Latest / Dear Chelsea / Supercharged Growth with Maren Morris

Transcript

Supercharged Growth with Maren Morris · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, greetings from Portugal.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Hi, how are you?
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hi? Am good, how are you doing.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: I'm doing fantastic.
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: I am just taking the day off of work today,
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: actually after this, so it's for this.
• 0:13
  Speaker 4: I just drove two and a half hours with my cousin,
• 0:16
  Speaker 4: her lover and their daughter who had diarrhea.
• 0:21
  Speaker 5: On the side of the road by a free We
• 0:23
  Speaker 5: took us about forty seven minutes to get all of
• 0:25
  Speaker 5: our luggage in the trunk.
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: My tour European tour officially ended last night. I did
• 0:30
  Speaker 4: my last show in Libs. In Libs in Lisbon, I
• 0:34
  Speaker 4: developed the lisp. I had my last show in lis
• 0:37
  Speaker 4: Boa is liz Boa. That's how they say it there,
• 0:40
  Speaker 4: liz Boa in Lisbon.
• 0:42
  Speaker 5: And I was very tipsy on stage last night because
• 0:45
  Speaker 5: we were celebrating all day.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: We were walking.
• 0:47
  Speaker 5: We'd stop and we got Moscow mules, and then we
• 0:50
  Speaker 5: had sang Gria, and then by the time we got
• 0:52
  Speaker 5: to the show, things are the reals. The wheels really
• 0:55
  Speaker 5: came off. So it was a perfect way to end
• 0:57
  Speaker 5: my tour. We had the best time and the audiences
• 1:00
  Speaker 5: in Europe. I'm so appreciative of everybody who came out.
• 1:04
  Speaker 5: It was such a fucking blast. And I've never walked
• 1:07
  Speaker 5: so much in my life.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: And did you think that you'd be going on tour
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: with a toddler?
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: I mean, was that I did not? She wanted she
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: had to come on stage last night too.
• 1:14
  Speaker 5: She always wants to come on stage, and so we
• 1:16
  Speaker 5: told her if she came on stage and said you're
• 1:18
  Speaker 5: a fucking bitch, that she could come on stage. But
• 1:21
  Speaker 5: so she was practicing backstage, but then she wouldn't do
• 1:23
  Speaker 5: it when she got on stage, which is probably for
• 1:25
  Speaker 5: the best.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a lot, it's a lot.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: But she loves it.
• 1:29
  Speaker 5: She loves She's like every night when she goes to sleep,
• 1:32
  Speaker 5: she's like, is there a show tonight? Can I go
• 1:34
  Speaker 5: on stage? She They joined us like halfway through the tour.
• 1:38
  Speaker 5: So yeah, it was pretty it was pretty funny. I'm
• 1:42
  Speaker 5: just so glad I don't have children.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: Yes, you get like little bites, you know, little taste.
• 1:48
  Speaker 5: Amount of times I mean, the patience that's required, the
• 1:50
  Speaker 5: amount of times you hear the word mommy. In one hour,
• 1:55
  Speaker 5: it's like nine hundred times mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy. I'm like,
• 2:00
  Speaker 5: oh my god, oh my god, I can't believe I
• 2:03
  Speaker 5: understand why people lose their fucking shit.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and also like daddy's there too, so it could
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: be daddy daddy too, but nope, it's always Mommy.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: It's always Yeah, she's even. She's like her my niece
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: is like in a relationship with her father. They're like
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: they're like a couple.
• 2:20
  Speaker 5: And then Molly comes in and like sports every Molly
• 2:23
  Speaker 5: comes in and just shames everybody about everything.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Everyone got sick at some point except for me. Luckily,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: knock on my gun. That was good. The two of
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: them were very.
• 2:31
  Speaker 5: Hungover this morning, and I was at the gym like
• 2:33
  Speaker 5: I always am. She's like, wow, you really are an alcoholic.
• 2:35
  Speaker 5: She's like, you can survive anything. I'm like, you just
• 2:37
  Speaker 5: need to shoot up what I'm shooting up? Okay, I
• 2:39
  Speaker 5: take all these peptides I'm taking because I can handle
• 2:42
  Speaker 5: almost anything.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: Yes, So do you get to have a little vacation now?
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Yes?
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: Now I'm in Portugal.
• 2:48
  Speaker 5: I'm at my friend's fiftieth birthday weekend. So I'm here
• 2:51
  Speaker 5: for about four or five days. And I've never been
• 2:53
  Speaker 5: here before. The all Golf Coast. I've been a Portugal
• 2:55
  Speaker 5: a bunch, but never here, so we'll see what happens.
• 2:58
  Speaker 5: I mean, any possible anything.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: It's great.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: Get you have earned it. It's time for some time
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: off and you.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Get to just hill a little bit. Thank you, thank you,
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: thank you. Okay, So who do we have coming up today?
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: Well, today we have the lovely Maren Morris, who has
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: a new album called Dreamsickle.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 3:15
  Speaker 5: I love Mary Morris and I bumped into her on
• 3:17
  Speaker 5: a television show. So this is perfect timing that we
• 3:19
  Speaker 5: had her on I like and when she said fuck
• 3:21
  Speaker 5: you to country music for to not being accepting or
• 3:26
  Speaker 5: for well, there was a bevy of reasons, but it
• 3:29
  Speaker 5: was basically directed at their sexism, misogyny and you know, homophobia.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: No, she is cute, she's smart, she is fun, she
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: knows her mind.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: She was a great guest, So okay, bring her on.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Morris. Everybody is hi, Marin. I'm happy to
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: see you. I'm good. How are you doing?
• 3:51
  Speaker 6: Long time?
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: No?
• 3:52
  Speaker 5: See, well we just ran into each other at one
• 3:54
  Speaker 5: of those shows. I don't want to say the wrong
• 3:55
  Speaker 5: one though, So I'm scared. Is it access Hollywood or
• 3:59
  Speaker 5: is it to I think I access Hollywood? I mean
• 4:02
  Speaker 5: I should know because I know the girls there as
• 4:05
  Speaker 5: whenever I roam through there, so I don't want to
• 4:07
  Speaker 5: insult them by saying the wrong show. So if I
• 4:09
  Speaker 5: do whatever, it's on me, Maarn, It's all on me,
• 4:14
  Speaker 5: you know what.
• 4:14
  Speaker 6: It was fun.
• 4:15
  Speaker 5: I was so happy to see you because I met
• 4:18
  Speaker 5: you years and years ago, as we discussed, when Maren
• 4:21
  Speaker 5: was opening for Keith Urban and I was doing my
• 4:24
  Speaker 5: Netflix show, so that was probably like almost ten years ago.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: I interviewed you on a tour bus.
• 4:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and you were a little baby and you didn't
• 4:34
  Speaker 5: have a baby yet, and now you have a baby
• 4:36
  Speaker 5: and you're not a baby anymore. But what I really
• 4:39
  Speaker 5: have respected about you is how outspoken you are. It
• 4:42
  Speaker 5: really is amazing to see when you said basically fuck
• 4:46
  Speaker 5: you to country music. And I know you weren't saying
• 4:48
  Speaker 5: fuck you to country music, but you were saying fuck
• 4:50
  Speaker 5: you to really the industry of country music.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:54
  Speaker 7: I think mostly just like the pillars of establishment, where
• 4:58
  Speaker 7: it's these pockets of like MAGA infiltration since twenty sixteen,
• 5:05
  Speaker 7: which is truly like when I guess we met, it's
• 5:08
  Speaker 7: just taken the a nose dives and it's not everyone
• 5:12
  Speaker 7: in that world like there's tons of people. I live
• 5:16
  Speaker 7: in Nashville, so I mean, I haven't like become an
• 5:18
  Speaker 7: expat of every facet of this.
• 5:21
  Speaker 6: I love living here, but yeah, I.
• 5:22
  Speaker 7: Mean it's certainly just tough to sort of want to
• 5:26
  Speaker 7: make music you love and then deliver it to a
• 5:29
  Speaker 7: space that feels safe and inclusive and you know, celebratory.
• 5:34
  Speaker 7: So I think I just had to sort of go
• 5:36
  Speaker 7: back to the drying board and figure out like what
• 5:40
  Speaker 7: I truly wanted to do.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: And how did you come to that decision?
• 5:43
  Speaker 5: Was that just your own Like did you have to
• 5:45
  Speaker 5: discuss this with anybody in your life before you were
• 5:48
  Speaker 5: public about it? Or is this something that you just
• 5:50
  Speaker 5: felt so passionately about that you had to say something.
• 5:54
  Speaker 7: I mean, I think it was becoming more galvanized, as
• 6:00
  Speaker 7: you know, the pandemic was stretching on, and we were
• 6:04
  Speaker 7: just trying to figure out how to tour again and
• 6:07
  Speaker 7: a safe way. And I think it just really like
• 6:11
  Speaker 7: opened up a lot of blind spots of like people
• 6:13
  Speaker 7: I worked with and just the community here and most
• 6:17
  Speaker 7: of it is so like supportive and loving, but I
• 6:20
  Speaker 7: did I did have to kind of figure out, like
• 6:23
  Speaker 7: what do I want to do going forward? Musically, which
• 6:26
  Speaker 7: you know, I think I've always been a blurred genre
• 6:31
  Speaker 7: line kind of artist because I'm just more about like
• 6:35
  Speaker 7: the songwriting element and like it comes out how it
• 6:37
  Speaker 7: comes out. But yeah, I think just making some like
• 6:41
  Speaker 7: intentional decisions on where I like send this music to.
• 6:45
  Speaker 7: And you know, the thing is is like I'm always
• 6:47
  Speaker 7: going to.
• 6:48
  Speaker 6: Love country music.
• 6:49
  Speaker 7: It's so tied into my DNA of how I listen
• 6:54
  Speaker 7: to music, how I write music. It's all through this
• 6:57
  Speaker 7: like portal of like the Nashville way of right songs,
• 7:00
  Speaker 7: co writing, lyrical structure, the like abab of it all.
• 7:05
  Speaker 7: That's I can't like, I don't want to get rid
• 7:08
  Speaker 7: of that part of myself. I love country music's honesty
• 7:11
  Speaker 7: and like telling real people's stories. But I always go
• 7:15
  Speaker 7: back to this interview in like the late eighties of
• 7:18
  Speaker 7: the Highwaymen. So it's like Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Christofferson
• 7:24
  Speaker 7: Waylan and they're all talking about like funding public education
• 7:29
  Speaker 7: over you know, excessive military spending, and you know, just
• 7:34
  Speaker 7: giving back to the poor and the elderly, like these
• 7:39
  Speaker 7: icons these outlaws, which a lot of these people will
• 7:41
  Speaker 7: wear on a T shirt like they don't remember what
• 7:44
  Speaker 7: these dudes were fucking talking about.
• 7:46
  Speaker 6: From day one.
• 7:47
  Speaker 7: And that's country music to me, which is like writing
• 7:50
  Speaker 7: for the oppressed and writing about those stories.
• 7:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like that's analogous to like how I
• 7:55
  Speaker 5: feel about America, you know what I mean, Like the
• 7:58
  Speaker 5: integrity with which it was founded or with the ideals
• 8:02
  Speaker 5: of what it was always meant to become is probably
• 8:04
  Speaker 5: you can say the same about country music, Like nobody's
• 8:07
  Speaker 5: nothing is founded on hate and bigotry and exclusivity. Things
• 8:12
  Speaker 5: are founded on love and spreading joy and messaging and inclusivity.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: And yet somehow we get miired, you know.
• 8:20
  Speaker 5: Like industries can get miired in this way of thinking
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: and then they can become dominated by that. And like
• 8:26
  Speaker 5: that's how it feels like in our country. Even though
• 8:28
  Speaker 5: I don't feel like we're being dominated by hate, there's
• 8:30
  Speaker 5: enough out there that it feels that way. I always
• 8:33
  Speaker 5: want to err on the side of love and believe
• 8:35
  Speaker 5: that there are more good than there are bad people.
• 8:37
  Speaker 5: So I'm just going to choose to continue to think
• 8:39
  Speaker 5: that way for the time being.
• 8:41
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean, I think I will always have this
• 8:44
  Speaker 7: like intrinsic hope and ambition that I mean, humankind is
• 8:50
  Speaker 7: truly just wanting to feel listened to and connected to
• 8:53
  Speaker 7: one another. I think, yeah, when other like ulterior motives
• 8:58
  Speaker 7: get cropped in, it's just I mean, music and the
• 9:03
  Speaker 7: arts are a mirror of society. And so when I
• 9:06
  Speaker 7: saw what was going on within the establishment of like
• 9:10
  Speaker 7: mainstream country music, not so much like Outlaw or Americana,
• 9:15
  Speaker 7: it was like a lot of these rich guys caused
• 9:19
  Speaker 7: playing as cowboys with like six thousand dollars ya sell
• 9:23
  Speaker 7: boots that have never touched dirt.
• 9:26
  Speaker 6: It's like, what's the saying where it's like those boys are.
• 9:29
  Speaker 7: All hat and no cattle. That's like, that's kind of
• 9:33
  Speaker 7: what was happening. And I mean, like it's just interesting
• 9:37
  Speaker 7: because I feel like at the end of the day,
• 9:38
  Speaker 7: we're all just trying to like live and let live.
• 9:41
  Speaker 7: And I think there's a nationalistic element to America and
• 9:47
  Speaker 7: parts of country music where it's like this is ours,
• 9:49
  Speaker 7: not theirs, and that's just not a vibe I want
• 9:54
  Speaker 7: to be a part of. I want to be like inclusive,
• 9:56
  Speaker 7: and that only makes for better music also when you
• 10:00
  Speaker 7: invite inclusivity and diversity into it.
• 10:03
  Speaker 6: Because some of my.
• 10:05
  Speaker 7: Favorite collaborations over like the decades have been those out
• 10:09
  Speaker 7: of left fields duets, like when Willie and rach Charles
• 10:14
  Speaker 7: did their collap together, it was just like so refreshing
• 10:17
  Speaker 7: and it just opened up for better music to come
• 10:21
  Speaker 7: in and Russian and so I think the same with
• 10:24
  Speaker 7: like love. It's like you have to scare yourself and
• 10:28
  Speaker 7: be uncomfortable and hear someone else's point of view or
• 10:31
  Speaker 7: walk of life in order to expand as a human.
• 10:35
  Speaker 7: And you know, writing is just like my extension of that.
• 10:38
  Speaker 7: But yeah, anyways, this is getting very very existential.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Well, but it's about who cares a shit.
• 10:43
  Speaker 5: I mean, that is beautiful, Like we all want to
• 10:45
  Speaker 5: grow in love and expand, but some people it's like
• 10:48
  Speaker 5: the people that are limited and the people that are
• 10:49
  Speaker 5: closed off are not thinking that way. They're thinking about
• 10:52
  Speaker 5: it's a narrow way of thinking. And when you go
• 10:54
  Speaker 5: through different enough difficult stuff and you're a smart person,
• 10:58
  Speaker 5: you eventually understand and maybe not eventually, maybe right away
• 11:02
  Speaker 5: the benefits of expansion and the benefits of growing and
• 11:05
  Speaker 5: open mindedness and actually going towards something that you think
• 11:08
  Speaker 5: you might fear and learning from it. You have a
• 11:11
  Speaker 5: huge new album called Dreamsicle. She's going on tour everybody.
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: She's going on to the US, Europe, UK, everywhere. Tickets
• 11:18
  Speaker 5: are available at Marenmorris dot com. The tour begins July twelfth.
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: So I've listened to part of this in the in
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: the gym this morning.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: It's really beautiful. It's very soulful.
• 11:28
  Speaker 5: I mean, it's I don't even know how I would
• 11:30
  Speaker 5: describe it in one word because it's there's a lot
• 11:32
  Speaker 5: of different stuff in there. But I'm really just blown
• 11:36
  Speaker 5: away at a And I think this is demonstrative of
• 11:40
  Speaker 5: what so many women experience.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: You came out of a marriage, you came out.
• 11:44
  Speaker 5: Of you know, quote unquote country music, and you had
• 11:47
  Speaker 5: a huge growth spurt from what I can tell. Can
• 11:50
  Speaker 5: you talk a little bit about that. You also had
• 11:53
  Speaker 5: a baby, so I mean that'll do it. Yeah.
• 11:55
  Speaker 7: I think just literally everything that could change in your
• 11:59
  Speaker 7: life happen and in like five years for me, and
• 12:02
  Speaker 7: you know, it was a slow burn of events like unfolding,
• 12:06
  Speaker 7: and I I think I was just hoping and waiting
• 12:10
  Speaker 7: that someone would reach into my life and tell me
• 12:13
  Speaker 7: how to fix everything. And when you realize on some
• 12:18
  Speaker 7: of those like more isolated nights of just like not
• 12:21
  Speaker 7: being able to sleep and because you just your body
• 12:24
  Speaker 7: is in fight or flight almost. I think I just
• 12:28
  Speaker 7: had to buck up and be like, no, bitch, it's you,
• 12:31
  Speaker 7: Like you're the one that has to make that decision
• 12:33
  Speaker 7: and figure out like where you go from here.
• 12:35
  Speaker 6: It's not going to be anyone else. Like I mean,
• 12:39
  Speaker 6: I think you go into.
• 12:39
  Speaker 7: This like inner child mode of like how do I
• 12:42
  Speaker 7: get out of this? Like who can help me? Like
• 12:44
  Speaker 7: my mom or my dad? But I think, yeah, I
• 12:47
  Speaker 7: just I realized I was expanding and growing at a
• 12:53
  Speaker 7: really fast pace. I think from twenty twenty on, and
• 12:58
  Speaker 7: yes you could you could throw motherhood and the postpartum
• 13:03
  Speaker 7: thing learning about myself not being able to work in
• 13:06
  Speaker 7: that moment. There were a lot of like identity crises
• 13:09
  Speaker 7: going on. But I realized, like I can't look back
• 13:13
  Speaker 7: and slow down for people anymore. I want to set
• 13:18
  Speaker 7: my own pace and I will sacrifice my comfort and
• 13:22
  Speaker 7: like loneliness or feeling not lonely to move at the
• 13:28
  Speaker 7: pace that I have worked really hard to move at.
• 13:31
  Speaker 7: And I think it's not like a fun decision. It's
• 13:34
  Speaker 7: not a fun aftermath or fall out of a decision
• 13:37
  Speaker 7: like that. But I think now that I'm a little
• 13:39
  Speaker 7: bit more on the other side of it, I do
• 13:41
  Speaker 7: feel like no part of me ever wakes up at
• 13:45
  Speaker 7: three in the morning and it's like I've made a
• 13:47
  Speaker 7: huge mistake. Like I feel like I sleep better because
• 13:51
  Speaker 7: my body can finally relax and knows that it made
• 13:54
  Speaker 7: the tough but right decision. It's hard to know what
• 13:58
  Speaker 7: day occurred that it all started to shift, but maybe circumstantially,
• 14:03
  Speaker 7: it doesn't to me feel like, oh, let's throw the
• 14:06
  Speaker 7: baby out with the bathwater, like and change everything about
• 14:08
  Speaker 7: my life. It just happened organically to have, you know,
• 14:11
  Speaker 7: all occur at once. But yeah, personal life, professional, all
• 14:16
  Speaker 7: the shit was just like a tornado. And I was like,
• 14:20
  Speaker 7: I swear to God, if I can like white knuckle
• 14:22
  Speaker 7: myself through this and survive, this is probably the hardest thing,
• 14:27
  Speaker 7: Like I'll endure and I'll be okay if I get
• 14:29
  Speaker 7: through this part.
• 14:31
  Speaker 5: I think it's so interesting that you say that, because
• 14:33
  Speaker 5: it's so true, Like I know, through some of my
• 14:35
  Speaker 5: difficult moments in life, you are kind of waiting for someone,
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: Like whether it's your agent or your manager, or your
• 14:42
  Speaker 5: sister or your father, you're waiting for somebody to bail
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: you out, to come and say I'll take care of you.
• 14:47
  Speaker 5: And like I've had so many When I was younger,
• 14:50
  Speaker 5: I had so many of those like kind of tantr
• 14:54
  Speaker 5: me moments like somebody needs to fix this, somebody needs
• 14:58
  Speaker 5: to fix this, and it's like there's only so much
• 15:01
  Speaker 5: anybody else can do about you and your state of mind,
• 15:04
  Speaker 5: which is the first ingredient you need is to have
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: clarity and to have focus in order to lift yourself
• 15:11
  Speaker 5: out of anything.
• 15:13
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I think I was just maintaining a level of
• 15:17
  Speaker 7: stress and thinking that because I'm used to this level
• 15:21
  Speaker 7: of stress, it's comfortable, and the alternative to that is
• 15:27
  Speaker 7: so in the dark that it's frightening. And now that
• 15:31
  Speaker 7: I've removed that sort of perpetual level of holding the
• 15:37
  Speaker 7: fucking plates up and spinning them no matter the cost
• 15:40
  Speaker 7: to myself and my mental health.
• 15:42
  Speaker 6: Now that I've removed that, I just see.
• 15:46
  Speaker 7: How much I was carrying and that was so unnecessary
• 15:50
  Speaker 7: and so unfair to me. So yeah, I think, like
• 15:54
  Speaker 7: the whole rip the band aid off thing is easier
• 15:58
  Speaker 7: said than done. But I do think even if you're
• 16:01
  Speaker 7: operating at a level of like just okay or good ish,
• 16:05
  Speaker 7: you don't know what great is because you've never allowed
• 16:08
  Speaker 7: yourself the space to experience great and I feel like
• 16:12
  Speaker 7: now I can. And I'm like, you have to be
• 16:16
  Speaker 7: like really okay with your own company, and I am.
• 16:19
  Speaker 7: I think that was always like the case was, you know,
• 16:22
  Speaker 7: since I was a kid. I can internalize and go
• 16:25
  Speaker 7: and hear, and that's probably why I'm a songwriter. But yeah,
• 16:29
  Speaker 7: it's just, yeah, extremely daunting to make those choices. But
• 16:33
  Speaker 7: you know, I just turned thirty five, and I do
• 16:37
  Speaker 7: feel like I'm glad I didn't wait any longer.
• 16:41
  Speaker 6: It just would have been such a like waste to myself.
• 16:44
  Speaker 5: Absolutely, And I think there are so many, so many
• 16:46
  Speaker 5: of the people that listen to this podcast are always
• 16:48
  Speaker 5: calling in about that very question, like how do you
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: take a leap?
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: How do you move in the right direction? Like what
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: is the first step?
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: And I always think it's just take a step in
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: that direction, you know, and then the second one will follow.
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: But you have to intentionally be like, this is the
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: first thing I'm going to do to change my life
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: and to head into direction that I'm more comfortable with
• 17:09
  Speaker 5: and passionate about.
• 17:11
  Speaker 7: Yeah, and you more people should talk about like even
• 17:14
  Speaker 7: the little baby step in the correct direction or whatever
• 17:18
  Speaker 7: is nauseating it is you are fighting every safety inside
• 17:23
  Speaker 7: your body to make those choices, whether it's to leave
• 17:27
  Speaker 7: a job or a relationship or severtise with a friend
• 17:30
  Speaker 7: or a family, those decisions, at least for me, because
• 17:34
  Speaker 7: I just feel so much like empathy and I want
• 17:40
  Speaker 7: I never want to let people down.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: People.
• 17:41
  Speaker 7: Please are it feels like you're going to vomit, Like
• 17:45
  Speaker 7: every time you even take the tiniest step to someone else,
• 17:48
  Speaker 7: Like it's huge to your brain and you're functioning.
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: How did you deal with any of the backlash you
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: got from the country country music industry after you came
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: out publicly?
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Came out, No, like against that I came out, got it? Well,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: I mean too well that you're right right.
• 18:05
  Speaker 5: Of course that too, but not who cares about that.
• 18:09
  Speaker 6: About we're all a little gay?
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly so.
• 18:12
  Speaker 5: And if we're not gay yet, you will be okay
• 18:14
  Speaker 5: by the end of this By the end of this administration,
• 18:17
  Speaker 5: you'll all be gay.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:19
  Speaker 7: Just date one more man, and I promise you you'll be
• 18:22
  Speaker 7: gay totally.
• 18:25
  Speaker 5: Somebody tried to I was coming to New York. I'm
• 18:27
  Speaker 5: in New York right now, and somebody's like, I have
• 18:29
  Speaker 5: this guy I want you to set you up with.
• 18:30
  Speaker 5: I'm like, I can't even think about men right now. Okay,
• 18:33
  Speaker 5: just get away from me. I have no interest in
• 18:37
  Speaker 5: a man right now. I have other things to think about.
• 18:39
  Speaker 5: And like, when I get to Europe, I'll be in
• 18:41
  Speaker 5: a different zone.
• 18:42
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, maybe it's better, you'll fear better over there.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: But I mean, I.
• 18:47
  Speaker 6: Mean, there's there's backlash with like anything that you do
• 18:50
  Speaker 6: that's not normal.
• 18:52
  Speaker 7: So I think I also, like remember very clearly the
• 18:57
  Speaker 7: chicks backlash of like the two thousand and three Bush era,
• 19:02
  Speaker 7: you know, Iraq war stuff, So like that's like my
• 19:06
  Speaker 7: touchstone of how an industry can black volume or snuff
• 19:11
  Speaker 7: you out or attempt to. And I think, you know,
• 19:14
  Speaker 7: it's slightly better now because of social media and more
• 19:19
  Speaker 7: people can be like exposed to what you're saying and
• 19:21
  Speaker 7: have the context of what.
• 19:22
  Speaker 6: You're saying and and.
• 19:24
  Speaker 7: Just yeah, but I was kind of surprised at like
• 19:26
  Speaker 7: how many people reached out to me pately or publicly
• 19:30
  Speaker 7: in support and just being like the courage that it
• 19:35
  Speaker 7: would take to do this or just change up your
• 19:38
  Speaker 7: plans this way. And I wasn't really doing it in
• 19:41
  Speaker 7: the hopes that these people would think that I'm like
• 19:46
  Speaker 7: Joan of Arc or some bullshit. It's like, I'm just
• 19:49
  Speaker 7: attempting to like be happy and I'm going to have
• 19:52
  Speaker 7: to make some major changes for that to be.
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: A reality, honest, being an honest I mean, you didn't
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: have to say that publicly.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: You could have said that privately. There's a real power.
• 20:01
  Speaker 5: I mean, anytime someone says something like that and it's
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: loud about that in a righteous way, you are paving
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: the way for so many other people that you will
• 20:10
  Speaker 5: never even know about, you know, and not to mention
• 20:13
  Speaker 5: all of the gay country artists that we've learned about
• 20:15
  Speaker 5: since making that announcement.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: So like, kudos to you for doing that.
• 20:19
  Speaker 5: That takes a lot of balls and a lot of guts,
• 20:21
  Speaker 5: because I'm sure there was a part of you that
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: was scared or it was fractured of you that was like,
• 20:25
  Speaker 5: oh my god, what's the backlash going to be like?
• 20:28
  Speaker 5: And I'm all for that because you're helping so many
• 20:30
  Speaker 5: people that you'll never even meet.
• 20:32
  Speaker 6: Oh well, thank you.
• 20:33
  Speaker 7: I mean, I think I've always been a loudmouth, and
• 20:36
  Speaker 7: I think it's just from kind of growing up in
• 20:39
  Speaker 7: Texas in this very red state, you know, lots of
• 20:43
  Speaker 7: conservative family and you know, being so mentally online for
• 20:49
  Speaker 7: like post nine to eleven, the chick stuff, things that
• 20:53
  Speaker 7: were happening within the South and in country music on
• 20:55
  Speaker 7: a public level with the war, I mean, the age
• 20:59
  Speaker 7: of millennial that I am is like that's when people
• 21:02
  Speaker 7: really started paying attention because we had to.
• 21:05
  Speaker 6: It was on our TVs.
• 21:07
  Speaker 7: And I think it just instilled in me this like
• 21:09
  Speaker 7: kind of rebellious spirit of like where how do I
• 21:14
  Speaker 7: build community in a place which is so red, And
• 21:17
  Speaker 7: like even back then it felt very quaint.
• 21:21
  Speaker 6: Like people post Trump, it's a little.
• 21:23
  Speaker 7: Bit different, but I think even back then it didn't
• 21:25
  Speaker 7: feel quite so adversarial. But it's just grown as I've
• 21:31
  Speaker 7: grown my audience. And I think also like I have
• 21:35
  Speaker 7: so many women that work for me and with me,
• 21:39
  Speaker 7: and people of color, people.
• 21:41
  Speaker 6: In the queer community.
• 21:43
  Speaker 7: So like that's my backstage and on stage, and then
• 21:46
  Speaker 7: I'm looking at my crowd and it's like each album,
• 21:51
  Speaker 7: each like year even it's diversifying. And I remember the
• 21:55
  Speaker 7: first time I ever played like New York City, it
• 21:58
  Speaker 7: was like the Bowery, I think, and I just I'd
• 22:01
  Speaker 7: never had like gay fans, and so seeing on my
• 22:04
  Speaker 7: first like EP and you're in like the biggest city,
• 22:07
  Speaker 7: so you're like, Okay, this is what you know the
• 22:10
  Speaker 7: city crowd's going to look like. And I was just
• 22:13
  Speaker 7: obsessed and I just wanted more of that. I wanted
• 22:17
  Speaker 7: people to come to my show and feel like they
• 22:19
  Speaker 7: were safe to do so, and they would make friends
• 22:21
  Speaker 7: at my shows and the crowd. And I've seen this
• 22:24
  Speaker 7: happen like over the last like nine years.
• 22:26
  Speaker 6: Yeah, So I.
• 22:27
  Speaker 7: Think part and part soul of building that is letting
• 22:30
  Speaker 7: people know where you stand on almost everything.
• 22:35
  Speaker 6: Like I think there are some.
• 22:37
  Speaker 7: Things that I don't blame or shame my peers for
• 22:41
  Speaker 7: not speaking up on because you know, it's fucking hard
• 22:45
  Speaker 7: doing this. But I think in the long run, and
• 22:49
  Speaker 7: I've lost fans along the way, and that's going to happen,
• 22:51
  Speaker 7: is you have like a longer career, you're going to
• 22:54
  Speaker 7: lose people. Like the more that you exist and aren't
• 22:59
  Speaker 7: just like cookie cut and you're a fully formed human being,
• 23:03
  Speaker 7: I think you're going to lose.
• 23:04
  Speaker 6: People and that's okay. I think that's healthy.
• 23:08
  Speaker 7: But you're going to like remain with the people that
• 23:10
  Speaker 7: have been there from the jump, that always understood you
• 23:13
  Speaker 7: and you understand them and then like attract the people
• 23:16
  Speaker 7: that you want over time.
• 23:17
  Speaker 5: Do you feel at thirty five years old? This is
• 23:20
  Speaker 5: a weird question. It's not a weird question, but it's direct.
• 23:22
  Speaker 5: Do you feel like a woman?
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 23:25
  Speaker 6: I do?
• 23:26
  Speaker 7: Now.
• 23:26
  Speaker 6: I thought you were going to say, like, do you
• 23:27
  Speaker 6: feel old? Because I do? Most is but I yeah,
• 23:31
  Speaker 6: I do because.
• 23:32
  Speaker 7: I think I started doing this so young. I think
• 23:37
  Speaker 7: we talked about this the last time we spoke, you know,
• 23:39
  Speaker 7: in an interview for Matt It was like, I've been
• 23:42
  Speaker 7: touring since I was twelve, So and you lovey.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: She loves it.
• 23:48
  Speaker 7: She loves it, she loves being on the road. I
• 23:50
  Speaker 7: just love the I love the show. Like the energy
• 23:54
  Speaker 7: I get from that. It just feels like a healthy
• 23:58
  Speaker 7: version of like the churches I grew up in. And
• 24:03
  Speaker 7: I think that connection to an energy like that is
• 24:07
  Speaker 7: just it's addictive, yes, but it's also like extremely therapeutic.
• 24:11
  Speaker 7: And so yes, I love the road. But yeah, I'm
• 24:14
  Speaker 7: thirty five now, I have a five year old I've
• 24:17
  Speaker 7: been divorced. Now, Yeah, I feel like a woman. What
• 24:21
  Speaker 7: are the boxes I'm ticking?
• 24:24
  Speaker 6: I love living alone?
• 24:26
  Speaker 7: Yeah, like I love having my space. Is that's very sacred.
• 24:31
  Speaker 7: I think, just like not sharing a closet with someone
• 24:34
  Speaker 7: or a bathroom counter, I can have all my shit everywhere. Yeah,
• 24:38
  Speaker 7: I mean that feels very womanly to me. It's just
• 24:41
  Speaker 7: like the liberation of home, like space in your house.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so nice to be alone, isn't it.
• 24:48
  Speaker 5: It's so nice to have your own space and be
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: alone anytime I have a boyfriend or share or we
• 24:53
  Speaker 5: go on vacation together. Because I won't live with anyone again.
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: I hope I never do until I'm in a facility,
• 25:00
  Speaker 5: and then I'll live with my and then i'll live
• 25:02
  Speaker 5: with my boyfriend who will be twenty years younger, taking
• 25:04
  Speaker 5: care of me for a fee my mail nurse that
• 25:08
  Speaker 5: I'm totally happy to pay as a transaction. But I
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: didn't start feeling and I think I guess motherhood also
• 25:13
  Speaker 5: plays a very strong component, because I think once you
• 25:16
  Speaker 5: have a baby, there is a sense of womanhood that
• 25:19
  Speaker 5: comes on. But I didn't start to feel like a
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: real woman until I was in my forties. I always
• 25:23
  Speaker 5: felt like this little girl energy, like you know, Punky
• 25:25
  Speaker 5: Brewster esque, Like, oh you know.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: I'm still not really responsible.
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: I have all of these things, and I have all
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: these people that help me do all these things, but
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: even though I'm running the whole thing, I don't feel
• 25:37
  Speaker 5: like a woman. And so I think it's interesting to
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: find out what ages women do start to feel that way.
• 25:43
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean, I totally get what you're saying, because
• 25:45
  Speaker 7: I do still have this like zest and like energizer
• 25:49
  Speaker 7: bunny esqueness to me, but or maybe on the sort
• 25:53
  Speaker 7: of negative space of that is like again the people
• 25:57
  Speaker 7: pleasing thing or just like the former in me and
• 26:02
  Speaker 7: every element of my life, like it's exhausting, but it's
• 26:06
  Speaker 7: just so hard to break that pattern of myself and
• 26:09
  Speaker 7: like even in relationships, like romantic relationships, feeling like they
• 26:14
  Speaker 7: need the best version of me, like especially off the bat,
• 26:18
  Speaker 7: like no flaws, no downsides, like everything's peachy, and then
• 26:23
  Speaker 7: you're like, oh my god, like they're gonna fucking ruin
• 26:26
  Speaker 7: it anyways, So just show them all your cards, explore
• 26:31
  Speaker 7: healthy detachment. But I yeah, I mean I feel like
• 26:35
  Speaker 7: a woman. But also like I bet when I turned
• 26:36
  Speaker 7: forty in a couple of years, I'll be like that
• 26:40
  Speaker 7: one was an idiot, like the thirty five version.
• 26:43
  Speaker 6: So no, I'll be proud at any milestone.
• 26:47
  Speaker 7: But I do think like there is something yeah with motherhood,
• 26:51
  Speaker 7: but also just like anything like divorce, where it's a
• 26:55
  Speaker 7: failure of the promise and the plan that was made initially,
• 27:01
  Speaker 7: but it's it's also like a success. And I don't
• 27:04
  Speaker 7: want to like sugarcoat it, like it's not fun to
• 27:08
  Speaker 7: go through this. And like also in a public way,
• 27:12
  Speaker 7: have like friends and family that you haven't spoken to
• 27:14
  Speaker 7: in years, like reaching out to you about something in
• 27:17
  Speaker 7: TMZ that feels so private, but like shit happens. It's
• 27:22
  Speaker 7: part of the job. I just think I've earned my
• 27:25
  Speaker 7: stripes through that.
• 27:26
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and you can also divorce in a very successful way.
• 27:29
  Speaker 5: So it is a success by many stand and by
• 27:31
  Speaker 5: many measures without referring, you know, to the end of
• 27:34
  Speaker 5: a marriage that in and of itself could be a
• 27:37
  Speaker 5: success when it's not a healthy marriage. So yeah, our
• 27:39
  Speaker 5: whole language around all of it should just be flipped
• 27:42
  Speaker 5: and flip it and reverse it.
• 27:44
  Speaker 6: That's so true.
• 27:45
  Speaker 7: I think also because we're over a year out now,
• 27:49
  Speaker 7: like my ex and I and we obviously have our
• 27:51
  Speaker 7: son to co parent, like we get along now and have.
• 27:54
  Speaker 6: Moved past a lot of it.
• 27:56
  Speaker 7: But we're neighbors and I'm just so fortunate that we
• 28:01
  Speaker 7: like have put our son above each other's shit and
• 28:05
  Speaker 7: like can truly and it's better for the two of
• 28:07
  Speaker 7: us if we're getting along obviously as well as like
• 28:10
  Speaker 7: co parenting our son. But yeah, I mean, I'm lucky that,
• 28:13
  Speaker 7: you know, we love each other so much still and
• 28:16
  Speaker 7: we have like the highest respect. But also there is
• 28:20
  Speaker 7: that like devastation that like two people that love each
• 28:23
  Speaker 7: other that much they can't make it work in the
• 28:25
  Speaker 7: real world. It's always going to be multifaceted. But I
• 28:29
  Speaker 7: think ultimately, like we both knew it was probably going
• 28:32
  Speaker 7: to be better this way, which is a success, totally.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: Absolutely. I'm not No, we're going to take a break
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: and we'll be right back with Maren Morris.
• 28:45
  Speaker 5: And we're back with Maren Morris, who has a new
• 28:47
  Speaker 5: album called Dreams to Call and then she's touring all over.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: So go to Maremorris dot com to get tickets.
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: Okay, we have some callers, Maren, are you ready, Catherine,
• 28:56
  Speaker 5: are you ready?
• 28:56
  Speaker 8: Yes?
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: Well, this first one is just an email, but Jess says,
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: dear Chelsea, I've been friends with this girl, let's call
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: her Molly, for fourish years now. We met through mutual
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: friends while I was in grad school, and our partners
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: get along very well too. We've stayed in touch a lot,
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: with bi annual trips to see each other.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: After I moved out of the town where we met.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: Fast forward to two years ago.
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: She's getting married and wants to do a big bachelorette
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: trip out of state. I took it upon myself to
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: essentially plan the entire thing. She was relieved to have
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: the help. The trip went very well, followed by travel
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: to their wedding later that year. All that to say,
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: I spent a lot of time, money, and energy on
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: her wedding. It was a big weekend for me too.
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: The day after her wedding, my fiance popped the question.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: He planned a little trip and it was just the
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: two of us.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: He did get.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: Permission from the groom in advance.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: When I got engaged, Molly was happy for me, but
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: did not express any explicit interest in the details of
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: my wedding planning. The next time I saw her was
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: on a friend's trip six months later. She did not
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: ask to see my ring, nor did she ask any
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: details about my engagement, which is crazy to me. If
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: I care about some one, I'm curious about a big
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: moment like that. She in fact expressed some annoyance at
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: the timing of the engagement, possibly taking away from the
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: quote unquote specialness of her weekend. About a week after
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: that trip, she said she could not arrive at my
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: wedding a day early for a bachelorette celebration as she
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: couldn't get the time off work. Then today I receive
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: a text with her essentially saying they might not make
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: it to the wedding due to finances. I'm frustrated and confused.
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: She has a great job as a lawyer, so it's
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: not really adding up without a firm RSVP. How do
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: I know whether I should plan the tables and a
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: meal for her and her husband? And it's a lot
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: of money to waste if they don't end up coming.
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: Should I address it with her or not? Even bother? Sincerely, Jess.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: Wait, so the proposal took place right the day after the.
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: Day was the wedding, but like in a totally different place,
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: Like it wasn't like at the post wedding brunch sort
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: of thing.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: It was far away. Oh okay, And he cleared it
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: with the groom, which I don't think he should have
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: had to do by. Why did he do so?
• 30:54
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that was the first mistake, clearing it with the groom.
• 30:56
  Speaker 5: I thought it was on the grounds like the brunchiest.
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: I clarified that with her and she was like, no, no,
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: it was like hours away and just.
• 31:04
  Speaker 5: I mean, you could ignore it, but I would go
• 31:06
  Speaker 5: at it directly head on and just send her an
• 31:08
  Speaker 5: email going it's clear that you're clear that you're annoyed.
• 31:11
  Speaker 5: You've showed that you've been annoyed with me for getting
• 31:13
  Speaker 5: engaged after your wedding.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: I did not plan this proposal. My husband did. Okay,
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: so hey, these are the facts.
• 31:22
  Speaker 5: B I went above and beyond for your wedding, as
• 31:24
  Speaker 5: I would do again. Like you know, you say, say
• 31:27
  Speaker 5: all of this with as much gentleness and love as
• 31:29
  Speaker 5: you can because you're talking to somebody who's basically having
• 31:32
  Speaker 5: a little bit of a tantrum. And I would do
• 31:34
  Speaker 5: it again. I was happy to be there. I was
• 31:37
  Speaker 5: happy to throw your engate, your bachelorette weekend or whatever
• 31:40
  Speaker 5: she threw for herr shower. Yeah however she wants to
• 31:43
  Speaker 5: call it or whatever it was.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, bachelorette, Yeah you got it, and I was there.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: I was happy for you.
• 31:48
  Speaker 5: It's really disheartening to see you being wawfully about my
• 31:53
  Speaker 5: wedding when you know that the costs that go into
• 31:55
  Speaker 5: a wedding. You understand when somebody isn't going to be there.
• 31:58
  Speaker 5: The fact that you're not coming in for my bachelor
• 32:00
  Speaker 5: weekend after I threw you one hurts. The fact that
• 32:02
  Speaker 5: you're not sure if you can come to my wedding
• 32:04
  Speaker 5: hurts again.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: I did not.
• 32:06
  Speaker 5: Propose to my husband. He proposed to me. It wasn't
• 32:09
  Speaker 5: at your wedding, it was after your wedding. Like, these
• 32:12
  Speaker 5: are things that are not going to matter in six months.
• 32:14
  Speaker 5: I would just be very direct so that you can
• 32:16
  Speaker 5: get you know, really, just call her on her shit
• 32:18
  Speaker 5: and get a direct response so that you don't have
• 32:20
  Speaker 5: to worry about it. Just let me know either way,
• 32:23
  Speaker 5: if you can't come to the wedding, Okay, that's disappointing too,
• 32:26
  Speaker 5: but please let me know so I can save the money,
• 32:28
  Speaker 5: you know. And I really hope one day you can
• 32:31
  Speaker 5: get past this, because I find this to be very silly.
• 32:35
  Speaker 5: We were all there for your wedding, we were all present,
• 32:37
  Speaker 5: and now I feel like I'm being punished for being
• 32:39
  Speaker 5: proposed to.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: That's a good line.
• 32:41
  Speaker 6: That's how it feels. What do you think, Maren, It's
• 32:43
  Speaker 6: just so weird that all this happened planned her whole
• 32:46
  Speaker 6: bachelorette showed up and like celebrated her, and then they
• 32:51
  Speaker 6: didn't see each other for six months. That feels weird.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: Too, because they don't live in the same town.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: Oh got it, got it? Yeah, they live a little
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: bit farther apart.
• 32:59
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean's right.
• 33:00
  Speaker 7: I think just approaching it directly, even though it's gonna
• 33:03
  Speaker 7: suck to hit send because it's like, oh god, like
• 33:06
  Speaker 7: I'm really coming out her a little bit assortibly. But
• 33:09
  Speaker 7: it does cost money when people know show on a
• 33:11
  Speaker 7: wedding and the table setting and like the food and drink,
• 33:15
  Speaker 7: and it's like just out of courtesy even that alone,
• 33:18
  Speaker 7: even if she hadn't planned the bachelorette, it's like you
• 33:21
  Speaker 7: are SVP no right and whatever. But yeah, I think,
• 33:26
  Speaker 7: just like be direct and she might think that you're
• 33:29
  Speaker 7: like attacking her, but I don't think.
• 33:32
  Speaker 6: I don't think any of us do. So just clear
• 33:35
  Speaker 6: your mind.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: No and say it with love. Start it with like, hey,
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: this is coming from love.
• 33:41
  Speaker 5: I definitely feel some tension between us, and this is
• 33:44
  Speaker 5: what I'm deducing. You know, you can say as softly
• 33:46
  Speaker 5: as you want to. I'm saying it directly, but you
• 33:49
  Speaker 5: can actually make it much softer. But why not if
• 33:52
  Speaker 5: she's not going to be your friend, find out now?
• 33:54
  Speaker 5: And if if she's ever gonna get caught. People need
• 33:56
  Speaker 5: to be called out on their silly behavior. She's acting
• 33:58
  Speaker 5: like a child. If she's really upset about that, you know,
• 34:01
  Speaker 5: which she probably won't. She may not admit, she may
• 34:05
  Speaker 5: pretend it's about something else, you know what I mean,
• 34:07
  Speaker 5: because it is embarrassing to admit you're upset about something.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: So so what's the word I'm thinking of? Trifle?
• 34:13
  Speaker 6: No?
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: Is that a truffle?
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: Trifling?
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: Silly fling, silly, stupid truffles? Truffles? I don't know whatever
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: I feel like.
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: Also, if she still is waffling after you directly ask
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: her like, hey, I need an RSVP and she's like, well,
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: we'd like I think I would say like a no,
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: is okay if we'd love to have you there, but
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: if you really can't, please just let me know, and
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: like we'll assume that you're not gonna come.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: Let's just plan on you.
• 34:36
  Speaker 5: You could do it that and just like yeah, you
• 34:38
  Speaker 5: could also frame it only like that, like listen, it's
• 34:40
  Speaker 5: obvious that you have some issue with me, and not
• 34:43
  Speaker 5: even get into the details and say it's obviously there's
• 34:46
  Speaker 5: some issue here. I'm assuming you're upset about the proposal date,
• 34:49
  Speaker 5: but whether that's really not in my control, that I
• 34:52
  Speaker 5: didn't have any control over that, and you're waffling back
• 34:55
  Speaker 5: and forth about even coming to my wedding. While that's
• 34:57
  Speaker 5: really hurtful. I think what you're trying to say to me,
• 35:00
  Speaker 5: you're not coming. You know, you could do it that
• 35:02
  Speaker 5: way and like make it more of a closed dooring, and.
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: You can even blame it on like the wedding planner,
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: Like the wedding planner needs a firm RSVP one way
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: or the other, So like let me know by X date,
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: especially if it's after the actual RSVP date. Well, our
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: next color is Mike, he says. Dear Chelsea. I followed
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: Chelsea from back in the Gray Goose Days to Belvedere.
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: I really respect your point of view on things, and
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: you being a girl's girl is pretty cool. I'm a
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: trans man, which I'm not usually comfortable saying or even
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: typing out loud. I've always identified as a straight guy.
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: I'm forty four, and back in my day, it was
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: all about being stealth. The world is different these days.
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: I've been with my wife for eighteen years, married together
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: for twenty five. We have an eight year old, and
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: now the two of us are in the process of
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: a divorce. She's been running on emotions, making it legally
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: hard for me financially too, and adding extra stress with
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: our son. I never would have thought we'd be here.
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: I took my veowl seriously, thinking I was protecting my
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: son and me. I have an attorney, but I'm scared
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: shitless to see what's to come. Do you have anything
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: to to help me maintain focus to get through this
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: with my son? Yet positive enough to not let all
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: this negativity affect my well being. I see it taking over,
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: but I'm getting through. Best wishes, Mike.
• 36:10
  Speaker 8: Hi, Mike, Hey, how are you doing? Chelsea?
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: Hi?
• 36:14
  Speaker 5: This is our special guest Maaron Morris, who joins us today.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: How how are you doing.
• 36:19
  Speaker 8: I'm doing. I'm happy to be here and I'm you know,
• 36:24
  Speaker 8: looking forward to hear what you know? Where you have
• 36:26
  Speaker 8: to welfare? I'm sorry it out.
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: Okay, no, no, no, So you're you're it's an acrimonious divorce.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: I take it.
• 36:36
  Speaker 8: Yeah, I kind of like neither one of us really
• 36:40
  Speaker 8: did anything, you know, so to speak, that that really
• 36:44
  Speaker 8: it was like, oh my god, you know you cheated
• 36:46
  Speaker 8: or anything like that that really broke us. I think
• 36:49
  Speaker 8: we've been together since we were young, and we didn't
• 36:51
  Speaker 8: really have proper guidance, and we went through a lot,
• 36:53
  Speaker 8: you know, like there was a lot of death, guilt,
• 36:57
  Speaker 8: a lot of things that I don't think I appropriately
• 37:00
  Speaker 8: dealt with or neither Itchy and I think we were
• 37:02
  Speaker 8: both a little emotionally irresponsible as well as financially, and
• 37:06
  Speaker 8: I think it kind of caught up to us and
• 37:09
  Speaker 8: it was a lot of stuff we never dealt with
• 37:12
  Speaker 8: coming to a head, and you know, unfortunately, you know,
• 37:16
  Speaker 8: this is where we are, and it's just like I
• 37:18
  Speaker 8: don't even know what to do or how to handle it.
• 37:22
  Speaker 8: I realized I'm very upset and how things are proceeding,
• 37:25
  Speaker 8: but I'm trying not to get angry. I've related to
• 37:29
  Speaker 8: you for many years, like you've like helped me through
• 37:32
  Speaker 8: a lot of this stuff, and I went through it
• 37:34
  Speaker 8: like it was just like your show Finding You was
• 37:40
  Speaker 8: kind of just awesome, like you know, I would just
• 37:41
  Speaker 8: kind of veg out and watch it, and you know,
• 37:44
  Speaker 8: it was a instruction from life, and at that time,
• 37:46
  Speaker 8: it was just like a long time ago at this
• 37:48
  Speaker 8: point really like work stuff, you know, just regular life.
• 37:51
  Speaker 8: And then like I started realizing, like I started like
• 37:55
  Speaker 8: not appreciating the little things, and I think a lot
• 37:57
  Speaker 8: of it just came to my head. And when I
• 37:59
  Speaker 8: was ready to deal with that, she wasn't. And now
• 38:02
  Speaker 8: I don't know who she's become. You know, it's scary.
• 38:06
  Speaker 5: Have you been able to have a conversation with her.
• 38:08
  Speaker 5: Are you able to have a conversation with her about
• 38:11
  Speaker 5: how you're feeling and about moving forward in like a
• 38:14
  Speaker 5: loving way for the benefit of your son and accepting
• 38:18
  Speaker 5: that the relationship is over, but also understanding that there
• 38:22
  Speaker 5: can be a new relationship moving forward so that you
• 38:24
  Speaker 5: can honor the family unit that you had.
• 38:28
  Speaker 8: I try, you know, and it's like I've tried like
• 38:31
  Speaker 8: several different approaches because I used to, you know, I know,
• 38:34
  Speaker 8: like where I did my wrong short of speakers, not
• 38:37
  Speaker 8: taking care of myself and I went through a lot
• 38:40
  Speaker 8: of loss. And I had mentioned that I'm a trans guy.
• 38:43
  Speaker 8: I don't think like you know, like I always know
• 38:45
  Speaker 8: she accepted that, but there was a lot of things
• 38:47
  Speaker 8: that I don't think I really accepted, you know. And
• 38:49
  Speaker 8: when I was younger, I came out as like a
• 38:52
  Speaker 8: trans guy. I was part of this community and the city,
• 38:55
  Speaker 8: and I would go on talks and really encourage people.
• 38:58
  Speaker 8: And then like it was like I found this beautiful
• 39:00
  Speaker 8: girl in Long Island who was really straight, you know,
• 39:04
  Speaker 8: and it was like all about being stealth, and she
• 39:07
  Speaker 8: fell in love with me and accepted me. And I
• 39:10
  Speaker 8: just can't believe twenty five years later, like going through
• 39:13
  Speaker 8: all this stuff, like we're here, you know, and our
• 39:16
  Speaker 8: son is the most precious thing in the world. He's
• 39:19
  Speaker 8: non verbal, he's autistic, and he really needs us more
• 39:23
  Speaker 8: than most little guys and girls, you know, and it
• 39:26
  Speaker 8: is a shame, and I don't know, you know, I
• 39:28
  Speaker 8: needed to become humble and how I relate to you
• 39:32
  Speaker 8: as well as there are things that I felt like
• 39:33
  Speaker 8: were so important to say and I needed to be heard,
• 39:37
  Speaker 8: and I needed to take a lot of steps back,
• 39:39
  Speaker 8: and I think I kind of took him too late.
• 39:40
  Speaker 8: You know.
• 39:42
  Speaker 5: That's okay, though, That's okay. Everything's it's okay. All of
• 39:45
  Speaker 5: these things that you're saying, are okay. It's part of
• 39:48
  Speaker 5: your life and it's part of how you deal with it.
• 39:50
  Speaker 5: Do you have a therapist?
• 39:52
  Speaker 8: I do, and it's it's been great to have that
• 39:55
  Speaker 8: and to see that that help and the self reflection
• 39:59
  Speaker 8: is amazing. And I mean, like I have a lot
• 40:01
  Speaker 8: of work to do, don't get me wrong, but even
• 40:03
  Speaker 8: like stepping out, what encourage me to email you is
• 40:05
  Speaker 8: I would and saw you by myself. That's something I
• 40:08
  Speaker 8: never would have done. I would a ticket to see
• 40:11
  Speaker 8: you in King's Theater. My english was messed in that emails,
• 40:14
  Speaker 8: like compleaning it up Catherine, because I was just so
• 40:17
  Speaker 8: excited that I was doing it, and I was like,
• 40:19
  Speaker 8: you know, it's good. I'm going to reach out and
• 40:20
  Speaker 8: just let her know it, you know. Like so just
• 40:23
  Speaker 8: like that alone was a huge step for me to
• 40:26
  Speaker 8: just humble, be humble, like to be able to walk
• 40:29
  Speaker 8: in there humble but confident. You know, I lost both
• 40:32
  Speaker 8: and I think that was part of what she fell
• 40:33
  Speaker 8: in love with me. And I want us to kind
• 40:36
  Speaker 8: of kind of regroup, like I even heard of like
• 40:39
  Speaker 8: co parenting counseling, Like all right, we accept, you know,
• 40:42
  Speaker 8: marriage is over. We're gonna, you know, live apart, but
• 40:45
  Speaker 8: like there are so many resources. I even brought her
• 40:47
  Speaker 8: a rage room, you know, and maybe we have like
• 40:49
  Speaker 8: anger or resentment, like banging out, you know, hit some
• 40:52
  Speaker 8: stuff like you know, you just like I don't even
• 40:55
  Speaker 8: know how to navigate this at all, you.
• 40:57
  Speaker 5: Know, And Okay, well it's one step at a time.
• 41:00
  Speaker 5: First of all, you have to take it one step
• 41:01
  Speaker 5: at a time. How old were you when you transitioned?
• 41:05
  Speaker 8: So is interesting, That's an interesting question. I think I
• 41:07
  Speaker 8: always knew. By the first time I introduced myself, I
• 41:12
  Speaker 8: was very lucky. I was going I was probably like
• 41:15
  Speaker 8: ten to eleven going into sixth grade. I was so lucky.
• 41:18
  Speaker 8: I was in the movie seeing Terminator two, whatever year
• 41:20
  Speaker 8: that was about, and I saw a girl that I liked,
• 41:23
  Speaker 8: and she assumed, you know, like I got my haircut short.
• 41:26
  Speaker 8: And I was very, very fortunate transition wise. But now
• 41:31
  Speaker 8: later in life, I almost feel too fortunate.
• 41:33
  Speaker 5: If that's weird or not, well, it sounds to me
• 41:36
  Speaker 5: like what you're missing is like there's a lot of
• 41:39
  Speaker 5: delayed grief that's coming up that sounds like it's probably
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: related to your transition and not getting the appropriate therapy
• 41:47
  Speaker 5: going through that transition, like you saying you were lucky
• 41:50
  Speaker 5: to go through that. What the experience you're talking about
• 41:54
  Speaker 5: would also kind of masks like, Okay, okay, I can
• 41:58
  Speaker 5: do this, I can do this, it was not no
• 41:59
  Speaker 5: big deal. And when it is a big deal, when
• 42:02
  Speaker 5: there are feelings that you need to digest and you
• 42:04
  Speaker 5: need to understand about yourself, there's going to be a
• 42:07
  Speaker 5: lot of emotion around that that you haven't experienced yet
• 42:10
  Speaker 5: that is necessary to go through otherwise it will tear
• 42:12
  Speaker 5: you apart.
• 42:14
  Speaker 8: I think you're right, like even crying like this is
• 42:17
  Speaker 8: new for me.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: That's good.
• 42:18
  Speaker 5: Though, it's good that you're crying. It's absolutely wonderful, Like
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: that's what you need to do more of is cry.
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: It gets it out of your body.
• 42:25
  Speaker 5: There's a grieving process that comes with transitioning, and if
• 42:28
  Speaker 5: it's not handled properly, this is the kind of thing
• 42:30
  Speaker 5: that can happen. And while it may seem like it's
• 42:33
  Speaker 5: your relationship and maybe it is, there's a lot of
• 42:36
  Speaker 5: stuff that creeps up on us from our younger years
• 42:38
  Speaker 5: when we don't address them. So I would really encourage
• 42:41
  Speaker 5: you to really speak with your therapist in a candid
• 42:45
  Speaker 5: way about all of this.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: I would also.
• 42:47
  Speaker 5: Encourage you to write down as much as you can
• 42:50
  Speaker 5: whenever you can, you know, really start journaling about how
• 42:53
  Speaker 5: you're feeling, and you're going to I feel like you're
• 42:56
  Speaker 5: going to realize that a lot these emotions are very
• 42:59
  Speaker 5: much tied to your emotions from being a younger person
• 43:02
  Speaker 5: and that haven't been fully examined. And while that may
• 43:06
  Speaker 5: not sound like a fun thing to do, it's a
• 43:08
  Speaker 5: necessary thing to do for your future and for moving
• 43:12
  Speaker 5: through this divorce in.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: A more amicable way.
• 43:15
  Speaker 5: And if you can approach your wife in a way
• 43:18
  Speaker 5: that is really loving. Do you think you can or
• 43:21
  Speaker 5: have you about moving forward in a more amicable way
• 43:24
  Speaker 5: in the name of your son.
• 43:26
  Speaker 8: I've tried, but I think my communication is just like off, yeah, off, exactly.
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 43:32
  Speaker 8: I don't think I'm approaching it at all the right
• 43:35
  Speaker 8: way and I just don't know how.
• 43:37
  Speaker 5: Okay, Well, can't you have your therapist? Can you have
• 43:39
  Speaker 5: a session with your therapist and your wife and have
• 43:42
  Speaker 5: her address the communication for both of you.
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: Wow?
• 43:46
  Speaker 8: Like I keep thinking wow, like this is you know
• 43:48
  Speaker 8: what I mean? Like this is incredible? Like I always
• 43:50
  Speaker 8: keep thinking it has to be like co parenting or
• 43:52
  Speaker 8: these couples like cat like something together. But I never
• 43:56
  Speaker 8: even thought of that. That is an amazing thing. And
• 43:58
  Speaker 8: I think you're right. My third is she's super supportive.
• 44:01
  Speaker 8: And I bet you yes, of one session just to
• 44:05
  Speaker 8: kind of get that communication.
• 44:06
  Speaker 5: Maybe more than one though, maybe more than one, and
• 44:08
  Speaker 5: also frame it to your wife, like, hey, listen, I'm
• 44:11
  Speaker 5: having I think I have a lot, a lot of
• 44:13
  Speaker 5: work to do on my communication, so I'm seeing a therapist.
• 44:17
  Speaker 5: It would really mean the world to me if you
• 44:19
  Speaker 5: could come in for a session and we can discuss
• 44:21
  Speaker 5: moving forward in the name of our child for the
• 44:24
  Speaker 5: purpose of co parenting in the future. I have accepted
• 44:28
  Speaker 5: that this relationship doesn't work for you.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: I we'm not going to fight you.
• 44:32
  Speaker 5: About that, and then you have to make that promise
• 44:35
  Speaker 5: that you're not going to try and like get her back.
• 44:37
  Speaker 5: And that's not what this is about. This is all
• 44:39
  Speaker 5: for the sanity and safety of your son.
• 44:41
  Speaker 8: Yeah, completely right. I try to open my home to her,
• 44:44
  Speaker 8: like even Easter Sunday, you know, Like it's like, even
• 44:47
  Speaker 8: if we could just spend an evening together, we could
• 44:49
  Speaker 8: let him see the Easter. It is what two holidays
• 44:51
  Speaker 8: a month that we celebrate Christmas and Easter. A kid,
• 44:53
  Speaker 8: you can't get that together, you know, Like I try
• 44:56
  Speaker 8: and encourage that, but then if we're not communicating right
• 44:58
  Speaker 8: and really being withridiculous, like he feels that. You know,
• 45:01
  Speaker 8: he's nonverbal too, so it's a little bit.
• 45:03
  Speaker 5: More of you probably know, nonverbal kids know more than
• 45:06
  Speaker 5: verbal kids anyway because their senses are so heightened. Yeah.
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: Have you listened to that podcast Telepathy Tapes?
• 45:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, absolutely about nonverbal Yeah, it's.
• 45:18
  Speaker 8: Incredible, And it's like, I just know how many questions
• 45:21
  Speaker 8: and even you are some of your like the questions
• 45:23
  Speaker 8: I add, you know, like imagine what's going through his head.
• 45:26
  Speaker 8: And it's like there are just so many things that
• 45:29
  Speaker 8: we just need to get on board on, like even
• 45:31
  Speaker 8: his therapies and schedules and whatever. It is, like we
• 45:35
  Speaker 8: just gotta gotta be hands on decade.
• 45:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah, And the way to get there is to get
• 45:38
  Speaker 5: yourself in a healthy place. So you have to double
• 45:41
  Speaker 5: down on your therapy, double down on your journaling, start
• 45:45
  Speaker 5: meditating for about ten minutes a day just to get
• 45:47
  Speaker 5: yourself centered. Just get a download to Deepak Choprah's app,
• 45:51
  Speaker 5: download Headspace, download whatever.
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: Ten percent happier there's a million.
• 45:56
  Speaker 5: They'll guide your meditation, they will tell you what to
• 45:59
  Speaker 5: think about, what to focus on, and and just get
• 46:02
  Speaker 5: yourself into It's okay to have these emotions. It's important
• 46:06
  Speaker 5: that you go through this grief. But it's really important
• 46:09
  Speaker 5: that you don't take this out on anyone else.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: Like that.
• 46:12
  Speaker 5: You take your wife to your couple's therapist, and if
• 46:16
  Speaker 5: she wants to go to one of hers, that's fine too.
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: If she'd rather go to someone she knows, great, whatever.
• 46:21
  Speaker 5: This is all in the name of better communication, and
• 46:24
  Speaker 5: your communication is going to get better if that's what
• 46:26
  Speaker 5: you choose to focus on in therapy and with your wife.
• 46:29
  Speaker 5: So that's your first step. And then I want you
• 46:31
  Speaker 5: to call us in about six weeks and give us
• 46:33
  Speaker 5: an update.
• 46:34
  Speaker 8: Oh gosh, all right, Homeorks, Yeah, you got it.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: You have homework. This is serious.
• 46:39
  Speaker 8: Yeah, this is really serious. And it's six weeks definitely.
• 46:42
  Speaker 8: That's that hits us right on the head too. I'm
• 46:44
  Speaker 8: gonna be going back to court and uh trying not
• 46:47
  Speaker 8: to cry.
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: It's okay, it's okay to right.
• 46:51
  Speaker 8: And it's and I know she's good in there and
• 46:54
  Speaker 8: so am I. And it just sucks, like, how do
• 46:56
  Speaker 8: you like just separate that emotion, put the proper boundaries
• 46:59
  Speaker 8: up to move for you know, and I think I
• 47:02
  Speaker 8: had never thought of that to that's huge. To even
• 47:05
  Speaker 8: suggest that to my therapist, that's a huge step. Like, hey,
• 47:08
  Speaker 8: just come you know, she knows that I've been with
• 47:10
  Speaker 8: my therapist for a long time now, Like just come
• 47:12
  Speaker 8: on in and just have it communicate and child in
• 47:15
  Speaker 8: the proper way. That's a huge step.
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's huge.
• 47:18
  Speaker 8: I appreciate that advice because you're just looking in and
• 47:20
  Speaker 8: getting me set straight right now. That's what I needed
• 47:23
  Speaker 8: from me. I need you to get me focused.
• 47:26
  Speaker 5: Maren shares custody with her acts for her child. So Maren,
• 47:29
  Speaker 5: do you have any words of encouragement for him?
• 47:32
  Speaker 7: I mean, it's so clear that you both care about
• 47:35
  Speaker 7: your son so deeply, and that's like going to be
• 47:37
  Speaker 7: the thing that saves you through all of this grief,
• 47:40
  Speaker 7: and like the car crash that is divorced, it's like
• 47:42
  Speaker 7: the worst thing you can go through, and it's it's
• 47:45
  Speaker 7: a death. Now that I'm kind of on the other
• 47:48
  Speaker 7: side of it, and we are great co parents and
• 47:50
  Speaker 7: we've sort of let each other go in that romantic sense,
• 47:53
  Speaker 7: even though we still have so much love and history
• 47:56
  Speaker 7: and now a child to like, you know, be there
• 47:59
  Speaker 7: for I think I think I was saying earlier it's
• 48:02
  Speaker 7: like the person you marry is not the person that
• 48:04
  Speaker 7: you divorce on both ends, Like she might be thinking
• 48:07
  Speaker 7: that as well, and it's just that's like the hardest
• 48:09
  Speaker 7: part is knowing that it's not the same. But for
• 48:14
  Speaker 7: your son, I think the therapy idea, and obviously it's your therapist,
• 48:18
  Speaker 7: so she might come in feeling a little bit like
• 48:20
  Speaker 7: ganged up on. So I think the suggestion of if
• 48:23
  Speaker 7: it's someone she's more comfortable with, I think just as
• 48:26
  Speaker 7: long as there's a third party who's a professional in
• 48:29
  Speaker 7: the room being like holding you too accountable and giving
• 48:32
  Speaker 7: you tools on how to talk to each other, you
• 48:35
  Speaker 7: just fuel all of that self care and love and
• 48:38
  Speaker 7: like respect for yourself that is going to be so
• 48:42
  Speaker 7: apparent to her and your son this time, Like give
• 48:46
  Speaker 7: yourself the time to like be you know, a little
• 48:49
  Speaker 7: bit of a mess. It's grief, be sad, cry, journal,
• 48:53
  Speaker 7: meditate all the things. But I think, yeah, logistically, of course,
• 48:57
  Speaker 7: like get a session on the books where it's the
• 49:01
  Speaker 7: three of you, and I think that's just an amazing
• 49:03
  Speaker 7: way to go forward it, especially like if it's before
• 49:06
  Speaker 7: the court date and the judge, at least in Tennessee
• 49:10
  Speaker 7: ends up like telling you how to split the co
• 49:13
  Speaker 7: parenting schedule, and I will say, like, that's very bizarre,
• 49:17
  Speaker 7: but also gives me comfort to know that, Like, and
• 49:21
  Speaker 7: I think my ex husband as well, Like the state
• 49:24
  Speaker 7: has given us this split and we have to abide
• 49:27
  Speaker 7: by it. So there's no like, well do you get
• 49:29
  Speaker 7: easter or do I Like it's in writing and that
• 49:33
  Speaker 7: kind of just it takes us and our emotions out
• 49:36
  Speaker 7: of it, which is really helpful for both of us.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 49:38
  Speaker 7: It's like I won't say easy, and we do co
• 49:41
  Speaker 7: parents super well now, but like you just have to
• 49:44
  Speaker 7: allow yourself that time to feel all the feelings and
• 49:48
  Speaker 7: know that this is like a lot of probably residual
• 49:51
  Speaker 7: stuff coming up from like your transition and as time
• 49:55
  Speaker 7: it was so brave to do so, like before we
• 49:57
  Speaker 7: had all the resources and talks about trans people like
• 50:01
  Speaker 7: you were so ahead of that, Like and being a
• 50:04
  Speaker 7: champion for your community and yourself. I think like rekindling
• 50:08
  Speaker 7: that as well, like go out there with your community again,
• 50:12
  Speaker 7: like go do those talks again.
• 50:14
  Speaker 6: I think that'll bring you so much like empowerment.
• 50:17
  Speaker 8: You hit that on the head. So I recently started
• 50:19
  Speaker 8: joining some trans groups again and I was actually just
• 50:23
  Speaker 8: you know, so that starts actually.
• 50:24
  Speaker 6: Next week and amazing, Yeah, so.
• 50:27
  Speaker 8: You actually hit you guys are hitting air out of
• 50:29
  Speaker 8: the head. It's like a lot of that did come up,
• 50:31
  Speaker 8: I think because I felt like a lot and maybe
• 50:34
  Speaker 8: even put that pressure on her if she and I
• 50:36
  Speaker 8: can even get to that on her like that. She
• 50:40
  Speaker 8: accepted that and I put a lot of that on
• 50:42
  Speaker 8: her and I put her on a pedestal that way.
• 50:44
  Speaker 8: And now having a child, like like kind of what
• 50:47
  Speaker 8: you said, I realized one conditional love is not just
• 50:49
  Speaker 8: with the child with another person and kind of like
• 50:52
  Speaker 8: which is almost like a choice, but it is. It
• 50:55
  Speaker 8: is a choice and it isn't at the same time
• 50:58
  Speaker 8: like when you realized I'm conditional love. It's incredible and
• 51:01
  Speaker 8: I know deep Balncey has that for me. It's just
• 51:03
  Speaker 8: like what you guys are saying. You guys hitting it
• 51:04
  Speaker 8: on the head, and I appreciate it, like getting through
• 51:06
  Speaker 8: some of that residual resentment or whatever that we just
• 51:10
  Speaker 8: never dealt with. We never dealt with it. We just
• 51:14
  Speaker 8: we just I think got together very young and just
• 51:17
  Speaker 8: kind of kept shelling stuff and you know, getting through
• 51:19
  Speaker 8: having fun through it or distractions. It's not dealing with it,
• 51:22
  Speaker 8: you know.
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, Mike, will you check in with us in
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: about six weeks?
• 51:27
  Speaker 8: I sure will. I appreciate that. Thank you for that accountability.
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, take care of Mike.
• 51:33
  Speaker 8: All right, So fanculady so much. I really appreciate everything
• 51:37
  Speaker 8: it really, I'm really going to take it serious.
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: Good thanks, Mike, appreciate you. That was a very heavy
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: phone call. Well done everyone, well done.
• 51:47
  Speaker 7: But amazing too, Like you could just tell he knew
• 51:51
  Speaker 7: a lot of this already and is so self aware.
• 51:54
  Speaker 7: But also sometimes, like we were saying earlier, just someone
• 51:57
  Speaker 7: tell me what to.
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: Do next, Yes, exactly.
• 52:01
  Speaker 5: Well.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: Our next question comes from Ali.
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: She is twenty two. Dear Chelsea, my name is Ali.
• 52:08
  Speaker 3: I'm just starting out in music. I have the urge
• 52:10
  Speaker 3: to rush everything. I'm writing music whenever it comes to me,
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: and all I want to do is post it on
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: my Instagram to quote unquote prove something.
• 52:18
  Speaker 8: I know.
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: I have nothing to prove. Really, I know I can
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: do it. I'm currently looking to get back into school
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: since I had to take some time off from college
• 52:25
  Speaker 3: for mental health treatment. Music has been so amazing at
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: helping me process things and start to feel like myself again.
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: I wrote a lot of poetry and treatment that I
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: want to set to music, so that's a big motivator.
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: I'm starting piano lessons in June, and I'm studying music
• 52:38
  Speaker 3: theory till then. Any advice, what else should I study
• 52:41
  Speaker 3: to help better myself. I've flown the rainbow of different
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: self love practices, but how can I practice the art
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: of patients? Sincerely, Ali, Hi, Alio, it's good to see you.
• 52:53
  Speaker 5: This is Maren Morris, our special guest today. Perfect timing
• 52:55
  Speaker 5: for your question.
• 52:58
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean a great question because I think patience
• 53:03
  Speaker 7: is the hardest thing for me to deal with, because
• 53:06
  Speaker 7: I'm just so type A when it becomes about like
• 53:11
  Speaker 7: my decision making and like how do I get here?
• 53:14
  Speaker 7: Let's bring into action just like the thought of waiting
• 53:17
  Speaker 7: on something is so frustrating. But I think it's amazing that,
• 53:21
  Speaker 7: like at this age, you've discovered these new lanes of
• 53:25
  Speaker 7: like creativity and therapy. Also, I mean I cannot play
• 53:29
  Speaker 7: the piano, I can barely play the guitar, but like
• 53:32
  Speaker 7: if I didn't have that tool to write songs too.
• 53:36
  Speaker 7: I know there are people that can write songs without
• 53:38
  Speaker 7: playing an instrument, but I just find it so helpful
• 53:40
  Speaker 7: and like really liberating to not have to rely on
• 53:43
  Speaker 7: someone else to play the music for you. So I
• 53:46
  Speaker 7: think it's amazing that you like you have lessons planned. Yeah,
• 53:50
  Speaker 7: and the music theory thing is also like so helpful,
• 53:53
  Speaker 7: especially if you're getting into piano. Music theory will really
• 53:56
  Speaker 7: help you with that I'm like more ear trained with.
• 54:00
  Speaker 7: But yeah, I mean, I think it's wonderful. But I
• 54:04
  Speaker 7: think when I give advice, like to songwriters, the word
• 54:09
  Speaker 7: patience is always the first thing I say. It is
• 54:11
  Speaker 7: because there's so many people. I don't know if you're
• 54:15
  Speaker 7: wanting to do this like professionally or like just have
• 54:18
  Speaker 7: it for your own tool of healing. But yeah, I
• 54:22
  Speaker 7: just think like giving yourself the time to experience life
• 54:26
  Speaker 7: and be able to write through it, and also like
• 54:29
  Speaker 7: give yourself those days where like allow yourself to write
• 54:33
  Speaker 7: something terrible like that is so important is to like
• 54:38
  Speaker 7: tell yourself, this is not a reflection of my talent.
• 54:41
  Speaker 7: Some days I will write something that is so unlistenable
• 54:46
  Speaker 7: to anyone but me, and that's okay. Like I got
• 54:49
  Speaker 7: it out of the of the pipe, but like something
• 54:52
  Speaker 7: greater is behind it, hopefully. So yeah, like dare to
• 54:56
  Speaker 7: suck write a bad song, write like a shit piece
• 54:59
  Speaker 7: of poetry and just be like, Okay, that's off, onto
• 55:02
  Speaker 7: the next one.
• 55:04
  Speaker 5: I also think on the subject of patients, I have
• 55:06
  Speaker 5: no patience either. I have to work very, very hard
• 55:09
  Speaker 5: at my patients. But I understand that impulse to want
• 55:12
  Speaker 5: to share something that you think is great. But as
• 55:15
  Speaker 5: a twenty two year old artist, you have so much
• 55:17
  Speaker 5: room to grow. And I know that's not what you
• 55:21
  Speaker 5: want to hear because you think you're great now, right,
• 55:23
  Speaker 5: But you're only going to get greater. You're only going
• 55:26
  Speaker 5: to get better at your craft as you age, and
• 55:28
  Speaker 5: as you experience more and more songwriting and you sing more,
• 55:32
  Speaker 5: and you learn the piano and you learn and you
• 55:34
  Speaker 5: get to know yourself in a better way as an artist.
• 55:37
  Speaker 5: So when you're holding, when you have that impulse to share,
• 55:40
  Speaker 5: I have to put this on social. I have to
• 55:42
  Speaker 5: put this on social. Sometimes you should, and sometimes if
• 55:45
  Speaker 5: you just wait a day, wait like twenty four hours,
• 55:47
  Speaker 5: like start to train your brain. This is going to
• 55:49
  Speaker 5: be a big favorite to you as you get older
• 55:51
  Speaker 5: as an artist, wait a minute and digest it and
• 55:54
  Speaker 5: then listen to it again then the next day and think,
• 55:57
  Speaker 5: is this really something I want to put out there?
• 55:59
  Speaker 5: Because you're only going to get better at what you do,
• 56:01
  Speaker 5: so why not wait and make sure that it's as
• 56:04
  Speaker 5: good as it can get before you share everything that's happening.
• 56:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I think that's really important because we do live
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: in this culture of like, if I made something, I
• 56:13
  Speaker 3: have to put it out there for everyone to see,
• 56:15
  Speaker 3: and especially as you're this baby artist, like that can
• 56:18
  Speaker 3: be intimidating to say the very least of you know,
• 56:22
  Speaker 3: putting something in front of people. And I think there's
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: power in allowing it to be for yourself for a
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: little while and nurture yourself and let yourself grow.
• 56:30
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 56:31
  Speaker 9: I love all those sentiments I have with the urges.
• 56:35
  Speaker 9: It's like this urge to like show the process and.
• 56:38
  Speaker 10: Like how much I've improved, but really, like I like
• 56:41
  Speaker 10: what you were saying about like sitting on it and
• 56:43
  Speaker 10: then also writing the bad music, like it's all like
• 56:47
  Speaker 10: a part of the process.
• 56:49
  Speaker 5: It is, and you should write that down, just write
• 56:52
  Speaker 5: wait on a nice like index card or piece of paper.
• 56:55
  Speaker 5: I put it on your mirror and then really think
• 56:58
  Speaker 5: it through. Don't do things like listen. I am a
• 57:01
  Speaker 5: very impulsive person, but I've learned over the years, and
• 57:04
  Speaker 5: it took me a long time to learn this.
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: So you're twenty two.
• 57:07
  Speaker 5: So if you can take this advice and really stick
• 57:09
  Speaker 5: with it, you're gonna be even more successful than you
• 57:12
  Speaker 5: would have been had you not taken advice.
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: But wait, whenever you have an.
• 57:17
  Speaker 5: Impulse, just seriously sleep on it, look at it again
• 57:20
  Speaker 5: in the morning, and if you feel the same way,
• 57:22
  Speaker 5: then sure, put it out. But just don't do things
• 57:24
  Speaker 5: by like the seat of your pants. It's just not
• 57:26
  Speaker 5: as productive as people think it is.
• 57:29
  Speaker 7: Yeah, and Ali, Ali, Like, I will tell you a
• 57:31
  Speaker 7: quick story about how I have auditioned for every single
• 57:36
  Speaker 7: talent show that's on television. Like when I was a teenager,
• 57:39
  Speaker 7: my mom dragged me to American Idol Star Search, America's
• 57:43
  Speaker 7: Got Talent, The Voice. They all said no, And I
• 57:47
  Speaker 7: moved to Nashville when I was twenty three just to
• 57:49
  Speaker 7: write songs for other artists. And I didn't get a
• 57:54
  Speaker 7: record deal until I was twenty six, So like, thank god,
• 57:58
  Speaker 7: I didn't make it onto any of those shows because
• 58:01
  Speaker 7: I was so corny and not ready, like not ready
• 58:05
  Speaker 7: to be seen on a public level by any means,
• 58:08
  Speaker 7: and I just wouldn't have handled it well. But by
• 58:10
  Speaker 7: the time I was like twenty five is twenty six,
• 58:12
  Speaker 7: I was like, Okay, I know what my sound is.
• 58:14
  Speaker 7: And that's after also like fifteen years of touring that
• 58:17
  Speaker 7: I was like, it took me a second to learn
• 58:19
  Speaker 7: from other writers in Nashville, like how to write songs
• 58:22
  Speaker 7: and how to collaborate. So yeah, just like that was
• 58:25
  Speaker 7: my patient's lesson was thank god all these shows said
• 58:29
  Speaker 7: absolutely not to me, because now I think I'd be
• 58:32
  Speaker 7: I'd be cringing and like trying to scrub it from
• 58:35
  Speaker 7: the internet.
• 58:37
  Speaker 6: So it happens when it happens.
• 58:39
  Speaker 9: Yeah, yeah, I'm really reallyeved to hear that because like
• 58:43
  Speaker 9: I kind of am sitting on that too, because like
• 58:46
  Speaker 9: I have urages to like sign up for like try
• 58:49
  Speaker 9: you know those shows they were talking about.
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: It's I just.
• 58:52
  Speaker 10: Want to wait like till I am like feeling fully confident.
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: Yes, wait for that. It's coming. It's coming your way,
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: I promise.
• 59:01
  Speaker 3: And Mary, you bring up a really good point about
• 59:03
  Speaker 3: collaboration too. I would love to see you ali as
• 59:07
  Speaker 3: you're getting started in this, like find yourself a community
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: of musicians, find one or two other people who you
• 59:12
  Speaker 3: can like a jam with, like run things by because
• 59:15
  Speaker 3: it is such a collaborative process.
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: And as far as.
• 59:18
  Speaker 3: Posting stuff, like it's not to say you can't be recording,
• 59:20
  Speaker 3: because I think that's a great idea to be recording
• 59:23
  Speaker 3: your progress as you go, but like, don't feel pressure
• 59:25
  Speaker 3: to post right now.
• 59:27
  Speaker 8: Thank you.
• 59:28
  Speaker 9: That's really good to hear.
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: Oh well, good luck with everything. Thanks for calling in.
• 59:33
  Speaker 9: Thank you for giving all the experience.
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, of course.
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: We'll check in with you in six months.
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, thank you so much.
• 59:42
  Speaker 6: Awesome Sally.
• 59:43
  Speaker 5: You guys, I would review that as an A plus
• 59:45
  Speaker 5: call call and deliver great, great advice from an actual musician,
• 59:50
  Speaker 5: a successful musician, and me. Okay, we're going to take
• 59:58
  Speaker 5: a break. We're going to take a break and come
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 5: back and say goodbye to Maren Morris. Please tag me
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 5: for the special because I get so many tags about
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 5: my books, but I'm not getting as many about my special,
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 5: and my Special is the newest thing out, so I
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 5: want to make sure all my ardent fans are watching
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 5: it and tagging me, and I'll repost you and yes
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 5: it's called the Feeling, and we're back with Maren Morris.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 5: I want to just read a quote before we say
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 5: goodbye to Maren. This is with her new album Dreamsicle
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 5: Is comes out May ninth on all platforms, and this
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 5: is an album quote from Maren that I want to read.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 5: Dreamsicle takes place in the aftermath of loosening my grip
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 5: on my personal and professional life, sweeping through the pits
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 5: of grief but never staying too long, and finding the
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 5: joy in knowing that at my core, I'm still who
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 5: I am and that's pretty fucking great. No monster in
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 5: the mirror, no shame laid in decade or unraveling what happened,
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 5: just acceptance, release, and the reclaiming of how strong I've
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 5: always been, with no need to dim or water down
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 5: its essence any longer. Dreams the Call became less about
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 5: the hard lessons and more about enjoying the bumpy ride
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 5: and finding people who genuinely want to be on.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: It with you because they love you.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 5: It's about appreciating and respecting the beauty and nuances of
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 5: life while it's happening, not after it's too late. That's
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 5: really beautiful and I wanted to share that with all
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 5: of our listeners.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: Oh, thank you the spirit the spirit of your album.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I would say so.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 7: And I wrote that like three months ago, so I'm like,
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 7: I'm glad I still feel this way.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 7: I think it's just it's so tough to like put
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 7: work out and be like, is this like your magnum opus,
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 7: Like you just can't think about that. You just have
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 7: to write what you're going through and have the stones
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 7: to put it out and be received and loved and
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 7: critiqued and hated and all the shit. But it's like
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 7: you have to get it out of your body and
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 7: your mind, and I think, yeah, there is such a
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 7: release in that and not feeling like tethered to the
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 7: past or the like practice of nostalgia and just truly
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 7: being able to enjoy something while you're still in it.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 7: I mean, let's circle back when I'm forty and I'll
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 7: revisit that quote. But I feel proud of it.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: You should feel proud of it. I'm proud of you.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 5: And I don't even I don't say that in a
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 5: patronizing mother maternal way.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: I just mean, from woman to woman, I'm proud.
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 6: Well, same.
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: I'm going to try and catch you on tour.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 5: The tour starts July twelfth and shows she's doing US,
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 5: Europe and UK. So get your tickets at Marenmarris dot com.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 5: And I'm going to come find you, Maren and come
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 5: to one of your shows.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 7: Yes, yes, I know you saw me at the Pink Show,
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 7: but yes, this will be our stage.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah for sure. Yeah, we'll be back. So nice speaking
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: with you today.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 6: Thank you, yeah, thank you for having me.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: Have a great day y'all too. Bye, every buy.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 5: Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas. There are remaining dates
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 5: for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 5: in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 5: We will be the next date that I'm there July fifth,
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 5: August thirtieth.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: And then November one and twenty ninth.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 5: November one and November twenty ninth, I will be in
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 5: Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: thank you.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 3: Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 3: podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea pod.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea is edited and
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 3: Engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 3: sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com