Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 4 - Episode 120 - Letting go controlling other people

Transcript

Season 4 - Episode 120 - Letting go controlling other people · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

• 0:01
  Hey everybody, welcome to the good morning from the Chicken
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  Coop podcast. My name is Kim Johnson and I am
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  a mastermind, set coach, creative strategist, and also
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  happen to be a farmer. This is my chicken coop and I
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  come out here every day to record a podcast to teach
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  distinctions, possibilities, new ways of thinking, and just bring
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  some joy into the world. So welcome.
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  To the. Coop and let's start your day
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  off in a fantastic way. Hey everybody, good morning.
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  We are talking about letting go of controlling other people.
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  My friends, there is no way to control what other people do.
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  I think we want to believe on some level that we can control
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  other people's behaviors, but the truth is we really can't do
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  it the way by giving them advice.
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  That's what it comes down to. Can't give people advice and
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  expect to control them. They're going to make the
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  decisions they want to make. And sometimes that frustrates
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  the hell out of us because we really want to be able to be
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  like, hey, you came, you asked me, you talked to me, or I just
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  gave you unsolicited advice. You didn't take it, You come
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  back, you complain about things, and then we get frustrated
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  because they don't listen to us. Well, everything, everything
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  that I know about coaching is unless someone really wants to
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  change, they are not going to change.
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  They are just not going to change.
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  However, you can change the dynamics of a situation by
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  simply changing how you show up in in an equation, which is
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  really cool because when you change and how you show up in an
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  equation, then that makes you know the entire, everything in
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  the equation changes. So for instance, somebody comes,
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  they keep asking you for advice, they don't take the advice.
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  You get frustrated. You're like, why don't they
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  change? Why don't they do what they need
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  to do? And you're running around in
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  circles in your head because you're just so frustrated with
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  it and you can't change that behavior.
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  Well, guess what? You can change in effect, you
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  can change your energy around it.
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  So stop getting first, you don't get hooked by it.
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  Do not get hooked by the fact that they're having the
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  challenge they're having. Just let it go.
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  Just be like, OK, that's where they are.
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  That's where they are. I'm not going to not going to
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  argue with them about it. I'm not going to try to change
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  it. I'm not going to do anything
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  like that. I'll listen if that's what it
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  that's what you feel you should do is listen.
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  Listen and say I understand the fit.
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  My favorite phrase to use. I learned this from Wayne Dyer.
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  It's the best thing I understand because when you say the words I
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  understand they feel heard and maybe that's all they needed.
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  Maybe they just needed to feel heard.
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  So when you do that, it takes away your need to shift them and
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  try to change it. Second, you actually have to say
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  I'm the part of this equation that I can change, therefore I
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  will change. So I will not allow myself to go
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  into that place of internally being frustrated.
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  Just shut it down. Nope.
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  I understand what I'm dealing with.
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  You know, a rock is a rock. I understand it's not going to
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  get up and move, walk away from me.
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  So stick to what you can do. Understand what you're dealing
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  with. Don't allow yourself to get
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  hooked by it. Just be like, OK, I'm not going
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  to internally let it eat at me. And the third part of this
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  that's so important is to recognize that the more times
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  you do this with them, the more you will change the equation so
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  they will not be getting what they want from it, and they will
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  stop coming to you and acting the way that they do.
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  That's the simple equation. They will just stop coming.
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  If you stop giving them what you've always given them, they
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  will stop coming and therefore you will have changed the
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  dynamic, change the situation, changed what has been going on.
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  And then you will find a way to be peaceful about it and not be
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  so hooked by them all the time because they get something out
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  of the hook. You get something out of the
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  hook. Believe it or not, we get
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  something out of the hook. And if you're here and you're
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  listening to this, it's because you want to better yourself and
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  those around you, most likely. So you're wanting to help
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  people, but not everybody is willing to participate in their
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  own rescue. So when you, when you recognize
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  that you just have to let that part go, all of a sudden you
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  start to feel lighter. You don't start to, you know,
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  keep feeling like you have such a problem and recognize you
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  can't accept, I mean, you just can't accept that that this is
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  all there is. I, I get that because I'm not
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  same way when you can't accept it and you're like, I just can't
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  accept that I can't do something.
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  Yes, but you can do something internally for yourself.
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  You can change the energy of the situation, but ultimately you
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  cannot change the person. You can change the dynamic of
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  the situation, but not the person on the other side.
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  So there are things in life that you've got to just release.
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  You've got to put them out there.
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  Let the tension go for yourself. Except this person's reaction is
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  out of my control. But my reaction, my internal
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  beliefs, my energy in the equation is in my control.
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  And I can change all of that. And that's a profound difference
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  and a profound leap in how to shift because you recognize it
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  does not require the other individual.
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  All right, my friends, I hope you have a very, very productive
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  and blessed day and don't get hooked when someone throws it
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  out there. All right, I'll see you guys
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  tomorrow. Bye.