Latest / Karl and Crew / Parenting and Teach Q&A with Arlene Pellicane & Discipleship Q&A with Dr. David Nelms

Transcript

Parenting and Teach Q&A with Arlene Pellicane & Discipleship Q&A with Dr. David Nelms · Karl and Crew

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  S1: Broadcasting from Chicago, across North America and beyond. It's Carl
• 0:06
  S1: and crew. Come as you are an experienced guide, overcome
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  S1: what seems impossible and live as you never imagined delivering
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  S1: the truth daily.
• 0:17
  S2: If it were possible to have every worldly gain available
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  S2: and you're forfeiting your soul, there's no amount of gain
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  S2: that would make it worth it.
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  S3: Our own way never ever works. Because it's apart from
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  S3: the life source, which is God.
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  S4: For me, growing up, love was always conditional and can
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  S4: be taken from you. Christ's love can't. And he went
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  S4: to the cross with my mind and my heart that night.
• 0:44
  S1: Now from the call of Hope Studios, this is Carl
• 0:48
  S1: and crew.
• 0:49
  S5: We think about rescue. We think about this in a
• 0:51
  S5: lot of terms. And any kind of spiritual rescue has
• 0:57
  S5: a lot of anecdotal stuff that relates to everyday life.
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  S5: Have you ever noticed that, Ali?
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  S2: Yes, very much so.
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  S5: So we've got a special guest in here, Arlene Pellekaan.
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  S5: We're talking kids in tech and we're taking your phone
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  S5: calls 805 557898. Any question you've got for Arlene, now's
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  S5: your time. You want to ask an expert? What do
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  S5: we do with kids in tech?
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  S2: 805 557898 Arlene, before we get to solutions, of which
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  S2: I know you have many practical strategies, tell us the problem.
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  S2: Give us the bad news. Every single person listening or many,
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  S2: many people listening, I should say, recognize that screens are
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  S2: are not. Their relationship with screens are not completely healthy
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  S2: both themselves and their kids. I'm not speaking for everybody,
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  S2: but I'm speaking for most. How bad is the problem?
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  S6: The majority, that's for sure. We know all these terrible statistics.
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  S6: We've heard them before. And when you look at a
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  S6: phone or a or tablet, particularly for a child. I
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  S6: want you to remember this conversation and think of the a, B, c,
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  S6: d harms. A anxiety amplifier. B bad babysitter c childhood
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  S6: killer d dopamine dealer. So that when I give this
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  S6: to a child, I am going to I'm going to
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  S6: amplify whatever anxiety is already there. And if there's no anxiety,
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  S6: we will give you some. We will dish it out
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  S6: to you. Bad babysitter. I'm going to leave this with you.
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  S6: And wow, if it was a babysitter in real life,
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  S6: I've come home at the end of the evening. You're
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  S6: still on watching TV, eating potato chips, looking at a
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  S6: rated-r movie. I'm going to fire that babysitter. Right. Childhood killer.
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  S6: Once you have that device, you know the times of, oh,
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  S6: look at mommy. That butterfly is so pretty. You know,
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  S6: you can kiss that goodbye. All those little things of wonder,
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  S6: of childhood connection with your parents that will be replaced
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  S6: by the screen and just kill your childhood and the
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  S6: dopamine dealer, you know, who calls their customers users, drug lords,
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  S6: tech companies. And once they taste this really highly addictive substance,
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  S6: and yes, it's a digital drug, but I don't have
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  S6: to convince you because you all you have to do
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  S6: is look around and everyone's glued to their phones and
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  S6: you think, how is that happening? It's because that dopamine,
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  S6: where else in life can you get that? So before
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  S6: you say, oh, I'm going to, you know, buy a
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  S6: Christmas present for my grandchild or I'm going to get,
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  S6: you know, say, wait a minute, this has a B, C,
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  S6: D harms I better, I better delay on this.
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  S5: Good grief. I don't know if you've shared that here
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  S5: before and I wasn't listening, but that is new.
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  S6: It's a new way to look at the phone.
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  S7: It's in my book.
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  S6: The Great Tech Reset. Yeah. We're going to rescue some
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  S6: kids here.
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  S7: It's our well, it's to be truth.
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  S6: Telling.
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  S7: You that telling about.
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  S5: Give that to us again. Give it. Give us a b,
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  S5: c d yeah. One more time.
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  S6: The A is in anxiety amplifier, B bad babysitter, C
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  S6: childhood killer and d dopamine dealer.
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  S7: Wow.
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  S5: Yeah. That's epic. I mean, that's epic.
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  S7: And you know.
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  S6: It's the same thing for adults. You know that.
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  S7: It's.
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  S5: Very.
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  S7: Similar.
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  S6: And the childhood killer is between you and perhaps your
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  S6: own children, your niece or nephew, the kids in your life,
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  S6: or just the you that wonder. A wonder killer for adults.
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  S5: Okay. Arlene Pelikan is our guest. Nuff said. There. You
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  S5: got questions for Arlene? How do you get this under control?
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  S5: I mean, if A, B, C, and D are real
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  S5: and they are, how do you get them under control? 805, 55, 78, 98.
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  S5: Let's load up the phone lines. Ask the experts, wherever
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  S5: you are in this world, grab your phone 800, 555 7898.
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  S5: When we get back, we're going to take as many
• 4:53
  S5: calls as we can. Call now 805 557898.
• 4:59
  S1: Get in the know with life's biggest questions. It's Ask
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  S1: the Experts week with Carl and crew.
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  S2: Ask the expert this morning. Right now we are taking
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  S2: your calls, your questions on kids and tech. Arlene Pelican, speaker, author,
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  S2: host of the Happy Home podcast. Our guest expert want
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  S2: to get right to the phones. Lindsay's calling in this
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  S2: morning from Sarasota, Sarasota, Florida. Go ahead and give us
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  S2: your question on kids in Tech for Arlene.
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  S8: Great. Thank you so much, Arlene. It's an honor to
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  S8: speak with you. I use you as a resource all
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  S8: the time. I'm a a rarity in that I, um,
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  S8: my 11 and 14 year old do not have handheld devices.
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  S8: They do not have phones. And I'm just humbly bragging
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  S8: that my my kids are amazing. And my husband's a
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  S8: school counselor and has seen the evolution or maybe I
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  S8: should say devolution of like, what has happened to kids
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  S8: with phones. And so, and our kids thankfully have understood
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  S8: because they see the change in their friends. Um, my
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  S8: son is going into high school next year. Um, he's
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  S8: actually going to the, a private Christian school that my
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  S8: husband is a counselor at. And we do know that
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  S8: they lock down phones during the school day, which is
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  S8: a huge blessing. However, I know, you know, there's social
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  S8: outside of school and I'm just trying to navigate this
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  S8: in a way we're still honoring. Um, we don't want
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  S8: them to have screens. We're considering just getting a dumb phone,
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  S8: like just something that can talk and text. Um, but
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  S8: I'm just, I'm struggling on how to properly navigate this, um,
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  S8: going forward.
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  S6: You're doing such a good job. So awesome. Um, I
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  S6: would you, my husband had the saying that, oh, it's
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  S6: going so well, why would we want to change it?
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  S6: So that was kind of our mindset coming into high
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  S6: school was like, okay, this is we can see a
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  S6: difference in our kids and they are doing better because
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  S6: they don't have video games, social media, a personal phone
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  S6: right at their fingertips. So I do think a dumb
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  S6: phone is a good idea for you to start high
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  S6: school with, and not to give it as a gift,
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  S6: but instead to give it as a trial. You know, like, hey,
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  S6: let's try this out. This is new for all of us.
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  S6: Let's do this for a month and then come back
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  S6: and let's just see like, we'll talk with you. You know,
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  S6: how are you feeling about this? What's happening with your time,
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  S6: you know, and kind of see what kind of attention
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  S6: they're giving even to that dumb phone because you may
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  S6: find like my word, every ten minutes you're checking that
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  S6: thing to see if you have a group text. And
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  S6: so you can, you know, check that. But I would
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  S6: start with a dumb phone for us. We didn't introduce
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  S6: a smartphone until the senior year later. And that worked
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  S6: out really well.
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  S5: Arlene, how do you prevent a kid? Because the vast
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  S5: tide of kids out there are on these phones left
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  S5: and right. Right?
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  S7: Yeah.
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  S5: Yes. And some, by the way, some really good kids
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  S5: are navigating it. So let's be real fair here. There's
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  S5: some there's some that are navigating it. Well, the vast
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  S5: majority aren't. How do you how do you help a
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  S5: kid not get tech addicted and not get bitter. Because, look,
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  S5: I mean, in the old days it was you can't
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  S5: go to this party, you can't go to this dance.
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  S5: And I'll tell you what, we embittered a lot of
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  S5: kids against Christ in the church. How do you do that?
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  S6: Yes. You know, I think of the Josh McDowell rules
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  S6: without relationship, equal rebellion. So it's you know what? If
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  S6: we're going to have these strict policies with technology, we
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  S6: are going to amp up the fun. We are going
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  S6: to have so much fun in our house. We are
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  S6: going to go out, we're going to figure out what
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  S6: do the kids like. We're going to do things around
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  S6: their interests, whether it's music, skiing, art, horses, cars, whatever
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  S6: it is, we're going to be into it. If you
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  S6: like it, I like it. So, you know, maybe at
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  S6: first your kids are going to be like, I'd really
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  S6: rather have the technology than to have my mommy and
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  S6: daddy be my friend about this thing. But you just
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  S6: be relentless and we are going to make our house
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  S6: a place of fun, a place of love, a place
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  S6: where we do two handed activities that we're involved in
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  S6: real life and what will eventually happen, and hopefully sooner
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  S6: than later, your kids will realize like, oh wow, my
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  S6: parents are on my side. They actually don't hate me.
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  S6: They're not trying to ruin my life. And I hate
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  S6: to admit it, but I'm kind of having a good
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  S6: time here and I feel pretty good and healthy. You know,
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  S6: that is what you're aiming for and really give them
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  S6: skills that they can. Okay, so they missed out on
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  S6: they didn't know the latest TikTok craze, but wow, they
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  S6: sure are getting really good at whatever it is, right?
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  S6: Woodworking with, you know, sports, music, etc. and that's going
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  S6: to buoy them in the loss of not having the
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  S6: technology real quick.
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  S5: Uh, Arlene, this is the bigger. Yes. And I'm big
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  S5: on this one. I think when we even approach our
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  S5: spiritual life from, oh, God doesn't want me doing that.
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  S5: We've totally missed it. It's the bigger. Yes. You got
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  S5: to be screaming in these kids ears, right?
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  S6: Yeah. That's right. You know, and, and the spiritual Component
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  S6: of that technology is huge because in AI, we get
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  S6: to be God. We get to make our own God.
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  S6: We get to create an ever present, something that's always
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  S6: affirming to us. And that's not how real the real
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  S6: gospel works. And at the end of the day, you're
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  S6: empty without AI. But when you have that bigger. Yes,
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  S6: if I am surrendered to Jesus Christ, I'm having an
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  S6: adventure with him. You have abundant life. You have joy.
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  S6: You have peace. You have purpose.
• 10:17
  S2: Arlene Pelikan, our guest right now taking your questions on
• 10:20
  S2: kids and tech. 805 5578980. Let's go to the phones.
• 10:26
  S2: Mickey calling in from Smyrna, Tennessee. It looks like you
• 10:29
  S2: are about to ask the question that many are thinking.
• 10:32
  S2: Go ahead Mickey.
• 10:34
  S9: Yes, my grandson is addicted to the tablet and it
• 10:37
  S9: is just grinding on my nerves.
• 10:40
  S7: Yeah.
• 10:41
  S9: I mean.
• 10:44
  S10: Ah it's grinding. I'm sorry for laughing.
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  S9: He has. That's okay. He has a heart of gold
• 10:52
  S9: and he works with me. Mowing a lot, you know.
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  S9: And that keeps his mind off of it. But as
• 10:57
  S9: soon as we're done mowing, he's got to go right
• 10:59
  S9: back to that addiction. And he's driving me crazy. I said, Jesus,
• 11:02
  S9: give me some wisdom on how to handle this without
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  S9: seeing a temper tantrum from him, you know?
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  S6: Yeah, yeah. Good for you. Good for you. Because you
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  S6: can see that difference. You pray for your grandchild, say, Lord,
• 11:16
  S6: you know, give wisdom. And I realized that it's biological
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  S6: so that biologically his brain is so trained to, I
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  S6: need to go get that. So it's not like he's
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  S6: a good kid. He's a bad kid. He's biologically trained
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  S6: to go to that tablet. So it is that tablet
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  S6: that is the evil, addictive monster. Now you have to
• 11:34
  S6: be not a crazy grandparent, you know, with your adult kids.
• 11:38
  S6: So they oh, dad, he's crazy about this. So it's
• 11:41
  S6: praying for an opportunity to share with your kids, maybe research. Again, my,
• 11:46
  S6: my new book is called The Great Tech reset reclaiming
• 11:49
  S6: real life for Christian families. That's a book you can say, hey,
• 11:52
  S6: look at the research. What's it doing to the brain?
• 11:55
  S6: Sometimes parents, they, they, they don't want to change in
• 11:58
  S6: terms of, I you're, you're from another generation. You don't
• 12:00
  S6: understand this technological world, but just keep thinking and talking
• 12:04
  S6: about what's this doing to my son's brain, my grandson's brain?
• 12:07
  S6: What's it doing to his ability to read, his ability
• 12:10
  S6: to be bored, his ability to be creative, his ability
• 12:12
  S6: to self-regulate himself and do a hard thing even when
• 12:16
  S6: he doesn't feel like it. And really with the adult parents,
• 12:20
  S6: you know, try to talk about that, that we want
• 12:22
  S6: this grandson to have a healthy brain. And I want
• 12:24
  S6: to help you guys. How can I help you? And
• 12:26
  S6: while he's at your house, you're doing the best thing
• 12:28
  S6: you can keep that kid mowing so he can't get.
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  S7: To the tablet, get.
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  S10: More yards.
• 12:32
  S5: Uh, we used to unashamedly. I want to use the
• 12:37
  S5: word bribe, but incentivize. That's a better.
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  S7: Word. That's right.
• 12:40
  S5: We used to incentive. We used to incentivize our kids
• 12:44
  S5: on scripture reading and we incentivize them pretty picking, well,
• 12:48
  S5: to be honest with you. Yeah. And there's something to
• 12:51
  S5: be said because every God of this age is incentivizing
• 12:55
  S5: our kids some direction. Speak to that. Is that out
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  S5: of bounds or is that okay?
• 13:01
  S6: I do not think that is out of bounds. You know,
• 13:03
  S6: so what we did is we instead of giving an allowance,
• 13:07
  S6: we would pay for certain things. So we'd pay for books.
• 13:10
  S6: You want to read a book? Great. After you read
• 13:12
  S6: the book, you'll get 20 bucks in your hand after
• 13:15
  S6: you give a book report at the dinner table, and
• 13:16
  S6: we'll put 80 bucks in the bank for you. So
• 13:19
  S6: that's how we did it. Like we're gonna.
• 13:20
  S7: Do.
• 13:21
  S6: It that way. And then for scriptures, we do games
• 13:24
  S6: of like whoever, like I'd say a scripture, and then
• 13:27
  S6: whoever could ring the bell and say it like they
• 13:29
  S6: got a dollar. So it's true. So those kinds of.
• 13:32
  S7: Things.
• 13:33
  S6: It's okay, you're going to spend money anyway. So you
• 13:36
  S6: might as well spend the money in something, you know,
• 13:39
  S6: have this goal of, hey, we're going to go screen
• 13:41
  S6: free for the month. And at the end of the month,
• 13:43
  S6: we're going to go to this amusement park that we've
• 13:45
  S6: been wanting to go to, you know, so. So all
• 13:47
  S6: these things that you're already going to do with your
• 13:50
  S6: with your money, use it to incentivize them to get
• 13:54
  S6: off the screens, to do something worthwhile to be in Scripture,
• 13:57
  S6: serve someone else, etc..
• 13:59
  S2: Arlene Pelikan with us right now. Got a question that
• 14:01
  S2: came in by text message. Someone says, what can I
• 14:04
  S2: do with a husband? That first thing in the morning?
• 14:07
  S2: He picks up his phone. It's not good morning, wants
• 14:10
  S2: to watch TV kind of nonstop. We would be, um,
• 14:15
  S2: remiss if we suggest that this is just a problem
• 14:17
  S2: with our kids. I mean, every generation, but I'm hearing
• 14:21
  S2: more and more people who are saying, you know, I've
• 14:23
  S2: got my parents who are who are older and they
• 14:26
  S2: can't put down their phones. What do we do for
• 14:28
  S2: the adults who are having the same struggle?
• 14:31
  S6: Oh, it's so huge. This is huge. And so I
• 14:34
  S6: think that it begins with starting on yourself instead of
• 14:38
  S6: your spouse, because once it's you don't do this and
• 14:41
  S6: you need to do this and you need to do this.
• 14:43
  S6: It's like, that's not going to happen. But the I statements.
• 14:46
  S6: You know, I really miss you. I, I, I'd like
• 14:49
  S6: to see your eyeballs in the morning. I don't feel
• 14:51
  S6: connected with you. Could we try something? How about like
• 14:55
  S6: the first 15 minutes of the day? No phones. Could
• 14:58
  S6: we try that for five days? Because I miss you.
• 15:00
  S6: I want to be more connected to you. And maybe
• 15:03
  S6: it's really huge acts of kindness that that you're you're
• 15:07
  S6: starting this change by doing the unexpected, you know, that. Oh, wow,
• 15:11
  S6: you just kissed me. Why did you do that? Or
• 15:13
  S6: you bought me my favorite cup of coffee? What's going on?
• 15:16
  S6: You know, something that you do to shake us out
• 15:19
  S6: of our stupor to say, I miss you. Could we
• 15:22
  S6: do something different? Might we try a different habit for
• 15:25
  S6: five days? And and I just I want a better
• 15:27
  S6: relationship with you. And most good spouses will say good
• 15:31
  S6: and decent people will say, yeah, okay, I want a
• 15:34
  S6: good relationship with you, too.
• 15:36
  S5: All right. Let's get a couple more questions in here
• 15:38
  S5: for Arlene Pelikan 805 557898 805 557898 tech and kids
• 15:48
  S5: and adults.
• 15:50
  S1: When you don't know who's better to ask than an expert.
• 15:54
  S1: You're listening to Carl and Crew.
• 15:56
  S2: Taking your questions for Arlene Pelikan on Kids and Tech. Arlene,
• 16:01
  S2: here's a question that I have. Does moderation work with
• 16:04
  S2: this stuff? I mean.
• 16:06
  S5: It's a great question.
• 16:07
  S2: The compromise seems to be okay. Maybe we don't get
• 16:10
  S2: rid of all of it, but maybe we set some parameters.
• 16:13
  S2: The challenge, as I've definitely experienced in our household, is
• 16:17
  S2: that it's difficult. The moderation has been challenging. Tell us,
• 16:22
  S2: is it am I trying something that's just doomed to fail?
• 16:26
  S7: You are.
• 16:26
  S6: You are correct that this a lot of people feel
• 16:29
  S6: this way. I would say for most moderation doesn't work
• 16:34
  S6: and for some it will. And you know, I lean
• 16:37
  S6: on Melanie Hempy over at Screen Strong. She's a nurse
• 16:40
  S6: and kind of like, well, you wouldn't use this addictive
• 16:43
  S6: thing just a little, right? So it's like, okay, this
• 16:46
  S6: is addictive for a purpose. And, and to think of,
• 16:49
  S6: you know, I just think of like a plate of cookies, right?
• 16:52
  S6: And if I say I have a plate of cookies
• 16:55
  S6: in my house, like a dozen of them open and
• 16:59
  S6: I say, I'm going to use moderation. You know, sometimes
• 17:02
  S6: that works, but a whole lot of times it does
• 17:04
  S6: not work. And it's very similar in technology. You know,
• 17:07
  S6: if I'm really serious about getting healthy and losing weight,
• 17:10
  S6: then I'm going to say, please get those cookies out
• 17:12
  S6: of my house. I just can't even look at them
• 17:15
  S6: because once I start down that path, I'm not going
• 17:17
  S6: to be able to recover. And, and so that is
• 17:19
  S6: a realistic question to ask as a family. How is
• 17:23
  S6: that moderation thing working? And if it isn't, then it's,
• 17:27
  S6: it's really just not really you, it's not your fault
• 17:29
  S6: that you're not a bad person. The self-control, it's that
• 17:32
  S6: this is an addictive product. So which is worse? You know,
• 17:35
  S6: you're kind of picking your poison. Would I rather. Yeah,
• 17:38
  S6: struggle with moderation? Or would I rather say, let's get
• 17:41
  S6: this out of our house.
• 17:43
  S5: This is a really quick one and it's heart wrenching here.
• 17:46
  S5: My daughter turned 12 yesterday. Her dad and I are divorced.
• 17:49
  S5: He's allowed her on TikTok and other portals. And then
• 17:53
  S5: it goes into this anxiety depression. There is actually cutting
• 17:58
  S5: and other things that I'm not going to say on air,
• 18:01
  S5: because the little ears I can't call because I can't
• 18:04
  S5: keep from crying, she says.
• 18:06
  S6: Her dad.
• 18:07
  S5: Her dad can't see the connection. What can I do? Um,
• 18:10
  S5: so here's, here's what I want to say first, because
• 18:14
  S5: Arlene's going to be out of here soon. Go to
• 18:16
  S5: Arlene's website. I don't know if you tackle this directly,
• 18:19
  S5: but happy is our key word here for Arlene. Happy
• 18:22
  S5: 805 557898. Please go there. It's got a plethora of resources.
• 18:28
  S5: Text happy to 805 557898 that we got to be
• 18:34
  S5: quick with this one. Arlene, do you have do you
• 18:36
  S5: have a resource? What do you do with this?
• 18:38
  S6: Yeah. You know, and I think it's what you can do,
• 18:41
  S6: what God can do. So we start there because this
• 18:44
  S6: is something we as humans cannot do anything about this,
• 18:47
  S6: but praying for that freedom and that that bondage to
• 18:51
  S6: be broken, that's the first step. And then to do
• 18:54
  S6: what you can when, when she is under your roof
• 18:57
  S6: to show that you are loved and that you're beautiful
• 19:00
  S6: and giving other experiences. Because when she's on that phone
• 19:03
  S6: and on TikTok, she is being fed all this poison. And,
• 19:07
  S6: and you're right, I find a support group of people
• 19:11
  S6: that are like minded with you that can support you.
• 19:15
  S5: Mhm. This is so good. And this person just texted happy.
• 19:19
  S5: She just did it herself. And then she just put
• 19:22
  S5: thank you with about five exclamation points.
• 19:25
  S6: Mhm. And we're so sorry.
• 19:27
  S5: Yeah. And, Arlene, I want to double spike this. God
• 19:30
  S5: can do miraculous things to reorder that girl's private world
• 19:36
  S5: in ways like we can't even imagine. And and that bigger. Yes.
• 19:40
  S5: When you're with her, that's a killer. Okay. Way to go.
• 19:46
  S5: Happy to. 805. Five. Five. 78. 98. Uh, I think
• 19:50
  S5: we love Arlene, don't we? Here.
• 19:52
  S2: Oh my goodness. So much good content on her website podcast.
• 19:56
  S2: She's written quite a few books. Uh, just text happy
• 19:58
  S2: to 805 557898 get connected with more of her resources.
• 20:04
  S1: You've got questions. They've got answers. It's Ask the Experts
• 20:09
  S1: week with Carl and crew.
• 20:10
  S5: Ask the experts all day long here. Boy, they just
• 20:13
  S5: keep coming.
• 20:14
  S2: I mean, so much good content. You're definitely want to
• 20:17
  S2: get going to want to get that show cast today.
• 20:19
  S2: Text show 805 557898. We are full of expert advice.
• 20:25
  S2: Biblically sound given in love. So just text show to
• 20:29
  S2: 800 555, 78, 98.
• 20:32
  S5: Okay. Oh, man. I got to tell you, tomorrow's going
• 20:34
  S5: to be a big day. We kick off in earnest.
• 20:37
  S5: Everything share And we're asking you to be a part
• 20:39
  S5: of this. We're listener supported. We're not asking for a
• 20:42
  S5: penny today, but I am asking for prayer. I'm asking
• 20:44
  S5: for just contriteness just asking the spirit. Spirit of the
• 20:48
  S5: living God. What would you have me do, if anything
• 20:52
  S5: at all? And as you're bumped and nudged along by
• 20:56
  S5: the spirit, we'd ask you to jump in. So grateful.
• 20:59
  S5: In pre share, we've seen a lot of new to
• 21:01
  S5: the crew jump in here.
• 21:02
  S2: So encouraging last week. And I know many of you
• 21:05
  S2: got a couple gifts from us. The Unstoppable Gospel. That
• 21:08
  S2: book is going to be available throughout. Share comes out
• 21:11
  S2: officially tomorrow.
• 21:13
  S5: Yeah, it's it's a big day tomorrow. A lot of
• 21:15
  S5: cool stuff going on. Um, here's what we've got going on.
• 21:19
  S5: We are shifting gears now into discipleship. So there's a
• 21:25
  S5: lot of you that have questions about discipleship and let's
• 21:29
  S5: prime the pump. I think we got David Nelms with
• 21:32
  S5: us right now. David, you with us, my man.
• 21:34
  S11: Yes, I am Carl. Good to hear your voice.
• 21:37
  S5: Good to good to have you with us. Oh, Ali
• 21:40
  S5: and I talk about this a lot. We live in
• 21:42
  S5: a world that is gone, that needs to make a
• 21:45
  S5: big shift in the church from spectator to engaged, uh,
• 21:51
  S5: disciple and disciple. What is that gap right now? Is
• 21:56
  S5: it bigger than we might imagine?
• 22:00
  S11: Well, you know, I think it depends on the church.
• 22:03
  S11: I know, I know pastors pretty well. I was one
• 22:06
  S11: for 37 years, and just about every pastor I know,
• 22:11
  S11: their heart's desire is to disciple people, to make disciple makers,
• 22:17
  S11: to see them grow strong in the Lord and be
• 22:19
  S11: able to disciple others. But wanting it and seeing it
• 22:23
  S11: happen sometimes are definitely two different things for sure.
• 22:27
  S2: So what is the what? How do you account for
• 22:30
  S2: the gap if the desire is there? So every pastor's
• 22:34
  S2: heart that you know, there's the desire, the want to.
• 22:37
  S2: But yet it's not happening in so many churches. What
• 22:40
  S2: do you say?
• 22:41
  S11: Yeah, yeah, it's good to hear your voice, too. Um,
• 22:45
  S11: here's this. Just my opinion. Okay. And I want to
• 22:49
  S11: warn your listeners I am wrong. At least 50% of
• 22:52
  S11: the time.
• 22:52
  S12: Okay. Okay. All right.
• 22:55
  S11: So just as a disclaimer. But what I think has happened,
• 22:59
  S11: at least from the background I came from, is somewhere
• 23:03
  S11: we made a turn from church health to church growth.
• 23:09
  S11: And it's not that you can't have both. You can't
• 23:11
  S11: have both. But the focus became growing your attendance rather
• 23:18
  S11: than making disciples who make disciples. And sometimes those two
• 23:25
  S11: can run side by side. Sometimes they can't. Uh, it's
• 23:29
  S11: almost like corporate America crept into the church. And so
• 23:34
  S11: if we were running 100 last year, we need to
• 23:37
  S11: be running 150 this year or we're not successful.
• 23:40
  S12: Yeah.
• 23:41
  S11: And so you begin to do things. Everything you do
• 23:44
  S11: at the church becomes aimed at increasing the attendance, rather
• 23:50
  S11: than being aimed at raising up disciples who can make
• 23:54
  S11: other disciples. Uh, and I could give you all kinds
• 23:57
  S11: of examples of that. We, we make the service amount
• 24:01
  S11: of time that we think we can hold their attention. We,
• 24:05
  S11: we try to make everything as comfortable as we can
• 24:07
  S11: for people while they're there. We stay away from certain
• 24:12
  S11: topics that we think might chase people off. And our
• 24:16
  S11: hope is that by, by, uh, appealing to them, by
• 24:22
  S11: attracting them. And you guys are familiar with what's often
• 24:25
  S11: called the Attractional model by attracting them, that we will
• 24:29
  S11: keep them coming long enough to where the Holy Spirit
• 24:32
  S11: will begin to work on them. And they will. They
• 24:34
  S11: will grow. And that does happen sometimes, but but it
• 24:39
  S11: kind of runs contrary to what Jesus said. Jesus said,
• 24:41
  S11: if you want to follow me, deny or be my disciple.
• 24:44
  S11: Deny yourself. Take up your cross, follow me. And that's
• 24:49
  S11: that does not sound very attractional to me. It sounds
• 24:52
  S11: just the opposite.
• 24:53
  S12: Yeah.
• 24:54
  S5: Yeah, that's really good. David Nelms, our guest right now,
• 24:58
  S5: we want to take your questions. All questions. Discipleship. Now
• 25:02
  S5: we're into a season and a cycle in a year
• 25:04
  S5: where there's a lot of small groups starting off and
• 25:08
  S5: you want to move. We talk a lot around here
• 25:10
  S5: about moving from knowledge brokers to disciple makers. It's one
• 25:14
  S5: thing to share, boy, this is what I learned. This
• 25:16
  S5: is what I know. But disciple making brings that application
• 25:21
  S5: piece into high def. And you've got some questions around
• 25:25
  S5: disciple making. Any questions, pitch them to David Nelms 805 7898.
• 25:34
  S5: Call or text 805 557898. Pastors, give David a call
• 25:41
  S5: 805 557898.
• 25:45
  S1: Get to know the team behind the scenes. Follow Carl
• 25:49
  S1: and crew on Facebook and Instagram.
• 25:51
  S5: This is not a reach. We've got a discipleship expert
• 25:54
  S5: with us here today. Doctor David Nelms and I really
• 25:58
  S5: want you to get your questions in here. David is
• 26:01
  S5: watching it happen all around the globe. Now, the the
• 26:04
  S5: circumstances in the situation for a lot of the people
• 26:07
  S5: that he's ministering to. Uh, there's a few advantages, a
• 26:11
  S5: little less technology, a little less distraction, a little less materialism, and, uh,
• 26:18
  S5: a little bit of persecution or a whole lot, I
• 26:20
  S5: should say, which is interesting. We're going to take your
• 26:23
  S5: phone calls, 805 557898 805 557898. David, really quickly, before
• 26:32
  S5: we go to the phone lines here, we're getting a
• 26:34
  S5: call or two in. What would you say with regard
• 26:38
  S5: to persecution or the absence of persecution? I mean, nobody
• 26:44
  S5: wants persecution. In fact, we're called to live at peace
• 26:48
  S5: and pray for peace so that the gospel can go out.
• 26:51
  S5: But the absence of persecution, um, has created a situation
• 26:56
  S5: where a lot of people are in the church that
• 26:57
  S5: aren't even born again to begin with, and you can't
• 26:59
  S5: disciple lost people. So what do we do in a,
• 27:03
  S5: in the West, a pretty persecution free zone to make disciples,
• 27:07
  S5: because that's an added factor here, right, my man?
• 27:11
  S11: Yeah, I think it is. Um, you know, Carl, what
• 27:15
  S11: I think is we've just got to we would say
• 27:18
  S11: there are two essentials for a sustainable disciple making movement,
• 27:23
  S11: the Holy Spirit and the Holy Scriptures. And sometimes I
• 27:27
  S11: think we're not focused on being led by the spirit
• 27:32
  S11: as much as we are. Just the next new strategy
• 27:35
  S11: that comes along. And as far as the scriptures, boy,
• 27:39
  S11: there's just no, there's no, you just you've got to
• 27:42
  S11: teach that Bible.
• 27:44
  S12: Yeah.
• 27:44
  S11: And you've got, I mean, the Bible, it is the
• 27:47
  S11: Bible that builds us up and God uses it to
• 27:50
  S11: change us. And I think there just needs to be
• 27:53
  S11: a fresh, renewed emphasis on both the Holy Spirit and,
• 27:58
  S11: and the Holy Scriptures.
• 27:59
  S2: David Nelms with us right now. I want to jump
• 28:02
  S2: to the phone lines. Jim, thank you for holding on.
• 28:04
  S2: First time caller from Barrington, Illinois. What's your question on
• 28:07
  S2: discipleship for David Nelms?
• 28:09
  S13: Well, I think David just answered the question. Actually, we've
• 28:12
  S13: had a chance to be a part of a number
• 28:14
  S13: of people coming to faith recently. And I, I, we,
• 28:19
  S13: we're always wanting to figure out what are the things
• 28:21
  S13: to plug them into. And I, I just wanted to
• 28:24
  S13: hear from someone that's been doing it a while. Um,
• 28:27
  S13: what are some key things? And I, we know the
• 28:29
  S13: scriptures are important. I also appreciated what he just said
• 28:33
  S13: about paying attention to the Holy Spirit, because ultimately, that's
• 28:37
  S13: really who we're supposed to be listening to. And I
• 28:39
  S13: wanted to just try to be better at making disciples,
• 28:42
  S13: not just converts. And, uh, I'm glad that he said that.
• 28:46
  S13: I just wanted to hear kind of any other key
• 28:47
  S13: things that he's seen over the years.
• 28:50
  S5: Tremendous. That's a great caller, isn't it, David?
• 28:54
  S11: Yeah. And thank you so much, sir. Yeah. When it
• 28:57
  S11: comes to the Holy Spirit, uh, I grew up in
• 29:00
  S11: a church tradition where, uh, I mean, way back in
• 29:04
  S11: the dark ages when, you know, we used to use
• 29:07
  S11: hymnals and we'd sing the hymns and there were, there
• 29:10
  S11: was always four verses in the hymns and we'd sing
• 29:13
  S11: verse one, verse two, and verse four, we'd always skip
• 29:15
  S11: verse three.
• 29:16
  S2: Yes.
• 29:17
  S11: And I never could figure out why we skipped verse three.
• 29:20
  S11: Sometimes verse three was really a very good verse, but
• 29:24
  S11: we would skip verse three for some reason. And I
• 29:27
  S11: think the Holy Spirit is tends to be that way.
• 29:30
  S11: He's there. We we know he's there, but we just
• 29:33
  S11: kind of skip over him. Uh, I speak in churches
• 29:37
  S11: every year on Pentecost Sunday and it's rare that it's
• 29:40
  S11: even mentioned. Yeah. Uh, the I mean, it's like, what,
• 29:45
  S11: what has happened here? And so I don't think, uh,
• 29:50
  S11: I think we've got to, uh, Jesus said, I mean,
• 29:54
  S11: his very last words. Acts one eight, he said, the
• 29:57
  S11: Holy Spirit's going to come. Uh, in order to, to
• 30:00
  S11: help you be my witnesses. And the first step in
• 30:04
  S11: making disciples is, is witnessing evangelism. You can't grow until
• 30:08
  S11: you're born. You've got to be born again from how
• 30:11
  S11: can they call them someone they've not heard of? Somebody's
• 30:14
  S11: got to witness. I mean, Jesus directly connected the dots
• 30:18
  S11: there of the coming of the Holy Spirit with being
• 30:21
  S11: an effective witness. So when you ignore the Holy Spirit, uh, boy,
• 30:27
  S11: that's going to really that's going to really damage your
• 30:30
  S11: disciple making efforts. Uh, Carl, the first prayer I pray
• 30:34
  S11: every day, someone taught me, I pray that the Holy
• 30:37
  S11: Spirit would fill me, take control of me today. And
• 30:41
  S11: then my next prayer is, and I've shared this with
• 30:43
  S11: you before I pray. Somebody taught me, pray for Bob.
• 30:46
  S11: B o be a burden and opportunity and boldness and,
• 30:51
  S11: and that's, that's what we teach our, our people to do.
• 30:56
  S11: The the other thing I would add though, to, to
• 30:59
  S11: that our caller asked for any other suggestions. And that
• 31:03
  S11: would be to, to make sure that you understand discipleship
• 31:07
  S11: is best done in the context of, of, uh, it's
• 31:13
  S11: a relational thing, disciple making. If it's anything, it's relational.
• 31:18
  S11: Jesus did not say, take my course or enroll in
• 31:22
  S11: my class. He said, come follow me. And those disciples,
• 31:27
  S11: Those apostles followed him for three years, and by the
• 31:31
  S11: time Jesus was done with them, the rulers in Jerusalem said,
• 31:35
  S11: these men have been with Jesus. Yeah, I mean, they
• 31:38
  S11: could just tell it. And we're trying to disciple people
• 31:41
  S11: primarily from a pulpit or a classroom lectern. And it's
• 31:47
  S11: not that it can't be done that way, but I
• 31:51
  S11: think but Jesus actually took them under his wing. They
• 31:54
  S11: lived with them. They they spent hours and hours a
• 31:58
  S11: day with him. And, and I would say to your listeners, uh,
• 32:03
  S11: find a handful of people in your church. It doesn't
• 32:06
  S11: need to be a lot. Jesus preached to thousands, but
• 32:09
  S11: he focused on 12. Just find a handful and really
• 32:12
  S11: pour into them. Uh, Paul put it that way. In
• 32:16
  S11: second Timothy two two, he told Timothy to train faithful men.
• 32:21
  S11: Not not every stray dog that wanders wanders in, but
• 32:25
  S11: faithful people. That's who you want to focus on.
• 32:28
  S2: Doctor David Nelms, founder of the Timothy Initiative you you
• 32:32
  S2: touched on this, but I'm going to ask you to
• 32:34
  S2: expound on it a little bit. Should discipleship be a
• 32:38
  S2: more formalized or organic. Because I give a scenario. So
• 32:43
  S2: there are plenty of people who may go up to
• 32:46
  S2: someone who's a little bit older in church and say, hey,
• 32:49
  S2: can we go out to coffee so I can ask
• 32:51
  S2: you some questions? You know, maybe pick your brain a
• 32:53
  S2: little bit versus, hello, would you be willing to disciple me?
• 32:57
  S2: One seems approachable and hey, yeah, let's go out for coffee.
• 33:01
  S2: The other one feels all of a sudden this a
• 33:05
  S2: little bit of pressure, maybe self-imposed, but should it always
• 33:08
  S2: be formalized? Should we state up front this is a
• 33:11
  S2: discipleship relationship or let it happen more organically?
• 33:15
  S11: Well, I think it's both. And, uh, on the formal side, I,
• 33:20
  S11: we have, I think it's 14 books. We use probably
• 33:23
  S11: some 3000 pages that we've developed. And and I'm certainly
• 33:27
  S11: not opposed to that. But but definitely there's got to
• 33:31
  S11: be that organic. See, I, we teach our Timothys or
• 33:35
  S11: our Pauls, rather the Paul's trained the Timothys. We teach
• 33:38
  S11: them that the, the, uh, yes, there's classes. Yes, there's
• 33:42
  S11: stuff to learn. But but the primary discipleship disciple making
• 33:47
  S11: comes outside of the classroom. It's, it's, it's life on life. It's,
• 33:53
  S11: it's if, if you're going to go to the hospital
• 33:56
  S11: to visit someone, take your Timothy with you. Let them
• 34:00
  S11: see what you do, how you do it and what we,
• 34:04
  S11: we follow that old circle model of come watch me,
• 34:08
  S11: then come help me. Then at some point I'll help you.
• 34:12
  S11: Then at some point I'll watch you. And now you're
• 34:15
  S11: ready to go do the same thing with someone else.
• 34:18
  S11: So I think it's, it's both. And, uh, there's a
• 34:21
  S11: time and place for the, the book learning, if you will. But, boy, nothing,
• 34:26
  S11: nothing takes the place of just doing life with people.
• 34:30
  S5: A couple of thoughts. David Nelms, our guest, by the way,
• 34:32
  S5: we might have time to get in a question or two. 805, 55, 78, 98, 805, five, five, 78, 98. Um,
• 34:43
  S5: I think, um, this is powerful. When I opened up Alli, uh,
• 34:48
  S5: David's book, Disciples Making Disciples, this is 11 level one.
• 34:53
  S5: And I opened it up. I was utterly shocked and
• 34:56
  S5: thrilled at the same time. Your first lesson is the
• 35:00
  S5: Holy Spirit filled life. You call it the spirit filled life,
• 35:04
  S5: but it's the Holy Spirit filled life. My contention, because
• 35:08
  S5: you also say that without obedience, we don't make disciples.
• 35:13
  S5: But my concern is without proper teaching and just simple
• 35:18
  S5: exposition of John 14, John 15, John 16 and then
• 35:23
  S5: Romans eight. Probably we we put too much of the
• 35:29
  S5: onus on people rather than hearing the voice of the
• 35:34
  S5: Spirit of God who will convict and direct and even comfort. David.
• 35:40
  S5: How how do we reclaim the spirit filled life? You
• 35:43
  S5: put it front and center for all your brand new,
• 35:46
  S5: transformed believers.
• 35:49
  S11: Well, and not only is the the spirit, the Holy
• 35:52
  S11: Spirit filled life, chapter one, but chapter two is how
• 35:55
  S11: to share your story in chapter three is how to
• 35:57
  S11: share God's story. We believe when the spirit is controlling you,
• 36:01
  S11: that you can't help but tell people about Jesus. Uh,
• 36:05
  S11: most discipling that I've seen over the years or books,
• 36:08
  S11: at least there's evangelism in there. But if there's ten chapters,
• 36:12
  S11: it's usually chapter seven or 8 or 9. I mean,
• 36:15
  S11: it's kind of tucked in at the very end. I believe,
• 36:18
  S11: you know, Carl, you and I both preached it for years.
• 36:21
  S11: The only thing you can do better on earth than
• 36:23
  S11: in heaven is talk to lost people about Jesus. Uh,
• 36:27
  S11: that's why we're here. We're here to point people to
• 36:31
  S11: the Savior. And. And the best way to do that
• 36:35
  S11: is to surrender your life to the Holy Spirit. And
• 36:38
  S11: then to get up off your knees and begin obeying him.
• 36:42
  S11: I think I think one thing I would add in
• 36:44
  S11: there is, is, you know, we're real big on what's
• 36:47
  S11: called obedience based discipleship. And I think that goes back
• 36:51
  S11: to your earlier question. What's wrong? We somehow we've gotten
• 36:55
  S11: our minds as Americans that this that discipling is learning
• 36:59
  S11: it's knowledge. It's learning the word of God. It's being
• 37:02
  S11: able to quote verses and, and outline passages and, and, uh,
• 37:07
  S11: explain what the Bible says. But Jesus said, if you
• 37:11
  S11: love me, you'll keep my commandments. You'll obey me. And
• 37:14
  S11: we believe that if you hear the word, but do
• 37:17
  S11: not put it into practice, you have deceived yourself. So
• 37:21
  S11: what we stress to to people is yes, be filled
• 37:24
  S11: with the Holy Spirit. But as the Holy Spirit leads you,
• 37:26
  S11: get up and obey him. Get up and actually do
• 37:29
  S11: what he what what he's led you to do. And
• 37:31
  S11: of course, he's not going to lead you contrary to
• 37:33
  S11: the scriptures. That's why you need the scriptures, but actually
• 37:36
  S11: obey him. And then how do you know they're obeying him? Well,
• 37:39
  S11: there has to be accountability. And that's the missing piece,
• 37:43
  S11: in my opinion, in the way we disciple here in
• 37:46
  S11: the States. We we teach really good, we teach really
• 37:49
  S11: good stuff. And we, we kind of cross our fingers
• 37:53
  S11: and hope they're going to go home and do it,
• 37:55
  S11: but a lot don't. And so there has to be that,
• 37:59
  S11: that accountability, obedience based discipleship with accountability. And you mix
• 38:04
  S11: that with with the Holy Spirit of Almighty God controlling you.
• 38:09
  S11: My goodness, it's hard to beat that.
• 38:13
  S5: We got a text question that came in here. Ali,
• 38:15
  S5: do you see that one?
• 38:16
  S2: Yeah, this one is from an anonymous texter. They said,
• 38:19
  S2: how do you combat the legalism and judgementalism that seem
• 38:23
  S2: to so often accompany Bible focused people, churches. They said
• 38:27
  S2: this has turned off. Many in my world don't know
• 38:30
  S2: any background, but I'm going to assume the absolute best
• 38:32
  S2: intent here and a sincere desire to say, how do
• 38:36
  S2: we push back?
• 38:39
  S11: Well, you know, the goal, I think, in disciple making
• 38:44
  S11: is to be like Jesus. You know, the Antioch believers
• 38:47
  S11: were called Christians, Christ's people. And boy, if Jesus was anything,
• 38:52
  S11: he was humble. Uh, pride to me is an elitist, arrogant, uh,
• 38:59
  S11: prideful attitude to me is anything but. Uh, uh, evidence
• 39:05
  S11: is anything but a close relationship to Jesus Christ. I
• 39:08
  S11: think when you're under the control of the Holy Spirit. Uh,
• 39:12
  S11: that should take care of that. Again, I think we
• 39:14
  S11: equate sometimes in our churches biblical knowledge with being a
• 39:21
  S11: strong disciple. Satan was an angel is an angel of light.
• 39:25
  S11: And I think if I think if you could go
• 39:28
  S11: back to first century A.D. and put the Pharisees on
• 39:31
  S11: one side and the apostles on the other side. My
• 39:34
  S11: guess is those Pharisees get caught a whole lot more
• 39:37
  S11: scripture than the apostles. That'd be my guess. Okay, but
• 39:41
  S11: but it was all in the head. It was all knowledge.
• 39:44
  S11: And when you're when the Holy Spirit is controlling you
• 39:47
  S11: and the Scripture, listen, every time Jesus opened his mouth,
• 39:50
  S11: scripture popped out. I mean, he was just constantly quoting he,
• 39:54
  S11: he was he, he was consumed with the scriptures. And
• 40:00
  S11: when we're consumed with the scriptures and the Holy Spirit
• 40:03
  S11: is controlling us, we yielded to him. Uh, there's no
• 40:07
  S11: place or room for pride, arrogance, elitism, uh, legalism. Uh,
• 40:13
  S11: there's going to be a humble, uh, Kindness that you
• 40:19
  S11: that you will see.
• 40:20
  S12: Yeah.
• 40:21
  S5: Love this. David Nelms, our guest. And this is amazing,
• 40:26
  S5: amazing work that he's doing through the Timothy initiative. And
• 40:31
  S5: you can find a portal here. We're going to give
• 40:33
  S5: you a key word, but boom crew, this fighting a
• 40:39
  S5: information based rather than a transformation based kind of an
• 40:43
  S5: approach to Christianity is a worthy effort. And you don't
• 40:47
  S5: even do that in bitterness or judgmentalness, but in humility.
• 40:53
  S5: Offer that up and work with that sphere of influence
• 40:55
  S5: that you have around you. Uh, walk with them. Reveal
• 40:59
  S5: to them the power of the Holy Spirit to apply truth.
• 41:03
  S5: Great link we have here. Ali.
• 41:05
  S2: Yeah, just text disciple to 805 557898. Just text disciple.
• 41:11
  S2: You'll learn more about the Timothy initiative. Just text disciple
• 41:14
  S2: to 805 5578, 98.