetic boundaries, remember to come and check out episode 39, and I will link that in the show notes.
• 17:31
  And also if you would like to work with me, one-on-one let me know.
• 17:35
  Right now I'm currently offering six week packages of one-on-one coaching with my clients.
• 17:39
  And so everybody's kind of in a different space.
• 17:41
  All my clients are coming and going.
• 17:43
  So, if you would like to work with me, one on one, apply to work with me now by going to www.maryannwalker.life.
• 17:49
  I will also be linking that in the show notes, but apply to work with me.
• 17:52
  And I will let you know when I can get you in.
• 17:54
  All right.
• 17:55
  Well, I hope you have a great week and let's talk soon.
• 17:57
  Bye now.