Latest / Girl, Date the Good Guy ™ | Healing After Heartbreak & A Toxic Relationship / Christian Dating Red Flags: 6 Signs His Character Doesn’t Match His Faith

Transcript

Christian Dating Red Flags: 6 Signs His Character Doesn’t Match His Faith · Girl, Date the Good Guy ™ | Healing After Heartbreak & A Toxic Relationship

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  Says, not every man who quotes scripture is surrendered to it.
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  Not every man who says God first is spirit led.
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  Some men look like the real thing, but when pressure hits, the fruit exposes the counterfeit.
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  Today we're talking about the Christian counterfeit, because many change the
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  presentation, but the real thing always stays the same.
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  If you're done chasing broken love, empty promises and lukewarm men,
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  and you're finally ready to reclaim your crown, heal your heart,
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  and attract the God-led love you were always meant for, you're in the right place.
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  Hi, I'm Emily Jordan, your faith-based healed feminine guide and relationship coach.
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  I went from repeating the same heartbreaking cycles to experiencing a godly, healthy, aligned love.
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  And now I help women just like you heal, rise, and prepare for God's very best.
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  So are you ready to begin your royal training?
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  Grab your crown, your heart, and your journal. Your royal transformation begins now.
• 1:08
  Hey sis, before we get into today's episode, I just want to remind you,
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  you were never meant to fight for your heart alone.
• 1:15
  If you're ready for real healing, God-led growth, and safe sisterhood,
• 1:20
  I want to invite you into the Royal Guard, our private Facebook community.
• 1:25
  This is your covering, your training ground, and your sacred sisterhood,
• 1:30
  where we're protecting our peace, raising our standards, and learning how to
• 1:35
  set and honor God-led boundaries together.
• 1:38
  If your heart is craving support and alignment, come join us inside the Royal Guard on Facebook.
• 1:44
  The link is below in the show notes. I'll see you there.
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  Hey, sis. Welcome back to another episode of Girl Date the Good Guy. It's your girl, Emily.
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  We have been discussing discernment this week. Yesterday's episode was on discernment.
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  Today's episode is going to be on discernment because I really want you guys
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  to pick up what I'm putting down. You know what I mean?
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  And today we're not diagnosing. We're discerning.
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  Because the Bible already warns us, and here it is, says again,
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  Matthew 7, 16, you will recognize them by their fruits.
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  I cannot express to you how important this is to know someone by their fruit.
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  This is why we don't rush into relationships. You know, this is why we take our time.
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  It's a slow burn because it takes time for fruit to reveal itself. Here's the truth.
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  The devil knows scripture.
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  Performance is easy. Character is costly. So today we are walking through six
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  biblical red flags that reveal when ego is leading, not the spirit.
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  Number one, how he responds to intimacy.
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  We're not talking about bedroom intimacy. We're talking about connection, real intimacy.
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  Like sharing your heart, sharing your hurt, building trust, being known.
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  A counterfeit cannot handle deep connection.
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  When you open up, he may deflect, minimize, make it about him,
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  shut down, change the subject. Why?
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  Because vulnerability requires humility.
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  And James 5.16 talks about confession and healing.
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  Healthy people lean into mutual openness.
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  So why does this matter? Because if he cannot handle emotional intimacy,
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  he cannot handle covenant.
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  He cannot handle it.
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  Let's be real. The takeaway is a God-led man builds connection and a prideful man avoids exposure.
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  Number two, how he responds to correction. Thank you.
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  This one's important. This one's really important.
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  Constructive feedback is normal in healthy relationships.
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  But when you bring something up, does he perceive it as an attack,
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  flip it back on you, turn into the victim, leave you apologizing when you did nothing wrong?
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  Proverbs 12.1 says this, Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
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  but whoever hates correction is stupid.
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  Strong word, but clear. The ego cannot tolerate criticism.
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  The spirit produces humility.
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  And why does this matter? Because if he can dish it out but can't take it, that is immaturity.
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  Your takeaway is, if he cannot be corrected, he cannot be trusted with your
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  heart. And I want to add this.
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  When I mean correcting, I mean correcting with love.
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  You're able to have a normal, healthy conversation expressing something that
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  maybe he has done or that he does that you feel he could work on or that you have concerns about.
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  And he's able to come back in a healthy way and respond.
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  It's a healthy dialogue, and you're both able to give constructive criticism to each other.
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  Not yelling, not screaming, none of that.
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  Healthy, calm. Everybody's calm here.
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  You might get a little bit, you know, agitated a little bit,
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  but nobody's screaming or yelling or calling names.
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  Because the truth is, real intimacy with someone that you love,
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  that you truly love, that both of your hearts are turned towards God,
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  you don't want to hurt one another with ugly words or yelling or screaming.
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  It should be a healthy, beautiful, calm connection.
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  Number three, pride dominates his conversations.
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  So pay attention to his language. Is it always me, my, I?
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  Does he constantly need admiration?
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  Does he need you impressed? Does he talk about his accomplishments nonstop, but dismiss yours?
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  Healthy people celebrate your wins
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  and philippians 2 3 says
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  do nothing from selfish ambition and humility
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  count others more significant than yourselves a spirit-led man makes room for
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  mutual dialogue come on sis and why does this matter because pride suffocates
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  partnership and the takeaway is if his ego fills the room, there's no space for you in it.
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  Number four, how he responds to your needs.
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  Does he ask how you're doing, follow up on previous conversations,
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  show real compassion, or does everything revolve around him?
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  Scripture calls us to put others first, Just like we said, Philippians 2.4.
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  Counterfeit empathy sounds good, but feels empty. You can dote on him, support him, serve him.
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  He will take advantage, grow annoyed, feel entitled, never truly appreciate it.
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  And I just want to add this real quick about getting annoyed.
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  My boyfriend gets annoyed with me. Believe me, sometimes I have to talk about
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  the same thing two or three times, and he'll be like, oh, Emily, you know, but that's it.
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  And then we continue discussing whatever the subject is that we need to discuss
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  or that I'm wanting to discuss with him.
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  And so when I say getting annoyed, like he gets so annoyed that you just don't
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  even want to finish the conversation. Okay?
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  So if, you know, he's feeling entitled, if he never truly appreciates you doting
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  on him and supporting and serving him,
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  like my guy's always telling me thank you and how much he appreciates me and
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  how thankful he is to have me in his life because of our true connection, our healthy,
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  loving connection that we have and how much I support him and lift him up and love him, okay?
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  So, because most of the time, toxic people, if they're giving,
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  is often because they have a motive, all right?
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  So you really have to watch their actions, right?
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  So why does it matter? A God-led man values equality, compassion,
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  and care. They really do, sis.
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  These other toxic guys, they don't. There's a motive behind it.
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  Their heart's not right.
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  Run. Run, sis, run. Anyway, so your takeaway is, if your needs always come second,
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  that is not Christ-like love, sis. He should be concerned about you and your needs and what you need.
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  You really are that important. Don't forget that.
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  Number five, accountability is impossible.
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  He cannot be held accountable. He cannot be responsible.
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  He cannot be held responsible. He plays the blame game.
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  Every failure, your fault. Every conflict, your fault. Every issue, your tone. Come on, sis.
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  A guy should be able to have a conversation with you. If you're a little upset and you're crying.
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  You know, he should want to fix that for you because you're hurting,
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  not like blame you for everything. It's your fault.
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  Everything's your fault, right? Like, no.
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  Like, it's okay to have a conflict. It's okay to have an issue.
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  He should want to hear you and love you through that, okay?
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  The other thing is there's no repentance no ownership
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  no i was wrong so if a
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  guy cannot say he's sorry or repent
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  and when i say repent meaning
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  saying he's sorry to you and genuinely meaning
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  that like i take ownership of what i just did and i am sorry i was wrong run
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  because no ma'am not today sir right because scripture calls believers to humility and repentance.
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  A counterfeit will weaponize guilt and shame to always regain control.
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  All right, so why does this matter? Because without accountability, there is no growth.
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  And your takeaway is, if he never takes responsibility, he will never change this.
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  Because it's first being able to own up to your own stuff.
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  I messed up. I did this. I want to make this right. Okay?
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  All right, number six. the biggest clue. You ready? This is the biggest clue, sis.
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  Instability. You never get the same person twice. His mood shifts.
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  His energy shifts. The ground is constantly moving.
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  One day warm, next day cold. You start people-pleasing to avoid triggering him.
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  You become anxious and,
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  That is not peace. God is not unstable, okay? The fruit of the Spirit includes self-control.
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  Galatians 5, 22 through 23. If he studies your pain points just to trigger you, that is manipulation.
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  If he provokes you until you react, then sits back calmly and says,
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  see, you're the crazy one, that is not leadership.
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  That is control, straight up.
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  So why does this matter? because instability keeps you off balance so he stays in control.
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  My guy, consistent all the time.
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  You know, I mean, there's days and weekends where he's really tired,
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  and I get it, and he works a lot, but he's never mean or moody or hateful towards me ever, you know?
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  So there are times where he's really happy.
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  He's in a great mood, but we all have those things. What I'm talking about is
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  the type of person where you literally feel like you're walking on eggshells,
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  like you don't know what you're going to get from this person one day to the next.
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  Right. It's got to be healthy. Right.
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  So your takeaway is if you never feel secure, something is spiritually off.
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  Now for your royal reflection. Sis, when you bring your heart,
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  your needs, your correction, or your boundaries, does he respond with humility and stability?
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  Or ego and instability?
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  Does his confession of Christ match his character under pressure?
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  Fruit is revealed in conflict, not compliments.
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  So so give some criticism some
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  constructive criticism with love and see how
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  he reacts and i always when i come to my honey i'm always
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  like honey can we talk about something you know
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  and then i will address it and he listens and then
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  we work through it sis if this episode gave
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  you clarity don't ignore it share it with another sister who
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  keeps questioning her intuition don't forget
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  to subscribe so you don't miss an episode and come
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  join us in the royal guard our private facebook community the
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  link is in the show notes ladies we
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  are done entertaining counterfeits we are
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  preparing for covenant i love
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  you so much bye for now sis you
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  did that you showed up for your healing and that
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  is royal energy if this episode challenged
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  you grew you or called you higher share it with
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  another sister who's ready to reclaim her crown too and if you've got 30 seconds
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  until next time keep your crown on your standards high and your heart in royal alignment.