Latest / Harder Than Life / 98: Permission to Offend w/ Rachel Luna

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98: Permission to Offend w/ Rachel Luna · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  I'm Kelly Siegel and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:15
  Welcome back to the 100 Life Podcast, where we deep dive into stories of resilience, transformation, unapologetic truth. Today, we have a truly inspiring guest who embodies these values to their core. Rachel Luna is not only a certified master coach and international speaker, but also a bestselling author of the powerful book, Permission to Offend, despite facing immense personal challenges. Welcome back to the 100 Life Podcast.
• 0:39
  Losing her parents to AIDS, battling alcoholism and depression, and surviving triple negative breast cancer, Rachel has emerged as a beacon of strength and authenticity. Her mission is to help others live freely and unapologetically. Please join me in welcoming the incredible Rachel Luna to the Heart of the Life podcast. Hello, friends. Thank you so much for having me. I get the chills when people read my bio. It's so funny.
• 1:05
  So much. Rachel, first of all, I want to acknowledge that, again, you're the first person in the new podcast studio, so we're testing everything. Hopefully it sounds great. You look great. I just have to give...
• 1:19
  God, a shout out because meeting you has been just extraordinary. We keep in contact, we send each other positivity. This life is not easy, but it is what you make of it. We're gonna talk all about your book today, Permission to Offend, and I'm gonna start off with one quick question. How do you differentiate permission to offend with somebody just popping off at the mouth?
• 1:48
  Okay, well, the way that I explain permission to offend is that it's about learning the language of compassion and empathy without compromising your values or beliefs. So when we say give yourself permission to offend, what I'm really saying is live according to your values and your beliefs and recognize that there will be people, family members, friends that do not believe what you believe.
• 2:17
  That doesn't mean that you have to cower down to make them feel better because life is uncomfortable. And if you are constantly bending down and compromising your beliefs, your truth, then you will be out of alignment. And that is like the fast track to dissatisfaction, depression. And then we find ourselves battling with addiction, substance abuse, promiscuity, all the other things that, you know, come with trauma.
• 2:47
  So I'm going to ask a lot about the book, a lot about personal. I'm going to dance a fine line between giving everything away because I want people to go out and get the book. It is a must read. I'm going to have my 15 year old daughter read this thing. It is this is in my top three books, along with, you know,
• 3:05
  my four agreements, which is behind me. I just, it's a great book and I highly recommend it. You talk a lot to women, but this is, this is universal. So we're going to start off to at your early days in at Penn state. So tell me how your experiences at Penn state shaped your journey towards writing permission to offend.
• 3:26
  I mean, honestly, I barely remember my days at Penn State. And that's it makes me so sad to think about that. But I was hurting so badly my whole life. As you know, in the book, I talk about it. I hold no punches back. But my life, my childhood was very traumatic growing up. And when I got to Penn State, I had just lost my father.
• 3:51
  And I didn't deal well. Actually, that's not true. At first, I dealt great. Because grief, you don't know when it's going to hit. But when it hit, it hit really hard. And so I was an alcoholic for most of my last two years at Penn State. And I don't think that that shaped who I became today anymore.
• 4:15
  I would say that, gosh, that's a hard question. That didn't shape because I can't really remember. I just remember that one day where I was scooping up my own vomit. I had gotten blackout junk the night before and I woke up in the middle of the morning in a pool of my own vomit and I was scooping it with my hands to clean it up. And in that moment, I was like, this can't be my life. This is not who God made me to be. Picking up my own throw up? No, nasty, gross.
• 4:44
  And I decided right there, I'm going to be different. And that decision lasted for, I don't know, maybe two years. And then another trauma came and I didn't have any tools, even though Kelly, I had been in therapy since I was about five years old, because as you know, my biological mother died of AIDS when I was three and a half. And I talk about that in the book as well.
• 5:10
  So I had therapists all my life, but here's the thing about therapy. Anybody that's listening, I'm a proponent and an advocate for therapy, but you need to have a conversation with your therapist and ask them, what is your plan for me not being your client long term?
• 5:27
  What is your plan for helping me heal from this trauma? What tools are we going to work on so that I don't become codependent on you? Because something brought me here that is arresting my life. And so I had, man, I'm getting the chills when I think about all the well-intentioned, well-meaning therapists who kept me codependent on their billable hours scale.
• 5:54
  You know, I, as you mentioned, I am a certified master neuroscience coach. And one of my biggest compliments is when clients stop working with me. And I get a lot of people say to me, but how do I keep clients coming back? Keep clients coming back? Like, yeah.
• 6:09
  Yes, keep them coming back from time to time as needed to overcome a new challenge. Not so that you can keep, you know, rehashing with them the same old BS. So what she really changed my life was when I was already in my early 20s and I was seeing a therapist and I went into her office and she was like, you're a victim. You act like a victim. Yeah.
• 6:38
  And I was so offended, Kelly. I didn't I didn't have the tools that I teach him permission to offend yet. So I'm pissed off. And I'm like, who do you think you're talking to? Of course, I'm a victim. You don't know what I've been through. I've been abused. I've been raped. I've been this. I've been that. And I start telling her, like, you know, all the times in my life that I was victimized, right?
• 7:00
  looking for her to coddle me and co-sign that, yes, I was a victim. And she said, those things happened to you, but you are not a victim anymore. I don't treat victims. If you want to heal, come back. If you don't, then we're done here. And I looked at her and said, well, then I guess we're done here. And I left and I was so pissed off, but...
• 7:27
  I really praise God that he gave me a little bit of wisdom in that moment where I was like, you know what? Maybe she's right. And that's something else that we talk about in Permission to Offend. This is actually the Spanish language copy. But I talk about that is can you give yourself permission to be wrong? Because the ego is fighting to be right all the time. And because we're fighting so hard to be right, we are missing the growth opportunity. Right?
• 7:56
  I'll stop right there. Cause if you just let me keep going, I'll keep talking and I'm sure you have other questions. Rachel, you're so beautiful. I am grateful you're in my life. I'm, I had, you said you had the chills. I'm having the chills. I'm sitting here just in awe. And the tools that you say, it's just spot on. And if people adapt it, cause you just, you just said everybody's life. Oh, I'm in therapy. Well, are you getting any better? Are you, is there any advancement? So,
• 8:25
  Again, read this book, Permission to Offend. If you're not following Rachel, she's, I mean, all of her positivity. Listen to her stories. Boy, this girl absolutely bears her soul. So it's Girl Confident on Instagram. And we're going to keep going on that a little bit because you went down the alcohol path. So I'm just going to ask you the next question is, can you share your journey as a recovering alcoholic? How it influenced your writing?
• 8:53
  Oh, yeah, man. Listen, nobody loved Jose Cuervo more than this girl right here. Like that, me, we had such a love affair. It was brutal. Wait, wait, wait. There's one girl. What was her name? What do you call it? Rachel Rodriguez. Oh, Rachel Rodriguez. Rachel Rodriguez. That's my maiden name. Rachel Rodriguez and Jose Cuervo were like,
• 9:20
  Lovers, the deep, passionate lovers. And I can joke about it now. And I just want to be really mindful for people that are still, you know, kind of on that fringe of I'm trying to get out of addiction, but I'm stuck in it. Or people that have left it and are still struggling. Yeah.
• 9:41
  For me, one of my coping mechanisms is humor. So if my humor kind of comes off, this is not to minimize your experience. This is the way that I deal with my experience. So I want to be clear about that. That part, what I just did right there, Kelly, that's part of giving yourself permission to offend.
• 10:01
  It's where you create the safe space and you do your best to neutralize the environment so that whoever's listening to you or experiencing you can still hear the substance of what you're saying without putting their own lens of offense over it. So I try to do that often. Anyway, so...
• 10:20
  My dad was an alcoholic. I'm told that my biological mom was an alcoholic, but who knows? Cause I never got to meet her and you know, people that love her and want to like preserve her memory will say she wasn't, but it's genetic. Okay. And we do have to recognize that science has, there are many studies that show that abuse and addiction, excuse me, addiction is hereditary. So I already had the genes.
• 10:48
  For that. And I didn't think that I was going to be an alcoholic because I saw what it did to my dad. I saw that my dad, I didn't get to see him very often growing up. But when I did see it, he was either high or drunk. And I remember hating that. I remember as a little girl saying to him, daddy, please don't drink. Why do you need to drink?
• 11:06
  And I didn't understand. But I have this one vivid memory where he was pouring himself, I think it was like a shot of whiskey or something. And I said, Daddy, don't drink, don't drink. It's so bad for you. And he said, baby, I need it.
• 11:22
  And I didn't understand what that meant, but like he was in so much pain, he needed it. So I didn't think I was going to be an alcoholic, but you know, one shot, two shot, three shot. Next thing you know, you're drinking every night. And again, at Penn State, I found out that this guy that I was seeing got another girl pregnant and I was like, what?
• 11:52
  And next thing I knew, I was waking up in the morning with the shakes. Have you ever gotten the shakes, Kelly?
• 12:00
  You know, that's what I was about to tell you is everything you're saying is the harder than life story. And even all the way down to and I'm going to steal some of the book, your mother dying young and your father left you with your grant, your godmother, who you now call mother and felt that you had to feel pain and abandonment. And then your father remarried a woman that had a daughter that he chose over you. And I just I wanted to reach through the book.
• 12:28
  And hug. And every time I sent you a voicemail, I was hitting one of those that just tugged on my heart because my dad was the same way. And all I wanted was him to come get me on the weekends. And he would have an excuse, a reason, you know, he was getting high. He was getting this. So everything that you, and obviously, logically, what do we turn to as adolescents and teenagers and then right into our formidable years in college? Alcohol. I don't know what these feelings are.
• 12:58
  Um, so I'm going to numb them because obviously it's not me, it's the world, but really, this is what you go over. You give mechanisms to offend, but also to feel that's the neuroscience part of you that comes in. And I just, that's, this is why I resonate with it. Cause I was right there with you, girl. And I want to hug that girl.
• 13:20
  Sorry to interrupt you, but I was going to say, you know, now for people that are not, who have never experienced any kind of substance abuse, you might actually still be going into this functional freeze. Functional freeze is where to numb out from the pain of the world, we turn to scrolling, to Netflix and chill. Sometimes you'll know that you are in this functional freeze when you are...
• 13:45
  Laying on the couch and you can't get up and then you're like blaming yourself and you're like, I should do this. I should do that. And you're just creating this like mountain of stress. Right. So imagine you're even an adult and you've got all these pressures of the world just weighing on you, weighing on you. And you don't know you can't see the way out. You can't see the forest because you're in the trees.
• 14:09
  And so we're looking for any way to escape that feeling. And, and that's what I was doing. Um, and that's what led me to my love affair with Jose, but I,
• 14:20
  I was dangerously close to not graduating from Penn State. And all I wanted to do, I don't, you know, as a kid, you just don't know. But I thought that if I just grow up, if I just get a real job, then all this pain will go away. If I can just change my environment, if I can just, if I can just, if I can just. And I really want the person listening to this to know that when you get there, you will be here.
• 14:49
  Right. So it's like if when I get there, then and we never get there as soon as we get there, now we're here. And wherever you go, there you are until you learn how to heal. And I talk about that in chapter one in the book, like I give you tools right away. Chapter one, until you learn how to do this work, it's going to keep coming up. And I also want to be clear and say that this is not a magic pill.
• 15:15
  I have been doing this work for more than a decade. I still have days where I have functional freeze. And I'm like, girl, come on now, nervous system, we got to get it together, because we got lives to change. So when I found out that I probably wasn't going to graduate from Penn State, I realized I better get it together. And I asked for help.
• 15:33
  I went into my guidance counselor's office and I said, I think I'm an alcoholic. I need help. I want to graduate. And they helped me. And that was that. And then I wish I could say that I never drank again, but I thought that I could control it. I thought I've got this. So a couple of years later, I went out for cocktails with a friend. And I talk about this in the book, too. So trigger warning right in the introduction. Do not skip the introduction. Do not skip the introduction.
• 16:02
  I was I don't know about you, Kelly, but I always find introductions to be very boring and like a waste of my time. So I wrote an introduction that will not be boring or a waste of your time at all. But trigger warning, I was date raped that night. And and that was where I really gave up drinking. And again, I wish I could say that I never picked up another drink again, but I was hardheaded and I kept thinking I can control this.
• 16:32
  And again, like if we could just stop trying to control things in our life, stop trying to like just. OK, if you're watching, I want you to look at my knuckles. What do you see on my knuckles, Kelly? What color are they? Are they the color of my tone or do they look white? Yeah.
• 16:56
  I don't know. You're a little blurry. It's people. Okay. Oh, right. Because of the thing. All right. So do me a favor. You make a fist. Make a fist and look at your knuckles. Do you see any blood flowing or are they turning white? No, they're kind of pink. You mean you're not squeezing hard enough. Oh, okay. At the bone. Oh.
• 17:20
  So it's turning, my blood flow is crazy. So if you see my veins, how they go, I mean, I'm very veiny. All right, look, for most people, Kelly's a machine, so for most people...
• 17:32
  When you're making a fist and you're really squeezing hard, your knuckles will turn white, right? That bone at the top, that's called white knuckling, right? There's no blood flow. Where there is no blood flow, you will die. You will lose whatever's on the other side. But if you open up your fist, immediately the blood begins to flow again. And now you have life force.
• 17:59
  And this is an example that I like to give people when I say stop white knuckling in your life everything because there are some things that you can control and that most of the things we cannot control in life. OK, because life is dynamic. Now, here's another, you know, I always have to bring in God to this. If you're not a God person, that's OK. But I just want to give you an analogy. OK.
• 18:23
  So I really believe that God wants to partner with us in this life. And we have certain challenges so that we can surrender and accept support. Many of you are struggling in one area or another in your life because you have not fully surrendered into your God-given right to receive, to be blessed. Okay? So now...
• 18:49
  You're imagining you're always putting up your dukes. You've got your knuckles because you're fighting this life, right? Your life is hard and we got to knock it out, knock it out, knock it out. Now, when you do that, you cut off life force, you cut off blood supply. But what if you just open up your hands, let the blood flow and reach up because God is trying to reach down and grab hold and say, I've got you.
• 19:14
  Let me fight some of these battles for you. Let me take off some of this load. You know, the word of God says, come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. But most of us,
• 19:27
  don't even know what rest looks like. We can't allow ourselves to receive fully because we've been hurt by that time that we trusted someone, by that time that we gave our heart to someone, by that time that our dad didn't show up on the weekend. You know, Kelly, you know, I'd pack my bags and wait for my dad and then he wouldn't show up. And so there's this belief of like, well, if
• 19:51
  If they loved me, if I was worthy, if I could really trust, then people would have shown up for me and I never would have been disappointed. But you know what I like to say? The world is disappointing. People are disappointing. So give yourself permission to be disappointed and give yourself permission to disappoint others so you can stop disappointing yourself. Right?
• 20:15
  I just sit here and listen to you all day. I love every part of it. We got down the alcohol train, but guys understand that especially the heart of life, that's my story. That's Rachel's story, but yours could be, she said it multiple other things. It could be scrolling. It could be sex. It could be swiping. Could be TV. Could be anything. If you're not facing, this is what we're going to get into now. It was what, what you see her sprinkling in, uh,
• 20:43
  is the coping mechanisms that are healthy, the healthy coping mechanisms. And that's what we're going to deep dive into. We're going to start with your lovely daughter, Valentina. And please tell us what inspired the empowering message behind Valentina, your daughter, Valentina's affirmation. I'm a-o-fine with it. Oh, my baby. She's a-o-fine. Wait, did I write about that? Did I talk about that?
• 21:13
  Where do you think I came up with it? I don't know, but I will tell you what, when you mentioned my daughter, Valentina, my heart started beating fast because they're, my kids are at that age where it's like, don't even tell people that we exist, you know? How did we come up with the AO fine? Oh my gosh. It's, it's, it was, I'll give you a hint. It was what you were just talking about. It was winning. It was like a safe space. Wait, now I got to go back and tell me, what did I say about it?
• 21:42
  um it was so cute it was something a disappointment that she was that she was gonna get and you and it was it was it's just that's why i came up with the question because what you just went through about being uh receiving and allowing and it's it just was going right on and i apologize it's in i'm sorry i can tell you in two seconds hold on it was in the first 20 pages
• 22:06
  No, it's in the introduction. It's in the introduction. I know that. Listen, y'all will just have to read the introduction. But I will tell you that AO Fine, we were talking about winning and defining what winning means to you. Because at the end of the day, you know what? We're watching the Olympics, right? It's the Olympic season right now.
• 22:30
  Now, I was watching, I can't remember even what sport or whatever, but the kid came in bronze. But he didn't, or maybe it was a woman, whatever. The athlete got the bronze medal, but they didn't beat their, no, sorry, it was gold. It was gold. The athlete got the gold medal, but they were trying to beat their own personal world record. And they missed it by like a fraction of a second.
• 22:58
  And I said, man, that's got to be so disappointing to miss the goal by a fraction of a second. And then I said, what am I talking about?
• 23:09
  This person just won the gold medal and I'm focusing on the disappointment of not hitting the world record. That's so dumb for me. In my mind, that's dumb, right? Because a win is a win. And so you have to start defining what winning means for you. Because if you let the world tell you what winning means, you will be dissatisfied. You will start to judge every bit of progress that you make on.
• 23:38
  Under the lens of someone who is not in your shoes, who has not experienced what you've experienced, who doesn't know how hard it is for your nervous system to power itself up every single day. You know, it's the Monday morning quarterbacks telling you how good you should have done. Like, no, be A.O. fine with whatever winning means to you.
• 23:58
  I love it. Remember, follow her, Girl Confident on Instagram. She has the, I think she calls it the Loyal Lunatics, which is, I love it. It's just absolutely beautiful. I want to dive into this. Well, first of all, let me just deviate a little bit.
• 24:16
  you're a woman of faith and you, you, you talk about God a lot. And I want to say that if you pull away and look back at your story, God was showing you the way you were just stubborn and kept going back to the naughty water and doing all the wrong things. That is very typical of the listeners of the heart of life podcast right now. They're like, well, I'm not really doing anything, but you are. And if you pay attention and you allow and receive, like Rachel just said,
• 24:43
  God will show you the way. I tried to make, I made a bad decision at my IT company this last week and God came in and fixed it. That's living right. When you're living oneness with energy and with the source, whatever you want to call it. So I want people to understand that you're not alone, very common, but it doesn't make it A-OK or A-O-Find. A-O-Find.
• 25:09
  Yeah, let's dig, let's deep, let's dive a little bit deeper into that personal trauma because you come out with that date rape and I just start tugging on my heart. So you started your book with such a personal trauma. How did it shape the message, the narrative that you were trying to convey? That was actually the last thing that I wrote. So that story did not work.
• 25:33
  That story, actually, I wasn't even going to include it because a lot of people in my life didn't even know that that had happened to me. As a matter of fact, Kelly, this is so funny. People did not know that this happened to me, my mom included, right?
• 25:49
  And I forgot to tell her that I, that I, that number one, that it happened. And number two, that it was included. So she opening day comes, the books are shipping to her house. And she goes, my books just arrived. I'm going downstairs to pick them up. I said, oh my gosh, mommy, don't read the introduction.
• 26:09
  And mind you, I'm telling everybody, read the introduction. I'm like, mommy, don't read the introduction. I'm so sorry. Something happened to me a long time ago. I didn't tell you. I don't want you to read it. I don't want you to be hurt anymore. Um...
• 26:26
  So, so I wasn't even going to include that story. The reason that I ultimately ended up including it was because my, my editor said, you have to write an introduction. And as I told you, I hate introductions. Like, let's just get to the meat and potatoes. And I said, no, I'm not writing one. And she said, you have to. And I said, who said, why, why do I have to do this? This is dumb. And.
• 26:50
  And she said, because people read introductions. Anyway, long story short, I am fighting to not have to write this thing. And then I thought, okay, if I have to write an introduction, I want to write something that will bring the reader, that will hook them from the first sentence to,
• 27:11
  It has to make sense to the story. And above all, it has to breathe life into someone. And I just went through all of my stories, but at, by that point I had included so much in the book, like I, I am for the, for the listener, my book is not a memoir, but I do share a lot of my story to help incorporate the exercises and the tools in action and
• 27:38
  And then I thought, okay, you know, I should have spoken up about this. I did go to the police, but we didn't, it was like my word against this guy's word. I think I was drugged. I had no proof of that. And it was going to be my word against theirs. And I was scared.
• 27:59
  And I wish, I wish then that I had the skills and the tools that I write about in this book that I could have advocated for myself. So I said, look, if,
• 28:13
  I do deeply believe that there is always something good out of every single tragedy. And in the moment, you can't see it. Right. For most of my life, I could not see the blessing of losing my biological mother to AIDS. In fact, I remember being really upset and feeling really frustrated. Like, why me?
• 28:32
  And it wasn't until decades later that I understood like, wow, that was such a blessing for me. Because if that if this hadn't happened, then this wouldn't happen. Right. So that date rape experience, number one, definitely got me sober. I I.
• 28:52
  The only other times I drank after that were like one glass of wine at dinner, if that. But I never, ever, ever drank again like that. And I don't drink now. I haven't drank in years and years and years. But yeah.
• 29:10
  The good thing that came out of that night that left me feeling with so much shame and so much guilt and so much fear and so much self-loathing was that I get to tell that story.
• 29:25
  and equip and empower other people, not just women, human beings who have gone through something similar, to give them tools to use their voice and, and to take the ugly and turn it into something beautiful. And again, I go back to my faith. The word of God says that he uses all things for our good.
• 29:48
  all things, not just the good to become the good, but the Lord will take the ugliest, nastiest. You know, I, I, I now joke because humor is my mechanism, but I always think like, man, God really took Rachel Rodriguez out of the gutter. That ho man, look what he did with that dirty ass ho.
• 30:11
  You know, our stories are so similar. It's so simple. I just, the reason why I want guys, read the book, because if you're a woman watching this, many of you have been in this and haven't said anything. And as a girl, dad, as a 15 year old, or I have a 15 year old daughter, I learned that I want to make sure that I create a safe spot for my daughter to come to me. If something like this happens, not dad's going to kill him. Dad's going to kill me.
• 30:40
  dad's going to yell at me. It's, I want her to know that it's okay. And I got her and their vulnerability is what creates that safe place. So if you wouldn't have done, the book is great, but if that set the tone for everything after it, so we have, we, you and I are talking like crazy. So I got to get through more questions because these are, I mean, I read every,
• 31:07
  Every line made tons and tons of notes. So I want the listeners to hear the greatness and go out and buy the book and then follow you on social media. It's amazing. So explain the concept because you deep dive into into the neural thinking. Can you explain the concept that the stories we tell ourselves are neutral? Oh, yeah, I love this. OK, so you just heard me say, like, Rachel Rodriguez, that dirty hoe. OK, yeah.
• 31:34
  But why would I have that thought about that person because of her behaviors? Because there's a judgment that I have based on what she was doing, based on societal norms, values and beliefs. Right. So now I'm telling myself this story. But what if the story is neutral? Let me give you a better example, one that's more relatable. Say you have a goal.
• 31:58
  that you're working towards. And you said to yourself, I'm going to work on this. I'm doing 75 hard. Have you done 75 hard Kelly? You've done that? Of course I have. I knew you had. Okay. So I'm going to do 75 hard and I fail on day two.
• 32:20
  Now, what does that mean? I'm a failure. I suck. I couldn't even make it two days. You know, I'm not good at anything. This is why I'm never going to make it. And we start telling our story, story, story, story. But what if that's not true? What if it's just neutral? What if like, hey?
• 32:40
  I failed on day two. So what? I can go into the app. I can just say I failed. And it asks you, did you fail or did you keep going? And then you click, you write I failed. And it makes you type it. I failed or start over or something. And then you know what it says? Good for you. You showed integrity.
• 33:00
  Keep going. Try again. When we make the story neutral, we take all of the emotion out of it. And without emotion, now we can make
• 33:12
  A rational, reasonable, logical plan. But when we are clouding in emotions, guess what happens? Fear, judgment, doubt. Your nervous system goes into either a flight, freeze, or flee state. And then there's another state called fawn where you're just like deer in the headlights, not even freezing. You're looking. You're aware of what's going on.
• 33:40
  You can't make great life-changing positive decisions from heightened states of emotion. Inevitably, you will make a mistake because you made the story mean more than it was. So I always say to people, just go to the facts. The fact is I tried 75 hard. The fact is I didn't read my 10 pages.
• 34:09
  This 75 hard challenge doesn't really mean anything at all. It doesn't mean anything. It only means what you make it mean. So what are you making it mean? And why is that meaning controlling your life? Boom. So we've 35 minutes into this and we're going to get into the real good stuff. And this is what drew me to you is the path to,
• 34:34
  to over to kicking cancer's ass. Let's just call it that. And you pulled a story in here and your primary care physician gave you advice to wait three months. And that saved your life because of why?
• 34:51
  Because I wasn't standing for that BS. This dude said, let's wait and see. Okay, I walked in with a lump, a lump, a palpable lump coming out of my breast that you could see it and you could feel it. So it's not like it was one of those deep down, no. And this guy said to me, you're young. You don't have a family history of breast cancer. Let's wait and see.
• 35:16
  And I looked at that guy and I said, sir, with all due respect, you are crazy. If you think I'm leaving here without an appointment for a diagnostic mammogram or something, I need to know what this is. And I remember being really pissed off, Kelly, because he says, oh, you haven't had a mammogram. And I was like, bro, sir. I'm.
• 35:35
  I didn't say bro, but in my mind I said bro. But I said, sir, you have my chart right in front of you. I clearly marked the box that says I have not had a mammogram. Did you even look at my chart? And I had to give myself a lot of permission to offend that guy because he's the expert. He's the doctor. I'm not a doctor. He sees things like this all day. But I just had this knowing that something wasn't right. And I wasn't going to just let him tell me what was right for me when I
• 36:04
  It's my, like, I can feel it. And you have to start developing this sense of trust.
• 36:09
  This is called discernment. And a lot of people will override their discernment because there's someone in a so-called perceived power of, excuse me, position of power or authority that's telling them, no, that's not right. That you're, no, no, of course not. And we need to be eyes wide open. I'm going to say something political and religious and all the things. You need to be eyes wide open.
• 36:38
  right now with everything. Don't just look with what this side is saying in tunnel vision. Don't just look with what that side is saying with tunnel vision. Pay attention to what everyone is saying about everything and do your own research. Otherwise, you will be like sheep sent to the slaughterhouse.
• 37:01
  Oh, so let's go. I'm going to, I'm going to go a little more. So let's dive into that. So basically he told you to wait three months. You went and got, and I'm sorry to get into the book. Cause it's so good. I want them to, I want them to get the nuggets, get into the book.
• 37:17
  So basically he told you to wait. You said, uh, no way. And you went, we'll be lined it to another place. They said, Hey, this is cancer. And then what did you do? I'm just going to steal the thunder. You go, ah, I'm not doing this chemo. And you did the ultimate permission. You gave yourself the ultimate permission to offend and said, I'm going and doing this my way. And,
• 37:43
  Spoiler alert, it all worked out. You're busting your butt to do it. But I want it. This is going to lead into this question. What does it mean to give yourself permission to question, unpack, and unlearn everything you believe? Because you had to do it when you looked at that doctor and said,
• 38:00
  Twice. The first doctor said, you're an idiot. You went to the second one, said, F you. And then you faced all the backlash from your family saying, no, you got to follow chemo. You got to follow protocol. So you went through and you questioned, you unpacked and you unlearned. How? It's freedom. That what it means is freedom. It's freedom. It's autonomy. And that is your God given right. Free will. Everyone has it.
• 38:30
  And so few people exercise it because we let everyone tell us what to believe, what to value, how we should think, what we should put into our body. And we have forgotten that we have this innate sense of knowing. We have this discernment that if we would just tap into it more often, if we would just trust that you are good enough as you are.
• 38:55
  Can we make improvements? Of course. But if you never made an improvement, you would still be worthy and wonderful and exceptional. So for me, it is the ultimate freedom, giving yourself permission to offend the opportunity to question everything that you've learned. You've heard me talk about my faith. I still question Christianity all the time. Every day, I was just reading the Bible this morning. I was so mad. I put the book down. I said, and
• 39:22
  you know, not today, God, I just can't, I am, I don't understand. I'm frustrated. These kings, they're not learning their lessons. So then I go back, well, why do I believe this? Why? If parts of this book really pissed me off, if parts of what's written in this word that I say is like my guiding book, why is it that?
• 39:46
  I still believe this. And then I just go back, like you said, Kelly, because all my life, God was showing me every step of the way that he was with me, even before I was born, because my biological mother almost got an abortion. So I almost wasn't here, but God. So I'm going to keep, I'm going to keep rocking with it.
• 40:16
  Let me be the first to say I'm grateful you are here because you are doing great. And if anybody ever has a chance to see you speak, whoo, 4'11", spitfire, mamacita, dropping all kinds of mixing in the Spanish with the...
• 40:32
  with the F bombs and it just gets so exciting. And you feel like, because you can hear this book goes all over the place. It's not just, we talked a lot about alcohol, but it really wasn't about that. It's just overcoming adversity and giving yourself permission to offend your own beliefs. That's what this, where I kept saying, like I question it too. And sometimes you go, why? Why?
• 40:55
  Why am I offended right now? Why is this bothering me? And that's the self-awareness that allows you to grow into the person that God wants you to be or that you should be. And that I'm looking at right here on my computer screen. And I love you so much. So I do. One of the funny things, I'm going to steal something else. I said, you got to please share a story of one of the fistfights you mentioned that you're 4'11". What kind of a fistfight did you get into?
• 41:22
  Oh, I was just saying this to someone. I just said this to a client of mine yesterday. I said, listen, here's the thing. When you are a champion for justice, you have to, sometimes that can go too far. I know that that sounds crazy. Like, no, you could never go too far with justice, but sometimes you can because you end up fighting battles that are not your own. And I know someone's like, but Rachel, we need to fight for the people that are disenfranchised and marginalized and whatever. Yes. And yes.
• 41:51
  Sometimes you need to just mind your own damn business because it has nothing to do with you. And so for me, I was such a champion for justice that I was always fighting other people's battles. And this one, I don't know, I can't remember off the top of my head. You know, I wrote this book several years ago. So I can't remember if I tell you this story, but did I tell the story about being in the pizza parlor and threatening to break a bottle over a girl's head? Did I tell you that one?
• 42:18
  No, dude. Okay, well, I want to hear this one. That's a better one. Okay, listen, this was... Wait, wait, wait. Just so you know, this is the true Latina coming up. Rachel Rodriguez. Rachel Rodriguez. By the way, she's originally from New York, so this shouldn't be surprising at all. Okay, so...
• 42:41
  And this was Rachel Rodriguez days. And this is what not to do when it comes to permission to offend. Right. If I had known then what I know now, we would have had a really productive conversation, I think, I hope, versus me grabbing a bottle and threatening a girl. But so we're at a table with my sister and her boyfriend and we're just hanging out. And then there's this girl now.
• 43:05
  For just to set the paint the scene I'm going to tell you it was a white girl my sister and I Latinas and my sister's boyfriend at the time was black and his black frat brother right so I just want you know it's like a little melting pot of people here and.
• 43:24
  My sister goes to the bathroom and when she goes, this white girl is over here like, oh, Kenny, you're so cute. And then she goes and sits on his lap. This is my sister's boyfriend. And I looked at her and I said, you are so disgusting. You know that? And she goes, excuse me? I was like, you heard me. You are so disgusting. You are nasty. You know that that's my sister's boyfriend. You're sitting on his lap. You're flirting with him right in front of me. You are nasty.
• 43:54
  First of all, Kelly, why? Why didn't I say to him, bro, what's happening right here? Why didn't I at least call him out? He's the one that has a girlfriend, but no, I go after the girl. Probably because I didn't think I could take him, but I knew I could take her. Anyhow, so and at this time, I'm already a Marine, okay? So I'm visiting the campus. I'm already a Marine, and I think I'm big and tough. Okay.
• 44:20
  Long story short, she was like, oh, no, you didn't. Who the F you think you are? I got up. I said, no, B, who do you think you are? Because I know you're not. And I mean, I just got so mad. I was so offended at what I perceived to be disrespect right in my own face. Now, the girl and I are standing up, and she's taking off her earrings. I was like, that's why you better take off your earrings, because I'm about to tear that ass off.
• 44:49
  Like I am going in. Then she comes at me and there's a beer bottle right there. And I grabbed the beer bottle. I said, come, come for me so I can break this right over your head and cut your throat. Kelly, what the hell? What was I thinking?
• 45:09
  My sister comes out of the bathroom. She's like, yo, what's going on? The owner of the pizza shop, like he knew me, he goes, wait, what's going on? So he picks me up. He's like, no, I was like, yo, y'all better get her out of here because I'm going to destroy her. So they kicked the girl out. Listen, this was all the things not to do, but here's, as I look back, I can tell you exactly what was going on. Number one,
• 45:34
  I was offended. Why? Because my belief system was, this girl has a lot of nerve coming onto my sister's boyfriend in front of me. I'm disrespected for my sister. Number two, this is such an injustice. I have to do something about it. And I have to teach this girl a lesson so that she never, ever does this to anyone else, right? So it's this burning sense. Now, if you look at the...
• 46:03
  And number three, I was afraid. Even though I wasn't acting scared, the truth is I was afraid that this girl sitting on my sister's boyfriend's lap was about to come in between my sister's happiness. I was afraid that she was going to steal and take something. What happens to us in our nervous system is that any kind of perception of disconnection puts us into survival mode.
• 46:30
  It wasn't even my own disconnection, but it was like that secondary exposure to disconnection that triggered this fear in me of if I don't do something right now, we are all going to die. That's what the primitive brain says to you.
• 46:45
  So I'm giving you a very extreme example and an extreme reaction. But this happens every single day. You don't get the job promotion. All of a sudden, your primitive brain clocks that in as I'm not going to make money and then I'm not going to be able to retire. And then I'm going to lose my house, my home, my kids. The world is over because I didn't get this promotion instead of saying, dang, I'm
• 47:09
  I didn't get this promotion. It doesn't mean anything. Let me go have a conversation and figure out what are the parameters that I need to hit? What are the areas of opportunity for growth that I get to explore? Or is it time for me to leave this environment and go to another organization where my skills and strengths and talented will be recognized and compensated appropriately?
• 47:34
  just try to tie it all in for current events. So what? Wow. So it's usually the third option when you asking yourself those questions, just so you know, it was she, when she said it was, she was scared. Really. That's what it was. Little young Rachel who had things taken away from her was abandoned and betrayed that that was speaking out. So yeah,
• 47:58
  Man, it feels good to be healed, doesn't it, Rachel? That shit can happen now and I would just be laughing. People look at me like, you are unfuckwithable. I don't, you cannot make me mad anymore. I just do not care. It has nothing to do with the big picture. You want to talk about neutral thinking. Yeah.
• 48:16
  I immediately, if any time I sway, I can feel it and go, whoa, what is that? It happened so fast because I've done so much work. And it was funny because a friend said to me, man, you portray that your life is perfect. And I'm like, it kind of is.
• 48:32
  It's like I've done a lot of work. It really is. I mean, I'm battling things like everybody, but I don't get in these deep, dark things. I don't experience those intense fears. And if I have anything that gets off kilter, I have the habits and rituals and tactics to get right out of it because I've been in that situation. And it was scared, young little Kelly that was always fearful that was acting on it.
• 48:59
  So let's talk, the last real question I have in this, about the book is,
• 49:04
  How did you apply the all outcomes matrix to overcome that fear and challenge? Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, the all outcomes matrix, we talk about that in chapter seven. And it's a really simple exercise to help you overcome fear. And I'm going to just give it to you right now. So what you do is you imagine all possible outcomes. And the example that I give in the book, I'll share with you, um, um,
• 49:29
  I used to be terrified of flying Kelly. Like I used to have to get drunk and take Xanax just to make it through a flight. Me too, just so you know. Me too. Oh my God. Horrible. Horrible. And, and it was so bad, but I love traveling and I was in the Marine Corps. So the only time in my whole life.
• 49:49
  Um, until I overcame this fear of flying that I did not fear flying was when I was flying over both to and from Iraq, um, back when I was in the military. And the reason being is because we had a commercial flight chartered for us and I had my weapon with me.
• 50:09
  Now, this is how the irrational brain works. What the hell does an M16 do to save your life if a plane goes down? I don't know. But you know, I was indoctrinated. This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my life. I must guard it as I guard my own life. That's the Rifleman's Creed, right? So I had this belief that as long as I had my rifle, I was safe. Anyway,
• 50:33
  So what I did at that time was I started learning everything I possibly could about how airplanes work. And I thought that will save me. No, I would. Now, when I got on a plane, every little thunk and sound.
• 50:49
  I still felt terror. I could rationalize what was going on, but the terror was still there. The way that you actually overcome is you start thinking all the possible outcomes. Okay, so what could happen on this flight? Option A is, outcome A is we land safely. Am I okay with that? Yes, that's my preferred outcome. That's the one we're believing for. Come on, God, won't you do it? Yes, you will. Okay, option B.
• 51:19
  The plane crashes, but we all survive. Am I okay with that outcome? Yes, it's not my preferred because I don't want the trauma of having to heal from a plane crash. But if we all come out of it, then okay. Option C, the plane crashes and you die. I'm not okay with that.
• 51:44
  I am not okay with that. That is the worst case scenario. I don't even want to imagine it. I don't want to think about it. I can't. Disconnection, survival, my children, right? Now you're, it's so, I can tell that I'm fully healed. Cause when I used to tell this story over, my nervous system was still responding in it. I have zero response now. So that's amazing progress. That's how, when you do this all outcomes matrix repeatedly over and over and over again, your nervous system will start to gradually accept like, okay, okay.
• 52:13
  I get it. It's okay. It's safe. So I'm not okay with dying, especially not that way.
• 52:23
  Well, that's where the pain comes from. That's where the fear comes from, because you haven't made peace with the fact that you are not in control of when it's your time to go. You are not in control of this part. And by the way, you could apply this to anything, to getting the job, to signing the client, to your partner leaving you or cheating on you or whatever, right? That there are, there's always some element of what we want that is not in our control.
• 52:53
  So I finally started working up to look, God, I don't want to die until I'm at least 95, 100 preferably. I definitely don't want to die in a plane crash. If that is your will, if that is what's happened, what do I need to have in place so that I can at least have peace?
• 53:21
  I have a great trust set up for my children. I wrote this book for them. So the life lessons that I want my daughters to have are in this book and there's legacy here. I have a podcast that they can listen to my voice anytime they want. There are so many videos of me.
• 53:49
  There's so many videos. You're not going anywhere, Rachel. You've got a long life to live, and I'm going to push you through it because I adore you, and you're fantastic. And guys, if you're not listening to her podcast, Permission to Offend, it's phenomenal. She gets all into it, these stories. And Rachel, you have enough time because we're going to go longer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait. We're going to go a little longer.
• 54:13
  Let me finish this loop because I think that this is important. I think this is important, right? There's so many videos of me out there that they can watch and they can hear my wisdom. So even though that's not what I want, if that happens, there's peace in knowing that I'm never actually leaving them. So I'm going to get on this plane and I'm going to go to my next speaking engagement.
• 54:43
  where I'm going to go to wherever God has called me to serve and bring the word to the people. And I'm going to trust that I have done everything that was in my control to leave a legacy for my children that they can be proud of.
• 54:59
  And I also learned that planes never fall out of the sky for turbulence. So we're good. Right. So you have to think about it that way there with the outcomes matrix. It's for the worst case outcome, the thing that you don't want to happen, what is in your control?
• 55:18
  that you have taken control over and what is not in your control? And can you surrender to the fact that you did all that you could within your capabilities and the rest, you just really have to walk in that freedom of having faith, faith to believe that what you want is also what God wants for you.
• 55:41
  Faith over fear. Faith over fear. John Gordon says it all the time. I do, to bring myself back to neutral, I know I'm a pilot and I still get afraid because what you hit was a downdraft and I hit two of them in one week on two different planes. Unheard of.
• 55:58
  And it freaked me out. So what I do is I bring myself back to neutral because I don't have the alcohol to drink anymore. And I just go, I use Mel Robbins meditation. I'm safe. I'm loved. I'm OK. I'm safe. I am loved. I'm OK. I say it over and over and over and over again. And then I remind myself that planes just don't fall out of the sky as well.
• 56:18
  I'm going to blaze through because we, there's three more points of the book that I want to go through. And then we're going to switch to some personal stuff. And then we're going to do a fast. I wanted three more highlights because this book starts off with, with the traumatic experience. She goes into our military. She goes into her motherhood. She goes into, uh, uh,
• 56:38
  being married, but then it ends with some relationships, relationship stuff that I want to share with you was I'm going to I'm going to really, really read this from page 202. It says, does this relationship matter enough to me to warrant a response? Not every relationship is worth the effort to do damage control. Sometimes we hold on to relationships past their expiration date, hoping things will change.
• 57:01
  How people respond to your truth is a reflection of whether or not it's time to let them go. That's a great one. You talk about dialogue. I'm available for dialogue. Let's discuss or let's communicate and see how we can work this out. This is for conflict.
• 57:19
  And then when you hurt somebody, you say, I'm sorry. I can see that I hurt you. I apologize. And that's it. That was the summary of the very end of the book. Would you like to add any more stories to those before we get into personal questions?
• 57:34
  Yeah, you know, it's so funny because I had a client reach out to me yesterday and she was like, I'm afraid that I'm going to ruin this relationship. But what they're asking me to do, it just feels so unethical. And I said, honey, if you have a loving, compassionate, empathetic conversation and you say, listen, I love you, I value our relationship. But this proposal, it feels out of integrity with my belief system. And that person walks away from you. Let them go. Yeah.
• 58:03
  Because anybody that cannot at least respect that you have a different belief value system is
• 58:11
  then you shouldn't be in each other's world. And you're talking to a woman. I'm a woman of faith. And I have friends from all walks of life. A lot of people in my life do not believe what I believe, but I love them enough to say, I accept you where you are. Please accept me where I am. And if we can't do that for each other, then we shouldn't be in each other's lives right now. And I want to give a caveat to that. When it's someone that you really love, like a family member, um,
• 58:38
  then this is where you need to make the decision and say, okay,
• 58:42
  I love you. We don't see eye to eye. We don't share the same belief system. I don't want to lose you. So let's just make an agreement that we're not going to talk about this, that, and the third. That's where you set boundaries, which I talk about in chapter four. That's where you set and honor your boundaries and you respect their boundaries, right? Respect is a two-way street. And I think people forget that, especially in this day and age. And that's why we have so much division because everyone is casting stones, but nobody is looking at their glass house.
• 59:12
  So true. I want to go back and say how people respond to your truth as a reflection of whether or not it's time to let them go. But it's also where they're at in their healing process, their journey. So it's just phenomenal. Make sure you guys follow Rachel. If you take a screenshot of this and tag us at Loyal Lunatics.
• 59:31
  We'll, uh, we'll send you something. I don't know what, Rachel, what do you got to that? We could send them to take a screenshot of this, tag me and her and tag, uh, how loyal lunatics and Rachel will send you something nice. Do you want to send, um, how about like the first three people? We'll send them a signed copy of the book. How about that? That sounds great. That sounds great. So we're going to, we're getting some fun stuff now. That was, uh,
• 59:57
  That was Rachel. So we've talked about Rachel Rodriguez, your alter. Obviously, you're Rachel Luna. You're married. How is a fun fact about the alter ego, Rachel Rodriguez, besides the fact that she wants to cut people in pizza shops? Oh, Rachel Rodriguez was a professional salsa dancer. Ooh, that's hot. I used to teach classes, yeah.
• 1:00:24
  Guys, if you look at the front of her book, she and look at it, if you're watching this on YouTube, she's beautiful, beautiful inside and out. I love seeing you without any makeup and you're just completely natural and you're sharing. We didn't talk about this, but we will have you back on. That you went through your holistic, natural healing and that there's a whole story. She talks about it in the book, but you can watch it on her stories. She talks about it on her on her podcast.
• 1:00:51
  podcast. I binged, listened to a bunch of your podcasts. I love them. So dig into this. She's this lady's a badass, man. I'm telling you. And she's going to be in my life for a long time. You've been all over. It said that you lived in Germany, but what's the most memorable place that you've lived and why?
• 1:01:09
  Oh, Japan. I mean, I guess Germany and Japan. Germany memorable because that's where my daughters were born. So that was amazing. That's where I met my husband. But Japan, we lived in Okinawa, Japan. That was the best place to live. We had such great community around us. I loved the culture. And that's actually where I started my business. So who you see me today is...
• 1:01:38
  She was born and created in Okinawa, Japan. I love hearing that. What's your favorite way to spend time with your daughters, Valentina and Isabella?
• 1:01:48
  They're very different. So I spend time with them differently. So Valentina and I love watching crime shows. And and we have when you walk into our home, the main area, we don't have any furniture in it. It's called the slap pit. And she and I go into this space and we just slap the crap out of each other. And it's the it's the most fun, like literally fun.
• 1:02:13
  We fight. I play fight with her. I teach her how to defend herself. It's the Marine of me. And Isabella and I, we enjoy reading to get like sitting next to each other, reading, doing arts and craft. Like she's very artistic. And the other thing that she loves doing is going to Sephora and Ulta. So I enjoy being her chauffeur.
• 1:02:38
  My daughter and I just like to read together. She's we're dorks. We read every night together. It's fun. All right. We got a few more questions. We're going to keep going. We can answer them quickly because we're way over. But I love it because you're fantastic. What hidden talent or skill do you have that might surprise people? I'm a great cook.
• 1:02:58
  Oh, that's not surprising. You're Hispanic. Of course you're going to be good. What's your favorite? I was so bad. I just freaking enjoyed that. I don't know. I don't, I don't feel like I haven't, I mean, I'm, I don't think I have hidden talents cause I'm such an open book.
• 1:03:15
  I would tell you a hidden talent is you do not judge this book by your cover because Rudy, our mutual friend Rudy Rickstein said, wait till you hear her speak. And we had several conversations and I'm like, what, what, what? And you got up there and it wasn't a four foot 11. It was like a 10 foot two person and this booming voice in this story. And it just you can't help but love her because.
• 1:03:39
  You're just the authentic genuinity and vulnerability comes out. And guys, read this book. It is a page turner. So it's your next big event. Heck yes. I'm telling you, worth the price of admission. If you could choose any superpower, what would it be and why?
• 1:04:00
  Oh, man. It would be to literally have the gift of laying hands on people and healing them and knowing that with a touch they could be healed.
• 1:04:15
  You know, it's, I was, I'm going to do a reel about this a little bit. And I'm going to, you just heard me quit quiet is my biggest issue right now in life is I have so much compassion. I cannot stand to see people suffer.
• 1:04:33
  and especially suffer at their own hands. It destroys me. Watching people drink themselves a drug, do drugs, do the same thing over and over and over, be miserable, and then spew negativity on the people that did the work. My heart goes out to them. All I can do is show them amazing content like this from you and me and show that, look,
• 1:04:58
  Hey, we were there. I was there. I did all the same crap. I've been there with them. And look how great our life is. I get to freaking call Rachel anytime I want. If I want an upkeep, I just send her a quick voice message. I get a nice one back. That's we pick each other up. And it's not always rainbows and unicorns. You were going through it. And you're like, Kelly, going through it. So I sent you right back all the love and all the things. That's what we've cultivated. It wasn't always like that.
• 1:05:23
  So sorry to get serious when we're trying to do some fun things. What's your favorite book or author aside from your own work?
• 1:05:29
  Oh gosh, no, please don't do that to me. I have too many. I am a book nerd and I hate this question because, um, but I'll, I'll give you like one that I've read. Oh man, there's so many. Okay. The expansion mandate by Rachel Workman, um, fight the good, uh, fight the good fight of faith is another. I'm also enjoying the gap and the gain. Um,
• 1:05:55
  There's too many. There are too many. Oh, this one. Now, hold on. If you look back, I got all kinds of books. I'm an avid reader. And my still go-to is The Four Agreements. I don't know why. When I read it, it was divine intervention. It was given to me by somebody who had betrayed me.
• 1:06:15
  There was always one, but then there's a million other ones. Like your book is right there. And I'm literally going to recommend it to everybody. So if you guys haven't read this, this is very therapeutic. I read it in a few days. It was so good. Okay. But I got to tell you this. Wait, I know. I know we're over time. And this is going to sound super egotistical, but no, I mean, honestly, I go back to my own book because there are days and I think that this is going to be relatable where you
• 1:06:44
  You know, you're good. You know, you have like a gift, but then you forget because life happens. And so I go back to my own work to remind myself who I am. And on hard days, I go back to my own tools because I always want to be someone who is walking in integrity. And if I'm telling my clients that they need to do the work from chapter seven or chapter one,
• 1:07:08
  Or if they need to do a belief audit, um, they, if they need to go to bat for themselves, that's something I write in the book, belief audit time. Then I want to make sure that I am always doing that. You should be the first person to partake of whatever it is you're offering out into the world. So I'm, I'm going to say my book, but then there's so many other great ones. I just pick one up. I love this. So I'm looking here to copyrights to 20, 2023. What'd you write it in 2022? Um,
• 1:07:36
  I started, I started writing this book in 2020. And there were a lot of, oh my gosh, you want to talk about adversity to get this book out into the world. I started writing, I had the idea for the book in 2019. I started writing it in 2020. Pandemic came.
• 1:07:55
  President Obama decided to write a book. So he took over all the printers. There was a worldwide paper shortage. So my book publication date was delayed a year. So we were supposed to go to press a whole year before and we missed out on that year.
• 1:08:12
  So I wrote this book a long time ago, but I live the principles. And whenever I find myself out of alignment, and I really want to highlight that because I know you have a perfect life, Kelly, and I have a life of freedom, but it is imperfect. And so when I and because, you know, I am five years from having been diagnosed with cancer, but that was the most traumatic experience of my life.
• 1:08:38
  And you read my story. You know I had, it was like trauma, trauma, trauma, and then like an avalanche. And so I am still doing a lot of work on my own nervous system. So I need these tools just as much as I wrote them for the person that reads the book. I live them. For me, I wrote the book during the pandemic as well. So we're coming up on four years or three years now.
• 1:09:04
  I am not the person that wrote that book. That person was still scared, was unhealed. I am very much more healed. So I don't resonate with much of it anymore. What would be, and I know you're going to say this, but what's one piece of, what's something about you that's changed since you wrote the book? Or if you could add a chapter with it, with a life lesson from the book writing till now, because I know there's something.
• 1:09:34
  I've changed so much, but I still resonate with the book because the tools are, you know, they're, they're evergreen. They're universal. They're timeless. I wrote it intentionally with that. I would say that I am, I'm more deeply connected to my faith than I was even then. And here's a fun fact. My editor wanted me, oh, it's 11.11. Okay.
• 1:10:02
  I just looked out. I'm like, you got to be kidding me.
• 1:10:07
  I just flashed up my phone. It's 1111 people. So it was like, it's in the room. But so here's a fun fact about this book is that my editor at Harper one wanted me to make it more about God. And I remember she had a conversation where she's like, I feel like, can you talk about God more in this book? And I said, no, I don't want to talk more about God because I don't want this to be a book that is marketed only to Christians. I want this to be a book.
• 1:10:36
  that is universal, that is relatable. I want it to be a book that unifies people. And if I only make it about God, then only the Christian people are gonna get it. I'm gonna miss out on us being able to, the whole goal of this is creating unity in a very divided world.
• 1:10:57
  And I think now that if they let me write this exact book again, I would bring more God into it. And I would be more intentional in how I share God and make an invitation to people to at least share.
• 1:11:15
  learn more about the God of the Bible and try it on. And even with all that, someone still gave me a review and said it was too religious, which I didn't even understand because I, there was no altar call in this book. Did you, have you read the book conversation with God? Neil Donald Walsh? Yes.
• 1:11:35
  No, but I was on it. No, I was on his email list for so long. I felt like I had already, I didn't need to read the book. Cause every email you get from him is a conversation with God back at that time.
• 1:11:48
  Am I missing out? I'd read it. I read it and then I immediately downloaded it and listened to it. And I'd never done that. I've read thousands of books. It was that good. And I, I happened to read it right after I read outwitting the devil. So it was, it was kind of cool. I highly recommend it, Rach. Um, three more questions. We'll get you out of here. I talked to you forever. I, again, I,
• 1:12:12
  Anything I could ever do for you and the family. And by the way, I'm going to be in your backyard November 4th. So I'm going to hopefully you're in town and I'm going to come meet the girls. So if you could be or if you could have any animal as a pet, what would it be and why? I am allergic to all animals. So and I have a dog already. So I'm good on pets. No, thank you. That's a good answer. What's your go to karaoke song? I know you're a karaoke singer.
• 1:12:41
  I will survive. Of course. Oh, that's so awesome. You're, oh, God, I love you. What's one thing on your bucket list that you're excited, that you're excited to accomplish? Oh, okay. My friend, Andrea, and I have a deal that when I am 93 and she's 90, we are going to jump out of a plane. So I am, because,
• 1:13:07
  Because it makes sense at that age. Because at that age, it's okay if things go wrong. We had a very full life. Any day before that would be irresponsible as parents. And I'm excited to be 93 years old. My bucket list is to be at least 95.
• 1:13:26
  I want to be 120. That's why I take such good care of myself. Remember, take a screenshot this, tag Rachel, tag me, tag loyal lunatics. I'm sorry, hashtag loyal lunatics. And she will send you a signed copy of her book. And believe me, you're going to love it. First three people. Hold on. Be easy there, sir. First three people.
• 1:13:50
  First three people. Sorry. Yes. Right. Sorry. I just, I was, I was just about to gush on you and I just am so excited. I am grateful you exist. Thank you. I'm grateful I met you. Uh, I, I look forward to doing more with you over the years and if there's ever anything I could ever do for you, you have a friend in me, as you've known that anytime you've needed an uplifting message, boom, you've gotten it. And, uh, I, I am in awe of you.
• 1:14:17
  Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for coming on a Harder Than Life podcast. Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.