Latest / Reclaiming Consciousness / “I Don’t Want His Opinion, I Just Want His Blessing” — Live Session with Hilary Valentine

Transcript

“I Don’t Want His Opinion, I Just Want His Blessing” — Live Session with Hilary Valentine · Reclaiming Consciousness

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think a lot of people can relate to this.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're about to make what you view as a big decision, and you just want to bounce it off of your partner.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: And it's usually that scenario.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay, I'm about to do this thing and I want to bounce it off him, but I don't really want his opinion.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: I just want his blessing.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reclaiming Consciousness.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Elise Bassine, trauma and breath work expert and creator of the Metamorphosis Method, the only methodology bridging the gap between spiritual healing and clinical trauma work.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: For many years, our consciousness has been hijacked by societal and cultural programming, religion, the media, and familial and ancestral trauma.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: In this podcast, you'll discover my unique perspective on trauma healing and how it is the gateway to fully reclaiming your consciousness.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: You'll hear stories and teachings that expand your mind as you discover how every relationship challenge, business block, or limiting pattern is an invitation to reclaim the parts of your consciousness you unknowingly gave away.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Get ready to go deep.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's dive in.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Hi everyone.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the show.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so happy that I'm back.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just coming off of being sick, so I apologize if my voice isn't 100%.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm so excited for this somewhat of a relaunch of the show after taking a three-month break.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: It was much needed.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm so excited to come back with a new structure for the show that I'm so excited about.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: The show is now going to be twice a month.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the episodes is going to be a client session on the show, which I've been wanting to do for a long time, but I kind of needed to take a step back and figure out how I wanted to do it because I wanted to make sure that everyone who comes on and does a client session feels comfortable sharing what they share.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: But also we keep the integrity of the work and go really deep as I do in sessions.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought these episodes would be so helpful for everybody because A, you will all be able to relate to the content in the client session.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And also you'll really get to see what it is that I do with my clients.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you're newer to me or you've been listening to the podcast for a while and you have been learning about my work, but you're just like, well, what exactly is this?
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it really gives you an insight into how I operate and what it is I do when you bring your problem or challenge to me.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: So today I am really excited to share this episode with you.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: The client session that I have for you today is with a former client, Hillary.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Hillary worked with me for about a year.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: You can actually go back and listen to an episode we did right after she was finished working with me.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: It was exactly a year ago, actually.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I have not worked with Hillary for a year.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I really want to make the client sessions on the show with clients that either worked with me in the past or just started working with me or don't work with me at all.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying not to make them clients that I've been working with for a while because it won't be as easy for you to understand exactly what I do because usually with the clients I've been with for a while, I'm so in it with them.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: I know everything about them and I kind of have already connected the dots.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: So it won't be as interesting to listen to.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Hillary, we hadn't talked for a year, and I asked her if she would be the first client session.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I really love this episode because she brought up a topic that I think a lot of people can relate to.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: It was around her daughter.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And even if you're not a mom, I'm sure you will be able to relate to this episode in some way.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I love this too because while we were able to immediately relate the issues she was having back to her childhood, you know, we didn't go super deep into the stuff that happened in her childhood.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want to know more about that, you can listen to the previous episode from a year ago.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: The new structure for the show, like I said, I'm going to be doing one client session per month.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then the other episode of the month is going to be a guest expert.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm really highly curating these guests that are going to be people that I think are super interesting, who are thought leaders, uh, change makers, people who I think are doing really cool stuff and innovating in the world.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm really kind of like raising the bar.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Not that I didn't have amazing guests before, but I'm really highly curating these guests that I'm bringing on the show.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the one that I have for you on the next episode in two weeks, I'm not going to say who it is, but I'm really excited to have this person on the show.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it was a really great conversation.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that is everything.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, as far as the client session episodes, if you are interested in doing one of the client sessions with me, please reach out and we can chat about it.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited that the podcast is back.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are excited the podcast is back and you've gotten a lot out of listening, don't forget to rate and review the show on Apple and uh send me a screenshot and you will receive a$250 discount on joining anything new in my world.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm so excited to be back.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't wait to hear what you think about the episode.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Please uh send me an email, send me a DM.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: I can't wait to hear what your thoughts are about it.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And without further ado, here is the client session with Hillary.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, everyone, welcome back to the show.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is the debut of the new concept of what we're gonna be doing on the show, which I have been planning for a long time and now we're finally doing it.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're going to be doing an actual client session, and I'm gonna introduce you to who is going to be the client.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: I've been wanting to do this for a long time to, you know, just kind of illustrate how we kind of get to what is the core wound, like what is the underlying issue and how we can shift it.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: And Hillary has been wonderful enough to agree to be the first one to do this.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: And Hilary, just to give you a little context, she worked with me in the past, but it's been a year or a little over a year since we've worked together.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I do know her, but I also am not like in the mix in her life right now.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I thought she would be a great person to do this with.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, Hilary, welcome.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe just like introduce yourself a little bit, let the audience know who you are.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, Elise.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: I was excited when you asked me to do this because working with you is always more than you think it might be.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but about a little about me.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: I am an occupational therapist by training, but I'm also a homeschooling mom now.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: And we have been roaming the country in our RV for two years.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: So when I first started with Elise, we were setting out on this adventure.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, it's been, I came into Elise's world at that time for a reason.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like my life was completely changing, and it was a wonderful time to go deeper into what I do, why I do it, and how my past links to it.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it was really cool to see the evolution in working with Elise.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: But it's been a while, and there have been some instances over the past, it's been a little over a year that I'm like, I want to talk to Elise.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm happy to be here.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yay! And I'm just remembering too, you've been on the podcast before, so people can go back and listen to your episode because it was right at the end of our year together that we did an episode.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: It might have been almost like exactly a year ago, which is funny.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: So that's so interesting.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: So now we get to just dive in again and see.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so let's just start by if you can just tell me what is the biggest problem or challenge you're having right now or thing that you want to shift, and then what is the shift that you're looking for?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what is the result you're looking for?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: The biggest thing that's been like kind of this cyclical pattern that's coming up is I have my oldest daughter has learning disabilities.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like the cyclical thing that comes up is how my husband and I choose to go about doing that, handling like how to best give her the best education.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: And we seem to always have a lot of friction there.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: And it's definitely a recurring thing at this point.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost like we just won't talk about it, or I'll start talking about it, but then we have to kind of finish it before we explode into a fight.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so it has me feeling kind of like in this freeze mode in the goal, like where I would like to be, is not feeling that like so frozen and not feeling so like all the weight is on me.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I know this sounds like a lot.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I'm writing my Christmas wish list.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: Write your wish list.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like I like I have confidence.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: So my husband, he's said, like, I trust your decision, but then I always doubt that.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then when I share my plan, that's where we start getting friction-y.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to like have more confidence in the space because I am the primary educator at this point as the homeschooling mom.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: My husband isn't really involved in homeschool much at all.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: But for some reason, I just feel like there's just so much pressure.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to feel like not having that weight and having, I guess, more confidence and not feeling so stuck.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: I think all that weight is making me feel stuck.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: So when you think about like this feeling of being stuck or this weight, like where do you feel that in your body?
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like, literally, I can feel it right now.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's like all right in the center, like right in your chest, like your heart.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's just right in my heart, in my chest.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then can you just like walk me through this, like an interaction with him and start out by what prompts you to ask his opinion, right?
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because you said he said to you, like, I trust you, you take the lead on this.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: What happens for you?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, walk me through that first, where you go to him and and want his opinion, or you want to talk about it with him.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think a lot of people can relate to this.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you're about to make what you view as a big decision, and you just want to bounce it off of your partner.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it's usually that scenario.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay, I'm about to do this thing and I want to bounce it off him, but I don't really want his opinion.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: I just want his blessing.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Most of the time when I'm going to him, I know he's probably not gonna wholeheartedly agree because we just kind of have philosophical differences.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: But I just want him to miraculously start agreeing and be like, you're amazing.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for doing this.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: And when you bring it to him, do you give him any like parameters as like, hey, I just want a sounding board, or hey, like this is what I'm looking for?
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Or you just like start talking about it?
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: We probably just start talking about it.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: We're good at nipping the argument at the butt, realizing that it's gonna go nowhere.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: But we were like sitting by a campfire, because that's what you do when you live in an RV.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: I just like came out with like a glass of wine, and I'm like, hey, so blah, blah, blah.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I dive into this like conversation.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's been whirling in my mind, and I need to like get it out of my head.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so he's the one I'll do that to.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't did that answer your question.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then, like, will he usually like tell you his opinion and disagree with you?
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what happens if I'm like, Yeah, so I'll plan on what I'm doing.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: Initially, he would then tell me his opinion, and it usually was not my plan at all, which is where the friction would start.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: Now, what it's evolved into, which is maybe why I'm feeling I feel kind of stuck.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm still taking action, we're still educating my daughter.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: But now it's more, he more is just like, why are you even asking me?
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: Because you know, whatever I'm gonna say, this is what he said to me, whatever I'm gonna say, you're not gonna listen to.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: And saying that to you now, I'm like, he has a valid point.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: But then when he says that, how do you feel?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: Just like I have no support because I'm going for validation.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going for like, just tell me I'm doing the right thing, like be my cheerleader.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: And he just does not show up as a cheerleader, he's just like shows up as the opposing team.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so then you just feel like I'm gonna feel like I'm alone then.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: I have to figure this out all on my own, and that feels heavy.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I do have one particular friend who also homeschools that I talk about some of this stuff, but like it's not the same because it's not like I'm talking to her about her child, or like when I go to my husband, I'm talking to him about his child.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: So you know it's a different relationship, I guess.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: There's a higher value to him validating what I want to do, my plan, than a friend's so the feeling of like carrying this weight, feeling stuck and needing validation.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you just drop into your body and you like tune into that feeling, can you remember either the first time or one of the first times you felt that way in your life, not in this relationship?
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I don't know.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's a story that like came up, and I don't really know why it's a story I've told you before, and I don't know if it totally works, but it just keeps coming up.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: When my mom told me she was taking me out of the choir group because the choir leader told her that she thought I shouldn't I should just move my mouth and not actually sing, and my mom told me this, and I think it was just like this complete let down of someone like my mom.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: So here's where maybe it's starting to link.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: My mom was my husband right now.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I wanted validation from her, like, you're an excellent singer, amazing singer.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: Your teacher told you you're amazing, and she told me the opposite.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm taking you out because she thinks you're horrible.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then so how did you feel when she said that?
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: I feel so sad.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: I remember being so sad and so just like so ever positive Hillary.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: I remember like giving myself a pep talk, like it's okay, you can still sing whenever you want to sing.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and I think my mom also prefaced that, but like I remember being just bumped, sad.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I really thought that was so much fun.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm being taken out, and also you just enjoyed it because you enjoyed it.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't like you were like, I need to be the best singer in the world, but you just thought it was fun.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: It was fun, exactly, exactly.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I think yeah, I was I just remember being like sad and bummed, and then like that just leads to many more stories, like this narrative of you're just not good musically throughout my whole life, which now as like an adult, I'm like, all of that was just not true.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: I just had this event, these circumstances or environment or whoever these people that came into my life that decided to tell me this.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I just felt hurt and alone, and then it became, as I've talked to you before, like something I hid.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Do you think when it came to your mom, do you feel like you had a choice or that you could have said, like, no, I still want to do it, or like what was that dynamic of you kind of saying, like, pushing back, or there was no pushback.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: There was just it was being let down and not being supported.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like my mom didn't stick up for me.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: She just pulled me out.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: So there was just like that abandonment of wait, you're just gonna let this happen.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I know I didn't have words for that then, but now like that's making me choke up.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, my mom, who's supposed to be my like protector, didn't stand up to this like evil choir lady and then work maybe to find what my heart would have wanted is find me a choir I can sing in that the lady doesn't think I'm horrible and telling me not to sing.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like there was an abandonment of that like protection, just like, oh, that didn't work.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: You must not be very good.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then because I do know obviously a little bit about your relationship with your mom.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: I think also there were certain things too that then it was like, Well, these are the things you should do.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, oh, for sure.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: No, there was no like ever any consideration of let's try another opportunity for this, right?
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: It was like, well, you must not be good at that, and let's just do this instead, because that's what I think you're good at.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so then you kind of learned like you have to hide the things that you like and then do the things that your mom wanted you to do in order to receive love or support.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there wasn't complete choice.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I being that little girl who just didn't want to ruffle any feathers, like, okay, this didn't work out.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: My mom's saying it didn't work out, she's saying this might work out.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: That's the path of least resistance, right?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: We don't want to cause more commotion than what's already happening in our home.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: But then my heart would have liked her to cause commotion.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then also maybe like for context, why did you feel like you couldn't cause any more commotion or that you couldn't fight back or that you had to be positive all the time?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: The narrative in my home is I had a brother who was really ill and I was the youngest.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: And what I I learned working with you is like, you know, I was that little girl, and in order for me to feel like safe and protected, I needed to not ruffle feathers.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like everyone else in my home is ruffling.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: My sick brother, my oldest brother, they caused lots of I saw what the challenges they caused my mom.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so then little girl Hillary was like, okay, just be the positive one, be the good one, do what you're told.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: And like I lived that narrative until a couple years ago.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: And how do you think, like in retrospect, how did living that narrative impact you now that you're able to see it?
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, it kind of kept me away from knowing my truest self for sure.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: But I wasn't in tune with, I mean, I I think a good way to say it is like my own individual power.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: I was kind of like, okay, I am clearly good at these things that I was like told I was good at, and I should follow a path that expresses that.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, totally that like good girl syndrome.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: But I was, I wasn't unhappy, but I was like also not completely feeling everything, like just feeling all the emotions and allowing all that to be okay.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: It was always very positive.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I always come back to also like my mom telling me my whole childhood about like the meaning of my name, which is full of joy, and that like you bring so much joy to our home and you're so positive, and you're always so easy and optimistic, while there were lots of things going on around me that were not easy and not positive.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I was that little late.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so I just adopted that role, but it wasn't a complete understanding of who I was and who I could be.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: It was like a complete understanding of who I was and who I could be as defined by this role within my family.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's a really good way of describing it.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I have two things around this.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: One, whenever there's the child, and it's usually a girl who is like, oh, you were so easy.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, they're so easy.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's always a red flag because, like, that's kind of even worse than the kid who's not easy, because that literally just means you don't feel comfortable asking for anything and you try to handle any everything on your own because it feels safer to do that than ask for help, right?
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of like smart girls that can do things on their own, they end up being like the easy child.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then you're told that you're easy.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: So you're like, oh, they love me for being easy.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: So let me just be easy, you know.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: But then you end up, like you said, adopting this role and not allowing yourself to fully connect with who you are, what you want like authentically.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then the other piece too is it's kind of this thing that I talk about around like deprogramming from the cult of the family, which is like when we have these narratives that are told to us, right?
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're really good at this, or oh, you bring joy to the room or like whatever it is, then you literally just take that on.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: And anything that comes up that is in conflict with that, you just are like, no, no, no, that must not be true.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember now it's kind of coming back to me too when we were processing your feelings around your brother being sick.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: That was a lot of it too is like, oh, I didn't allow myself to feel these things or even acknowledge these things because it wasn't in line with that narrative.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: You helped me allow and accept going to those darker colors of the rainbow.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like I lived in like sweater is perfect.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like peaceful I lived in these colors.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: That was my identity.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: But like no one is just pink and orange and yellow.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: We all have the deep dark stormy hues of emotion in being like all that like shadow stuff or whatever you want to call it.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I just never really acknowledge that or would avoid it or would rationalize back to positive.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I try not to do that now.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: But that is my MO.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's my back that's the direction I'm just gonna go I and I have to stop myself.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: So before I give you like my take on like the parallel with your situation now I like to hear like how you would draw the parallel or how you would make sense of what's happening with your husband and your daughter.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: Well I'm thinking like part of it is like my mom abandoned my emotions.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: My emotions weren't validated.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: They weren't even considered in a way I'm going to my husband to like validate like this is scary.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm nervous and I'm feeling these darker emotions and I want you to say like that's okay but he's not even talking to me on an emotional level he's not he's talking to me on a very logical we're talking about a logical thing but what I'm actually probably seeking is his like don't abandon me this abandonment is coming up.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: You're running emotional support but because you didn't get emotional support you're like expecting to be abandoned.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: So you're almost creating those circumstances for you to be abandoned because you're not actually asking for directly like what you want.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm not but it's okay because this is what we do and we're just like not fully aware of this stuff.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: And also I just want to say like you have obviously a lot of awareness around this from the work we've already done.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: But when it comes to our kids obviously whenever there's something going on with our kids when they are in a new stage of growth or whatever, they'll trigger us in certain ways.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: And obviously within the context of our relationships with our partners too these things will then ricochet off of that right yeah so yeah and I think I just want to say real quick like I think like the work with you is so my childhood family work that then like transitioning it to my now nuclear family is like it's more abstract.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the next level to do totally because also I I just was telling a client this before I got on this call.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: When you're in it and your emotions are coming up it is really challenging to see what's happening even though you know like you know what the patterns are and you've worked through a lot of it when it comes up it really can cloud your ability to see I mean it happens to me all the time and like I consider myself really good at doing this work.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: However, when I have a big emotion come up, I need somebody to tell me what's going on because it's very hard to see you know especially when it's a new situation that it's going to bring up essentially the same thing, but it brings it up in a new way that it's hard to see because now there's all these different contexts around it, right?
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: There's like your daughter and her learning needs and your relationship with your husband and there's all these like things swirling that it's hard to make sense of and I always say too like there's always the the deeper thing like the core wound that comes up but then there's always these very human things that it's like it's humanly objectively normal to feel worried about your kids or feel stressed out about being on the road for two years or whatever.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like those are no matter how much work you've done, those things are objectively stressful.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's important to acknowledge that as well just life is lifing you know and that's okay.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: But I think like the crux of this I think for you is being able to tune into like what you're actually needing here is not him to agree with you, but that you are questioning yourself in being able to like make the right decision and essentially give to your daughter what like your mom didn't give you in a lot of ways.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know and I think like we've talked about this a little bit you know in terms of your relationships with your kids and just like noticing the way that you're able to be there for them in ways that your mom couldn't do for you, you know?
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then you're wanting to feel that emotional support around the the effort you're putting in and feel that validation.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I think there's two things here because I think that you wanting emotional support from your husband is like a very normal thing that you can just voice.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm actually not asking you for your opinion.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm asking for your emotional support in me doing this thing that feels scary.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: Which I never approached it like that.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well yeah because you weren't actually aware of what was going on you were making it about the thing.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah so now you can say it like that and then it turns it into a very different conversation because now you can actually get what you need and not get what you don't want which is him disagreeing with you.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: Which then triggers the unmet need of validation from your mom.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then I think that is the deeper thing that is unconsciously happening is because you're like setting yourself up for him to disagree with you.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: Then you're like wait then that triggers that unmet need of not being validated and then you keep like going back and putting that position yeah to try to get that validation.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah it does make a lot of sense if I think back to like as we being more clear I'm like why is this memory coming up?
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: I don't really get it but the lack of validation I was given about like I love this thing I want to do this thing as a child but like being totally not validated being like nope that didn't work we're moving on.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: Right and your feelings not even being considered or your desires or just like who you are as a person not being valued because I think also with kids like we have this need to be acknowledged or valued and and have somebody reflect back to you like who you truly are to help you make sense of your experience.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: But then when you're just told like oh no that's not who you are and you're like wait but I feel like it's who I am but now you're telling me it's not so now I don't know who I am and there must be something wrong with me because I was wrong about who I am and now I'll just abandon myself and listen to you.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah and I say and just like linking it to this situation is like I just yeah it is like just that validation it's not the logical logistical thing it's the I feel uncomfortable I feel scared doing this or whatever and just needing that I'm not even asking about the what I'm asking about the feels and support for that to go.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just in my mind already that he would be like I completely support you.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you guys already had came to the agreement that like based on your knowledge experience credentials all of that you are the expert right you guys already agreed to that so now it's just more like him supporting you and taking on that role.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah but it's not actually because adult Hillary knows that you're the one who needs to be in the driver's seat around these decisions.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like you know that.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: So you're yeah so you're not really questioning that you are more just like okay I'm doing this thing that feels scary.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm forging this new path because really that's what you're doing.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're like you're pioneering a way of doing it that doesn't exactly exist because of your circumstances and because of like your daughter just is a unique individual.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I think anytime we do something new especially something that no one else has done before like a business or whatever our stuff comes up we question ourselves and we're like can I really do this?
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: Am I good enough?
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just like a natural thing that happens.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah that makes it makes a lot of sense because in our circumstance too like I'm not working with the school I'm not working with other professionals.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_01: I mean any professional I reach out to as a homeschooling mom being like can you support me with my kid is an instant yes and we'll do miracles for them right so like you start not like it just starts to be noise and so then you have like what I'm trying to do is like really listen to like use my expertise and knowing my child and trying to navigate this new not typical route for helping her be educated in the best way possible but it is like I like that business analogy because there is no clear runway to follow.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I think if there was I wouldn't be in this place I would just be like oh the school said to do X, Y, Z.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I might like follow that more easily but I'm like having to come up with it as a homeschooling parent like you're the one that creates that path.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so that brings up those deeper fear and doubt and all these like deeper insecurities that you've carried your whole life come up and navigating that is is hard at times.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: And the other thing that I'm realizing too is I feel like it's also requiring you to tune into her acknowledge her and understand her in a way that your mom did not do for you.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely which feels good actually but it's I feel like that part comes easy to me but then there's all that pressure that my mom kind of just like avoided because she didn't go there yeah like it create I don't know where you can help me with that like but then I'm just because I think that like the pressure is not actually in the thing because you're already doing it.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think the pressure is coming in of you a part of you that even though you're already doing that for her there's still a part of you that is I think unconsciously in reaction or response to what you didn't get in the way that you want to make sure she is getting what you didn't get.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that is like and it's a small piece of it.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like you're fully like in that but I feel like that's where you put that pressure on yourself of like it's my responsibility to make sure she doesn't experience what I experience.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: We see that a lot like I know that would come up for me a lot with my son for whatever reason like I would feel like I need to protect him from any like if my husband would like reprimand him or whatever, which is not bad.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: But I would immediately go into this response of like how I felt with my mom and like then feel like I needed to prevent him from feeling how I felt with my mom.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: But it wasn't even actually real.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like he wasn't even experiencing what I was experiencing.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: But since I was still in reaction to that, I was responding in that way.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's like the other piece where it's like if you notice you're putting pressure on yourself, it's not actually because you need to put pressure on yourself to do this.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_00: You already are doing it.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: You already know her you already understand her you're already giving her what she needs is just that you are feeling like oh no I need to prevent her from experiencing the hurt that I felt but really you're trying to prevent yourself from feeling it again like reliving it.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly yeah I think like in that moment too it's about just dropping in and feeling it yeah okay and then it dissipates right like it's really just like trying to prevent yourself from feeling that pain like when it comes up because it comes up you know with your kids or absolutely especially with your kids because you're yeah you're totally trying to prevent those hurts that you had that that is okay right but it doesn't mean that it would be their hurt too their experience is just like different and the it is and so that's a good reminder of just like dropping in like this is my thing and I can I can just keep it as my thing.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's not it doesn't translate universally yeah because you're already giving her what she needs and if you weren't you would know yeah you can trust that based on like you know the evidence of the last 10 years or however long it's been yeah yeah yeah okay so then let's go back to your husband how do you feel about you know just like showing up in this new way or asking him for emotional support and like what if he's like what do you mean emotional like what does that look like for you got a lot more used to the whole emotion thing so there's that no I'm actually kind of curious um because it's kind of in one of these my husband's family's communication is very oh there's a conflict okay we will just never go there again kind of thing where my family is we go everywhere always and like always process and talk about it.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: So totally opposite so like we kind of haven't gone there in a while because we know it's a clash right and so then he's not willing but this brings it to like a whole new way of phrasing it because it's really not about what he thinks and what I think it's more about how I feel in his role as my partner of like I can support you in that which he already has kind of stated but like we've already said like he's agreed that I know a lot more about this I have more expertise and that more or less like he trusts me to make the right decision.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_01: So me approaching it more of like I'm about to do this what feels scary to me and this is what I'm doing and I just want your emotional support would be a new I don't think it would be as triggering for him if I brought it up because if I like I'm gonna do this thing what do you think of that that's triggering to him I recognize that now even before but I was hoping for a different resolution which obviously we don't get right trying the same thing with the same result.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_01: Right exactly um but this is not trying the same thing this is just like I feel scared like or I'm nervous or I'm just gonna yeah it just opens it to a less triggering conversation for him.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah it's really just about your feelings and the other thing too that I just want to point out because I think there's like nuance to this is you also want to be able to recognize if you're coming from the place of like that unmet need of validation versus just like truly wanting emotional support, you know, and if you truly want emotional support like what does that look like it might just be I just want to talk to you about how I feel and you be present and listen and you don't have to do anything other than like maybe you give me a hug or whatever.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_00: But like it might not be requiring anything of him other than to just listen and be present.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas that unmet need for validation is not something that he can give you because that's like something that you have to reconcile within yourself.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it's important to be able to feel the difference like what does it feel like in your body when you're moving from that need for validation versus just truly feeling like this is a big decision and I and it could be nuanced or could be multiple in the pot you know well I'm realizing like when I've gone to him in the past it's almost and it might be spur the moment but that's always like a defense let me defend my decision and tell you why like I think this is so good.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know like like a closing statement this is why you should side with me don't you agree?
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_01: And that's totally coming from I need validation place.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas now I could approach it more of I've made this decision and I've used my expertise to make it and I feel good about it but I'm still nervous you know and it would be more from that place of like I feel nervous about it or I feel whatever I'm feeling um and I'm just coming to you to let you know I've to just talk about it.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah just let me talk about it.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_01: I think that is like the nuance there like I'm not coming like these are the 20 reasons why I think I should do this.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah and then that like convincing energy is coming from the place of like not only needing validation but also assuming that you're wrong or you're gonna be made wrong or you're gonna be invalidated.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas this is more like coming from a place of like in my power and I'm feeling really excited and really like hopeful about this but at the same time it's really scary just to bring in like that emotional spectrum that seems to help me of like I'm scared too because it's unknown or like it costs a lot of money or like whatever it is.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that he would be more receptive to that because it's not like do you think this is a good idea.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah and also I think within that context too you can really communicate like what it actually is you're looking for in the conversation.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm not looking for your opinion I've already decided yeah I'm just looking for you to listen and I also just wanted to point out the nuance because you know in the work that we do we're always talking about like well what is the difference when you're operating from wounding versus operating from your power right and like that's what you're describing here.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: But operating from your power doesn't always mean that you don't have any emotion or you're not allowed to be scared or worried or whatever it is.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's just more that you're owning that and you're able to communicate that versus like an unconscious like validate me or love me or tell me that like where you're not aware of what you're actually looking for.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I think operating from your power can also be like hey I really think this is the right decision but also like I'm scared and also I really want to make the best decision for our daughter and that feels like a lot right now.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah it feels so just like having this conversation so I feel like I've been sometimes I'll make bigger decisions but kind of like micro decisioning my way through what to do with her.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_01: And like I think when it comes to some bigger decisions need to be made of like the path that we go especially as we start to settle into a community that absolutely I think he might appreciate me coming to him in a way of look I've stepped up in my role and I've done these decisions, I've done my research I just want you to sit with me and like celebrate this, but also acknowledge like just hear me that I'm also scared or whatever the spectrum of emotions is coming up.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_01: I think he might have more respect for me coming to him in that way rather than like more or less handing him a problem.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not handing a problem anymore and we and and this is based off of because we have this foundation that has been established fortunately that he trusts my decisions in this and try feels I do have the expertise and that I really don't need to go to him for his opinion which is kind of what I'm doing.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why he won't engage he's like there's no point we have differing opinions but I've given you right so he's like what do you want from me?
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly and like no wonder that's like annoying and triggering at the same time and just like do your job is kind of I mean it's such a man mentality like why are you being annoying with just do your job don't you know it's so black and white but for me like it's like nuanced there's nothing black and white about this it's like blurry and confusing.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_01: But then instead like acknowledging the emotions is really important for me and having that partner to like Hey, I just sit with that with me, but arriving from my power.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_01: I am.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I'm stepping into that role.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm making the decisions.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_01: And now I just need that emotional support, which I think he's a lot more available for than like having to have a debate or convince each other of something or yeah.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_00: And the other thing that you said too, that I think is really important is like feeling like you want him to celebrate it with you because it feels like you are aware of these certain moments where you feel like you've accomplished something.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like you feel like you forge a new path.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_00: You feel like you got to like a various like checkpoint, you know, along the way.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_00: And just wanting to be like, hey, I feel really good that I've like am forging this path and I've gotten to point A or B or C or D.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_00: I just want someone to celebrate that with.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like, you know, in business when like you get a new client or like something big happens, you want to like tell someone and so they can celebrate it with you.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's making me like if I think, okay, where am I gonna take this after this conversation?
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's really gonna, I don't want to make him out to sound like he doesn't care, but I don't think he cares about like the nitty-gritty, what are we doing in like homeschool or whatever?
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like he doesn't care.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_01: He's more like it's more of looking at at how I talk to him.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like I I often have felt really alone in this homeschool journey because he's just if it were up to him, we wouldn't homeschool.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_01: We travel around the country, so someone's got to educate our kids.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_01: More of like uh coming to him, not about like we did this and we did this and we did this, but more like this week in homeschool, I feel really accomplished because XYZ.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_01: And let's celebrate that, or this week was really hard and just let me just uh talk to you and more making it the emotion focused, which surprisingly in your work with you, I've realized like once he got used to me talking about emotion, like and let me just I'm feeling really stressed, let me just talk and don't answer.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like, he's used to that now, but that took a while.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_01: Now, like those conversations, I think he finds the easiest because he's like, There's nothing I have to do.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and there's no right or wrong, it's just like you feel what you feel, and that's fine.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, this actually might open a bigger door of how I talk to him about homeschool is not like what I'm planning to do or like that nitty-gritty.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's more like how is it feeling right now?
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the kind of support I actually just need.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_01: I don't need another decision maker.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_01: I feel pretty good about that.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_01: I need that emotional support.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I shouldn't be going to him for like, do you think I should do this?
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's more like, let's celebrate this week or let me just vent about this week.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_00: And also it's making me think of like a bigger picture of like, you know, because I'm sure like with his work, you don't care about the nuances or ins and outs of it.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_00: But if there's something that he feels good about or excited about or whatever, he brings it to you and you guys can celebrate it because I feel like it's not even about like his work or what you're doing or whatever.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's more about like the general energy of your family and your vision for your family and where you guys are going and how you feel and what you're creating.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's more like kind of bringing.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_00: I have a client who started having these, she calls them boardroom meetings with her husband.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that because they just like, you know, they sit and they talk about like the state of affairs, you know, like, oh, we're doing this or we're doing that, or whatever.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_00: You can bring it in that way too, where it's like, okay, this is what is happening for me, this is what I'm feeling, and like this is how it kind of looks in the overarching view of like what we're creating as a couple, as a family, and like what our vision is for ourselves.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I like that, and it keeps it like higher level, and like you know, we're all so busy, like, we don't have like hours of time to like talk about these things.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you might get like 10 minutes energetics of like what is happening emotionally, because at the end of the day, like I do view him as my primary emotional support, but when I get all caught up in this nitty-gritty, help me make this decision.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_01: There is no space then for emotional support, yeah.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really what I need, what I'm seeking.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_00: And noticing that, like, when you're not able to state that, it's like you operating from that little girl who's expecting not to get emotional support.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_00: Which so now it's like when you're in your power, you know that that's available to you.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's the shift, also.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I think, and then the other piece I just wanted to bring in too is like also bringing in the awareness of like when you just need to process your emotions through breath work or journaling or whatever it is.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_00: Cause I think that piece is important as well because it's talking about it is good and getting his support is good, but also just being able to like on a body level just like breathe and process it and let it move.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that is always important.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well, so it's funny because like obviously the breath work is such a huge part of this, but it takes that really level of awareness and practice to be able to be like, okay, I'm feeling something, let me just feel it instead of trying to make it go away or finding a solution.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I think I've gotten a lot better at that, the whole idea that emotions can flow, but that is a good reminder for like when there isn't a time to have that conversation with my husband, that that is also a tool I can use to feel more, just feel better, feel more clear.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then usually you'll come out on the other side and you'll be able to have a better conversation because you're more clear.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, awesome.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_00: The clarity always comes on the other side of a processing the emotion.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_00: It emoji is like is such a satisfying thing for me when somebody's like, I don't understand what's going on, you know, for so long.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then finally they're like, Oh my god, I get it.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_00: I get it now.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_00: I see it, I understand.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, just this conversation.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, oh yeah.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_01: But it is so so much of my work with you was around my family growing up and my relationship with my mom.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_01: So it has been a challenge at times over this last year.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think those have been the biggest sticking points, is like, because it's not a perfect line.
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_01: It never is.
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, that's where it's helpful to.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's not always easy to see, but I always say the feelings are the same, right?
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_00: The circumstances might be drastically different, and even the roles can be different too, because you know, you have a husband who wants to emotionally support you.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not like he's actually playing the role of your mom.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's more that you're you kind of create that in these different circumstances.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but learned behavior from children.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why I think the most important thing is like immediately when something's happening, it's like drop into your body.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_00: What am I feeling?
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, where am I feeling it?
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_00: And like when did I feel this way before?
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_00: And like then you'll immediately get it, at least from an emotional level.
• 51:32
  SPEAKER_00: You might not be able to draw all the parallels like when you're in it, but at least from an emotional level, you can know and you can just breathe and move through it.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_00: So helpful.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yay, thank you.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_00: I really appreciate you doing this, and um, I think it's gonna be helpful for people.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's just great, you know, to be able to like see it in the context of like your kids, your husband, your family dynamics, because everybody has these things, and I'm sure a lot of people will be able to relate to it.
• 52:03
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're welcome.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_00: Anything else before we complete?
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_01: No, that just feel I wasn't sure where we were gonna go with this, and it's so and that I've learned that it doesn't matter, just show up for the call.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_01: We'll just go where it's meant to go because she'll ask some amazing question and then we'll navigate and it's always just so great.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_01: You always feel better after.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_01: Really good.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yay! And keep me posted with how it goes.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_01: I will, I will for sure.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_00: Don't forget to follow the show on Apple or Spotify.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_00: Leave a review and share the show with your friends who you know are yearning for this type of content.
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_00: When you leave a review, send us a screenshot and we'll send you a$250 credit that you can apply to joining anything new in my world.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_00: You can stay connected with me by following me on Instagram at elise underscore breeds.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure you download my Clear Trauma Cheat Sheet at elisebreeds.com.
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_00: See you next time.