Latest / Rock My Finances / The Seven Money Wounds Series-Identity – Who Are You Without Your Money, Career, or Success?

Transcript

The Seven Money Wounds Series-Identity – Who Are You Without Your Money, Career, or Success? · Rock My Finances

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  Speaker 1: Investment advisory and financial planning services are offered through Simplicity
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  Speaker 1: intended to be.
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  Speaker 2: Specific financial guidance.
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  Speaker 1: Before you make any decisions regarding your personal financial situation,
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  Speaker 1: you should consult a financial or tax professional to discuss
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: your individual circumstances and objectives.
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  Speaker 3: Welcome to the Rock My Finances show on K4HD Radio
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  Speaker 3: and Talk4TV, where we put the fun in finance. Join
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  Speaker 3: powerhouse Jennifer Jost, CDFA, CMC, and private wealth advisor, as
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  Speaker 3: she collaborates with you to create clarity, control, and confidence
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  Speaker 3: with your money, your way. It's not about the zeros,
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  Speaker 3: so what is it all about? Let's find out. Now,
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  Speaker 3: here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jost.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome back. So glad you're here. We are in the
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  Speaker 2: seven money wounds series. This is the last one.
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  Speaker 1: Yay.
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  Speaker 2: The seventh one. Identity. So what happens when your identity
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  Speaker 2: is tied to your income, career, success, or financial status?
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  Speaker 2: I can tell you right now, y'all, I struggle with
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  Speaker 2: this so much. And it comes and goes, comes and goes,
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  Speaker 2: comes and goes. I do my work, it goes and comes. Oh,
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  Speaker 2: it drives me crazy. So let's uncover the money wound
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  Speaker 2: and the painful connection between money and self-worth. When success
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  Speaker 2: becomes part of who you are, financial loss, retirement, career changes,
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  Speaker 2: or simply just not being where you thought you would
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  Speaker 2: be can devastate your self-esteem as well. When your worth
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  Speaker 2: feels threatened, fear can drive decisions you might never otherwise
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  Speaker 2: make and separate you from what you are actually able
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  Speaker 2: to achieve. So absolutely, I'll keep a deep, Sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay.
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  Speaker 2: This one just really hits home for me. Very personal.
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  Speaker 2: I understand it. I recognize it. I coach around it
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  Speaker 2: and I can understand intellectually exactly what's happening. And still
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  Speaker 2: I struggle to shake it off sometimes because when you've
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  Speaker 2: spent years and years and years building a career, earning money, saving,
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  Speaker 2: doing the right thing, achieving, helping people, being successful, something
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  Speaker 2: very subtle can happen. What you do starts becoming who
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  Speaker 2: you are and what you earn starts becoming the evidence
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  Speaker 2: of what you're worth. That's the identity money wound. So
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  Speaker 2: when business slows down or maybe your income changes or
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  Speaker 2: you actually even retire or maybe even change jobs, if
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  Speaker 2: we lose money in the market or a house or
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  Speaker 2: a rental house or something, or maybe you're just simply
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  Speaker 2: not where you thought you would be. It doesn't feel
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  Speaker 2: like just something in your financial life has changed. It
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  Speaker 2: actually feels like you have changed. And this is what
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  Speaker 2: I own. I actually feel bad about myself when things
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  Speaker 2: aren't where I think that they should be for the years.
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  Speaker 2: So my self-esteem takes a hit. My confidence takes a
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  Speaker 2: hit for sure. And then suddenly I could be making
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  Speaker 2: financial decisions, not because they're right for me, but actually
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  Speaker 2: because I'm trying to be desperately hanging on to what
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  Speaker 2: I have maybe in the scarcity mode. And I just
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  Speaker 2: need to feel that success and the income, the income, money,
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  Speaker 2: whatever it might be. Today, we're going to go somewhere
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  Speaker 2: where most financial conversations never go. We're not talking about
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  Speaker 2: how to increase your net worth. We're talking about what
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  Speaker 2: happens when your net worth quietly becomes your self-worth. So
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  Speaker 2: the zeroes, and I always say this all the time,
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  Speaker 2: it's not about the zeroes. And we get caught up
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  Speaker 2: in the zeros so many times. So here's the question
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  Speaker 2: nobody wants to answer. Imagine I take my job title away,
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  Speaker 2: take your business away, take your income away, take your house,
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  Speaker 2: take all your investment accounts, take your degrees away, take
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  Speaker 2: all your certifications, all your awards, all your accomplishments. I'm
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  Speaker 2: not saying you lose them. I'm asking you to mentally
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  Speaker 2: remove them just for the moment. I'm a mother, I'm
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  Speaker 2: a business owner, I'm an advisor, I'm a teacher, I'm
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  Speaker 2: the person who everyone comes to. Those are just roles. Again,
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  Speaker 2: who are you without describing what you do or what
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  Speaker 2: you own or what you've achieved or what you can
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  Speaker 2: provide for someone else? That's a much harder question. And
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  Speaker 2: that's where the identity money wound can help begin to
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  Speaker 2: reveal itself. If your financial success has become part of
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  Speaker 2: your identity, Taking away the financial evidence of success can
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  Speaker 2: feel like it's taking part of you away, right? For me,
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  Speaker 2: for sure. I mean, I feel like that's part of
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  Speaker 2: who I am is a financial advisor and a money coach.
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  Speaker 2: Like that's who I am. So when we take that away,
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  Speaker 2: I have to see myself in my spiritual being and
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  Speaker 2: who I am is just Jennifer as JJ, as they
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  Speaker 2: know me around here as, you know, just this human.
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  Speaker 2: And how do I see myself? So it's a great,
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  Speaker 2: great exercise to check out. And when your money becomes
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  Speaker 2: your scoreboard, this is one of the biggest ways identity
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  Speaker 2: money wound shows up, especially for people in business careers
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  Speaker 2: where income is constantly measured, which is like me, I'm
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  Speaker 2: in sales. You're in sales. Oh, I have a two-parter
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  Speaker 2: coming up around sales and women in sales. And we're
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  Speaker 2: always keeping score per se. We're not trying to, but
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  Speaker 2: that's how we count clients and money and everything that's
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  Speaker 2: coming in is always based on commission. I can't stand it.
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  Speaker 2: I got out of that game a long time ago.
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  Speaker 2: So sometimes a low month, a low dollar month might
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  Speaker 2: mean there's something wrong with me. Maybe new clients or
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  Speaker 2: no new clients might say, I've got it. I'm doing
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  Speaker 2: great if I get new clients or I'm losing it.
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  Speaker 2: I don't know what I'm doing if I don't get
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  Speaker 2: new clients. And then maybe we start thinking I'm not
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  Speaker 2: as good as I thought I would. I have so
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  Speaker 2: been there. Totally. Totally. I start questioning everything that I've
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  Speaker 2: known in this industry for decades and decades. And then
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  Speaker 2: it just takes me a second to get back to
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  Speaker 2: exactly who I am. Or maybe even a new client
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  Speaker 2: comes in and I talk to them. Or just a
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  Speaker 2: person at a party. It's like, oh my gosh, I
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  Speaker 2: actually do know my stuff, right? So we want to
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  Speaker 2: make sure that we know what's going on. Someone else
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  Speaker 2: earns more and suddenly you're feeling like you're behind. Notice
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  Speaker 2: what's happening. A number... became a verdict about who you are.
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  Speaker 2: So a dollar sign became my success measurement. Revenue is
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  Speaker 2: just information. Income is just information. Investment performance is just information.
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  Speaker 2: None of these numbers are supposed to be a grade
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  Speaker 2: on who we are and who our worth is as
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  Speaker 2: a human being. We are making it that. We want
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  Speaker 2: to stop and cancel, cancel. The identity wound can make
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  Speaker 2: us feel exactly like that. And here's where it gets dangerous.
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  Speaker 2: When money becomes the way you get your self-esteem back,
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  Speaker 2: you can start making decisions that you would not normally make.
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  Speaker 2: And that's not really who you are. And you actually
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  Speaker 2: could regret those decisions down the road. You might discount
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  Speaker 2: your services because you desperately need a sale just to
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  Speaker 2: make yourself feel better. You might take a client on
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  Speaker 2: who isn't really right for you Because you're afraid of
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  Speaker 2: losing business. You're afraid of rejection because your self-esteem has
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  Speaker 2: gotten lower. You might even work ridiculous hours because you're
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  Speaker 2: slowing down feels like a failure. You might even take
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  Speaker 2: on more investment risk because you're financially behind. You might
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  Speaker 2: stay in a career that you hate because you're walking
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  Speaker 2: away feels like you're losing your identity. You might spend
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  Speaker 2: more money maintaining the lifestyle because you don't want anyone
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  Speaker 2: to know that anything's changed. Now, I know a lot
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  Speaker 2: of people have done that. I remember back in 2005, 6, 7, 8,
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  Speaker 2: people were literally living on the equity in their homes
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  Speaker 2: in California. They were going on trips. They were buying
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  Speaker 2: cars and boats and second properties. And then once everything
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  Speaker 2: hit and they couldn't afford everything that they had without
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  Speaker 2: that equity because they were literally living their lives on
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  Speaker 2: the equity of their house and their house price plummeted,
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  Speaker 2: they lost everything because it wasn't real money. It wasn't
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  Speaker 2: the real savings and purchase, right? It was just pie
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  Speaker 2: in the sky. So we want to make sure that
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  Speaker 2: we're maintaining the lifestyle that we can currently afford where
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  Speaker 2: we're at and not trying to impress anyone else. We
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  Speaker 2: do not want earning less to feel like we are
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  Speaker 2: becoming something less. That's simply, that's just not ambition anymore.
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  Speaker 2: That's the identity wound influencing your financial decisions. We want
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  Speaker 2: to look at that because we can heal that. That's
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  Speaker 2: the good news, y'all. We can heal that. Okay. You
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  Speaker 2: might've heard about this. The achievement drug. Yes. Achievement feels amazing.
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  Speaker 2: I love achieving. I am competitive. And when I achieve something,
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  Speaker 2: it feels really, really good. You get the promotion. You
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  Speaker 2: land the client. You complete a certification. Maybe even school.
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  Speaker 2: You got your degree. You reach an investment milestone. Maybe
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  Speaker 2: in a savings milestone. Maybe someone introduces you as like
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  Speaker 2: a total successful person for a moment. You feel incredible
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  Speaker 2: and proud, right? Important and validated. And you may feel
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  Speaker 2: very safe and secure inside your financial world. Then that
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  Speaker 2: feeling wears off. off. So you need another win, another client,
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  Speaker 2: another zero, another accomplishment, another person telling you that you're successful.
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  Speaker 2: Yesterday's success becomes today's normal. And now you need something
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  Speaker 2: bigger to create that same feeling. There's nothing wrong with ambition.
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  Speaker 2: I'm completely ambitious and I love it. I love ambitious
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  Speaker 2: women for sure. And I love ambition. It helps us drive.
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  Speaker 2: It helps us create better, better things. The problem becomes
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  Speaker 2: when achievement becomes the medication you use to treat yourself
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  Speaker 2: out instead of looking inwards. The problem begins when achievement
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  Speaker 2: becomes the medication you use. We don't want that because
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  Speaker 2: when you're not simply pursuing success, you're feeling bad about yourself.
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  Speaker 2: So You're using financial success to regulate how you feel
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  Speaker 2: about yourself. And that's where we have to stop it.
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  Speaker 2: There's no financial accomplishment that can permanently heal this money wound.
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  Speaker 2: It's an identity money wound and money did not create
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  Speaker 2: it and it cannot heal it. So here's our hidden
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  Speaker 2: tool number one, the bad month test. Imagine you had
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  Speaker 2: a terrible financial month. Business is down. You didn't get
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  Speaker 2: that raise. You didn't get all the hours you wanted,
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  Speaker 2: whatever it is. You don't sign the client that you
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  Speaker 2: thought you would. Maybe investments decline. Maybe your income just
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  Speaker 2: dramatically lowered from last year. Now I want you to
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  Speaker 2: finish this sentence very quickly. If my income goes down,
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  Speaker 2: that means I am. If my income goes down, that
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  Speaker 2: means I am blank. Finish that. You don't have to
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  Speaker 2: give a big sophisticated answer. Just the most uncomfortable answer.
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  Speaker 2: I am a failure. I am irreverent. I am not
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  Speaker 2: good enough. I'm falling behind. I'm losing my edge. I'm
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  Speaker 2: getting old. I've told myself that totally. I'm not as
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  Speaker 2: successful as everyone thinks. I am a fraud. Have you
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  Speaker 2: ever done the imposter syndrome? Then they're done that, right?
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  Speaker 2: The wound talking. So if my income goes down, that
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  Speaker 2: means I am blank. And if it's negative, that is
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  Speaker 2: the wound talking. My income declined is a financial fact.
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  Speaker 2: I am a failure is an identity conclusion. That is
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  Speaker 2: the identity money wound combined. The two so quickly that
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  Speaker 2: you don't even realize it. So the private comparisons that
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  Speaker 2: we never admit. Let's talk about jealousy, comparison and envy.
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  Speaker 2: Things successful women aren't supposed to really, really feel. Someone
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  Speaker 2: you know announces a huge business wind. You love her.
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  Speaker 2: You genuinely are so very, very happy for her. And
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  Speaker 2: then somewhere inside of you, it's like a gut punch.
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  Speaker 2: Someone buys that house. It's promoted. Sells a company and
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  Speaker 2: makes tons of money. hosts an incredible vacation, maybe announces
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  Speaker 2: their business has grown so much that they were unexpected.
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  Speaker 2: And maybe suddenly you're evaluating your life, your business, your income,
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  Speaker 2: your financial stability. You may genuinely love that person and
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  Speaker 2: still feel very jealous. Both can be very true. That
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  Speaker 2: doesn't make you a bad person. Jealousy can just be information.
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  Speaker 2: Ask yourself, what did her success make me believe about me?
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  Speaker 2: Did I suddenly feel behind? Did I feel less important?
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  Speaker 2: Did I feel less successful? What did I think about myself?
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  Speaker 2: Why isn't that happening for me? What am I doing wrong?
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  Speaker 2: The identity money wound can turn somebody else's financial success
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  Speaker 2: into evidence that you are a failure. Even though their
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  Speaker 2: success took absolutely nothing away from you and absolutely had
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  Speaker 2: nothing to do with you, we can turn it around
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  Speaker 2: to be ourselves. And I've done that. I've seen successful
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  Speaker 2: women in the financial industry that I wish that I
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  Speaker 2: could be at that level And maybe start at the
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  Speaker 2: same time they did. And they're so much more successful.
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  Speaker 2: At least they look like that to me, right? And
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  Speaker 2: then I'm going, okay, why, you know, what am I
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  Speaker 2: doing wrong? For me, I have to be perfect and
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  Speaker 2: I can't be a failure, you know, all that. So
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  Speaker 2: that's my wound, right? What am I doing wrong? Why
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  Speaker 2: am I not reaching that that I want to? So
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  Speaker 2: I have to check that and look at that and
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  Speaker 2: love that part of me, love that part of me
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  Speaker 2: up and realize that has nothing to do with who
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  Speaker 2: I am. When your lifestyle becomes part of your costume, oh,
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  Speaker 2: this is a tough one. So sometimes we're not spending
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  Speaker 2: money simply to just enjoy ourselves, but we're spending money
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  Speaker 2: to maintain that identity, like the car, the house, the neighborhood,
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  Speaker 2: the clothes, for sure. Vacations, restaurants, the club, none of
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  Speaker 2: these things are inherently bad. Enjoy them, have a good time.
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  Speaker 2: Like if this is what makes you happy, you know me,
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  Speaker 2: I want you to enjoy. That's your job is to
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  Speaker 2: be in joy every freaking day, all the time. But,
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  Speaker 2: I want you to ask yourself, what would it mean
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  Speaker 2: about me if I could not afford these things anymore?
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  Speaker 2: If I couldn't afford a nice car, would you simply
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: just adjust your spending or would you feel embarrassed? Would
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: downsizing feel financially smart or like admitting defeat? Would you
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  Speaker 2: worry about what people thought? Your identity money wound can
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  Speaker 2: cause us to maintain a lifestyle that we're no longer
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  Speaker 2: comfortably affording because changing would make us require us to
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  Speaker 2: look publicly becoming someone that we're not. or that we
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  Speaker 2: don't want other people to think that we are. So
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  Speaker 2: here's an example. I am after COVID. I realized I
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  Speaker 2: did not have to have my office anymore because everything
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  Speaker 2: was on zoom. So I got to move, sold my house, rented.
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  Speaker 2: I rented, um, several different places in California. And then I, um,
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  Speaker 2: did what the, um, down South Southern California did San
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  Speaker 2: Diego for a while. It was so fun. Uh, did
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  Speaker 2: Beverly Hills for a while. And then all this time,
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  Speaker 2: I'm still fighting that little voice in the back of
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  Speaker 2: my head saying, renting means you're not successful. Like not
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: owning a home means you're not successful. So that was
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  Speaker 2: a thing to me. And then I looked at that
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  Speaker 2: and I'm like, okay, that's a fictitious or just a
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  Speaker 2: feeling and a thought that's in my head. Because in actuality,
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  Speaker 2: I loved renting. Like I had no house worries, no stress.
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  Speaker 2: I called the landlord if there was an issue. Like
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  Speaker 2: it was great. It was so much freedom. Yes, I
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  Speaker 2: threw away that money during that time on rent and
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  Speaker 2: not building equity in my home. Yes, very aware of
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  Speaker 2: that and made the choice to do that. I just
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  Speaker 2: always had that little voice in the back of my
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  Speaker 2: head as well. Then it went away because I really
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  Speaker 2: did enjoy that time in my life. And it was
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  Speaker 2: pretty cool. Okay, so now hidden tool number two, would
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  Speaker 2: I still want that if nobody knew? Would I still
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: want that car if nobody knew? Before a major purchase
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: accomplishment or a financial goal, just ask yourself, would I
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  Speaker 2: still want this if nobody ever knew I had it?
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: Plus the car, the promotion, the handbag, the business milestone,
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: the awards, the vacation, even a charitable contribution. If you
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  Speaker 2: did it anonymously, would you still want to do it?
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  Speaker 2: That's a big one. A lot of people go to
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  Speaker 2: church and feel like they have to keep up with
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  Speaker 2: the neighbor, right? So if nobody could see it, nobody
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  Speaker 2: could praise it, nobody can envy it, and nobody could
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  Speaker 2: actually congratulate you for it, would you still want it?
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  Speaker 2: If the answer is yes, that's wonderful. Then you would
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  Speaker 2: still want it. And that's great. That's aligned with who
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  Speaker 2: you are. If the answer becomes less clear, then just
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: don't judge yourself, but just kind of get curious. Maybe
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  Speaker 2: a part of what you're buying isn't the actual thing,
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  Speaker 2: but maybe part of what you're buying is the feeling
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  Speaker 2: of being seen a certain way. I think we all
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  Speaker 2: have a little bit of this, right? I know that
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  Speaker 2: for me, clothing does not matter to me. It never has.
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  Speaker 2: But I do know that when I do have a
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  Speaker 2: nice outfit on, I do feel much better and I
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  Speaker 2: enjoy it. I don't judge other people around it because
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: I don't judge myself around it. How we find this
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: is usually what we're judging other people. We got to
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: turn that around and look at ourselves. So here's another one.
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  Speaker 2: I love this. The woman who can't stop working.
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  Speaker 1: Wow.
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  Speaker 2: The identity money wound can also hide in something that
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  Speaker 2: society actually rewards, like just becoming incredibly hardworking. Can you
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  Speaker 2: sit on the couch at two o'clock on a Tuesday
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  Speaker 2: without feeling guilty? It took me a long time to
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  Speaker 2: do that. Can you take a vacation without checking emails?
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  Speaker 2: That's a tough one for me. Can you have a
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  Speaker 2: slow day without thinking that you should be doing something productive? Oh,
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  Speaker 2: this is a hard one. Can you just sit? I
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: had a friend, my friend Diana, growing up there, she
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  Speaker 2: just always, I could never just sit and watch TV ever.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: I'm always doing filing nails, filing paperwork, looking at my computer.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: I'm always doing something besides just watching TV. So I
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  Speaker 2: have cured that, y'all. Not all the time, but most
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  Speaker 2: of the time. And it feels really, really good. But
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  Speaker 2: I didn't start off that way. I felt so guilty
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: for sitting down and not doing anything. Because remember, I
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: grew up in an atmosphere of my family that were entrepreneurs.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: And we worked seven days a week, 365 days a year.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: It was a 24-7 business. It was just always on.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: So I never knew what it was like. We slowed
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: down and watched football games on Sunday. We watched maybe
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: a show or two at night, the 8 o'clock, 8.30 show.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: That's about it. So there wasn't a lot of relaxation.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: We were relaxing. We were sleeping. So I had to
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: switch my thoughts of all of that. So can you
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: retire immediately without needing another project? Or sometimes we're just
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: not afraid anymore. of just doing nothing. We're afraid of
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: just doing nothing because it's scary because we kind of
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: look at ourselves as we are who we do, not
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: who we're being, but what we do. So we're afraid
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: of discovering who we are when no one is looking
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: and I'm no longer producing anything. So if your identity
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: has been built around productive, responsible, successful, financially independent, rest
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: can actually feel like it's threatening to your survival. It's
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: threatening to your security. If you're always a do-do-do-do-do-goer, right?
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: When you're not producing income, the identity money wound whispers,
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: what value are you providing now? That's a tough one, right?
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: And that's why retirement can be so emotionally complicated. When
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: I'm retiring my clients, we obviously plan for five years ahead.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: We plan always ahead. But the one year before, they
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: have to have a calendar of what they're going to do.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: I want everything paid for for the next two years,
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: their vacations, trips, hobbies, whatever they're going to do, house projects,
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: whatever they're going to do. But it's already paid for,
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: so they don't have to worry about the money part
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: of it. But we plan it out. We plan out
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: the year. And we know what we're going to do,
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: what books we're going to read, where we're going, what
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: movies we're going to watch, all that great stuff. And
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: then they can step into it looking at it like
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: it's really, really fun and it's not a burden. So
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: being needed can even become an identity. Moms, I'm talking
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: to you. I know dad's out there as well. This
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: doesn't only happen with careers, but it becomes the provider.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: You are the provider, the rescuer, right? The one who
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: pays for everything, the one who fixes everything, the one
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: who the children call, the one who loans all the money,
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: the one that gives and feels wonderful. But ask yourself,
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: do I give because I generally want to? Or is
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: it because needing, me being needed makes me feel valuable? Now,
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: I know a lot of us out there feel this way.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: If being needed is part of your identity, they know
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: can feel like a huge rejection. You may continue financially
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: rescuing adult children when you really shouldn't be doing it.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: I know shoulda, woulda, couldas, right? Maybe you're rescuing family
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: members or friends when you know it's unhealthy because underneath
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: the money is a much scarier question. If they don't
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: need me anymore, will they still want me? That's a
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: hard one. And when our kids get older, we still
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: want to be of need and we're just not of
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: need as much as we used to be, but will
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: they still want to be around it? The identity money
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: wound is affecting how you give money. Here's your tool
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: for it. The no rescue experiment for one week, Don't
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: automatically fix every problem. I'm not saying abandon someone who
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: generally needs your help. I'm talking about these moments when
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: you immediately jump in and solve something before the other
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: person has even tried. Instead of saying, I'll take care
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: of it, reframe that to, what do you think you're
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: going to do about that? Then pay attention, not to them,
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: but to you. How anxious do you feel? How unimportant
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: do you feel? Are you worried that they're not going
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: to talk to you anymore? They're not going to invite
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: you over. They're not going to need you anymore. Any
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: of that, does that compel you to spend more money
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: than you really think you want to or you should?
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: I love that. I love that. This is a lot
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: of us. This is moms and this is caregivers. You know,
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: we feel so good and valued when we're needed. I
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: still do. I love it when my kids want me
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: to cook for them or take care of the dog
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: or whatever. It makes me feel needed, right? But if
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: we say no to them, how does the relationship go?
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: It's scary sometimes to say no. So practice that for
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: one week. Thank you all for showing up to this episode.
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: That's the end of the seven money wounds. Make sure
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: you check them all out because they're all very good
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: and we all need them and they all show up
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: when we least expect it. Okay, you got seven episodes
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: to listen to. I want you all to be able
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: to watch all of this stuff, do the homework and
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: be able to walk away from these episodes saying, I
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: rock my finances.
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: We appreciate you joining us today, and don't forget to
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: subscribe to the Rock My Finances YouTube channel for more
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: engagement and bonus content. Tell me, what is your money story?
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: Let's find out with Jennifer right here on K4HD Radio
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: and Talk4TV. It's not about the zero. It's about the
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: F word, feelings. Feelings Jennifer can't wait to explore with
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: you next week. Until then, let's all say, I rock
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: my finances.