Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Run Better One-on-Ones
Transcript
- Lucas: So let's talk about something that sounds boring but is actually one of the highest-leverage things a new manager can do: the one-on-one meeting. Luna: The dreaded weekly check-in. I think everyone has been on both sides of a bad one-on-one. Lucas: Right. And the tragedy is that most one-on-ones are terrible. They become status updates, problem-solving sessions, or worse — just a time for the manager to talk about what they need. Lucas: But when done well, a one-on-one is the single best mechanism for building trust, giving coaching, and catching small issues before they become big ones. There is actually some solid data from Google's re:Work team on this. Luna: I remember that study. Managers who held consistent weekly one-on-ones saw something like a 15% improvement in team retention. That's huge. Lucas: Exactly. And that's not a small effect. For a team of ten people, that's potentially preventing one or two departures a year. The cost of replacing a single employee is often six to nine months of their salary, so the ROI on a thirty-minute meeting is absurd. Luna: But the key word is 'consistent.' I think a lot of new managers start strong and then cancel or reschedule when things get busy. Lucas: That's the kiss of death. If you cancel a one-on-one, you're telling your direct report that their growth is less important than whatever fire you're putting out. And the message is heard loud and clear. Luna: So what does a good one-on-one actually look like? Because when I became a manager, I had no idea. I just asked 'how's it going?' and then we stared at each other. Lucas: Yeah, that's the default, and it's a waste. The best framework I've seen comes from a former Googler named Steven Levy, but really the principles are pretty universal. The agenda should be driven by the direct report, not the manager. Lucas: Your job as a manager is to listen, ask questions, and offer coaching — not to assign tasks. That's what email and project management tools are for. Luna: So you're saying the one-on-one is not a status update. That's actually counterintuitive for a lot of new managers, because they think they need to know what everyone is working on. Lucas: Right. And you do need to know, but you can get that from a dashboard or a standup. The one-on-one is for the stuff that doesn't fit into a bullet point. Are they feeling burned out? Do they have a conflict with a teammate? Are they thinking about leaving? Do they want to develop a new skill? That's the real content. Luna: And how often should a new manager do these? Weekly? Bi-weekly? Lucas: I'd say weekly for the first ninety days at minimum, and then you can adjust based on the employee's experience level. But the research is pretty clear: weekly beats bi-weekly, and bi-weekly beats monthly. The re:Work data showed that the biggest drop-off in retention happened when managers went from weekly to every other week. Luna: That's a strong finding. So consistency and frequency matter more than the content itself, almost. Lucas: To a point. But the content still matters. There's a simple structure that works: start with a check-in — 'how are you doing?' for real. Then ask about priorities, roadblocks, and then a coaching or development question. Luna: I like the 'what's one thing you want to accomplish this week that you're excited about?' That opens up a different conversation than 'what's on your plate?' Lucas: Exactly. And then end with 'how can I help?' Not in a performative way, but genuinely. A lot of managers skip that question because they're afraid of creating more work for themselves. But your job is to remove obstacles. Lucas: If you don't ask, you'll never know that your direct report is waiting on a decision from you that's blocking their project. Luna: That's painfully common. I've been that direct report, spinning my wheels for a week because my manager didn't respond to an email. Lucas: And the manager probably had no idea. The one-on-one is the safety valve for that kind of thing. Luna: So for a new manager listening right now, what's the one change they should make to their next one-on-one? Lucas: Flip the agenda. Send your direct report a shared doc the day before and ask them to populate it with what they want to talk about. You can add a couple of things, but they go first. That simple act shifts the power dynamic and makes the meeting about them. Luna: I like that. It also forces the direct report to prepare, which makes the conversation much richer. Lucas: If today's episode was useful to you and you want to keep it ad-free, buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo helps. Luna: Yeah, it really does. We appreciate every bit of support. Lucas: So let's talk about another trap new managers fall into: using the one-on-one to vent about their own frustrations. I've seen this happen a lot. Luna: Oh, that's dangerous. It blurs the line between manager and peer, and it puts the direct report in an awkward position. Lucas: Exactly. Your one-on-one is not therapy for you. If you need to vent, find a mentor or a peer manager. Your direct report should never be your sounding board for complaints about the company or other team members. Luna: It also erodes trust because the direct report now knows you're not in control, or that you have a negative attitude. Lucas: Right. So keep the focus on them. Another best practice is to take notes. It sounds simple, but a lot of managers don't, and then they forget the commitments they made. Luna: I've been guilty of that. I thought I would remember, but I didn't. And then the next week, the direct report brings up something I promised to look into and I have no recollection. Lucas: That kills credibility fast. So either take notes in the shared doc or send a brief recap email right after. It also signals that you took the conversation seriously. Luna: Let's talk about managing former peers specifically in the one-on-one context. That's a tricky dynamic. Lucas: It is. And we did a whole episode on that, but specifically for the one-on-one, the shift is from buddy to coach. You can't just shoot the breeze for thirty minutes anymore. Lucas: You have to be intentional about maintaining the relationship while also holding the new authority. One tactic is to explicitly acknowledge the change: 'Hey, I know we used to be equals, and I want to keep our friendship, but in these meetings, I'm going to focus on your growth. Let me know if that feels weird.' Luna: That's honest and disarming. And it gives the former peer permission to be candid too. Lucas: Exactly. And then you follow through. You don't gossip, you don't complain, you stay in manager mode. Outside the meeting, you can be friends again. Luna: So the one-on-one is the container. It's where you're the manager, and that's okay. Lucas: That's a good way to put it. And for new managers, the biggest takeaway is: protect this time. Don't cancel it. Don't multitask. Don't check your phone. Give your direct report your full attention for thirty minutes. That alone will set you apart from most managers. Luna: It sounds small, but I think it's one of the highest-signal behaviors there is. It says 'you matter.' Lucas: Exactly. And that's the foundation of everything else in management.