Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Jon Stewart on the Botched Iran Deal _ Josh Johnson on Trump_s Reflecting Pool War _ The Daily Show

Transcript

Jon Stewart on the Botched Iran Deal _ Josh Johnson on Trump_s Reflecting Pool War _ The Daily Show · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: The Trump administration, of course, once again finds itself at
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: the center of the big news today. The Trump administration
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: continues to try and find a solution to an intractable,
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: problematic waterway in a dangerous part.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: Of the world.
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: Mounting problems at the reflecting pool on the National Mall.
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: You are looking right now at what is rapidly turning
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: into a $ 16 million headache for the White House.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: Damn you, Mom Donnie!
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: What hath socialism wrought to our beloved symbol of national
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: ankle-deep waiting?
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: Pieces of that new coating began peeling off.
• 0:48
  Speaker 5: Phosphate levels far higher than what is recommended.
• 0:51
  Speaker 6: A significant algae bloom has turned the water into a
• 0:54
  Speaker 6: sea of green.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: And it's really f * * * ing green. I
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: didn't realize, like.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: That shit's neon. Did they replace the water with Mountain Dew?
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: What is.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: I mean, didn't they just have a pool company come
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: in and fix it? How did it get so green?
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: One of those companies, Green Water Services.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: Quite perplexing. How did it get so green? I kid,
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: of course. It's not about the name.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: I'm sure Greenwater Services, a very reputable company that fairly
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: won the reflecting pool contract because of their expertise and
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: track record.
• 1:50
  Speaker 6: The administration paid a company to do the work in
• 1:53
  Speaker 6: a no bid contract.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: The company's owned by a trust run by Republican donor
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: John Cafaro.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: That's the pool guy? That guy? That's the pool guy.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: Does Trump do business with anyone normal?
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Even the pool guy looks like an extra from Guys
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: and Dolls. It's like Donnie Brasco got stung by a bee.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, to be fair, that's probably an old picture
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: from like the 80s when Gomez Adams.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: Was the rage. Do we have a recent picture of
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: this guy that we can... Are you f * *
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: * ing kidding me? This is entrapment. Who is this guy?
• 3:02
  Speaker 8: He's a Mar-a-Lago neighbor and has given more than $ 300, 000
• 3:05
  Speaker 8: to the political committees tied to the president. Back in 2001,
• 3:09
  Speaker 8: Cafaro pled guilty to conspiracy to bribe then-Congressman James Traffickin Jr.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: The pool guy?
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: The pool guy bribed the congressman and now he gets
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: the pool guy?
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: That tracks. What do I do?
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Let's just say I'm in the chlorine management business. Well,
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: if you're like me, when you first heard that the
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: reflecting pool had algae, you probably thought to yourself, well,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: I hope the president of the United States is personally
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: involved with overseeing this.
• 3:46
  Speaker 4: President Trump says he personally inspected the site.
• 3:49
  Speaker 5: Oh, good.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: That's good.
• 3:51
  Speaker 5: I'm glad.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: I believe he posted a picture of that excursion. Oh,
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: there you go. By the way, I'm just curious. Wait
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: a minute. Why am I always there? Why is he
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: always healing me? That's not actually me. You know what
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: I don't like about that picture?
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Can I tell the truth about this? This is an
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: AI-generated image, right? And the picture of that person does
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: happen to look a lot like me. But what that
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: means is I am AI's idea of a person that
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: is old and needs to be healed.
• 4:40
  Speaker 5: But hold on.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: If Donald Trump is personally overseeing the pH balance of
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: Abe Lincoln's kiddie pool... Who is handling the high-stakes, incredibly
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: fragile Iranian truce negotiations?
• 4:51
  Speaker 9: Hey, guys.
• 4:52
  Speaker 10: No!
• 4:53
  Speaker 11: No!
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: We should have sent Cigar Face. Cigar Face would have
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: taken care of this.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Unless you want your whole country to have green water.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: All right, look. I will give JD Vance a chance.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: These are the kind of negotiations that will require steely-eyed
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: focus on the American side, and I'll bet JD Vance
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: has just the right touch of gravitas and tact.
• 5:35
  Speaker 11: I have joked that I have two very, very important
• 5:38
  Speaker 11: people in my life, an Indian and a Pakistani. The
• 5:40
  Speaker 11: Indian is my wife, and the Pakistani is Field Marshal Muneer.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: My wife's Indian. This dude's Pakistani. Boom. You know what
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: I always say, people? Two browns don't make a white.
• 6:04
  Speaker 10: Right.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: Hey, boom. This guy gets it.
• 6:10
  Speaker 5: Look at me.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: I'm pointing out their ethnicity.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Isn't a rabbi, my wife and field marshal Munir walk
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: into a bar.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: It's a risky move on Trump's.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Part, given that the first time he sent J.D. Vance overseas, J.D.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Vance killed Pope Francis.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: So... It happened.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: 88 years, Pope Francis lived in leper colonies, went through
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: so much in his life, survived. spent 10 minutes with J.D.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: Vance and went, check please, I'm out. Unfortunately, the negotiation
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: meeting seemed to get off to an even worse start.
• 7:07
  Speaker 4: Social media claims that Vice President J.D. Vance was snubbed
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: by Qatari officials during those weekend talks in Switzerland. There's
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: a viral video going around that showed Vance standing alone
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: as leaders around him exchanged hugs and greetings.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: Well, that is awkward.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: JD Vance really answers the question, what if a middle
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: school dance were a person?
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: My mom's coming soon. I'm going to get out of here.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: But things just went from bad to wallflower, with Vance
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: getting more and more exasperated as the mean girls just
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: couldn't see that he has a lot to offer too.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: And why would they possibly be so mad? Wait a second.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: You know what?
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I actually think this might not have been a diplomatic snub.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: This might have been the result of a health code violation.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: Can we take a quick look at the footage again?
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: There's J.D.
• 8:14
  Speaker 7: Vance.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Oh, he went for the pick. He went for the pick. Oh, no,
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: he went for the chair.
• 8:20
  Speaker 5: Oh, no.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: He went for the pick and wipe. That's why. The
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: pick and wipe. Classic diplomatic faux pas. The pick and wipe.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: It's second only to the men's room pee and peek. Which,
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: as many of you know, started the Franco-Prussian War. But
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: you know what?
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: It doesn't really matter.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter who we sent. Because there's not a
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: lot of wiggle room in these negotiations. President Trump has
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: been very clear about what's expected.
• 9:00
  Speaker 12: The president said there will be no deal with Iran
• 9:04
  Speaker 12: except unconditional surrender.
• 9:06
  Speaker 5: Ta-ta.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: So basically, J.D. Vance is just there to pick up
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: the white flag. Get it signed. Hand out a couple
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: of orange slices. Call it a game.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: For all you knit piecers out there wondering, well, what
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: does surrender even mean?
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: Very simple. They laid it out quite clearly.
• 9:22
  Speaker 5: We want to see.
• 9:24
  Speaker 13: No nuclear bomb, no nuclear weapon, not even close to it.
• 9:28
  Speaker 5: I say no enrichment. They want it for civilian, you know,
• 9:31
  Speaker 5: for civil.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: Civil.
• 9:33
  Speaker 5: I think it's uncivil. We also want the enriched uranium.
• 9:37
  Speaker 13: Destroying Iran's missile capabilities and their capacity to produce brand
• 9:42
  Speaker 13: new ones.
• 9:43
  Speaker 5: No money will exchange hands in any way, shape or form.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Boom!
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: So we already know what the deal is. So why
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: don't we go through the deal point by point? Probably
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: isn't going to take much time at all.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: Pretty simple.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Number one, they have to give us all their valuable
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: nuclear material.
• 10:03
  Speaker 5: It's actually not valuable.
• 10:05
  Speaker 13: Not a lot of value, but we'd like to get
• 10:07
  Speaker 13: it psychologically, but nobody's touching it.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay. Okay, yeah.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: So we're not actually going to get it, but at
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: least they can't touch it.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: I mean, they can look at it. Looking's not cheating,
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean?
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: As long as Iran doesn't use it for enrichment, you know,
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: for military or civilian use, that's where we actually are
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: drawing the line.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: Right, Mr. Trump?
• 10:34
  Speaker 13: Well, it is a little hard, though, when you say
• 10:36
  Speaker 13: that somebody wants it, other people have it, other adjoining
• 10:41
  Speaker 13: states have it, and you're not letting them have it
• 10:44
  Speaker 13: for purposes of electricity or things like that.
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: It's always a little tough. You have to use a
• 10:47
  Speaker 5: little common sense.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: You're the no nuclear guy. You're the one who said it. Now, suddenly,
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: I mean, enrich a little bit. I mean, you know,
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: we all enrich nuclear material at some point. You know
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying?
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: The point is, we don't have to be such hard
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: asses about the nuclear. Because really, the main reason we
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: went there was the ballistic missile program. That's why we're there.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: And we are definitely not budging on that.
• 11:16
  Speaker 13: The conventional ballistic missiles, which we'll be talking about, and
• 11:20
  Speaker 13: support them. I mean, they have to have some because
• 11:22
  Speaker 13: other people have some. They've got to have some. Sir,
• 11:25
  Speaker 13: you shouldn't let them have any missile. I said, well,
• 11:28
  Speaker 13: what am I going to do? Am I going to
• 11:30
  Speaker 13: let Saudi Arabia have missiles, but they can't have them?
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: Yes, sir.
• 11:35
  Speaker 5: It doesn't work that way, you know. It doesn't work
• 11:38
  Speaker 5: that way.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: We know that. We know it doesn't work out.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Why are you acting like we're the assholes?
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: Like we were the assholes who were like, no missiles,
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: no nuclear. And you're like, you got to be reasonable.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: We're just backing you up. And now you're telling us,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: use your edge, people. I mean, they got to have missiles.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: You never know when some impulsive asshole is going to
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: start bombing them out of nowhere.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: They don't have missiles. They're going to have whatever.
• 12:11
  Speaker 7: What are we doing?
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: What kind of.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: Fine, fine. Let them have f * * * ing missiles.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: At least no money's changing hands.
• 12:23
  Speaker 5: As for money, the U.S.
• 12:25
  Speaker 6: Pledges to help create a $ 300 billion reconstruction fund for Iran.
• 12:29
  Speaker 12: Allowing Iran immediately to start selling its oil that could
• 12:33
  Speaker 12: earn Iran $ 60 to $ 70 billion per year. Also in
• 12:37
  Speaker 12: this agreement, the unfreezing of Iranian assets, which could be
• 12:40
  Speaker 12: upwards of $ 100 billion.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: So the hardline extremist regime of Iran gets a nuclear stockpile, missiles,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: and money. Iran is a circumcision away from being Israel.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: Now, wait. I don't actually know if Iran had circumcised,
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: so that may not be it. Well, you get my point.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: I'm sure someone will leave that in the comments section.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: I don't know if their penises have the hijab. I
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: don't know. Maybe they just have where you just see
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: the penis's eyes.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: There's no graphic for that joke, by the way.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Look, if this is what we're giving the Iranians, I
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: don't understand why the Iranians are snubbing JD Vance. They
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: should be kissing his booger-laden ring. I mean, what does
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: America get for all these concessions?
• 14:08
  Speaker 11: Yesterday was a very, very good day. We made a
• 14:10
  Speaker 11: lot of good progress.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. Go get them, Joan Didion Vance.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: What kind of project? Go get them, old Jamountain Dew Vance.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: I knew you'd come through.
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: What did we get?
• 14:25
  Speaker 11: The Iranians have agreed to invite IAEA inspectors back into
• 14:29
  Speaker 11: their country. That is a major milestone for the American people.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, that's a big milestone.
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: We haven't had nuclear inspectors in Iran since, oh, when
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: you started bombing them last year. The Iran inspectors went
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: in there after the JCPOA that Obama negotiated, and they
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: only left when we attacked Iran. So just out of curiosity,
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: why did we tear up the Obama deal with Iran again?
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: That horrible? Iran nuclear deal, that horrible, stupid deal.
• 15:03
  Speaker 13: The stupidity of that deal, where we give $ 150 billion.
• 15:07
  Speaker 5: We get nothing.
• 15:08
  Speaker 13: The deal allowed Iran to continue enriching uranium. It also
• 15:13
  Speaker 13: fails to address the regime's development of ballistic missiles.
• 15:18
  Speaker 5: Who would make a deal so stupid as that?
• 15:20
  Speaker 13: The dumbest deal I've ever seen, the worst deal ever
• 15:22
  Speaker 13: negotiated of any kind.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what kind of a dumb f * * *?
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: You know, at the time.
• 15:39
  Speaker 5: It's so crazy.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: I guess the theory is why trade smaller concessions with
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: Iran for peace when we could instead lose a war
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: with them and make bigger concessions?
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Well, I hope you learned your lesson, Iran.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: There's plenty more concessions where that came from. You mouth
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: off again and you're getting Greenland. All right, but that's fine.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Let's just make the best of it. JD, can you
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: at least tell us the nuclear inspectors will be starting
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: right away to secure the uranium?
• 16:17
  Speaker 11: In terms of when the nuclear inspectors are gonna start,
• 16:19
  Speaker 11: it's funny, we were trying to call some of the
• 16:21
  Speaker 11: inspectors last night around two in the morning. As you
• 16:24
  Speaker 11: can expect, not many people were answering their phone at
• 16:26
  Speaker 11: two in the morning.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: Is that funny though?
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: We've been at war for four months and no one
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: thought to call the nuclear inspectors before 2 a.m.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: Last night?
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: It's really less funny than just shitty foresight and planning. Honestly,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, have you ever wondered who the f *
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: * * buys luggage at an airport? That's our negotiating team. Oh,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: did we forget something?
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: Oh, you know what?
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: Why am I walking through the airport just carrying my
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: shit in my arms?
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: Just called the nuclear inspectors at two in the morning?
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: Are we getting anything in exchange for letting Iran have
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: like half a trillion dollars?
• 17:18
  Speaker 11: If there is any frozen Iranian assets that are unfrozen,
• 17:23
  Speaker 11: the money would actually go to buy American soy, American corn,
• 17:28
  Speaker 11: and American wheat for the benefit of the Iranian people.
• 17:31
  Speaker 11: A classic Trump deal.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: It is a classic Trump deal. Announce a bold action
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: with grandiose ambition and then shit the bed and then
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: state confidently that bed shit was the goal all along.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: And then finally, name the bed after Trump. Yes, folks,
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: we went to war with Iran to force them to
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: take money to buy our crops.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Win-win. How did no one else figure this out?
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: How did no other president have the foresight to bomb
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: a country into a crop-buying spree?
• 18:15
  Speaker 11: Well, I think one big difference, Phil, is that we
• 18:17
  Speaker 11: have a smart president, whereas in the past we've had
• 18:19
  Speaker 11: dumb presidents.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: Adding....
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: The World Cup fans have come from all over the
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: world to see which country has the most athletic black people.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: But one country has been making their presence known a
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: little more than the rest.
• 18:40
  Speaker 11: South Florida's getting taken over by the Scottish this week
• 18:43
  Speaker 11: for the World Cup, turning Little Havana into an international
• 18:47
  Speaker 11: street party.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: We don't have any rules in.
• 18:56
  Speaker 9: Our town again.
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: This is so fun. Also, I'm just happy to see
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: an all-white parade where they're not chanting about the Jews.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: I'm not sure about the bagpipes, though. You know the
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: Loch Ness Monster is back in Scotland right now. Like, finally,
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: I can get some sleep. The only reason I'm so
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: elusive is because I don't want to hear those damn bagpipes.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: But let's get to the big story. It has now
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: been 10 weeks since the start of the war that
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: has come to define Donald Trump's second term. So let's
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: get right into our continuing coverage of the Washington DC
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: reflecting pool.
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: Looks like shit.
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: Ever since the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool turned bright green
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: which is a thing i just said like it's totally
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: normal it's become the first breakout hit of the summer.
• 19:56
  Speaker 12: Tourists are actually flocking to the lincoln memorial reflecting pool
• 20:00
  Speaker 12: to catch a glimpse of the controversial renovation.
• 20:02
  Speaker 9: It's kind of like disgusting like it looks like like
• 20:04
  Speaker 9: it's green like it looks like It looks like vomit.
• 20:07
  Speaker 5: And it smells really bad.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: I had to see for myself. I couldn't believe it.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: Hey, kids, remember you wanted to go to Disneyland? Instead,
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: we're going to go see the world's largest kombucha. You know,
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: everybody's complaining about the pool, but they're coming out to
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: see it. I'm not saying it's better this way. I'm
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: just saying it seems to be pretty popular. This is
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: how far America has fallen. The last time we collected
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: this many people around the reflecting pool was for civil rights.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: People were like, we must come out to support Dr.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: King.
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: 60 years later, we're like, a slimy pool? This I
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: gotta see. Now anyone who's ever owned a swimming pool
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: or a fish tank or a bong that they never
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: wash will not be surprised that there's algae in the pool.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: And a shallow pool like this with a dark bottom
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: in hot weather is particularly hard to keep clean. I
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: know that because half the people I follow on social
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: media are pool experts all of a sudden. This is
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: a completely natural and expected development. But Donald Trump thinks
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: there's something else to blame.
• 21:12
  Speaker 7: We have a, I think, 290, 300 foot slit right
• 21:16
  Speaker 7: through it. Probably a box cutter or a knife of
• 21:19
  Speaker 7: some kind. They cut it very violently. The same thing
• 21:22
  Speaker 7: with the floor. They cut it and then they lifted it.
• 21:25
  Speaker 5: They pulled it.
• 21:26
  Speaker 7: I can't help it if somebody goes in with a
• 21:28
  Speaker 7: knife and starts hacking it up. Who would think that
• 21:31
  Speaker 7: somebody would go into a pool and take a knife
• 21:33
  Speaker 7: and start cutting it?
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, who would think of something like that? Two months ago.
• 21:41
  Speaker 13: This will last for at least 50 years and you'll
• 21:43
  Speaker 13: never have a leak.
• 21:44
  Speaker 5: It's very strong.
• 21:45
  Speaker 13: You couldn't, if you had a knife, I don't want
• 21:47
  Speaker 13: to give anybody ideas. If you had a knife, you
• 21:50
  Speaker 13: can't even cut it.
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: I've never seen someone have a line of logic so
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: stupid they reverse inception themselves. Me from before had the
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: idea to never. I told myself it couldn't be done,
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: and then I forgot. That's why it happened. Look, I'll
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: admit right now, I'm one of Trump's biggest haters, but Donnie,
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: let me help you out. You have got to chill.
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: People are not shanking the pool at night. Also, algae
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: can't be that hard to get rid of. I mean, damn,
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: you got one of the biggest algae eaters in your cabinet.
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: Send him down to the pool. He'll be like, looks
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: like soup. Broccoli cheddar. The point is, don't go around
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: escalating the situation.
• 22:50
  Speaker 6: This morning, the National Guard and Park Police patrolling the
• 22:53
  Speaker 6: reflecting pool on the National Mall.
• 22:55
  Speaker 14: There are cameras stationed every 50 yards or so. The
• 22:58
  Speaker 14: president had Marine One do a flyover around the reflecting pool.
• 23:03
  Speaker 14: According to the White House, 17 police reports have been
• 23:06
  Speaker 14: filed for vandalism, leading to six arrests.
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: Dang, you treating the reflecting pool like Epstein drowned in it.
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: Just imagine what Iran must be thinking right now. They
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: turn on the TV like, where are the Americans plotting
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: to send their force? Damn, are they even thinking about us?
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: And I get Trump's disappointed because according to him, this
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: was going to be the best pool in the history
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: of water.
• 23:33
  Speaker 13: President Obama, President Biden spent much more than $ 100 million
• 23:38
  Speaker 13: on the reflecting lake.
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: You know what they got out of it? A closed lake.
• 23:42
  Speaker 13: I'm doing the super job, and it's going to be
• 23:44
  Speaker 13: much better.
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: It's going to be something very special. It'll be, I think,
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: very reflective.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: Very, very good.
• 23:50
  Speaker 5: It's like a piece of glass. Beautiful color, beautiful everything.
• 23:53
  Speaker 5: You could never get... Anything like that.
• 23:56
  Speaker 7: It's going to look better than it did in 1922
• 23:58
  Speaker 7: when it was built.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: The Lincoln Memorial, look at that.
• 24:01
  Speaker 5: Beautiful, look at how that reflects.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: It's like a mirror.
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: See, that's your problem right there. You talked it up
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: so much, you jinxed it. Now I want to let
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: them build the ballroom. Just see how bad it turns out.
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: I bet it disintegrates at the first cha-cha slide. The
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: lesson here is, Trump, you gotta wait until after you
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: do something to flex. If you had never made a
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: big deal out of the pool, no one would have noticed.
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: I mean, RFK would still be down there, because to him,
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: that's yummy. But Trump basically shot a buzzer-beating, game-winning shot,
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: turned around and threw his hands up in the air
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: to celebrate, and then instead of going in, it missed
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: and killed a baby duckling. Now you got people across
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: the country coming over to gawk at the fact that
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: you turned the reflecting pool into a Kool-Aid bucket. And
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: all your supporters in the media who should be defending
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: your Iran disaster or your economic disaster have to defend
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: this disaster.
• 25:00
  Speaker 12: I think this is Trump derangement syndrome at its finest.
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: The far left will never get behind or celebrate anything
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: that Donald Trump does.
• 25:07
  Speaker 13: Newsflash, algae grows in stagnant water.
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: President Trump is trying to make D.C. nicer.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: Because guess what?
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: Presidents should care about beauty.
• 25:15
  Speaker 12: Only the Democrats could hate beautifying our nation's capital.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: They are rooting for his failure. And in this case,
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: they're even rooting for algae.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry, this is not the point, but what is
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: going on with Sean Hannity's face? I mean, I have
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: never seen white cheeks that big that haven't been rapped about. Like,
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: I'm not trying to make fun of his looks or anything,
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: but I mean, is he auditioning for a new Chipmunks movie?
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: Where Alvin eats Simon and Theodore? I bet you squirrels
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: look at Hannity like, how my nuts taste. It looks
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: like the dentist added wisdom teeth. Sean, you got to
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: address this. You can't just walk in a room and
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: sit down in front of a camera with a BBL
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: on your face and act like we're not going to notice.
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: You got to address what's happened to anything. Like, sorry
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: about my face, y'all. I'm currently going through a nutty
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: professor type situation. It should be cleared up once I
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: learn to love and accept myself for who I truly am.
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: Let's start with the World Cup, the main way American
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: kids learn geography now. It's been great for America to
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: host the game since recently our stats in the world
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: went from global superpower to monkey who got loose at
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: the zoo and has a knife. But with the World Cup,
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: people are discovering the good things about America, like our food.
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: And obviously, it goes way beyond our food. It's also
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: our condiments.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: Soccer fans are falling in love with ranch dressing.
• 26:55
  Speaker 5: The World Cup has led to a sudden sauce craze.
• 26:57
  Speaker 14: The TSA issuing a warning posting on social media, quote,
• 27:01
  Speaker 14: if you're visiting for a very large sporting event and
• 27:04
  Speaker 14: you happen to discover ranch while you're here, please pack
• 27:08
  Speaker 14: it in your checked bag on the way home.
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: Come on, TSA. Do you really need to be so
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: strict about this? No one's going to blow up a
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: plane with a bottle of ranch. The bathroom, maybe, but
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: not the plane. By the way, I like how there's
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: one bottle of face wash in that photo. You know
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: there's some bodega owner who's like, CeraVe, it's just a
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: different flavor of ranch. It's not even that valuable, it's
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: just ranch. You can make it at home. All you
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: have to do is mix. Wait, what the hell is ranch?
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: But let's move on to today's top story and our
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: ongoing coverage in Decision 2026. Last night was election night
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: in America. Again, so if you were in a middle
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: school gymnasium yesterday, hopefully that's the reason why. And while
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: every election has its winners and losers, there was one
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: guy who came out on top last night who wasn't
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: even on the ballot.
• 28:12
  Speaker 15: Democratic Socialist Mayor Zohra Mamdani winning record this morning, three
• 28:18
  Speaker 15: endorsement and three victories. The progressive candidates he backed won
• 28:22
  Speaker 15: their House primary races.
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: The king of New York City politics right now is
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: Mayor Mamdani.
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: He's the kingmaker and he's in charge.
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: A socialist making kings?
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: That's crazy.
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: That's like if a capitalist made a hospital everybody could afford.
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: But all right, Mom Donnie, all your candidates won last night,
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: so take the victory lap.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: Preach to the people.
• 28:46
  Speaker 10: We are showing there is a new path for politics
• 28:48
  Speaker 10: in our city and in our country.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: Wait, did you guys hear that woman scream? Can we
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: play that again? That doesn't even sound like an election
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: night scream. It sounded like hitting the drop at the
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: Tower of Terror scream. But now that she's got that
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: out of her system, let's hear Zoran speak.
• 29:23
  Speaker 10: We are showing that last June, a year ago tomorrow,
• 29:29
  Speaker 10: was not an anomaly.
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: I'm still being murdered, but that's... great about the wind though. Now, obviously,
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: Republicans are mad about Mamdani's win, but it also pissed
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: off the Democratic establishment, which is pretty insane because they're
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: in your party. And Zoran, you need to watch out
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: because you know what happens when establishment Dems are mad
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: at you. You get away with whatever you want. But
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: there was one person who was willing to give Zoran
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: his props and said, game recognized game.
• 30:07
  Speaker 6: President Trump posted this on Truth Social. Mayor Mamdani pulled
• 30:10
  Speaker 6: through three solid communists and has received loud and universal
• 30:14
  Speaker 6: applause from the fake news media.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Congratulations, Mr.
• 30:17
  Speaker 14: Mayor.
• 30:17
  Speaker 6: I went 16-0 last night helping to elect wonderful American patriots,
• 30:22
  Speaker 6: and the media doesn't say a word. Over the past
• 30:24
  Speaker 6: two years, he says, my endorsement has netted 259 primary wins,
• 30:27
  Speaker 6: almost no losses, zero media attention, fake news.
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: Trump sounds like someone at a birthday party trying to
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: remind people it's also his birthday.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: He's just walking up.
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: Like, hey, happy birthday, Margaret. Looks like we're both Gemini's, huh?
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: And yeah, technically, you know, I've been having this birthday longer,
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: so you kind of stole it from me.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: But nobody talks about that.
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: And I feel for Donald Trump because he is not
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: wrong about his endorsement clout. In fact, another one of
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: his congressional candidates won a surprise victory last night in
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: upstate New York.
• 31:06
  Speaker 9: Thank you, President Trump.
• 31:09
  Speaker 8: Businessman and Sticker Mule CEO Anthony Constantino riding a President
• 31:13
  Speaker 8: Donald Trump endorsement to victory.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: Sticker CEO doesn't sound like a real job. Like, if
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: you went on a date and someone said, I'm the
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: president of bouncy balls, you'd be like.
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: Okay, sounds like we're splitting it.
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: Got it, got it. But who is this guy?
• 31:36
  Speaker 9: I'm endorsed by President Trump because I fought for him.
• 31:39
  Speaker 9: I want to detransition America. I don't like the transgender
• 31:41
  Speaker 9: scam at all. Just like I don't like the solar scam,
• 31:45
  Speaker 9: I hate seeing these solar panels all over our farmland
• 31:48
  Speaker 9: in upstate New York. It bothers me because they're ugly
• 31:51
  Speaker 9: as hell.
• 31:53
  Speaker 7: Wow.
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: It's like my uncle's Facebook came to life. But don't
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: let all the things that Constantino hates fool you. One
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: thing I know about him is that he likes being
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: funny and having fun. I know this because he told us.
• 32:09
  Speaker 5: I like being funny. I like making people laugh. I
• 32:11
  Speaker 5: like having fun.
• 32:12
  Speaker 9: If you're not having fun in life, what else matters?
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: Why does he look like he's about to read off
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: what my grandma left me at her will? I like
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: being funny, but today's not about me. It's about Eunice
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: Marie Johnson, a wonderful lady. Like, the words he's saying are,
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: I like to have fun, but the tone is saying,
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: I hit a cat with my car and felt nothing.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: But here's the other reason I know he's a fun guy.
• 32:45
  Speaker 6: Constantino recorded a hip-hop album titled Thank You, President Trump.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: I made a 10-song song.
• 32:52
  Speaker 9: Patriotic album to persuade all Americans to be more patriotic
• 32:56
  Speaker 9: and to see the world as we see it, using
• 32:59
  Speaker 9: the power of music.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: All right, as black people, I know we had our fun,
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: but I think we need to let rap go.
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: It's over now. We lost it.
• 33:28
  Speaker 5: Don't get it wrong, though.
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: Constantino doesn't only rap about how great Donald Trump is.
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: He also raps about how terrible Trump's nemesis is.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: You dummies let a terrorist run for office in New
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: York City. This poser Mondami, he ain't even from here.
• 33:41
  Speaker 5: He's still a citizen in Uganda. One of the worst,
• 33:43
  Speaker 5: most vile countries on the planet. Whatever happened to never forget?
• 33:46
  Speaker 7: Okay.
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: This guy's got it. And by it, I mean a
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: learning disability. Also, I don't know if you heard that,
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: but does he think Uganda did 9-11?
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: Uganda barely got 7-11. But you know what?
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: I want to be fair. People love to isolate a
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: piece of a song to trash an artist. Let's give
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: him another chance and keep listening.
• 34:25
  Speaker 5: Hey, Andrew Cuomo, you too.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: You caused this. We all remember the bullshit you did
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: during COVID.
• 34:30
  Speaker 5: That's why you.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: Lost the primary. Eric Adams, by the way, you too.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: You corrupt piece of shit.
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: Did he just get so mad he forgot he was
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: supposed to be rapping? Like, That's not even a song anymore.
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: It's just a guy on the corner going, and another thing.
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: With that level of talent, it's no wonder he's getting
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: endorsements from the cream of the crop.
• 34:59
  Speaker 5: I am very impressed with Anthony Costantino.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: Anthony is exactly the kind of person we need in politics.
• 35:07
  Speaker 13: It's like, this is what I talk about, that people
• 35:11
  Speaker 13: like this have to get involved in politics.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: Why are you looking up?
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: That's not where the camera is or Giuliani.
• 35:22
  Speaker 5: He's trying to.
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: Endorse you, but you're making him look like he's a
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: dad trying to convince a new school to take you. Like, no, no, no,
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: you don't understand.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: He's a good boy, all right?
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: He doesn't do well in class, but he makes the
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: kids laugh. He didn't mean to hurt that girl. He
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: had just never seen curly hair before. And you might
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: be wondering, how could Donald Trump endorse a dude that
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: doesn't look like he's allowed in pet stores? But this
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: guy isn't anywhere near as bad as some of Trump's
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: other endorsements. Just look at Texas Senate nominee Ken Paxton.
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: Ken Paxton has been repeatedly accused of bribery, fraud, self-dealing.
• 36:16
  Speaker 4: In 2020, a group of aides reported him to the FBI,
• 36:18
  Speaker 4: accusing him of bribery and abuse of office to help
• 36:21
  Speaker 4: a friend and political donor.
• 36:22
  Speaker 6: Impeached by the Republican-controlled House on multiple charges of abuse
• 36:26
  Speaker 6: of office. Sued by the State Bar of Texas for
• 36:28
  Speaker 6: his efforts to overturn the 2020 presidential election.
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: Retaliating against whistleblowers.
• 36:35
  Speaker 4: Two counts of securities fraud.
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: Claimed three homes as his primary residence.
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: He slept around with a married mother of seven.
• 36:41
  Speaker 11: Accused of adultery by his wife, who filed for divorce
• 36:45
  Speaker 11: last year on, quote, biblical grounds.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: Biblical grounds?
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: I've never heard that before. Imagine showing up to your
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: divorce with a Bible going, he committed all the sins.
• 37:10
  Speaker 3: You're just standing there like, whatever thou shalt not, he did.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: This guy is garbage, so what is it about him
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: that Trump likes?
• 37:19
  Speaker 14: Tell you what, I love President Trump.
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: Every time I'm around him, it's infectious.
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: That's a weird way to describe your relationship.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: Did you cheat on your wife with Trump? But I
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: guess that's what.
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: Matters to Trump. He doesn't care about competence, he just
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: wants loyalty. That's why he endorsed Ken Paxton over John Cornyn,
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: and it's why he endorsed Ed Gowrine over Thomas Massey,
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: even though Massey was more MAGA than Trump. But Thomas
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: Massey told Trump he's not gonna blow him to get elected,
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: while Ken Paxton told Trump, watch me suck this peanut
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: butter through a straw and see what I can do
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: for you.
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: And it's chunky.
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: And that's the difference between these two parties. They both
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: have kingmakers, but kingmakers are looking for two different things
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: on each party. One looks for this in his candidates.
• 38:23
  Speaker 10: A fight to reject the politics of big money and
• 38:25
  Speaker 10: small ideas. Making healthcare more affordable and making housing more affordable.
• 38:29
  Speaker 10: A vote for a city you can afford.
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: And the other looks for this.
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: When people like me, I like them.
• 38:36
  Speaker 5: It's very simple.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: It's a very simple formula.
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: That's not really a formula. I mean, I guess it's
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: a formula this guy could understand. Whatever you think about
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: Trump or Mamdani, it's very clear that they are controlling
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: the vibe of their party. And voters are eager to see,
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: come November, which base is going to sound like this.