Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Doing our Family Road Trip - Season 1 (Pt. 1) | Ep. 70

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Doing our Family Road Trip - Season 1 (Pt. 1) | Ep. 70 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:06
  Hey, welcome to the Parenting Podcast.
• 0:09
  I'm your host, Cheryl Lang.
• 0:12
  Whether you're a long-term listener or new to T V P, I wanted to tell you a little bit about what goes on behind the scenes of the production of our podcast.
• 0:24
  We are small.
• 0:26
  In fact, I kind of wear all the hats except for the others sitting at the recording table.
• 0:33
  So in my life, if I hit a road bump, getting our episodes to you sometimes is delayed because I do all the hosting, directing, production, and all of the audio editing and technology for each episode so it can be posted.
• 0:52
  A couple of weeks ago, I was having huge internet troubles at my house and we just couldn't get it done in time.
• 0:59
  And then last week I got sick and so we postponed this episode until now.
• 1:07
  Oh, thank you for your understanding and realize it is not a lack of diligence or commitment, but maybe a curve ball in my week in Getting the Parenting Podcast out to you on time today, our recording team of Ellen Christie, and me continue discussing the Family Road.
• 1:28
  But our focus on the inauguration, the beginning season with our young children, what that looks like, what's exciting and wonderful about it, but also what's hard.
• 1:41
  But our aim is to bring you realistic encouragement as you navigate this season.
• 1:46
  Awesome.
• 1:54
  Christie: You know, even before coming in here to record, it's, it's funny to rehash all of those years Cheryl, that you were mentoring me along and reminding you of some of the things that you said to me.
• 2:03
  Christie: yeah, my years in this season were lived with you.
• 2:07
  Christie: Yeah.
• 2:07
  Cheryl: Oh yeah And it's an amazing, exciting time, but it's also really a challenge.
• 2:14
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 2:14
  Cheryl: because the difference between where we are right now and our parenting and when we're in this season, it.
• 2:21
  Cheryl: We didn't have thousands of miles.
• 2:24
  Christie: Right.
• 2:25
  Christie: On our parenting.
• 2:25
  Christie: Right.
• 2:26
  Christie: And it's all new.
• 2:27
  Christie: It's, I mean, everything that you're looking down the road to is brand new when you're first starting out.
• 2:32
  Christie: It really is
• 2:33
  Cheryl: because, your first child, obviously, but if you have more children mm-hmm.
• 2:39
  Cheryl: and your family's growing, well, remember, this is the first time you've had three
• 2:43
  Christie: children, right?
• 2:44
  Christie: And this child, yes.
• 2:46
  Christie: Every, every child is their own child.
• 2:49
  Cheryl: And then you can't quit parenting the others Uhhuh, just that it, it can be more of a complex.
• 2:55
  Cheryl: roadmap than we had it intended.
• 2:57
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 2:58
  Ellen: in zero to five, you can easily have two children or more in there, or more, yes.
• 3:02
  Ellen: Or more me in that little window.
• 3:06
  Ellen: So all of a sudden you are running a preschool.
• 3:09
  Ellen: Right
• 3:09
  Cheryl: But I love that we're dealing with it this way, that we're gonna look through the seasons because I think, personally for me, If I'd had more of a roadmap mentality, it sure would've equipped me particularly.
• 3:24
  Cheryl: Oh sure.
• 3:25
  Cheryl: So.
• 3:26
  Cheryl: Then brainstorm with me what are some of the characteristics of this first season of parenting?
• 3:32
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 3:33
  Cheryl: That we
• 3:33
  Christie: have.
• 3:33
  Christie: So we're talking like zero to about age five.
• 3:37
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 3:37
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 3:37
  Christie: Yeah.
• 3:37
  Christie: Those early newborn toddler.
• 3:41
  Christie: preschool years.
• 3:42
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 3:42
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 3:43
  Christie: and man, I mean they are fun, but they're also so hard and draining and Yeah.
• 3:49
  Cheryl: Well one of the thing is there's a lot of energy.
• 3:52
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 3:53
  Christie: there's exciting for, for one party of us at
• 3:55
  Cheryl: least Well, you know, but I enjoyed, personally, having little people look at the world and be so excited.
• 4:04
  Cheryl: To realize how much fun ants can be.
• 4:07
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 4:08
  Cheryl: Or the excitement when they f Like my grandson the other day, started patty cake and then he, the next week, then he looked at his sister and he started rolling his hands, like, oh, roll'em.
• 4:23
  Cheryl: Roll them.
• 4:23
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:24
  Cheryl: Part of it.
• 4:25
  Cheryl: There's so much to learn you know, there's all of that.
• 4:29
  Cheryl: It's high level learning
• 4:31
  Christie: all the time.
• 4:32
  Christie: Right.
• 4:32
  Christie: There are little sponges that pick up every single thing That's true.
• 4:35
  Christie: And they're looking to us.
• 4:37
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 4:37
  Christie: And older siblings.
• 4:38
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 4:38
  Christie: For everything.
• 4:39
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 4:39
  Christie: how should I feel about this?
• 4:40
  Christie: Is this scary?
• 4:41
  Christie: Is it mm-hmm.
• 4:42
  Christie: is this person okay.
• 4:43
  Christie: To trust?
• 4:45
  Cheryl: What are some of the struggles that you have?
• 4:46
  Cheryl: With this group?
• 4:47
  Cheryl: If we were, uh, like we were trip advisors mm-hmm.
• 4:52
  Cheryl: for this particular people getting ready to start this family road trip mm-hmm.
• 4:57
  Cheryl: that they're going on, what are some of the struggles that they might have?
• 5:00
  Christie: Well, you haven't slept in a minute.
• 5:03
  Christie: that's a hard thing.
• 5:03
  Christie: Thing.
• 5:04
  Christie: Sleep is big deal.
• 5:04
  Christie: Physical sleep.
• 5:05
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:05
  Christie: The physical weight of, you know, your body is tired, your body's been through a lot.
• 5:10
  Christie: If you've given birth and your brain just tired.
• 5:13
  Christie: Your brain's and, and just physiologically, hormonally, you know, it's not the same as it you're used to being in the season.
• 5:19
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:20
  Christie: Well also
• 5:21
  Cheryl: But dads as well, because they're used to kind of coming home maybe to their wife.
• 5:26
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 5:26
  Cheryl: or a quiet house.
• 5:28
  Cheryl: Right.
• 5:28
  Cheryl: And there is just a lot of, yeah.
• 5:30
  Cheryl: Lifestyle changes, a lot of noise, a lot of movement.
• 5:34
  Cheryl: That's really different.
• 5:35
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 5:35
  Cheryl: Than it was.
• 5:37
  Cheryl: What do we say pb?
• 5:38
  Cheryl: Pre-baby
• 5:39
  Christie: right?
• 5:39
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:39
  Christie: They even your
• 5:40
  Ellen: You
• 5:40
  Christie: know, I did enjoy their perspective.
• 5:43
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 5:43
  Christie: drawing me into seeing things through their little eyes but I, I also didn't understand how hard it was going to be.
• 5:51
  Christie: emotionally, you know,
• 5:53
  Cheryl: let's talk about what, what was it that was emotionally hard?
• 5:57
  Cheryl: Well,
• 5:57
  Christie: just all of their needs, you know, everybody needing something from you all the time and not always knowing what those needs are.
• 6:06
  Christie: right You know, toddlers sometimes.
• 6:07
  Christie: Just can't communicate.
• 6:09
  Christie: And babies, you don't always know what to do when you're early in your parenting.
• 6:13
  Christie: I mean,
• 6:14
  Ellen: Exactly.
• 6:14
  Cheryl: As well as emotional energy.
• 6:16
  Cheryl: there's a lot of physical energy Yeah.
• 6:18
  Cheryl: That you have to give.
• 6:20
  Cheryl: I would say.
• 6:21
  Cheryl: One of the surprises for me is how repetitive it is.
• 6:24
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 6:24
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:25
  Cheryl: yeah.
• 6:26
  Cheryl: And cuz you do the same thing.
• 6:27
  Cheryl: Right?
• 6:28
  Cheryl: And so I was surprised.
• 6:30
  Cheryl: I didn't expect that.
• 6:32
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:32
  Cheryl: The mundane, the mundane.
• 6:34
  Cheryl: Uhhuh I thought, oh, I'm having a baby.
• 6:37
  Cheryl: Right.
• 6:37
  Cheryl: You know, I'm creating life and it's gonna be this fabulous adventure.
• 6:43
  Cheryl: You didn't know
• 6:43
  Ellen: it was gonna be the zombie years where you feel like a zombie, right?
• 6:47
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 6:47
  Ellen: You know, a lot of times
• 6:48
  you're
• 6:49
  Christie: just, you wake up every day to do the same thing every day.
• 6:52
  Christie: Yes.
• 6:52
  Christie: Yeah.
• 6:52
  Christie: I remember
• 6:53
  Cheryl: crying our whole lifestyle had been up.
• 6:56
  Cheryl: Turn because instead of staying where we were living with our friends and our community and everything, we went back to Bill's grad school.
• 7:04
  Cheryl: And so I really didn't know anybody, you know, mm-hmm.
• 7:07
  Cheryl: and it was such a shock to me because he got up, he went to class.
• 7:11
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:11
  Cheryl: he studied, he worked, and I stayed home with the baby.
• 7:15
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:15
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:16
  Cheryl: every single day.
• 7:19
  Cheryl: And so at nine o'clock she's been up, she's nursed, she's clean, she's back in bed, the house is clean.
• 7:25
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:26
  Cheryl: and it's nine o'clock in the morning.
• 7:28
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:29
  Cheryl: and I was just shocked by this.
• 7:30
  Cheryl: Right.
• 7:31
  Cheryl: So it kind of goes in between a flur of activity and nothing?
• 7:36
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 7:37
  Cheryl: Oh, it's like a hurricane, right?
• 7:38
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 7:39
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 7:40
  Cheryl: Very much so.
• 7:41
  Cheryl: Right.
• 7:41
  Christie: Well, that's what I was thinking is then there's that, because I definitely experienced that.
• 7:46
  Christie: I got swallowed up by all of the practical needs and yes, sort of looked at the season as a grin and Barrett mm-hmm.
• 7:52
  Christie: type thing.
• 7:53
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 7:53
  Christie: you know, just get everyone to bedtime was the goal.
• 7:55
  Christie: Yes.
• 7:55
  Christie: You know, get through all the mealtimes, get through the bath times, get to bedtime, and then do it again tomorrow.
• 8:00
  Christie: And that really, I think, robbed me of a lot of joy.
• 8:04
  Christie: And like I said, not to say that I didn't enjoy any of it.
• 8:08
  Christie: Yeah.
• 8:08
  Christie: But the big picture.
• 8:11
  Christie: I think looking back I did get so bogged down in everyone's Yes.
• 8:16
  Christie: Needs and the tantrums and, um, you know, having to teach them things you didn't realize, people didn't know Yeah.
• 8:22
  Christie: Mundane lifestyle that that feels like it lasts forever.
• 8:26
  Christie: but the opposite um, just loss of control, you know, the things just coming at you.
• 8:33
  Christie: Random things.
• 8:34
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 8:34
  Christie: you know, you wake up thinking, I know how this day's going to go.
• 8:38
  Christie: Yes.
• 8:38
  Christie: You think you have your routine, whether it be at home, you know, or getting kids to daycare and then.
• 8:44
  Christie: one kid, pukes, and then the other one, you know, needs stitches.
• 8:48
  Christie: Yeah.
• 8:49
  Christie: So you've got the puking kid and the kid that you've gotta, you know, and they've puked on you.
• 8:52
  Christie: Right.
• 8:53
  Christie: after you're dressed and ready for the day.
• 8:55
  Christie: Yeah.
• 8:55
  Christie: And so just those unexpected crises that tend to happen, that, you know, under any circumstances maybe wouldn't be a crisis, but when you have a house full of little
• 9:05
  Cheryl: kids, well, Christie, in addition to that, I thought I would have more control.
• 9:10
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 9:10
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 9:11
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 9:11
  Ellen: Yeah, absolutely
• 9:12
  Cheryl: and, I'm sorry.
• 9:13
  Cheryl: Individual human beings.
• 9:15
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 9:15
  Cheryl: Kind of live according to the way they're going to do and Right.
• 9:18
  Cheryl: And
• 9:19
  Ellen: especially at those ages, they don't understand you're being selfish right now,
• 9:24
  Christie: Well, and and I think those were the moments where I realized I'm the adult.
• 9:29
  Christie: Like I'm looking around and I'm realizing I'm the only one.
• 9:33
  Christie: Yes.
• 9:33
  Christie: Here.
• 9:35
  Christie: That knows how to call the doctor Yeah.
• 9:37
  Christie: Knows how to drive a car.
• 9:38
  Christie: Like you can't ask Yeah.
• 9:40
  Christie: A child to help you at this age.
• 9:42
  Christie: You're, it's on you and, and you're supposed to be the grown adult in the room.
• 9:45
  Christie: Right.
• 9:46
  Christie: And I just wanna sit down and cry about how hard this is.
• 9:49
  Christie: Yeah.
• 9:49
  Christie: And
• 9:49
  Ellen: even if it's not just the physical stuff, which is very demanding in those first five years, then you're so afraid you're gonna mess'em up.
• 9:56
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 9:56
  Ellen: Well, what if.
• 9:57
  Ellen: Smile when I should have smiled and, oh, it just, what if I was cranky and you know, I can remember, yeah, Mike, because he was in the military, he'd be gone for long periods of time and the baby had colic He wouldn't stop crying.
• 10:11
  Ellen: I would just have to put the baby in the crib.
• 10:13
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 10:14
  Ellen: And I'd just go in the shower and take a shower because, He wouldn't stop crying.
• 10:19
  Ellen: And I didn't know what else to do and I didn't have any parents around.
• 10:23
  Ellen: I wasn't near family.
• 10:24
  Ellen: I was in the middle of nowhere.
• 10:26
  Ellen: Wow.
• 10:26
  Ellen: And that was all I could do.
• 10:28
  Ellen: And then I'd get out and he'd still be crying and then I'd try to comfort.
• 10:31
  Ellen: And you know, that was my first baby.
• 10:33
  Ellen: I had no idea.
• 10:34
  Ellen: Right.
• 10:35
  Ellen: And back then it was just sort of, oh, whatever he'll grow out of.
• 10:38
  Ellen: Right.
• 10:38
  Ellen: And you're thinking, uh, I don't know.
• 10:41
  Ellen: A I will
• 10:41
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 10:42
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 10:43
  Ellen: Well,
• 10:43
  Christie: that's the thing is there's so many things you don't know.
• 10:45
  Christie: Yes.
• 10:46
  Christie: But you don't know that you don't know them until you're in the moment.
• 10:48
  Christie: True.
• 10:48
  Christie: I remember you were talking about the shower.
• 10:51
  Christie: I remember the first day Tim had gone back to work and Cassidy was, you know, maybe six weeks old and I was going to have to take a shower and we forgot to discuss, or I never had had the situation.
• 11:04
  Christie: Wait, can I take a shower?
• 11:05
  Christie: Yes.
• 11:06
  Christie: Like what do I do with her?
• 11:07
  Christie: Yeah.
• 11:07
  Christie: When, you know, and I finally learned to bring a bouncy seed into the, you know, bathroom or put her in a safe crib or, but I just didn't know what was appropriate with a
• 11:16
  Cheryl: newborn.
• 11:17
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 11:17
  Cheryl: And this is on steroids with social media the way it is.
• 11:22
  Cheryl: Oh yeah.
• 11:23
  Cheryl: Because there.
• 11:24
  Cheryl: 400 podcasts, right?
• 11:26
  Cheryl: And then there's every sort of Insta or anything you want to watch with
• 11:31
  Christie: contradicting opinions and thoughts.
• 11:33
  Cheryl: A thousand.
• 11:34
  Cheryl: Which of these 40 different things do I do?
• 11:36
  Cheryl: Yeah And in the middle of it, you're
• 11:38
  Ellen: tired, so you don't wanna have to choose, this is any me money?
• 11:41
  Ellen: You?
• 11:42
  Cheryl: I'll do that one.
• 11:42
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 11:42
  Cheryl: And then this isn't working the way that said it was going to.
• 11:46
  Cheryl: Right?
• 11:46
  Cheryl: You know, if I do.
• 11:48
  Cheryl: yeah.
• 11:48
  Cheryl: This, this, this.
• 11:50
  Cheryl: I'm gonna get this.
• 11:51
  Cheryl: And, you know, I felt it myself fully.
• 11:55
  Cheryl: Ellen, I'm so afraid I'm running my baby.
• 11:58
  Cheryl: Oh, I know.
• 11:58
  Cheryl: I'm so afraid.
• 12:00
  Cheryl: And, and I just see it growing worse than what we had because of the thousands of voices.
• 12:06
  Christie: Yes.
• 12:06
  Christie: Yes
• 12:07
  Cheryl: And they all speak with such authority.
• 12:09
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 12:10
  Cheryl: And so if I don't do what these 40 people say, or this 15 podcast, am I ruin my little one?
• 12:18
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 12:18
  Christie: That.
• 12:19
  Christie: Right.
• 12:19
  Christie: Well, and that's the thing is when your kids are this age, regardless of how old you are, when you have the first baby, whether you're 19 or 33, you haven't had the life experience that parenting does to us and in us.
• 12:33
  Christie: Yes.
• 12:33
  Christie: Yes.
• 12:33
  Christie: And so no matter what your age, there's still some immaturity there because you haven't had these experiences yet.
• 12:39
  Christie: So we're really grow growing up with our kids.
• 12:41
  Christie: Remember after our second baby, we were finally gonna get to go on a date without, you know, the toddler, but the, the baby was still nursing, so we were gonna take her and she was quiet enough, you know.
• 12:52
  Christie: Well, we were like, oh, you know, we haven't been on a date in so long.
• 12:54
  Christie: What did we like to do before we had kids?
• 12:57
  Christie: Well, we like to go ice skating, So we thought, oh, this'll be great forgetting we had this nursing baby in tow.
• 13:04
  Christie: Oh my goodness.
• 13:04
  Christie: So we literally are driving to the ice skating rink.
• 13:07
  Christie: Before we were like, wait a minute, That's great.
• 13:10
  Christie: Not so fast.
• 13:11
  Christie: Still work free, but not that free Oh my God,
• 13:14
  Cheryl: that's funny.
• 13:14
  Cheryl: And.
• 13:16
  Cheryl: Uh, we had friends and they go, oh, we can do it.
• 13:19
  Cheryl: And they took their little baby to a movie.
• 13:21
  Cheryl: Oh yeah.
• 13:22
  Cheryl: Because they thought, oh, that's okay cuz this is a very quiet baby.
• 13:25
  Cheryl: Well in a house.
• 13:27
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 13:27
  Cheryl: And so forth.
• 13:28
  Cheryl: But you put'em in a silent movie theater.
• 13:30
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 13:31
  Cheryl: with other adults
• 13:32
  Ellen: who want to watch the movie.
• 13:33
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 13:35
  Cheryl: You know, so all of this, these are the funnier stories and we could just sit here and tell one story after we without ourself it is the weight.
• 13:42
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 13:43
  Cheryl: of that.
• 13:43
  Cheryl: Parenting is that, I don't know.
• 13:46
  Cheryl: There are a lot of other things in our life that you get introduced to that are, are wonderful, positive things.
• 13:53
  Cheryl: Right.
• 13:53
  Cheryl: But they just carry so
• 13:54
  Christie: much weight to them.
• 13:55
  Christie: Yeah.
• 13:55
  Christie: It's just the essence of on the job training, right?
• 13:58
  Christie: I mean, definition of the
• 14:00
  Cheryl: phrase.
• 14:01
  Cheryl: And Yeah.
• 14:01
  Cheryl: And that's the frustration.
• 14:03
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 14:03
  Cheryl: is, I don't want to learn.
• 14:04
  Cheryl: I wanna know and fix it.
• 14:06
  Cheryl: Right.
• 14:08
  Ellen: Because it doesn't matter how much babysitting you've done or taking care of younger siblings when it's your own baby and your own lack of sleep and all the other things, it's,
• 14:18
  Cheryl: it's hard.
• 14:18
  Christie: Yes.
• 14:19
  Christie: I mean
• 14:19
  Ellen: you then we find out how
• 14:20
  Christie: really selfish we are.
• 14:21
  Christie: Right?
• 14:21
  Christie: You've never had to yourself like
• 14:23
  Ellen: this, and I don't mean that in a bad or condemning way, but all of a sudden you realize, oh, I had all these expectations of what I was gonna do today.
• 14:30
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 14:30
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 14:31
  Ellen: And all of it's changed and I'm really miffed.
• 14:34
  Ellen: Right.
• 14:36
  Cheryl: when I, and I think expectations are the issue.
• 14:40
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 14:40
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 14:40
  Cheryl: okay.
• 14:41
  Cheryl: Of myself, of the circumstance of my children.
• 14:45
  Cheryl: But I am gonna speak into this because Ellen you talked about being miffed.
• 14:50
  Cheryl: If you're out there listening and you are struggling with your emotions or, with your anger, Please call someone.
• 14:57
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 14:58
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 14:58
  Cheryl: reach out, get some help.
• 15:00
  Cheryl: Don't stay.
• 15:01
  Cheryl: by yourself.
• 15:02
  Cheryl: Right, right.
• 15:02
  Cheryl: And don't try to conquer that.
• 15:04
  Cheryl: Reach out cuz there are a lot of good things to help.
• 15:07
  Cheryl: We're really serious.
• 15:08
  Cheryl: Use your phone, get the children safe, and just text the hotline for mental health?
• 15:15
  Cheryl: 9 88.
• 15:16
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 15:17
  Cheryl: right now.
• 15:18
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 15:18
  Cheryl: It's okay.
• 15:19
  Cheryl: Reach out and get some help.
• 15:21
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 15:21
  Christie: Yeah, because that.
• 15:23
  Christie: Anger.
• 15:24
  Christie: Yeah.
• 15:24
  Christie: It, it just grows.
• 15:26
  Christie: And, and bitterness can just rob you right.
• 15:28
  Christie: Of the joy with your kids.
• 15:30
  Christie: It robs your kids of, of having a joyful mom and getting some help early on is, is really helpful.
• 15:36
  Christie: and
• 15:36
  Ellen: you're in a negative state, right.
• 15:38
  Ellen: You're already really tired.
• 15:39
  Ellen: That's how we kind of started this conversation.
• 15:41
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 15:41
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 15:42
  Ellen: You're tired, you're worn out, you're not sure what to do.
• 15:45
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 15:45
  Ellen: you feel overwhelmed.
• 15:47
  Ellen: You feel alone.
• 15:48
  Ellen: Right.
• 15:48
  Cheryl: And it's really wonderful.
• 15:49
  Cheryl: at your fingertips.
• 15:51
  Cheryl: We can get some good helmets.
• 15:52
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 15:52
  Christie: And just the very fact that we're saying this, we're not trying to be dark or we're just trying to be encouraging we hope it feels relatable.
• 15:59
  Christie: Yeah.
• 15:59
  Christie: I mean, it's a, a common struggle for for young moms.
• 16:03
  Christie: Yeah.
• 16:03
  Christie: And not to
• 16:03
  Ellen: be ashamed that it's a struggle.
• 16:05
  Ellen: Right.
• 16:05
  Ellen: Because it's an adjustment.
• 16:07
  Ellen: Yes.
• 16:08
  Ellen: We keep forgetting that you become a new parent.
• 16:10
  Ellen: A huge, it's a huge
• 16:12
  Christie: adjustment.
• 16:13
  Cheryl: Well, and we talk about the road trip mentality.
• 16:15
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 16:16
  Cheryl: And I would say, I think for me, and I thought I was pretty prepared, I'd been a teacher and I'd babysat and been the older sister.
• 16:23
  Cheryl: rather than, um, a road trip.
• 16:25
  Cheryl: It felt like a free fall.
• 16:27
  Cheryl: Skydive thing.
• 16:29
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 16:29
  Cheryl: I thought I knew I was gonna do and the next thing I knew, I'm jumping out of a plane.
• 16:33
  Cheryl: Um, right.
• 16:34
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 16:34
  Cheryl: Free fall.
• 16:35
  Cheryl: Cause I don't know how to handle whatever it is.
• 16:37
  Cheryl: That's
• 16:37
  Christie: a great word.
• 16:38
  Christie: Picture for those emotions.
• 16:39
  Christie: I, I felt more like a deer in the headlights, you know, just like stop stare.
• 16:43
  Christie: Like, I know I'm the adult here.
• 16:45
  Christie: I know I'm supposed to have a plan.
• 16:46
  Christie: I know I'm supposed to have a vision.
• 16:48
  Christie: Yeah, but I don't, and I don't know how I would implement it if I did Yeah.
• 16:52
  Christie: I don't
• 16:52
  Ellen: even know what I'm supposed to envision.
• 16:54
  Ellen: Right.
• 16:54
  Ellen: You know,
• 16:56
  Cheryl: so that's a little bit of the free fall.
• 16:57
  Cheryl: So this is sort of what it feels like to be in that beginning.
• 17:01
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:02
  Cheryl: uh, part of the road trip.
• 17:03
  Cheryl: And I think actually in this case, the road trip is a good analogy because you do have to figure out what you're gonna do.
• 17:11
  Cheryl: There's some parallels between a physical rug trip.
• 17:13
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:14
  Cheryl: and this this beginning season of parenting.
• 17:16
  Cheryl: Right.
• 17:16
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 17:17
  Cheryl: But what would we say?
• 17:18
  Cheryl: How would we speak into this to say, yeah, you know, tighten your seatbelt.
• 17:23
  Cheryl: Good luck.
• 17:24
  Cheryl: We don't, you know, because it is a surprise, but the joy that it is, the excitement, the anticipation.
• 17:30
  Cheryl: and my goodness, the opportunity.
• 17:32
  Cheryl: The opportunity,
• 17:33
  Christie: yeah.
• 17:33
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 17:34
  Christie: Yeah.
• 17:34
  Christie: I think it, the season you're stepping out into this parenting, you know, road adventure.
• 17:39
  Christie: Road trip.
• 17:40
  Christie: Yeah.
• 17:41
  Christie: with a clean slate.
• 17:42
  Christie: And just like with, you know, planning a trip.
• 17:45
  Christie: It's exciting to Yes.
• 17:47
  Christie: Do the research mm-hmm.
• 17:48
  Christie: and find the new places we can visit on the way, you know, along the, the journey and what's gonna happen.
• 17:54
  Christie: I don't know.
• 17:54
  Christie: It's, it's all these exciting things that we're anticipating the highs and we do know there's gonna be some lows along the way, but it's just an excitement and optimism that we have in this
• 18:04
  Cheryl: season.
• 18:05
  Cheryl: Well, and that's why I like this picture.
• 18:06
  Cheryl: We have.
• 18:07
  Cheryl: of planning out your road trip.
• 18:09
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 18:10
  Cheryl: because what did give me encouragement in this young season was where I thought I wanted to go with my children.
• 18:19
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 18:19
  Cheryl: The excitement of what God might be able to do through us.
• 18:24
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 18:24
  Cheryl: in our children.
• 18:25
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 18:26
  Cheryl: right?
• 18:26
  Cheryl: As we get to that California mm-hmm.
• 18:29
  Cheryl: end and so forth.
• 18:30
  Cheryl: Right.
• 18:30
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 18:30
  Cheryl: What I like about that roadmap model.
• 18:32
  Cheryl: right, is making a realistic assumption that we're getting somewhere.
• 18:38
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 18:39
  Cheryl: Instead of we're stuck in we're still over way in Roanoke, Virginia, and we haven't gotten far and.
• 18:45
  Cheryl: two blowouts, right?
• 18:48
  Cheryl: I at the tires.
• 18:49
  Cheryl: Oh, yeah.
• 18:49
  Cheryl: But sometimes it's the kids, but just That vision of a roadmap mm-hmm.
• 18:54
  Cheryl: to give me some perspective, right.
• 18:57
  Cheryl: When we're chipping off the miles as we're driving in it, particularly in this early
• 19:01
  Christie: season.
• 19:02
  Christie: Right.
• 19:02
  Christie: And if you go into a road trip remembering there's going to be those road bumps along the way.
• 19:08
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 19:09
  Christie: you can have a lot more fun on the trip or in parenting a lot more joy knowing this is, this is normal, this is part of it.
• 19:18
  Cheryl: and that's what it brings to me.
• 19:19
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:19
  Cheryl: is going, oh, by the way, this is normal, right?
• 19:22
  Cheryl: Right?
• 19:22
  Christie: Well I think, you know, just looking at kind of the characteristics of this season, one of the big ones is optimism.
• 19:30
  Christie: Oh, yes.
• 19:30
  Christie: There's a lot of optimism when you first start having your children.
• 19:34
  Christie: Yes.
• 19:34
  Christie: You know, we talked a little bit about that last week, about just the anticipation of getting this new baby.
• 19:40
  Christie: Yes.
• 19:40
  Christie: And then all the sweet things after the baby shower, you just sit in the nursery and oo and awe on everything and, and it's just full of possibilities and wanting to do things your own way with your children.
• 19:52
  Christie: Maybe the same as how you grew up or different than how you grew up.
• 19:55
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 19:56
  Christie: Yes.
• 19:56
  Christie: And, and yeah.
• 19:57
  Christie: There's just a lot of anticipation.
• 19:59
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 20:00
  Cheryl: that, and I think that's intentionally mm-hmm.
• 20:03
  Cheryl: I think God built that into this season.
• 20:06
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:06
  Cheryl: that we should have that optimism and the excitement And that's the
• 20:10
  Ellen: whole point of what we're actually learning more than our children, our wholely, because we're learning about ourselves, right.
• 20:17
  Ellen: And we're learning, okay, I don't enjoy this, this isn't fun, but I have to figure out a way to.
• 20:24
  Ellen: kind of make it work.
• 20:25
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 20:25
  Ellen: you know, this is not my favorite thing to be doing right now, but I'm, how do I make this work so that my children feel loved and secure and even though in my mind I'd rather be doing something else.
• 20:35
  Ellen: Right.
• 20:36
  Ellen: Excellent.
• 20:36
  Christie: you know, well, yeah.
• 20:37
  Christie: In this season especially, maybe the, the roadmap and the core values are for us just as much as they are for our kids.
• 20:46
  Christie: Yes.
• 20:47
  Christie: To refocus us when, you know, I think, I remember when we were talking about the season before our mom was talking about it being kind of a practical season.
• 20:58
  Christie: Yes.
• 20:58
  Christie: And she, she felt like, you know, relationship would come later.
• 21:01
  Christie: Yeah.
• 21:01
  Christie: But we're developing these values in our own selves.
• 21:06
  Christie: Alongside our children.
• 21:07
  Christie: So remembering the goal refocuses our hearts so that we're maybe even subconsciously communicating them to our kids in this season more than we realize.
• 21:19
  I'm sorry to have to stop the conversation here, but don't worry, we will pick it up next time and have some practical and encouraging ideas for those of you in this beginning season of your family road trip.
• 21:34
  So remember parents, hang in there.
• 21:37
  Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.
• 21:49
  This first season is a mixture of a lot of different challenges, but also incredible delights.
• 21:56
  So what about you?
• 21:58
  What are some of the highs and lows of your first season on your family road trip?
• 22:04
  We'd love to hear from you.
• 22:06
  Do you us on social media or text us?
• 22:09
  contact@theparentingpodcast.com or just go to our website.
• 22:16
  Before we close, I did want to circle back again and emphasize that if you're struggling with your emotions or in a hard place, we just encourage you to reach out and get some help.
• 22:31
  The Mental Health hotline again is 9 8 8, or talk to a really trusted friend, or your doctor or pastor, or maybe even reach out to a counselor.
• 22:43
  Don't try to just do this on your.
• 22:46
  If you feel like you could use some help, be wise and get it.
• 22:51
  Until next time.
• 22:53
  Thank you so much for listening to the Parenting podcast, and we look forward to finishing up the conversation about this incredible journey with our little ones.