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You Don't Need a Breakthrough, You Need a Better System · Fierce Encouragement

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is Fierce Encouragement, and my name is Mark Walker.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: I want to welcome you to this podcast and welcome to those of you that are watching.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: What does Fierce Encouragement mean?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: To me, it means we tell the truth.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: We take responsibility for our actions and our lives.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And we also choose that next best right step, even and especially when we don't feel like it.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is episode number sixty-two of Fierce Encouragement.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it sounds strange to say that.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's been one of the more satisfying things to create the past couple of years, this podcast, not only to connect with you, but to share ideas and share things that have worked for me, to share my story, and to get that feedback from you on what's working in your life.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: In this episode, I wanted to talk about something that's a little bit quieter than motivation and productivity hacks, but it's far, far more impactful and powerful in our lives.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that's energy and intention.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Kind of like that energy of setting your mind upright, getting your mindset in a good place.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it really kind of came from this idea of how we look for those big wins or those big gains, even myself.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And in the process, we walk past those small moments where we can make some progress.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that takes courage and encouragement.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm recording this after uh a long winter walk.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: And today, in the last couple of days, actually the last few days, have been some of those gray uh northern Great Lakes, Midwest walks, where it does, it takes, at least for me, it takes a discipline just to get outside.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I do a little bit better when I get to the gym and get some weightlifting in, but needing and feeling that need for movement and getting my energy and my mind going.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: And earlier today, and actually two times today, I had a couple clients need to reschedule their sessions.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: One was due to a family emergency.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, both were due to family emergencies, but one was just uh uh a little baby family emergency.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but my client, my other client had a dog emergency, and they had to say goodbye to their longtime family pet.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And it really was, at least for me, just balancing and knowing that, you know, this is where we show up in our real life and we can be encouraging in those moments.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: During my walk out in the cold and the gray and the chilly, I uh passed a group of about five or six kids and their mom or their caretaker that was out for a walk with them.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: And right before that, I was talking to myself about, you know, how hard it is to be in this weather and not have that sunshine for many days and just kind of feel a little lethargic.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: But I walked by these kids and they were all having fun, splashing in the puddles and you know, jumping in the snow, and they were screaming, laughing, having fun.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: They were completely alive, right?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then it kind of smacked me across the face as I walked past them and gave them a smile.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: How hard it is to stay positive.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And it isn't because of life is full of terror and horrible things, but it's more about life being too full or trying to fill it up to the top.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: This noise, this responsibility we take on, this pressure that we put on ourselves.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because even good things, even positive things, can drain us.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: I've also been sitting with the topic and learning about the topic of shame lately.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Shame is that inherent feeling that you're not worthy and you're not validated in this life.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: And there's some great leaders uh that have done a course with and a book through that we use that shame and that working on ourselves to really feel our way through it and feel how we might be like, at least for me, sabotaging ourselves at certain points.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we see some success, but then we pull back, or maybe we just regress constantly and kind of do the opposite of fierce encouragement, you know, apathetic uh um giving up.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: But we look at shame and we work with our shame, not in a dramatic uh self-abusive way, but in a practical and healing and in an adult way, in a sense.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: And really truly, there is something that I've been learning as I go through this work, and it's this that our sense of shame rarely shows up by itself.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Shame is what they call a binding emotion.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: So things around like a shame around money might actually borrow that costume of avoidance.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Shame about our bodies might have that sense of sadness and um pulling back.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And shame about our families actually might come out as anger.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, that's what the instructors in the class I'm taking talk about that a lot of times, especially with men, our anger is hiding a deeper sense of shame and uh a sense of unworthiness.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And really, if we don't have uh our skill of awareness and mindfulness kind of plugged in, we won't notice how we get hijacked and hooked when that shame comes up with that emotion.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: So we might think we're just tired or distracted or unmotivated.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: But what's really kind of going on is that emotion is connected to some general sense of shame.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: It feels personal, um, and it feels like kind of contained in our own being.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, one of my older stories is around money and structure and organization, because there's a story that I have, a belief that is ingrained in my core, that I'm bad at it.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And there's also something about how being a business owner somehow makes us less than human.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: And that story doesn't really make me evil or broken or, you know, a lost cause, but it does make me feel inconsistent.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: That shame and avoidance around money and getting organized, it makes me feel inconsistent in my life.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And inconsistency loves escape.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Awareness doesn't mean judging this or ourselves.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: It does mean noticing it though.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Not taking it personally, but taking it as a place to work on and to be productive or more productive at.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: I recently revisited a talk I gave uh out um and connected with another leader on around quantum thinking.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: And this kind of changes the subjects a little bit, but I really don't care because I think it plugs in to what we're doing here.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I really don't care about the idea of label or the mask or the you know the writing of quantum thinking.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: I do care about how it works and how we can put it into action.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: And the really one core idea here is simple that every thought and every action and every conversation that we have, it carries a tone or a vibration.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Not just the words, the energy.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: And you probably have heard this and know this, but we communicate far, far more through our nervous system and our body language than our vocabulary.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't know that, check it out, do some research.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: But the tools are really clear right here, and the work we need to do is something that we can bring onto the gymnasium floor right at this point.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: So here are five practical ways to work with that energy and that moment-mon moment communication that's past words in a sense.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: So, number one, know that your feelings emit a frequency.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Movement, uh, laughter, stillness.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: These aren't self-care luxuries, in a sense, they change your internal signaling or your internal frequency.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: So, number one, know that your feelings emit a frequency.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Kind of going back to the shame work, if we come into coaching calls or into interviews or into a conversation with our kids, and we have a big sense of shame, maybe bound to some anger or some depression, we will emit that frequency in that connection or in that time with that person or persons.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: So remember that feelings emit a frequency.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, set an intention before you fix or take action.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of forcing that positivity at yourself or at others, back up, slow down.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: First, start accepting what's there.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Really, just accept what emotion, what feeling is there.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: And choose to align to something that's a little more steady than just emotion.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Choose to align with something deeper, maybe a virtue, something like, can I be curious here?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: So set that intention before fixing, which is the second tool or second method that you can really use to clean this up.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: The third kind of quantum thought or quantum idea is shift towards what lights you up.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Go towards what gives you bliss.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: And we're not talking about hedonic, you know, always indulging in the rich food and the things that, you know, can affect our body, but it's more about what lights you up from inside.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Again, not someday, but today.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: What lights you up one more percent today?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it is that walk, or maybe it's slowing down and doing some prayer or some journaling or making sure you get that workout in.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: So, what lights you up?
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Shift towards that.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: The fourth tool or method or idea that you can get from this quantum thinking is to pay attention to who you hang around.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this isn't new.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: You might have heard it, or the average of the five people we hang around most, but ask yourself, do a little audit or a check-in with yourself as we go into this new year or wherever you find yourself in this moment.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Who isn't really impressing you lately?
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: And is there a friend or a group of friends or a community that helps you feel clear and excited and motivated when you leave?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it could be something as simple as a workout group or go into a yoga session.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: Those are really powerful, positive ways to tune in and to remember that that energy you collect when you're around people like that, that are there to better themselves, is very, very powerful.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: The fifth idea or the fifth tool that I want to share from this quantum thinking, and I think it's the big one for me at least, is standing strong in this desire.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's this idea that our focused awareness, our focused intention beats willpower every time.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Willpower is finite.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: So finding those times of day when you have the most energy, obviously uh making sure you invest in your energy practices like sleep and um exercise and movement, but plan your willpower and know that that focused awareness beats uh a gridding it out almost every time.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: So stand strong in that desire, find your waves where you create or do your work, and understand that you don't control the whole world, but you do control how you show up and bring energy to whatever you're working on.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: So those are five solid tools feelings, emit a frequency.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: We set our intention before fixing, we shift towards what lights us up, we pay attention to who we hang around, and we also stand strong in that desire or that big intention.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's something else I want to share here because it's for me, I've been reading um The Power of Systems by Chi Steve Chandler and Trevor Timbeck, and just finishing that up here in the first part of the new year.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: But it's this idea that systems beat um this idea of digging deep and psychologicalizing, you know, everything that's going on.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: So this connects to something deeply uh that I've been reading about systems and methods and frameworks.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't like the results you're getting in your life, stop attacking, attacking your character or hating yourself.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Can you go back to a fierce encouragement of yourself?
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: We're really good at attacking ourselves and berating ourselves.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you, but I'm pretty darn good at it.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of personalizing it or kind of taking it personally, let go of that.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: You have the results you have in your life through the system that you have.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: So change the system.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Don't personalize it.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a personal flaw.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I think James Clear even says this: don't worry about the flaws or the personal part of it.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: Go back to changing your systems.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: What are the habits that are going to help you like have those big results in your life?
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a personal flaw, it's just a structural one.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And we really don't need this super big depth um dig to change our lives.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, that helps with healing, helps with our shame.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: But to move past that shame, just follow something you can repeat every day, something like that workout, or something like a prayer practice or some journaling.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe take a walk every day, or maybe do a short money check-in once a week.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, and this is a big one for me, is setting that digital sunset.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: When will I power down the TV and the phones and the iPads and get ready for bed?
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe even just a simple workout plan to do when you get up in the morning.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Make it impersonal.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, make it even boring, uh, but make it something that you can work and do every day.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the habit I'm practicing.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: Practicing showing up and setting that intention before I sit down to write or before I head into a coaching session.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: The other thing that I'm doing and practicing those micro moments is stop waiting for some big breakthrough or some, you know, huge wave of change to come through.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, I want to notice the hundreds, if not more, small moments every day that I have where I get that choice where I can show up differently.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's holding the door open for somebody.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's just recognizing that I don't have to let that go.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: I can have that positive intention for somebody in my community.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Or even thinking about myself tomorrow.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: By going to bed on time and shutting down at a certain point, I give myself that gift tomorrow.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I show up with a different energy tomorrow instead of numbing out or giving up.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think this is how that entropy decreases.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that's how our kind of clarity of mind, our clarity of purpose arises.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's boring work, but it's also really powerful.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Micro moments of connection and productivity are so much more important than these big breakthroughs that we're always seeking.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: This fierce encouragement podcast started, like I said, over 60 episodes ago with an intention.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it was this I really struggle with negative self-talk and just feeling kind of zonked a lot of the day.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: One of the best ways for me wasn't to hype myself up and to berate myself, but it was just to use targeted thinking and think about like how can I encourage myself just to take the next best step.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: For me, loyalty to myself was that.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, if fierce encouragement resonates with you, please share this episode.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Share one of your favorite episodes with somebody you care about.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hear from you too.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: So use uh the email or the text uh messenger in the show notes to send me a note.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Share what system or what method you might be tightening up as you go into the year, or even share what small moment today you might choose differently on.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's showing up for the family a little differently, or some of your coworkers.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want to practice this kind of awareness in real time, I have created some space for that.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's really quiet, it's practical, it's human.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: Take some time, look in the show notes, but most importantly of all, be kind to yourself, be disciplined and self encouraging where it matters and truly, truly keep going.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: This is Fierce Encouragement.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Mark Walker.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you have a great day or great evening wherever you're at, and we'll see you next time on Fierce Encouragement.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, bye bye.