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How A Small Mindset Shift Changed My Life · The Inspired Speaker Network

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Hey everybody, are you having a great day?
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Yes!
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Oh no, you're not?
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It's okay, I got you.
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I'm Tif Loeffler, welcome to Positively Yours.
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I'm gonna share Tif's tips, techniques,
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and a little bit of magic to help you up level
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and have a great day every day.
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Are you ready to get started?
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Yeah!
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Oh, you're not?
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That's okay, I still got you.
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Let's go.
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Hi everybody, I am Tif Loeffler, Positively Yours,
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and I am so excited to be in this podcast.
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It's my podcast.
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I didn't think that that would ever happen.
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I tried before, and now it's happening,
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and that is part of what I wanna share with you today.
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A little bit of who I am, where I've been,
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and where I'm going, and why I am so excited
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to have a great day.
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Because having a great day is a really cool thing.
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And I don't know if we give too much conscious thought
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of today I will have a great day.
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So I'm gonna jump right in and say,
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how do you have a great day?
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I'm gonna give you one tip.
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Yeah, plan the night before.
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Wait, if we're talking about the day,
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actually, yes, I think planning is fantastic because,
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there is a saying, I've tweaked it a little bit,
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we don't get what we want, we don't get what we deserve,
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we get what we expect.
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And I've heard a variation of this,
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and I tweaked it a little because, you know what?
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We don't deserve to have suffering,
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and horrible things happen to us,
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and to have horrible days.
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Okay, even if you think you do, you don't.
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And we want things.
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But isn't it interesting,
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that there are expectations we place upon ourselves.
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And a lot of it is subconscious.
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And also, what about that conscious part?
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What about that consciousness?
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What about that awesome,
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I'm here in the present moment with you, let's do this.
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Yes, so if I set the expectation,
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the night before, that when I wake up in the morning,
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I shall have a great day,
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I feel that that is a very good thing.
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And it can be as complex or as simple as you like.
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If you wanna write down a whole bunch of things,
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I think that's a marvelous idea.
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I don't always, but even if the only thing you do,
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as you're falling asleep, say to yourself,
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oh, I am having a wonderful night's sleep,
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and when I wake up, I am having a great day.
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You keep doing that, I cannot tell you
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how that can change your life,
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and change it a lot sooner than you think.
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And I'm all about changing people's lives for the better,
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up level.
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I think that, well, I feel in my heart,
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that when you have a great day,
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you are not only celebrating being here
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in the present moment,
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but this is a celebration for other people.
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Because you know what?
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Everybody's out there living their lives,
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and you don't know the battles that they're fighting.
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I've heard that too.
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And then I thought, but what about the celebrations?
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You don't know that there's something
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that maybe they just really wanna celebrate.
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And so maybe to say one of my favorite things to do
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to have a great day is to say hello to people,
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compliment them.
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I love saying hi to people.
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I find that it's a mixed bag.
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For the most part, people go, oh, hi, hey.
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A couple of people, you know,
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they'll give you the look like,
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why aren't you saying hi to me?
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As they walk by, it doesn't matter.
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You know what?
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I'm doing it for my own amusement,
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and I love saying hello.
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And I just love when I see someone,
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and for example, I love the top they're wearing.
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And just to say, hey, you look absolutely amazing.
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I love that top on you.
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Or, oh, your lipstick is perfect.
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And once in a while, if I'm able to,
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I just like to say, girl, 11 out of 10, no notes.
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You're fire.
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And just have someone go, oh my God, that's so amazing.
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I think I've always been like this.
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I grew up in a family of five.
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My mom, my dad, my two brothers, and me.
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My mom and dad have a lot of brothers and sisters.
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So I grew up in a huge family, and I loved it.
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I loved that there were cousins around all the time.
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There were so many celebrations for, you name it.
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I mean, just everything from a,
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let's get together for dinner,
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to all of the cool things.
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The birthday parties, the graduations,
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the new babies, the weddings, and yes, the funerals.
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And what I appreciate about my family's,
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both my mom and my dad's side,
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what I love is that I loved connecting with them.
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And I think connection is so important.
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And that's what I really like to bring
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as a connection to my clients.
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And I'll talk a little bit about
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what I like to help clients with in a bit.
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But I think it stems from the fact
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that I just loved connecting with people,
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sharing stories, having fun.
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And it doesn't always have to be a somber occasion
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for people to finally get together.
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I will say over the years, that has come to pass.
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And I am looking at how I can help people have a great day
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because, well, I don't know if you know,
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in 2020, a little something happened,
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and the world changed just a little bit.
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And yes, I'm doing my best to let you know
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I'm being sarcastic.
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Yeah, whole lot happened.
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And what were we gonna do?
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And some of us didn't have a job at the time.
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And there was that journey of reinvention,
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and it was a necessity.
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And there was a lot of fear.
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And that's another reason why I want people
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to have a great day is because if you lean into the love
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instead of the fear, that's where the power is.
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And that is another way to have a fantastic day
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is just lean into, I'm here right now, what can I do?
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So then I decided, well, what am I going to do?
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And there was this new industry to me
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that was called coaching.
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And I was like, oh, life coaching.
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And I knew a tiny bit about it
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because my best friend, Terry, with an I,
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she saw that I was struggling and she said,
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look, I don't know if you would like to do this,
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but I have a friend who's a life coach
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and I think you should talk to her
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and she might be able to help you out.
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And because she's my bestie, I'm like, okay, cool.
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And her name is Grit.
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And I really do appreciate that I got to connect with her.
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And she did help me through some things.
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Now, I also want to let people know,
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look, I would love to put on the persona
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that I'm absolutely perfect and I do everything,
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just to the best of my ability.
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There was a time where I got to a point
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where I actually ghosted her
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and I didn't know what ghosting was at that time.
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And I so appreciate that I get to call her back
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at one point and say, you know what?
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I just want to let you know,
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I'm working on coaching and consulting and all these things.
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And she said, oh, thank you for getting back.
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I wondered what had happened to you.
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And I said, I am so sorry.
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I was so sad.
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And I'll say it, I was depressed, I was sad.
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I just didn't feel like my life.
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And I just was too embarrassed to talk to you.
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And I'm really appreciative
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that I was able to have that conversation with her.
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And if I could say that that's another,
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I wasn't sure I was gonna throw out all of these tips
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for having a great day right away.
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But what I love is it just, hey, it pops in my head.
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Let's run with it.
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It's okay to be who you are all the time.
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It really is.
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And I'm tearing up a little bit
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because I know so many of us, myself included,
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just think, God, I'm just not enough.
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And it causes us to disconnect from people.
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And to have a great day requires connection.
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It requires for you to connect with your own heart.
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And it also requires,
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and I mean this in the best beautiful way,
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no matter how much
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or how little you like hanging out with people,
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connection is essential for our human experience.
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What can I say?
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The people's thing.
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I appreciate so much that I can connect with someone.
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Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't.
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But I just wanna also let you know,
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if there's a time where you feel,
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boy, I really dropped the ball with this.
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You can pick it up again.
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Maybe it's dusty, dirty, grimy.
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I don't care what it looks like.
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You can pick it up again and go and say to the person,
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hi, here I am.
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And I get it now.
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And I love the reaction of people.
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It's amazing.
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For a bit of hyperbole, I've never had someone go,
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whatever, maybe the response is nothing.
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Okay, well, there you have your response.
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You did your part.
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You can't be responsible for anybody else except yourself.
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And I am really learning that this year, especially.
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You are responsible for you.
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You have control over you.
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That's what you need to know.
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I want you to know that.
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And you're amazing.
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So there you go.
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It's great.
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Now, to the story of me getting into a coaching industry,
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I was very excited.
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I knew nothing.
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I had no job, no clients, no money.
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I mean, this is nothing.
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But I did take a couple of courses.
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And it was very amazing, the energy, the space,
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the environment of all these people.
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And we're all trying to do the same thing.
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And you know what I loved about it?
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Of course, yes, there's always gonna be competition.
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There's always gonna be, I wanna be the best.
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Look at me.
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And yet there was this underlying energy of,
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there's enough for all of us.
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And so that's what I also wanna let you know.
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There's enough for all of us.
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This podcast that I am currently creating
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is a manifestation of a desire.
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And I think that is so cool.
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And it's a positive one.
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And there are times where I have thought,
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can it continue to be good, much less great?
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And I gotta let you know, here's the crazy part.
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Now we all think, oh man,
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something's never gonna get the way I want it.
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And then when it gets the way I want it,
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well, is it gonna stay that way?
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Look, change happens all the time.
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And I admit, as part of my journey,
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I have learned that change truly is a good thing.
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When I've gone through the past few years,
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I will admit I did my best.
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But in trying to figure out how best to help people,
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I decided not to help myself,
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aside from listening to people who said,
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don't worry, I'll take care of it.
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And transactions were made, results not given.
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And you know what?
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That really threw me for a loop
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to the point of almost becoming a hermit and just hiding.
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I can't even say it was cocooning.
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I was just hiding.
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It was the definite, my head's under the covers,
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days on end.
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And the only advice I was getting was,
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you should maybe just keep your head under the covers
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because we don't know what to do with you
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because you seem pretty sad.
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And what I think is so gratifying to me
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is when I connect with my clients,
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whenever I hear them say something like,
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you know, I've never really had someone
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care about me this much before.
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And I just think, oh my God, are you serious?
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Like, what?
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How could this be?
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And you know what?
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We need that in our lives.
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We need people to care about us so much.
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And another thing that I've discovered in helping clients,
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and I think this is very interesting,
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and it's about the mind-body connection.
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I thought that I was helping people with their mindset.
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And if I am, a bonus to that is helping people
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be fully present in their bodies.
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And when they're in pain,
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to help them process through it as best they can
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on a conscious level and that they are able
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to experience relief on the other side.
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And sometimes that happens pretty quickly.
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And that to me is just,
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and I love having those moments.
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I love the, you know, mind explosions
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and the mic drops and all the things.
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And I love learning information.
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And so if there's a silver lining
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to this journey I've been on of coaching
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and consulting and being a guide,
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and I went through some very, very low valleys.
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I was in a forest so thick,
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I couldn't, I did not know where I was.
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But throughout, I had the support
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of people who believed in me.
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And have you ever had that where people say,
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just lean on my belief?
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It's taken me so long to figure that out.
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And what I've discovered just very recently on a new level,
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which I'm excited about, is it's about energy.
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And you might hear that from a lot of different people.
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And I get that, it's all about energy, intellectually.
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But now I'm feeling it because when I say to someone,
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I believe in you, I am your cheerleader,
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we're gonna get this done, it's gonna happen.
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When people said that to me, I thought,
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yeah, but my energy level is so low on this.
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I am so drained, I'm beat down, I'm overwhelmed,
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I'm burnt out, it's impossible.
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And I've just now realized that,
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see, that's my energy over here.
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But their energy over here for me is all up here,
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and it's big and powerful and bright and shiny,
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and it's not going anywhere,
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and it's getting fed from a different source
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than from where I was coming from.
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So I'm saying that to you because it's one of my,
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if you wanna say core beliefs,
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that there is this energy about connecting with each other
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and being together and supporting each other.
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And now I feel it stronger than ever
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that we are here on the planet
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to have fun and get things done.
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We are here to celebrate.
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Yes, we're gonna learn lessons.
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We're up for adventure.
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I love the thought of, we're here to have adventures in life.
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We're here to have adventures.
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We're here to have experiences.
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We are here to learn things.
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And also, I was gonna say but,
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I was gonna talk about a but.
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I'm gonna go with and also.
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I get that there are certain ways of thinking
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that things are destined to be a certain way
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or that everything happens for a reason.
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I'm just telling you right now, once in a while,
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I would like to say something about that
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that I probably shouldn't say out of my mouth
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out loud to them.
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But I'll say it to you.
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If you believe that, that's fine.
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And for the vast majority of things,
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sure, everything happens for a reason.
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But you know what?
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I truly believe that when we came down here,
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I don't care what we thought we were signing up for,
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it turned into the wild, wild west, okay?
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It turned into, I don't know what's going on.
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I signed up for this.
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Are you kidding me?
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And really?
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And the trap could be that now I have to think that way.
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And now that's going to limit me.
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And I say, no, there you go.
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No, it's not limiting you.
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And I know sometimes people say,
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well, you have endless possibilities.
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Sometimes that could be overwhelming.
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Maybe we don't have the endless possibilities
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in the sense that we can snap our fingers
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and everything happens instantaneously.
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I mean, I think that would be so fun.
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Snap my fingers.
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I'm an Olympic gold medalist skater.
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Snap my fingers.
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I'm a supermodel.
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Snap my fingers.
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I'm a multi-billionaire.
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Snap my fingers.
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I don't know.
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I'm like a mom and I have like three kids of my own.
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And cool, you know what?
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That's not in the cards for me at this time.
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I'm not blessed with my own children,
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but I am so blessed with my family's kids.
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And that is another, I just love kids.
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I just love children.
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I love babies.
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I love toddlers.
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I love when their kids are going to kindergarten,
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that crazy middle school time, that high school time,
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because I've been surrounded with it my whole life.
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And I love that when you talk to a child
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and Fred Rogers is one of my idols,
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what can I tell you?
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I love that he never treated anyone,
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no matter their age, no matter their experience
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with anything less than the utmost respect and love.
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And that's what I aspire to do as well.
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And I love playtime.
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I love toys.
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I've always loved toys.
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I love to create toys, design, share them.
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I love playing with little kids.
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I find it fascinating.
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And I wanted to tie this into play
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because when we're little kids, play is our work.
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It's important to us.
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Why is it that when we grow up,
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we're not playing anymore?
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Maybe it's just by accident.
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I mean, you could choose to do some activities
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and when you're having a great day, you're in play.
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You just are.
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And even if you're working,
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even no matter what you're doing,
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for the vast majority of it, the greatness of it,
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there might be a few exceptions, exceptions to rules.
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And also, I love the idea of play.
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Play as a means to learn and have adventures
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and experiences and have fun
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and get things done and be with people.
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There you go.
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That's why we're here.
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So that's kind of my philosophy.
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We were not here put on this earth
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to put ourselves through horrible circumstances
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in order to try to understand something.
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If that's how you feel,
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I only say good luck
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because that's what I would say to myself.
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But I also know, guess what?
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Life happens.
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Things get thrown at you.
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And I would never, ever want to disrespect someone
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for what they're feeling at that given time
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because I've been there.
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I have been through some horrible things
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these past few years, things that I truly,
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oh, it's hard to say without crying.
19:13
So we might save that for another episode.
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But things that, even if I could conceptualize
19:18
them happening, I don't know how I would have lived
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through the day.
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And I know that for all of us,
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we're gonna have moments like that.
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And this is where I wanna pause
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and just lean in a little bit and say,
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I understand that.
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And I'm so sorry.
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And I love you.
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And I know I can tell you something like,
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you got it in you.
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You got this.
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Just keep going.
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And sometimes it's not enough.
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And I know that too.
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And all I want you to know in your heart
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is that you deserve, and I'll use deserve here
19:54
because I also love words.
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I really love words.
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I love playing with words.
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You deserve support throughout your entire life.
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However you need that support, you deserve that.
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Go get that support.
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Lean into it because the energy level
20:07
of the people supporting you is there for you right now.
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And it's a lot different than this energy
20:13
you're feeling right now.
20:14
And I wanna give you that for some comfort.
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And maybe that's one more thing
20:18
I wanna talk about this whole,
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oh, you have to be uncomfortable in order to get somewhere.
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And that's the only way I understand
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intellectually, conceptually,
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but also I've seen a lot of people say to someone,
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well, if you're gonna be uncomfortable,
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you gotta be really uncomfortable.
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In fact, you have to go from here, way back here.
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You gotta go all the way over here
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and you gotta do it right now.
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And isn't that fun?
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Isn't that great?
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You're gonna have this result.
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No, because I'm not only just wading into a pool.
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I have now been thrown to the middle of the ocean
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without a life vest or life preserver
20:51
and I can only dog paddle and I see nothing.
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You know, I feel there's a different way.
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What I feel is when I help people,
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when I support people, I want to give them the power
21:06
to see that they can expand who they are
21:09
and they can grow into a new level.
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And yes, there will be parts of that
21:15
that are uncomfortable.
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I also love the word discomfort
21:18
in the sense that I love words like uncomfortable,
21:21
comfortable, discomfort, comfort,
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because in our world, we do need some of both
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because it gives us a perspective.
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But I find it a little atrocious
21:37
that people are continually telling others
21:40
that they need to be in this discomfort
21:43
and uncomfortableness all the time
21:45
and that's the only way.
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And if they don't, there's something wrong with them.
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And I feel there is a different way.
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I feel that through a lens of playing
21:57
and enjoying ourselves and connecting with people,
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we have created this container
22:03
that gives us a chance to expand our energy
22:09
and expand our energy in a permanent way.
22:11
So again, I'm not, I would love to say something like,
22:14
I'm an energetic healer, but I do love energy
22:17
and I love the concepts and I do love
22:20
if there is a way that I can help you
22:24
feel good in your heart, feel good about yourself,
22:27
help you heal whatever you feel needs healing
22:30
because I could tell you, there's nothing wrong with you.
22:34
There's everything right with you.
22:38
That could land differently on a different day.
22:41
So now, what about that great day?
22:45
So I just love the thought of,
22:47
how can I help people have a great day?
22:50
And there's so many different ways
22:51
and I've explained a few of them.
22:53
And ultimately what I love about a great day,
22:56
it's what you make of it.
22:57
So that's why I'm on this journey with this podcast
22:59
and helping my clients is that, you know what?
23:03
We're gonna figure this out together,
23:04
but it's about you for you.
23:07
This is not about what I think is best.
23:10
I can offer you some of what I have in my heart,
23:13
but don't let anybody ever tell you,
23:16
well, this is what you have to think and do
23:17
because look at me and this is how I did it.
23:22
How is that serving us?
23:25
And remember, you are here to do what's best for you
23:29
because you're a person of integrity.
23:31
I absolutely know that that would be best
23:33
for everyone else too.
23:35
And so that's what we're gonna dive into.
23:37
Ways to have a great day, connecting with people
23:40
and just being present in the love of the present moment
23:44
because I love that saying that,
23:46
the present moment is a gift.
23:48
It really is.
23:49
And you get to open that gift every single day
23:51
that you wake up.
23:53
And I was so excited to wake up today
23:54
and have this great gift of this podcast
23:57
that, oh my gosh, it's finally happened.
24:00
And I am so excited.
24:01
And it's just one part of this emerging
24:05
new identity for myself.
24:07
And so to wrap it up just for today,
24:10
the fun part about this new chapter in my life
24:14
is that I'm starting fresh, but I'm not starting over.
24:20
I don't want any of us to dismiss the past experiences
24:23
that we've had.
24:25
And as best that you can build from that,
24:28
take what you need and do your best to let go of the rest
24:32
because if it doesn't serve you, it's not for you.
24:35
And that's okay.
24:36
But I also want you to know that
24:38
you get to take all these experiences with you
24:40
so that when you have these highs
24:42
and everything's going great, yes.
24:43
But when things are going down
24:45
and you have to come back up,
24:47
you're not coming back from zero.
24:48
You're never coming back from zero.
24:50
You're coming back from, if I wanna say infinity,
24:52
you're coming back from infinity
24:54
because you're already everything.
24:56
And I love having you here.
24:58
And I can't wait to talk about other things
25:01
in the next podcast.
25:02
So I'm really glad that you joined me today
25:05
and learned just a little bit of
25:07
what I think about the world and having a great day.