Latest / Celeste The Therapist / EP 512 Balancing Emotions and Logic: The Power of Intentional Living

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EP 512 Balancing Emotions and Logic: The Power of Intentional Living · Celeste The Therapist

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Hey, hey, thank you all so much for joining another episode of Celeste
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the Therapist podcast. My name is Celeste. I'm a therapist from Boston. If
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you've never been into this podcast, I appreciate you being
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here. What I do is I talk about issues that we go through,
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and then I kind of help you think about ways in
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which you can Challenge yourself and deal with it. I
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am located in Massachusetts And I also have a Wellness Center located
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in Stoughton mass where we hold classes And
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we hold different somatic classes and workshops things
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to help you with your wellness journey because
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I believe that once we take one step into creating
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change It's easier to keep going, right?
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It's harder. The first step is the hard part. So, um, if
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you do listen to this podcast, one of the things that I recommend is
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like getting a notebook and a pen and writing things down,
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um, writing it down and making it plain can really help. A lot of times we'll
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hear a podcast, we'll go to a workshop. We'll go
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to something motivating and it feels really good. And then once we
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leave, we're back into the environment. And if you live
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in America, everything is so chaotic. So it's easy to
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feel discouraged and feel as if like
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change can't happen. So one of the things that I believe
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is like when we work on changing the mind, I was
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listening to Myron, the guy's last name. He's a motivational speaker.
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But he said the mind is the command center
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of our life. And if you feel like your mind
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is so chaotic and you struggle with making time to be still, being
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still feels scary because you're forced to listen to your
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thoughts. Understand that you're allowing your
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trauma, your history, society to control your
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life. And if you feel like things are
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always happening to you, a lot of times that's going
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on because of what's going on in the mind. So
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before we get started, I just want to share I have two books I'm
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gonna try to make sure to talk about it every single episode. I
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have a guided journal. So I'm also on YouTube So if you're listening to me
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on YouTube, I mean if you're listening to me on audio You can hop on YouTube
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and see the visuals. I'm a very visual learner So it's important to
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me to provide visual content for people as I'm talking about things
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So I have a guided journal is called 365 days
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of intentional living every day. I actually a different question and then
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halfway through the book I'm asking you that same question that
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I asked you on day one, just so you can see how
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your things have changed over the
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course of, what is it, half of 365, right?
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To see how things have changed. This is a great journal
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for people that may be in therapy or not in therapy, not sure how
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to start reflecting. Journaling is a great way to reflect. I
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also have a book called Relationship Goals and it's a guide to a
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healthy relationship where I give
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these different staples on what a healthy relationship looks
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like, meaning basically like maintaining your individuality, understanding
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what you want. There are a lot of staples that we are
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not clear on and we're not understanding why
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we are struggling in relationships. And a lot of times it's due to the
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way that we have thought about relationships, right?
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I came up with the title because I would see on social media, people
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would put under people's pictures, hashtag relationship goals based
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off of a little clip or a video. And the reality is,
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is that a healthy relationship is more than just
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a picture. So those are the two books you can find on my
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website stwyt.com And
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then we also these are the classes that we host. These are staple
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classes at the center We host these every single month
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so we have Restorative yoga class
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that's always the last friday of the month And
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then we have a class called mindful yin and another class called
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rest and restore all of these classes were created in
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order to help people work on slowing down
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their nervous system. We don't realize how much we hold
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pain in our body. So a lot of times, like intellectually, if
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you feel like I'm making the connections, I understand what's going on,
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but I'm still feeling stuck. A lot of times that could be because there's
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a lot that's happening inside of your body and creating
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a space to release it is important and
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so we have somatic classes here at the center. If
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you go to stwyt.com you
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can learn more about Those
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classes and attend and
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then if you're not familiar with Me if
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this is your first time here one
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of the things that's important to me is for
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you to not look at these podcast episodes as
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like just a feel-good session and I really want you to
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try to use it as a way for you to get what you
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need. One of the things that I understand is that when
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it comes to wellness, a lot of times we try to put a
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price tag on it. And a lot of times it's true, like a
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lot of the things that can really help us with
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our process cost money. And
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I never want people to think that because things
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cost money, they're not able to heal. So that's
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why I try to offer all of these kind of resources and
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a way for people to rethink what wellness looks like
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so that they're not like, oh, well, I don't have a therapist or I
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don't have a psychiatrist, so I can't give myself what I
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need. I don't I really want people to understand like
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despite what they have despite what they don't
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have It's really important for us to like use
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what we have and start where we are and if we can do that
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Life looks differently. So we are streaming on all
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podcasting platforms, and I've been doing this since 2018 and I started this
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because I was I I
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was actually going live on a few platforms
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and on Fridays I would answer questions. And
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I realized just how much people don't understand
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a lot of the basics of life. I call them like
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the ABCs of life. Like imagine trying to read, but
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you don't know your alphabets. And I think about life and I
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think about we're trying to do life, but we don't understand the emotions. We don't understand
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the basics. And so it gets really challenging. Today's
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topic when emotions and logic clash the power of
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intentional living you see my book my journals called 365 days
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of intentional living because I believe the is so important for us to be
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intentional About what we're choosing to do. I
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always say if you start your day scrolling playing games
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doing Anything that does not pertain to
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you growing Starting your day sets the tone And
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a lot of times we don't even start our day with us. We start our
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day with the emails with everything else but us
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And then we struggle and not understanding why we feel how we feel
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and it's like well, what am I feeding my system? Um, so there's so
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much um, there's so much growth and
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being intentional, right? And not doing things
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based off of how we feel but our intent. So
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emotions versus logic, right? It's important for you to understand. So
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emotions are subjective feelings, right? Like in
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this moment, I can feel nervous and
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let's say I'm about to speak, I have a speaking engagement and
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maybe one time I had a speaking engagement, I didn't do well.
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And so my mind will go back to the time I had the speaking engagement
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and I didn't go well. And the nervousness could be due to the
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fact that my mind is thinking like, oh, it's happening again. So
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technically nothing's happening in front of me, but the
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feeling of what's happening is real. And
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luckily for me, I'm able to make connections when those moments happen, right?
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So something that happened 20 years ago could affect you in
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2025, and you may not even realize that's what's going on. And so let's
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say I start to feel nervous, but I'm prepared, right? So I tell myself,
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Celestia, prepare, you got this. But what if I don't allow
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logic to take over and I say, I can't do this, right? And
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speaking may be my passion, helping people may be my passion, but
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I'll never be able to push forward with what I feel
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like my passion and my goals in life are because I'm allowing the
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emotion to take over and rule the way that I operate. So
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emotions are subjective feelings often directed towards a
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specific object that involve physiological and behavioral changes.
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Whether you realize it or not, there are behavioral, physical
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changes that take place when you are struggling
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with some emotion. Sometimes people talk
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about their throat is feels like it's closing in on them. Their stomach is
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turning their back is hurting, right? There are a lot of things that are
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happening in your body when you're dealing with some of these emotions So
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logic on the other hand is a system of reasoning and principle used
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to determine the truth or falsity of a conclusion while
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emotions are personal experience logic relies on rational thought
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analysis And so an example of another
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example is like if you're dating somebody and
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you know that the relationship logically doesn't work But
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emotionally you feel so attached right and this could
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be a whole topic about relationships. I love talking about relationships But
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the attachment could be because they may remind you of
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your absentee dad, right? Even though it's like
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why would I want to be with somebody who doesn't show up for me? Like my dad didn't show
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up for me. You don't realize that that's happening You
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don't realize that you're attached because it's a
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familiar feeling of this person not being available to
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you, right? And so you find yourself feeling like
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you're stuck in this relationship and you're like, I don't like,
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I don't know why I'm in this. Like logically, I know they're not good
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for me. And so that's a prime example of how logic and emotion don't
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match. You can find yourself feeling so drawn to somebody logically
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knowing it's not true. And that's why I say going
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off of intention and reasoning versus how you
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feel is important. A lot of us are operating life
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based off of how we feel and we don't realize that's happening.
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So that's the difference between emotion and logic. Emotions
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are feelings, logic is you're using reasoning, right? So
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emotions can cloud your judgment. Emotions are
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significantly influencing decision-making, sometimes
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leading to bias or irrational choices due to clouded judgment.
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While emotions can be a valuable guide, strong feelings can
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impair critical thinking and result in poor decisions. How many,
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you know, if you're being honest with yourself, how many of you can say like you've
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had some irrational decisions that you've made over the
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years, over the course of years, right? Impulsive things
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that you've done and not understanding why a Lot
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of times this is happening because that remote that rush of emotion is coming
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and you're not used to making applause You're not used to even recognizing it's happening
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I tell people sometimes the emotion may hit you and
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your body before you intellectually understand what's going on
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which is why it's very important to pay attention
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to what's going on in your body and The more you pay attention to
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what's going on in your body, the more you understand the signs that your body
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is giving that it's struggling and it's not okay. And
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you may ask like, well, why does this happen, Celeste? A
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lot of times growing up, our parents were in survival mode. They didn't have
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the capacity. To teach us how to listen
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to our body because they wasn't even listening to their body, right? So if
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they're not listening to their body, how the heck they're gonna teach us how to listen to our body And
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so it's so important to understand that just because you
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were not taught how to listen to your body How
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to understand the signs doesn't mean you can't understand the
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signs. You're human. You're not a robot So you're gonna have these
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experiences that is so important for you to understand So
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really being mindful on the emotions and
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how they've affected your judgment because you don't have
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to keep living life that way. Now,
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this picture for people that are listening, I have a picture where it
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shows emotional mind versus logic mind. And
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it says emotional mind reacts from feelings, energy levels and
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psychological states and needs, while the logic mind
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responds using logic, cause and effect, reasoning, analysis of
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possible consequences. If we merge
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these together, right, we'll get a wise mind, right? Seeks
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to synthesize and balance logic and emotion perspectives and to serve
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the highest good, being more mindful. So I'm
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conscious of my emotions and my experiences and
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what I'm feeling. I'm also conscious about my logic mind, right?
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I'm able to understand reasoning. And I
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have more moments of making sure I'm using my
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wise mind being more mindful about my decisions than not Years
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ago. I was very impulsive very much in the moment And
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now like the the baseline in
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which I operate is with the wise mind, right? Does that
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mean I don't have emotions? Does that mean I don't feel that impulse that
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wants to bleed in? No, I I have all of those feelings But
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now they're not controlling me If you wanna
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work on not being controlled and feeling
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like you don't have any say-so in life and life is happening to you,
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you've gotta really work on being able to
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pause, being able to reflect. Now,
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there's importance in attention, like the importance
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of attention. So being intentional is so important because
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when you're able to act with intention, It
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involves purposeful, proactive choices based on understanding goals
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while reacting based on emotions as a spontaneous, impulsive
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response driven by immediate feelings. So intentionally acting
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allows for clear thinking and consider action while
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reacting can lead to impulse decisions and negative consequence. And
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I'll just give you a quick example, right? How many of you have
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said you wanted to start your day earlier in the morning? You
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wanted to get up so that you're not rushing into work. How
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many of you said I want to get up and do a walk or stretch raise your
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hand, right? I'm sure I can't see you, but I know a lot of
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people are raising their hands What happens in the morning in?
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the morning time You don't feel like
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getting up. So what do you do? You don't get up and
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then you snooze your alarm and then you find yourself in
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a space of Feeling like oh,
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i'll do this tomorrow and then rushing into work right now. You're starting
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your day Um with depletion not
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with giving when you give to yourself you oh my gosh, you could be so
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full and starting your day There may be a little traffic. Somebody
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may cut you off, but you're not finding yourself struggling as
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much Because you started your day with you and you feel replenished
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So how does that work if I don't want to go based off of my feeling
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if I want to do be intentional the night before Let's say I'm
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gonna do a stretch right the night before I'm setting my
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alarm as soon as my alarm goes off I'm jumping up
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If you stay in bed, your mind will talk you out of it. Your mind
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will tell you up. Well, maybe you could do it tomorrow, right? So
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if you want to think about why intentionality is
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important, because if we are not intentional about what we're choosing
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to do, we will be controlled by our feelings and our feelings change.
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How many times have you went to the gym or went to a workout class that you
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didn't feel like going? And you're like, oh, my gosh, this was actually not
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bad. Or how many times were you not going to go with a
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friend out and you went out and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm so
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glad I did it. Right. It's the starting. That's the hard part.
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But once you start and get there, you'll start to feel
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the replenishment that you need. You'll never get there if
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you don't start. Right. So if you want to think
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about, like, being intentional, how do I allow myself to
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not allow emotions to take over? Emotions are going to happen.
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We can't get around emotions. But how do I not allow it
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to take over through routine, through discipline and
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intentionality? Now some
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strategies for balance and emotion and logic, right? Because it's
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not only important for me to tell you what we're struggling with, but how
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do I challenge and work through it? Pausing and
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reflecting. So taking a moment to breathe and access your feelings before
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reacting, it's always good, right? So in
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order for you to, how do I take a moment to pause before I react? I
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need to notice when I'm struggling. How do I notice when I'm struggling getting
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more in tune with my body? Cause my body's giving me signs. Right.
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So taking time to pause and reflect is
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important. Journaling, great way to
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get more in tune with what's going on. How do
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I journal? Literally, like I have a guided journal, but even
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if you don't want to get my guided journal, There's a paper and
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a notebook, right? You can ask yourself the same questions
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every day to start the process, right? You can Google
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like what are some good questions to to ask myself at
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night? I'll tell you before we ask our children at night is How
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are you feeling? What are you grateful for? What did you do to prepare for tomorrow and
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what went well today? Those questions I did intentionally
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so that they can tap into how they're feeling tapping into like
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Understanding the gratitude in the day right because we
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get so caught up in the trauma and the drama of life
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That we forget what we have and when we forget what we have we
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feel miserable I would say there
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are people in third world countries that are walking
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around smiling with nowhere near
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the amount of material things that
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we have here in America, right? And so we
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have allowed life to consume us. And
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especially being black in america if you're a black woman working
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in corporate working in white spaces Right and
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you know when i'm working with people and they're talking about this stuff and i'm like It's
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not you it's the system you're in the system that doesn't see you but
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I need you to see you Like that's so important regardless
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of who sees me I need to see me and so because of
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all of these things we find ourselves struggling so Keeping
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a journal and reflecting will allow you to see things more
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clear, so you're not allowing life to consume you. Seeking
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feedback is another one. Um, so discussing feelings and decisions with
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trusted friends or mentors like people that you trust, right? Everybody's
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not bad and some people are blessed enough to have
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somebody that like a coach or a friend where they
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can bounce things off of and get clarity and get um
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more understanding And then the last thing I
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want to say is that identifying your core values so
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To identify your core values, you can start with reflecting on
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what truly matters to you in life. So you're gonna consider all
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your past experiences, identifying the principles you hold dear, and
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trying to narrow them down. So if you never thought about what your
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core values are, Some examples I
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got from an Instagrammer. Hey gold sister
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integrity leadership growth honesty accountability family fun
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stability faith creativity Adventure, these are
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just some values right now Let's say
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your core value is family. And
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I'm looking for another one, communication, right? Like it's important to
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me for me to take time with my family and to communicate
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with my partner. And if I sit down with myself and
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I'm always working, right? They have games,
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they have all these things going on. I'm never attending. Am I
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really truly living out my core values, right?
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I haven't put them in my calendar because I tell myself I don't have time.
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But then if I look at my phone and see how much I'm scrolling, right,
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we used to look at your values and then check your phone and then tell me
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you don't have time. If your phone is showing me that
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you are not on social media all day or not on YouTube
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watching things on Netflix, right? or games, these
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games get addictive. Look at your phone and then if
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everything is clear and you tell me you don't have time, I would love to hear from you. Let
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me know you don't have time because a lot of times we have
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time, but we allow society to
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consume us and then we start vegging out on our phones, vegging
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out on movies and shows. So if I'm gonna stick with
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the example of me saying family is important to me Like
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and I realize that I'm not Living out my core value
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Then I need to go back to the drawing board and start to look at
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what can I do to make this happen? A lot of
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times we have these core values that we haven't identified consciously,
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but they've been like growing up. If we look back, we'll be like, yeah,
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that, that wasn't me. That's what I said. I want it. If we really take time
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to reflect, we'll start to realize like, dang, you
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know what? Like I'm not living up my values. I'm not communicating
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with my spouse. I'm not living by faith. I'm living by fear.
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So strategies for balancing your emotion and
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logic, a huge part of it is being able to identify your core
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values. And once you identify them, make sure that you're walking
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in alignment with what that looks like. So
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this is something, emotion, logic, right? Both
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are important, but a lot of times we're allowing that emotion to
22:15
take over. So my challenge to
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you, right, is to start to pay attention to what
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your body's saying, start to pay attention to your emotions. You
22:25
can Google feelings chart, right? Grab a feelings chart, check in
22:29
with how you're feeling. Everything starts with awareness
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if you're struggling in life and You're trying
22:37
to figure out the next step start to pay attention to
22:40
your day-to-day. What am I doing? What do I need? if
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you Google wellness will it'll show
22:48
you a pie graph with like the different areas of your life social emotional
22:53
Environmental professional and
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so to show you these areas you can start there and look at that
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and start to dissect Okay, what do I want in this area?
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What are my values in this area? What kind of work environment
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do I want? And I want to be clear that just
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because you become aware and understand what you want, it
23:14
may take time to get there. But until you create a plan to work
23:17
on getting there, you'll always find yourself feeling miserable. But
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if you work on creating a plan, you won't feel so
23:24
miserable because you know like you're not going to be stuck in the same place. The
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reason why we feel miserable and feel stuck is because we're not doing anything to
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change it. Make today the day you start to do something to
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change it So I hope this was helpful. I hope this makes
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sense. I always tell people if anything I say resonates for you Understand
23:41
you have the power to make the change, but you have to really start to have faith
23:44
and believing in yourself You know when you start having
23:48
faith when you believe in yourself, I promise you nobody can take
23:51
that away from you The mind is so powerful which
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is why my wellness center is called Shifting the Way You Think, because
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my goal is to keep shifting, help people shift. Because
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if we're stuck, if we're not shifting our thought process, we're not
24:06
growing. I wanna see you grow, right? If you wanna grow, continue
24:10
listening to this podcast, because I'm always gonna come out with different
24:14
nuggets that's gonna help you grow and help you see yourself the
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way life should look like, not versus what life has
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been like in the trauma that you've experienced. Like we're
24:24
gonna acknowledge it, but we don't want that to be the lens on where we're seeing
24:27
ourselves for the future Until next time beautiful people.