Latest / Constellations and all that... / 36. What Is the Vanishing Twin and Why Does It Still Hurt?

Transcript

36. What Is the Vanishing Twin and Why Does It Still Hurt? · Constellations and all that...

• 0:00
  Kiona and welcome to Constellations and all that.
• 0:03
  I'm your host, Tracy Cartwright, and together we will be exploring the world of family constellations with facilitators for and clients from around the world, looking at different perspectives and experiences in the work, having a cup of tea, and just chatting with some friends around their experiences in constellations.
• 0:23
  We'd love for you to join us.
• 0:25
  I hope that you enjoy this series as much as I have loved making it.
• 0:33
  Kia, everyone, welcome to Constellations and all that today.
• 0:38
  Share with you a little bit about the Vanish twin.
• 0:41
  The vanishing twin.
• 0:43
  And this is a story that is often hidden within many of us.
• 0:47
  Maybe you've never heard of it, or maybe it's living quietly in your body, feeling it in your emotions and your soul has the memory of this, but can't quite put the, haven't quite put it all together.
• 0:59
  And maybe you haven't actually heard of the term vanishing twins, so just being, really getting nudged to share this.
• 1:07
  So the, the vanishing twin is a phenomenon.
• 1:10
  Which one twin or multiple fetuses are in a pregnancy and they're reabsorbed either into the mother's body, into the placenta, or into the surviving fetus.
• 1:23
  So sometimes the mother can have a bleed.
• 1:26
  In their first trimester.
• 1:28
  In, in the early stages, often you hear of mums that have to go on bed rest, or they think that they've lost their pregnancy and they discover that they're still pregnant.
• 1:38
  So that can be the cells leaving and other times the cells go into the placenta.
• 1:44
  So then they are nourishing the twin that's in there, or the twin that's in there, the surviving twin.
• 1:51
  Um, actually reabsorbs.
• 1:54
  The, the cells of the vanished twin, and this can go on and never be detected, but there are lots of different signs and we notice them in constellations and it's becoming more and more known about and more, uh, detectable now that there are, you know, the high tech and all the scans and they're able to look at things much earlier on in pregnancies nowadays.
• 2:19
  Why does it matter?
• 2:20
  Why am I sharing this with you today?
• 2:22
  Even though the loss is early and it's often invisible, the impact may linger not just in the body, but in the emotional and the soul layer of the surviving twin.
• 2:33
  So in family Constellation work, we often see the imprint of the vanished twin show up as a deep.
• 2:40
  Unexplained guilt or grief.
• 2:43
  So just feeling these as I'm sharing them maybe.
• 2:47
  Um, yeah, if you're driving a cast, obviously it's taken, concentrate on the road, but just feel this in your body as I'm sharing this.
• 2:55
  So a deep unexplained grief or guilt, a feeling that something or someone is missing, feeling lost.
• 3:03
  Struggling with a sense of purpose, and there may be emotional patterns like perfectionism, people pleasing or self-sabotage.
• 3:12
  Maybe there's a lifelong sense of not quite feeling whole.
• 3:17
  There could be challenges in forming close bonds.
• 3:20
  Struggling with intimacy may exhibit behaviors such as living for two, taking excessive responsibility.
• 3:29
  Just notice in your body at this point.
• 3:32
  There's also a persistent sense that someone is missing.
• 3:37
  So we're going into this again, into a deeper level.
• 3:40
  Feeling alone, even when you're surrounded by others.
• 3:43
  Maybe you had a childhood imaginary friend who you felt was deeply real or an unexplained sadness.
• 3:50
  The survivor's guilt, the difficulty in receiving love, sabotaging happiness, relationships, or success, a tendency to merge with others and the codependency.
• 4:03
  Is there a strong fascination with twins, the womb or pre-birth experiences?
• 4:09
  Maybe you dream or have images of siblings or, or a presence of someone that's beside you.
• 4:17
  Is there a fear of taking up space, shining and fully claiming your life?
• 4:23
  Sometimes people even have been known to like buy two of everything, or three, depending on how many are missing.
• 4:31
  But not knowing why, but just having to do it, having to buy two of everything.
• 4:35
  So just noticing when I was sharing that, how that feels for you in your body, in your mind.
• 4:43
  Maybe just in your awareness of some people might experience goosebumps and others might have some pennies dropping in here, but also remembering that these, um, signs or that are showing up can also be from other things.
• 4:57
  That's why we do constellation so that we can see this.
• 5:00
  It's like, um, illnesses, right?
• 5:02
  You can have lots of symptoms that are similar to many different things.
• 5:07
  So in an ultrasound, um, it might show up that there's two embryos and then there's only one obviously, um, HCG levels and they get a lot higher, and then maybe they suddenly drop.
• 5:21
  This is before a scan.
• 5:23
  In the first trimester, there could be the cramping and bleeding.
• 5:27
  There could be umbilical cord abnormalities.
• 5:30
  And sometimes when people are born, um, they find a second sack at birth.
• 5:35
  I've heard of that many times.
• 5:37
  And in rare cases, uh, maybe a tiny calcified twin.
• 5:43
  Some people feel the heightened body sensitivity.
• 5:47
  Left and right imbalances or phantom body awarenesses.
• 5:51
  It's even said that, um, there's a really high percentage of twins that are left-handed and.
• 5:59
  Some of the literature that I've read around the vanishing twin points to that, often the left-handedness.
• 6:05
  And also the other thing is birthmarks.
• 6:08
  There can be, um, unusual birthmarks, which are often pointing towards a vanished twin as well.
• 6:14
  Another thing that can happen is when the surviving twin, when they're little, when they're an infant, they're often reaching out.
• 6:21
  They're trying to find that energetic body that was meant to come through with them.
• 6:26
  There's been this soul level agreement to come into this world together, but only one comes through so they can lead to depression and anxiety.
• 6:37
  So how does the body and soul remember?
• 6:40
  The womb is the first home, and if we shared it even briefly, the connection is felt and imprinted even if the mind can't recall it.
• 6:50
  We have that feeling.
• 6:51
  We just, and we have that knowing, and in the knowing field of constellations, a vanished twin may, may show up as an invisible presence.
• 7:00
  Beside the client or that difficulty in fully grounding in being here, being present, being fully in your body, repetitive patterns of loss or following the twin through illness, addiction and depression, and unconscious loyalty to someone who has never spoken of healing this imprint well, how does that help?
• 7:22
  How do we heal something that was.
• 7:24
  Never named.
• 7:25
  The mother might not even know.
• 7:27
  So, uh, I have experienced in the family constellations when it shows up and sometimes they'll say, oh yeah, my mother always thought she was pregnant with twins.
• 7:39
  Or, yeah, she was convinced she was having two, but only one came out.
• 7:43
  Or the doctors told me, my mum, that she was having two and then there was only one.
• 7:48
  Here are some ways for the soul to honor.
• 7:52
  To honor the vanished twin.
• 7:55
  So for a start acknowledging the twin, even if they've never been seen, obviously they're felt.
• 8:02
  So we feel it in our hearts.
• 8:04
  Just invite you to say, imagine this mirror version of yourself and maybe feel under that.
• 8:11
  Uh, is this twin a male or a female?
• 8:13
  Do they look just like you and say you were there and I remember you.
• 8:19
  Give you a place in my heart and also maybe they have a name.
• 8:24
  I see that with children that have been, um, that are missing in family systems often they've already named themselves then.
• 8:31
  So feel into it.
• 8:32
  See what name comes through.
• 8:34
  Say you are my twin and I carry you in love.
• 8:37
  Even though I'm the one who lived, I live, I choose, I choose life, and I live in honor of you.
• 8:44
  So yeah, create a little ritual, light a candle, write a letter, make some space for their, their spirit in your family system.
• 8:52
  And if you're feeling that that's difficult and you need a little bit of help, you can always come and see me or find a facilitator.
• 8:59
  Reach out if you need to know one that's near you, if you want to have that, um, in, in-person experience.
• 9:04
  'cause it's quite a very special thing to have that moment where you are able to do some form of ritual around.
• 9:12
  Acknowledging feeling that twin in this space.
• 9:15
  With constellations, we get the opportunity to feel these things as well in a different way, bringing it through and embodying it.
• 9:23
  So people who carry the the imprint of a vanished twin often hold very unique gifts and they can be very deeply empathetic and.
• 9:34
  Intuitive.
• 9:35
  They held a really strong connection to the spirit world.
• 9:38
  They may be called to be healers, guides, or space holders.
• 9:42
  Many more things too.
• 9:43
  Visionaries, dreamers, they're a soul that remembers things that the body has long forgotten.
• 9:49
  So when the wound is honored, the gifts begin to shine.
• 9:53
  Feel that for a moment.
• 9:54
  Just take that in.
• 9:55
  What would it be like if this is resonating for you?
• 10:00
  The vanished twin syndrome Now.
• 10:03
  Before I close off here, I just wanna share a couple of things that I found when I was researching this.
• 10:09
  There's a couple of, um, articles and there was one about a guy and in 2015, he and his wife were going for fertility treatment and the DNA in his sperm turned out to only be 90% of his, and the other 10% were that of his unborn or vanished fraternal.
• 10:31
  Twin.
• 10:31
  So while he and his twin shared the womb and he absorbed some of his twin cells, a blend of himself and his brother.
• 10:38
  Interesting.
• 10:38
  I wonder how many, how often that happens when, um, 90% DNA.
• 10:45
  Interesting.
• 10:46
  And then there was a woman in England who had a golf size ball lump on the back, on her lower back, and then just below that, near her tailbone, she had a smaller lump and these lumps were both connected.
• 10:58
  And then when she was about 17 that she had it removed, the doctors all just said, oh yeah, it was fine.
• 11:03
  Everyth think everything was fine, you know, no need to worry.
• 11:06
  And then later on she became a nurse.
• 11:09
  And all the medical records were going online.
• 11:12
  So she looked up her own medical records and she discovered that it was a dermoid cyst and it had fingernails, hair, and teeth in it.
• 11:22
  So yeah, imagine that.
• 11:23
  Those wonder what's happening with those lumps under your skin.
• 11:26
  If you've got one, maybe you wanna get it checked out.
• 11:29
  I've heard of people having like two sets of nipples, few extra vertebraes in their spine and others where there are, yeah, other tissue vanishing.
• 11:40
  Twin syndrome is a reminder of how sensitive and sacred early life is.
• 11:45
  You never know for sure if you've had a twin, but if this speaks to something in you, just let yourself listen.
• 11:52
  Not to diagnose or to label, but to bring a gentle healing awareness to your own life story.
• 11:59
  Because whether seen or unseen, every soul belongs every life.
• 12:04
  No matter how brief matters and it's time to truly take your place in the world.
• 12:10
  Thank you for taking the time to listen to this.
• 12:13
  I hope that for those who needed to hear this, it may have dropped some insight in for you.
• 12:19
  There's plenty of information out there, and if you'd need a little bit of support, just reach out.
• 12:25
  Thank you for listening.
• 12:26
  Head over to Instagram and tell me what's resonated for you with this episode.
• 12:31
  You'll find me at Tracy dot Cartwright.
• 12:34
  That's Tracy with no e dot Cartwright and the or head over to my website, Tracy cartwright.co.nz and receive a free audio with the gift from your ancestors.
• 12:47
  So until next time, be kind to yourself and have fun doing it.