Latest / Live 100 Podcast with Jason Yarusi / The One Negotiation You Will Always Lose

Transcript

The One Negotiation You Will Always Lose · Live 100 Podcast with Jason Yarusi

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: The biggest argument in our life.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: It turns out it doesn't happen with other people.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: You're negotiating with yourself.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's why today I want to talk about something that is everything that changed my life.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: I stopped negotiating with myself.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you should too.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Every promise that you break breaks your trust in yourself.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, people are always asking me, how do I become more confidence?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, confidence isn't built by just, well, let me get out my motivational video today and look at it.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's built by evidence.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's built by you saying you're going to do something and then doing it.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you look at success, the option that pops up is when there's no longer an option.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: All right, let's go.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: If you're tired of not feeling fit, tired of some of the focus, tired, just not having the light that you desire.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is what should be.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm JC Roosey.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know, in life, many of us think we think we're a great salesman, right?
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Or salespeople.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: We think that we can always get it across.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: We can sell.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: We can go and negotiate to put it favorably in our own light, right?
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: And we do this and we just really feel so good about how we do it.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: But one time we lose.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then the next time we try the same negotiation and it fails.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Then we come out in a different way.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And again, we fall short.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you ask this question, right?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Why is it that we keep failing?
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: What is it that's keeping us from, of course, the goal?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the biggest argument in our life.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: It turns out it doesn't happen with other people.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: You're negotiating yourself.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And you're asking yourself in your own head, the alarm goes off saying, Well, I just need five more minutes.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you should work out, or I'll do it tonight.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you should make the sales call and feel more prepared.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: But each and every time that negotiation falls just short.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: You should go apologize.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'll do it tomorrow.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: You have these goals that you say you should write down.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you never open up your journal.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: And every time you negotiate with yourself, it doesn't make you stronger.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: It actually makes it easier and easier the next time sort of let yourself off the hog.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's why today I want to talk about something that is everything that changed my life.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: I stopped negotiating with myself.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you should too.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing more important than telling yourself that you're going to do something and then turning around and doing it and looking back at that result and said, okay, I said I was going to do it and I showed up.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: The people who accomplish extraordinary things, they're they're just not the most talented.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: They're the ones that just stop making excuses for why they just can't show up and say and do exactly what it is that they're supposed to do.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's a story about an explorer, Hernán Cortes, when he landed in Mexico in 1519.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And according to the popular version of the story, he ordered his men to burn or scuttle their ships.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And if you think about that, why every detail happened like exactly this way or not, and maybe it's just some other parts that have changed through history, the lesson has endured for centuries because it's powerful.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: There's no retreat when the backup plan doesn't exist.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: No, we'll try this in a few weeks.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, okay.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: The direction is only forward.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us we keep our ships sitting safely at the harbor and we leave ourselves just an easy exit.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you know what?
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: I could just do it next week.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: That workout I was supposed to have.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just a little tired from last night.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: I stayed up a little late, so I'll start it tomorrow.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: That call or that, you know, start of that new journey for potentially starting a new company or going exploring a property.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, my schedule got a little tight.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'll just see if I can fit it in on the weekend.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'll start next month.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: And when it gets a little hard or a little c uncomfortable or just gets outside your threshold for how you like it, you quit.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: If the market changes, you'll come up with the story, oh, the market is just too low right now or it's too high right now.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I just I'm just gonna wait for it just to come back in my favor.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: And if you look at success, the option that pops up is when there's no longer an option.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: One of my favorite historical examples from the Roman Emperor and of course, you know, Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: He wrote in his journal something that still resonates 2,000 years later.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you can think about this, if you can think about at the moment, he wasn't writing this for us.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: He was running this for himself.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And he wrote at dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself, I have to go to work as a human being.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now you look at those words and you think about that, right?
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not go to work and just do your nine to five, right?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't have this nine to five where they had this commute, right?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: He was saying he had to get up and put in the work on himself.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: That each and every day he had to improve.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And these ways to improve was just simply part where you didn't feel like getting out of bed, where, you know, you could just hit that snooze button, or it's rainy hour, it's cold, or it's too hot, or you're just not looking forward or dreading the day.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: You still got to get up and do it.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: You still have to get up and work in yourself.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: And even one of the most powerful men in history didn't wake up every morning flowing with this motivation to get up and go.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: He had the same doubts, the same conversation with himself, you know, saying, oh man, should I do it or shouldn't?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: But the difference, he didn't negotiate.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: He reminded himself of his duty.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Your feelings, they don't determine your responsibilities.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I think about this every morning.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Third morning, I don't want to get up.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: There are mornings, I don't want to train.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: There's mornings where I just wish, you know, I could just get through the day and just get back to this.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: There are mornings when I'd rather just, you know, do anything, but get up and get after it.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And the difference, it's not suddenly where I'm like, oh, well, now I feel motivated, so here we go.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's the difference that I've made a decision long ago that I've built a habit that now performs whether I want to or not.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: So when the alarm rings, the decision has already been made.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: And the discipline, it is what it is.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: I've built it based on the habits.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: And it's in making fewer decisions because you've decided that you're not going to negotiate and lobby with yourself.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Think about athletes.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know an Olympic athlete that wakes up every single day excited to train?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Could you imagine the training regimen they're on?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: That each and every day they're pushing past their threshold, pushing past their comfort zone.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Many of us would say, oh man, that's tough.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: They get up and they do it again.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: There are days they're sore.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: There's days there's tired.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: There are days they'd rather stay home, but they're a champion.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: And champions built our understanding that the average person just missed workouts.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: The average person didn't get up.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the difference between all of us, right?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Some of us don't become great because we choose to take the days off, where others are just getting up and putting in the reps.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, these are the days that we've talked about prior where we're building identity.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the part that most overlook the promises that you build to yourself, that's just exactly where your confidence comes in.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Every promise that you break breaks your trust in yourself.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know, people are always asking me, how do I become more confidence?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, confidence isn't built by just looking, well, let me get out my motivational video today and look at it.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's built by evidence.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's built by you saying you're going to do something and then doing it.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then the next day, when you're a little bit sore, you're a little bit tired for what you did this prior day, you say you're going to do it and you get up and do it again.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: And the proof is in the pudding.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: The work you're putting in right there starts to build your confidence because you tell yourself you're going to do it.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: And now you believe it because you're actually doing it.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: You'll say you work out, you do.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: You promise that you'll have that difficult conversation, you do.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: And over time, your brain starts believing it.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: So the real confidence is not because someone told you you're amazing or someone just said, oh yeah, here, go get it.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's because you've always proven you're dependable.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's always proven to yourself that now you're reliable to yourself.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine you had a friend who broke every promise they made.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: They were always late to cancel plans and you have a follow-through.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: And eventually you just stop believing it.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: We're that friend to ourself.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: You've had all these parts where it's just been so easy to let yourself off the hook.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yet you still let that person show up each and every day and just be part of your life.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to make a change.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to set a new destination for the one who wins a negotiation for yourself and keeps pushing for it.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: All right, if you found that message helpful, go down and leave us an honest rating and reveal.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: This Deliver100 Podcast.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Jason Arussi.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do this.