Latest / Mental Health Matters for Christians / Ep1 From Trauma to Freedom: Rescuing Trafficked Women with Becky Dymond

Transcript

Ep1 From Trauma to Freedom: Rescuing Trafficked Women with Becky Dymond · Mental Health Matters for Christians

• 0:00
  My dad died when I was 5. My mom goes into depression and
• 0:05
  I remember walking up to my mom going, hey, mom, when's dad
• 0:10
  coming home because my bike needed to be fixed.
• 0:14
  And she began to sob and ran out the back door and I went, don't
• 0:17
  go back to her. She doesn't have what you need.
• 0:20
  Dad split right when I needed him because my bike need to be
• 0:23
  fixed. I distinctly remember talking to
• 0:26
  myself saying, all right, you're on your own.
• 0:28
  Five years old. Five years old.
• 0:30
  You're like, I'm on my own. Be smart, be quick, be sharp,
• 0:33
  you'll be all right. And I pretty much never gave my
• 0:36
  mom another chance. Hey everyone, I'm Christine
• 0:45
  Sneeringer and I'm your host of the Mental Health Matters for
• 0:48
  Christians podcast. Of course mental health matters
• 0:51
  to lots of people, Christian or not, but for me as a believer.
• 0:55
  I. Take a faith-based approach to
• 0:58
  my mental health. So that's what I'm going to be
• 1:00
  talking about on this show. Through interviews with people
• 1:03
  who have walked through hardship, loss, and trauma, my
• 1:07
  goal is to inspire people to fill them with hope and give
• 1:10
  them practical insights so they can get unstuck and experience
• 1:14
  more of the freedom that Jesus promises his followers.
• 1:18
  I can't think of a better illustration for this very first
• 1:21
  guest. Then when you're on an airplane
• 1:24
  and you're getting ready to take off and they make the
• 1:26
  announcement to put on your own oxygen mask first before
• 1:31
  attempting to help someone else. Becky has walked through her own
• 1:36
  pain, loss, hardship, and she's going to unpack that for us as
• 1:41
  she talks about how she ministers to vulnerable women.
• 1:45
  Let's get into it. I'm thrilled to have an
• 1:48
  opportunity to sit down with an amazing woman of God who is a
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  mother of three, a licensed mental health counselor and a
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  warrior in the Kingdom who is pulling people out of the pit of
• 2:00
  darkness. And we're going to hear all
• 2:01
  about it. This is Becky Diamond.
• 2:03
  Welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me.
• 2:05
  What an honor, what a pleasure. Oh, that's so kind.
• 2:07
  I think you have the best last name.
• 2:09
  First of all, I love your last name.
• 2:12
  It has served me well, right? Yeah, if I ever get married I'm
• 2:16
  hoping for an upgrade in my last name was yours.
• 2:20
  I'm guessing whatever it was before Diamond was an upgrade.
• 2:24
  Diamond was probably an upgrade. Yeah, I'll give you that.
• 2:26
  OK. Yeah, it's a great name.
• 2:28
  Anyway, I'm so excited to get to speak with you and unpack your
• 2:32
  story. So yeah, tell us.
• 2:34
  Tell us what you do, Becky. I run a nonprofit working with
• 2:38
  women coming out of sex trafficking and prostitution.
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  It's called Lighthouse PVC for Palm Beach County.
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  And a couple things we do. For one, we have what we call a
• 2:49
  pop up at the laundromat. And the whole idea is I, I
• 2:56
  actually, I was talking to a mentor and he told me about this
• 2:59
  group out in California that built a laundromat with a wall
• 3:03
  of lockers. Because the big deal for people
• 3:05
  living on the street is they leave their stuff, you know, to
• 3:09
  go get food or or whatever, and they come back and it's all
• 3:11
  gone. Oh, people steal their yeah,
• 3:13
  their laundry. Everything they own, whatever
• 3:16
  they own that they don't have with them, it's they they have
• 3:18
  to carry everything with them all the time.
• 3:20
  Yeah. And I'm going, well, I don't
• 3:22
  have the money to build a laundry rent, but I do have
• 3:24
  quarters. I can afford quarters.
• 3:26
  And so we have three different ones that we're doing and we're
• 3:28
  looking to open up other ones. So three locations, 3 locations
• 3:31
  for your pop up for the pop ups. We have one in Lake Worth Beach,
• 3:35
  one in West Palm Beach, one in Riviera Beach, and we're there
• 3:39
  one day a week at each one, and we take chairs and food and
• 3:46
  refreshments. We take toiletries, take Narcan.
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  Take take them to give to the girls or the ladies.
• 3:52
  Right, right. OK, so first of all, I mean, so
• 3:55
  many questions, such an interesting line of work.
• 4:00
  First of all, I mean, wow. Yeah, wasn't my idea.
• 4:04
  OK, that had to be a God idea, right?
• 4:06
  That was a God idea for sure. OK I want to get more into that
• 4:10
  but do you have to get permission from the laundromat
• 4:12
  to to do a pop up? Yeah, and we've had laundry mats
• 4:15
  turn us down. Wow.
• 4:16
  You go and say I want to do the laundry of women who are.
• 4:21
  Yeah. How do you say it?
• 4:22
  Well, I go in, we have signs like posters that we put up in
• 4:25
  the area, and we say, if you're a woman living a life you never
• 4:28
  wanted to live in a place you never wanted to be, we'll do
• 4:30
  your laundry for you for free, for free.
• 4:32
  Does it say that we'll do your laundry for you for free or
• 4:36
  just? I don't think it says for free.
• 4:38
  It's just that we'll we'll do your laundry for you.
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  So I think that implies that it's free.
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  OK, so they just come and drop off their laundry.
• 4:43
  No, no, no, no. They come and we take chairs, we
• 4:46
  take refreshments, food, snacks, we take toiletries.
• 4:51
  I take Narcan. We have a pregnancy Narcan.
• 4:56
  Narcan is the the feel like Mace.
• 5:00
  No, no, no, no. Narcan you use for an overdose
• 5:03
  of fentanyl and it'll save your life?
• 5:06
  Wow. Yeah.
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  And and I take clothing, like used clothing.
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  We went and bought all of the hoodies that Goodwill had a
• 5:11
  couple of weeks ago when we had a cold spell.
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  Then the whole idea is they come, they put their laundry in
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  the wash, we provide the soap and the quarters and then we
• 5:22
  have time to talk. They're a little bit of a
• 5:24
  captive audience whether Yeah. And we just build relationship
• 5:28
  and the whole objective is that when they want to get out, when
• 5:33
  they're ready to go, wow, this life isn't working for me.
• 5:36
  I can get them out that day. And get them out of the life
• 5:39
  they're in. Yeah, I've, I've told gals get
• 5:41
  my car now, we'll go right now, let's go and and we'll leave and
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  I'll take them. Typically for women that are
• 5:48
  being trafficked on the street, they have addiction issues.
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  So we're taking them to detox and getting them into a rehab,
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  but then we'll track with them all the way through and we'll
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  we'll provide funds for toiletries for them while
• 6:00
  they're in a rehab. Like, you know, money for
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  shampoo and that kind of stuff or cigarettes if that's what
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  they need to help them maintain their sobriety.
• 6:08
  I'm all. In yeah, like you're not
• 6:09
  advocating for cigarettes, but you're like, OK, let's just get
• 6:12
  you through this rough patch. Yeah, OK.
• 6:14
  I like that. Yeah, and then and then we'll
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  track with them after, help them get into a sober house and we
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  provide I'm a licensed mental health counselor.
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  So we do trauma therapy and, and I kind of, I would say I have
• 6:28
  secular tools at work. I have spiritual tools that a
• 6:30
  lot of times you could skip steps.
• 6:32
  And so we try to. Say that again, though, sorry.
• 6:36
  You have secular tools that work, meaning that are going to
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  help you get out of the place. You're talking about mental
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  health, you know, opportunities to help somebody with their
• 6:44
  mental health challenges. Right.
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  And the huge majority have experienced pretty profound
• 6:52
  trauma all the way through their lives.
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  In fact, I think that was one of the things that surprised me
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  when I first started working with them is for most of them,
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  this trafficking is just the latest in a whole lifelong worth
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  of trauma. And for many of them, it wasn't
• 7:06
  the worst. What?
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  I know. This season of being trafficked
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  is not the worst season that they're in or the worst pain
• 7:15
  that they've gone through, right?
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  That just the back of my head just blew off.
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  I don't know if you saw that. I mean, I can't even tell you
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  how many women I've worked with that their parents were their
• 7:26
  first traffickers. Oh yeah, that would be worse.
• 7:30
  And to be to be betrayed by your parents in this way.
• 7:33
  Yeah. And so, yeah, we'll, we'll track
• 7:35
  with them. In fact, I just got a really
• 7:37
  wonderful e-mail from a gal a couple of months ago that I
• 7:42
  haven't seen her in probably eight years.
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  Oh, it would be longer than that, probably 9 or 10 years
• 7:47
  going. You had such an impact in my
• 7:50
  life. I am still benefiting from the
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  time that I was, you know, when I was working with her
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  therapeutically. How cool is that?
• 7:57
  That's payday. No, that.
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  Yeah, that's really nice. That's beautiful.
• 8:02
  So you have three locations, you will hope to get more and you'll
• 8:05
  just go one day a week and sit at the pop up.
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  Yeah, on Monday we're in one, Tuesday we're at another one.
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  And we're there from 3:30 to 5:00.
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  So we're done before it gets dark because all of these
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  places, like the first place we started was in West Palm and
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  it's on the corner of a, of a, a fire station.
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  It's this little green space across the street from
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  laundromat. And I think the second or third
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  time we were there, police chief came out from the, from the, the
• 8:32
  fire station said, what are y'all doing here?
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  And we're, you know, explaining he goes, you know, someone got
• 8:37
  shot here and died Monday, you know, Monday night, you know,
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  we're like, no, didn't know that.
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  He just wanted you to know that he's like, by the way, this is
• 8:45
  not a safe neighborhood. Yeah, so, Oh my goodness, you
• 8:48
  know, all the places we are are not.
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  He's just trying to say like, you're here at your own risk,
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  yeah. And so we we make sure we're
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  gone by dark, you know, that's just smart.
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  And the whole objective is to build relationship to make
• 9:03
  connections. All right, so you're not there
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  all day, but so the girls know, OK, I can go there at 3:30 and
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  I'm going to meet that nice lady.
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  I'm going to get some snacks, some toiletries, maybe a hoodie.
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  And I'm going to get my laundry done.
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  And I'm not going to pay for that.
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  And I might have to sit through what?
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  Do I have to sit through a Bible study or just what?
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  Some conversation. It's mostly just conversation.
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  Right. So it's not like they're not
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  subject to like. No.
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  You know, they're just no. So if they just want to sit
• 9:28
  there and read a book, they can do.
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  That and if they don't want to sit there, that's fine too.
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  But I tell them if you're not here by the time I leave, I am
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  not taking your clothes out of the wash in the dryer.
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  That's on you. And.
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  If you lose track of time when you go and your clothes are
• 9:41
  still in the wash, I can't help that.
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  Like if like meaning what? Like you're going to have to pay
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  for the dryer. Well, I'm not going to be here
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  to pay for it for you, so how are you figuring that?
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  Out right. But also if somebody steals
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  them, basically because you said that that happens.
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  That doesn't happen as much as the laundromat.
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  Who wants to steal wet clothes? Yeah.
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  Well, I guess I think we're talking about how they have,
• 10:04
  they don't have much stuff and they're taking everything with
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  them. So if they leave their stuff to
• 10:08
  go to the store, people can steal their belongings.
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  Yeah, and it happens like, you know, I always get the small
• 10:15
  tubes of toothpaste because they probably will lose it between
• 10:18
  this week and next week. They they come back and they go,
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  I lost it. Can I have another one?
• 10:22
  Yeah. Here you go.
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  You know, kind of a thing. It's just that it's a tough life
• 10:26
  and they fall asleep or they pass out.
• 10:30
  And you know, I've had, I've had girls, people stole their shoes
• 10:34
  while they were on their feet. Stole them off their feet?
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  Yeah. I don't even know how that's
• 10:39
  possible. Well, if you're addicted and
• 10:42
  you're passed. Out.
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  You're just out of your mind. Oh, OK, So if you're not, if
• 10:46
  you're asleep or something, yeah.
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  So maybe it's just going to take your shoes off your feet.
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  Phone out of your hand, whatever.
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  No man, it's a hard world. Isn't it?
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  It is tough out there and the average survival, the average
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  survival rate is 7 years. Of what?
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  Like you're not. The average the average life
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  expectancy for someone who's being trafficked is 7 years.
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  Meaning once you're, you start being trafficked, you're going
• 11:13
  to, most likely you're, you're not even going to be living
• 11:16
  after seven years. Right.
• 11:19
  Think about it, because this lifestyle is going to kill you.
• 11:21
  Yeah, yeah. And, and the traffickers
• 11:25
  typically set a quota. So don't, don't come home until
• 11:29
  you have, you know, $800 or whatever.
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  And, and so you keep working until you have that quota.
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  And if you come home with $10 less, you get the snot beat out
• 11:40
  of you. What?
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  And, and half the time the traffickers will say, oh, I'm
• 11:44
  not trafficking her. I just protect her.
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  But if they don't pay the trafficker the money, he's the
• 11:50
  one they need protection from because they'll beat him up.
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  But see, I always pictured and I had the wrong perception about
• 11:57
  trafficked women. So I imagine that there's this
• 12:00
  guy who's pretty big and, you know, like a bodyguard kind of
• 12:04
  thing who's following them around everywhere and not
• 12:06
  letting them out of their sight. But it sounds like these women
• 12:09
  are free to go to the laundromat and maybe go other places too,
• 12:12
  without this shadow bodyguard following them everywhere.
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  What's? What's I've had bodyguards, I've
• 12:16
  had, I've had, they're not bodyguards.
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  I've had traffickers come and check the pop out up.
• 12:22
  What did I say it? Check out the pop up.
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  There it is. Check out the pop up.
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  They they've come to check us out because they want to see if
• 12:29
  it's safe to let their gals come.
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  And there's gals that'll come and say I can't stay, I can't
• 12:33
  stay. If he sees me here, he'll beat
• 12:34
  me. Because they know that because
• 12:37
  the trafficker would be feel threatened that maybe you might
• 12:40
  be helping this woman, right? Maybe is it help her with her
• 12:45
  own sense of worth and value that she doesn't have to live
• 12:48
  like this and that eventually she might move on from this
• 12:51
  life? Yeah, I think, I think they're
• 12:53
  afraid that I might, you know, talk her into leaving, Talk her
• 12:57
  into leaving the life. You can't talk anybody into
• 13:00
  anything, right? They'll talk themselves out of
• 13:02
  it at their leisure when you walk away.
• 13:03
  But the draw is it's hard to It's hard to get a trick if you
• 13:13
  stink and your clothes are dirty.
• 13:14
  Oh, so you need to look nice to get?
• 13:17
  Yes, the nicer they look, the easier it is to.
• 13:19
  Get the opportunity to make money from your body so.
• 13:22
  So even though the traffickers are maybe not thrilled with us
• 13:26
  being there, it's still free laundry.
• 13:28
  And of course, they'll bring his laundry too, so it's not just
• 13:31
  their. Stuff.
• 13:31
  Oh my goodness, you're doing traffickers laundry.
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  Wow. You know, you know, but it's
• 13:35
  it's blessing your enemies, right The.
• 13:37
  Scripture says to use your unrighteous mam and thank you
• 13:40
  King James. I don't know what it is in the
• 13:42
  newer versions, but. Your money.
• 13:44
  Is use what you have to influence people.
• 13:46
  So that's that's what we do. Wow.
• 13:49
  All right, so, and, and you give these women opportunity.
• 13:55
  If they want out of this life, then you you offer that.
• 13:58
  Yeah, and I've had, you know, there was a woman, she's out of
• 14:03
  the life. We've actually gotten about 16,
• 14:05
  maybe 18 women out of the life. Off the streets.
• 14:08
  Since we started about 2 1/2 years ago.
• 14:11
  And, and so when you, they're out of the life, they're on
• 14:13
  their own, they're like they, they, they're in regular jobs.
• 14:16
  They're sober, they're living in freedom.
• 14:18
  They're. Moving with their lives?
• 14:21
  Come on, that must feel amazing. That's Payday.
• 14:24
  Yes, that's the I can't imagine. And we build relationships with
• 14:29
  them because because there's other organizations that work
• 14:34
  with that work with trafficking victims.
• 14:38
  I don't like to use, excuse me, I don't like to use the term
• 14:43
  victim because that implies helpless, hopeless, powerless.
• 14:48
  So I like to use the word survivor, right.
• 14:52
  But but if you don't build a relationship with them, the
• 14:55
  relationship is what keeps people and I, I'm looking at my
• 14:59
  own life. I came to Faith when I was 20
• 15:02
  from a pretty insane, wild background.
• 15:07
  And there was a woman that took me in, let me live with her and
• 15:12
  her two little boys. Her husband had split.
• 15:15
  And she was just looking to to, you know, make the time go.
• 15:18
  She was hoping, praying for reconciliation.
• 15:21
  And she loved me. And I knew if I walked, she'd
• 15:25
  come looking for me. Drag me back by the hair.
• 15:27
  Everybody needs somebody that'll go, hey, where are you?
• 15:31
  I care about you. Can I?
• 15:33
  Let's go out for coffee. Let's go for a walk on the
• 15:35
  beach. You know, it's not like it takes
• 15:37
  killer money, but everybody needs someone who goes.
• 15:40
  Where are you? I've missed you that.
• 15:44
  I don't think I would have served God that first year after
• 15:47
  I got saved. I didn't know God loved me yet
• 15:49
  beyond, you know, quoting John 316.
• 15:53
  I just knew that my back history was like snake bit like
• 15:58
  horrible. I mean, are you talking about
• 15:59
  like your family of origin? What you talking about?
• 16:01
  No, I had been, I had, I had been living a gay lifestyle and
• 16:06
  the drugs and alcohol and pretty much insanity and it was just.
• 16:11
  As a teenager, starting. As a teenager, but into I got.
• 16:15
  I came to the faith when I was 20.
• 16:17
  So wait, can I back up and ask what do you think LED you to, I
• 16:20
  mean, have you looked at what are the, what do you think for
• 16:22
  you, your root causes of that life?
• 16:25
  Oh, yeah, My, my dad died when I was five.
• 16:30
  I didn't know that he died. I'm sure they told me.
• 16:32
  It just went over my head. My mom goes into depression and
• 16:36
  I remember walking up to my mom going, hey, mom, when's dad
• 16:41
  coming home because my bike needed to be fixed and she began
• 16:46
  to sob and ran out the back door and I went, don't go back to
• 16:49
  her. She doesn't have what you need.
• 16:53
  Dad split right when I needed him because my bike need to be
• 16:57
  fixed and I went down into the barn.
• 16:59
  We lived on a little bit of a farm and I'm, I distinctly
• 17:03
  remember talking to myself saying, all right, you're on
• 17:07
  your own. Five years old, five years old.
• 17:09
  You're like, I'm on my own. Be smart, be quick, be sharp,
• 17:13
  you'll be all right. And I pretty much never gave my
• 17:16
  mom another chance. By the way, that's a great pep
• 17:18
  talk. I mean, seriously, be Be smart,
• 17:20
  be quick. What was your name?
• 17:21
  Be sharp. Be sharp, you know?
• 17:22
  Be yeah, you know, you know. Like in tune and yeah, yeah.
• 17:28
  But but I also divided them. Five years old, I divided them.
• 17:31
  There was a little girl part that I left in the barn.
• 17:34
  You mean the little vulnerable 5 year old?
• 17:37
  Yeah, I looked at her and went, You're needy.
• 17:40
  I don't know what to do with you.
• 17:41
  You stay here, I'll come back. And I didn't come back till I
• 17:44
  was in my late 40s. OK, wait a second.
• 17:46
  Now you're talking about the little you.
• 17:48
  I'm talking about dissociative identity disorder, but it would
• 17:50
  not have met the minimum bar to be diagnosed.
• 17:55
  It wasn't causing problems professionally, relationally,
• 17:59
  socially, it wasn't. It wasn't creating problems.
• 18:02
  But there was a little girl part that I left in the barn.
• 18:06
  OK, I just started learning about that little girl girl part
• 18:11
  not in probably in the last decade.
• 18:15
  We're we're close to the same age.
• 18:16
  And when I was living in the UK and found myself in therapy and
• 18:22
  my therapist would say, listen to the needs of the little you,
• 18:26
  I was like, who is she? And do we need to kill her?
• 18:30
  Like, I was like, she doesn't sound very helpful.
• 18:32
  You, you said she was needy and vulnerable, right?
• 18:35
  The little you, I felt that way about her.
• 18:37
  Like she doesn't sound like you're like, I got I'm on my own
• 18:40
  here. I got to get this life together.
• 18:42
  And you're, you're going to hold me back.
• 18:45
  Your your neediness is going to hold me back, right?
• 18:47
  And it's up to me now, right? And so you left that little girl
• 18:51
  in the barn. And yeah, I had to meet that
• 18:54
  little girl for the first time, you know, in my, I think I was
• 18:57
  almost 50 when I met that little girl.
• 18:58
  I. Really didn't know I I, I didn't
• 19:03
  have language for it, right? And it wasn't.
• 19:07
  It actually wasn't until I read Janelle Holman's book.
• 19:10
  Oh, the heart of female same sex attraction.
• 19:13
  Yes, which that is a brilliant book.
• 19:17
  That book, it was like this girl's reading my mail.
• 19:20
  Oh, that could. I mean, that book is explains it
• 19:23
  better than anybody I've ever seen.
• 19:24
  Yeah, and it was, it was when I was reading that book and I
• 19:27
  went, that little girl, she's still in the barn.
• 19:32
  Oh, wow, that book made you realize that.
• 19:35
  Yeah. No kidding.
• 19:37
  Yeah. But that's how I landed into
• 19:40
  homosexuality, because I never let my mom have another chance,
• 19:43
  never connected with my mom. I straight armed her, OK?
• 19:46
  Hold on a second. You're five years old.
• 19:48
  You leave your little girl in the barn.
• 19:49
  Your life is all up to you now, and just because of that, you're
• 19:53
  gay. Because I'm struggling there's
• 19:54
  I'm missing something. So I never connected with my
• 19:57
  mom. Oh, OK, so that same sex parent.
• 20:00
  Right. I never connected with her.
• 20:02
  I, I took she was depressed. She I I was, you know, I was the
• 20:07
  the caboose of the family, my. Meaning the youngest.
• 20:10
  And my mom and dad had been married 25 years when he passed.
• 20:16
  Oh, wow, right. So you were they were older when
• 20:20
  they had you? Right, right.
• 20:22
  And so I never gave Mom another chance.
• 20:24
  I took. I interpreted her depression as
• 20:27
  rejection. Sure.
• 20:28
  I'm not going to go stand in line for another dose.
• 20:30
  Thank you. I think.
• 20:32
  I think Henry Cloud says children are the best recorders
• 20:36
  of information, but the worst interpreters.
• 20:38
  Yeah, isn't that the truth? Right, because something happens
• 20:41
  and we think children think it's their fault.
• 20:43
  Right. And there's a There's a
• 20:44
  difference between fact and truth, right?
• 20:48
  The fact is my dad died. The fact is my mom went into
• 20:52
  depression. But the truth is my dad had a
• 20:55
  heart attack. And the truth is my mom was just
• 20:59
  trying to figure out how to continue going forward after my
• 21:03
  dad passed. In fact, you know, we were
• 21:07
  talking earlier and and there was a professor at at Palm Beach
• 21:11
  Atlantic, Dr. Burkler, who did a healing of memories.
• 21:14
  And in this healing memory, you're supposed to bring a
• 21:17
  painful memory and a calm, safe place.
• 21:20
  And my memory was of waking up at night terrified of the dark.
• 21:28
  Apparently I was legendarily difficult to put to bed because
• 21:31
  there were alligators that lived under my bed and bears that
• 21:34
  lived in a closet at the foot of my bed.
• 21:35
  You. Had a great imagination.
• 21:38
  Well I wake up in the middle of the night.
• 21:40
  I am terrified. I I must have seen this on the
• 21:43
  cartoons. I dumped my pillow out of my
• 21:46
  pillowcase. I get into my pillowcase scoop,
• 21:49
  scoop, scoop, scoop scoop into my mom and dad's room.
• 21:51
  My dad was still alive and my mom says go back to bed, don't
• 21:56
  wake your dad up because he started having heart attacks
• 21:58
  when I was 3 and he had like 5 and and I'm terrified 'cause I'm
• 22:04
  going. I had an advantage when I could
• 22:06
  run and jump off the bed. I'll never get back alive and so
• 22:10
  I. Never get back to your room
• 22:11
  alive, Yeah. Wow.
• 22:14
  And so I go into the living room where my calm, safe place was.
• 22:18
  We had this massive rocker that was so big that I could and I
• 22:22
  was tiny. I could lay down and rock myself
• 22:25
  with one foot. Right.
• 22:26
  OK, yeah. And and the the intervention
• 22:30
  says, well, look around because Scripture says that God will
• 22:33
  never, never, never leave the. Intervention that you were
• 22:37
  talking about, you were describing when you're getting
• 22:39
  your masters and counseling the intervention of.
• 22:41
  It was called a healing of memories, right?
• 22:43
  OK. And Doctor Berkler is mediating.
• 22:45
  And he goes, God will never leave you, forsake you.
• 22:47
  He's there. And I look around and I don't, I
• 22:51
  didn't know at the time, but Holy Spirit often mediates the
• 22:54
  mother heart of God. Holy Spirit comes, picks me up
• 22:57
  in that rocking chair, begins to stroke my hair and I'm already
• 23:01
  falling apart. I'm like, I, I thought that this
• 23:04
  was AII thought this was a stupid thing to bring.
• 23:09
  Like I was not going to bring a big ticket item.
• 23:12
  Oh, you mean when he says think of something?
• 23:14
  Yeah. Were you going to like, just
• 23:15
  play small? Yeah, I was going to play small.
• 23:18
  And God just blows it up because Holy Spirit comes and says, I'm
• 23:22
  so sorry your mom wasn't there for you after your dad died.
• 23:26
  And I'm going blink, blink because mom never worked outside
• 23:29
  the house after dad passed. And then Holy Spirit says, I'm
• 23:33
  so sorry you took her depression as rejection.
• 23:38
  Nobody had ever said that to me before.
• 23:40
  Nobody ever mentioned it to me more.
• 23:41
  And then Holy Spirit says, I'm so sorry.
• 23:44
  She was just trying not to suicide.
• 23:48
  Oh. And it shifted something in my
• 23:53
  connection because up until that time, you know, the
• 23:56
  homosexuality for me was emotional dependency.
• 24:00
  And up until that time, I knew I, I, I did not have the
• 24:04
  language for it then, but I knew that I connected with people in
• 24:08
  kind of a weird way. And it wasn't healthy.
• 24:10
  And I always likened it to walking a big dog.
• 24:13
  You know how you see somebody walking a Great Dane?
• 24:15
  Well, really, the dog is walking the person.
• 24:17
  Let's let's get real. Right.
• 24:18
  The person's leaning back, going, oh, please don't drag me,
• 24:21
  you know? Because what would that look
• 24:23
  like? And that probably wouldn't feel
• 24:24
  good, right? Right.
• 24:25
  Yeah. And so, and so the next morning
• 24:28
  I get up and then we had this long hallway and I would get up
• 24:31
  early in the dark, walk down the hallway so I don't wake people
• 24:33
  up. And I'm bumping into the wall.
• 24:36
  And my mom passed eventually because she began having many
• 24:41
  strokes and the first things that affected was her
• 24:44
  equilibrium. And I, I'm walking down the
• 24:46
  hall, bumping into the wall going, oh, wow, what is this
• 24:50
  God? And the Lord says the big dog is
• 24:53
  gone. The Lord healed that emotional
• 24:58
  dependency and I have not struggled with same sex
• 25:02
  attraction since. I struggled with it for 30 years
• 25:07
  after I got saved. OK, I was going to say, but also
• 25:09
  I don't think you acted out for 30 years because in somewhere in
• 25:12
  there you got married and had three kids.
• 25:13
  Right. I didn't act on it, but I
• 25:15
  struggled with it like you had. Feelings.
• 25:17
  Yeah, and I'm going. God, how long do I have to reap
• 25:20
  what I sow? I only lived the life five
• 25:22
  years. I'm 30 years in.
• 25:23
  And you're still struggling. So you were actively homosexual
• 25:26
  for five years, became a Christian, and then it was still
• 25:30
  30 more years of residue, as our friend Cy Rogers would say.
• 25:34
  Yeah, but but there's a guy named Jack Frost.
• 25:38
  Oh I love. Him come on, who did a series
• 25:41
  called Experiencing the Father's Embrace and and he said
• 25:50
  developmental unmet developmental needs block growth
• 25:55
  and maturity. 0100. Percent.
• 25:58
  Those developmental needs are met, then growth and maturity.
• 26:04
  Happen. Happens.
• 26:05
  Yeah. And that Holy Spirit meeting me
• 26:10
  met that developmental need that had never been met of connecting
• 26:14
  with the mother heart of God and emotional dependency was gone.
• 26:20
  Like that same sex attraction issues gone.
• 26:23
  Because you're same sex attractions were rooted in
• 26:26
  emotional dependency, right? OK.
• 26:28
  Right. But bringing it to the present,
• 26:32
  I am really good at what I do, working with people with
• 26:36
  profound trauma, family of origin trauma, because I have
• 26:40
  earned authority and abandonment, essentially mom and
• 26:43
  dad lost in the same day. I have earned authority with
• 26:47
  addictions, drugs and alcohol. I have earned authority with
• 26:50
  sexual sin, with shame. I have earned authority with
• 26:53
  domestic violence that happened later in life.
• 26:56
  I have earned authority in all of these areas that they are
• 27:01
  struggling with that have hamstrung them.
• 27:05
  God is God has worked in my life so that it's not just words.
• 27:14
  I've been there. I I get it, I really do and they
• 27:18
  know it. Remember where where it says in
• 27:19
  Scripture that Jesus spoke as one with authority, unlike the
• 27:24
  scribes and the Pharisees, right?
• 27:26
  And so when I'm talking to them about.
• 27:28
  To the girls at the pop up. To the girls at the pop up or
• 27:31
  the girls that I'm working with therapeutically as a, as a
• 27:33
  therapist, they, they know, they hear.
• 27:38
  I heard a guy say it's not tears in your eyes.
• 27:43
  You can fake those. It's tears in your voice.
• 27:47
  They they hear your empathy, Yeah.
• 27:50
  They hear that earned authority. I was also thinking of several
• 27:55
  scripture came to mind when you were talking about the earned
• 27:57
  authority and like the pain that you've walked through.
• 28:00
  For example, Joseph in Genesis, where it says, you know, his
• 28:04
  brothers, they were afraid he was going to kill their
• 28:10
  brothers, right, Right. They were afraid of of
• 28:13
  retaliation. And Jacob died, right?
• 28:15
  Yeah, yeah. Once his dad died.
• 28:17
  And Joseph said what you meant, you meant for evil.
• 28:22
  Well, even you or Satan of both, right.
• 28:25
  The brothers meant for evil. God turned around for good.
• 28:28
  God meant for good to the saving of many.
• 28:30
  Lives, Yeah. And I look at my life and I'm
• 28:32
  going well, you know, wow. Like God must have known exactly
• 28:36
  what he created me to do because my entire life story leads up to
• 28:42
  the earned authority that I have to do exactly what I'm doing
• 28:44
  now. Well, and the other scripture I
• 28:46
  thought of was Ephesians 210. You know, it's a classic.
• 28:50
  You know that you're his workmanship and another
• 28:52
  translation says masterpiece that you were for we are his
• 28:57
  workmanship create in Christ Jesus to do good works which he
• 29:01
  prepared beforehand that you should walk in them.
• 29:03
  So he had an idea when he made you, and he put gifts and
• 29:07
  talents and abilities and skills and empathy and all of that in
• 29:10
  you, that because there's good works for you to do.
• 29:14
  So now you're doing the good work, you know?
• 29:16
  And and Romans 8, right? He makes all things all things,
• 29:20
  even my dad. I mean, my dad passed and we
• 29:23
  were really poor. I mean, my mom was too proud to
• 29:28
  apply for food stamps, but we would qualify for food stamps.
• 29:31
  I can remember times where, you know, mom would say we don't
• 29:34
  have the money, you know, for new shoes or whatever.
• 29:36
  OK, I thought you were going to say for food.
• 29:38
  Well, I remember times where mom didn't eat and I remember
• 29:41
  looking at the table and there's a plate for Bill, my brother,
• 29:45
  Susan, my sister and me, and she's the And she goes, oh, I'm
• 29:47
  not hungry. And I remember looking at the
• 29:49
  table going, because money was that tight.
• 29:55
  And so you look at that and you go, wow, God, you can use even
• 29:58
  that. You can use my insanity.
• 30:00
  I mean, I used to hitchhike all around the United States alone.
• 30:04
  Yeah, the 70s, I guess, or 80s. Yeah, but dumb, you know?
• 30:07
  Did bad things happen? Oh, yeah, right.
• 30:09
  I know about rape, right? That's something else I forgot.
• 30:11
  I, I you know, I know about all this stuff.
• 30:14
  I've been there. And God, it's not the script I
• 30:20
  would have written. The script of your life.
• 30:23
  Yeah, it's not a script. I would have jumped up and down.
• 30:25
  Yeah, I'd love to play the lead character.
• 30:27
  In that movie. Yeah, but God has no kidding
• 30:32
  made it all work together for my good.
• 30:35
  I can look back now and go, God thank you.
• 30:39
  I mean it's not the script I would have written, but wow you
• 30:41
  did an amazing job. But sounds like he flipped the
• 30:44
  script, you know, you know, like in terms of taking all that and
• 30:48
  then flipped it to the point where now you're able to have
• 30:52
  such a ministry to these these women.
• 30:55
  Yeah. I'm curious what would be the
• 30:57
  age range of the women we're talking about that go to the pop
• 30:59
  up that are struggling, that are caught up in sex trafficking?
• 31:02
  From 18, you know, if they're underage minors and they're on
• 31:08
  the street, this, you know, the cops will pick them up and and
• 31:11
  then they'll, you know, put them in foster care or whatever.
• 31:14
  But from 18 to I've had one time I went to court first appearance
• 31:19
  with a GAL and I was actually there with another woman.
• 31:23
  But this other girl had been arrested and she was, I think
• 31:28
  she was 64 and that was her 28th arrest for prostitution, 28.
• 31:38
  Tell me why you go to court. Because if I if they will opt
• 31:44
  for this I I run a diversion program.
• 31:46
  Oh, part of the ministry you do, right.
• 31:48
  OK, So it's not just a pop up. You got other app, other facets
• 31:51
  right of your ministry. Go ahead.
• 31:52
  Right. So we run a diversion program.
• 31:53
  So if you're arrested for misdemeanor charges if you take
• 31:56
  this class. Misdemeanor prostitution.
• 31:59
  Misdemeanor prostitution charges OK and but it's it's for it's
• 32:02
  for buyers and sellers. We charge the buyers because you
• 32:07
  can't catch a misdemeanor charge unless you have money, right?
• 32:11
  That's all right. So we charge the buyers.
• 32:14
  Wait, the meaning they have to pay to take the class?
• 32:16
  They have to pay to take the class, but they had money when
• 32:18
  they got the charges. Right, so wait.
• 32:21
  Also, is this class mandated by the state?
• 32:24
  It's not mandated, but if you take it, if you get a
• 32:26
  misdemeanor and you take the class sexually transmitted
• 32:29
  infections, testing and court fees, it'll take it off your
• 32:33
  record. Oh, so it's a way to not be
• 32:36
  branded a criminal? Right.
• 32:39
  It's a, it's a way that if you, you know, if you apply for a job
• 32:42
  or housing or whatever and someone does a.
• 32:44
  You don't have a background, right?
• 32:46
  You have a clear background. Right.
• 32:47
  And so I'll go with women to go, hey, you know, take this class.
• 32:51
  It's free for the for the sellers we provide it.
• 32:54
  And it's not not all women. So you're ministering to people
• 32:57
  who solicit prostitutes as well as the people who are
• 33:00
  prostituting themselves. Both sides of the have the
• 33:02
  opportunity for a diversion class, right?
• 33:04
  OK. And you your your ministry
• 33:07
  facilitates the class. Yes.
• 33:09
  Wow. Yeah, in in conjunction with the
• 33:11
  State Attorney's Office. No kidding.
• 33:13
  Yeah, that's powerful. Yeah.
• 33:16
  I cannot imagine. We're actually scrambling to try
• 33:21
  to get them to let us to take it to the jail because if a woman,
• 33:25
  even if it's a misdemeanor charge, if she has fit previous
• 33:28
  charges for either drug offenses or failure to appears in court,
• 33:32
  they will not release them on their own recognizance.
• 33:35
  They'll take him to jail. And in jail, pretty good odds
• 33:40
  that they're sober. Oh, see what you'd rather teach
• 33:44
  the class in jail because they don't have access to substance
• 33:48
  abuse to. And if they come back out or if
• 33:51
  they're released on their own recognizance, the trafficker
• 33:55
  doesn't care if they have charges.
• 33:56
  In fact, it makes it easier for him to control them.
• 33:59
  Oh, that hurts. They can't get jobs very easily.
• 34:03
  Right. And they know that, right, don't
• 34:05
  they? Right.
• 34:06
  So he it probably hangs it holds it over their head like.
• 34:09
  Yeah, he's not going to. He's not going to facilitate.
• 34:11
  He's not going to. Oh, you want the morning off or
• 34:13
  the whole day off to take this class?
• 34:15
  Not happening. I'm sorry but these sound like
• 34:18
  really evil people. You know, they're busted, just
• 34:22
  like the women and. You have compassion on the
• 34:25
  trafficker you. Can throw the guys under the
• 34:28
  bus, but at the same time the women have survived my
• 34:31
  manipulation, you know, so there's there's error on both
• 34:35
  sides. We actually had a trafficker
• 34:37
  come to one of the pop ups to. Get his laundry done.
• 34:41
  He was coming to check us out. OK.
• 34:43
  And I'm setting up the tent and he comes over and he's got his
• 34:46
  arm in a cast. He goes here, let me help.
• 34:48
  And I'm going, oh, no, no, I'm good, I'm good.
• 34:49
  You know, you got your arm in a cast.
• 34:50
  Did. You know, he's a trafficker,
• 34:52
  Yeah. Oh, OK.
• 34:53
  Yeah, he runs 3 gals and he was come to check us out.
• 34:55
  Oh my goodness. And so he helps me set up the
• 34:58
  tent, you know, I'm like, and I put chairs out and he parks in a
• 35:02
  chair and he goes, I think I'm going to sit here I go.
• 35:04
  You got way too much facial hair.
• 35:07
  I'm you know you're. Trying to minister to women.
• 35:09
  I'm trying to shoo him away, right?
• 35:10
  And he goes, no, I think I'll sit here and I'm going.
• 35:13
  You know, at first I was annoyed and then I went, wait a minute,
• 35:18
  this guy runs three gals on the street if I can convert him.
• 35:24
  Like if he gets saved, 3 gals are free, four people him and
• 35:28
  three more oh. Yeah.
• 35:29
  And so then I'm talking to him. I'm going he's, he's a, he's a,
• 35:31
  a, a vet. He's AI think he served in Iraq.
• 35:36
  He's a he's a vet. So he's he, you said they're
• 35:38
  busted. These are wounded people.
• 35:40
  Yeah, yeah. And I'm talking to him.
• 35:42
  I'm going you know God has something for your life that has
• 35:46
  eternal value and significance. You said that to him, OK, And he
• 35:49
  goes. Me and God, we're not on real
• 35:51
  great terms, I said. God's on great terms with you.
• 35:55
  Wow, look at you. And right at that time, the
• 35:58
  church where I'm going, Mike and Kelly Olive, pastor Common
• 36:02
  Ground Church in in Lake Worth the the the one time they come
• 36:06
  to visit the pop up, they drive up and they walk up and I'm
• 36:08
  going. Mike sick.
• 36:10
  I'm going. And so Mike spent the next half
• 36:13
  hour talking with this guy. The next week I come back, the
• 36:16
  same guy is there, but he's holding back.
• 36:20
  You know, I'm sitting at the chair in the chairs and he's not
• 36:21
  coming. He's like on the edge of the
• 36:23
  park. He's not coming towards me.
• 36:25
  And so I'm going back and forth, you know, and he catches me when
• 36:28
  it's just me and he goes, you know, I'm getting off the
• 36:31
  street. What?
• 36:33
  And I have not seen him on the street.
• 36:36
  Yeah, Yeah. That's.
• 36:39
  That is cool. Yeah.
• 36:41
  What happened to the three girls?
• 36:42
  They're still out on the street. They have different traffickers
• 36:45
  now. No, I know one guy leaves and
• 36:49
  somebody else steps up to take their place.
• 36:51
  Yeah, wow, what a ministry, Becky.
• 36:56
  It's a it's kind of a wild ride. I can only imagine.
• 37:00
  So it's the version, it's pop ups.
• 37:03
  Are there other elements of it? I'm a licensed mental health
• 37:05
  counselor, so I work with them, you know, working through trauma
• 37:09
  and you know, what land did you hear and that kind of.
• 37:12
  Stuff. So you go look at the roots.
• 37:14
  Yeah, Yeah. OK.
• 37:16
  What about? I think you said if there's, I
• 37:20
  forget how you say it, something about I have tools that are.
• 37:24
  Oh right, I'll tell them I have secular tools that work.
• 37:27
  Meaning like these are the the the mental health interventions
• 37:31
  let's. Say like cognitive behavioral
• 37:32
  therapy, you know the the standard stuff.
• 37:35
  I have secular tools at work. I have spiritual tools that a
• 37:38
  lot of times you can skip steps. Meaning we're going to get you
• 37:41
  there. Faster, Yeah.
• 37:42
  And almost everybody goes, oh, let's, let's try that.
• 37:46
  Skip the secular tools. Well, we use both because
• 37:50
  there's wounds to their spirit, there's wounds to their soul,
• 37:54
  right? It's mind, will and emotions and
• 37:56
  spirit. And so, you know, you're going
• 37:59
  to have to touch on all of that. It's it's a restoration involves
• 38:03
  all of that because it's who we are.
• 38:09
  Where do you start with somebody like?
• 38:13
  I start with building rapport. OK.
• 38:19
  Right, they, they really have no good reason to trust me.
• 38:25
  And so I start with just, you know, there's zero shame, right?
• 38:33
  We all make mistakes, right? And I, I start very often, I'll
• 38:37
  start with that healing of memories because, you know, it's
• 38:41
  one thing if I tell them God loves them, but if God tells
• 38:45
  them that sticks. So you're teaching them how to
• 38:49
  hear God. And teaching them how to receive
• 38:53
  right when Jesus, when Jesus went to wash his disciples feet,
• 38:57
  Peter goes, whoa, not mine. You know, I need to wash yours.
• 39:00
  And, and Jesus says, unless you let me serve you, you have no
• 39:06
  part of me. And so many of these women, you
• 39:10
  know, so many people, not just these gals that I'm working
• 39:12
  with, so many people have no idea how to receive.
• 39:16
  That is fascinating. I can't if I build with my own
• 39:23
  resources. I'm using wood, hay and stubble.
• 39:27
  OK. If I build with the resources I
• 39:30
  receive from God, if I allow God to resource me, I can build with
• 39:35
  gold, silver, and precious stones.
• 39:40
  That makes sense. So, but I would imagine every
• 39:45
  girl has a different story. And so you're, are you always
• 39:48
  like, I mean, do you feel overwhelmed with the, with the
• 39:51
  need of the, the people that you're ministering to?
• 39:54
  You know, I don't. I think it must be grace, but
• 39:59
  when I first was meeting with clients at Palm Beach Atlantic,
• 40:03
  they had me start working with the students there.
• 40:05
  Oh, in the counseling department, right.
• 40:07
  OK. So you were, you were on.
• 40:09
  I don't know. I was on.
• 40:10
  Staff they were. It was slave labor.
• 40:13
  What is this to get your hours or something?
• 40:15
  OK, got it. Yeah.
• 40:16
  And there was this, there was this time where I'm going, God,
• 40:19
  I am. I am like red ink, empty set.
• 40:23
  Where are you? I don't have what these people
• 40:26
  need. The students that you're
• 40:27
  ministering. To Yeah, OK.
• 40:29
  And the Lord says you bring the loaves and fishes.
• 40:32
  And it was like he was going, You bring the resources that you
• 40:37
  have. Bring whatever you have.
• 40:38
  And I will multiply them to make them adequate.
• 40:42
  That is so bridge. That's really good.
• 40:47
  And so I, I, you know, I, I love them.
• 40:52
  I care. They know that, they know that,
• 40:57
  you know, that I'm not going to lecture them or pressure them to
• 40:59
  receive Christ or whatever. I just love them.
• 41:03
  And that opens all kinds of doors.
• 41:07
  If, if I know someone loves me, I can hear hard things because
• 41:13
  they got no good reason to hurt me, right?
• 41:17
  I think I I mentioned Sandy, this gal that took me in when I
• 41:20
  when I was. When you were 20.
• 41:22
  Yeah, when I was in high school, my best friend was a horse.
• 41:24
  OK, so that tells you something about my social skills.
• 41:26
  All right? And I come to faith and I am, I
• 41:32
  am. To say I was clumsy socially
• 41:34
  would be a gross exaggeration. I was way worse than clumsy and.
• 41:39
  She was introverted. Totally afraid of people.
• 41:42
  I was terrified. OK.
• 41:45
  And, and she would tell me, oh, you know, you interrupted that
• 41:49
  person or, you know, whatever it was, I did 100 different things
• 41:53
  probably. And she would correct me.
• 41:54
  And I would feel my face flush, my ears would turn red.
• 41:58
  And I've gone, I'm going for a walk, you know, and I would, I
• 42:01
  would go, I would want to be defensive, but I would have to
• 42:06
  come back to, I know she genuinely cares for me and she
• 42:11
  has no motive to hurt me. So that means somehow I have to
• 42:16
  hear what she had to say as being for my good.
• 42:19
  And I would calm myself down. I would go back and, you know,
• 42:23
  think through what she told me and be able to incorporate it
• 42:28
  because I knew that she loved me.
• 42:32
  You were able to accept the feedback?
• 42:34
  Yeah. Because you had there was trust
• 42:36
  and love. Yeah, right.
• 42:38
  OK. And I think that's what I do
• 42:40
  with the gals. Is love them, build trust.
• 42:44
  Yeah. And able to offer feedback,
• 42:46
  Yeah, and even healing opportunities, I would say,
• 42:50
  right. What are some of the other?
• 42:52
  Can you share some of the You said I have secular tools that
• 42:55
  that work, but if we do, I have spiritual tools, we can skip
• 42:58
  some steps. Can you tell me some of the
• 43:00
  spiritual tools? Besides, you already mentioned
• 43:02
  the one which is the. Healing of memories.
• 43:04
  Healing of memories, Yeah. What are some of the And by the
• 43:06
  way, do we call this inner healing, basically what you're
• 43:09
  talking about? Yeah.
• 43:11
  Can you? Give me definition for inner
• 43:12
  healing because I don't know how to describe that.
• 43:17
  You know, if it was about education, there wouldn't be any
• 43:25
  problems at all. But it's more than education.
• 43:30
  Meaning, OK, yeah, we're not just trying to talk to you and
• 43:32
  give you some knowledge, right? OK.
• 43:34
  It's like soul care. Yeah, because, because for
• 43:38
  example, the weird things, I do have an explanation.
• 43:46
  OK, so, so scripture says it's the glory of God to conceal a
• 43:49
  matter. It's the glory of kings to
• 43:51
  search it out. So what I do in my own life and
• 43:53
  I, you know, I can give you guided tours of most of the
• 43:55
  mistakes you can make. And so in my own life, I keep an
• 43:59
  eye on my rearview mirror. And when something goes down and
• 44:03
  I respond poorly, I tell people if you have a 10 scale,
• 44:06
  something comes in at a 5 and you respond at A8 or A2.
• 44:12
  You overreact or. Underreact.
• 44:15
  OK, it says there is something there that's unresolved.
• 44:19
  All right, Cy Rogers and I had a, had a, we had a little
• 44:21
  acronym for that. What's that?
• 44:24
  I've never said this before, but it was our little thing.
• 44:28
  So I was my mentor in ministry. You know him and or knew him and
• 44:33
  DPR. I had a DPRA disproportionate
• 44:37
  reaction. There you go.
• 44:38
  Yeah. Because I knew whatever it was
• 44:40
  wasn't that big a deal, but man, was my reaction over the top,
• 44:44
  right? One one year I was I was doing
• 44:47
  scenery for a theater group, and I ran my thumb through a table
• 44:51
  sock. Don't do that.
• 44:52
  That's not smart. But I spent the next however
• 44:54
  many weeks going don't bump it, don't bump it, don't bump it
• 44:57
  right. And you could see I don't had
• 44:59
  had bandages over it and everything and you know, it was
• 45:02
  messy. But when I have an internal
• 45:04
  wound, it's not visible. Yeah, like the bandages, but I
• 45:10
  overreact or under react and then I'm going OK, God, why
• 45:15
  where that came from someplace it's not random.
• 45:18
  OK, so you're saying you said you you started this by saying
• 45:20
  I'm looking in the rearview mirror, like in my own life.
• 45:24
  Yeah, like, like I'm looking to see.
• 45:27
  Did I under or overreact? To every single thing or how
• 45:30
  does this work? Whenever I under or oh, it's
• 45:32
  harder to see under reaction, 'cause it's, you know, it's the
• 45:35
  absence, right? It's easier to see overreaction.
• 45:38
  Yeah, that makes more sense, yes.
• 45:40
  And so when I see that I overreact, it's like that means
• 45:43
  there's a sore spot there very often a lie that I believed
• 45:47
  about me, about God, or about others all.
• 45:51
  Right. So it's.
• 45:52
  It's simple. It's not, you know, 19
• 45:54
  different. Options.
• 45:55
  I feel like in modern vernacular we would say you were triggered.
• 46:00
  Yes. Although I do think that word
• 46:02
  that that that is overplayed the whole.
• 46:05
  Triggering thing, it's still under or overreacting, right?
• 46:09
  It it elicited an inappropriate response and it came from
• 46:13
  someplace. So I'll give you an example.
• 46:17
  Go ahead. I want to hear it so I can.
• 46:19
  Don't play small either, by the way.
• 46:22
  Give me one, lay it on me. So, so I am working with
• 46:27
  students at Palm Beach Atlantic and it was another time where I
• 46:29
  was bankrupt, right? I had gone to one of my.
• 46:32
  Meaning, OK, bankrupt, not obviously financially, but more
• 46:36
  emotionally you're trying to help.
• 46:38
  Them I was seeing students that afternoon and I was just going
• 46:41
  empty set. I got nothing.
• 46:43
  So I go to see one of my supervisors and she didn't have
• 46:46
  anything for me either. I'm going, that's not helpful.
• 46:49
  And I'm going, God, you're the one that said you would multiply
• 46:53
  whatever I had to make it adequate.
• 46:55
  I cannot find you. I don't have any resources for
• 46:57
  these people that I'm going to see this afternoon.
• 47:00
  Where are you? You're leaving me stranded here,
• 47:02
  God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 47:03
  And this memory comes to mind, which is kind of funny memory.
• 47:08
  My mom was an amazing seamstress and I was a wannabe.
• 47:11
  Oh, OK. Interesting, my mom had found
• 47:14
  out that I had a female lover and things were a little crunchy
• 47:19
  between us to say she. Was she was displeased?
• 47:22
  Displeased, hurt. You know, I think she blamed
• 47:26
  herself. Was she a godly woman?
• 47:28
  Is that part of it or what? She she loved God, you know, she
• 47:31
  didn't have the relationship. You know that that I have.
• 47:36
  She didn't. It was, I think she think,
• 47:39
  think, thought God was mad at her, you know?
• 47:41
  So was I don't. Know OK anyway, OK, so I, I, I,
• 47:45
  I was going to make a Christmas gift for this girlfriend.
• 47:50
  Oh, right. And my mom goes with me to pick
• 47:54
  out the cloth and the pattern. So I pick out this gorgeous
• 47:57
  green cloth and she's opening the Butterick book, the
• 48:00
  Simplicity book, which generally have pretty simple patterns.
• 48:03
  But Oh no, I pick a Vogue pattern.
• 48:07
  It's a man's dress shirt. It has collar stays, it has like
• 48:10
  40 something pieces. And my mom's going don't do it,
• 48:13
  don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, but.
• 48:16
  Knucklehead. So you're the overachiever and
• 48:19
  you wanted to take it on? Yep.
• 48:21
  And so we take it home. I have it all cut out.
• 48:23
  I am working on the shirt and I have taken the collar out and
• 48:27
  reinstalled it three times and it's still not right.
• 48:30
  My mom comes into the room and I am going, yay, mom, would you do
• 48:34
  this collar for me? But she takes one look at me and
• 48:37
  she goes, I think she's going to blow.
• 48:40
  And she goes, I'm going down to the barn.
• 48:43
  I really didn't blame her. I was so mad.
• 48:45
  I was about ready to throw the sewing machine out the window.
• 48:48
  And she split. And this is the memory that the
• 48:50
  Lord brings to mind. And I'm going, what?
• 48:54
  And. Right.
• 48:55
  Yeah. And it was like, oh, at a moment
• 48:58
  of felt need. Right I need I need help to get
• 49:03
  something done. Yeah, she split and I am totally
• 49:06
  expecting God to do the same, right?
• 49:11
  God created us in his image. We quickly returned the favor.
• 49:15
  We create Him in the image very often of our parents, right?
• 49:19
  That is so wait, I'm sorry you got to go back over that again
• 49:22
  because that's so profound. God made us in his image and we
• 49:26
  click quickly returned the favor.
• 49:28
  And recreate him in a human image.
• 49:32
  Which is fallen and not accurate at all, right?
• 49:35
  Yeah. That's that wasn't a good idea
• 49:38
  to return the favor, right, Right.
• 49:39
  And so I I go back, Scripture says honor your mother and
• 49:43
  father. Things will go well with you.
• 49:45
  You'll live long. So I realized I had dishonored
• 49:47
  my mom by saying she split right when I needed her because
• 49:52
  officially I got the shirt together and it turned out
• 49:55
  really great. And she was probably right to
• 49:58
  leave me to do it, to learn how to do it right.
• 50:01
  She was very good at letting me struggle through, you know,
• 50:04
  appropriately. I see.
• 50:05
  I didn't know if she didn't want to help you because it was for
• 50:07
  your girlfriend. Probably there was a whole mix
• 50:10
  of things, but my interpretation is right when I need it or she
• 50:13
  split right so I forgive her. I didn't blame her.
• 50:18
  There really was curls of smoke coming out my ears.
• 50:20
  I'm sure I was, I was. I was beside myself.
• 50:24
  Definite overreaction there. Well, extreme frustration
• 50:28
  anyway. So I forgive her.
• 50:29
  I break any judgments I gave made against her.
• 50:32
  I repent for projecting that on to God.
• 50:36
  And his presence comes and I'm able to meet with the students
• 50:40
  that afternoon and everything's good.
• 50:42
  So are you this process that you just described, are you taking
• 50:45
  yourself to it or somebody else facilitating that?
• 50:49
  I am taking myself through it at that point.
• 50:51
  At that point, I recognized that I was something.
• 50:55
  There was a reason why I'm unable to receive from God.
• 50:59
  Yeah. And that God wants us to ask
• 51:02
  questions. OK, God wants us to go.
• 51:04
  No kidding. God, what's going on?
• 51:06
  Help me. I was laughing.
• 51:08
  I was thinking about where a time where I overreacted.
• 51:11
  Yeah, yeah, I mentioned therapy. When I lived in the UK just a
• 51:16
  few years ago. There's this thing that the the
• 51:19
  English don't use it, but I had, I had one of these that I think
• 51:23
  my sister gave it to me. It's this little brown thing.
• 51:26
  It's flat and plastic and use it to scrape your pots.
• 51:29
  Yes, yeah. And I, I I don't know if that's
• 51:32
  what it's called, a pot scraper? I'm not really sure.
• 51:34
  I tried to get one over there. Sorry I'm laughing, but I
• 51:37
  ordered one on Amazon, but it just was terrible.
• 51:40
  Like it just didn't. I don't know why the English
• 51:42
  can't make a decent pot scraper. OK, so I so I asked my sister.
• 51:47
  I said, listen, can you send me one of those pampered chef pot
• 51:51
  scrapers? Because that was that one was
• 51:52
  amazing, right? I don't know what it is now.
• 51:55
  I don't sell pampered Chef. So it's not about I'm trying to
• 51:58
  get, you know, whatever, like. Business or whatever.
• 52:03
  Yeah, that's a Commission for mentioning it, But so she sends
• 52:07
  it took a while because she's in the States.
• 52:10
  Yeah. And she got to order it first
• 52:11
  and then send it across the pond.
• 52:14
  So then it's in the kitchen. So I lived in a house on campus
• 52:17
  with 12 people. Right.
• 52:19
  And it was always there, you know, and it was great.
• 52:24
  It was fabulous. Life was good.
• 52:25
  And then one day, I don't know, but it wasn't there anymore and
• 52:29
  I lost my mind because and I'm asking people in the house what
• 52:34
  happened to it and they don't even know what it is, right?
• 52:38
  I think, I think somebody threw it away, right?
• 52:42
  Because it, you don't know what it is.
• 52:44
  It's just a little brown plastic thing, right?
• 52:47
  Well, I remember being in therapy and just going off
• 52:50
  because and I basically said I felt violated because my pot
• 52:55
  scraper disappeared. It's a pretty severe and how
• 53:00
  did. You respond.
• 53:01
  How did you work through it? I don't think I have yet.
• 53:06
  So I worked through it by ordering some more of these and
• 53:09
  getting some more. So I want to ask you, I know you
• 53:13
  want to unpack this more with me, right?
• 53:15
  I, I'm feeling it. I'm feeling the therapy hat
• 53:17
  coming on. I'm actually I feel my face
• 53:21
  getting red too. Would you like to move on?
• 53:25
  Yeah. I mean, I don't know if that I'm
• 53:27
  going to let you do therapy on, you know, in the middle on
• 53:31
  camera. Yeah, I'm trying to think.
• 53:34
  I mean, we talked about in therapy, we talked about it.
• 53:38
  I did. I really felt violated like
• 53:41
  because somebody threw my stuff away, you know what I mean?
• 53:43
  And it was important to me. I mean, it was a pot scraper,
• 53:46
  but so it's super replaceable, but it's still got to go through
• 53:48
  a process to get another one because you can't buy them in
• 53:51
  England, right? So I have to, I don't know if I
• 53:56
  can remember like what, how we resolved that.
• 54:02
  I, but I, I, I don't know if I knew right in that moment when I
• 54:06
  was overreacting, I felt really justified at my anger because
• 54:11
  because of all the steps it took to get that thing, the little
• 54:14
  pot scraper thing. And so I'm just laughing because
• 54:18
  I thought about when a friend of mine graduated and he went to go
• 54:20
  be a vicar in another part of England and I gave him one as a
• 54:23
  gift. And he's like, this is dumb, you
• 54:26
  know, like he doesn't understand what's happening.
• 54:31
  So and, but he took it, you know, to be polite and I don't
• 54:39
  know if it was like 2 months later I get a text with a
• 54:41
  picture of it and he goes this is amazing.
• 54:45
  And I felt vindicated. I felt totally vindicated.
• 54:49
  But can you talk about what does under reacting tell you?
• 54:53
  Because you said that's harder to pick up on.
• 54:55
  Is that what you said so. Under Reacting I.
• 54:59
  Mean to me it sounds like you're flat lining, but I don't know if
• 55:01
  that's right. Under reaction.
• 55:06
  OK, so you know, I, I can, I can tell my own story, right?
• 55:10
  I'm more familiar with my my story than anybody else's.
• 55:13
  So I was in a a relationship that was very difficult and for
• 55:18
  is. This like a romantic
• 55:19
  relationship? Yeah.
• 55:21
  OK, and and things what happened and my thought went to love
• 55:31
  covers a multitude of sin and I would overlook hurtful,
• 55:38
  inappropriate actions and words because love covers a multitude
• 55:46
  of sin. So you're trying to spiritualize
• 55:48
  it? Well, you know, but on the other
• 55:51
  hand, Scripture says faithful. Are the wounds of a friend There
• 55:58
  it is in scenario, yeah. Right.
• 56:00
  And so when I would, when something would happen and I
• 56:03
  wouldn't hall so so consequences are designed to educate me,
• 56:10
  right? The last speeding a ticket I got
• 56:13
  was almost $500. Why so expensive?
• 56:17
  Whole big long story. However, the end of the story is
• 56:21
  as I'm writing out all those zeros, I'm going.
• 56:23
  Becky on the on when you're paying the fine.
• 56:25
  You can't afford to do that. And I actually, it actually
• 56:28
  reformed my driving, OK. I.
• 56:31
  Don't speed like that anymore. 'Cause you're like this is not.
• 56:33
  Worth it? This is stupid, right?
• 56:35
  Good, right. And so if I if I deny someone
• 56:40
  the consequences that their choices have earned them, I am
• 56:44
  denying them the opportunity to experience the pain that's
• 56:48
  supposed to educate them. I have high retention rate for
• 56:51
  the things that cost me skin. Sure.
• 56:54
  OK. That makes perfect sense, right?
• 56:56
  So and so when I under react because I am not worth standing
• 57:00
  up for myself. See.
• 57:01
  Yes, that's where I. Am not, I am not worthy to be
• 57:05
  defended. You know, there's all kinds of
• 57:07
  language for it, but that would be under reaction, and there's a
• 57:11
  reason why I do that. That's also not healthy.
• 57:15
  Right. It's somehow invalidating to
• 57:18
  you. It's a lot of things, right?
• 57:21
  Well, I mean, it could you, you could be invalidating yourself
• 57:24
  by putting up with some behavior that is, maybe you're putting up
• 57:27
  with some dysfunction or something.
• 57:29
  Maybe somebody's being boundary less and you're just saying, OK,
• 57:33
  love covers a multitude of sins. Like, you know, you're not
• 57:35
  correcting the behavior. You're just, like, tolerating
• 57:38
  it. Yeah.
• 57:39
  And then the person keeps doing it.
• 57:40
  Yeah. Because I did not wound them.
• 57:43
  By saying what was the? That's not cool.
• 57:45
  What was the? Faithful are the the kisses of
• 57:49
  an enemy may be profuse, but faithful are the wounds of a
• 57:53
  friend. One time the Lord told me I
• 57:55
  hadn't been faithful to my husband.
• 57:56
  I'm like what? You know, like.
• 57:58
  Because you you hadn't been giving him feedback.
• 58:01
  And the Lord said faith for the wounds of a friend you have not
• 58:04
  faithfully wounded him. Another time the Lord said it
• 58:06
  would never have gotten that bad, but you shut up.
• 58:11
  Oh, so you were just taking it? Yeah.
• 58:14
  Was that out of like, you think like Christian duty or what?
• 58:16
  What do you think was happening? I didn't have boundaries.
• 58:20
  I had to learn boundaries from the ground up. 1.
• 58:26
  Of your questions was, you know, what's a boundary?
• 58:28
  I said, I don't have any, you know, like practically 0, right?
• 58:32
  But but it's it's, it's also being faithful to someone.
• 58:38
  When you give them feedback. Yeah, well.
• 58:41
  Not just feedback correction, right?
• 58:43
  Well, you it, you don't have to, you don't have to be mean, but
• 58:47
  you need to mean what you say, right?
• 58:48
  OK, so, so you, you don't have to do it with a brick bat, but
• 58:54
  you do need to do it one time. So we were always late for
• 58:56
  church. You and your family?
• 58:58
  Yeah. Your husband I.
• 59:00
  Would get myself and three children ready and he would be
• 59:03
  late. The man doesn't even have hair,
• 59:05
  you know what I mean? It's like.
• 59:06
  Well, like you're not doing your hair, Yeah.
• 59:09
  Right. And I'm chewing him, I'm we're
• 59:11
  on, you know, typical on the way to church and I am so I hate
• 59:15
  being late. I am chewing him up one side
• 59:17
  down the other. And the Lord said I'm more
• 59:20
  concerned about your lousy attitude than him being late.
• 59:23
  And I shut up. And about 15 years later, it's
• 59:29
  still happening. And the Lord said, I didn't tell
• 59:32
  you to shut up. I told you to deal with your
• 59:34
  attitude. Wow, 15 years.
• 59:41
  I am not the sharpest tool of shit.
• 59:43
  That's. So good.
• 59:48
  You know, and then I would say we're leaving for church at 8:30
• 59:51
  and if you're ready, you're welcome to come with us.
• 59:54
  And then you guys would leave. Yeah.
• 59:56
  OK. Yeah.
• 59:57
  And that was OK instead of under reacting and well, no, there was
• 1:00:02
  some overreacting there. But you're.
• 1:00:04
  I see what you're saying. It's like you were.
• 1:00:07
  Tolerating some things that. Weren't healthy.
• 1:00:11
  No, no, Yeah. Wow.
• 1:00:15
  That's that's really that's a great tool.
• 1:00:17
  What do you call that? Is there a name for that?
• 1:00:20
  School of Hard Knocks. Because you started with the
• 1:00:25
  rear view mirror. That was how you started talking
• 1:00:27
  about it. But it's all it's all part of
• 1:00:30
  paying attention, right? Who was it that said the
• 1:00:33
  unexamined life is not worth? Living.
• 1:00:35
  Oh yes, right. Was that?
• 1:00:37
  I don't know who that was. It's it's paying attention.
• 1:00:39
  Justin, I don't know somebody famous.
• 1:00:42
  Yeah, it's, it's, it's about paying attention and it's about
• 1:00:48
  it's about using the tools and the clues that you have to work
• 1:00:55
  through your own stuff where you can.
• 1:00:58
  And actually, when I'm working with people, I tell them my job
• 1:01:00
  is to work myself out of a job. With the women you're
• 1:01:04
  ministering to. With anybody that I'm working
• 1:01:05
  with therapeutically, like. You, yeah, you want to help them
• 1:01:08
  get to the point where they can go through life and function and
• 1:01:11
  like, not be traumatized by everything.
• 1:01:13
  I want to give them the tools, yes, to be able to look in their
• 1:01:17
  rearview mirror and go where'd that come from?
• 1:01:20
  Right, yes. And untangle it.
• 1:01:22
  Yes. OK.
• 1:01:24
  All right. Can I ask you about before we
• 1:01:28
  wrap up, I want to ask you about the power of sharing your
• 1:01:32
  testimony because I know for you, like we we you, that you
• 1:01:35
  unpacked part of your story in the midst of our conversation
• 1:01:38
  about your ministry and about even like how that prepared you
• 1:01:42
  to do the things you do. But I know you went through a
• 1:01:45
  season where you were forbidden to Share your story, right, by
• 1:01:49
  your husband, right? Can you talk a little bit about
• 1:01:52
  that? Because I, I guess because I
• 1:01:54
  want people to, well, I mean, first of all, the Bible talks
• 1:01:57
  about what is that in Revelation?
• 1:01:59
  Right. It says they overcame the enemy
• 1:02:00
  by the blood of the Lamb. The word of their testimony.
• 1:02:04
  They love not their lives to the death.
• 1:02:06
  And so your testimony, whatever your testimony is it.
• 1:02:09
  Doesn't have to be. Is part of what the Lord has
• 1:02:13
  given you to be able to look back at the enemy and go shut
• 1:02:19
  up, you know, right. Because.
• 1:02:23
  Because the things that I have overcome, like the enemy is for
• 1:02:28
  one, he always overplays his hand, right?
• 1:02:31
  And he thinks, watch this. This will take her out.
• 1:02:35
  Really difficult marriage, suicidal for a number of years.
• 1:02:39
  Yeah. And and it's like, Oh my
• 1:02:43
  goodness, I have earned authority in that over that
• 1:02:46
  because I did not act on that. And so when I can share that
• 1:02:50
  with people who are struggling with suicidality, there's this
• 1:02:55
  commonality and it makes them feel safe to go wow, you 2.
• 1:02:59
  Right, 'cause we let you go, you have it all together.
• 1:03:01
  How would you? How can you possibly relate to
• 1:03:02
  me? Right, right.
• 1:03:04
  And so that testimony is what draws us all together in
• 1:03:08
  commonality. We're all struggling, we all
• 1:03:11
  overcome stuff, we all crash and burn 15 times before we overcome
• 1:03:16
  it. Ask me how I know, right, right.
• 1:03:19
  And if I don't, if I don't share that, then then well, Second
• 1:03:25
  Corinthians says I receive comfort so that I'm able to
• 1:03:29
  comfort others. And if I don't share the comfort
• 1:03:32
  that I received when I was in that very same place, wow.
• 1:03:36
  I just missed a, an opportunity to connect with someone on a
• 1:03:40
  real level and to throw them a, a, a, a, a, a life ring.
• 1:03:49
  And if it worked for me, I know it worked for you.
• 1:03:51
  I will walk with you through that process.
• 1:03:53
  But if you're forbidden to share it, then it then it just.
• 1:03:56
  You're just muted. Right.
• 1:03:59
  And the enemy wins. Yeah, I think so.
• 1:04:02
  That makes me mad. So, yeah, so it was a process
• 1:04:06
  for you to come to a place where you would be open about your
• 1:04:08
  story. I was always, you know, it.
• 1:04:13
  It took some time because I struggled with shame for a long
• 1:04:16
  time and. Is that because of the stigma
• 1:04:19
  around? Oh man, yeah, I'm.
• 1:04:21
  Sexuality. I came out in the 70s when I was
• 1:04:23
  in high school. You came out OK before it was
• 1:04:26
  even popular to come out. When I was in high school in the
• 1:04:28
  70s, I came out. Oh boy.
• 1:04:32
  That was not one of my smarter moves.
• 1:04:34
  Yeah, you were ahead of your time.
• 1:04:35
  I paid dearly for that. It was dumb, you know, I just
• 1:04:40
  speaking, talking about myself, not talking about anybody else,
• 1:04:44
  but. But yeah, smarter than I used to
• 1:04:49
  be. Right, but what do you what
• 1:04:51
  advice you have for somebody who's struggling, you know about
• 1:04:53
  sharing their testimony and and obviously it doesn't mean like
• 1:04:56
  with a microphone on a camera, it could be in in just.
• 1:05:00
  One-on-one over coffee. Right where you're building
• 1:05:03
  rapport and and and relatability.
• 1:05:08
  You know you have to deal with shame.
• 1:05:12
  There's There's a book Jesus Through Middle Eastern Eyes.
• 1:05:18
  Oh, I've heard of that one. I can't remember who wrote that.
• 1:05:20
  Yeah. Textbook, but he talks about
• 1:05:24
  Jesus going to Golgotha and it could mean the place of the
• 1:05:30
  skull. It's also a another term for
• 1:05:33
  bald head, right? And and then it talks about how
• 1:05:39
  the kids made fun of Elisha when he was coming back from Yeah,
• 1:05:43
  they did. Say they, they said you bald
• 1:05:45
  head. You bald?
• 1:05:45
  Yeah. They, they made fun of going up,
• 1:05:47
  right? Yeah.
• 1:05:47
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, and remember when David
• 1:05:50
  sent the guys over to to Comfort?
• 1:05:52
  Was it the king of Edom? One of the kings died and David
• 1:05:58
  sent a delegation over to Comfort the son and and they,
• 1:06:01
  his advisor said, oh, no, they're coming to spy.
• 1:06:03
  And they cut off half of their clothes, half of their hair and
• 1:06:06
  their beard. And David said, you know, it was
• 1:06:08
  a huge insult. And David said, stay in Jericho
• 1:06:12
  until your hair and your beards grow back, right.
• 1:06:15
  So they and so in scripture. Get rid of the shame.
• 1:06:17
  It was kind of a shame, right? To be bald, right?
• 1:06:21
  And here Jesus goes to the place of the bald head.
• 1:06:26
  On his way to the cross, he picked up every curse known to
• 1:06:31
  mankind, right? He stood before Pilot to absorb
• 1:06:35
  my civil failure, my speeding tickets, and that kind of stuff.
• 1:06:39
  He stood before the Sanhedrin to absorb my moral failure.
• 1:06:46
  And he took the cross to the place of shame, because he knew
• 1:06:51
  shame was so toxic that I couldn't handle it.
• 1:06:56
  It's like putting bleach in a tin can.
• 1:07:00
  And he took that shame. Scripture says for your shame,
• 1:07:05
  I'll give you double honor. It's a it's a standard
• 1:07:11
  transaction. Like I go to Publix, I give the
• 1:07:13
  money, they give me a gallon of milk.
• 1:07:15
  But for your shame, I'm going to give you twice as much.
• 1:07:18
  Right. And that was, you know, if a man
• 1:07:20
  had three sons, the first son would get a double portion so
• 1:07:25
  that he would divide his wealth into four portions.
• 1:07:28
  The oldest son would get a double portion and the next two
• 1:07:31
  would each get a single portion because the older son was
• 1:07:35
  responsible for taking care of the rest of the family.
• 1:07:37
  So he says, I'll give you the honor of a first born son.
• 1:07:41
  For if you give me your shame. Yeah.
• 1:07:43
  Oh, that's rich. Yeah.
• 1:07:46
  OK. There's a quote by Brené Brown
• 1:07:47
  that I love with regard to shame she talks about.
• 1:07:54
  She says, all right, put shame in a Petri dish.
• 1:07:56
  She said it needs three things to survive, secrecy, silence and
• 1:08:01
  judgment. OK?
• 1:08:04
  Or actually not just to survive, to make it grow exponentially.
• 1:08:07
  All right, she says, put the same amount of shame in another
• 1:08:10
  Petri dish. Douse it with empathy.
• 1:08:15
  It kills shame. Right.
• 1:08:18
  And when you speak it. When you speak, the thing that's
• 1:08:22
  making you feel shame. The enemy can't beat you up with
• 1:08:25
  with it anymore. It's not hidden anymore cowboy.
• 1:08:27
  I'm telling everybody myself before you can make me fearful
• 1:08:31
  of what their response is going to be.
• 1:08:32
  I just said it out loud now and nail me with it doesn't have any
• 1:08:36
  more. Power.
• 1:08:36
  That's why that's OK. You just help.
• 1:08:39
  That scripture makes more sense to me.
• 1:08:41
  The one we started with when we started talking about this,
• 1:08:43
  which is they overcame him by the word of their the blood of
• 1:08:47
  the Lamb and the word of their testimony.
• 1:08:50
  Because US sharing our story, whatever our struggle is, it
• 1:08:55
  breaks the shame. Yeah, and the enemy can't beat
• 1:08:58
  you up with it anymore. And it's like, it's like, it's
• 1:09:00
  like the the, the club that was his hand in his hand is now in
• 1:09:05
  yours. Oh, the club in Satan's hand.
• 1:09:08
  Yeah, OK. And I'm going to.
• 1:09:11
  I'm coming after you, cowboy. Well.
• 1:09:13
  And also what you just brought out as well is God offers us
• 1:09:16
  double honor for that. So.
• 1:09:18
  So as much as this, the shame can be debilitating, right?
• 1:09:21
  And I think for me, when I'm still with shame, I just
• 1:09:25
  isolate. So if I would give it to God,
• 1:09:29
  what if I bring it into the light?
• 1:09:33
  Yeah, totally. Then I get double honor.
• 1:09:36
  Yeah, that's crazy. So.
• 1:09:38
  Cool passage, and I'm not so great with addresses.
• 1:09:42
  Were the references OK? Go ahead.
• 1:09:43
  But it says take your swords and beat them into plowshares.
• 1:09:48
  So a sword, the most effective use of a sword is to disembowel
• 1:09:52
  somebody. You cut their guts out, they're
• 1:09:54
  not going to come after you anymore, right?
• 1:09:57
  And you take that weapon that Satan meant to disable you with,
• 1:10:01
  OK, And you beat it into a plowshare.
• 1:10:05
  That's what a plowshare is. What is that?
• 1:10:06
  It's the it's the point that goes into the ground that breaks
• 1:10:09
  up the soil so you can plant seeds.
• 1:10:11
  Oh, so you it's it, you know, blacksmith work is hot, heavy,
• 1:10:15
  dirty work. It's not going to just fall out
• 1:10:17
  of a box. You take that which the enemy
• 1:10:19
  meant to destroy you with, beat it into an instrument of you
• 1:10:28
  know it's for farming. Right, you could till the soil
• 1:10:30
  and plant things and life comes out.
• 1:10:32
  And and what does Jesus say? Healing is the Father's bread.
• 1:10:38
  It's the basic substance for life.
• 1:10:42
  It's the basic nutrition healing, right?
• 1:10:45
  He's talking to the gal that bring that says, you know, let
• 1:10:49
  heal my daughter, right? And he says it's for the
• 1:10:53
  children. And she says even the dogs get
• 1:10:56
  the. Crumbs.
• 1:10:57
  Oh, that one, yes. Right, right, right.
• 1:10:58
  OK. That's just OK.
• 1:11:00
  Yeah, keep going with that story.
• 1:11:01
  All right, so, so, so when you plant seeds, you're talking
• 1:11:06
  about grain, you're talking about wheat and oats and and
• 1:11:09
  corn and that kind of stuff, right?
• 1:11:11
  But then that same passage says take your Spears and beat them
• 1:11:16
  into pruning hooks. So a tree that's properly pruned
• 1:11:20
  can produce up to 60% more fruit.
• 1:11:24
  What? And that is really talking about
• 1:11:26
  the mother heart of God. The sweetness is what helps a
• 1:11:29
  child bond to mother in the mother's milk, right?
• 1:11:34
  So we say the father provides basic nutrition.
• 1:11:38
  Take that sword, beat it into a plowshare.
• 1:11:41
  That becomes something that's life producing, right?
• 1:11:43
  OK, take the spear, beat it into a pruning hook that amplifies
• 1:11:47
  the mother heart of God, His love for you, His sweetness of
• 1:11:51
  him, right? And so you take those things
• 1:11:54
  that the enemy meant to destroy you with.
• 1:11:56
  The enemy meant to destroy me with my dad passing and my mom
• 1:12:00
  going into depression. The enemy totally meant to Take
• 1:12:04
  Me Out as early as. Possible.
• 1:12:05
  Oh, for sure. Right, 100%.
• 1:12:07
  So I I take, I take the homosexuality, the drugs and
• 1:12:11
  alcohol, the rape, the I take all of that and I beat those
• 1:12:15
  things to become life. Giving.
• 1:12:17
  Come on, I beat those things to reproductive in terms of
• 1:12:21
  nutrition and the love of God. But when you say I beat them,
• 1:12:26
  that has to do with you being it.
• 1:12:27
  Be willing to share it to use that to comfort others with the
• 1:12:30
  comfort you've received to. Process it myself so I'm not
• 1:12:34
  tripping over it every time I walk past it.
• 1:12:36
  OK, right. I'm not getting triggered every
• 1:12:38
  time, you know, something like that comes up.
• 1:12:41
  But then it becomes something that I can share with others.
• 1:12:43
  It's life giving for them. Yeah, that's so good.
• 1:12:48
  That's really Rich. Wow.
• 1:12:51
  OK, we might have to have you back to talk about some more
• 1:12:53
  tools at some point. OK, wait, we're going to do our
• 1:12:55
  rapid fire. OK.
• 1:12:56
  Rapid. Fire.
• 1:12:57
  OK, so here we are. Got to make sure we do this.
• 1:13:01
  What's a Bible verse you return to again and again?
• 1:13:05
  Isaiah 63, nine says in their suffering, he suffered with
• 1:13:12
  them. In other words, all of the hard
• 1:13:16
  things that we go through, he's not sitting on the sidelines
• 1:13:21
  going, oh, that's going to leave a mark.
• 1:13:23
  He's with you, suffering with you, so determined to support
• 1:13:29
  you, so determined to be there for you, so determined to engage
• 1:13:33
  you in the pain that he's suffering, the pain with you.
• 1:13:39
  I see tears in your eyes right now.
• 1:13:42
  That means a lot to me. That passage means a lot to me.
• 1:13:45
  Yeah. It means I've never been alone,
• 1:13:49
  as desperate, as overwhelmed with pain as I have been at
• 1:13:54
  times. I have never been alone One time
• 1:13:58
  the Lord said I'm as close as your next breath.
• 1:14:06
  Yeah. That's deep.
• 1:14:07
  Come on, Becky. Ready.
• 1:14:10
  Therapy, journaling or prayer walk.
• 1:14:13
  Pick one that's. Not one of the ones.
• 1:14:16
  I'm sorry, you're right. I circled him in red.
• 1:14:21
  You're right. OK, so you you choose.
• 1:14:23
  Prayer walk? Yes.
• 1:14:24
  Tell me why. I don't seem to be able to hear
• 1:14:27
  God very well sitting still. I think I have a motion
• 1:14:30
  anointing. Oh, you have to be in motion.
• 1:14:33
  But it it. I thought you said emotion
• 1:14:35
  anointing, but you meant a motion anointing.
• 1:14:39
  Got it. OK, you're right.
• 1:14:40
  I I got it this wrong. You circled this one.
• 1:14:42
  You ready? Yes.
• 1:14:43
  I gave her a choice on the rapid fire questions.
• 1:14:46
  What's a misconception about faith?
• 1:14:49
  You wish more people understood. That God loves you.
• 1:14:54
  He's not mad, irritated, frustrated, annoyed, or ashamed
• 1:14:56
  of you. He loves you and He delights
• 1:15:00
  when you walk in the room. His face lights up when he
• 1:15:04
  thinks of you all. Right here we go, one boundary
• 1:15:10
  you wish you'd learned earlier in life.
• 1:15:13
  I didn't have any boundaries, pretty much 0 and so I have had
• 1:15:19
  to learn all that as an adult and it would have saved me some
• 1:15:23
  amount of Gray hair. So there's not one particular
• 1:15:25
  boundary. Though one particular.
• 1:15:27
  All right, so all of them great, pretty much.
• 1:15:28
  You ready for this? Yes.
• 1:15:30
  Maybe. What's a belief that changed
• 1:15:34
  your life? That God met me and an
• 1:15:39
  experience that absolutely, unequivocally convinced me that
• 1:15:44
  he loved me even though I was a hot mess and still am in a lot
• 1:15:48
  of ways. I don't see you as a hot mess,
• 1:15:51
  but OK, I'll just have to take. You.
• 1:15:54
  Take your word for it, all right?
• 1:15:56
  Who is someone who deeply shaped your character?
• 1:15:59
  This gal named Sandy. The one you've referred to
• 1:16:01
  several times already. Yeah.
• 1:16:04
  All right, I. Don't think I would be where I
• 1:16:06
  am without her. I'm sure I wouldn't be where I
• 1:16:09
  am without her. I bet there's some women that
• 1:16:11
  would say, I don't know if I'd be where I am without Becky's
• 1:16:14
  influence in my life too. That's possible.
• 1:16:17
  Those 16 girls that you helped pull out of that nonsense, keep
• 1:16:21
  going with that. What's a community you're
• 1:16:24
  grateful for right now? There is this Monday night book
• 1:16:28
  study that I do with a several women that is just so rich.
• 1:16:34
  You know, the material that we study is great.
• 1:16:36
  We're looking at a book right now by Jim Richards.
• 1:16:39
  But the community and the give and take and the oh, wow, you
• 1:16:42
  know, the highlights and what clicked for her.
• 1:16:45
  It's like, oh, yeah, I hadn't thought of that, you know.
• 1:16:47
  Yeah. That's cool.
• 1:16:50
  All right, here's the last one. You ready?
• 1:16:53
  What's a lesson you learned the hard way?
• 1:16:57
  That's kind of funny because I can't think of any lessons I
• 1:17:01
  learned the easy way, right? I, I say, you know, I have a
• 1:17:06
  high retention rate for things that cost me skin.
• 1:17:08
  And education is expensive whether you get it in the school
• 1:17:11
  of Hard Knocks or the university.
• 1:17:13
  Yes. Yeah, So what?
• 1:17:16
  But tell us one of those lessons.
• 1:17:19
  Did I learn the hard way? Yeah, I mean, you're saying
• 1:17:21
  everything I learned the hard way.
• 1:17:22
  I I remember it better. Yeah.
• 1:17:25
  You know, like I don't speed anymore because I had to write
• 1:17:28
  that. Check.
• 1:17:29
  For stupid number of zeros. Man, I've had a few of those.
• 1:17:35
  Not that expensive, but yes, I've been there.
• 1:17:38
  And you know scripture says obey every ordinance of man and so I
• 1:17:41
  honestly try to do the speed limit.
• 1:17:44
  Sometimes they, they set it too low.
• 1:17:46
  I mean, they just lowered it on the street near my and I'm like,
• 1:17:49
  what? And I'm really cynical And so
• 1:17:51
  like, I'm like, you lowered it just so you could write us
• 1:17:54
  tickets, you know, like, I can't find a good reason why they
• 1:17:57
  lowered it. At my house, the street, the,
• 1:18:00
  the, the, the, the speed limit is 25 miles an hour.
• 1:18:03
  And they were talking about development and they'd say we'll
• 1:18:05
  have some traffic calming things.
• 1:18:06
  I'm going. It's already 25 miles.
• 1:18:09
  An hour? How do you They're driving
• 1:18:10
  backwards, traffic calming. We're calm.
• 1:18:15
  OK, it's 25. We might be overreacting, but
• 1:18:21
  oh, man, wow, Becky, thank you so much for being willing to
• 1:18:25
  Share your story and your ministry.
• 1:18:28
  And it's so rich and powerful. Where can people find you?
• 1:18:33
  Check out Well, the the laundromat, right?
• 1:18:35
  Yeah. 3:30 to 5:00. And Lighthouse pbc.org is the
• 1:18:40
  website, and the website has more information than you'd ever
• 1:18:43
  want on there. OK.
• 1:18:45
  That is wonderful. Thank you so much.
• 1:18:47
  Wonderful being here. Thanks for the opportunity.
• 1:18:49
  I really appreciate it, Christine.