Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #254| Why Most Advice About Procrastination Is Completely Missing The Point
Transcript
- 0:00Michelle Gauthier: You know what you need to do.
- 0:01Michelle Gauthier: You're just not doing it.
- 0:02Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:14Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:19Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences.
- 0:24Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
- 0:31Michelle Gauthier: Hello, friend.
- 0:35Michelle Gauthier: Today we're going to be talking about procrastination, where you spend so much time thinking about something you should be doing, but not actually doing it.
- 0:43Michelle Gauthier: Let's dig in and understand what's going on here.
- 0:45Michelle Gauthier: Today, when you listen, you'll learn what procrastination is and why the way most people think about it is actually wrong.
- 0:52Michelle Gauthier: You'll learn about the real emotions that are driving procrastination and why identifying yours is the only thing that actually can help you move the needle.
- 1:01Michelle Gauthier: And then I'll share with you one awareness shift that changes how you relate to procrastination going forward.
- 1:07Michelle Gauthier: Everybody procrastinates sometimes.
- 1:09Michelle Gauthier: Some people really suffer from this, and some people it's occasional, but this is just part of the human condition.
- 1:16Michelle Gauthier: Let's talk about what procrastination actually is, because I think what most of us believe about it is wrong.
- 1:22Michelle Gauthier: Maybe you've been taught that procrastination means you're lazy or you're undisciplined or you're bad at time management.
- 1:28Michelle Gauthier: And if you're this high-achieving, overwhelmed working woman who prides yourself on getting things done, labels like that can be particularly painful.
- 1:35Michelle Gauthier: So a lot of times women like us really beat themselves up if they perceive that they're procrastinating because it doesn't match what you know about yourself.
- 1:43Michelle Gauthier: But here's the truth: procrastination isn't about the task.
- 1:46Michelle Gauthier: It's about how the task makes you feel.
- 1:49Michelle Gauthier: It's not about avoiding the work, it's about avoiding the emotion that the work brings up.
- 1:55Michelle Gauthier: And your brain, which is so very good at its job, is trying to protect you from that discomfort by finding literally anything else to do.
- 2:02Michelle Gauthier: This is why you can knock 20 things off your to-do list in one afternoon and still not touch the one thing that actually matters.
- 2:09Michelle Gauthier: Doing those 20 things felt just fine, but the one thing, it just feels like something.
- 2:14Michelle Gauthier: Until you know what that something is, you'll keep trying to fix a discipline problem when you actually have an emotions problem.
- 2:21Michelle Gauthier: I saw this play out recently with a client who is a senior executive and totally a person who gets things done and she would clear her entire inbox, reorganize her files, prep for meetings that weren't for like another week, anything to avoid this one specific project that just kept sitting at the top of her list.
- 2:40Michelle Gauthier: And when we slowed down and looked at what was actually happening, it wasn't laziness or disorganization, it was fear.
- 2:46Michelle Gauthier: As we broke it down, we found out that she was terrified that if she started it and it wasn't perfect, that her team would lose confidence in her.
- 2:53Michelle Gauthier: That's a lot of pressure.
- 2:55Michelle Gauthier: And the task wasn't the problem.
- 2:56Michelle Gauthier: The feeling that was attached to the task was the problem and the thing that was preventing her from actually getting started.
- 3:03Michelle Gauthier: Once you accept that procrastination is emotional and that it's a feeling that you're avoiding, the next question is, what is the feeling?
- 3:11Michelle Gauthier: I'll tell you a couple of the ones that I usually see when I help my clients investigate this.
- 3:16Michelle Gauthier: Number one is fear of failure.
- 3:18Michelle Gauthier: What if I do it wrong?
- 3:19Michelle Gauthier: If you're a person who has a long track record of doing things well, starting something uncertain or messy means risking that track record.
- 3:26Michelle Gauthier: So your brain says, don't start, and then you can't fail.
- 3:30Michelle Gauthier: Right along that same line as perfectionism.
- 3:32Michelle Gauthier: So if I can't do it absolutely right to the A plus degree, I'd rather just not do it at all.
- 3:38Michelle Gauthier: And this one is pretty sneaky because you might say, well, I just have really high standards, but it's avoidance dressed up as quality control.
- 3:46Michelle Gauthier: Another one is fear of judgment.
- 3:48Michelle Gauthier: So what will people think about me if I do this?
- 3:50Michelle Gauthier: This one is especially common if you tend toward people pleasing.
- 3:54Michelle Gauthier: So if the task involves being seen, being evaluated, being controversial, if you're doing something that's new or different that could feel risky to you if you have a fear of judgment from other people.
- 4:06Michelle Gauthier: And then there's this fourth one that doesn't get talked about enough, but I think is really relevant for us, which is resentment.
- 4:12Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes you're avoiding doing the thing because on some level you don't actually want to do it.
- 4:17Michelle Gauthier: It's on your list, but it was never really your choice.
- 4:20Michelle Gauthier: Maybe it belongs to someone else's agenda or someone else's priorities, and your avoidance is your only form of protest.
- 4:27Michelle Gauthier: I think this too can tie into people pleasing.
- 4:30Michelle Gauthier: So I had a client who owns a business and is a mom of three.
- 4:33Michelle Gauthier: And she kept putting off her weekly business report that her partner wanted from her every Friday.
- 4:38Michelle Gauthier: And she told me she just couldn't make herself do it.
- 4:40Michelle Gauthier: And when we dug in, she realized that she'd never agreed to do the report in the first place.
- 4:45Michelle Gauthier: And it wasn't helpful to her personally.
- 4:47Michelle Gauthier: It had just been assumed and she took that on as a task without really thinking through it.
- 4:52Michelle Gauthier: So her avoidance wasn't procrastination.
- 4:56Michelle Gauthier: It was her way of saying no to something she never actually said yes to.
- 5:00Michelle Gauthier: And once she had that conversation with her partner and restructured the expectation, the problem just disappeared.
- 5:05Michelle Gauthier: She didn't have to get more disciplined.
- 5:07Michelle Gauthier: She just had to feel her feelings and get to the bottom of that and set a boundary about what she was and wasn't willing to do.
- 5:13Michelle Gauthier: So now if you're thinking, okay, procrastination isn't, doesn't mean I'm lazy.
- 5:18Michelle Gauthier: It means I'm having a feeling.
- 5:20Michelle Gauthier: So what am I supposed to do about that?
- 5:22Michelle Gauthier: But I just want to remind you that the first step to solving any problem is having awareness of it.
- 5:27Michelle Gauthier: Next time you catch yourself avoiding something, instead of asking, why can't I just start this?
- 5:32Michelle Gauthier: Just shift slightly and ask yourself a different question.
- 5:35Michelle Gauthier: What am I feeling right now about this task?
- 5:38Michelle Gauthier: And that's it.
- 5:39Michelle Gauthier: That's the shift.
- 5:40Michelle Gauthier: Is it dread?
- 5:41Michelle Gauthier: Is it anxiety?
- 5:41Michelle Gauthier: Is it boredom?
- 5:42Michelle Gauthier: Something that feels vaguely like fear, but you can't quite name it.
- 5:45Michelle Gauthier: You don't have to fix the feeling to move forward.
- 5:48Michelle Gauthier: You just have to name it.
- 5:49Michelle Gauthier: And naming it, getting specific about what's actually happening takes away a significant amount of its power.
- 5:55Michelle Gauthier: Here's what it might look like in practice.
- 5:57Michelle Gauthier: So instead of sitting down and thinking, I have to do this and I just can't make myself do it, you pause and you say, okay, I notice I feel dread when I think about this.
- 6:05Michelle Gauthier: Probably because I'm worried it won't be good enough.
- 6:08Michelle Gauthier: And that's it.
- 6:09Michelle Gauthier: You haven't solved anything yet, but you've moved from spinning in self-criticism to understanding what's actually going on.
- 6:15Michelle Gauthier: And from there, you can usually do something about it because most women are sitting in self-criticism.
- 6:21Michelle Gauthier: I'm so bad at this.
- 6:22Michelle Gauthier: I should just do it.
- 6:23Michelle Gauthier: What's wrong with me?
- 6:24Michelle Gauthier: And self-criticism is not a strategy.
- 6:26Michelle Gauthier: It has never helped anyone start a task.
- 6:29Michelle Gauthier: Awareness is not the whole solution, but it's the only real starting point.
- 6:33Michelle Gauthier: You can't solve a problem if you haven't clearly identified what's actually going on.
- 6:38Michelle Gauthier: So before you try another productivity system or another timer trick, get curious and just ask the question, how am I feeling?
- 6:45Michelle Gauthier: and find out what's actually going on.
- 6:48Michelle Gauthier: So here are the takeaways from today.
- 6:50Michelle Gauthier: Number one, procrastination is not a discipline problem and it doesn't mean you're lazy.
- 6:54Michelle Gauthier: It is a feeling problem.
- 6:56Michelle Gauthier: And the task isn't the issue, feeling the feeling attached to the task is.
- 7:01Michelle Gauthier: The tip that I'm leaving you with today is just to ask yourself a question, how do I feel about this task?
- 7:06Michelle Gauthier: And that will help you shift from being stuck and spinning into being able to take action.
- 7:12Michelle Gauthier: That is the starting point.
- 7:14Michelle Gauthier: If battling negative self-talk, saying yes when you actually want to say no, or feeling like you can't even trust your own brain anymore is keeping you stuck in that cycle of overwhelm.
- 7:24Michelle Gauthier: And every week you try to reset and every week is just as overwhelming as the one before.
- 7:29Michelle Gauthier: Have a solution for you to understand what's going on.
- 7:32Michelle Gauthier: The reason that the cycle keeps repeating is because you haven't identified the primary driver of what's causing your overwhelm in the first place.
- 7:39Michelle Gauthier: And that is exactly why I created the overwhelm quiz.
- 7:42Michelle Gauthier: Because when I work with my one-on-one clients, the first thing we do is find the biggest thing that is causing their overwhelm.
- 7:48Michelle Gauthier: And then we get to work on it.
- 7:49Michelle Gauthier: So I created this quiz.
- 7:50Michelle Gauthier: It takes less than two minutes, and it tells you the root cause of your overwhelm and exactly what your first step should be in solving it.
- 7:56Michelle Gauthier: Because you can't fix something that you haven't correctly named, just like I'm talking about with the procrastination.
- 8:02Michelle Gauthier: The link is in the show notes.
- 8:03Michelle Gauthier: Take it today and learn the reason why you're feeling stuck in overwhelm.
- 8:08Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 8:15Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com.
- 8:21Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.