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Why Can’t I Get My Life Together? Maybe Disorganization Isn’t the Real Problem · Rock My Finances

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  Speaker 1: Investment advisory and financial planning services are offered through Simplicity
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  Speaker 1: be specific financial guidance. Before you make any decisions regarding
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  Speaker 1: your personal financial situation, you should consult a financial or
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  Speaker 1: tax professional to discuss your individual circumstances and objectives.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Rock My Finances show on K4HD Radio
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  Speaker 2: and Talk4TV, where we put the fun in finance. Join
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  Speaker 2: powerhouse Jennifer Jost, CDFA, CMC, and private wealth advisor, as
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  Speaker 2: she collaborates with you to create clarity, control, and confidence
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  Speaker 2: with your money, your way.
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  Speaker 3: It's not about the zeros, so what is it all about?
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  Speaker 2: Let's find out. Now, here's your host and weekly friend,
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  Speaker 2: Jennifer Jost.
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  Speaker 3: Welcome back to Rock My Finances. Today, we're going to
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  Speaker 3: have a really good show for all of us procrastinators
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  Speaker 3: or perfectionists. And it's going to be talking about organization.
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  Speaker 3: Why can't I get my life together? Maybe disorganization isn't
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  Speaker 3: the real problem.
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  Speaker 2: Okay.
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  Speaker 3: Have you ever looked around your house, maybe your office
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  Speaker 3: or even your car? Oh, maybe even your email like me,
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  Speaker 3: or maybe just your whole life and thought, why can't
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  Speaker 3: I get myself together? Well, you know what needs to
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  Speaker 3: be done, right? Like right now, my center console in
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  Speaker 3: my car absolutely needs to be cleaned up. The papers
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  Speaker 3: need to be filed. I literally am not even done
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  Speaker 3: with my taxes yet. I need to file all of that.
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  Speaker 3: The appointment needs to be made. I need to get
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  Speaker 3: my glasses fixed. Look at, they're all scratched up. Like, hello,
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  Speaker 3: put yourself first, right? The emails need to be answered.
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  Speaker 3: That I do regularly, not a problem. Maybe your closet
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  Speaker 3: might even need to be cleaned. I'm actually good there
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  Speaker 3: as well. Maybe some returns. Oh, I don't know about you,
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  Speaker 3: but I am terrible at returning things. I have been
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  Speaker 3: so good since I moved to North Carolina. But I
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  Speaker 3: tell you, in California, I would have three, four, five
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  Speaker 3: bags to return. And I would just save them all
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  Speaker 3: up and do them all in one day. And I
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  Speaker 3: always had returns laying around. Maybe you might have some
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  Speaker 3: forms to be completed. Maybe you are trying to get
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  Speaker 3: a refund from a medical situation or something else that
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  Speaker 3: you know you need to send in that receipt. Maybe
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  Speaker 3: you've thought about this 147 times and yet there it is.
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  Speaker 3: It still sits there. I think we all have a
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  Speaker 3: stack of papers somewhere, right? And then junk drawers. Do
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  Speaker 3: you remember when we had COVID? No one had messy
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  Speaker 3: junk drawers because we were home so much. But all
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  Speaker 3: of this happens to all of us. But here's the
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  Speaker 3: dangerous part. When we turn behavior into an identity, I'm
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  Speaker 3: so disorganized. I'm such a procrastinator. I can never keep up.
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  Speaker 3: I am just terrible at paperwork. I can't finish anything.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, I hear people say all the time, I
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  Speaker 3: am terrible at money. I am terrible with my finances.
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  Speaker 3: I hate it. I'm horrible. I know nothing. It just
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  Speaker 3: actually makes people think, what is wrong with me?
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  Speaker 1: Right?
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  Speaker 3: So we take that on as an identity. Oh, there's
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  Speaker 3: a bug. Gotta love it. I want to challenge all
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  Speaker 3: of this today.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe.
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  Speaker 3: absolutely nothing is wrong with you. And maybe you've been
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  Speaker 3: trying to solve the wrong problem. How do you like that?
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  Speaker 3: Because procrastination isn't always about avoiding a task. Sometimes you're
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  Speaker 3: avoiding the F word, the feeling the task create. That
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  Speaker 3: unopened envelope may not be the paperwork, but it may
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  Speaker 3: be anxiety of what's inside the envelope. The closet may
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  Speaker 3: not actually be the clothes, but it may be a
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  Speaker 3: confrontation of you looking how your body has changed and me, shoes,
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  Speaker 3: because I can't wear my heels now because of my back.
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  Speaker 3: I fell down and my back kind of smushed. I
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  Speaker 3: can't wear heels. So it's depressing to me when I
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  Speaker 3: organize all my shoes because they're boring, ugly, flat shoes, right?
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  Speaker 3: That goes beyond just disorganization. The unfinished project may not
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  Speaker 3: be poor time management. It may be fear that you
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  Speaker 3: aren't capable of actually finishing it. Or if you're like me, perfectionist,
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  Speaker 3: doing it perfect. The financial paperwork may not be just boring,
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  Speaker 3: but it may force you to look at something that
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  Speaker 3: you really just don't want to know. The phone call
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  Speaker 3: that you've avoided may require you to actually disappoint someone. Suddenly,
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  Speaker 3: we're not talking about organization anymore. We're talking about emotions.
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  Speaker 3: We're talking about the F word. How do we feel
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  Speaker 3: around this? And you cannot buy a container at, say, Target, Walmart, wherever,
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  Speaker 3: big enough to organize this type of an emotion. That's
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  Speaker 3: why sometimes we clean the entire kitchen instead of making
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  Speaker 3: that one phone call. I mean, look at me. I
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  Speaker 3: still have my taxes to do. And what did I
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  Speaker 3: start doing? Making sourdough bread. I'm making a loaf every
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  Speaker 3: day or two loaves every day. So I'm running from
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  Speaker 3: other stuff, right? But I can tell you getting my
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  Speaker 3: hands in that dough and making the bread makes me very,
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  Speaker 3: very happy. So it is part of my joy. And
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  Speaker 3: at the same time, I need to recognize why am
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  Speaker 3: I not doing what I know needs to be done?
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  Speaker 3: This is why sometimes we don't even realize what we
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  Speaker 3: are doing and why we're sidetracking. There's something you really
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  Speaker 3: need to do. And suddenly you're incredibly interested in our
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  Speaker 3: dough bread or cleaning the junk drawer Or we call
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  Speaker 3: that a productive procrastination, right? Because I'm making bread for
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  Speaker 3: the family.
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  Speaker 1: It's great.
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  Speaker 3: Everybody loves it. And your junk drawer is clean now, right?
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  Speaker 3: But my taxes aren't. It feels productive because we're actually
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  Speaker 3: doing something. We're careful about what we're doing because we're
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  Speaker 3: not doing that one thing that we know we should
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  Speaker 3: be doing. So here's my first diamond life question for you.
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  Speaker 3: What am I actually avoiding? Not what do I need
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  Speaker 3: to do? Not to write one more thing down on
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  Speaker 3: our checklist. But we already know what we need to do.
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  Speaker 3: Ask myself, what do I need to feel or what
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  Speaker 3: do I feel when I think about doing that one thing?
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  Speaker 3: So for me, I need to complete my taxes. I'm
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  Speaker 3: almost done, but I need to complete my taxes. Why
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  Speaker 3: am I avoiding that? What do I feel when I'm
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  Speaker 3: thinking about that? Well, let me think about that. What
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  Speaker 3: do I feel is I know I'm going to owe.
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  Speaker 3: We all know I'm going to owe, like I owe
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  Speaker 3: every year. I never can get it just right. So
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  Speaker 3: that's one thing. The next thing is, going through all
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  Speaker 3: the expenditures that I've spent is kind of overwhelming at
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  Speaker 3: this point right now today. So what do I think
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  Speaker 3: I'm going to feel? I think I'm going to feel
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  Speaker 3: regret on how I've spent my money in certain areas.
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  Speaker 1: Okay.
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  Speaker 3: So then I'm, again, bringing up my own wound, which
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  Speaker 3: is not perfect, not good enough, right? So then that
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  Speaker 3: stops me from doing my taxes. Maybe that's the answer.
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  Speaker 3: Just overwhelmed, confused, embarrassed, afraid, bored. Maybe I'm just bored
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  Speaker 3: to do that laundry task or the closet. Maybe I
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  Speaker 3: feel inadequate to do my taxes. I'm not. But just saying,
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  Speaker 3: maybe the task that you have to do actually is
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  Speaker 3: going to make you angry. Because I know for me,
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  Speaker 3: I spent two hours the other day just on technology
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  Speaker 3: baloney and stupid fraud on my credit cards. That can
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  Speaker 3: make me very angry. That I did not procrastinate on.
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  Speaker 3: That was no problem jumping into it. But maybe it
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  Speaker 3: could actually make you sad to tackle that one task.
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  Speaker 3: So for me, going in the garage normally makes me
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  Speaker 3: sad because I have memories of my first kids there.
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  Speaker 3: And it does make me sad. And so I have
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  Speaker 3: to be prepared for that and grounded for that. Maybe
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  Speaker 3: we're just uncertain how we're going to feel when we
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  Speaker 3: have this task to do. Now you're actually getting somewhere.
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  Speaker 3: Because if the problem is overwhelm, a planner isn't necessary.
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  Speaker 3: That's not the answer. If the problem is fear... The
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  Speaker 3: filing cabinet is not going to fix your tax problem.
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  Speaker 3: If the problem is perfectionism like me, another to-do list
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  Speaker 3: is not the answer. It's just going to make me
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  Speaker 3: feel worse because I'm not going to do it. We
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  Speaker 3: need to coach the actual problem. So we have to
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  Speaker 3: find the problem first. So let's talk about overwhelm. Overwhelm
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  Speaker 3: has a funny way of making five things look like
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  Speaker 3: 50 things. You walk into a room and you see laundry, mail,
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  Speaker 3: a return you have to do, a stack of magazines,
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  Speaker 3: something that needs to go upstairs maybe. maybe a light
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  Speaker 3: bulb that needs to be changed. And then your brain
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  Speaker 3: doesn't just see six separate things. It sees everything. So
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  Speaker 3: we do nothing. Then doing nothing creates guilt. Guilt creates
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  Speaker 3: more overwhelm. And now the six things that we have
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  Speaker 3: an emotional way to attach to them, because now we
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  Speaker 3: have guilt and overwhelm. Here's the coaching tool. Stop asking,
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  Speaker 3: how do I get all of this done? Instead of
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  Speaker 3: looking at all of that and say, how do I
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  Speaker 3: get it all done? Let's ask What is the next
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  Speaker 3: right action to take? What's the next thing that I see?
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  Speaker 3: Not the whole project, just one next thing. Then just
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  Speaker 3: take that one next action. Get my finances organized is huge.
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  Speaker 3: Doing my taxes is huge. Put all unopened financial mail
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  Speaker 3: on the kitchen table. That's one thing I can do.
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  Speaker 3: So I can make piles of my tax bills easy.
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  Speaker 3: Clean my closet is huge. But I can say, I'm
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  Speaker 3: going to remove five things that I don't wear right now.
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  Speaker 1: Great.
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  Speaker 3: Or I can say, I'm going to put three pairs
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  Speaker 3: of shoes in a different place. Easy. Get my estate
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  Speaker 3: plan done. Well, that's huge. But let's say we're just
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  Speaker 3: going to find one attorney's phone number. That's one action.
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  Speaker 3: Your brain handles actions better than concepts. Your diamond life
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  Speaker 3: isn't created in giant transformations. It's often created through tiny
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  Speaker 3: decisions that you actually can complete. Now, diamond life, the
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  Speaker 3: way I, this is my term, diamond life, I want
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  Speaker 3: you to live your diamond life, which is joy as
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  Speaker 3: much as possible throughout every day of your life. We
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  Speaker 3: live in joy, love, peace, freedom. That's your diamond life.
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  Speaker 3: So however I can get you to live your diamond life,
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  Speaker 3: that's my goal. Now let's talk about perfectionism. Ding, ding, ding, ding.
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  Speaker 3: This one hides so beautifully, like me, inside me, totally.
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  Speaker 3: We think a perfectionist is highly organized people with alphabetized
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  Speaker 3: spice racks. Oh yeah, my spices are alphabetized, by the way.
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  Speaker 3: But this is not necessarily true. Perfectionism can create enormous procrastination.
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  Speaker 3: I still have a basket of laundry I did not
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  Speaker 3: put away over the weekend. Because if I believe something
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  Speaker 3: has to be done right, starting it becomes very dangerous.
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  Speaker 3: What if I do it wrong? What if I choose
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  Speaker 3: the wrong system? What if I organize everything and then
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  Speaker 3: it gets messy again, or I can't keep it up?
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  Speaker 3: What if my business idea isn't actually good enough? It's
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  Speaker 3: going to be a waste of time and a waste
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  Speaker 3: of money. What if I send the email and I
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: just don't word it perfectly? Well, we got chat GBT
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  Speaker 3: for that now, just saying. So we wait until we
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  Speaker 3: have enough time to actually research and detail. And we
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  Speaker 3: can spend hours and hours and hours on one thing.
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  Speaker 3: We want enough information. We want enough energy. We want
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  Speaker 3: the perfect system. We want the perfect email. It's got
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  Speaker 3: to be the perfect day to do this. Maybe after
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: vacation when things calm down. Okay. So when do things
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  Speaker 3: actually calm down? Like this just doesn't happen. We keep
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  Speaker 3: waiting for this mysterious week when nobody knows anything and
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  Speaker 3: the phone doesn't ring and nothing breaks and everyone behaves
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  Speaker 3: the way I want them to when they wake up
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: and they're all motivated and I wake up motivated. Apparently
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  Speaker 3: it's coming. I just haven't seen it yet. So here's
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  Speaker 3: your diamond life correction. Done can be more powerful than perfect.
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  Speaker 3: I'm done with it and be more powerful than I
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  Speaker 3: did it perfect. Now let's think about being done. Doesn't
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  Speaker 3: it feel good? Like that two hours I knocked out like,
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  Speaker 3: I don't even know, three or four or five things
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  Speaker 3: that I've been sitting forever. It took forever to do it,
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  Speaker 3: but it felt so good when I was done. I
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  Speaker 3: felt like I climbed a mountain or something. So I
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  Speaker 3: don't want my surgeon to say done is better than perfect.
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  Speaker 3: Of course not. But my junk drawer... That's totally fine.
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  Speaker 3: The email, just send it. First draft, just write it.
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  Speaker 1: Done.
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  Speaker 3: The closet, just do it. Just start on it. It's
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  Speaker 3: all good. Perfectionism asks, what's the best possible way to
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  Speaker 3: do this? But progress asks, what's good enough to move forward?
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  Speaker 3: That's the question that can leave you freedom. So let's
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: go deeper. Sometimes disorganization is a decision problem. Every object
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  Speaker 3: requires a decision. Keep this, donate this, throw this away.
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  Speaker 3: Where does this go? Where do I need it? Do
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  Speaker 3: I want it? What if somebody else is going to
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  Speaker 3: need it? Will I regret it if I throw it away?
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  Speaker 3: Every email asks questions like respond, delete, save, archive, keep
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  Speaker 3: it for later. Every invitation, yes, no, maybe. Every task, today, tomorrow, delegate, ignore.
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  Speaker 3: By the end of the day, your brain is exhausted.
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  Speaker 3: I don't know about you, but that's how I feel.
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  Speaker 3: So what do we do? I'll deal with it later.
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: I'll deal with it tomorrow, as Scarlett O'Hara would say,
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  Speaker 3: and later becomes a physical location in our home. It
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: becomes the chair. It becomes the treadmill. It becomes the
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: table over here to the right. It's not furniture anymore.
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  Speaker 3: It's actually stuff that we need to do. It's holding
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  Speaker 3: faculty for undecided objects. Oh my gosh, we laugh. But
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  Speaker 3: think about what that represents. Unmade decisions accumulate physically and mentally.
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  Speaker 3: I have stacks of paper over here for my filing, right?
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  Speaker 3: I have my laundry baskets full. That's physically. And every
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  Speaker 3: time I walk by it, I feel guilty and I
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  Speaker 3: beat myself up. So I'm not being empowered. I'm not
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: building my self-esteem. I'm not being who I truly am
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  Speaker 3: until I get these things done. Maybe not consciously perhaps,
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: but another loop is opened in my brain. Do this.
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  Speaker 3: Deal with this. Remember this. Don't forget this. I have
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: a bookcase. This bookcase right here, I have another one
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  Speaker 3: that I haven't put together to go on the other side.
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  Speaker 3: Put it together. Let's do it. But here's a deeper question.
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  Speaker 3: Where in my life have I confused postponing a decision
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  Speaker 3: with making a decision? Because I'll decide later feels really safe.
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  Speaker 3: But sometimes later is seven years later. Now let's talk
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  Speaker 3: about something even deeper than making a decision. Self-trust. What
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  Speaker 3: if part of your disorganization comes from not trusting yourself
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  Speaker 3: to make those decisions? You ask everybody else, what do
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  Speaker 3: they think? Should I keep this? Do I need this?
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  Speaker 3: Should I take this job? Should I buy this? Should
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: I say yes, right? Getting input is wonderful. And I
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: love input. I ask my soul sisters all the time
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: for input. But some women have spent so many years
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  Speaker 3: considering everybody else's needs before they're making their own decision.
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  Speaker 3: So they've weakened that decision-making muscle. What do you think?
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: So diamond life organization isn't just organizing your stuff. It's
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: organizing your priorities around what actually matters to you. Maybe
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: your calendar is chaotic because everything has an equal importance. Well,
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: everything isn't equally important, is it? Maybe your to-do list
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: has 31 items because you haven't decided which five actually matter.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: Maybe you're overwhelmed because you're treating every request as an obligation.
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: So every time someone asks you to do something, you
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: feel like you have to do it. You don't have
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: to do every single thing that everybody asks you. Someone
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  Speaker 3: asking doesn't automatically create responsibility on your part. That is
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: a powerful sentence. Someone asking you for something does not
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: automatically create a responsibility on your part. A request is
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: not an obligation. You are allowed to decide. And here's
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: another question. Am I disorganized or am I just overcommitted?
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  Speaker 3: Because no organizational system can fix a life with 37
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: hours of obligations packed into 24 hours a day. You
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: just can't do it. Sometimes the answer isn't organizing more.
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: It's actually doing less. Not laziness. It's actually clarity. So
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: your diamond life needs white space. Room to think. Breathe.
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  Speaker 3: Be spontaneous. Room to do nothing. If every inch of
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  Speaker 3: your calendar is occupied, your life may be beautifully scheduled
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  Speaker 3: and completely overwhelming. Now let's talk about shame. This is
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  Speaker 3: where I really want women to pay attention. Shame makes
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  Speaker 3: organization harder. You avoid the pile because you're embarrassed about
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  Speaker 3: the pile. The pile just grows, then you're more embarrassed.
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  Speaker 3: You don't open the financial statement because you're afraid of
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  Speaker 3: what it says. Another one comes, another one comes. Now
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  Speaker 3: you're just dealing with not just numbers, but you're dealing
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  Speaker 3: with the shame about avoiding the numbers. So I want
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: you to remove shame from the room. I should have
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: done this? No, I can't believe I let this get
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  Speaker 3: so bad. Why am I like this? No, no, no.
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  Speaker 3: We are going to say this instead. Okay, this is
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  Speaker 3: where I am. This is what's happening right now. What's next?
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  Speaker 3: What's one simple step that I can take moving forward?
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  Speaker 3: That's it. That's empowerment. Power doesn't require pretending the mess
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: didn't happen. Power says, here it is. I'm looking at
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  Speaker 3: it and I can make one decision from here. That's
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: how we rebuild our self-trust. Not through promises, not through evidence.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: But every small thing you do finishes and you finish it,
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: it tells your brain, what I say I'm going to do,
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  Speaker 3: I actually do. It tells yourself that you have integrity.
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  Speaker 3: That's why you make your bed every morning, ladies. Every morning,
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: make your bed. That is your path to wealth and
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: abundance and freedom. Making our bed every day, it's just
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: the beginning. We brush our teeth every day, right? I
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: hope you all do. All right, so here's some homework
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: for you. Find the feeling before you fix the mess.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: Choose one thing that you've been avoiding, not your whole
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: house and a whole life and all of your computer,
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: all of that. Just think of one thing. What specifically
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: am I avoiding? Then what feeling comes up when I
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: think about doing it? What am I afraid I might discover?
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: What decision have I been postponing? Is perfectionism making this
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: harder than it needs to be? Am I missing information
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: or am I just simply uncomfortable? What would good enough
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: look like? What is the smallest visible action that I
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: can take in 15 minutes? Now here's one even deeper.
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: What does staying disorganized allow me not to face? Boom, boom, boom. Okay,
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: write that down because that's here to protect you, y'all.
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: This is where our coaching comes in. This is where
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: the most powerful questions come in to actually help you
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: know where you're at. So now my good enough is
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: going to be, I'm going to get my taxes done
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: and maybe not file everything. But I'm just going to
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: get my taxes done, get it to my CPA and
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: feel really good about that. Now, I'm going to leave
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: my filing here for now until I think that I
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: am going to tackle that next. So I don't have
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: to do it all and complete it all. I'm just
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: going to do one thing at a time. Get the
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: numbers back to the CPA that she needs me to
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: get back to her. Does that make sense? I hope
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: you can all join me in taking just one next
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: step to live your joyous diamond life and to feel
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: the freedom, right? I hope you enjoyed this episode because
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: I want you all to be able to say, I rock.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: my finances.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: We appreciate you joining us today and don't forget to
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: subscribe to the Rock My Finances YouTube channel for more
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: engagement and bonus content. Tell me, what is your money story?
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: Let's find out with Jennifer right here on K4HD Radio
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: and Talk4TV. It's not about the zero. It's about the
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: F word, feelings. Feelings Jennifer can't wait to explore with
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: you next week. Until then, let's all say, I rock
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: my finances.