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Knitting as a security blanket with LJ of Rusty Ferret Yarn · Why I Knit

0:04
Mia Hobbs: Hello, and welcome to the Why I Knit podcast. My name
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is Dr. Mia Hobbs and I'm a clinical psychologist who's
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passionate about knitting and its benefits for our mental well
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being. Each week I interview a different knitter about why they
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knit and how it benefits their mental health. This week on the
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podcast I'm talking to LJ who is a yarn Dyer who owns rusty
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ferret yard. Hi, LJ, welcome to the podcast.
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LJ: Hi, Mia. How are you doing?
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Mia Hobbs: Yeah, I'm good. Thank you. I always start by asking
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where your story with knitting began. So I'd be really
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interested to hear where yours started.
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LJ: I suppose really, my grandma was a beginner. And she tried to
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teach me. But she always got really annoyed with me. So she
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never really properly taught me. But she was always knitting,
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around me. It wasn't until I went to university. And I don't
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know if I like blocked out these memories or whatever. But I just
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remember picking up the knitting. And when I was really
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struggling mentally, it was mentally. And I needed something
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to do with my hands. I thought oh knitting looks cool. And at
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the time, Pinterest wasn't really a thing, but like Tumblr,
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and that and there was a lot of really cool little, little
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things. I could do that. So kind of picked up then and ever
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since. It's kind of been my, I suppose coping mechanism for
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just being in the world. Like a security blanket. So yeah, that
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was kind of what it started. And it's just escalated from there.
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Really? Yeah.
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Mia Hobbs: So you think it was Do you think maybe your
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grandma's seeing her knitting had kind of planted the seed
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that you had a concept of That could be something you did when
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you felt like you needed to do something with your hands?
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LJ: Yeah, I just my family is all quite creative with the
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hands. My mum's my mum's was a chef and my dad's an
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electrician, but he tinkered with everything. So we were
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always kind of promoted that we are encouraged to use our hands.
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And yeah, so we were always encouraged to do stuff like
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that. And I, I don't know why none. I honestly don't know. I
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don't know if it was the sway of the internet. Or if it was, like
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some deeper memory of like, oh, yeah, I kinda know how to do
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that. Because my gran kinda showed me I honestly don't know.
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Mia Hobbs: It's interesting that you had this idea that you felt
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like you were struggling mentally, and you felt doing
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something with your hands might help. I think sometimes people
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fall into it by accident. And then they realised doing
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something with my hands helps. And I think yeah, totally. That
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was true for me. I don't think I ever did it at the beginning
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intentionally, but I really noticed it did help.
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LJ: Yeah, that's weird. Isn't that I've never thought about it
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like that. Um, I think I was struggling to focus in lectures
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as well. So I found that phones weren't what phones are now.
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Mia Hobbs: Do you think it helped a bit to focus in
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lectures knitting? Yeah. You were struggling to focus in
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lectures?
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Unknown: Yeah, I was struggling to focus in lectures, I was also
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struggling to like, like, now, what I know is anxiety to
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actually go to uni. So it kind of gives me something to focus
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on. And kind of looking back, I feel that I've got this thing
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with people looking at me and judging me. And I thought, well,
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if I'm doing something my hands or like, if I'm knitting in
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that. Well, they will be looking at me, but not because of bad
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reasons. Because I'm knitting. Yeah. So
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Mia Hobbs: yeah, so it was a different focus, maybe a focus
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for you, and also a focus for other people.
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LJ: Yeah, I think so.
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Mia Hobbs: Yeah, that's really interesting. And I think it in a
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way it also, I find it, it's a kind of focal point. So you
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don't have to give eye contact necessarily to people. You can
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be busy doing a thing, but also still listening. So if you're
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getting in lectures,
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LJ: yeah, I was. Yeah. I mean, for a while I was playing my
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Nintendo DS time. But yeah, I was knitting in lectures. And I
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don't know when you did your degree, but the psychology
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degree that I did, there was like, 400 people. I mean, there
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was smaller. As time went on, there was smaller, like
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tutorials and stuff, but like were main lectures, there was a
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lot of people there nobody, like the lecturers didn't see you, or
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I don't think at that time, I would have been comfortable in
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myself to be like, Yeah, but it's keeping me focused. I don't
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think I would have stood up for myself.
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Mia Hobbs: Yeah.
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LJ: At that point, I would now. And when I went on, when I went
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on to do my second degree, it was a creative degree. So that
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was fine. Nobody really cared as long as I was there.
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Mia Hobbs: Yeah. Okay, so you knitted and people saw and that
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was fine. Yeah. Yeah. And was there more other people doing
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similar things in a creative degree or not necessarily?
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LJ: I'm not really. So I went and did. So I finished my uni,
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and was kind of a bit lost. So I ended up at this point, I was
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doing loads of kind of crafts, like sewing and things. And one
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of my friends was like, why don't you apply to do your NQ,
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in textiles at the college local college, and you get paid for
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your year and, whatever? And say, oh, that sounds? Yeah,
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let's find out. Let's try that. So did that I really loved it. I
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really, really loved it. But I was like, 22, in a class full of
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16 year olds. Okay. So I was the kind of weird one. Once I did
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the NQ, I did my HSC HND in textile art. A lot of people
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like enjoyed different creative hobbies, like, like photography,
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or sewing or drawing and things. I think I was the only one that
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really did, like, traditional handicraft, like in the crochet
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in that. But we were all I don't know. It was such a nice space
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to be in you were kind of accepted for who you are. So
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nobody, nobody judged. You see, I'm always concerned about being
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judged as really bad.
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Mia Hobbs: I think we all are probably at some level. So it
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sounds like it felt more accepting there.
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LJ: definitely
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Mia Hobbs: It was fine to be the only one who did it. Yeah, do it
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in lectures to help you focus. Without anyone thinking that was
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unusual.
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LJ: No. I mean, it was kind of encouraged when I was at
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college, because, you know, it was you were trying things and
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it was always encouraged to be trying to creative things, but
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uni, I mean, again, you'll understand, it's all about
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you've got loads of reading to do so there's not really the
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time.
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Mia Hobbs: I wonder whether it's different now whether, you know,
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knitting or the idea of doing something with your hands to
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help you focus is more feels more normalised or kind of
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acceptable now that we all kind of realised actually humans are
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not meant to sit for hours on end, and just listen without
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doing anything. I know, that I struggle with that
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LJ: It's it's hard to sit and focus and just sit and focus, I
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think. I suppose that's why a lot of people doodle and yeah,
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Tinker about and things. I know, like, now being in the knitting
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industry. Yeah, in the UK, I know a lot of other knitters in
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that, that knit in meetings and things. And it's mostly seen as
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very acceptable. So that's a good thing.
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Mia Hobbs: I wonder whether zoom has like the pandemic has
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inadvertently helped that a bit. I certainly have felt more
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comfortable. Being in a training day and just openly knitting
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while I'm doing that on Zoom, then maybe I would have done to
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do it in person, where it was quite unknown what reaction I
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might get, even though 100% Feel it would help me focus to do a
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simple knitting thing in the background at the same time as
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listening to something. Yeah, I think you're right, it takes a
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certain amount of confidence in yourself to be able to say this
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does help me focus.
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LJ: Yeah, exactly. It's fine. I am paying attention to you, I
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don't need to pay attention to the knitting. It's good.
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Mia Hobbs: Yeah. And in terms of why you still knit now, I don't
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know how much you tried the other hobbies and how much you
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still do the other crafts or whether they knitting has kind
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of dominated for you.
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LJ: Knitting has definitely dominated my craft, but I still
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sew and spin and work in sketchbooks and and and I'll do
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anything, I'll try any craft and I can sit with my knitting at
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nighttime, or I take it places like that's my kind of calm. But
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like sometimes I'll get the urge to go into something or I want
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to make something specific. And I'm like, Well, I'm going to
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felt that or I'm going to Yeah,
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Mia Hobbs: did you think knitting is the main one you
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associate with being helpful from a kind of mental health
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mental well being kind of perspective. You said you
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associate that with calm.
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LJ: Yeah, I, I honestly don't know why knitting. I do crochet
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as well. But it's always the knitting that I come back to
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always always, I mean, going back to kind of the comfort
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blanket type thing, people out somewhere in public in that it's
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so easy to take a wee project, like a wee sock or a glove or. I
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mean, I've taken big projects with me too. I'm not gonna lie.
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I will be that awkward one with like three bags going about. You
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can just take out and just sit you can focus without really
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focusing. So if you're uncomfortable, you can kind of
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retreat back into it. But if you're not you can engage with
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what's going on. Um, but yeah, I don't know why knitting. I
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really don't know why.
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Mia Hobbs: So it sounds like something is really important
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for you that it's portable. so that you could take it out as
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their like safety blanket with you out into the world that
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sounds like that's important. And then obviously, presumably
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spinning and sewing maybe it's a bit more difficult to bring it
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with you, I guess depends on what kind of sewing it is. Yeah.
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I mean, there is an idea about in terms of thinking about
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knitting versus crochet that there's something particularly
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about the repetitive bilateral movements so that you're
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crossing the midline. I don't know, it depends how you knit
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actually, but because only some types of knitters cross the
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middle of their body, but there is an idea that, like some
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trauma therapy, like EMDR, I don't know whether you've heard
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of that. No, but it's a type of trauma therapy, where you read
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process trauma as you talk about a traumatic memory. And you do
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repetitive movements that cross the midline of the body. So that
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might be your eye movements, or it could be tapping like this,
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like with your arms crossed on your chest, and that that helps
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you to reprocess trauma. So there is a theory. So Betsan
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Corkhill has done quite a lot of research into the therapeutic
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benefits of knitting, that it's because it's a bilateral
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movement, it's a movement that kind of crosses centre of your
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body. So I mean, that's one theory, I suppose. But I guess
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everybody's different. It might not be specifically that for
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you.
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LJ: Yeah, I mean, it's, it's hard as a me, I suppose I have a
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bit of a psychology background, but not nothing massive. But I
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always find like to go into counselling and not that. It's
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not until you start speaking to somebody that you're like, oh,
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yeah, that. That makes sense. That's, that's why I do that, or
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that's why that conference me a bit. So yeah. It would be
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difficult without actually like looking into it and going
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through it. But
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Mia Hobbs: part of why I'm having these conversations is to
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hear from knitters like what is therapeutic about knitting for
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lots of people, because I think lots of us think it keeps us
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sane, or it really helps us or, you know, in different ways, and
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it won't be the same for all of us. But I guess that's one of
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the theories is about the repetitive movements in the
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particular action of them.
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LJ: I mean, I would agree with you, I I'm definitely a process.
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No, I mean, I enjoy the end object. But it's definitely more
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about the doing than than the end thing. Yeah, I mean, the
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movie you something about, like the kind of rhythm of it. And
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it's just like, I suppose, I suppose it holds my attention as
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well enough to stop, or this is going to sound wild, but it
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stops that kind of brain noise. Yeah. Yeah. Especially if you've
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got like a complicated pattern, you can, like there's enough
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focus there to not let the intrusive thoughts come in. And
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you can kind of get into the rhythm and, and it kind of leads
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on to you feeling a lot better in that moment. So yeah, I mean,
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so it's actually
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Mia Hobbs: a bit of like, the knitting pattern has to be
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complicated enough to use enough of your brain power ought to
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focus it on that in the hearing now and not to let it freelance
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over, you know, and look for things to be worried about, or
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Yeah, yeah. ruminative loops to get trapped in.
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LJ: I tend to go for I'm not, I don't like pain socks. Okay.
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Yeah. They're not my favourite. I, they're too plain. Okay.
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Yeah. I mean, I will knit a sock. But I find them to plain.
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And I will do like a lacy kind of sock or something
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interesting. And that's funny how you say about having a
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pattern that's just complicated. I've never thought about that
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before. But you're right. I do tend to go for patterns, I've
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got something I have to focus on, but not too much that I
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can't take out and about with me or watch the TV or do other
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things with
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Mia Hobbs: I would have multiple on the go at once. I'd have a
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take everywhere, easy sock or a hat or something and then a more
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complicated one that when I need to deliberately turn off the
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noise in my brain and focus on the knitting.
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LJ: I mean, we've all got several projects on the go.
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nothing to be ashamed about.
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Mia Hobbs: No, but I think I deliberately strategize in terms
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of process a bit like you like that it's about the product what
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I'm going to be doing when I'm doing it rather than the end
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result necessarily. Yeah, totally.
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LJ: And also, I mean, I don't know about you, but that actual
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process leading up to the knitting like picking your yarn,
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picking your pattern winding your yarn, picking your needles
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that. Yeah, I enjoy that part of the process as well.
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Mia Hobbs: And is there anything about that that's therapeutic. I
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suppose I'm interested in like, are there certain I don't know
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stitch patterns you gravitate towards are there times when you
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feel like you want to be I don't know spending time with certain
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colours. Obviously you're a yarn Dyer as well. So I'm sure colour
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is a big thing for you. I don't know. Well, is there anything
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therapeutic about all that stuff.
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LJ: I'm more about the feel of things. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I do
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enjoy colour. But I more gravitate towards the feel of
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the yarn. Am I like really kind of? I am one of those snowflakes
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that likes the soft yarn something with a bit of interest
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and texture to it, I like the feeling when it goes through my
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hands. I'm so glad I'm speaking to a psychologist right now and
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not some random person.
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Mia Hobbs: This is exactly what I'm interested in, because all
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the things that I've been thinking about in my own head
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and wondering like, is it you know, are there certain times
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you need to be sitting there with some mohair in your hands
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or you need to be sitting there with, you know, that part of
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that is the tactile experience of Yeah, like it is literally
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like a physical comfort blanket, but in your hands, and you're
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doing something with it.
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LJ: Yeah, no, definitely. I completely agree with that. And
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Mia Hobbs: so anything is soft and have some interesting
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texture.
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LJ: Yeah, yeah. And I also, when I'm knitting, I enjoy like, a
16:01
nice stitch pattern. Yeah. I can work
16:05
Mia Hobbs: what for you is a nice stitch pattern.
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LJ: Do you know I enjoy a cable? Yeah, I enjoy something that I
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don't know what the word for it is. I do enjoy some lace, but
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not like a traditional like Shetland lace.
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Mia Hobbs: Interesting. So is it I quite like a stitch pattern
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that I can remember for round. So it might have like six or
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eight processes, but I can either read them in the
16:30
knitting. So I don't have to look back at the pattern all the
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time. Or I can remember it for that row or round and then learn
16:37
a new one for the next one. I don't know whether you're
16:40
similar or so I don't know that I would love a lace pattern. I
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had to look at the pattern constantly that every stitch,
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for example. No,
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LJ: no, I completely agree with that's kind of where my head was
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going.
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Mia Hobbs: Yeah, I don't know enough about Shetland lace to
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know what that means. Exactly. Is it complicated?
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LJ: July it's probably not I haven't done any Shetland lace
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knitting. But I was kind of meaning the, you know, the big
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white baby blanket. Shetlandy Lace, I think I think it's more
17:11
about the thickness of the yarn than the pattern I could be
17:15
wrong and I will have complaints. But yeah, just I'd
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like something that looks good. And as you say something that's
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easy to kind of memorise but not too easy. Just enough to, like
17:34
when you're sitting knitting every round, or like garter
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stitch. It's, I find that very, it's maybe too. It's maybe too
17:44
easy. Yeah. Whereas if you kind of throw in like a lace chart or
17:48
something, I find that quite nice colourwork's also really
17:51
good for kind of keeping you going, I suppose. Yeah.
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Mia Hobbs: So it sounds like this zone, where knitting could
17:59
be too easy. And then it's not doing enough of the work of
18:01
helping your brain switch off from stressful thing. Yeah, it
18:05
could be too hard that it feels I don't know, a bit tedious and
18:08
annoying. And there's a zone in the middle, where it's the right
18:12
level of challenge that it can occupy your brain enough to give
18:15
you a bit of a rest from rumination, let's say and not
18:19
challenge you too much that it puts you off.
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LJ: Yeah. I mean, I do like a really challenging pattern. I
18:25
do. But that is once in a while. And I complain the whole time.
18:33
Just like why did why did I choose this one? Oh, I just did
18:38
a big brioche shawl it's the blooming brioche by Xandy
18:43
Peters. And oh, my goodness, or just, I don't know why I did
18:48
that to myself. It's beautiful. And I'm really pleased with how
18:52
it turned out. But I was looking at that chart every single roll.
18:57
Yeah.
18:58
Mia Hobbs: Yeah. So challenge. I haven't ventured into brioche,
19:01
actually, that's on my list of something I want to do, but I
19:04
haven't yet.
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LJ: You should give it a go. It's definitely something that
19:09
you need to stick at. Because it does. It's not. It's not
19:12
intuitive to start with. I didn't find but once you get it,
19:16
you're like, ah, that makes sense.
19:19
Mia Hobbs: Okay, and this sense of achievement of doing Yeah,
19:22
LJ: totally. Oh, I can't do that. That. That's I'm good. I
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can do things.
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Mia Hobbs: Do you think that's something knitting gives you
19:28
like the sense of achievement because Oh, definitely helpful
19:31
with you know, all of our kind of mental well being is getting
19:33
that boost of Oh, I did this thing? And I guess Yeah, and
19:36
also you can see and hold and show people.
19:38
LJ: Yeah, I also like him. I don't want to say this as like,
19:46
narcissistic or anything, but I quite like when you finish
19:48
something and people are like, that's really cool. I feel like,
19:52
oh thank you. Just
19:53
Mia Hobbs: I don't think that's narcissistic at all
19:54
LJ: to it. It's like the insecurities of myself. I'm just
19:57
like, Why did something good oh So yeah, it kind of feeds into
20:02
that really? And is that
20:04
Mia Hobbs: something you mainly knitting garments or things you
20:07
would wear? are you knitting things you would keep yourself
20:09
or give away?
20:10
LJ: I knit everything and anything. Mostly, like back was
20:14
a couple years ago, I had a shop. So a lot of my knitting
20:18
was for the shop. But I closed that two years ago. And
20:23
Hindsight is a great thing when the pandemic and I kind of felt
20:28
a bit lost because I was doing all this kind of showing off
20:32
yarn knitting and then I was like, Oh, what, so now it's
20:36
like, back to knitting things for me. Yeah. And I'm like, but
20:39
That's an added boost that knitting gives you when you give
20:41
I don't need six shawls. Do I? I don't know. So I've kind of
20:46
started knitting for for family and friends and things. Yeah. I
20:51
crochet Cinderella doll for my, like, one year old niece, and I
20:56
got a message from her mum going. it's her favourite thing
21:00
ever. Oh, my God. I'm so happy. Yeah.
21:07
it
21:08
Yeah, when people like it. Yeah. Yeah.
21:11
Mia Hobbs: I guess that was one of my questions. Really, that
21:13
was on my list about whether it affects your mental health when
21:16
it's the finished article, as well as just the process. It
21:19
sounds like you're a lot about the process. But you Yeah,
21:22
something from the end result to either because people compliment
21:25
you when you're wearing your lovely jumper or your shawl or
21:29
you give it away and then people say nice things
21:32
LJ: yeah, people enjoy it. Yeah. It's nice when people enjoy it.
21:35
And I've I mean, as most crafters know, you find out who
21:40
likes it and who doesn't like it. And you end up only making
21:45
for them like my mum, I make notes for my mom. She's like, my
21:48
number one fan. And she always gets so excited no matter how
21:52
ghastly it turns out. But yeah, it's a really nice feeling when
21:58
you can make something for somebody. And I feel like as
22:02
well. So I have depression winner. And sometimes when
22:07
you're in that, that dark space, and I knit all the time when I'm
22:11
not doing other things. So like when, like, my friends have
22:16
recently moved house. And like I've made them housewarming
22:21
gifts. And that was something that I could do, instead of
22:24
having to sit on the internet and overthink. Like, oh, what
22:29
would be the perfect thing for their new house? Well, maybe
22:31
they've got too much stuff, but everybody could use a pair of
22:34
slippers, right? So it kind of it kind of helps with that
22:38
uselessness as well, that feeling of uselessness that you
22:43
are doing something productive? And then you can
22:46
Mia Hobbs: other times? So even when you're feeling low? Are you
22:49
able to knit?
22:50
LJ: Always?
22:51
Mia Hobbs: You are okay.
22:53
LJ: Yeah. Um, I don't know if it is because over, it's been so
22:59
long now that I just understand that, that kind of keeps me
23:04
grounded and kind of not in my head. Yeah, that I'm just like,
23:10
well, that's a no brainer, really just go and get your
23:12
knitting and sit for a bit. So like, if I wake up, and I'm
23:17
like, oh, today is not a good day, I will tend to sit with my
23:21
knitting and a cup of tea for like an hour or so just to kind
23:24
of instead of writing the whole day off, and it's something new
23:28
that I've learned that it's okay to just I mean, the joys of
23:31
being self employed, right? I am lucky that I can do that. But to
23:34
be able to sit where your net and just bring yourself like
23:38
wake yourself up and shake off, whatever you've woken up with,
23:43
you can focus on doing something. So you are like
23:46
you're being you know, the whole you have to be productive all
23:48
the time. So you're being productive. But you're also kind
23:51
of soothing your brain a little bit. And then I'll go and have a
23:56
shower and get my day going and things like that. So
24:00
Mia Hobbs: yeah. So it sounds like it helps you to feel you're
24:03
being productive when it feels really overwhelming to do
24:07
anything.
24:08
LJ: Yeah, yeah, it really does. And it's not something I've
24:11
realised until recently that when you spend a lot of time on
24:15
the internet, I don't know if there's like cycles of things
24:18
that are shared. And a lot of it now is like you do and I assume
24:22
it's because of the pandemic that people feel guilty that
24:24
they're not as productive as they maybe would like to be or
24:28
have been in previous years. Well, there's a lot of stuff
24:32
about like, you don't have to be productive all the time or
24:35
society tells you you should be productive and you're you're not
24:38
less of a human if you're not productive. And I suppose the
24:40
kind of the right like you are always told that you should be
24:44
busy or working and and you always get praised for being
24:48
busy all the time. But when you struggle, mentally, I mean, and
24:52
physically but like in my cards mentally. be productive when you
24:58
just literally don't Have the spoons to clean the house or
25:02
whatever you have to do. So in doing a couple rows of knitting,
25:06
yeah, use that quite a lot
25:09
Mia Hobbs: so that you can kind of see it and feel it like you
25:12
can see the progress you made. Yeah. Other than I, you know, I
25:17
don't know whether to clean the house, it always ends up getting
25:19
dirty. I
25:20
mean, you have a dog. Yeah. I don't mean, poodles don't tend
25:26
to shed well, they don't shedSHe doesn't shed, that's one
25:29
blessing
25:30
LJ: Spaniels there's hair everywhere.
25:32
Mia Hobbs: He does go to the park and get very muddy and
25:34
bring it all back in the house.
25:36
LJ: Thats what you get having a white dog. But yeah, like the
25:41
cleanings never ending. But you're right, being able to see
25:43
the progress on the knitting. And sometimes you add wee
25:46
stitch marker and to see how far you've got
25:48
Mia Hobbs: Yeah, that's a good idea.
25:49
LJ: And it's just an extra seratonin boost really.
25:52
Mia Hobbs: Yeah, I think I'm, that's a good idea. Actually, I
25:54
need to do. I've just done a colour work yoke. And now I've
25:57
got, I'm looking down the barrel of nine inches of stockinette,
26:01
which is not my favourite part of that sweater. But maybe I
26:05
should put in some stitch markers so I can see my progress
26:08
because it does feel like you knit and knit and it's not going
26:11
anywhere
26:12
LJ: Precisely Yeah, you can and you'll be able to see like, if
26:15
you're sitting in the evening, you're just like, Oh, I've done
26:18
an inch instead of feeling like you've only done like three
26:20
rows.
26:20
Mia Hobbs: Yeah, I love going to you know, when you have to go
26:23
to, you know, doctor appointment or something and you sit there
26:25
and you feel like, well, this is, you know, I like to be able
26:28
to see, I got everyone else has just got some time on Instagram
26:32
or something on their phones, whereas I got into an of a
26:36
boring cuff of a sock or something.
26:38
LJ: Definitely. doing that. Yeah. It's good to not be on
26:43
your phone all the time. Although I'm on my phone all the
26:45
time. I'm trying not to be
26:47
Mia Hobbs: I think everyone's on their phone all the time really,
26:50
just I was gonna ask about a significant project.
26:54
LJ: I yeah, I found that really difficult. Because because I do
27:01
just enjoy the process of doing it. Yeah. Nothing that kind of
27:04
really.
27:06
Mia Hobbs: I suppose I wondered was there a particular time when
27:08
you think oh, yeah, that I did whatever I knitted at that point
27:11
was really was really memorable, or this I gave to my mum and she
27:15
loved it or I don't know, something that got you through a
27:19
difficult time or could be any reason for being significant.
27:21
Really? Yeah, well,
27:23
LJ: recently well, last year. I'm just thinking how much not?
27:27
Not how much to say I haven't said this in public, but I'm
27:30
happy to say it, last year we lost marks grandad Mark being my
27:36
husband, and I was very close to his granddad and he had cancer
27:41
so he ended up in like palliative care. And it just
27:45
wasn't a good time and there was a whole issue with family and
27:49
but back when I had the shop I had started Karina Westerman or
27:53
Karie Westerman And Summerisle shawl as a shop sample. And I
27:59
had two skeins of my own yarn. And I had started knitting it,
28:02
but for some reason it got put to the side and kind of
28:05
forgotten about. But it's such a beautiful pattern that I was
28:09
like, No, I want to work on that. So we Mark's Gran is
28:17
practically blind and she's in a wheelchair. So we moved in to
28:22
her house for a fortnight to help her out. And I was on her
28:28
it was height of the pandemic so there was only one visitor into
28:32
the hospital but because she was in a wheelchair I got in it's
28:35
like a carer. So we would spend like two hours in the hospital.
28:41
So this was kind of my hospital go to Project okay. Yeah. And
28:47
Mark's granddad was all like he was so so he was just the best,
28:53
like legitimately the best and we're trying not to cry. Yes.
28:57
Um, and he was always like, I like I used to knit him socks
29:02
because he his mum, I never met his mum. But his mum apparently
29:06
was the most fantastic knitter and would hand them socks. As
29:09
soon as I learned how to knit socks, I was like, the old man's
29:12
getting socks. And I would give him socks. And when I shop for
29:16
the shop, he got all the socks. And he was just like, he
29:20
genuinely just was the best. And so I was sitting there on this
29:23
project and every night because we were there every single
29:26
night. You like, How far have you gone? What is it finished
29:30
yet? Is it finished yet? And it would just be a bit of banter.
29:32
Yeah. And then he died. And the project well, the project took a
29:39
lot more yarn it should have as there's a story behind that.
29:44
It's my fault. It's not the pattern. And so again, it kind
29:49
of got put to one side and I kind of couldn't look at it
29:52
because of the memories attached to it. But I finished it at the
29:57
start of this year. I was like what kind of over Christmas
30:00
start of this year, and I was like, finishing this business
30:04
for the old man. And when I finished it, I was like, old,
30:06
man, you'd be so proud of me. I finished it. Oh, God no cyring
30:11
Mia Hobbs: It's ok to cry!
30:13
LJ: So yeah, having that. He's there.
30:16
Mia Hobbs: Yeah. And you've presumably you're keeping that
30:20
to remind you of that time. Oh, that's amazing LJ. It's
30:24
beautiful.
30:26
LJ: It's the most beautiful. It's huge. Hence why it needed
30:30
more yarn. But it's like a matter. It is a massive blanket.
30:33
And I can just lovely
30:34
Mia Hobbs: and that will remind you, yeah,
30:36
LJ: just, this is really terrible. So when he was in the
30:41
kind of a palliative care hospital, but he was still very,
30:47
he wasn't bed bound, which was like he was still very, he was
30:51
in a wheelchair like an electric wheelchair. So he would always
30:55
kind of walk us out of the kind of area he was allowed to go to.
31:01
And Mark's Gran would say like bye like lovely dovey kisses and
31:04
everything. And I would just give him the finger and he would
31:06
give me the finger back. And that's the last thing I did to
31:09
him was give him the finger Oh, God.
31:13
Mia Hobbs: It sounds like there was a lot of affection in that.
31:16
Swearing at each other. It was your banter with each other.
31:21
LJ: It was yeah, he was just the best. And
31:25
Mia Hobbs: yeah, and I'm sure that's what how he would have
31:28
wanted it. He wouldn't have want you to suddenly would have
31:30
freaked him out if you'd suddenly kissed him.
31:34
LJ: Yeah, no, that would have been. I did once.
31:39
Mia Hobbs: Thank you for sharing that.
31:41
LJ: I'm sorry that about crying. I'm like, I'm really so
31:44
sentimental. No. It's one of those things. He was in a lot of
31:48
pain. So
31:49
Mia Hobbs: yeah, I'm really special for that. You have that
31:52
shawl to remind you. Yeah, of him, And, I'm sure he
31:56
appreciated all those socks.
31:58
LJ: He did. And when we emptied his house I don't know where all
32:02
the socks went Yeah, Mark was like, but you gifted it to him.
32:07
So they're not yours anymore? And I was like, yep, but I made
32:10
them it Feels weird. But if they've gone to the charity shop
32:13
and somebody else is using them, then that's fine. Yeah. Yeah,
32:17
because if
32:20
Mia Hobbs: I also wanted to ask about a knitting high and a
32:22
knitting low. They don't have to be deep and meaningful. They
32:29
could just be I don't know, I had the. My cable needle broke
32:33
on the line. My circular needle broke when I was sitting on the
32:36
tube and all of my stitches came off.
32:40
LJ: That sucks.
32:42
Mia Hobbs: But I think we've all been there similar stories. When
32:45
you're
32:45
LJ: Yeah, yeah, we've all done this. And then a knitting high,
32:50
let's start with a high after that sad story
32:52
story. Um, that's really difficult. I feel like knitting
32:58
is such a, a background activity for me that I don't. That's
33:03
crazy, isn't it? It's like a background activity. But I do it
33:05
all the time. But it's just more
33:09
Mia Hobbs: of any like project. When you thought when you got to
33:11
the end of it, it felt like a real triumph for when you first
33:13
learned to, I don't know, I remember what the first time I
33:16
turned a heel. I ended up standing, staying up late like
33:19
to what I am because I thought I didn't know how this is gonna
33:21
turn out. I'm just gonna follow the instructions. But it's 3D.
33:25
LJ: Yeah. Yeah. How does that work? That's, can I say
33:29
something more? Not about knitting itself, but more about
33:32
like, the friends I've made along the way.
33:34
Mia Hobbs: Yeah. of course,
33:35
LJ: as, as a child who was very badly bullied, um, I've never
33:40
felt accepted. And getting into the knitting industry,
33:44
especially in Scotland. I'm saying Scotland, because that's
33:49
where I'm from. But I have met so many people that accept you
33:54
for who you are, and are absolutely your cheerleaders the
33:59
whole time. And we're all a little bit broken. So we all
34:04
understand when we say no, my brains a bit mush, or various
34:09
other things. So I would say my knitting high is definitely
34:13
being able to call these people friends and being part of a
34:18
community that we are all in on a very supportive. Yeah, I think
34:24
that's definitely my knitting high.
34:27
Mia Hobbs: That's a huge thing. Yeah,
34:29
LJ: yeah. Even people I've only met a couple times. It's just,
34:33
and I'm saying this from a place of privilege, for sure. But
34:36
everybody's so nice. I know that our issues in the knitting
34:40
community you've probably read and seen and, and it sucks, and
34:45
it's like, that's not the community. I know. But I know
34:49
that it exists for sure. I don't want to be that naive. But yeah,
34:54
for me, I'm very grateful that I have people that are so
34:58
supportive and you know, we'll send a message in be like 'are
35:00
you ok chick and I'm like, no but hi! Or will send you a
35:06
stupid video on Tik Tok just to me, like, I saw this and that
35:09
made me laugh and make you laugh and stuff like that. So that's
35:14
definitely my knitting high, for sure. Great. Um, my knitting low
35:19
would be. The one thing that springs to mind because I'm
35:24
working on it just now was I went to the very first Edinburgh
35:28
yarn festival. Have you been to Edinburgh?
35:31
Mia Hobbs: No, but I would love to go to the Edinburgh Festival.
35:36
I don't know when the first one was? how long ago.
35:39
LJ: Oh, good question. Ah, had I opened the shop by them. I'm not
35:45
sure if the shop was open. So maybe 2013 2014 ish. And then I
35:52
went, I dragged Mark along with me. And we went in and it was in
35:56
the afternoon and it was so busy. I was still so busy. And
35:58
this was this was when it was in I think the Drill Hall so it
36:02
wasn't in the Corn Exchange. It was a much smaller venue. So we
36:06
went in, we kind of wondered about really quickly because I
36:08
was just so overwhelmed. There were just too many people too
36:11
much nice yarn. I was like, oh, I need to leave went and saw
36:15
Lileth of the of Old Maiden Aunt. And there was like she had
36:21
her trunks and things and there was a beautiful colour. It was a
36:24
buttermint colorway which is this beautiful yellow. It's
36:28
gorgeous. So I grabbed it. Bought it. I was like saying to
36:33
Lileth. I didn't know Lileth, at the time. Yeah. I was like it's
36:36
so busy. How are you coping? And she's like, I'm not I'm and you
36:39
want to hide under the table? And just like Absolutely. Bought
36:42
my yarn, left. Great. We were home. I took the yarn. Cobweb
36:50
lace.
36:51
Mia Hobbs: Oh,
36:53
LJ: I was not a new knitter. But not a what's the word? Not
37:00
confident knitter. I was like, what? I don't know what to do
37:03
with this. So it sat in my stash for ages. And then I brought it
37:07
out and was like, I took the yarn out. And I was like, I'm
37:10
gonna do something with this. Yeah. And I looked at Shetland
37:15
lace thought that's a good challenge. I'm gonna try doing
37:18
like one of the ring, you know, that shawls that go through a
37:21
wedding ring and things. But the yardage wasn't enough on it. But
37:25
I think there's like over 1000 metres on it, which is crazy. So
37:28
it just so happened that Lileth had a studio fire. Not a big
37:32
one. But there was smoke damage to yarn. So she kind of sold it
37:36
off cheap. And there was another skein of this colorway. Okay, I
37:40
bought it I was like yes because she doesn't often have
37:42
that base in stock. I was like, Yes, get that. And it arrived.
37:46
And because it was like five years apart. They weren't the
37:49
same dye lot. They were different colours. And I was
37:52
like, Oh, I don't know what to do with this. So again, it went
37:57
back in my stash. And it's just as a bit of a low. It's almost
38:01
kind of plagued me just this in my stash because I want to use
38:05
it. But I really I suppose I kind of flipped it on. I
38:08
recently figured out that I could knit a lace top with it.
38:11
Okay, I'm currently knitting a lace top, holding both strands
38:15
together. And I only need one well two skeins, but I only need
38:19
one skein.
38:20
Mia Hobbs: What's the top? ,
38:22
LJ: so it's Diafania. DIA. S. E. Nia, by Camilla Larsen. Diafania
38:30
Mia Hobbs: So yeah, it's just in progress right now.
38:33
LJ: Yes, I could show you if you want that.
38:35
Mia Hobbs: Yeah. That's an amazing colour.
38:39
LJ: Isn't it beautiful? So yeah, it's got like you. I'm just on
38:42
the yoke. I'm not looking forward to the rows and rows of
38:46
stokinette afterwards. But yeah, I am enjoying it. And it's got a
38:50
lace yoke. Yeah. So it's easy enough to memorise, yeah. Yeah,
38:56
Mia Hobbs: so hey, so is it feeling good to use that yarn?
38:59
LJ: No, it does. So I suppose it takes away from the knitting
39:03
law, doesn't it?
39:03
Mia Hobbs: Not at all, I'm really pleased at seeing the
39:05
light of day.
39:06
LJ: I know me too. That's the thing about like, everybody.
39:09
Well, not everybody has a big stash. But I know we all have at
39:12
least some yarn kicking about and it's just so nice to be able
39:16
to use it because you've bought it because you love it. It's
39:19
just a shame that it's any more hands basically. Yeah
39:23
Mia Hobbs: I actually ended up going stash free because of the
39:29
not liking the the kind of guilt factor of when I wanted to knit
39:34
a new thing if I didn't happen to have because you've got to
39:37
have the right yarn and the right like thickness of yarn,
39:40
the right quantity of it for the project. I just found that that
39:44
was a matchmaking process that never quite resulted in a
39:48
harmonious match. and so I ended up just so the only stash
39:55
I have is you know, nice remnants basically or Things,
40:00
I've used things. Also, I don't buy unless I have a specific
40:03
project and I'm about to start
40:05
LJ: started doing that. Well, I started doing that quite a few
40:08
years ago. Actually, I went I, before the show, I would like
40:13
write up a spreadsheet of projects and yardage and things.
40:16
I'd have a selection of things I wanted to make that I could then
40:20
be like, Okay, well, I love this. What can I make with this?
40:24
Okay, that and then at least I knew I would have enough for at
40:26
least a project. But yeah, it's it's quite satisfying to I
40:30
haven't got no stash. I definitely don't have no stash.
40:33
Yeah, I still have a lot of like sample yarn and things that I
40:38
try and give to people. And one of my friends works for a
40:44
Women's Refuge charity here and they're doing something with pom
40:48
poms to they're making pom poms. And they're going to put them up
40:51
around Dundee in spaces where women don't feel safe to kind of
40:54
make it a bit more of a nicer environment to be be in. And
41:01
she's like, Do you have any purple, orange or green? And I'm
41:03
like, Oh, you bet I do. Went over with like bags and I was.
41:07
Like, please take this bye
41:09
Mia Hobbs: Yeah. So it's going to a good cause?
41:12
LJ: Absolutely. So yeah, if you find a pom pom in Dundee, it's
41:15
probably from my stash.
41:18
Mia Hobbs: That's amazing. The last question I normally ask is,
41:21
what's the greatest gift that knitting has given you for the
41:23
kind of rest of your life?
41:25
LJ: Patience?
41:26
Mia Hobbs: Okay, yeah.
41:28
LJ: I'm definitely
41:29
Mia Hobbs: do you think that's spilled over into other realms
41:32
of your life outside of knitting.
41:35
LJ: I want to say yes, my husband would say no,
41:37
Mia Hobbs: that's okay. He's not on the podcast.
41:40
LJ: That's true. I think he's out with the dog. Can't even
41:43
hear me say that. Um, no, I think it's definitely given me a
41:47
sense of like kind of being in the moment to stop
41:51
catastrophizing, things and getting all up in your head.
41:55
Yeah. Patience to just sit and be. And definitely a coping
42:01
mechanism for situations where I, I like to pre plan everything
42:07
and know, like, where am I going to park? What, how long is it
42:12
going to take? And I run through these things in my head. So it's
42:17
given me something to be able to kind of, as you say, that
42:20
comfort blanket type things so that at least that's one piece
42:25
of the plan? Yeah. I don't need to worry about that. I could sit
42:29
in the waiting room, like at the hospital, the doctors. Yeah. And
42:33
I don't have to worry about how long I'm sitting there. Are
42:36
people looking at me? Or are people judging what I'm doing?
42:39
Blah, blah, blah? Yeah. So it kind of takes away that kind of
42:42
nonsense. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, so once I get there, I can sit in
42:48
and be calm and just focus on going in, and then we'll deal
42:52
with what's next
42:53
Mia Hobbs: Yeah. Okay, that's amazing. And I loved I have to
42:58
say, your collection, your new collection of yarn. And I love
43:04
some of the yarn names. They are amazing. And I think you're
43:07
right, they talk, they speak to the kind of the messier side of
43:11
Yeah, mental health when you think, you know, I think was the
43:14
one about not having washed in a week. And theapy tears.
43:19
LJ: Therapy tears is My friends Yeah, I think I was just at that
43:25
place where I'm sure a lot of people were in the pandemic,
43:28
where everybody was trying to lift everybody up, which I
43:33
totally appreciate. And everybody was looking at, like,
43:37
the beautiful things around them, like, the flowers in their
43:40
garden or, you know, be like the beautiful things and really look
43:45
at and it was so good. I did really love it. But at the same
43:49
time I was sat there like not having washed in a week, having
43:52
not brushed my teeth in, however long crawling out of this cave.
43:57
And I'm just like, do you know what. I love you all for this.
44:01
But actually, I feel like rubbish. Yeah. And we can we
44:06
talk about that for a minute, please. Can we focus this to me?
44:11
And yeah, it was nice to when I kind of shared the idea. People
44:15
were really open for it. And it made me feel less on my own.
44:20
Mia Hobbs: Yeah. And I'm sure that other people feel less on
44:22
their own as well, because they thought, Well, I'm not the only
44:24
person here. Well, I hope so a week or, you know, has cried
44:30
their way through another therapy session or you know, cuz
44:33
that will speak to lots of us won't it.
44:36
LJ: Yeah, definitely. So yeah, it was quite cathartic for me
44:39
for sure. Sure. Yeah. So kind of proud of that one. Yeah.
44:46
Mia Hobbs: So I'm sure there'd be lots of people who would like
44:49
to follow you on Instagram. You've got a video podcast, is
44:54
that right? Oh, yeah, I do. I do that thing. and your yarn and
44:58
the Oh yeah so how can they find out more? Okay,
45:04
LJ: so my website is www dot rusty ferret yarn dot co.uk.
45:08
Yeah. If you want to follow me on Instagram, I'm at rusty
45:12
ferret yarn. I'm not so active on there just now and find it
45:16
Instagram a lot just now. Okay. I am quite active over on
45:21
Twitter. Okay. Which you can yeah is the same so at rusty
45:26
ferret yarn on Twitter as well. And the podcast is on YouTube.
45:30
It's not a podcast, it's video podcast video on YouTube, and I
45:35
believe that's rusty ferret yarn, too. Okay. But you'll get
45:38
that from my website. Everything's linked on my
45:40
website.
45:41
Mia Hobbs: Super and LJ thank you so much. I'm really honoured
45:45
that you shared your beautiful stories about Mark's granddad
45:48
and the shawl. And yeah, so that was a real pleasure.
45:58
Thank you for listening to the why I knit podcast if you'd like
46:01
to find out more about therapeutic knitting you can
46:03
follow me on Instagram at knitting is therapeutic. Or
46:06
check out my website therapeutic knitting.org. To be notified
46:10
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46:14
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