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BLAQUE DIAMOND 5/16/25 LIVE EVERY 1ST & 3RD FRIDAY 8PM LIVE ....... · DA CREW Podcast

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Speaker 1: Legs and gentlemen, may I have your attention please? The
0:21
Speaker 1: show starts in ten line eight seven six five four
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Speaker 1: three legs and gentlemen, I have your attention please. The
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Speaker 1: show starts in ten nine eight seven six five four
1:19
Speaker 1: three two one go.
2:19
Speaker 2: Reflect on their personal commitments.
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Speaker 3: On page eighteen is where we are going to begin tonight,
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Speaker 3: and it's of the Companion workbook promises to feel poors
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Speaker 3: and heal.
2:31
Speaker 2: Without shame, So that's going to be our goal tonight.
2:34
Speaker 3: We also have with our panel, we have our special guests,
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Speaker 3: doctor Carolyn Stevens. She shares her clinical insight into why
2:41
Speaker 3: so many of us struggle with permitting ourselves to feel
2:45
Speaker 3: and what happens when we finally do so. You also
2:49
Speaker 3: office a robust practical tool now you know you got
2:54
Speaker 3: to get that tool kit to help you begin honoring
2:57
Speaker 3: your emotional commitments in everyday life.
3:00
Speaker 2: So let's take a.
3:01
Speaker 3: Moment to reflect on the commitment that I hope we
3:04
Speaker 3: all made. I know I did on page eighteen of
3:06
Speaker 3: the workbook. So I'm going to tell you about me,
3:10
Speaker 3: and so some of you can catch up and some
3:11
Speaker 3: of our listeners can get a little idea of what
3:14
Speaker 3: we're talking about so for me, I committed to which
3:18
Speaker 3: was kind of hard. Stop silencing my pain to keep
3:23
Speaker 3: the peace. I've been learning to give myself grace and
3:28
Speaker 3: to pour into myself, especially during the hard times. I
3:33
Speaker 3: often moved through pain quickly or overcome it in other ways,
3:39
Speaker 3: but I do cover it up with productivity. I keep
3:42
Speaker 3: myself very busy, but this time I permitted myself to
3:46
Speaker 3: slow down just a little bit to acknowledge my emotions,
3:50
Speaker 3: which I needed. This week, somebody asked me early how
3:54
Speaker 3: was my week? So I definitely needed to acknowledge my
3:57
Speaker 3: emotions and make space.
3:59
Speaker 2: To truly heal.
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Speaker 4: So to.
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Speaker 3: What was the commitment you made to yourself? Anyone can
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Speaker 3: chime and I am dying here. What's a commitment that
4:11
Speaker 3: you made to yourself? Doesn't have to be something big to.
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Speaker 5: Everybody.
4:22
Speaker 2: So you saying thank you all, thank you so much
4:27
Speaker 2: for being here. I I appreciate.
4:30
Speaker 3: We are here with the intentional leader, coach Rachel. We
4:38
Speaker 3: have author Shana Jenkin, B. G. Howard, of course the
4:43
Speaker 3: beautiful doctor Call. So we may have some others that
4:47
Speaker 3: may pop in. There's a lot of technical difficulty with
4:51
Speaker 3: weird people are We're all in different States and the
4:53
Speaker 3: weather is it's hard, but we will accept our panel
4:57
Speaker 3: and anytime they're ready to come in. So the question was,
5:01
Speaker 3: what would the commitment you made to yourself, and BG,
5:04
Speaker 3: I think you had the floor.
5:06
Speaker 6: Yes, ma'am, I was saying to I'm in my commitment
5:11
Speaker 6: in reading the workbook and purposing to be a lot.
5:15
Speaker 6: A lot of times people say be more intentional, but
5:17
Speaker 6: they really can't define what exactly that means. And for
5:22
Speaker 6: the longest time, I thought that I was being intentional.
5:26
Speaker 6: You know, I've learned to not not canvas my my
5:31
Speaker 6: my emotions, not hide my feelings, not dance around the
5:35
Speaker 6: issues of other people's feelings.
5:37
Speaker 7: But then I realized that, you know, in my.
5:41
Speaker 6: In my quest to be more intentional, thinking that I
5:45
Speaker 6: had actually accomplished, that I really wasn't. And you know,
5:49
Speaker 6: you find yourself in a situation where, uh, if there's
5:53
Speaker 6: something that challenges uh your intentionality, if that was you know,
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Speaker 6: if that was your if that was if that was
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Speaker 6: your habit before, you kind of revert back to old
6:03
Speaker 6: habits and you just kind of digress and you end up,
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Speaker 6: you know, subduing those those intentionality, those feelings, and so.
6:13
Speaker 2: So let me action. I don't mean to cut you off.
6:15
Speaker 3: What I want. I want I get this out. I've
6:21
Speaker 3: been doing more or that just seemed to be happening more.
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Speaker 3: Was it something that was emotionally, mentally or physically since
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Speaker 3: that commitment, since.
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Speaker 8: You made that commitment, well, I would say, honestly all
6:34
Speaker 8: the above. I I you know, I I deal with
6:40
Speaker 8: the biggest challenge that I have on a daily basis.
6:44
Speaker 8: Many people are not aware of those who've met me
6:46
Speaker 8: in person know.
6:48
Speaker 1: That I.
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Speaker 7: Have a little limb.
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Speaker 6: Okay, that's being monest I have a wattle, you know,
6:57
Speaker 6: the consequence of an accident from years ago, and it's
7:00
Speaker 6: it's it's something that you know, it's not it's not
7:06
Speaker 6: it's not a process of of healing my my physical body.
7:11
Speaker 6: Doctors have said will never be one hundred percent. I
7:15
Speaker 6: have limitations, and those those those limitations prevent present personal
7:22
Speaker 6: challenges every day, even the effort for me.
7:25
Speaker 7: Getting out of you know what.
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Speaker 3: We all have challenges. Some of us recognize them, some
7:31
Speaker 3: of us don't. The challenges are there. Some people have
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Speaker 3: that look. I have a challenge trying to close my
7:37
Speaker 3: shade sometimes because my daughter flowed all the way up
7:41
Speaker 3: and then I have to call it and then.
7:42
Speaker 2: She'll tell me my youth sort that's all right, because
7:47
Speaker 2: it'll be easier for me to hit the ground they
7:50
Speaker 2: would be for her long. That's a challenge for her.
7:55
Speaker 2: So that's that's what I would have to say to her.
7:57
Speaker 2: So we all, we all have challenges. I'm glad you did.
8:01
Speaker 3: She said she heard that. So some of us have
8:06
Speaker 3: challenges knowledge and some of us we were not there yet.
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Speaker 3: I won't say they don't, but we're not there yet.
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Speaker 2: What about some of the rest of you. What was
8:15
Speaker 2: your commitment to yourself?
8:20
Speaker 5: I mean, I can speak of it if that's okay.
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Speaker 9: My commitment to myself for this week and ongoing is
8:30
Speaker 9: I have the tendency two I don't really pay close
8:36
Speaker 9: attention to politics itself, and the way I usually look
8:42
Speaker 9: at things as I go to see span and I
8:45
Speaker 9: looked just at the house floor. So I said, I'm
8:47
Speaker 9: going to intentionally take an opportunity each day to go
8:52
Speaker 9: to an outlet that is actually talking more about the
8:56
Speaker 9: couple of laws that being inactive. I just want to
8:59
Speaker 9: make sure that I'm a lot more aware of those
9:02
Speaker 9: things because those things could affect the community pretty quickly
9:06
Speaker 9: and I want to make sure that.
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Speaker 5: I'm aligned and there more of.
9:12
Speaker 9: It because I'm a person only only watches television one
9:15
Speaker 9: day a week, and I don't and it's not a
9:17
Speaker 9: TV with commercials. I only watch UFC, So I watched
9:22
Speaker 9: UFC one day a week, and so I don't follow
9:25
Speaker 9: mainstream news because there's a lot of fear tactics involved.
9:28
Speaker 9: But right now there's some things that we really need
9:31
Speaker 9: to be made abreast of. And the only way I
9:33
Speaker 9: can be abreast of it is if I take an
9:35
Speaker 9: opportunity to find an outlet to be able to get
9:38
Speaker 9: all that information pretty quickly without cessationalism of put everyone
9:43
Speaker 9: putting their emotions into it.
9:45
Speaker 5: So that's my intentionality.
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Speaker 2: More and that.
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Speaker 3: Now I was saying, I'm very happy that you said
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Speaker 3: that you watch TV once a week and what you
9:56
Speaker 3: actually focus on, And because you have that one stream
9:59
Speaker 3: that you focused on, what would you say that you
10:02
Speaker 3: noticed more and you watching especially the floor when it
10:06
Speaker 3: became the politics, did you have Was it more emotionally mental?
10:10
Speaker 2: Physically?
10:12
Speaker 5: It was definitely more mentally.
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Speaker 9: I don't I don't usually lie, usually have handle situations
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Speaker 9: more and emotional.
10:21
Speaker 5: I'm more of analytics.
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Speaker 9: I analyze the situation determine what's the best course of action.
10:28
Speaker 5: So it's usually limited emotions.
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Speaker 9: To things I'm normally doing, and especially I don't make
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Speaker 9: any spur the moment decisions. So at this more, at
10:38
Speaker 9: this one, I'm watching the situations unfold, but also making
10:42
Speaker 9: sure I strategically set a planning action if they unfold
10:46
Speaker 9: one way or another.
10:47
Speaker 5: Chess not checkers.
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Speaker 2: Hey, I love that. I love that. Does anybody else
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Speaker 2: want to share?
10:59
Speaker 4: All?
10:59
Speaker 1: Right?
11:00
Speaker 3: Now we have now we also have with us Tony,
11:03
Speaker 3: mister Tony Bunyan, he has joined us, and we had
11:06
Speaker 3: put the question on the floor, mister Bunyan, but what
11:09
Speaker 3: was the commitment that you made to yourself? And that
11:15
Speaker 3: was from the assignment from last week.
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Speaker 10: One commitment that I made to myself a long time
11:26
Speaker 10: ago was to never give up. I mean, God has
11:31
Speaker 10: been so good to me and my family that even
11:34
Speaker 10: when things are bad or look bad from my perspective,
11:38
Speaker 10: I know it's going to work out for his glory.
11:40
Speaker 10: So I just learned to go through what I got
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Speaker 10: to go through just to get to the other side
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Speaker 10: of it. Because the key word is I'm going through it.
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Speaker 10: We're not sitting in it. We're still moving, and he's
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Speaker 10: still moving. So long you're going through it. And we know,
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Speaker 10: as my mom and my grandma always say, what doesn't kill you,
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Speaker 10: it makes you strong, and I truly believe that. So
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Speaker 10: I just always committed to never giving up, regardless of what.
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Speaker 4: It looked like. Uh, just never give up.
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Speaker 10: Just keep going and you move one feet when you
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Speaker 10: mean one foot, that God is gonna move too, so
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Speaker 10: you take one step guard too. So I'm just always
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Speaker 10: committed and people always ask me, you know how I'm
12:14
Speaker 10: so positive because I know I lost my daughter when
12:18
Speaker 10: she was six months and going through that phase, I really,
12:22
Speaker 10: I really learned that life is short, life is precious
12:25
Speaker 10: and there's no age limit on it.
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Speaker 4: So every day I'm on top of the sword, I'm
12:28
Speaker 4: gonna enjoy. You know, I'm gonna do my best to pour.
12:31
Speaker 10: Into somebody and just live my life as long as
12:33
Speaker 10: I can because on one day, I too will be
12:36
Speaker 10: out of here. But to that day come, I'm gonna
12:38
Speaker 10: do my best just to live my life fullest and
12:41
Speaker 10: always honor my daughter. So never giving up as someone
12:44
Speaker 10: I live by and I teach my kids and I
12:45
Speaker 10: teach everybody because you can be struggling one day and
12:49
Speaker 10: you can live your best life the next day. That's
12:51
Speaker 10: how good God is. You know, he takes you from
12:53
Speaker 10: zero to a hero within it and within a blank
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Speaker 10: of eye.
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Speaker 4: So just never give up that. That's that's my message
12:59
Speaker 4: every feeling.
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Speaker 2: So what be safe for me to say? And correct
13:04
Speaker 2: me if I'm wrong?
13:06
Speaker 6: I'm wrong?
13:07
Speaker 2: Sometimes would you say that it was safe?
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Speaker 3: It's more emotionally, mentally or physically.
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Speaker 4: For here, I think it's a cumbination. Uh.
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Speaker 10: You know, we are we are human, we are flesh, uh,
13:21
Speaker 10: and we fall short every day. So you know, some
13:23
Speaker 10: days I feel it feels like it could be physical,
13:27
Speaker 10: but I understand that my spiritual connection.
13:30
Speaker 4: Uh is what keeps me going.
13:32
Speaker 9: You know.
13:32
Speaker 10: You know some people think that alarm clock is waking
13:35
Speaker 10: them up every day. It's not that alarm clock.
13:37
Speaker 4: Uh. It's some powerful in that alarm clock.
13:39
Speaker 10: Because I have the same alarm clock, and I put
13:41
Speaker 10: that same alarm clock in the cemetery. Ain't nobody getting up?
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Speaker 10: So it's something deeper in that relation. But I think
13:51
Speaker 10: it's more my spiritual uh, which also my Because of
13:54
Speaker 10: my spiritual connection, it allowed me to connect to myself
13:58
Speaker 10: put myself first, which means you know I'm big and
14:00
Speaker 10: working out on big and eating right because I can't
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Speaker 10: do nothing nobody from my family if I'm not together myself.
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Speaker 2: Amen. Amen, he's right on point.
14:14
Speaker 3: If nobody else has to share, we have any listeners
14:16
Speaker 3: out there, we're not going to forget about you. If
14:19
Speaker 3: you've been walking this journey with us, we want to
14:23
Speaker 3: hear from you as well, so you can put it
14:25
Speaker 3: in the chat. We are just for you because you
14:28
Speaker 3: maybe have just purchased a book well paid eighteen and
14:32
Speaker 3: I want to know what commitment did you make to yourself?
14:35
Speaker 3: Put it in the chat, let us know, and then
14:38
Speaker 3: let us know what changes have you noticed in your
14:40
Speaker 3: emotional well being since honoring that commitment to pause, to feel,
14:46
Speaker 3: or to hear. Doctor Stevens, We're honored to have you
14:49
Speaker 3: back with us tonight. As always, we're honored to have
14:52
Speaker 3: you here as we reflect on the commitments that we
14:57
Speaker 3: made to ourselves from the workbook, many of which deal
15:01
Speaker 3: with permitting ourselves to feel, to heal, and to stop
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Speaker 3: hiding behind survival.
15:06
Speaker 2: I would love your clinical insight on that.
15:12
Speaker 11: Okay, and well, First, I want to say good evening
15:14
Speaker 11: to our panelists.
15:17
Speaker 5: I want to say.
15:18
Speaker 11: Good evening to everybody who watch, who is watching with
15:22
Speaker 11: us live and those who will be coming on with
15:25
Speaker 11: us being.
15:27
Speaker 5: Watching the replay, and so.
15:33
Speaker 11: Ms donal, can you repeat your question so I can
15:36
Speaker 11: make sure that I'm hitting on the right points here.
15:39
Speaker 11: Repeat that questions as we as the panelists and those
15:44
Speaker 11: viewers as well as we reflect on the commitments that
15:47
Speaker 11: we made to ourselves, many of which deal with permitting
15:51
Speaker 11: ourselves to feel, to heal and to stop hiding behind survival.
15:57
Speaker 11: I just want to know your clinical insight on that. Okay,
16:01
Speaker 11: So to feel to heal and and you said some
16:10
Speaker 11: three really profound things. We could probably do a whole
16:14
Speaker 11: show just if we dedicated ourselves each one of those
16:19
Speaker 11: things individually. So uh, As far as feeling to feel,
16:25
Speaker 11: that that is going to come quite naturally, because because
16:29
Speaker 11: we are human beings and so we are going we're
16:33
Speaker 11: going to feel now when we go over to heal.
16:37
Speaker 11: That is another step, because we have to be able
16:41
Speaker 11: to identify what it is that we're feeling. Sometimes sometimes
16:47
Speaker 11: people don't necessarily know what it is that they are
16:52
Speaker 11: feeling because they have spent so much time masking what
16:58
Speaker 11: they're feeling, not properly labeling feeling. When I use the
17:04
Speaker 11: term labeling when I'm working with children in the public
17:07
Speaker 11: school system, I have an exercise that I call label
17:12
Speaker 11: both feelings, and I do that with children and as
17:17
Speaker 11: don't we need to do that as well. But I
17:18
Speaker 11: do that with children because with both children, they have
17:22
Speaker 11: not developed their emotional vocabulary. They don't know how to
17:27
Speaker 11: articulate what that they're feeling. So I asked them label
17:33
Speaker 11: that feeling. You know, I am now putting them in
17:36
Speaker 11: a place where they have to think about, Okay, am
17:40
Speaker 11: I mad am, I sad? Am I angry? Am I healthy?
17:44
Speaker 11: And we really have to do the same thing for self.
17:49
Speaker 11: We have to be able to one label exactly what
17:53
Speaker 11: it is that we're feeling, because if we don't label
17:55
Speaker 11: our feelings, we're not able to articulate to other people
18:00
Speaker 11: what it is that we're feeling.
18:01
Speaker 5: We can we can.
18:04
Speaker 11: Demonstrate behaviors, you know that says to other people, Oh,
18:09
Speaker 11: maybe she's mad. In reality, maybe it's not that I'm
18:14
Speaker 11: really mad or angry. Maybe I'm fruststrated or I'm sad,
18:20
Speaker 11: but it looks like anger. So I would say, you know,
18:23
Speaker 11: in terms of feeling, in order to heal, we need
18:26
Speaker 11: to first and foremost identify what that feeling is, and
18:31
Speaker 11: we do that by spending time with ourselves.
18:35
Speaker 5: When you ask the panel.
18:37
Speaker 11: What was what did they work or what was their
18:40
Speaker 11: emotional homework for the week, that was, certainly minds was
18:44
Speaker 11: to be more in tuned with what it is that
18:48
Speaker 11: I'm feeling, and that requires sometimes taking a pause of
18:52
Speaker 11: allowing yourself to get quiet within your spirit so that
18:56
Speaker 11: you're able to identify what you're feeling. Once we're able
18:59
Speaker 11: to ident by what we're feeling, then we can move healing.
19:03
Speaker 11: And then we have to give ourselves permission to feel
19:07
Speaker 11: what it is that we are feeling. Give yourself permission
19:11
Speaker 11: to be angry for a moment, give yourself permission to
19:14
Speaker 11: be set for a moment, because, as I always say
19:17
Speaker 11: each and every show, it's okay to not be okay.
19:22
Speaker 2: So from your perspective as a mental health therapist, why
19:25
Speaker 2: is it so difficult for many of us, especially black women,
19:30
Speaker 2: to give our self permission to poise and feel.
19:35
Speaker 5: That's a very good question, MS.
19:39
Speaker 11: Black, and one of those that's one of those questions
19:43
Speaker 11: that could definitely take up about two or three shows,
19:46
Speaker 11: if not not one. But I'll try my best to
19:50
Speaker 11: put out an answer, and I want to say hello
19:53
Speaker 11: to the guests that are joining us on tonight. I
19:55
Speaker 11: will try my best to give us someone of a condensed.
19:59
Speaker 5: And sir.
20:00
Speaker 11: So as a I'll have to answer it from a
20:03
Speaker 11: cultural perspective, and I happen to be a therapist that
20:08
Speaker 11: is culturally cognizant because the majority of the people that
20:13
Speaker 11: I work with are from the African American culture. But
20:18
Speaker 11: as a culture, when we start to examine the things,
20:23
Speaker 11: the disparities that we experience as a culture, as a people,
20:29
Speaker 11: and there are many I oftentimes when I'm asked to
20:33
Speaker 11: grace a platform and I talk about black people in
20:38
Speaker 11: antiquity and you know, our experience and what.
20:43
Speaker 5: Has happened to us.
20:45
Speaker 11: I like to talk about that subject because it explains
20:49
Speaker 11: where we are in the present, but due to some
20:52
Speaker 11: of the psychological disparities that we faced and are still facing,
20:59
Speaker 11: because there are many of those things that we had
21:03
Speaker 11: not properly identified and properly taken the time to heal
21:09
Speaker 11: from those things. These those those disparities are things that
21:15
Speaker 11: constantly can cause us to suppress what it is that
21:21
Speaker 11: we are feeling. Let me make it, Let me try
21:25
Speaker 11: to make this a little bit more practical. You know,
21:28
Speaker 11: as human beings, we want to be quote good people.
21:34
Speaker 11: We want to be good people, especially if you're in
21:36
Speaker 11: the faith based community. We want to be good people.
21:41
Speaker 11: We don't want to talk about bad things. All of that, Okay,
21:46
Speaker 11: So we tend to not discuss or talk about traumatic things,
21:53
Speaker 11: and we use other kinds of language in order to cover.
21:59
Speaker 5: Those things up.
22:00
Speaker 11: And we do ourselves with we do ourselves with disservice
22:05
Speaker 11: when we do that. And so one of the disservices
22:09
Speaker 11: that we do to ourselves is that when we suppress ourselves,
22:15
Speaker 11: because we have been oppressed and suppressed, when we suppress ourselves,
22:22
Speaker 11: it causes us not to be able to deal with
22:26
Speaker 11: the reality of the problem or the situation. So I
22:31
Speaker 11: would say, in a short answer, greatly due to many
22:36
Speaker 11: of the social disparities that as a culture that we
22:39
Speaker 11: face in antiquity, and many of the social disparities that
22:43
Speaker 11: we face now. Those are things that add to reasons
22:49
Speaker 11: why we are oftentimes very very suppressed people and don't
22:55
Speaker 11: give ourself permission to have a voice and to talk
23:00
Speaker 11: about what it is that is going on with us,
23:04
Speaker 11: what has gone on with us, what is bothering us?
23:09
Speaker 11: What has bothered us that we see in our family?
23:13
Speaker 11: Because certainly we see family, we can whole generations of
23:17
Speaker 11: families who have who have made it a habit which
23:21
Speaker 11: turned into a behavior of not talking about things where
23:26
Speaker 11: we as a black culture, we get the most the
23:30
Speaker 11: most famous saying and if I started off, I guarantee
23:34
Speaker 11: that every person of color would be able to finish
23:37
Speaker 11: this sentence, what goes on in this house? And everybody
23:42
Speaker 11: would say what would everybody say?
23:46
Speaker 4: House?
23:48
Speaker 5: We all, we all grew up with that.
23:52
Speaker 11: And I understand why our moms and grandmothers said that,
23:55
Speaker 11: because they wanted to be able to ensure a certain
23:58
Speaker 11: amount of prophecy when it came to family.
24:00
Speaker 5: But that saying along refirst, over many.
24:04
Speaker 11: Many generations, has caused our culture and community a whole
24:08
Speaker 11: lot of damage because there were from me, things that
24:12
Speaker 11: took place in our houses that we did not talk
24:16
Speaker 11: about and we are still not talking about. But thank
24:20
Speaker 11: God for this platform because now we have an opportunity.
24:23
Speaker 5: To be able to talk about those things.
24:26
Speaker 3: So we talked about the woman. What about the black
24:29
Speaker 3: man who sometimes it appears as though he's self taught
24:34
Speaker 3: to suppress his emotions.
24:39
Speaker 11: Well, I want to say this because I'd like to
24:41
Speaker 11: hear from I like to hear from our kings when
24:43
Speaker 11: it comes to that, because I wrote a book called
24:47
Speaker 11: I Am a Black Man. I wrote that book, which
24:50
Speaker 11: was one of my best selling books. I wrote that
24:53
Speaker 11: book because as a black woman, so first I wrote
24:57
Speaker 11: I Am a Black Woman. In the middle of publishing book.
25:02
Speaker 11: A lot of those women when they talked about their disparities,
25:06
Speaker 11: there was always a central character in their story or
25:10
Speaker 11: their narrative, which was the man. And I thought, as
25:13
Speaker 11: a black woman, I would like to hear from the
25:17
Speaker 11: black man about their experiences. But this is what I
25:22
Speaker 11: said to the eight co authors, who were all men
25:25
Speaker 11: ranging in ages. I said to them when they came
25:28
Speaker 11: on the project, I would like to hear from you
25:32
Speaker 11: as a black man.
25:33
Speaker 5: I'd like to.
25:34
Speaker 11: Hear your experiences, your feelings, and this is a no
25:39
Speaker 11: judgment zone. I'd like to hear the good, the bad,
25:43
Speaker 11: and ugly indifferent and so to respond to what you're saying.
25:47
Speaker 5: And I'd certainly like to hear from our kings.
25:49
Speaker 11: I think that for black men, black men first and foremost,
25:53
Speaker 11: let's put this out here.
25:54
Speaker 5: They have a lot to say. Black men have a
25:57
Speaker 5: whole lot to say. They have a lot to say.
26:00
Speaker 5: Women have a lot to say.
26:01
Speaker 11: Unfortunately, sometimes and I'll say more times than other others,
26:07
Speaker 11: we as a society, we as women, do not create
26:13
Speaker 11: environments that are conducive to conducive for them to feel
26:18
Speaker 11: free to express how they feel without having the fear
26:24
Speaker 11: of judgment. And so sometimes they just don't say anything.
26:27
Speaker 11: And how that looks in our community and how that
26:31
Speaker 11: looks in our household. Is that grandpa or great grandpa
26:35
Speaker 11: he was in the home, but he was emotionally unavailable.
26:40
Speaker 5: Dad in the home, but.
26:43
Speaker 11: He was a quiet figure. He was emotionally unavailable. We
26:48
Speaker 11: saw Dad there, but we never heard from Dad. Dad
26:52
Speaker 11: didn't really engage. But unfortunately, because Dad or granddad or
26:57
Speaker 11: great grandpa felt suppressed, there were there were consequences of
27:03
Speaker 11: him being suppressed because he exhibited behaviors in the private
27:10
Speaker 11: in private, because he was often suppressed by society, suppressed
27:14
Speaker 11: in his home, suppressed in his community.
27:17
Speaker 5: So that's my.
27:18
Speaker 11: Statement on that, and I certainly would love to hear
27:22
Speaker 11: from our pinions you are here, I definitely yeah.
27:24
Speaker 2: From him.
27:25
Speaker 3: We have some people that are chiming in as well.
27:28
Speaker 3: We have Trivida who said that she definitely heard that
27:31
Speaker 3: growing up. And then we have Keana who says that
27:35
Speaker 3: they fear of being judged and male bashing. So that's
27:40
Speaker 3: that's some of the And I do hello to everyone here, Trivita,
27:44
Speaker 3: d D and thank you so much for joining us.
27:48
Speaker 2: But yes, let's hear from from the men.
27:50
Speaker 3: Do you feel as though that you suppress your emotions,
27:55
Speaker 3: that you're taught to suppress your emotions.
28:03
Speaker 6: I'm gonna get get the short to Tony first.
28:09
Speaker 4: Okay, thank you, thank you, thank you brother.
28:11
Speaker 10: I would say it started from a childhood. You know,
28:17
Speaker 10: I'm an eighties baby, and I grew up. You know,
28:19
Speaker 10: I remember dad saying or if I when I fell
28:21
Speaker 10: off my boxy, get up, shake it off. Boys don't cry.
28:25
Speaker 10: I remember, you know, hearing that several times. Uh So,
28:30
Speaker 10: even at a younger age, I would never talk that
28:33
Speaker 10: it's okay to cry by a certain things, it's okay
28:35
Speaker 10: to e spress yourself as a man. I was talked
28:38
Speaker 10: to holding in and with my dad being in the house.
28:42
Speaker 10: I don't recall my dad saying I love you verbally.
28:46
Speaker 10: I know he loved me because of things he did,
28:50
Speaker 10: but I don't recall him, you know, you know, hugging
28:52
Speaker 10: me or telling me something.
28:54
Speaker 4: I love you.
28:55
Speaker 10: You know, we know our dad love us because you know,
28:57
Speaker 10: he's paying the bills and he's buying the he's taking
29:01
Speaker 10: care of it.
29:01
Speaker 4: Her responsibility.
29:03
Speaker 10: But we have to also remember that, for example, my
29:07
Speaker 10: dad lost his dad at a young age. So my
29:10
Speaker 10: dad lost his dad at nine years old. So my
29:12
Speaker 10: dad had to learn how to be a father.
29:14
Speaker 4: You know.
29:15
Speaker 10: He never is something like, it's no book for it.
29:17
Speaker 10: So he did the best he could with what he knew.
29:20
Speaker 10: And I took the good things from what he did
29:23
Speaker 10: and I kind of used that in my life. But
29:25
Speaker 10: so now I tell my son it's okay to express
29:28
Speaker 10: yourself as a young man. It's okay to cry you
29:31
Speaker 10: need to. You know, we can't cry about everything, you know,
29:33
Speaker 10: that's not what men do. But it's okay to express yourself.
29:36
Speaker 10: So I'm still learning how to be the best dad
29:39
Speaker 10: I can. You know, it's it's a process. I'm learning
29:42
Speaker 10: how to be a man. You know, it's something I
29:44
Speaker 10: did not learn. But expressing ourself is something is a
29:47
Speaker 10: it's a learned behavior because for most of us, it's
29:50
Speaker 10: not taught, you know, especially coming up in the in
29:53
Speaker 10: the hood, in the projects. You gotta be tough, you
29:56
Speaker 10: know what I mean. You can't be soft. And for
29:58
Speaker 10: some reason, in the black community, expressing yourself as a man,
30:01
Speaker 10: it look at it as being a soft version. And
30:04
Speaker 10: you know, nowadays you have to be real, real, connaissant,
30:09
Speaker 10: being emotional because of the world is trying to take
30:14
Speaker 10: our masculinity away.
30:15
Speaker 4: The world is.
30:16
Speaker 10: Trying to to demasculate us men. But the Bible says
30:22
Speaker 10: God created man, damn woman, So we are important and
30:25
Speaker 10: the world is trying to take that away from us.
30:27
Speaker 10: So us men have to stand up and take our
30:31
Speaker 10: appropriate position, which is the head of the household. We
30:36
Speaker 10: are we are first, and when you are first, there's
30:39
Speaker 10: a responsibility that comes with being first, because somebody somewhere
30:42
Speaker 10: is watching you and learning from you because we are first.
30:46
Speaker 10: So it is a learned behavior and it is something that
30:49
Speaker 10: we got to constantly work on. It's not it's not
30:51
Speaker 10: gonna happen overnight, not gonna It might take years for
30:53
Speaker 10: us as a as a black culture, especially as a
30:56
Speaker 10: black man, to get to the point where we can say, hey, man,
30:59
Speaker 10: I love you, man, keep up the good work. And
31:01
Speaker 10: that's something all the time with my friends. You know,
31:03
Speaker 10: some of them are a great husband. I tell them, hey,
31:05
Speaker 10: keep up the good work, and it's surprising that they
31:08
Speaker 10: don't hear it enough.
31:09
Speaker 4: I might be.
31:10
Speaker 10: In the store see a random black man or a
31:13
Speaker 10: random man period with his kids, and I say, hey,
31:16
Speaker 10: keep up the good work. I see you, and you
31:17
Speaker 10: should see the smile on their face. You should see
31:19
Speaker 10: a man thank you. I appreciate that because that's not
31:21
Speaker 10: something we do as me and we got to learn
31:24
Speaker 10: how to encourage each other a lot more than better
31:26
Speaker 10: rather than tend each other down.
31:28
Speaker 4: So, brother, how please add.
31:31
Speaker 3: You're absolutely right. I'm gonna just chime in before BG does.
31:36
Speaker 3: I heard that growing up that you don't cry. But
31:40
Speaker 3: the thing about it was it was told to me.
31:42
Speaker 3: I grew up with the five brothers, and they would
31:44
Speaker 3: tell me you're not supposed to cry. You're not supposed
31:46
Speaker 3: to cry. So I grew up saying that I'm not
31:48
Speaker 3: supposed to be supposed tough it out. But I'm looking
31:51
Speaker 3: at them like I'm your sister, I'm not your brother.
31:54
Speaker 3: But that's that's just the way that I am. Now,
31:57
Speaker 3: you know, you just don't cry for whatever it is
32:00
Speaker 3: you don't cry. So when I take pain and things
32:04
Speaker 3: just don't bother me, you know. And I said, it's
32:07
Speaker 3: because they always told me you just don't cry.
32:09
Speaker 2: I never knew.
32:11
Speaker 3: Why they say you don't cry, and especially me being
32:15
Speaker 3: the system. You're telling me not to cry. And I
32:18
Speaker 3: bet you boohoo it in the bathroom or something, but
32:20
Speaker 3: they told me it's not to cry.
32:23
Speaker 5: Go ahead, DG.
32:25
Speaker 6: It was an interesting dynamic because I unaffordunate well, however
32:32
Speaker 6: you look at it, fortunately or unfortunately, I don't have.
32:36
Speaker 7: Much recollection of my my past. You know, my father
32:42
Speaker 7: passed away several years ago.
32:45
Speaker 6: And I think the best example that I've gotten scripturally,
32:51
Speaker 6: you know, uh, as mister Tony was saying, the Bible
32:55
Speaker 6: teaches us, you know, our responsibility. And I'm very very
33:00
Speaker 6: intentional about my responsibility as the man quote unquote head
33:05
Speaker 6: of household.
33:08
Speaker 7: I'm very very.
33:11
Speaker 6: At about the fact that you know, like me or
33:15
Speaker 6: dislike me, I really don't.
33:16
Speaker 7: Care, but respect me. I give you a choice by.
33:22
Speaker 6: The same token that demands that I also respect the
33:25
Speaker 6: next man. You know, I'm not really I'm not really.
33:32
Speaker 7: I look at all men. It's the same, you know.
33:34
Speaker 6: There there are struggles that we as a black man
33:36
Speaker 6: and endure a lot of that at the hands of
33:41
Speaker 6: you know, other races.
33:43
Speaker 7: But I'm one who.
33:47
Speaker 6: I would mean sure to take on the responsibility of
33:50
Speaker 6: myself for myself then try to blame or point fingers
33:54
Speaker 6: in someone else, you know, the the ideology. Think probably
34:00
Speaker 6: the two to to to best books I read or
34:05
Speaker 6: have read the Bible, and I keep I have repeated
34:09
Speaker 6: this before. Men are from margin from being, and those
34:14
Speaker 6: two books have given me a unique perspective on the
34:19
Speaker 6: male psyche.
34:21
Speaker 4: Uh.
34:22
Speaker 6: I do a lot of research. I'm I'm I'm a
34:26
Speaker 6: weekly columnist for the newspaper back home in Georgia, but
34:30
Speaker 6: do a lot of research. And you know, one of
34:32
Speaker 6: the things that I'm a big proponent of is you know,
34:36
Speaker 6: you you educate yourself, you know, improve your knowledge. And
34:41
Speaker 6: when it comes to men and and the dynamic of
34:45
Speaker 6: our position in the world, the ugly truth of the
34:49
Speaker 6: matter is with the little man on the tone, you
34:53
Speaker 6: know this, with you this. My wife and I were
35:01
Speaker 6: watching a documentary earlier today and it talked about how
35:08
Speaker 6: the black heritage has literally been stolen. If you look
35:13
Speaker 6: at every major continent in this world, on every every
35:19
Speaker 6: major continent indigenous people were black. They educated us and
35:26
Speaker 6: tell us that we were brought over here on slave ships. No,
35:31
Speaker 6: there were not that many slave ships they brought that
35:33
Speaker 6: many people. The indigenous people in this company were black.
35:40
Speaker 6: It's just it's just something that you know been it's
35:43
Speaker 6: a misnomer. We've been miseducated, and you know, like I said,
35:47
Speaker 6: our heritage has been stolen.
35:50
Speaker 3: I'm not you need to be teaching or the teachers
35:53
Speaker 3: need to be teaching our children. That's in school, that's
35:56
Speaker 3: hearing different stories and most of those history books have
36:00
Speaker 3: been tainted that have thearn us to know but so
36:04
Speaker 3: much but not enough about our own culture. And then
36:07
Speaker 3: that comes from us where we have to continue to
36:10
Speaker 3: educate our own because nobody else is going to do that,
36:15
Speaker 3: so they're limiting things that's in the schools now.
36:18
Speaker 2: So I get that, and I implored you for saying that.
36:21
Speaker 7: We have.
36:23
Speaker 3: DDI who says, thank you for this conversation. It's a
36:26
Speaker 3: conversation we definitely need to have as a person. We
36:31
Speaker 3: have Keana saying our older generation we're children then parents.
36:38
Speaker 3: Our generations are now adults having children. Travita chimes in
36:43
Speaker 3: and says that it's the same thing for her. She
36:47
Speaker 3: has five brothers, five boys, and that's exactly what they said. So,
36:54
Speaker 3: you know, for those who thank you so much, thank
36:57
Speaker 3: you doctor Stevenson, and for you gentlemen for chiming in.
37:00
Speaker 2: For those listeners who are just beginning.
37:02
Speaker 3: To make space for healing and who might feel uncomfortable
37:05
Speaker 3: sitting in stillness or confronting their emotions. I want you
37:09
Speaker 3: to come up with yourself, because I'm gonna ask you
37:11
Speaker 3: next week, what's one practical step or daily practice that
37:16
Speaker 3: you recommend to yourself to start honoring a commitment or
37:23
Speaker 3: real life commitment for you. Because today's focus, we're challenging
37:27
Speaker 3: ourselves to create an acronym using our own words or quotes,
37:32
Speaker 3: something that gives new meaning to a term that reflects being.
37:35
Speaker 2: Broken or wounded.
37:37
Speaker 3: The goal is to reclaim and infuse that word with power,
37:42
Speaker 3: intention and healing.
37:45
Speaker 2: That's the word that I chose.
37:47
Speaker 3: I chose healing, and I broke it down as an
37:50
Speaker 3: acronym healing in life, invigorating, and nourishing along with glorified.
38:03
Speaker 3: So I chose that as my acronym because healing isn't
38:06
Speaker 3: just about recovery, It's about transformation. I chose words that
38:11
Speaker 3: reflect the acts of pain and the presence of renewal.
38:15
Speaker 3: Each word in the acronym speaks of the strength and
38:18
Speaker 3: the greats that can come from even our.
38:21
Speaker 2: Worst wounded pieces.
38:24
Speaker 3: So now I like to turn it over to you
38:27
Speaker 3: to tell me what are some of the acronyms that
38:30
Speaker 3: you guys came up with.
38:34
Speaker 9: I'll take it if that's okay, So I'll say I
38:38
Speaker 9: came up with fadar. And this is something that I
38:42
Speaker 9: also included in my course that when things are because
38:47
Speaker 9: what we a lot of times when we are dealing
38:49
Speaker 9: with pain and dealing with things that are going on
38:51
Speaker 9: in our lives, we constantly are reliving them on an
38:57
Speaker 9: everyday basis. And when you relive them, they're they're new,
39:01
Speaker 9: they're they're they're not as if they happen, is that
39:04
Speaker 9: they're continually happening. So what I what this is something
39:08
Speaker 9: that I used when I when I first was making
39:11
Speaker 9: the decision that I was going to forgive situations in
39:14
Speaker 9: my life and allow myself to continually move forward.
39:19
Speaker 5: And what I use is fadar.
39:22
Speaker 9: When something comes up and I become aware of it,
39:26
Speaker 9: focus that it happened acknowledge that it has happened, debunk
39:31
Speaker 9: that has any relevance on my current situation, elevate above it,
39:37
Speaker 9: and and reclaim myself in those moments. Oh, that is
39:43
Speaker 9: what I call fade are and and that allows me
39:47
Speaker 9: to as those things were coming to me and notledge
39:50
Speaker 9: that they happen. I don't I don't want to tell
39:53
Speaker 9: myself something didn't happen. We want to We want to
39:55
Speaker 9: always grow from situations good, badd and different. So I
40:03
Speaker 9: utilize that as a way to acknowledge that, yes, something
40:07
Speaker 9: in my past has hurt me, but it does not,
40:11
Speaker 9: it will not continually hurt. It has no relevance on
40:15
Speaker 9: my current life, on my future self. My self worth
40:19
Speaker 9: is not tied into whatever took place. So I utilized
40:24
Speaker 9: that acronym to come back and reclaim my power in
40:29
Speaker 9: every situation. And then that allows me to elevate above
40:33
Speaker 9: it and say to myself, it happened, I survived it.
40:38
Speaker 5: Now let's thrive.
40:41
Speaker 9: And that's what I put in my pis and fire
40:44
Speaker 9: exactly because that everything everyone, everyone goes through something in
40:48
Speaker 9: their life and being able to go through it, get
40:51
Speaker 9: past it, tell that story without reliving it. Because when
40:55
Speaker 9: I tell the stories in my book, I didn't relive
40:57
Speaker 9: those moments. I was so far away from that person.
41:01
Speaker 9: I've grown much in the twenty five years or thirty
41:04
Speaker 9: years from the activities that happened in that book, and
41:10
Speaker 9: I was more proud of myself that I didn't digress
41:14
Speaker 9: on writing it.
41:16
Speaker 5: I was still empowered.
41:21
Speaker 3: To coming up acronym and understanding your acronym as far
41:27
Speaker 3: as who you are, any is anybody else that want
41:29
Speaker 3: to share with their acroment is.
41:35
Speaker 7: The one that I hurt.
41:40
Speaker 6: It's you are to harboring, harboring unresolved the unaddressed relationship traumas,
41:51
Speaker 6: and obviously to hold onto something like that, it can
41:59
Speaker 6: stay any any phase of growth in your life.
42:04
Speaker 7: So like anything else you know.
42:08
Speaker 6: As as as as doctor Doctor Callen was saying earlier,
42:14
Speaker 6: if you don't address it, you don't deal with it.
42:18
Speaker 7: Then you can't get over it.
42:20
Speaker 6: And in order to address the concerns, those hurts, you
42:26
Speaker 6: have to address those, deal with those, and overcome those
42:31
Speaker 6: to be able to even continue one in life.
42:44
Speaker 3: It's so important in this season and us as a
42:50
Speaker 3: black culture must now share with our our sons that
42:56
Speaker 3: it is okay to feel and with feeling comes healing it.
43:02
Speaker 2: If we don't.
43:04
Speaker 3: Start now sharing that with them, we will be responsible
43:09
Speaker 3: for the consequences they will face. Yes, yes, she says
43:13
Speaker 3: our generations now, are our babies having babies? Yes, they are.
43:21
Speaker 3: I see it all the time. But we must not
43:23
Speaker 3: be silent in that in this issue. And I get
43:29
Speaker 3: that you just see that their babies having babies. So
43:31
Speaker 3: and this is why I say sometimes traditional grandparents to me,
43:37
Speaker 3: a traditional grandparent parent right now in this age would
43:41
Speaker 3: at least be forty years old. I can't see mighty
43:44
Speaker 3: being thirty years old being a grandparent. I understand that
43:47
Speaker 3: happened hundreds of years ago, but things are different.
43:50
Speaker 2: Things are definitely different.
43:52
Speaker 4: Now.
43:52
Speaker 3: I'd like to turn this over to doctor Stevens. Doctor Stevens,
43:55
Speaker 3: as we explore this idea of reclaiming brokenness through words,
44:00
Speaker 3: using acronyms like healing new meaning to pain, what are
44:04
Speaker 3: your thoughts on the power of language in the healing process?
44:11
Speaker 11: My thoughts on the power of language. That is what
44:20
Speaker 11: component is very important when we talk about the process
44:27
Speaker 11: of healing. The work that I do is focused on language.
44:35
Speaker 11: It is me listening to what people have to say
44:41
Speaker 11: and helping them to develop what emotional language and in
44:48
Speaker 11: turn being able to respond.
44:51
Speaker 5: To what they have said to me.
44:54
Speaker 11: So the component of language is going to be most
45:00
Speaker 11: integral when it comes to healing. When you think about
45:07
Speaker 11: us as a diaspora, one of the first things that
45:12
Speaker 11: happened to us is that we our language was stolen.
45:22
Speaker 11: The ability for us to speak, first of all in
45:26
Speaker 11: our native tongue, that was stolen when we migrated and
45:31
Speaker 11: came here to America. But that those things, those things
45:35
Speaker 11: were snatched. When we talk about signs of trauma or
45:40
Speaker 11: things that contribute to people being suppressed, trauma is one
45:44
Speaker 11: of them. And one of those causes is when you
45:49
Speaker 11: put people in an unfamiliar environment, when you take them
45:54
Speaker 11: out of their natural object that is, that's that.
45:58
Speaker 5: That causes people to be suppressed.
46:02
Speaker 11: You can think that in this way, if you go
46:05
Speaker 11: to a new place where you've never been for just
46:08
Speaker 11: a moment or two, you're going to feel a bit
46:11
Speaker 11: apprehensive about speaking or communicating in that environment or in
46:16
Speaker 11: that building or that event. You may have to warm
46:20
Speaker 11: up to it before you start feeling free enough to
46:24
Speaker 11: be able to communicate. So if we take that same
46:27
Speaker 11: concept and we magnify that over a period of four
46:31
Speaker 11: hundred and fifty years for some people.
46:35
Speaker 5: I agree with my brother DG.
46:37
Speaker 11: Because all of us that wasn't that wasn't all of
46:40
Speaker 11: our experience as indigenous people, a great majority of us
46:45
Speaker 11: that we were snatched out of our natural habitat and
46:50
Speaker 11: we were brought to an unfamiliar territory where we heard
46:56
Speaker 11: people talking in a language that we did not understand,
47:00
Speaker 11: and that hindered us from being able to communicate with them,
47:05
Speaker 11: and they certainly could not communicate, you know, positively anyway
47:11
Speaker 11: with us. So you know, language can be a barrier
47:18
Speaker 11: to healing when you don't understand what a person is
47:22
Speaker 11: saying emotionally. That is the reason why a part of
47:27
Speaker 11: our journey of healing is to be able to develop
47:32
Speaker 11: your emotional vocabulary. And I'd like for everybody to remember
47:36
Speaker 11: that on the panel and those that are viewing, what
47:38
Speaker 11: does your emotional vocabulary look like? If you say, oh,
47:42
Speaker 11: my children don't have me, my husband doesn't understand me,
47:45
Speaker 11: my partner doesn't understand me. But could it be that
47:49
Speaker 11: they don't understand you, Not because they don't want to
47:52
Speaker 11: understand you, but it could it be that they don't
47:55
Speaker 11: understand your language, you're what you're speaking. So that's why
47:59
Speaker 11: it it's important to be able to develop your emotional vocabulary,
48:05
Speaker 11: to be able to have conversations where you say, Okay, when.
48:09
Speaker 5: I say this, this is what I mean.
48:13
Speaker 11: When I say that, that is what I that is
48:16
Speaker 11: what I meant.
48:17
Speaker 5: Because when we don't we don't do that, then there's
48:21
Speaker 5: a lot in communication that can can become very muffled. Okay,
48:27
Speaker 5: So language is a very important key when it comes
48:31
Speaker 5: to healing. And I'll say this one is important, and
48:33
Speaker 5: I'll step back. When our ancestors were on those.
48:37
Speaker 11: Slave ships, one of the things and we've seen this
48:40
Speaker 11: in movies, but one of the things that they did
48:43
Speaker 11: what many of them thought about, Okay, there are other
48:47
Speaker 11: people here that understand my tongue, that understand my native language.
48:51
Speaker 11: So let me get together with those people who understand
48:54
Speaker 11: my language so that we can form a sense of
48:58
Speaker 11: community even though we're in a traumatic situation. But the
49:02
Speaker 11: point here is that they knew that it was going
49:05
Speaker 11: to be detrimental to their survival on those ships, on
49:09
Speaker 11: for their survival.
49:11
Speaker 5: For wherever it is that they were going.
49:13
Speaker 11: They knew was very important that they form some level
49:19
Speaker 11: of a communication system. I say that to all of
49:23
Speaker 11: us listening here tonight, is that you know, for the
49:26
Speaker 11: most part, most of us that are here tonight, we
49:29
Speaker 11: speak the English language. But I'm not talking about the
49:32
Speaker 11: English language. I am mainly referring to our emotional language.
49:37
Speaker 11: That we have to be more intentional, as Coach Rachel
49:41
Speaker 11: would say, we have to be more intentional about one
49:44
Speaker 11: developing our emotional vocabulary, to developing that emotional vocabulary to
49:51
Speaker 11: the point that the community that you work in, that
49:55
Speaker 11: you navigate in, that you're the part of that they
49:59
Speaker 11: understand and what it is that you're communicating when you
50:03
Speaker 11: say these things or do these things. This is what
50:07
Speaker 11: This is what I mean when I say it, because
50:10
Speaker 11: there's so much that gets lost in so Yes, language,
50:16
Speaker 11: by far is one of the most important pieces of
50:20
Speaker 11: the healing process.
50:26
Speaker 3: BG had brought up, you know, us coming over on
50:30
Speaker 3: ships and who wasn't really on those ships, and how
50:34
Speaker 3: they're taking advantage of us because we all have a
50:36
Speaker 3: purpose here on earth. But purpose isn't just about what
50:39
Speaker 3: we do. It's about how we show up in the
50:42
Speaker 3: world even when we are broken or here. So I
50:45
Speaker 3: want to ask you a question, what does it I
50:47
Speaker 3: want each one of you to think about it. What
50:49
Speaker 3: does it truly mean to walk in your purpose, especially
50:53
Speaker 3: amid pain, transition or transformation. What does it truly mean
50:59
Speaker 3: to walk in your purpose?
51:02
Speaker 4: Well?
51:02
Speaker 2: Do you even know what your purpose is?
51:05
Speaker 3: Especially when you're going through pay transition or transformation.
51:13
Speaker 2: I like the answer. Yes. Please.
51:17
Speaker 12: First of all, I want to ask you off for
51:20
Speaker 12: to forgive me for my tardiness coming in. I had
51:23
Speaker 12: some other issues that came up, and then I had
51:26
Speaker 12: a little power outage and try to get in on
51:29
Speaker 12: my mobile phone. And I think I did more knowing. Okay,
51:33
Speaker 12: now listen, So I do understand my purpose. Now, I've
51:39
Speaker 12: heard such wonderful things tonight, But I understand that my
51:43
Speaker 12: purpose has a minimum amount of what I do and
51:48
Speaker 12: a maximum amount of who I am. I was not
51:52
Speaker 12: created as just a one dimensional being. I am a
51:56
Speaker 12: triune being. I am a body of spirit and a soul. Yes,
52:00
Speaker 12: my emotions are in the party. It's beautiful makeup called Bobby,
52:05
Speaker 12: and so as I tried to find the functioning trauma
52:09
Speaker 12: of a whole lot of stuff, it was the healing
52:13
Speaker 12: says that I heard. Somebody said. I think it was
52:16
Speaker 12: Rachel that says yeah, I need to acknowledge this thing.
52:18
Speaker 12: I'm not gonna, you know, forever, keep it silent, and
52:22
Speaker 12: given voice means that we have to get a voice.
52:26
Speaker 12: And so I give all honor to the person who
52:29
Speaker 12: formed me in my mother's womb. He created me with
52:33
Speaker 12: my own voice, and he didn't tell me to be
52:35
Speaker 12: like my mama. And now I heard I should be
52:38
Speaker 12: like my mama or my daddy, because you know, you
52:40
Speaker 12: got those physical traits. But I heard a secret, and
52:44
Speaker 12: that is that no matter what my parents are like,
52:47
Speaker 12: no matter what my community's like, no matter what my
52:50
Speaker 12: race is like, I am not a duplicate of anything.
52:55
Speaker 2: I'm not a duplicate. But when I.
52:58
Speaker 12: Tried to form myself in even a family, I'm trying
53:02
Speaker 12: to create my identity and purpose in the system of
53:06
Speaker 12: my family. It was a failure. It produced it self
53:10
Speaker 12: inflicted wounds. So I'm already dealing with trauma. Now I'm
53:14
Speaker 12: adding and compounding self inflicted trauma. So doing my transition,
53:20
Speaker 12: what I learned for my healing was, Yeah, I'm gonna
53:24
Speaker 12: tell what happened to me. I'm gonna tell it. I'm
53:28
Speaker 12: not gonna say I dreamed it. Know it didn't happen,
53:30
Speaker 12: or look, worry about how it's gonna make somebody else
53:33
Speaker 12: feel Somewhere down the line. I had a tragic thing
53:37
Speaker 12: happened where I tried to talk about something that happened
53:40
Speaker 12: to me in a setting with with people I thought
53:43
Speaker 12: would be like, yeah, you know what, that's true, and
53:45
Speaker 12: they were the main one saying no, you got that wrong,
53:48
Speaker 12: or if you tell that, you're gonna cause a bigger problem.
53:51
Speaker 12: And that's my own that's my own race, that's my
53:54
Speaker 12: own family. Okay, that's my own.
54:01
Speaker 2: Age with them. Understand where you're coming from.
54:04
Speaker 12: Yeah, But the healing part, like you're saying to me,
54:07
Speaker 12: is I don't have I focus less on my purpose
54:10
Speaker 12: and more on my identity, and I find that nective.
54:14
Speaker 12: So that's why I'm even here on Basic Black After Dark,
54:18
Speaker 12: because the more I became me, the more opportunities opened
54:22
Speaker 12: up and chance and listen things that I didn't orchestrate
54:28
Speaker 12: manifested because I'm being me, not that I'm doing something.
54:34
Speaker 2: I'm being me, and I appreciate all of it.
54:37
Speaker 3: Somebody out because there's only one you, and we love
54:43
Speaker 3: you for that, for being just you and not trying
54:46
Speaker 3: to be a duplicate of anyone, and I appreciate that
54:51
Speaker 3: on this panel tonight, and if nobody else has anything
54:55
Speaker 3: to share, I have. Before we wrap up this segment,
54:59
Speaker 3: I want to check in has anyone completed the quotes
55:03
Speaker 3: that on page twenty one in the workbook. This section
55:06
Speaker 3: invites us to reflect on the words that speak life
55:09
Speaker 3: into our journey and those quotes inspire, they uplift, or
55:15
Speaker 3: they ground us in truth. Some people may have gotten
55:17
Speaker 3: something outside of it, but if you completed it, what
55:21
Speaker 3: quote resonates with you the most? And we are you
55:24
Speaker 3: in your healing or growth process? So when you read
55:27
Speaker 3: those quotes, what quote resonated with you the most? And
55:33
Speaker 3: as you figure that out, where were you in your
55:35
Speaker 3: healing process? The shouting out to you, Bobby saying well done,
55:49
Speaker 3: well done, that's queen, well done. Someone also mentioned that
55:53
Speaker 3: something about therapy. You can reach out to doctor Carolyn
55:57
Speaker 3: Stevens if you or someone you know may need that,
56:00
Speaker 3: and we'll make sure you get that information. So if
56:06
Speaker 3: I don't hear from anybody, I mean you're gonna have
56:08
Speaker 3: an extra assignment. All right now, I'm gonna move it
56:16
Speaker 3: on because we gotta be wrapping this up. And this
56:18
Speaker 3: goes to all listeners and our viewers too. If you've
56:20
Speaker 3: been following along with us and cracks in the surface
56:22
Speaker 3: strengths in the core, we want to hear from you too.
56:24
Speaker 3: So I'm gonna give you next week because we'll give
56:26
Speaker 3: you all that grace. I'm gonna give both of you,
56:28
Speaker 3: our panel and our listeners. All right, look at page
56:32
Speaker 3: twenty one, see which one resonates with you the most,
56:37
Speaker 3: and then let me know where you're at and.
56:39
Speaker 2: Your healing a growth process.
56:41
Speaker 3: You can drop it in the comments, you can share
56:43
Speaker 3: it and I chat, or you can post it using
56:46
Speaker 3: the hashtag not Easily Broken to uplift one another with
56:50
Speaker 3: worries that heal and empower. So and you prepare for
56:56
Speaker 3: our next panel, we'll explore healing and the real you.
57:01
Speaker 3: Once you're gonna you're gonna do. You're gonna go to
57:02
Speaker 3: page twenty two and twenty three of the work book
57:05
Speaker 3: now because you didn't get this assignment this week.
57:08
Speaker 2: Now you got twenty one and twenty three. Yes again,
57:14
Speaker 2: So I did it. I did it. Mine is here,
57:17
Speaker 2: So I don't want to hear nobody say you didn't
57:18
Speaker 2: do yours.
57:19
Speaker 5: I did.
57:20
Speaker 3: Mine is right here in this book. I make sure
57:23
Speaker 3: I do it. I see mineus right here. I got
57:26
Speaker 3: mine done. I'm gonna close it because I want to
57:28
Speaker 3: buy copy it. I got mine done.
57:34
Speaker 2: I do that work.
57:35
Speaker 3: I'm not saying that you don't, because I know everybody
57:37
Speaker 3: has a very busy life. But before we meet again,
57:40
Speaker 3: I want to leave you with this reflection. What small
57:45
Speaker 3: thing you can do this week to create space for
57:48
Speaker 3: your healing. It doesn't have to be big, it just
57:52
Speaker 3: has to be intentional.
57:54
Speaker 2: Also, I want.
57:55
Speaker 3: You, guys to begin in on working on your personal
57:59
Speaker 3: reference Prince God on page thirty four. This God will
58:03
Speaker 3: become a powerful tool for you. It's going to go
58:07
Speaker 3: with you as you continue to this journey. It's gonna
58:09
Speaker 3: be something that you can return to when where life
58:12
Speaker 3: gets loud and you need to reconnect your truth. It's
58:16
Speaker 3: really resources that's within your community. Some of them you
58:20
Speaker 3: may not even have known that's there. Some of them
58:23
Speaker 3: you may have thought it wasn't for you. Oh that's
58:25
Speaker 3: not me. For that's for somebody else. I don't need that.
58:28
Speaker 3: That's for these type of people. We are those type of.
58:30
Speaker 2: People we are. We deal with pain, we deal with her.
58:34
Speaker 3: So those are the things that I'm gonna be looking
58:37
Speaker 3: forward to next week. Well, no, I take that back.
58:40
Speaker 3: The next time we meet, and that's gonna be June,
58:44
Speaker 3: the sick we will meet. I want to thank you,
58:47
Speaker 3: doctor Carolyn Stevens for sharing your wisdom of course always
58:52
Speaker 3: your presence and truth in us tonight. Your voice continues
58:57
Speaker 3: to be a guy to night in this series, and
58:58
Speaker 3: I thank you so much.
59:00
Speaker 2: And I thank you to our amazing, our amazing panels
59:03
Speaker 2: who didn't do the work. Yep, I know you all, and.
59:07
Speaker 3: Every listener and viewer who shoved up for themselves by
59:11
Speaker 3: being here tonight. We'll see you next time. On Friday,
59:14
Speaker 3: June sixth I have two special guests, their authors, Baron
59:21
Speaker 3: mcnamore and Natalie Murphy. Now, don't forget to do your work,
59:27
Speaker 3: as we'll be back with our wonderful panel on June
59:30
Speaker 3: twentyth as we explore cracks in the surface and strengths
59:33
Speaker 3: in the cor not easily broken.
59:35
Speaker 2: Good night, everyone, have a wonderful night.
59:39
Speaker 3: For those of you who are listening, get the book,
59:45
Speaker 3: join us.
59:46
Speaker 2: Get the book a lot of fun with it.
59:48
Speaker 3: We do a lot of talk, but we get a
59:50
Speaker 3: lot out of it, and we share so much because
59:53
Speaker 3: what you may be holding in on the inside.
59:56
Speaker 2: Somebody else might.
59:57
Speaker 3: Be dealing with it as well. Once again, good night everybody,
1:00:02
Speaker 3: have a great weekend.
1:00:09
Speaker 10: M