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Family Secrets Revealed · Black Girl Interrupted Podcast

0:43
Speaker 1: What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? Everybody? Y'all
0:46
Happy Tuesday, and welcome back to another episode of Black
0:51
Girl Interrupted. Y'all bear with me, Okay, there we go,
0:54
all right, all right, so it's good to see y'all.
0:56
Happy Tuesday. I have missed y'all. Last week was not
1:00
a good week, so I've really had to take some
1:02
time for me. So I'm back this week. But I
1:07
gotta some good topics that I want to discuss starting
1:11
this month. But anyway, but before I do anything, y'all know,
1:15
I always have to do my mental health check ins
1:18
because I gotta make sure my babies are straight. I
1:20
gotta make sure y'all are good. I gotta make sure
1:23
your mental is good. I gotta make sure your physical
1:25
is good, like your emotional, your spiritual like I gotta
1:29
do my mental health check ins. But again, y'all, welcome
1:32
back to another episode of Black Girl Interrupted. Of course,
1:35
y'all know, it's your girl Ash bringing y'all another hot,
1:38
juicey topic. But tonight this is this is It's not
1:42
gonna be a very very very long show, just the
1:44
introduction to what I'm gonna be discussing these next few weeks.
1:50
I will let you know it may be a little
1:52
triggering for some, but we are definitely getting into those
1:56
family secrets, like how many of us have them. So
2:02
that's how we're kicking off tonight, just an introduction, like
2:06
I say, to the excuse me, the conversation, the topics
2:10
for it's month, and like I said, I'm really getting
2:12
down into the meat and potatoes or things, because it's
2:15
really time for us to start having these conversations, especially
2:18
when it comes to black family secrets and molestation incests,
2:24
things that those natures. But it is imperative for us
2:28
to start pulling the band aids off so we can
2:31
start to heal. So but before we jump into tonight's conversation,
2:36
a casus, Hey, my baby, and I say one Sunday yay.
2:43
So let me address something very quickly before I do
2:46
my mental health check in. So let me say this.
2:51
I've been seeing a lot of people down here tussling
2:54
in these comments about this Super Bowl. I'm gonna address
2:57
this one time and one time only, gonna be done
3:00
with it. Let me say this. As much as I
3:05
love lo Wayne, and Lord knows I do, I have
3:08
been a fan since he was just a little bitty
3:11
love somebody with the high boys. Y'all are being y'all
3:16
are y'all are arguing, and y'all are mad at the
3:17
wrong people. The super Bowl has been playing in New
3:21
Orleans eleven twelve times. Twelve times, I want to say,
3:25
and now one time has anybody complained about who's performed
3:28
at the halftime show? Where is there a guy that
3:32
says you got in order to if you're from their hometown,
3:37
you have to be designated to play in a super Bowl.
3:41
I could go on and on and on and on
3:43
and on and on about that, but I'm gonna say
3:45
this instead of down here tussling in these comments. Let's
3:49
pray for the city. Let's pray for Louisiana. Let's pray
3:52
for Florida. Let's pray for everybody along the coast, because
3:55
Hearbura King Francine is on his way to make landfall.
3:58
That's what we need to be, folks. We need to
4:00
start sitting up prayers for everybody along the coats. I'm
4:03
praying for my people here in Texas, I'm paying praying
4:06
for my people in Louisiana, praying for my people in Florida. Mississippi,
4:10
everyone along the coats, So that's who I'm praying for.
4:14
I don't care who's performing at the super Bowl. I
4:17
don't care because I won't be there. Y'all around here
4:20
tussling and arguing and going on. And we just lost
4:23
James Earl Jones yesterday, and y'all still mad about the
4:26
who performing at the super Bowl. We lost the legend yesterday.
4:31
We got a hurricane coming, we got a debate going
4:34
on with Donald Trump and Kamala Harris right now, and
4:38
y'all are out here tussling about who gonna perform at
4:41
the super Bowl. Y'all need to find something else better
4:43
to do, Okay, And that's all I'm gonna say about
4:45
the super Bowl. I don't care who's performing, just as
4:49
long as we get a good halftime show. I don't
4:51
care who's playing in the super Bowl. Would I love
4:53
to see my team in the super Bowl. Absolutely, that's
4:56
what I would really love to see. I would love
4:58
to see the Saints in the Super Bowl play in
5:00
New Orleans. But y'all around here tussling, because Lol, Wayne
5:04
and y'all, I'm done with it. Y'all keep tussling, y'all,
5:08
keep fighting again, whatever it is that you do. And
5:11
I'm gonna keep living my life because guess what, them
5:13
celebrities don't know me. They not paying that one bill
5:16
in my house. Whoever makes it to the super Bowl,
5:18
I don't know that in people, and then people don't
5:20
know me. So and that's all I'm gonna say about that.
5:23
I just want to throw that out there real quick. Absolutely.
5:27
My associate was like, yay, absolutely, so everyone has tuned in.
5:31
Please send up prayers to everyone along the coast. Hurricane
5:35
Francine is due to make landfall. Is it tomorrow? I believe,
5:40
But let's pray. Let's pray for everyone that is in
5:42
the path of this hurricane, because we've already experienced enough devastation.
5:47
We don't want to experience anymore. So I send up
5:50
an abundance of love prayers to everyone on the coast,
5:55
Like I said, Florida, Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana, parts of Texas.
6:01
Let's pray that there's minimal damage. Let's pray that by
6:04
the time it makes Lampall it's not a category to hurricane.
6:07
Let's pray that it slows down and that they just
6:11
get some rent and it passes on. So my love,
6:13
my prayers to everyone on the coast absolutely black and
6:17
go to the super Bowl. I would love that if
6:20
we play the way that we play it on Monday,
6:23
weep very well. I mean on Sunday we could. We
6:27
just have to stay consistent, that's all. And yes, I'm
6:30
a diehard Saints fan and some of y'all don't like
6:31
to hear the truth, but I said what I said. Okay,
6:37
And no, Derek Carr is not damn so he's still
6:39
hot trash. So AnyWho yo she's talking about? Yes, okay,
6:45
all right, So before we jump in tonight into tonight's conversation,
6:49
y'all know I always have to do my mental health
6:51
check ins. Like I say, check in and shout out
6:54
to everyone. Let me say this to y'all, thank you
6:56
so much for taking care of your mental Thank you
6:58
so much for putting you, thank you so much for
7:02
setting boundaries. Thank you so much for dropping those liabilities
7:05
and recruiting your assets. So anyone, like I said, yesterday
7:09
was Monday, Mental Monday. Thank you to everyone that commented
7:12
on my post. I wanted you to check in. I
7:13
wanted to know how you're doing because I want you
7:15
to know that you are loved. I want you to
7:17
know that you are appreciated. I want you to know
7:19
that you are needed, you are wanted. We want you
7:22
here on this side with us. We don't want you
7:24
to suffer in silence. To my fellas, please know that
7:29
I'm always praying for your mental You do not have
7:31
to sit in the dark. Like I told my brother yesterday,
7:34
my dms are always open. If you just need me
7:37
to listen to you, please hit me up. I don't
7:40
want you to suffer alone. I don't want you to
7:42
feel like whatever it is that you're going through you
7:44
have to deal with it by yourself. I let me
7:47
be your support system. Let me be the ear, let
7:49
me be the shoulder. So this is why I do
7:53
these mental health check ins, because again, you don't know
7:55
what a person is going through. You see a person
7:58
that smiles all the time and is really hurting and
8:00
crying behind closed doors and we don't know. But to
8:04
my ladies, you're not by yourself. You guys know you
8:08
always have a safe space right here own. Black girl interrupted.
8:11
So if you are suffering, if you need an ear,
8:14
if you need me to help talk you down off
8:16
the ledge, hit me up. I want you to you're
8:19
not by yourself. Please, please, please don't feel that you
8:21
are regardless of what I'm going through. I promise I
8:24
will make time to just sit and listen to you.
8:27
If you need to cry, if whatever it is that
8:30
you need to do, hit me up. I promise you.
8:34
I love you. I pray for you, and I pray
8:37
that whatever storm that you're going through, I pray that
8:39
it soon comes the past. So yes, y'all, let me
8:42
jump in. Let me do my mental health check in
8:44
real quick, because I do want to jump into tonight's episode.
8:46
Like I said, it's not going to be long tonight,
8:49
it's just the introduction to what's to come with the
8:53
new episodes for a Black Girl Interrupted. So here we
8:56
go with our mental health check in. Drop in a comments, y'all,
8:58
Let me know how you're doing. Let me know what
9:00
can I do to help you. How can I push
9:03
you in the right direction. Do you need to be
9:05
guided some kind of way? Please let me know because
9:07
I don't want you to be alone. I promise, I
9:10
know what it's like. So here we go our mental
9:14
health check in, and then we're just gonna jump right
9:16
into tonight's conversation. So here we go.
9:19
Speaker 2: What is the common denominator of failure?
9:24
Speaker 1: My apologies, you'll wrong video. Here we go.
9:31
Speaker 2: Life will knock you between the odds.
9:34
Speaker 3: It will catch you on the blindsid come out of
9:36
nowhere stuff you can't anticipate.
9:40
Speaker 2: They will knock the win out of you. You want
9:42
to give up, It's going to be very challenging.
9:45
Speaker 3: Whenever you decide that you want to grow, whenever you
9:47
decide that you want to go to another level, all
9:50
hell will break loose.
9:53
Speaker 2: It's hard, it's not easy. It's hard changing your life.
10:00
And here's what I want to say to you.
10:02
Speaker 4: For those of you that have experienced some hardships, don't
10:05
give up on your dream.
10:09
Speaker 2: Now moments when you're going to doubt yourself.
10:13
Speaker 3: Their rough times are going to come, but they have
10:15
not come to stay.
10:16
Speaker 2: They have come to pass. We all go through problem.
10:21
They don't have to overwhelm you thought. Problems don't have
10:24
to take you out, though. Problems will have to make
10:27
your life miserable. Though your problem is you go back
10:30
and running your safety net. I can't do it help
10:33
and you're gonna.
10:34
Speaker 5: Be running to it for the rest of your life
10:36
until you get to a point where you look at
10:37
life and say you will not beat deep.
10:40
Speaker 4: It's easy to complain. It's easy to point out your circumstances.
10:45
It's easy to talk about what has happened to you.
10:48
It's easy to talk about your situation, what you're going through.
10:53
Speaker 2: But if you do what is easy, your life will
10:56
be hard. But if you do what it's hard, your
11:02
life will be easy. See, it's easy to be on
11:05
the bottom.
11:06
Speaker 3: It doesn't take any effort to be a loser, doesn't
11:09
take any motivation, any drive in order to stay down
11:13
there at a low level.
11:14
Speaker 2: But it calls on everything in you. Ladies and gentlemen.
11:17
Speaker 3: You have to honess your will to say, I'm going
11:21
to challenge myself. Sometimes I have to pull myself out
11:23
of thence and come off less things I know I
11:26
should do.
11:26
Speaker 2: I talk to things I shouldn't do I do. I
11:30
found that the biggest enemy you have to deal with
11:32
is yourselves.
11:34
Speaker 5: Your problem is some of you are phenomenally skilled, But
11:37
it is a phenomenal will that says, every time I
11:39
get knocked down, I will get back up and I
11:44
will succeed. I will not surrender. You have something great
11:51
in you. You can do it. Where you are is temporary.
11:54
You will not be there for the rest of your life.
11:57
Hit my last for a second, hit my last for
11:59
a minute, hit my last for an hour, in.
12:01
Speaker 2: My last for a week, in my last for a day,
12:04
in my last for months.
12:06
Speaker 5: But sooner or later. If you do not surrender, if
12:08
you do not give up, if you do not give in,
12:11
it will subside. You've got to say yes. Yes to
12:16
my dreams, Yes to me.
12:19
Speaker 2: I can make it. Yes I can.
12:22
Speaker 3: Doesn't matter how many failures I've made. Doesn't matter how
12:25
many mistakes I've endured, doesn't matter about my defeat, doesn't
12:30
matter about what I've done.
12:32
Speaker 2: I don't care about the fact I'm in.
12:33
Speaker 3: A hole now, doesn't matter about where I am. Yes, Yes,
12:39
the last chapter to my life has not.
12:41
Speaker 2: Been written yet.
12:42
Speaker 3: If you judge me now, you'll judge me prematurely.
12:46
Speaker 2: I haven't exposed all my stuff yet.
12:48
Speaker 3: I'm still in the process of transforming my life. I'm
12:51
still in the process of becoming.
12:54
Speaker 5: Yes, you are prayers, you are unique, you are special,
13:00
you are talented, and you deserve to have everything you want.
13:04
Speaker 6: And stop listening to the people who tell.
13:06
Speaker 2: You you don't kill.
13:07
Speaker 5: The noise what do they know?
13:10
Speaker 2: Who are they?
13:11
Speaker 7: And when that thing tells you to quit, you look
13:13
at it in his.
13:14
Speaker 2: Eye and say, I ain't going nowhere. I will break
13:16
you before you break me.
13:18
Speaker 7: You will not defeat me. You will not destroy me.
13:21
You've been through so much. Hell you gonna quit now?
13:25
You don't quit now. It's the tenth dour. You got
13:28
too more to go. And when you get to success,
13:30
it's not about skill.
13:31
Speaker 6: When you get to a certain level of success, it's
13:33
about standing up. It's about you won't ripe lee. You
13:37
can't take me. I'm far too long, I'm far too hard.
13:40
It's too late now. You should have broken me a
13:42
long time ago. I'm nothing breakable now.
14:11
Speaker 1: All right, all right, y'all. So again I'm doing my
14:14
mental health checking. Let me know how you're feeling. Again.
14:19
For those that are unfamiliar with Black Girl Interrupted, I
14:21
always do a mental health check in. I always have
14:24
to jump in. I always have to make sure and
14:26
check on my people. I need to make sure y'all
14:28
are good. I need my fellows to know that they're
14:30
not by themselves. I need my ladies to know that
14:33
you don't have to suffer alone, that you do have
14:35
a circle of people that, excuse me, that really, truly,
14:39
genuinely care about you. So please don't sit in the dark.
14:42
Please don't sit alone. Do not sit by yourself. Again,
14:46
there's a village of people out here that are willing
14:49
to just be the ear if you need to vent.
14:51
And I understand you want to feel safe with that person,
14:54
and I completely respect that. But once you find that
14:58
one person that you feel safe with, please again reach
15:02
out to them. Reach out. I have you know, the y'all,
15:06
my mind is blink right now, I'm drawing a blank.
15:10
I do have, excuse me, the Suicide Prevention Crisis Lifeline.
15:16
Let me move this out of the way, But there
15:19
is a phone number if you feel like if you
15:21
don't feel safe enough to speak with anybody else, please
15:24
call one eight hundred two seven three talk or one
15:27
eight hundred two seven three eight two five five. Again,
15:31
this is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, So of course I'm
15:35
gonna always continue to spotlight and bring awareness to mental
15:39
health because mental health is real. Your mental health, you're
15:44
is important. You know your mental health matters. So don't
15:48
feel like it doesn't don't feel like you're alone, don't
15:50
feel like you're by yourself, because baby, we want you here.
15:53
We want you here on this side of the of
15:55
the land of the living. So we have a come in.
15:58
Let's see. Hey brother, Hey Terry, he says, Hey, Sis.
16:03
Hope you and the family are will absolutely we are
16:05
staying safe. I'm praying for you. I hope you and
16:08
the family stay safe. As Hurricane fran Scene makes its
16:12
way down the coast again, I'm sending an abundance of
16:16
prayers to my loved ones, to family, friends, associates, everybody
16:22
that I know that is along the coast. I'm praying
16:24
that you guys stay safe. Reach out. If you can leave,
16:29
please leave. If you are not able to leave, please
16:32
stay or go. Try to get somewhere safe again. I
16:36
pray that fran Scene will slow down. I pray that
16:41
it causes minimal damage. Of course, you know, with rain
16:44
in the wind, but I'm praying for everyone. We want
16:48
no more casualties. So on that note, like I said,
16:53
y'all keep dropping in a comments. Let me know how
16:54
you're feeling. I love you. I want you to know
16:56
you're needed, you're wanted, you are appreciated. I think you're strong,
17:00
I think you're great. I think you're phenomenal. It doesn't
17:03
matter whatever it is that you're going through, You're gonna
17:05
make it through regardless of what you are going whatever
17:08
has happened yesterday. You can't change what happened yesterday. Just
17:11
focus on the day and worry about bigger things for tomorrow,
17:15
because you are blessed and you will wake up blessed
17:17
and you'll continue to be blessed. So keep believing that
17:20
and just take care of yourself. So my brother says, yes, man,
17:23
we are great, staying safe. Please keep me updated everyone
17:26
that is on the coast, y'all. Let me let me
17:29
know y'all check in, make a check in post, let
17:31
me know y'all are good. So yes, yes, yes, hurricanes
17:37
are never fun, but for some nature, and that's a
17:43
whole nother conversation. I'm not gonna run down that rabbit
17:45
hole tonight, But any who, pressing on and moving forward.
17:49
So tonight's introduction is about family secrets. How many of
17:55
us have them? H So let me say this. When
18:03
I sat down to really focus on what conversations I
18:09
wanted to start having on Black Girl Interrupted, I told
18:12
y'all I was about to dig deep some of the
18:17
conversations or let me say this, some of the topics
18:20
that will be had within my segment of family secrets
18:26
may be very triggering. I'm tapping into incest, I am
18:31
tapping into molestation. Hmm. Let me take a deep breath
18:40
because this could be very triggering for some. But I
18:45
told y'all, I was digging deep, and I told y'all,
18:49
I was snatching the band aids off because these are
18:53
conversations that we need to start having amongst ourselves. Black
18:59
family love holding secrets that have become very detrimental to
19:11
the Black community. These secrets have prolonged healing amongst the victims.
19:25
Let me take a deep breath, because, like I said,
19:28
the tops that I'm jumping into could be very triggering
19:33
to some and healing to most and freedom for others.
19:44
Family secrets are something that Black families are all too
19:48
familiar with the kind of secrets that are so painful
19:52
and those that people often feel shame about. They would
19:55
rather go to their graves than risk someone finding out
19:58
about them. And we see this far too often. We
20:03
see families torn apart by secrets. We've seen people are
20:14
alive due to family secrets. It's time for us to
20:20
pull the rug back, and it's time to sweep up
20:24
under those rugs. It's time to sweep the dirt from
20:26
up under those rugs. In other words, it's time for healing.
20:30
It's time for us to let the pain go so
20:33
we could really truly be in our divine selves. It
20:36
is really truly time for us to heal, to genuinely
20:39
know what happiness looks and feels like. So again, family secrets,
20:46
how many of us have them? Again, secrets are something
20:51
that black families are all too familiar with, And I'm
20:54
talking about the kind of secrets that are so painful
20:56
and those that people often feel shame about. They would
21:01
rather go to the grave than risk someone finding out
21:05
about them. There are gonna be a lot of secrets
21:14
revealed that some people may or may not like. But
21:21
this is my freedom. It's time for us to relinquish
21:27
our selves from these prisons that we've created for ourselves.
21:33
And it starts with having conversations such as this. You know,
21:39
everybody runs from these conversations for fear. They don't want
21:49
to expose this faside that they've carried all these years.
21:56
Because everyone is thought, oh, this is such the perfect family.
21:59
Oh you got the mom and the dad and their
22:02
three beautiful children, when all the while the daddy been
22:05
messing with the children. But y'all not ready to have
22:09
these conversations. I understand to a certain degree. But at
22:15
what time, What time do we start being ready to heal?
22:19
What time? When is the time for us to relinquish
22:23
ourselves from these prisons? When is it time for us
22:25
to release ourselves from these handcuffs. So yeah, some of
22:33
these conversations that we're gonna have may be uncomfortable for some.
22:40
It may be a point where y'all don't want to
22:42
expose these secrets. But it's time. It's time. So Terry
22:50
says much love says glad. Y'all are well and safe.
22:52
Absolutely absolutely, thank you brother for thinking about me. And again,
22:57
keep me updated. Everybody that's on the coast or that
23:00
is in the path of Hurricane franccene, y'all keep me updated,
23:04
y'all check in, let us know y'all are good. So,
23:10
as I go into speaking about the dangers of black
23:14
family secrets, the dangers and the things that it does,
23:21
so I found a statement that says, one of the
23:23
most toxic problems confronting many families is the existence of
23:28
secrets that prevent open communication and ultimately lead to serious
23:32
health and mental health problems for family members. This is
23:37
what these secrets do. And then you wonder why you're
23:43
dealing with depression. You're wondering why you're dealing with your
23:46
anxiety because of the trauma, the traumatic events that you've
23:50
encountered that your family has told you don't see anything
23:55
for fear they don't want to expose that person or
23:59
the people that are causing the pain amongst the family members.
24:04
We need to stop that. We need to stop that.
24:10
So again we're talking tonight about family secrets. How many
24:15
of us have them? That's tonight's conversation. And again I
24:20
will be jumping into some triggering conversations, but it's not
24:25
to trigger or provoke, but to encourage healing, encourage you
24:31
to let go of that pain, of that trauma that
24:34
has held you back all these years. So here we go.
24:39
Here's some information that I did find with regards to
24:44
these black secrets and why do we hold on to them.
24:53
Speaker 8: He talked to us a little bit about the black
24:56
families to keep secrets.
24:57
Speaker 2: Oh, with the issue.
25:02
Speaker 9: I think black families keep secrets. I a keeping secrets
25:07
is a part of our historical experience in this culture
25:11
when y you didn't tell people what was going on
25:14
because you never know when they would report it to
25:18
the overseer, to the slave master, and you could really
25:21
get in a lot of trouble. And I think it's
25:23
just kind of a cellular memory within us that you
25:27
just don't tell because it puts you in danger.
25:29
Speaker 1: Why does that serve us today? Does it still protect
25:31
us in some way?
25:32
Speaker 9: Doesn't serve us at all today. But until we learn
25:35
a new way of being, and until we learn that
25:38
we really can speak about who we are and how
25:41
we feel and what's going on, we will just continue
25:45
to perpetuate the behavior that's familiar human beings, regardless of race,
25:50
or or or origin or you know, economic status. Human
25:55
beings do what's familiar. It becomes habitual and and so
26:00
it doesn't serve us. But we gotta learn a new
26:02
habit is that is that it's.
26:03
Speaker 8: The same type of thing with black men being anti
26:07
or hesitant to seek therapy or to seek help for
26:09
the issues in their lives.
26:10
Speaker 9: Well, black men again, I believe this is just life.
26:14
According to Ayam la pay me no mind. Black men,
26:18
I believe have a cellular memory of hiding their pain.
26:22
You you, you know, you couldn't be smart, you couldn't
26:26
be honest, you couldn't be strong, you couldn't be powerful
26:31
and so, and then to admit that you weren't those
26:33
things also put you in jeopardy. So I think many
26:37
men today of color, UH African American men, Caribbean American men,
26:42
Native American men, they just don't have the m imprint
26:47
and the cellular memory of what it's like to say
26:50
help me, I need help.
26:52
Speaker 8: So I watched the Tarall Lewan's episode and I was
26:55
just I was floored by it.
26:57
Speaker 1: There was so much going on.
26:58
Speaker 8: What do you think allowed both him and his father
27:01
to be so open.
27:03
Speaker 9: All Ah in the terot Owens episode. Initially his father
27:07
was not open. His father said he did not want
27:10
to participate. However, he lived directly across the street from
27:15
the house that Terrell was born in, and I was
27:18
not gonna allow Teroll to be dishonored in that way
27:22
that he came back out of his life to come
27:24
home to heal, and his father's gonna sit on the
27:27
porch and watch it and not participate, y ca. I
27:30
just helped him. I just provided him with an opportunity
27:33
to support his son. And uh. And I think Terrell,
27:38
the pain he was experiencing was greater than his fear
27:42
of being exposed.
27:44
Speaker 1: And the same for the fathers.
27:47
Speaker 9: You know, I the father is old school. He's just
27:51
a old schoolman out of Alabama. Never would have even
27:54
dawned on him to speak out in the world and
27:58
say I had an affair that produced the sun and
28:02
I need to claim my son never dawned on it.
28:05
And the n women in that family community story who
28:12
were in a collusion of silence to protect the man
28:18
and in the process damage the child who happened to
28:22
be terror Wow.
28:23
Speaker 8: Okay, so gets shifting a little bit M to like
28:28
a more personal question. Do you ever take Do you
28:31
ever find that you take the people you work with
28:34
their problems, homework?
28:35
Speaker 2: No?
28:35
Speaker 9: No, no, no. I never take 'em home. I never
28:38
take 'em home because most of what I see I've
28:44
already healed. Uh, because it's only one of three things.
28:49
Somebody's not feeling loved. I've heal that somebody's not feeling
28:54
heard or seen M and they're acting out. I've healed
28:58
that and somebody hasn't forgiven. I do that every day. Forgiveness.
29:04
Every day, I forgive me, I forgive you. I forgive that,
29:08
you know, the people that cut me off on the Beltway.
29:12
Forgiveness is my daily minimum requirement. You know, my initials
29:16
are ivy, like you know, intravenous, and that's forgiveness is
29:21
my daily ivy.
29:36
Speaker 1: Oh thank God for that beautiful word from Eleana van Zan.
29:40
I love her so yes. So when it comes to
29:43
these Black family secrets, again, that's one of the most
29:48
toxic problems confronting many families is the existence of secrets
29:53
and that what that does that prevents open communication and
29:56
ultimately does lead to serious health and mental health problems
29:59
for family members. I can only speak for me, you know,
30:05
finding out certain things about my father, you know, while
30:10
he was still here, and then even hearing about things
30:13
after he passed away. I do say a lot of
30:17
that had to do with my mental health, you know,
30:22
because when you find out things about a loved one,
30:26
that changes your perspective of that person. You know, you
30:29
may still love that person, but you're looking at them
30:32
totally different. And so again this is why I stress
30:38
the fact that it is imperative that we start addressing
30:41
these family secrets. You know, you look at this statement
30:45
right here. Although the secret may feel like a form
30:47
of protection, but ultimately the anxiety, the fear, the shame,
30:51
the regret, and the guilt will start to take a
30:54
toll on your body in your mind, and it will
30:57
you know, I was talking to one of my really, really,
30:59
really cool friends and we spoke on her situation, you know,
31:05
with her father was active in her life, but because
31:08
things didn't work with the mom and the dad, mom
31:11
pushed dad out of the way. So dad left, you know,
31:15
and mom got a new boyfriend who she eventually married,
31:20
and he started violating my friend. And when she spoke
31:23
out about it, her mom was like, you're lying. You
31:26
better go and tell nobody else. So it was like
31:29
when she reached out to tell her dad, and when
31:32
dad confronted her mother about it, her mom shut it
31:35
down and said, oh, you're lot, she's lying, or you
31:37
should see the way she dresses over here. So it's like,
31:40
you knew this man was violating your child but said nothing.
31:45
And this is what I mean about these secrets. You know,
31:50
holding onto these secrets, it causes issues down the road
31:56
mental issues, physical issues, emotional issues. It could cause trust
32:00
issues because depending on who you're violated by, you can
32:04
lose trust in men and women. I look at the
32:07
r Kelly case. Everyone forgot about the two men that
32:12
testified against r Kelly. What about them? And they held
32:17
on to this secret. So when you look at how
32:24
secrets come, they come in many forms, such as trauma,
32:29
unhealthy behavior, or even negative beliefs about one's oneself. You
32:38
have women out here, excuse me, that don't like the
32:43
way that they look because they were told they were ugly,
32:49
they were fat. Nobody's gonna want them but you. But
32:52
but you know me as a I'm gonna I'm the
32:54
only one that wants you. Nobody's gonna want you. It's
32:59
a manipulation at it fineness. And then when you confront
33:03
a person then they try to flip it on you.
33:06
That's gaslighting. You don't get a chance to invalidate my feelings.
33:10
You don't get a chance to tell me how I'm
33:13
supposed to feel. So this is the issue with secrets,
33:20
unhealthy behavior. I hosted a panel a couple of years
33:25
ago where I just spoke to men about sexual abuse
33:31
and these men became hyper sexual. That's an unhealthy behavior
33:37
and that's what comes with trauma. Unfortunate events that happen.
33:42
Traumatic events will cause you to have negative beliefs. They'll
33:45
cause you to participate in unhealthy behavior, whether it's drinking,
33:49
whether it's smoking, because you're trying to forget the pain.
33:53
You're trying to numb the pain, if even for a moment.
33:56
But now we need to start addressing that. We need
33:58
to stop trying to mask pain and address it and
34:01
ticket and attack it head on. But that's what I
34:06
mean about these Again, I'm gonna say this again. These
34:08
family secrets are detrimental to the Black community. So again,
34:15
those secrets come out in many forms trauma. You see
34:20
a lot of broken homes. You see a lot of
34:22
women that have multiple baby daddies, or you have men
34:25
that have multiple baby mamas. Excuse me. You have men
34:29
that are battling their sexuality because they were violated as
34:33
a child. They were told that I'm gonna make you
34:37
feel good. You have women that are struggling with their sexuality.
34:43
You have women that become very promiscuous. You have men
34:46
that become very promiscuous. This is what happens with these
34:52
family secrets. This causes broken homes. This causes the disconnect
34:56
amongst family members because you have one family member who's
34:59
still trying to protect the monster in the house. Instead
35:05
of protecting the victim, they choose to protect the monster.
35:11
You have the grandfather who has a whole nother family
35:14
on the other side of town, and you don't find
35:16
about the find out about the other family until the
35:19
grandfather dies, and then these secrets come out. But all
35:24
the while Mama knew about this other family. Mama was
35:28
raising those kids. Those very same kids that you thought
35:31
were just the neighborhood kids were really your brother and sister,
35:33
were really your cousin because your pau Paul had children
35:38
with the woman that lived two streets away. But your
35:40
grandmother knew about it and never said a word. This
35:44
is what happens when you withhold secrets. You find out
35:49
later on down the road that you're dating a cousin,
35:51
you're dating a brother, you're dating a sister. The secrets
35:57
right here. When are we going to start pulling these
36:03
rugs back and sweeping the dirt from up underneath them,
36:07
When are we going to start encouraging healing When are
36:10
we going to start promoting healing? When are we going
36:12
to start promoting healthy relationships, healthy environments? When are we
36:17
going to start showing people what love really truly looks
36:19
and feels like and not have to put on a
36:22
facade every day. The only way that's going to happen,
36:27
ladies and gentlemen, is we have to address these secrets.
36:34
We have to pull the wall over. We have to
36:36
pull the wall off of our eyes and start addressing
36:40
and stop protecting. When are we going to protect the victims?
36:43
When are we going to stop and listen to the
36:45
victims and stop victims shaming? That's what I want to know,
36:52
because the victims are rarely protected, and it's in the
36:59
protect she should come from your loved ones, mom's dads.
37:04
We need to be protecting our children instead of protecting
37:09
the monsters. We see this in Black Households. You see
37:17
the fourteen year old child that ended up pregnant, who
37:20
was sent up north to have her baby, and then
37:24
come back after she has the baby, only for the
37:28
child to come and find the mother, only to find
37:30
out that the mother and the baby share the same father.
37:35
These are conversations and I'm getting emotional just even speaking
37:41
to it right now, because this is what we see.
37:44
These are these secrets that mom has been lying to
37:48
her child about who her daddy really truly is. When
37:51
all the while your father has lived across the street,
37:53
or he's lived down the street, or he's lived around
37:55
the corner. Look at Rare Owen's, for example, his father
37:58
lived across the street and mother and grandmother knew and
38:02
never said a word. This is what I mean when
38:07
I say these secrets, It's time for them to be revealed.
38:13
It's time for us to start having these conversations. Yes,
38:19
they're triggering, very triggering. But in order to promote healing,
38:27
you gotta pull the scabbow, you gotta uncover it, you
38:31
gotta pull the rug back. You gotta pull that suitcase
38:35
out of the closet. Y'all know the suitcase I'm talking about,
38:38
and I spoke about this a couple of weeks ago.
38:41
That suitcase, that ugly when the one has that we
38:43
pushed way back to the bottom, to the back of
38:46
the of the closet because we're not ready to address that.
38:49
That's that suitcase with those dirty clothes that you have
38:53
mixed in with the clean clothes, so now you don't
38:55
know what's cleaning. Now you don't know what's dirty. So
38:59
that that's what it's time for. That's what I'm inciting,
39:03
and I'm promoting healing. I want us to relinquish ourselves.
39:10
Let's free ourselves from these chains, this prison that we've
39:14
created because you know what, withholding those secrets and not
39:18
being open and able to discuss it, this is what happens.
39:23
It keeps you from healing and forgiving, and forgiving is
39:28
what you have to do for you. You have to
39:31
you have to take your power back, and the only
39:35
way to do that is you have to heal and forgive.
39:38
You have to forgive the person that hurts you. You
39:40
have to forgive the person that wronged you. Forgiving promotes healing,
39:49
and we need to heal. I know it's scary because
39:54
we only know what pain looks like. We're comfortable with
39:56
the pain because it's familiar, so I get it. It's scary.
40:01
Healing is scary, and it's not overnight. Forgiven it's scary.
40:05
Forgiving is not overnight. And I know it makes you
40:07
feel some kind of way because you're like, why am
40:09
I supposed to forgive? And they're the person that hurt
40:12
me because if you don't forgive, they still hold the
40:14
power over you. And we got to take our power
40:18
back because we want to live life vicariously. We want
40:25
not vicariously. I'm so sorry. We want to live life free,
40:29
away from the hurt, away from the pain. That's how
40:32
we want to live. That's what we gotta do. But again,
40:39
it starts right here on Black Girl interrupt the podcast
40:43
by having these conversations. This is what it's about. So
40:51
I want to know. Here's the question. Why are we
40:56
so adamant about what happens in this house, this house?
41:02
Why is that like the model in black families, you
41:06
better tell nobody what goes on in this house. What
41:08
happens in this house stays in this house. Why why
41:17
why keep putting on a facade, Why keep pretending that
41:22
we're this well to do family, that we're well put together,
41:25
that we have no problems, when really, your dad is
41:29
beating on your mom, and your dad sneaks in and
41:31
out of his daughter's bedroom every night, and mom is
41:38
protecting him because mom is no mom knows, and mom
41:43
doesn't want to break up her happy home because dad
41:47
is the breadwinner. Mom is a stay at home mom.
41:52
She cooks and cleans while dad goes to work. And mom,
41:58
you sit around and you watch your child be violated
42:01
and you'll say nothing. Let's talk about the family members
42:10
excuse me that stand by and say nothing. Also, I
42:16
look at Kirk Franklin's story. When Kirk Franklin found out
42:22
his father was really truly his biological father, was really
42:25
truly alive, and even to this day, his mom still
42:29
denies that that's his father. All the while, you have
42:34
your child believing that this man is his dad when
42:38
that's really not.
42:41
Speaker 5: So.
42:41
Speaker 1: Again, why are we so adamant about what happens in
42:46
this house stays in this house? Why? Again that goes
42:51
back to my previous question. Why are we not protecting
42:54
the victims? Why are we not believing the victims? Why
43:01
are we protecting the monster? Why are we protecting the
43:04
person that has wronged one person or multiple people? Because
43:14
people don't want to pull the thread that's coming loose
43:17
at the seams, we need to start talking about it.
43:25
More safe spaces need to be created, because it's time
43:33
for us to be free. But again that what happens
43:40
in the house stays in this house. Y'all are trying
43:42
to put y'all up a facade because you want people
43:46
to think, oh, my goodness, look at them. They just
43:48
look so happy, just such a beautiful family, but not
43:52
knowing the wife could be getting abused, that the father
43:58
could be violating the daughter. Mom could be violating a son.
44:01
You may have an uncle that's violating the cousins and
44:04
grandma protects him or heard. Again, we're breaking free from
44:14
these chains. Again, we're freeing ourselves from this geil that
44:19
we've created. Y'all drop in the comments, so let me
44:24
know why are we so adamant about what happens in
44:26
this house stays in this house? Why why? I would
44:35
love to hear some responses, you know, just let me know.
44:38
Why do y'all feel like it's okay for us to
44:42
keep using what happens in this house stays in this house.
44:51
I think that's a model we need to get rid of,
44:55
because that's fake. We're being phony, pretending to be something
45:00
we're really truly not. Because y'all want to protect the
45:06
family name. That's why we're so adamant about what happens
45:11
in this house stays in this house. Because again, we're
45:14
trying to protect the monster. We're trying to protect the
45:17
person that's violating, because again, you want to protect the
45:22
family name, You want to protect this person, you want
45:26
to do this shit, want to do that, But what
45:28
about the person that's being hurt? Why are we again,
45:32
Why are we not protecting the victim? Why are we
45:36
consistently protecting these animals. It's time for us to be free.
45:43
We're breaking free. That's what we're doing. We're taking our
45:47
power back. We're no longer allowing these monsters to hold
45:51
power over us. We're not doing that anymore. We're breaking free.
45:55
We're going to live life. We're gonna be happy because
45:59
tomorrow's not promise. Stay anybody, so free yourself. Stop worrying
46:05
about what this person is gonna think, Stop worrying about
46:08
what this family member is gonna say, Stop worrying about
46:11
Cut them off if they don't support your decision to
46:15
expose whatever's going on in the house, to expose those
46:18
family secrets, to address those family secrets. Cut them off
46:23
because they don't mean you're no good. Because anybody that
46:26
wants to see you grow and heal will encourage you.
46:30
Just sit down and have that conversation and to address
46:33
those issues. But anybody that doesn't support your healing, to
46:41
your journey to healing, cut them off, cut them off,
46:45
because that could be even more detrimental excuse me, to
46:49
your mental health. So we've got to heal these traumas.
46:53
We've got to fix these traumas, we've got to address them.
46:56
We have to again, like I say, we have to
46:58
pull the rug back, have to sweep the dust from
47:01
up under the up from up under the rug. It's
47:04
time for us to have these types of conversations. I know, again,
47:08
like I said, it could be triggering, but guess what,
47:11
I'm not here to trigger. I'm here to promote and
47:12
encourage healing. I'm encouraging go to therapy. I'm encouraging help
47:22
to get that burden off your shoulders, for you to
47:26
be the change in the family. Cut it off at
47:29
your generation, promote the healing because you don't want this
47:34
to continue. You don't want this cycle to go on
47:36
and on and on and on and on. So yeah,
47:41
so we need to stop the what happens in this
47:43
house stays in this house. Because you're trying to protect
47:46
the love one, or you're you're trying to protect the
47:48
image that you guys are really not living. So I
47:55
guess the million dollar question is what can we or
47:59
how can we rewrite the narrative. I can honestly say,
48:09
like we're doing right now, like we're sitting right here
48:13
having this conversation, that's how we can rewrite the narrative.
48:19
We need to create bigger safe spaces. We need to
48:22
have spaces where people come in and feel comfortable and
48:25
don't have to worry about repercussions or the backlash. Because
48:31
I want you guys to be free. I want us
48:36
to change the narrative. I want us to create safe
48:41
spaces for our children and the children and generations behind
48:44
us to come where they're able to sit down and
48:48
they're able to speak on traumatic events or things that
48:53
are going on in their household that they may not
48:56
feel comfortable with speaking about with someone in their household.
49:00
And we need to start taking the victims seriously. That's
49:05
what we need to do again. This month. We are
49:09
ripping the band aids off. This month. We're jumping into
49:12
those conversations that could be very triggering into some freeing
49:17
for others and liberating for most to know that you
49:24
have a space where you could come in and you
49:25
could speak about your trauma with no judgment. It's absolutely
49:32
warranted and absolutely needed. So y'all, I'm gonna bring this
49:39
to a close because, like I said, tonight was not
49:41
gonna be a very long episode. But tomorrow night we're
49:48
jumping into moless station. Trigger warning for some for all
50:00
when I tell you it is absolutely about to get
50:04
as real as it could get on Black Girl Interrupted.
50:08
I've dove into some deep conversations, but these it's gonna
50:13
be even deeper. Again, It's gonna be a warranted and
50:18
needed and therapeutic conversation because again, molestation incests, it's family secrets.
50:33
We have to pull the band aids off. We have
50:35
to address them. We have to promote an encourage healing,
50:43
because how will we be better as a people if we're
50:46
not healed. Do we want to keep walking around here
50:50
like victims? Absolutely not. Do we want our power back?
50:54
Absolutely we do. Again, these conversations that are I'm gonna
51:00
be bringing y'all these next few weeks. It's getting real
51:04
around him. So those are the that is the upcoming
51:08
episode again. Black Girl Interrupted now streams live every Tuesday
51:13
and every Thursday. At eight thirty pm Central time, nine
51:16
thirty Eastern time. I do apologize for having to reschedule
51:21
the episodes for last week, but I really truly don't
51:25
know where my mind was trying to get this football
51:27
schedule together and trying to get my baby's band performances,
51:31
and then having to squeeze in my broadcast episodes. So
51:34
y'all please forgive me. Charge it to my mind and
51:36
not to my heart, because y'all know I love y'all.
51:39
But again, Black Girl, and this is just until after February.
51:43
So Black Girl Interrupted again will be streaming live every Tuesday,
51:47
every Wednesday to face live to Facebook as well as
51:50
to YouTube. Please tap in what black Girl Interrupted you
51:54
could catch black Girl Interrupted streaming on all streaming platforms.
51:58
Excuse me, I was about to say something else and
52:03
I really just lost my train of thought. But yes
52:06
again tomorrow night, streaming live to Facebook as well as
52:09
YouTube eight thirty pm Central time now thirty Eastern time,
52:13
I will be speaking about molest station again. I will
52:18
have the trigger warnings m and want y'all to know
52:27
that you're safe, you're protected, and you are loved over
52:33
here on Black Girl Interrupted podcast. So I'm not gonna
52:37
hold you all up any longer. I do want to
52:40
say I love you guys. Happy Tuesday. Tomorrow is Wednesday,
52:44
Wellness Wednesday. Again. I'm switching up the format a little
52:50
bit because again I want to start doing like talk
52:52
to Me Thursdays, where we just talk about excuse me,
52:57
in and everything, whether it's life events, whether it's what's
53:00
going on in the world, whatever you've been seeing on
53:02
social media. I'm gonna start doing that once a month,
53:05
and then again once a month. I will be doing
53:07
my wellness Wednesdays again, where I just where we just
53:11
check in, where we just you know, check on your wellness,
53:14
how are you feeling mentally, emotionally, spiritually, similar to how
53:18
I do my mental health check ins, but to another
53:23
extent where we're just really fully heads on and we're
53:27
just discussing your wellness, whether I'm breathing into you, whether
53:30
I'm speaking into you, whatever it is that you want
53:33
to call it, but encouraging, empowering, uplifting. We will do
53:38
that once a month as well. So I do appreciate
53:42
y'all checking in with your girl tonight. It was absolutely appreciated.
53:46
Thank you so much for the love thank y'all so
53:48
much for always supporting Black Girl Interrupted, excuse me and
53:56
just being with me along my journey and the upstir downs,
53:59
the h the loads. So on that note, I just
54:03
want to say I love you guys again. I will
54:05
see y'all Wednesday, same time, eight thirty pm Central time,
54:10
nine thirty Eastern time again. You can catch up with
54:12
all live episodes again on Facebook as well as YouTube,
54:17
or you can catch me on all streaming platforms Google, Spotify, Apple.
54:22
Just type in black Girl Interrupted and it'll take you
54:24
where you need to be. So on that note, I
54:26
just want to say I love you guys. Happy Tuesday.
54:29
I hope everyone had a beautiful day, and I will
54:31
see y'all tomorrow night again, same time, same place. I
54:34
love
55:00
Speaker 2: Two