Latest / Abbey the Podcast Lady / Be the Disco Ball: Community Building Lessons for Entrepreneurs

Transcript

Be the Disco Ball: Community Building Lessons for Entrepreneurs · Abbey the Podcast Lady

0:08
I gotta get the camera set up first because I'm
0:11
constantly on my client's butts about not filming
0:14
content and I'm not gonna, you know, break my
0:17
own rule. So yes, you have a wonderful introduction
0:22
sheet with a beautiful picture of Liz. If you
0:24
look closely, she has chicken earrings and they're
0:27
wearing boots. And I am not her. But we have
0:30
been mistaken for sisters before. Because if
0:32
you do put us side by side in person, we do look
0:34
kind of similar. But, yeah, sorry. Not Liz today.
0:37
She's really sick. She really did want to be
0:39
here. She called me this morning when she was
0:42
leaving the ER from getting fluids. She's like,
0:45
I just want to be there. I'm like, I know. I'm
0:47
going to do the best I can, okay? So just a quick
0:52
little brief synopsis about me. Joy did a great
0:55
job introducing me. But yes, I own a small business.
0:57
It's called Abby Graves Productions. I got really
0:59
creative with naming my business. But I am a
1:04
podcast producer. I produce podcasts for 10 people
1:07
every single week across the entire country.
1:10
And I even worked with cattle ranchers in Australia
1:12
for a while on their podcast. So I'm worldwide.
1:16
No big deal. But I also am a wedding DJ, I host
1:21
Music Bingo, and I run a photo booth business.
1:24
So I call it living my Paris Hilton fantasy because
1:28
I figured out how to get paid to party. That's
1:32
hot. But yeah, Liz is one of my favorite people,
1:37
so I got some big shoes to fill today, but we
1:39
are going to do the best we can. So I wanted
1:43
to talk about being a disco ball in your community
1:46
and how that can help. build the community for
1:49
you that you want, and help build your business
1:51
in return. Like I mentioned, I'm a DJ, and I
1:54
like partying, and I like disco balls. And if
1:57
you've seen my shoes, I really like disco balls.
2:00
I even put them on my feet. So I do a lot, obviously.
2:06
I have multiple different businesses or branches
2:08
of one business that I run. But what I've noticed
2:10
in everything that I do is that the richest people
2:14
in life... aren't the ones with the deepest pockets
2:16
or the thickest wallets. They're the ones that
2:19
have the strongest village behind them. When
2:21
they need something done, there's a team of people
2:24
standing by ready to help them out no matter
2:26
what. Those are the people that are the richest
2:29
in life. And I think this is maybe something
2:30
that I picked up growing up. My dad always said,
2:34
we're not rich in money, but we're rich in love.
2:37
I heard that once. I heard it a million times.
2:39
And it's just something that's kind of stuck
2:41
with me through adulthood. And I realized that,
2:43
yeah, we... If you're rich in love and you have
2:45
a strong village, it can take you really far.
2:48
So we're going to go through my disco ball framework
2:52
because disco party, everybody loves it. So it's
2:57
kind of a weird world we're living in. I feel
3:00
like it was getting weird and then COVID hit
3:03
and then it got really weird. But there's a loneliness
3:05
epidemic. How many of you have heard loneliness
3:07
epidemic? Yeah, it's something that's getting
3:09
tossed around, I think. What was the most recent
3:12
stat? Someone said that if you're lonely or you
3:14
classify yourself as lonely, it's as bad for
3:17
your health as smoking 15 packs of cigarettes
3:19
or something like that. Like, it's really bad
3:22
to be lonely. And we're kind of living in a strange
3:24
world where we have the illusion of a village,
3:28
the illusion of community. We have LinkedIn.
3:33
Facebook and TikTok and all those places where
3:36
we're building an online community. And those
3:37
are great and they help to a certain extent.
3:40
But having an in -person village really does
3:42
make a difference when you're trying to build
3:44
your book of business and build yourself as a
3:47
pillar in the community, which is super important.
3:49
And it's hard to find, but once you figure out
3:51
how to do it, it does get easier. I think a lot
3:55
of us are, well, it's a room full of women. Usually
3:59
if there's a man in here, it's a little bit different.
4:02
How many of us are the ones that are texting
4:04
the friends and, like, organizing the group chat
4:06
going, hey, let's all go for lunch. Brunch is
4:08
on this day. Okay. About half of us. The other
4:11
half are you guys kind of the ones that are super
4:13
busy and you're waiting for someone else to make
4:15
those plans? Is that kind of where we're at?
4:17
It happens. We all go through phases in life.
4:20
Sometimes we're the people facilitating. Other
4:22
times we're the ones participating. But I think
4:24
there has been kind of a more swing in being
4:27
a consumer of the community. Versus being more
4:30
of a participant in it. So that's kind of what
4:33
I want to go with today is talking about being
4:35
part of a community that really shows up for
4:38
each other and how that can help. So this is
4:43
my DISCO framework. It's an acronym. Because
4:49
I also like acronyms. I saw yours earlier and
4:53
I'm like, yep, my people. So disco balls, they're
4:57
bright, they're joyful, they're reflective, they
5:00
create energy. Like when you walk into a room
5:02
and you're like, oh, a disco ball, awesome. I
5:05
DJed an ice cream rave a couple weeks ago. Yeah,
5:09
that's a real thing. It was awesome. And there
5:10
were disco balls everywhere. And it was just
5:12
the best time because they're creating all this
5:14
light and creating such a fun atmosphere to be
5:16
in and be around. And that's why I really wanted
5:19
to create this framework. So the D is deciding
5:22
to show up. And we're going to go deeper on all
5:24
this, obviously. I didn't get an hour to talk
5:27
for nothing. So D is deciding to show up. I is
5:30
investing before you need return. S is social
5:33
media as a village building tool. C is creating
5:36
connection consistence. consistently, and O is
5:39
offering light. So getting into the D of disco.
5:47
This is something that is, it's been a theme
5:52
in my entire life. I've always been, I was told
5:56
in like 10th grade when I was student body president
5:58
and in charge of like six other groups, one of
6:01
my teachers said, Facilitators facilitate. Participators
6:05
participate. You're a facilitator, Abby. I'm
6:07
like, I know. Look at me go. So deciding to show
6:11
up. This is something that I have almost done
6:14
to a hindrance sometimes because my calendar
6:17
can get kind of full, unfortunately. But when
6:20
someone asks me to participate in something,
6:22
it's usually something really fun. And it's an
6:24
opportunity I don't want to turn down. So I decide
6:26
to show up for a lot of different things. Let's
6:32
start down here in the corner here. So this is
6:35
me dancing about almost exactly a year ago. I
6:38
was asked to show up and be a community star
6:42
for Dancing With Our Stars Live. It is a competition
6:46
that happens in St. Cloud, Minnesota. They ask
6:48
six community stars to be the dancers and then
6:51
they pair us with professional dancers. And we
6:54
learn a dance and we spend a couple months fundraising
6:56
for the charity of our choice. And it's a dance
6:58
competition. You can win money for your charity
7:02
based on how well you dance and how well you
7:04
fundraise. And they asked me to do this September
7:07
of 2024. So at that time, I was three months
7:14
of being full -time self -employed. So pretty
7:16
fragile state with my business. Like I was still
7:19
just trying to figure out what time should I
7:22
wake up in the morning and start working? Because
7:24
I don't have a boss to clock in with anymore.
7:26
Like I'm still trying to get my feet wet. I'm
7:28
still trying to manage all these new client relationships
7:31
and making sure that all their deliverables are
7:33
met. Heck, at that time, I was still invoicing
7:36
through a PDF I made on Google Drive. Fragile,
7:41
fragile little baby. But I still decided to show
7:43
up. I said, yep, I will dance in June of 2025.
7:47
I'll show up and be part of this thing. So I
7:50
showed up and realized that. Six months later,
7:54
my business was still in a pretty fragile state.
7:56
I did figure out Square for billing. That was
7:59
great. Huge help. But I was still trying to manage
8:01
client relationships and trying to make myself
8:04
known in the community and do marketing. And
8:06
it was just, it was hard. And on top of that,
8:08
now I'm in charge of running fundraisers. And
8:11
there was no one setting those up for me. It
8:13
was all on me to be setting up these fundraisers
8:15
for my charity. And I was choreographing a dance
8:19
and learning the dance. right? You can't tell
8:22
in that picture, but that shirt is covered in
8:24
rhinestones. And so I was doing all of that stuff
8:27
and I was still showing up, but it was getting
8:29
harder and harder. But luckily I had joined a
8:33
networking group in November of 2024. And I had
8:36
joined because I had loosely known someone in
8:40
the group and they're like, just come, just come.
8:41
And decided to show up again. D decided to show
8:45
up and found a really supportive group. And now
8:48
The deciding to show up has spread out because
8:51
at every single fundraiser I did for Dancing
8:54
With Our Stars, this group of people right here,
8:57
my networking group, they showed up at every
8:59
single event. It didn't matter what day of the
9:01
week it was. It didn't matter what bar I was
9:04
popping up and doing music bingo at. They were
9:07
showing up. They were showing up as a crew. They
9:09
were donating to the cause. They were playing
9:11
music bingo. They were telling their friends
9:12
about it. They were deciding to show up for Me
9:15
Too and creating a village. And it made a huge
9:18
difference. I ended up winning an extra $3 ,000
9:22
on top of what I fundraised for my selected charity
9:25
for a total of $10 ,000 because this group of
9:28
people... decided to show up for me and be my
9:31
village for something that was honestly a really
9:34
hard time for me but it's still really fun too
9:36
because I mean I got to dance but it was hard
9:38
but they showed up and that made a world of a
9:40
difference and having that village helped tremendously
9:43
I saw this quote on the internet like it's so
9:48
spot on villages are not built during emergencies
9:51
they're built on ordinary Tuesdays they're built
9:56
on That Wednesday when music bingo starts at
9:59
7 o 'clock at that dingy bar that you don't necessarily
10:01
want to go to. It's a little sketchy. It's by
10:04
the railroad tracks. But they show up anyway.
10:08
Villages aren't built when your world is crumbling
10:11
down. It's the people that you've had beside
10:13
you all along. And when something does start
10:16
to go awry, they're the ones that are like, how
10:18
can I help? What do you need? You want a hot
10:21
dish? You want a pan of bars? I got you. I'm
10:24
your village. I'm here for you. The I in disco,
10:30
invest before you need return. So I just recently
10:35
learned about something called the seven hour
10:37
rule. Is this a new concept to anyone? Has anyone
10:39
heard the seven hour rule before? Okay, so the
10:42
seven hour rule states that you need to have
10:46
seven hours of meaningful interaction with someone
10:49
before they're willing to pay a high premium
10:53
price for something that you're selling. So I
10:56
heard that in like seven hours. That's a long
10:58
time. And then I thought about last year at this
11:01
time when I was buying a new vehicle. And I'm
11:04
like, well, how many hours did I spend at the
11:06
dealership? I'm like, well, that first day it
11:08
was about three hours. That second day it was
11:11
about two hours. And then it was another hour
11:12
and a half, two hours that third day when I finally
11:14
decided to buy my green Subaru Outback. And I'm
11:18
like, yeah, and by the end of it. Eric was my
11:20
guy. Me and Eric, bald Eric with the beard at
11:23
Subaru in St. Cloud, we are tight. I knew where
11:27
he was going hiking that weekend. I knew that
11:30
he was bringing his Australian shepherd with
11:31
him. And I even knew that his favorite water
11:34
bottle was the blue Nalgene, not the green one.
11:37
Because I had spent time with him. I knew about
11:39
his life. I knew about him as a person. And we
11:43
spent seven hours together and I was willing
11:45
to buy a high ticket item, a car. From Eric.
11:48
And it's the same thing with, I'm in a room full
11:50
of insurance agents. Seven hours with my insurance
11:53
agent. It was the guy who was showing up at different
11:57
community fundraisers that I was at. We're in
11:59
chamber together. He is, like, him and his wife
12:05
makes these really cute, like, bracelets and
12:06
stuff. So then I started following her on TikTok.
12:08
And they're always doing stuff together. So then
12:10
I'm, like, parasocially hanging out with them
12:12
on social media and seeing what they're up to.
12:15
They're really cute. But, like. You're spending
12:17
quality time with people, and that's what makes
12:19
you want to invest in them and their business.
12:23
A good example of this with my business, this
12:26
is a picture of Kayla Keenan. She is the founder
12:29
of the Indy Foundation, which is a nonprofit
12:32
based out of Minnesota. Anyone heard of them
12:35
before? Okay, so it's really cool, a big champion
12:38
of them. Indy, I -N -D -Y, stands for I'm Not
12:42
Done Yet. Kayla, unfortunately, lost her husband
12:45
to cancer, and they were really young. He got
12:48
diagnosed with his cancer, I think it was six
12:52
months before their wedding. And his goal was
12:55
to make it to their wedding. He made it to the
12:56
wedding cancer -free, but then it came back about
12:58
a year later, and he unfortunately lost his battle.
13:00
But the entire time, he would say, I'm not done
13:03
yet. And their goal was to start a foundation
13:05
that helped people through. no matter what kind
13:09
of cancer you had, male, female, doesn't matter
13:11
your age. They just wanted to make the process
13:13
a little bit easier and donate money that you
13:16
can use however you need to because cancer is
13:18
so dang expensive. So they started this wonderful
13:21
foundation. And shortly after they did, my mother
13:25
-in -law was diagnosed with breast cancer. And
13:27
we were kind of at a loss because she was in
13:30
her early 50s, so really young for that to happen.
13:33
we came across the Indie Foundation. And at the
13:36
time, I was a radio DJ in St. Cloud, Minnesota.
13:40
And I actually invited Kayla onto my radio show
13:43
to talk about the foundation and just share her
13:47
story and why she did it and what she was doing
13:49
to make the community better. And we just stayed
13:52
in touch. That's it. That's all it was. It was
13:54
a radio interview to promote something I believed
13:57
in and help her spread the word about what she
13:59
believed in. And we just... kept in contact.
14:02
And when she'd have a fundraiser, I'd promote
14:03
it on air or talk about it or write a story about
14:06
it for the website. And that went on for years
14:09
and years until I left the radio station. And
14:12
then she had the idea of starting a podcast for
14:15
the Indie Foundation called Connecting Through
14:17
Cancer to help connect people through the audio
14:21
experience and just be another way to support
14:23
them. And when she had that idea, I was the first
14:26
person she contacted. Why? Because I had already
14:29
invested. time and energy into this relationship
14:32
with Kayla and with the Indie Foundation. So
14:35
it didn't start out as like, oh, you're going
14:38
to be a client someday. You're going to give
14:39
me money. It started out as genuine human connection
14:42
and just investing in something we both similarly
14:45
believed in. And it was worth it in the long
14:48
run. And I'm still happily producing their podcast.
14:51
It's one of the top 50 podcasts in the United
14:54
States. Let's see it. But trust is built through
14:59
repeated interaction. It's all about just showing
15:02
up and supporting the things that you believe
15:03
in, and you're going to find other people that
15:05
believe in the same things, and that's going
15:07
to help grow you as a human, and it'll help grow
15:09
your business. The S in disco is social media,
15:14
and it's a village -building tool. Okay. I love
15:19
social media. I love social media. I am just
15:22
a little internet goblin, and I will... If you
15:25
see my screen time, you're like... She has time
15:28
to run a business? Looks like she's just on her
15:30
phone all day. Because I kind of am. But it's
15:34
fine. How many of us, do we like social media?
15:37
Or are we like, please no. Okay, I'm getting
15:40
the vibe of please no. Hear me out. Social media
15:48
is important. It is. It's unfortunately a necessary
15:51
evil in this day and age. Because that's where
15:56
everyone hangs out when they're on their phone
15:59
at home. They're opening Facebook and Instagram
16:01
and LinkedIn. It doesn't matter where you're
16:02
at. It's a village building tool. I am, like
16:07
I mentioned, a DJ, music bingo, photo booth.
16:10
I do a lot of different things. But what I like
16:12
to do after every single event is make a little
16:16
recap video. 30 -ish seconds of just some snapshots
16:20
of people enjoying themselves at the event. promoting
16:23
what the event was. Example of this is last week.
16:26
I was at a chef gala. So good. I had a Bloody
16:32
Mary deviled egg. Game changer. So good. I ate
16:39
four of them. Four full eggs, like eight halves.
16:43
Like, egg math. But I was at this gala, and my
16:50
photo booth was set up there. They had contacted
16:52
me, and they're like, hey, Abby, we would love
16:54
to have a photo booth there. It's a fundraiser
16:57
for a women's shelter, though, so we don't really
16:59
have a whole lot of money that we're working
17:01
with. And I'm like, you know what? I'll just
17:02
come pop it up for free, hang out for a little
17:04
bit, enjoy the gala. I know you're going to feed
17:07
me good food, so I'm willing to do this for you.
17:10
And it's another cause I believe in. It's a wonderful
17:13
organization helping women and children in central
17:15
Minnesota find safe housing after domestic violence.
17:18
I'm like, yeah, that's a cause I believe in.
17:20
Why not show up and be part of this village for
17:23
these people that need it and have a good time
17:25
in the process? So I just grabbed little snips
17:27
of what was going on throughout the night, made
17:29
a big recap video, posted it on my social media
17:32
pages. And I think I had five or six people send
17:35
me private messages after seeing that. And they
17:38
said, Looks like you had so much fun. Also, I
17:42
had no idea that this organization existed in
17:44
the community. No idea. They're like, this would
17:47
have been a great resource to share with my friend,
17:50
friend of a friend, a cousin, people looking
17:53
for a safe place to go when fleeing a domestic
17:56
violence situation. But just by posting what
17:59
I was up to and how I was helping out and being
18:02
part of a village, that then... brought other
18:05
people into the village because now they know
18:07
about it. And now they can spread the word about
18:09
that organization. So social media, unfortunately,
18:13
a necessary evil, but it can do a lot of good.
18:17
And I saw this on Pinterest. I'm like, yes. Your
18:21
comment section become your village square. People
18:24
can come and have conversations. They can start
18:26
conversations, share ideas. I love, love, love
18:29
when someone sees something of mine and it reminds
18:32
them of something else. And they're like, oh,
18:35
hey, you know, you should check this out next.
18:37
Or, hey, this organization might need a music
18:39
bingo event. Or these guys are looking for a
18:42
DJ for a fundraiser they're doing. I love when
18:44
people drop into my comments and tell me about
18:46
what's going on. That actually happened last
18:48
year at this time. And someone needed to DJ for
18:52
a fun run that was supporting NICU families.
18:55
And unfortunately, I was already booked to do
18:57
a wedding on the day they needed me last year.
19:00
But this year. Since I got tagged on social media,
19:02
they contacted me super early and they're like,
19:05
hey, can you please DJ our fun run for the NICU
19:07
families? I'm like, yes. As long as you have
19:10
an outlet for me to plug in, I will be there.
19:12
Just tell me when and where to set up. And so
19:14
I'm doing that coming up the first weekend in
19:15
June. But it's because of those interactions
19:17
on social media where you're getting referrals
19:20
for business. And I'm not charging to do a lot
19:23
of these charity events, but I'm showing up and
19:25
I'm being part of someone's village. And it's
19:28
a great visibility tool and it just helps. so
19:31
much because there's other people to lean on.
19:35
Okay, this is the one where I might start crying,
19:38
so bear with me. So this is C, create connection
19:41
consistently. I love connecting people with other
19:47
people. That's just something I've always loved
19:49
doing. I think that's why I became a radio DJ,
19:51
just because it's just constant connection with
19:54
new people and new faces. But this logo up here
19:58
is Midwest Outdoors Unlimited. It is a nonprofit
20:02
organization that helps send veterans and disabled
20:05
people out on hunting and fishing trips. Looking
20:09
at me right now in my sparkly shoes and my purple
20:11
blazer, you probably wouldn't believe that I
20:13
am a super avid outdoorsman. I love hunting.
20:18
Bear hunting and deer hunting are my absolute
20:20
favorite. But Midwest Outdoors Unlimited Prairie
20:22
Partners chapter is headed up by my mother -in
20:26
-law and my late father -in -law. And this is
20:29
an organization I've been involved with since
20:31
I started dating my husband in 2011. So I have
20:35
been part of this for 15 years now. Every year
20:38
we host this huge banquet and we play games and
20:41
raise money to help send these veterans and disabled
20:44
people out on hunting and fishing trips. This
20:47
was in 2021. The picture was taken and the hunt,
20:52
I believe, happened in 2020. This is Addie, Addie
20:55
Swenson. She has spina bifida and she wanted
20:59
to go hunting really bad. And it just so happened
21:02
that my second cousin on my mom's side from Browardville,
21:07
shout out Joy, he has a bunch of great hunting
21:10
land and facilities to get people into the woods
21:13
easily. And he started something called his Happy
21:16
Hunters. And he was looking to start this program
21:19
up and help people get out on hunting trips.
21:22
I saw it on Facebook and I knew that Addie had
21:27
wanted to go hunting. And so I got to work behind
21:29
the scenes with Midwest Outdoors Unlimited and
21:32
get Addie out on a hunting trip. And she had
21:35
kind of a rough opening morning, really slow,
21:38
not a lot of action. And then in the afternoon,
21:40
she ended up getting a really nice buck. And
21:43
it was so awesome to see that happen. If you
21:46
were to ask Addie's parents or even my cousin,
21:50
Paul, Who connected you? Who set this up? They
21:54
probably wouldn't be able to point back to me.
21:56
I'm willing to bet they wouldn't be able to say,
21:58
Abby did that, but that's okay. I don't need
22:01
the recognition for this. I don't want the recognition
22:03
for it. I just want the feeling of, I was the
22:06
one that took this picture. I want the feeling
22:08
of taking the picture and seeing the smile on
22:10
that girl's face because she got a canvas printout
22:13
of her deer that she got and just knowing that
22:16
she had an awesome time. out in the woods, thanks
22:18
to an organization that I have volunteered countless
22:21
hours to over the past 15 years. And just creating
22:25
that connection means so much to me. And being
22:29
part of a village to make that happen, it just
22:32
helps so much. And there's so much good that
22:35
comes from it. So think about where you can create
22:38
connection in the organizations that you're part
22:40
of. How many of us sit on boards for something?
22:43
It's a room full of women. Of course we do, right?
22:46
We're the ones that get things done. But I know
22:49
that there's a couple of boards that I sit on
22:51
where I could probably be even more active in
22:53
the connections that I'm creating. Because I
22:56
just could. Like, if you just think about it
22:58
for five seconds or go through the lens when
23:01
you're scrolling through social media, like,
23:02
how can you create a new connection with something?
23:04
And it might not pan out into anything. But hey,
23:07
at least you tried, right? Oh, offer light to
23:13
others. So this one is a very recent story that
23:19
I want to share. I DJed three proms this year.
23:24
The youth terrify me. They're so scary. And then
23:31
you put them in like a sparkly prom dress and
23:33
really sharp heels and they get even scarier.
23:37
But I did three proms this year. The first one.
23:40
It started off super good. And I was so excited.
23:43
I'm like, yeah, they're going to be partying
23:44
all night. Let's go. And then the last hour,
23:47
no one danced. No one danced for an entire hour.
23:52
They sat on their phones on the sidelines. You
23:57
guys, I played Get Low by Lil Jon. The uncensored
24:04
version in front of their principal. And no one
24:08
wanted to dance. I went up to the teacher who's
24:12
in charge of prom and I've DJed this prom six
24:15
years now, I want to say. I've been doing it
24:17
for a long time. I went up to her and I'm like,
24:19
Senora Custer, can you level with me? Do I suck
24:23
at this? Am I bad at DJing? And she's like, I
24:27
think they're just tired. Boo hoo. If Lil Jon
24:33
can't get us on the floor, who can? Brutal. So
24:38
I'm like, okay. I left feeling pretty defeated
24:40
that night. I'm like, okay, that started well,
24:42
didn't end well. Let's try the next one. Went
24:45
to the next prom and I wasn't the DJ for that
24:47
one. I was just the photo booth person. So I
24:49
set up my photo booth and left. And then I came
24:52
back and checked to see how many pictures were
24:53
taken. And it was about 300, which it was a smaller
24:57
school. So that's fine. But it wasn't as many
25:00
as I was kind of hoping for. Usually proms, I
25:01
can hit about 500, even with a smaller school.
25:05
The kids weren't really liking that either. What
25:07
do I got to do to win their hearts and minds,
25:09
you know? It was rough. So then my last prom
25:12
was Piers, Minnesota. Does anyone know where
25:14
Piers is? By Little Falls, St. Cloud area? It's
25:18
a smaller school. It's actually combined with
25:19
another school. It's Piers Healy High School.
25:22
And it's a bunch of redneck kids. They're wearing
25:26
their boots under their prom dress. And I've
25:28
done their prom now for three years. And I'm
25:31
like, okay. First two proms this year have been
25:33
a little rough. Maybe it's time to hang up my
25:35
prom DJ hat and just focus on weddings. And I'm
25:38
like, give it a try. See what happens. We were
25:40
at a new venue this year, which is always tricky
25:42
because they're trying to figure out the lay
25:44
of the land. But they get off the bus into the
25:47
Falls Ballroom and a senior girl runs up to me.
25:51
And I recognized her from last year. That's how
25:52
I knew she was a senior. I didn't go around asking.
25:54
Everyone's great. I'm not creepy. But she runs
25:58
up to me and she's like, DJ Abby, DJ Abby. I'm
26:01
like. Hi. I wish I knew your name. Hi. She said,
26:04
what time is the dance starting? I'm like, I
26:06
think like eight o 'clock. It's 645. You guys
26:08
still got to eat dinner. We'll get you through
26:10
the food line. Enjoy yourselves and dance will
26:12
start. She's like, I'm like, oh God. She's like,
26:15
can we start earlier? You want to dance? You
26:21
guys want to dance? Like cut a rug dance. And
26:23
she's like, yeah, we're ready. I'm like, okay.
26:25
Well, I still started the dance at about eight,
26:27
but that didn't stop her from bugging me every
26:29
15 minutes saying, can we get the dance started
26:30
now? But once the dance started, this is what
26:35
the dance floor looked like. Probably hard to
26:39
see, but this is a sea of kids, and there's another
26:41
duplicate sea right here and right here. And
26:44
it looked like that from 8 until 11 all night.
26:48
There was never a dull moment on that dance floor,
26:50
and it was because of that senior girl. Because
26:53
what she did is once the lights went down, she
26:56
started just grabbing the wrists of everyone
26:59
at the table. And dragging them out on the floor.
27:02
And just dancing right off the bat. And they
27:06
didn't stop all night. And if she saw someone
27:07
sitting down, she was grabbing them. Or she was
27:10
going up to them and going, hey, what song should
27:12
Abby play? And then she'd come and write it on
27:14
my clipboard. Like she was the one facilitating
27:16
the fun in the room. And she was giving everyone
27:19
permission to have fun. And not be scared to
27:22
be seen. Because I think that's what a lot of
27:24
the kids worry about these days. Being afraid
27:27
of being perceived or filmed or put on TikTok.
27:31
Dance stupid on TikTok. That gets you views.
27:34
I don't know. I had Kesha like one of my videos
27:38
from dancing on TikTok. No big deal. But seriously,
27:44
she was the one that was making sure that everyone
27:46
was out there. She was being a villager for this
27:49
group of kids. Dragging them out there. Making
27:51
sure they were having fun. Making sure I was
27:52
playing the songs that they wanted to hear. She
27:54
was the ringleader. And I really hope she gets
27:56
invited to prom as a guest next year because
27:58
it's going to be a bummer if that girl is not
28:00
there. But she is shining light on other people.
28:04
She was that disco ball reflecting the light
28:06
back on everyone else to make sure that they
28:08
were having fun. And she was a good energy to
28:10
be around. She was making everyone feel welcome
28:12
and letting them loosen up a little bit. And
28:14
there was just something so magical about that
28:17
experience. And it restored my faith in the youth.
28:21
The kids are all right, y 'all. The kids are
28:23
all right. They're going to be fine. So reflect
28:28
light generously and it will sparkle back at
28:31
you. I want to wrap this up by, what's time doing
28:34
good? So I got a little bit of time, right? Cool.
28:37
I want to talk about how I am a disco ball for
28:40
Liz. 30 of you got copies of Flowers Bloom anyway.
28:45
So let's start at the very beginning. I threw
28:51
out my back from golfing too much. In 2020, because
28:56
there was nothing else to do but golf. So I golfed.
28:58
I walked nine holes every day and then went to
29:00
a CrossFit class. I was in great shape until
29:03
I couldn't move. Bummer. Liz was the only doctor
29:07
available for me to see at that time because
29:09
she was a newer full -time nurse practitioner.
29:12
And I went to her for a referral for a physical
29:14
therapist. And we hit it off immediately. And
29:18
we just stayed in contact ever since. She became
29:20
my primary care practitioner. I think that's
29:23
the term for it. I'm not a doctor. I'm just a
29:25
radio DJ. And we just stay in contact. Well,
29:29
when the time came for her to go full -time on
29:33
her flower farm and for me to go full -time in
29:35
my podcasting business, we became disco balls
29:38
for each other, just reflecting back as much
29:40
positivity and help as we possibly could. And
29:44
the book that is sitting in front of you today,
29:47
I want to talk about how that kind of came to
29:49
be. So I found a podcasting conference called
29:54
PodFest. It's in beautiful, sunny Orlando, Florida.
29:57
Good excuse to go to Disney World. And this podcast
30:02
conference had a whole author track to it. And
30:04
I had known that when Liz lost Josh, her husband,
30:08
she was writing notes in her app. I knew she
30:11
was writing and journaling and going through
30:14
that process. And that was a way for her to grieve.
30:16
And I knew at one point she wanted to write a
30:18
book about it. She wasn't ready to take that
30:21
leap just yet. And so I said, come to PodFest
30:24
with me. You have a podcast. You have a really
30:26
good podcast. It was like charting and all the
30:29
home and garden charts at that time too. I'm
30:31
like, come down to PodFest. Go just check out
30:33
the author side of things. Like if you hate it
30:36
after one session, who cares? Go to a different
30:39
session. I don't know. We'll go get lunch and
30:41
we'll figure it out. But I shoved her into the
30:44
author room and within 10 minutes, she had texted
30:49
me. And she said, I'm leaving this conference
30:51
with a book deal. And boy, did she. She spent
30:58
the rest of the conference working with Morgan
31:00
James Publishing, pitching her book, getting
31:02
the book deal ironed out. And that's the book
31:05
sitting in front of you today. That's a very
31:08
like 10 ,000 foot overview level of that. It
31:12
took a lot of me being a villager for her to
31:14
get this book in front of you. I was a test reader
31:17
for it. I'm helping produce the audiobook version
31:20
of it. I was the one talking her off the ledge
31:22
of quitting every other 20 -minute increment
31:26
for a while. Has anyone written a book in here?
31:33
It's not easy. I'm not going to write a book.
31:36
I can tell you that much. After seeing what she
31:37
went through, that is not an easy process. And
31:40
thank goodness she had a strong village behind
31:43
her for it because there's certain things in
31:47
life you just cannot get through alone. You need
31:49
to have a sounding board for something. You need
31:51
to have someone that's willing to show up and
31:53
help out when you need it. I mean, the events
31:56
we had to put on to make this book happen, the
31:59
book signings and the launch parties. It's a
32:03
lot, and it's more than one person can do, and
32:05
there's a lot of things in life that it's more
32:07
than one person can handle. So having a strong
32:10
village behind you helps make things happen.
32:13
I'm not the only villager. I'll take a lot of
32:15
credit for the book. I put a lot of hours into
32:18
it. For a while, I was affectionately referring
32:20
to it as our book. But she has a PR specialist.
32:26
She has a social media strategist. She has...
32:30
her mom, who's a super big champion of her. She
32:32
has sisters and friends and people who were helping
32:35
her move forward and making sure this happens.
32:39
But without that strong community behind her,
32:43
this book would have never seen the light of
32:45
day and it sure as hell wouldn't have been a
32:47
USA Today bestseller. So it was kind of exciting
32:51
the day she did get USA Today bestseller because
32:53
we were all so nervous because 2 Chainz, the
32:56
rapper, put out a book the same week. We were
33:00
up against 2 Chainz, y 'all. And he's actually
33:04
smart. That was news to us. But we were so worried.
33:09
We were like, oh, what if 2 Chainz beats us?
33:11
And it was Dr. Seuss's birthday. And how USA
33:13
Today bestsellers are named is based on how many
33:16
books sold. It doesn't matter when the book was
33:18
published. It's all how many were sold that week.
33:20
And she ended up being number 69 on that list.
33:23
And we were all in a group chat at... five in
33:26
the morning going where's the list it hasn't
33:28
refreshed where is it and then when we finally
33:30
saw that she made it was just celebrations and
33:33
tears and hugs and it just wouldn't have happened
33:36
without a huge network of people behind her so
33:38
it's so important to be a villager for other
33:41
people because you never know when you're going
33:44
to need to flip it around villages are so important
33:47
I'm a firm believer in it there is a point where
33:50
you might be doing too much that's a totally
33:52
different topic we can deal with that another
33:54
day But for now, just think about how you can
33:57
be a disco ball for someone else and how you
33:59
can reflect light back at them and help make
34:02
their day a little bit better. I'm open to questions
34:11
if anyone's got any burning questions about literally
34:14
anything. You can find me on social media. On
34:24
Instagram, at Abby, the podcast lady. Everywhere
34:28
else has a different handle, so just go to abbygravesproductions
34:31
.com. If you need to find me in the parking lot,
34:35
the license plate says pod lady. Yes, I got a
34:39
custom plate. Back to my relationship with Eric
34:42
at Subaru. He hooked me up. Oh, okay. You can
34:52
find this on TikTok at Abby Minke. So these are
34:55
beautiful, stunning, gorgeous, covered in rhinestones.
35:01
Like if I can buy something covered in rhinestones,
35:03
that's how I want it. When I ordered them, they
35:05
were the last pair of size 10 of the Michael
35:08
Kors Zuma sneaker. ordered them, got them in.
35:12
Don't look too closely at them. One of them's
35:14
bottom is yellow. There's a blue stain on it.
35:17
The other one's outside is yellow. Turns out
35:20
they were a display shoe at a mall and they just
35:23
plucked them out of a window and shipped them
35:25
to me. So I went on to the Michael Kors support
35:28
site. I'm like, hey, I paid a lot of money for
35:32
these and we got a problem. And they're like,
35:35
that's too bad. How about a 10 % discount on
35:40
your next purchase? No. I'm good, thanks. I'll
35:46
just keep my weirdly half -yellow sneakers. Any
35:53
other questions? Literally, I'll answer anything
35:55
you got. Yeah, by Usher. That one will get them
36:13
going. Is it a white, primarily white people?
36:18
Cupid Shuffle. Also, sleeper hit for weddings
36:25
this year, that new, baby, where the hell's my
36:28
husband? They love it. Great for bouquet toss.
37:05
Let's go back to this picture. So Kurt, my late
37:10
father -in -law, two weeks after this picture
37:12
was taken, unexpectedly died of a heart attack,
37:15
which was almost three months to the day of Liz
37:19
losing Josh in that book. So we walked very similar
37:21
paths of flowers bloom anyway. But when Kurt
37:24
passed away, my best friends were the best villagers
37:28
a person could ask for because they knew it was
37:31
going to be overwhelming. I was the first in
37:33
the friend group to... lose a parental figure.
37:36
And so this was uncharted territory for us. So
37:39
we don't have like a, there's no protocol for
37:42
this kind of thing, right? There's no correct
37:44
way to show up for someone, but they knew that
37:46
they knew how, because my husband's been part
37:49
of my life for 15 years. So they've known him
37:51
a long time too. They knew how he was going to
37:53
kind of take it. And they knew how I was going
37:55
to take it. And they knew that I would be the
37:57
person, even though I was a daughter -in -law,
37:59
I was going to take charge, make the picture
38:01
boards, help organize the funeral. I was going
38:04
to be the person helping moving that ball forward.
38:06
And they knew that them showing up to Long Prairie
38:09
and having to stay at my parents' house and be
38:12
kind of a burden, so to speak, was not going
38:15
to be helpful in that situation. Instead, they
38:18
texted me and they said, we know how you operate,
38:21
kindly. And they're like, we think it'd be better
38:27
to just let you get through these next week,
38:30
week and a half. You tell us when you're ready.
38:32
And we're going to make dinner and bring it to
38:34
your house in Sauk Rapids, which is an hour away
38:37
from Long Prairie. Like I don't live in my hometown
38:40
anymore. They're like, we'll just meet you at
38:42
your house when you have time. We're not going
38:44
to go bombard you right now when you're trying
38:46
to juggle a million balls and crying your eyes
38:49
out every 10 minutes. We'll show up for you when
38:52
you're ready. And we're going to do it in a way
38:54
that's actually going to help you. So I shout
38:57
out to my besties. I think one of the biggest
39:18
challenges of being a leader and being a villager
39:22
for other people in my community is spreading
39:25
myself too thin. I'm one of those people who's
39:27
really good at burning the candle at both ends,
39:29
breaking it in half, starting that on fire, and
39:32
then breaking the half of a half and starting
39:33
that on fire and still somehow not burning the
39:36
house down. It gets close, but we're not calling
39:39
the fire department quite yet. So I think the
39:42
hardest part is just learning what my capacity
39:45
is. Learning to say no, that is a huge challenge.
39:49
And that is something my business coach has been
39:51
working with me on this year is really saying
39:54
yes to the things that are aligned and that are
39:57
beneficial to me on a soul level and on a business
40:00
level. And just saying no to things where people,
40:03
when people start knowing about what you can
40:05
do and what you can offer and when you're enthusiastic
40:08
to help, your door is just beaten down constantly
40:11
to be a villager for everyone, but you can't.
40:14
do absolutely everything. You can do as much
40:16
as you can, but no more or you're going to burn
40:18
your house down. So I think just the biggest
40:20
challenge is learning what my limits are and
40:22
how much I can contribute before absolutely being
40:25
tapped for resources. So do you have like the
40:29
top three tips for discernment of like who you're
40:35
going to invite into your village or the things
40:37
that you are going to say yes or no to? Yeah,
40:42
that is. a good question. Lately, I've been running
40:45
it through the filter of, is this something,
40:47
if I had unlimited free time, is this going to
40:50
be a top priority for me? Midwest Outdoors Unlimited,
40:54
I love being outside. I love helping people get
40:57
outdoors and experience the outdoors. That one
40:59
never is going to get pushed off the plate. The
41:02
one that I'm doing for the NICU families, I am
41:06
not a parent. I don't have kids. A lot of kids
41:09
charities and baby charities don't necessarily
41:11
align with me. But it is a friend that I have
41:14
now made. So then it kind of gets filtered into
41:16
I know this person. I like this person. So I
41:19
will support the charity. So I think it's just
41:21
like really trying to decide like what actually
41:25
matters to you because not everything can matter
41:27
at the same level. So I've just been kind of
41:30
trying to filter a little bit that way of like
41:32
does it really kind of feed into my personal
41:34
life as much as I'd like it to mean. I saw a
41:38
hand over here. Yes. I lay on a pizza -shaped
41:52
floaty in the lake with a margarita with an 80s
41:59
yacht rock playlist coming from a speaker on
42:01
the dock with my shih tzu on my stomach creating
42:08
a horrible tan line. And that is how I recharge.
42:13
That is how I find peace. Yes. I think just knowing
42:49
people's love languages and how to support them
42:53
the right way. There's actually a great chapter
42:54
in Flowers Bloom Anyway about this. Liz calls
42:57
it not the golden rule, it's the platinum rule.
43:00
Because we all know the golden rule, treat others
43:01
how you want to be treated. Platinum rule is
43:04
treat others how they want to be treated. Because
43:07
not everyone wants the hot dishes on the front
43:11
porch. I'm deathly allergic to dairy. Like a
43:14
shred of cheese in here, I'm in anaphylactic
43:15
shock, someone's got to stab me in the thigh.
43:18
So people showing up with hot dishes is not helpful
43:21
for me, especially in Minnesota. Everything is
43:23
covered in cheese and butter. Bummer, right?
43:28
So just knowing how to support someone is so
43:30
huge. And doing it in a way that is meaningful
43:33
and impactful and not a burden to them. I trained
43:38
my husband, Will, on this one, talking about
43:41
training our husbands earlier. He would buy me
43:44
flowers for my birthday, but they would be left
43:46
wrapped in the plastic. So now I have a chore.
43:50
Now I need to unwrap them. I need to put them
43:52
in a vase. I need to find a clean vase. Where
43:55
the heck did we put it last time? I don't know.
43:56
I'm just going to put it in this mason jar. But
43:59
it's all about just like doing things how people
44:01
want them done actually and how it's going to
44:04
be helpful for them and not a burden. And it's
44:06
hard. It's something that you got to learn and
44:08
a running note in your phone of just like names
44:11
and like what you think their love language might
44:13
be. Heck, even ask them what they think is helpful.
44:17
Be direct. People appreciate directness. Especially
44:20
when they're in a situation like losing a parent
44:22
or losing a friend or breaking an arm. Like,
44:24
hey, is it actually going to be helpful for me
44:27
to mow your lawn or are you picky about how the
44:29
lines look? Real problem. My cousin just went
44:33
through it last week. That's hard. That's really
44:54
hard. We've all been there. We've all had those
44:56
moments where it's a dark room and the disco
44:58
ball is still spinning, but there's absolutely
45:00
no light on it. And it's like, someone going
45:04
to flip a switch somewhere or what do we got
45:06
to do? And I'd say, find the person that you
45:09
know can bring a smile to your face. Like we
45:12
all have that person. When I said that, I bet,
45:14
did a name pop in your head? You can see their
45:16
face. My cousin Misty shows up every time because
45:19
we just laugh until we pee our pants when we're
45:21
together. find the person who is at least just
45:24
going to make you feel like a human again so
45:26
you can start reflecting out onto others. Because
45:28
if you don't feel like yourself, you're not going
45:31
to give to your best ability. So find someone
45:33
that can be just a little spark, just a little
45:36
like foam flashlight on the disco ball for a
45:38
second. Okay, I asked them after like my fifth
45:59
trip back for an egg. Because you're only giving
46:03
them out in halves. And it's from Jules Bistro
46:08
in downtown St. Cloud. And because this was like
46:10
a chef gala, it was a specialty food item that
46:13
they had made. And I'm like, come on, just tell
46:17
me. Just tell me. And they're like, it's all
46:20
in the seasoning. That doesn't mean anything.
46:24
So if I had to guess the flavor, I'm guessing
46:26
they took like the deviled egg filling and put
46:29
in a little bit of like tomato paste to like
46:32
give it that like tomato acidic. And then the
46:34
topping definitely had like a celery salt on
46:37
it. Yeah, the little wash your sister sauce.
46:44
Y 'all know what I meant. And they said it's
46:50
all in the seasoning. If I was a betting woman,
46:52
I'd bet there was like pepperoncino. like micro
46:55
chunks in there too. There was no garnish. It
46:59
was just the egg and the goo in the middle. It's
47:01
awesome. Egg was still white. So the whiteness
47:08
was still there. It was all in the filling. Yeah,
47:12
it was like a red color. So I think there was
47:13
like tomato paste in there. Do you guys want
47:18
to hear the weirdest thing I've ever seen at
47:20
a wedding? Okay. Picture this. Sicily. So I was,
47:29
you got it. I was DJing a wedding and it was
47:33
in Sox Center, Minnesota at like a pavilion.
47:36
So it was not even like an actual structure.
47:38
It was like a, just kind of a shed without walls.
47:40
And these people were partying hard, like hard,
47:44
like they showed up drunk. It's still daylight,
47:48
but let's go. So about 10 .30 rolls around. And
47:52
you know how like dance circles form and everyone's
47:54
had a few too many. So they're like not really
47:56
stepping in time. But they're all kind of doing
47:59
that to TikTok by Kesha. And all of a sudden,
48:03
the mother of the groom comes out of nowhere
48:05
and starts sprinkling everyone with holy water.
48:09
Where she got the holy water? I'm pretty sure
48:13
they got married at that venue. She brought it
48:15
from home. I don't know. But I'm like, it is
48:18
okay. Bless us one and all. Is my time up? Thank
48:25
you guys. This has been so fun. It's kind of
48:28
a last minute feeling, but hopefully you got
48:31
something out of it. Thank you, Miss Abby. You
48:35
were amazing.