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Overcome Shyness · Effective Communication

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: And now effective communication with Phil Zeller, CEO Dale Carnegie, Southwest, Michigan.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: All right, so this show today is going out to
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  Speaker 1: my peeps, the peeps like me. Hopefully that's you. If not,
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: you're gonna learn about some of the peeps out there.
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  Speaker 1: Let me ask you a question. Were you the shy
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  Speaker 1: kid back when you were a child growing up? Were
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  Speaker 1: you the shy kid? Yes? You might not believe this,
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  Speaker 1: but your host, Phil Zeller communication, I was the shy kid.
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  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, world explodes right. I was a shy kid.
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  Speaker 1: My mom we used to go places. I'm the baby
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  Speaker 1: of five kids within six years, grew up in a
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  Speaker 1: big family, would go places, and I really just did
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  Speaker 1: not talk. As a matter of fact, every time I
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  Speaker 1: was introduced by my mother would meet somebody else would
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  Speaker 1: be out and should describe each one of her kids,
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  Speaker 1: and her definition for me is, hey, this is my
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  Speaker 1: youngest child, Philip. He's the shy one. He's the shy one.
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  Speaker 1: And interestingly enough, my mom would always put that moniker
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  Speaker 1: on me. She would always call me the shy child.
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  Speaker 1: And it was interesting because later in life I asked
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  Speaker 1: my mom. Years later, we were having some great conversations
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  Speaker 1: later in her life, and I said, you know, help
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  Speaker 1: me to understand what was the goal of you always
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  Speaker 1: share with me that I was the shy child. And
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  Speaker 1: she said, well, what do you mean you were? And
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  Speaker 1: I said, yes, yeah, sure I was. But what was
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  Speaker 1: the value in introducing me as this shy child? And
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  Speaker 1: she said, well you were, and I said yes, yes,
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  Speaker 1: And I'm truly asking you what was the value in
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  Speaker 1: introducing me as a shy child to everyone? And she
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  Speaker 1: stopped and she looked at me, and she goes, oh,
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  Speaker 1: my gosh, Oh my gosh, what did I do? And
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  Speaker 1: I said, mom, I'm not here to judge you. That's
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  Speaker 1: my that's not where everyon this conversation. I'm just seeking understanding.
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  Speaker 1: I'm not here a judge. I want to understand. And
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  Speaker 1: she goes, oh, my gosh. I didn't realize it. I
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  Speaker 1: described you, but I didn't even think about the consequences
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  Speaker 1: of describing that way someone that way. And so I
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  Speaker 1: was described as a shy child by my parents, and
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  Speaker 1: so as a child, I exemplified that behavior because when
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  Speaker 1: your parents tell you this is who you are, there's
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  Speaker 1: a reason why the questions do you own it or not?
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  Speaker 1: And as a child, what I did was I started
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  Speaker 1: to own that shy behavior. And the challenge was as
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  Speaker 1: a shy kid, there were some opportunities, There were some
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  Speaker 1: cool things about it. Oftentimes people didn't bother me. That's
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  Speaker 1: a positive being a shy kid. People don't bother you. Oh,
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  Speaker 1: don't talk to him. He doesn't talk to anybody. You
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  Speaker 1: get to do your own thing and people are okay
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  Speaker 1: with it. Right. People don't really ask you what's wrong
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  Speaker 1: with that kid? All? That kid's always like that, he's
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  Speaker 1: a shy kid. Benefit of being the shy kid. On
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  Speaker 1: the flip side, the part that most of you are
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  Speaker 1: thinking about the shy kid. Yet they didn't get asked
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  Speaker 1: to go beyond the team. They didn't get to be
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  Speaker 1: part of the club, they didn't get invite to the parties,
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  Speaker 1: they didn't get the pretty girl to dance with them
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  Speaker 1: at the school dance because the shy kid never got
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  Speaker 1: up and asked anybody anything. Right, so we all know
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  Speaker 1: what happened there. Well. The challenge is, at some point
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  Speaker 1: in time in your life, you realize you don't want
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  Speaker 1: to be the shy kid anymore, and you might be
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  Speaker 1: stuck with it. You like you want to overcome it.
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  Speaker 1: And beautiful thing about it is. Dale Carnegie said, well,
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  Speaker 1: you know the quickest way to overcome being the shy kid,
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  Speaker 1: it's actually counterintuitive. He said, the best way in all
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  Speaker 1: the world to overcome self consciousness and shyness is to
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  Speaker 1: get interested in other people and to think of them
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  Speaker 1: and almost every in every way almost and if you do,
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  Speaker 1: if you think about them and become genuine interested in them,
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  Speaker 1: you will start to overcome your timidity and your shyness.
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  Speaker 1: And it's interesting how it works. So he went on
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  Speaker 1: to say, you should probably try to do something for
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  Speaker 1: other people, practice deeds of kindness, acts of friendliness, and
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  Speaker 1: you'll be surprised to see what happens as you overcome
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  Speaker 1: your shyness. So these are things I started to do
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  Speaker 1: in my teenage years and I realized, yeah, Dale Carnegie's
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  Speaker 1: got it. He's right. You have to take action and
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  Speaker 1: you have to put yourself out there. People are not
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  Speaker 1: going to come to you, and if they do, cool,
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  Speaker 1: but they're far and few between. So my challenge for you,
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  Speaker 1: my friend today, if you were that shy kid, or
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  Speaker 1: maybe today you're still a bit timid, do what Dale
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  Speaker 1: Carnegie challenged us to do to overcome it and become
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  Speaker 1: genuinely interested in other people. And when you do that,
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  Speaker 1: you'll start to be fascinated by other people. Some of
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  Speaker 1: the questions I learned to ask over the years are
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  Speaker 1: what are you proud of? Ask a person that what
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  Speaker 1: are they proud of? What do they take pride in?
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  Speaker 1: What are some of the things you're really good at
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  Speaker 1: that you've learned you're really good at in life? And
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  Speaker 1: ask them what's one of the greatest lessons that life
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  Speaker 1: has taught you. And when you start asking questions like this,
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  Speaker 1: people will start to open up. Because here's a pro tip.
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  Speaker 1: People like to talk about themselves and things they're interested in.
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  Speaker 1: So if you can ask questions revolving around that, you'll
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  Speaker 1: be connected and in turn overcome your shyness that go
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  Speaker 1: make it happen.