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Special Agent Mom: Missy Peregrym · Inside The Moms Club

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Hi, Welcome to inside the Mom's Club, where being a mom is the
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coolest place to be. Here in the Mom's Club, we believe that what
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embarrasses you now will make a great story later. And let's face it,
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you don't laugh sometimes you're gonna cry. Join us in having a good laugh
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together. I'm Monica Samuels. You are now inside the Mom's Club, your
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private destination for all things mom say. Run. Hi, moms, Welcome
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to the Inside the Mom's Club. I'm your host, Monica Samuels, and
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I'm here with my co host, Julie or Hey, Julie, it's so
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good to see you. It's good to see you because you know, we
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are back in our studio in Los Angeles and we've been gone for a couple
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of months because we did a live show, oh in Austin. We're gonna
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We're going live on the road. So we did our first one in our
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hometown of Austin, Texas. It was huge. It was kind of for
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me and out of body experience the crowd and having the closest people I've known
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for a really long time be there. It was it was great. In
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fact, I promised my New Year's resolution everyone made me say that I would
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not use the word amazing at all this year because I use it all the
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time. But it really was amazing. So yeah, yeah, it was
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your time. You need to join us moms. It's really a lot of
1:30
fun. We're gonna do our next show in Dallas. We're looking forward to
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that. So and you can catch all these shows on our YouTube channel,
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which you need to subscribe. You get all your other mom friends to subscribe
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to our YouTube channel. So we are very excited. But because of that,
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we have not room together and like a couple of months. We usually
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share a hotel room when we go on the road and with just Special and
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we're good roommates together. But you know, Julie did tell me that she
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says she snores, and but I had permission to poke her if she stared,
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and I said, you know, I don't, You're fine whatever,
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And in truth, she's she didn't snore that bad. It is a low
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kiss, soft, consistent per right, So it's a yeah, a little
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bit bigger than that. So anyway, last night I couldn't sleep, and
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I couldn't sleep, and I even watched an episode. I watched the Puffy
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Shirt episode of Seinfelder, and I tried everything I think of to like go
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to sleep, and when someone's snoring and you're trying to sleep, at that
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point you're sort of like, okay, that is getting to be a little
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much. So I went over and I very politely poked her right, and
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then that did nothing, and then I poked her harder, and then I
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poked her a third time and it didn't do anything. I s were at
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the stage where you got a shake, and so you tell this on the
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air, is not going to be good for my dating life. No,
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I've got out there now. Very yeah, it's fine, Men of America,
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it's not. It's really very not. It's fine. It's fine.
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It's just if you have insomnia, that's going to be Yes, if you're
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insomniac, you might not want to marry jud Julie. But other than that,
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no, it's fine. So but you have also been busy because I
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haven't seen a lot of you because you were helping your parents move into independent
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living, right, they want you to say independent, not assisted, so
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they're not at that point. But it was a huge, huge ordeal.
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I mean, it's just a huge change all the way around, and you're
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trying to be positive and supportive and this is going to be great and you're
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gonna love it, you know. So I've been busy. I haven't seen
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you like you know. Well, when you told me the story of your
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dad first visiting the place, right, he's a character and he's he's a
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character. But what it dawned on me is he was an honest to goodness
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n CIS agent. Well that was his career. People don't know that in
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CIS is a real thing, you know, in this world. And so
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you know, he's around the old independent living you know, telling people,
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you know, what he did and his past life because that's what they talk
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about. But the kicker is is, even though he's an n CIS agent,
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his name is also Don Johnson. And it's really funny because he's short,
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he's portly like, so it's not matching all up. And then people
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think it's a joke, but no, my dad is Don Johnson n CIS
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agent. But you told me for real, he had a gun and he
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did drug busts and him all the time I ran into I mean, can
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you imagine having that person in your independent living you know, in your senior
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living center or whatever, listen, I got away with nothing. I was
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a teenager and I was totally afraid to like so it was CIS is a
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good thing and I love it. It's like having your mother as a lawyer,
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which is a whole other segment that my children have to deal with.
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Well, guess what, it's very exciting because there's We have a guest who
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is familiar with law enforcement because she is a star of the CBS hit series
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FBI, where she plays agent Maggie Bell. She began her career as a
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model and transition to acting. Is in an iconic role in the movie stick
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It and in the TV series Rookie Blue and Today Mom's Out There. She
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navigates the balancing act between being a successful artist and a dedicated mom. Please
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welcome, Missy Peregrim. Welcome to the Mom's Club. Missy, Oh thank
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you. I think you may argue with balancing, you know, is that
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really? Yeah? It wor Well, we want to get into all of
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that. So just to give you a little background. So when we found
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out we were going to be interviewing you, I shared it with my husband,
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who is a huge fan of the show, and he told me the
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whole story about your maternity leaves. He knew that CBS, like they'd say,
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put her on leave, and she, you know, she went on
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a leave and then she got poisoned by Sarah Gas. But he knew the
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whole thing. And I thought, this is good because it's a guy who
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actually runs a nice sized business seeing that CBS provided you with the maternity leaves,
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which is pretty cool. So can you tell us the story of how
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Agent Maggie Bell took a little time off? Yeah? Well, I mean,
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you know, I was down to play pregnant if they wanted me to.
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Ultimately, they decided that that might be a little bit rough for the
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viewers to know that I had a baby inside me and was doing all the
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things that I was doing. That's fine, I agree with that one.
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So so they poisoned me instead, and then I was off for six No,
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I don't even know, you guys. I worked up until five weeks
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of having a baby, and I was running around still wow, because I
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had never done this before, and I didn't know how to take care of
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myself, and there was this pressure that I felt to not let anybody down,
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and so I just pushed myself very far to handle it. When Otis
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was born. It was the night before New York shut down with a pandemic.
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Oh wow. And then then I went back to work the next season
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in the pandemic with a baby. I brought out us to work with me
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so I could breastfeed. Yeah, that was the first time. The second
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time was a little easier. What was the second time that you took time?
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Well, after that experience, I knew I wanted a homebirth, yea.
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I didn't want to be in a hospital again. And I just knew
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that I was going to do it my way after experiencing being pregnant, knowing
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my body. I mean, it felt like the first time because I did
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it so differently. The first time I had potocin without an epidural. I
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didn't know what I was saying. Yes too, I just was so afraid
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of the epidural. Yeah, and it was so painful, and I it
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was pretty traumatic, honestly. And then after that, I said I didn't
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want anything. I just wanted to be home and I had a water berth.
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I felt like I got all my power back the second time around with
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the midwife that I had. It was such a beautiful reconnect with myself and
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I had her in three and a half hours, and I climbed into bed
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and then Otis was able to join us three hours later and he woke up
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and I stayed home. I didn't go anywhere for a month. Yeah,
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I didn't home and I finally took me out. But I felt so cared
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for as a woman, you know, going through birth was really I wish
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every woman had it. Yeah, those midwives. As a nurse myself,
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I'm in awe of midwife that can really allow you to have that power back
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about you know, what's happening to your body, what we're going to go
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through, and it really is a mental thing that they can talk you through
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that you can actually have such an amazing experience such as a water birth.
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So thank you for sharing you. Yeah, that's very that is that is
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impressive. We also saw so you have the you have both children, then
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you have to go back to work. That's some point. And we did
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see the Instagram video of you sharing your your crying or sharing that you had
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cries leaving yourself. What was what was that like and what what was that
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like transitioning over to being the working mom. Yeah, it's well because for
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four years and four seasons. I kind of just was doing both things because
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I brought both kids to work with me so I could breastfeed and then i'd
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have a little bit of time off and then we'd go straight into another season.
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Because of the strike, I actually got to be home with both kids,
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and it was the first time that I was able to really pay attention
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to myself and go what do I need and how can I take care of
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myself, which is a very hard thing to do. I'm still struggling with
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it to not be pulled in both directions. But I was really nervous to
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go back to work. I'd finally found, I guess, a balance with
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my husband and with the kids, and I felt so good seeing every moment,
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Okaidna, I'm gonna cry. It's so beautiful to hear them say a
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word that I don't know what they're talking about. But then I realized what
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they're talking about. And it's all these little small moments that for the payoff,
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and I was scared to miss it. Yeah, I'm still trying to
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work it out going to work, and I kind of tried to tell the
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kids, especially Otis, because he gets upset that I'm at work. Miila
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is starting to get really cleany. She's a year and a half and holds
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on to me. You know, you're gonna try to put them down and
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they put their legs up. Yeah, that's happening. Well, you can
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talk about it your express Yeah, I'm sure. I wrote a book a
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few years ago and we interviewed one hundred women across the country. Because I
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had to make that decision, I decided to stay home. I was an
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attorney. I decided to stay home for a bit with my my second child
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because my first child, we thought we had it all worked out. So
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I had a nanny and I was national chair of an organization. I was
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at a big law firm. My husband's a consultant, and I remember one
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weekend the nanny we were talking about the schedule for the week and she said,
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do you realize that neither one of you were home this weekend? And
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I don't work weekends, And so it was it was a challenge to,
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you know, and to make sure that his needs were met. And one
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thing that they some shared with me is I would get in the car and
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cry and feel awful that I left him, And then the nanny would share
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with me well, five minutes after you left, he was fine. You
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know, I never knew if that was true, but I hope it's true.
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But it is hard, it is, It is really hard. So
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yeah, it's it's really difficult to there's so much shame you naturally feel for
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not being there. And at the same time, my husband's going to he's
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getting his master's in social work in New York here, and so I'm making
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the money. Yeah, so you're gonna get free therapy from him when he's
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done, You'll get free therapy from him about Yeah, the guilt, and
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so far, I'm like, I don't want to hear it. Yeah,
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it comes differently from the spouse, right, So but I will tell you
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this as a mom, that you the shame and the guild it. You
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can't help it, and the heart breaks over and over again. But as
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they get older, I can tell you that you know they running that single
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cleat when you put it in the bag and they somehow get to school with
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one cleat and then you're driving around. I mean, it's a whole different
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thing. So this process of motherhood when you're at this stage, moms need
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moms because you feel guilty and you're sad and you don't want to leave,
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but you want to work. But when you get older, you're like,
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oh my god, listen to what my kid did today. And then you
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need moms in a different way. Then you have your support group that helps
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you through the whole thing. Well, do you have a good support group
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of other moms, Like, do you have a group of friends that support
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you? And I have. I have some girlfriends, for sure, But
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it's been tough here too. I mean we don't have our families here,
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yeah, me and Tom. And also I have great friends at work,
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I mean truly that I can talk to. But you know, it kind
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of feels like a little bit of an independent walk, just with being a
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settle the time. Of course, we have a lot of people who have
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families, but I will say a lot of the a lot of the family
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people are the men who are at work and they have their wives at home.
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And obviously I've worked with some mothers and you know, there's one called
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a prop mom. She would make me food when I was pregnant and she
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still supports us so much. And so I've been I've been taken care of.
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You know. I just think it's one of these things that's a personal
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work anyway, It kind of doesn't really matter what anybody's gonna say to me
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at the end of the day. If I'm not careful what I'm saying to
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myself about it, hmm, I don't know that I'm going to really take
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in anybody else's opinion. And that's hard work to put down that stuff,
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you know, And I think that's the hardest part of it becoming a parent
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is you you start evaluating your own childhood, yeah, and what hurt you
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in your childhood, what you don't want to repeat, and then you realize,
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oh my god, my parents work twenty five with three children, right,
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how did they even do that? Right? You know, sending you
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have this new found respect for them, but you're like healing yourself, trying
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to teach kids how to be themselves. And you're like, I don't know
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what I'm talking I don't know what's doing I'm doing. You. Yeah,
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well, how do you guys handle this? What does it look like?
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I mean your parenting philosophy of you and Tom talked about it, of you
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know, obviously you can talk about it, and then you end up sometimes
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just winging it and does he pitched in a lot because that's a I think
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more husbands these days are helping, yes, whereas in the past that wasn't
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the case. Yes, I mean Tom has been amazing, I will say,
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because he's he was home and it made it easier the first year.
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You know, we also had to have a nanny because he was he was
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doing work and so he was busy the first the first year of Otis's life.
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But he was home right, so I felt like I could leave a
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little bit. I mean, it was still so hard to do that.
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And if I heard Otis crying in the background on the phone, boy,
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I was it was so hard not to just walk off set and be like
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I gotta go. Yeah, you know, your body reacts in a different
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way than your rational mind. But yeah, Tom has been very supportive,
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which I couldn't do this without him, you know, we're in It's funny
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think about what women had to do so that I could be here, so
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that I could work and have opportunity in my life career wise, and I'm
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doing that. I have a career. I have so many blessings because of
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it. But then I really understand women who stay home and were with their
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kids and how it's a blessing that you know their partner goes to work so
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that they can be fully in their body and in themselves and through the hormonal
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experience of the shifts of motherhood. And I think we're just constantly talking about
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that Parks. It's also hard for Tom not to be working all the time.
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He'd love to, sure, he's yeah, yeah, he had to
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go through a bit to be a dad at home. Oh, it was
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something that he had to navigate. And I'm having to navigate being the mom
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at work and also being you know, what do they need? And I
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think our parenting styles I don't even know what it is. Honestly, I
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think we are definitely in agreement that we don't spanker kids because I can't imagine
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a child like Otis crying, Amila crying, and I'm like, you know
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what you need right now? Yeah, yeah, because you're having a it's
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not the seventies seventies anymore. Yeah. Yeah. But there is a lot
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of people, there are moms at home where are like, oh my gosh,
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I would love to work. I would love to pursue this dream that
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you are actually getting to do. And I'm very familiar with your movie stick
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It, and that it's coming up on a special anniversary because I have daughters
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that were famously involved in gymnastics, and I had to buy all the American
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girl gymnastics equipment and everything like that. So I know that you are an
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athlete in your own right and that you love sports, and that you have
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a job as a role that you actually have to be very physical. And
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I know people are going to want to know what training do you go through?
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How do you learn how to hold that gun? Shoot that gun?
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Like to me, like this is personal. I think I miss my calling
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with the FBI, so we want to know what you go through to get
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there. I also worry about you when you're out assignment because I every time
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I see you, you don't You're the only one that have a helmet on.
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I'm like, I'm a mom. I mean I worried. I like,
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get that woman a helmet. She's why is she exposing herself like that?
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So? Yeah, what do you go what do you go through to
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prepare for your that role? Oh? For FBI? Yeah yeah, yeah,
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I nothing, I I show up. We're in a good spot at
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this point, you know. Truthfully, I was a cat for five seasons
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on our six seasons, I guess on rookie blue. So the transition was
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holding the gun and law enforcement stuff was not that hard. I grew up
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playing sports. I've always wanted to do roles where I was active because I
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knew that it takes so much of your time that there's no other way I'll
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be able to do that, right, And I struggle now doing that.
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I'm trying to figure out a way how to work out and take care of
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my body. The hours are so crazy, so I try to go to
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pilates if I can. Yeah, that feels good to me now. You
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know, when I was younger, everything was to be asked and hectic as
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possible. I'm actually going to play basketball tonight with the parents of my son's
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school for the first time in seven years. And is this your favorite sports
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used to be? Yeah, yeah, so we'll see. You know,
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I'm kind of the identity thing of also being a mother and getting back to
19:15
yourself and what does that mean? And I'm you know, I'm turning forty
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two in June. I'm not young, you know, I'm not old.
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I'm not nothing. I don't know what I am. I'm forty two.
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I'm here, and so I'm just going to work with what I got.
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But there's again that shift of what does matter to me and how can I
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take care of myself and how do I carve out that space? Yeah?
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Yeah, because you do need time. You need time for you too well.
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So because of your interest in sports. Now, I was the team
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mom for my son's baseball team, and I was I was just driving driven
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years. I say I was driven. I don't know how much he was,
19:48
but I was. What's wonder you know you love sports? Are you
19:52
going to be the sports mom? Or what if your you I know you
19:55
love sports. So what if your kids come up one day and say I
19:57
don't want to do I hate sports? I mean, are you looking ahead?
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Like what a because do you know what otis is at the age that
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if he's going to do soccer and this is my experiences in baseball, you
20:08
got to start right now. I'm just saying I'm being honest here. I
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asked the way of the world. So have you thought that far ahead?
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Like what's the next steps his school and sports? And Yeah, you cannot
20:23
push my kid around. He will tell you what he wants. I've put
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him in soccer hates it, no problem. So we get a basketball.
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You know, I definitely want that. It's because I want to share that
20:34
with him. Yeah, he looks like he's getting into dribbling because I got
20:37
him a small ball in the house. And so you know, I'm trying
20:40
to also be in the city, which scares me to have two young children
20:42
here, and I'm like, what can we do that we are in a
20:45
safe space in the city. That's that's something we can share together. I
20:49
didn't grow up catching snakes when I was a kid in ditches. Yeah,
20:55
you know, I had such a different childhood. So I'm trying to think
20:56
of the fun stuff. So, you know, he doesn't want to do
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it, he won't do it, but when he's ready to do something,
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he's one hundred percent, which I respect. So we got him a bike
21:04
a year ago and didn't want to ride it. Didn't want to ride it.
21:08
We took him out a month ago and he rode it a pedal bike.
21:12
First go oh wow, that's see. And now he just rides a
21:15
bike, so I go, okay. Yeah, you know, I'm learning
21:18
to trust him. And when he has that instinct and he's interested in something,
21:22
I go great. I want him to learn how to read music so
21:25
that he can pick any instrument he wants to. I want him to take
21:27
care of his body. And I think I think about this stuff all the
21:30
time because I want him to have opportunity. But I think ultimately, I
21:34
just want him to be able to have the confidence to express himself and say
21:38
what he needs. We're really working on deep breathing, yeah, regulating communications
21:45
and when we're having a hard time, and how to take space, yeah,
21:49
because that's stuff that I didn't have as a child. And ultimately,
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I'm waiting for him to tell me the things that he really likes, and
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I just ask the questions and I'll help guid him into that and if he
22:00
changes his mind, great, I look what I'm doing. I like the
22:04
theory that you have. Like really honestly, I have a sixteen year old
22:07
and a twenty one year old daughter and basically they're raising me. And you
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learn so much from your kids. It's incredible if you open up your mind
22:17
to what is what is going actually going on? So with my first child,
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big difference. Second one, you pick it, I'm going to follow
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and support you, and so you know what I mean. I think that
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that is really cool that you guys are working on that, because I always
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think that we can control free right, So I like to have things a
22:36
certain way, and my world's gotten loaned up. It has been so hard
22:40
for me personally because nothing's in order. Yes is not in order, nothing
22:45
goes my way. I have all these great plans and gu's what we're going
22:47
to do today. Yeah, we're gonna have ten meltdowns. Instead, we're
22:51
not gonna We're not going to be doing that yet. He's teaching me how
22:56
to be so flexible, which I used to have to say as a lie
23:00
to myself. In moments I'd be like, I'm so flexible, Oh my
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god, Well find it. Do you have what advice do you have for
23:08
other young moms out there? Do you have any things that other things that
23:11
you'd like to share that they can take note of. I I think they
23:18
really need to be kind to themselves. I think, honestly, everyone is
23:22
just really trying to do their best. Ye And I think if anything,
23:26
there's so much pressure and there's so much information out there, what you could
23:30
be doing better, what's right, what's wrong? It's to me that suffocates
23:34
me and I've you know, I get crushed by all the things I should
23:40
be doing according to people I don't even know you people, Yeah they've yeah,
23:45
I met, Yeah, yeah, you know. I don't have an
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Instagram full of amazing reels and photos and videos and time capsules. Again,
23:52
none of it, you know, and so and I sit here and feel
23:55
bad about it. But the truth is, I think the best thing you
24:00
can do, and I think I need to do this is what I'm trying
24:02
to do is just be present. So you keep it really small, Yeah,
24:06
keep it small and anything. Every time you get overwhelmed about something,
24:11
make the moment just about this moment. The rest of it always gets figured
24:15
out and you really can't control any of it anyway. Yeah, so stop,
24:19
I gotcha exactly. But I have something quick for you that i'd love
24:23
to ask because a lot of people know you as you know Maggie Bell,
24:26
because we attach ourselves to the character. But for Missy, I have three
24:32
things that I know people are gonna want to know New York or Lah.
24:36
Yeah, that's really tricky. I miss the beach just so much. Yay,
24:42
I'm a beach girl. Yeah. That being said, I love the
24:48
seasons in New York. Yeah, it's beautiful. I find New York highly
24:52
overstimulating, which has been hard for me. Yeah, but I love the
24:56
people here. Okay, I'm not going to make it sounds like a saying
25:00
New York. I know, I don't know. I mean, I'm not
25:02
gonna make you pick. But dogs are cats dogs. Oh yeah, we
25:07
we have a we have a doodle life going out of ear I'm sheep of
25:10
doodles, golden doodle or lab doodle. Excuse me and your golden right,
25:15
So we're all dog people. And you mentioned earlier your brain is full,
25:19
But I would say podcast are audio books. I don't do either of them
25:26
fair enough, I tell you. I can't even like, yeah, my
25:29
I put nothing in my ears. I don't listen to music. I don't
25:32
nothing because I golden. And yeah it sucks because Tom listens to stuff all
25:37
the time. And I'm like, that's nice, that's nice. That is
25:41
I just want to shower that. That's nice. I love everything that you've
25:45
shared because that's part of it. That's what the Moms Club is about.
25:48
You're sharing some great your feelings, your ideas, and that's amazing. Now
25:53
I want to ask you, and you don't have to weigh and if you
25:56
don't want to, because this is a very controversial subject lately, So if
26:00
you can say, you know, I don't want to way into that,
26:03
I totally get it. But you're Canadian. You you grew up in Vancouver,
26:07
Canada, the most beautiful place, one of my favorite cities anywhere.
26:11
And as you may know, Reese Witherspoon this last week ate snow or advocated
26:18
she made like she made something that was fun that was made out of snow.
26:22
I saw you interviewed where you said I believe that you used to pour
26:26
maple syrup on snow and make suckers out of it or something like. So
26:32
you you're as a Canadian and I've seen the Weather Channel up people are weighing
26:36
in on whether you should eat snow. So can you share with us your
26:40
thoughts? And like I said, if you feel this is too controversial,
26:42
you don't have to say anything. But I believe we can trust what you
26:45
have to say about eating snow. Guys, I just had the most interesting
26:52
experience last week when it was snowing here. I was I'm usually a huge
26:57
fan of eating snow. I don't really care about that. Go for it,
27:00
except when I was shoveling the walkwayst for like on our street, there
27:06
was so much p yeah, yeah, yeah, most of the snow unerneath
27:11
was yellow and I was so upset by that. And so then I had
27:15
to tell Otis he wasn't allowed to eat the snow unless he's like we were
27:18
taking it off. The sifting off the cars was the only way they eat
27:22
snow. Well, and so I'm gonna say, I'm still pro eat it.
27:27
Yeah, that's the worst thing you could do. Just don't pick it
27:30
off the sidewalk. I'm still wondering why this was even a thing. Well,
27:33
I don't understand why it's controversial. It's not what I thought you were
27:36
gonna. Well, yeah, I'm here for I don't understand either. But
27:38
she got a lot of hate for it, evidently, so I and you
27:41
know, we're from Texas, so we know number one, we know not
27:45
to yellow snow, so that's a given. Yeah, but also snow in
27:48
Texas is full of rocks and grass and yeah, so we kind of stay
27:52
away from it. But no, well, I appreciate you now, so
27:56
America, you have it on the advance a Canadian that's you know that you
28:02
will live and be fine if you eat that snuff. Eat it. We've
28:04
done so much worse. That's exactly You're exactly right. Well, Missy,
28:07
we have some amazing women here are Zoomer Moms who has some questions for you.
28:12
So welcome zuber Moms. Welcome to the Mom's Club. Well, I
28:22
will introduce each one and the first is actually a police detective, your self,
28:29
Donna, Welcome to the Mom's Club. Do you have a question for
28:32
Missy? I Hi, Donada, proto. I'm I have a nine year
28:37
old and a five year old. Of course I'm a law enforcement for my
28:42
question to you, and I have a deep appreciation for your roles, as
28:48
you know, portraying like strong female characters because we need to see them in
28:52
the world. But my question, I guess just being prepared, preparate,
28:56
prepared for under like longsement. You know, with the training, has your
29:03
outlook on life has it changed any any sense you've been training and preparing for
29:07
those roles. Yeah, you know, first of all, thank you for
29:15
your service. That's really incredible what you do. And I just want to
29:18
tell you that it's something that I've really thought about with my character. It
29:23
would be really. I think it's really important to show women in positions like
29:33
yours and also having family and having having their heart torn into in places I
29:40
think it's so difficult to go to work. I think my respect for women
29:45
in particular who do this job has gone through the roof, especially as a
29:49
mother. I I don't really know how you do that every day, and
29:56
I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeah,
30:00
definitely first responder. Thanks is huge. Yeah, absolutely, Heather,
30:06
Welcome to the Mom's Club. Do you tell us a little bit about yourself
30:10
and do you have a question for Missy I it's so nice to meet you.
30:14
I'm a fan for sure. Julie's daughter and I my son grew up
30:21
together. They're both juniors in high school. Yeah, they made it this
30:23
star. Her son was the only boy at my daughter's tenth birthday party.
30:27
So what's the stars like? Destination wedding plans? So I followed you on
30:38
Instagram the other day when Julie asked me to be on the show, and
30:41
I'm curious. You know, you talk about holding space for going back to
30:45
work and your family, and it's hard, especially when you know you have
30:49
a partner and they're busy too, and everybody's got a life. I mean,
30:52
what is your what do you find it? You know, after a
30:56
couple of days into this, like, what's your what's the reward's how is
31:00
that looking for you? You know? I think again, I have to
31:08
kind of make it really present, you know, because I can always I
31:12
can always be tired and I can always be overwhelmed in either position. I
31:18
try not to think about the future too much of the impact that I'm having,
31:22
because I think that's the thing that scares me about my kids and not
31:25
being here. I have this desire to want to be with them all the
31:27
time. By the way, it's so hard being with your kids all the
31:32
time, So let's be clear about that. It's so hard. It is
31:36
a break for me to go to work some days. The problem is that
31:37
when I'm at work, I'm still multitasking like crazy. I'm still getting all
31:41
the things for the house, arranging all of this stuff. My head is
31:45
just still with the family, and I'm trying to get better at that.
31:51
I think the hardest part for me is making space for myself and not feeling
31:55
bad about that. Everybody talks about it. It's like self care it's like,
31:59
ah, stop saying that like it's something you can just do. It's
32:02
not my whole heart and is conflicted. And I've cried a lot over this
32:08
of how do I make both things work and how do I not break?
32:14
Yeah, because that's a real thing that I've felt, and yeah, I
32:21
think I'm still finding my way through it. But the only thing I can
32:23
do is make it small and be really look at the good stuff. And
32:30
I'm not a wooy person of that's really great. I haven't very much like
32:36
this sucks and it's hard and I'm crying a lot, but there are really
32:40
great things. It's just not what everybody else sees. And so I'm taking
32:45
those really tiny moments and going, this feels so good. Thank God,
32:50
I cry good the thank God it be home tonight to feel mealss Yeah,
32:55
head on my shoulder and I can put her asleep or you know, get
33:01
a home and raise home and coeotis and put him down to sleep. Yeah.
33:06
And what I can tell you this is available will be I will have
33:12
that connection and that's all I can count on. You know, Missy,
33:15
people are gonna love your honesty about this subject, because really, there is
33:19
no answer to you know how to balance it all. So thank you so
33:22
much for being raw, because I actually wrote a whole book about it,
33:25
to be honest with you, I come back Moms, and it was about
33:30
struggle. I was all I sented to you. It was the struggle of
33:32
deciding to stay home with your kids or to stay home and or go to
33:38
work. I worked for a big law firm. I was a you know,
33:42
I was on the road. I could have been a partner a big
33:43
law firm. But I saw what was going on around me. And it
33:45
was funny because I was also on the law review at my law school.
33:50
And after we graduated, the three women, all three of us who are
33:53
on the law review, we all had kids. And one day I ran
33:58
into one of them at the toy store and I'm like in the middle of
34:00
the day and I'm like, why are you here. Well, we both
34:02
had taken time off to stay with our kids. It's not an easy thing
34:07
to give up something. I mean, when you've been a lawyer. I
34:10
had to go to, you know, take the bar exam. So I
34:13
told Julie yesterday, if I'm on life support and it's time for my bar
34:17
dues to come to please pay them or have someone pay them, because I
34:21
just want to get credit for the fact that was not easy to do.
34:23
Yeah, but no leaving your kids and it's it's hard. Yeah, But
34:29
what I think A Yeah, I respect you so much for leaving yeah and
34:35
making that space because it was something that I thought about. I mean,
34:37
I'm under contract for six years, and I you know, I always thought
34:42
that I would have kids and not work. That was my plan because I
34:45
wanted to be home. And then I ended up getting on this show.
34:49
That's the longest season I've ever worked, twenty two episodes a year. Oh,
34:52
and so I just honestly was just getting older. Then we had to
34:58
do it, and I knew I wanted to have more than and so I
35:00
kind of just put my head down and did what I had to do.
35:04
But the conflict is real, and I think it's hard. I think it's
35:08
hard for every woman. I just I don't even you're working or you're not
35:13
working, you're home with the kids. It's so difficult and there's always a
35:16
part of you that shifts so dramatically and changes that you've got to reconcile that
35:22
and that work is universal wherever you are. And I really hope that women
35:30
feel supported. I would love to be a support to other women, and
35:34
there's anything I could do with my story, it's it's just to say that
35:38
it is hard, and I hope that women stand with each other more.
35:40
Instead it's a comparison thing or saying, oh, you're messing up your kids
35:44
because you're doing that over there. Well, yeah, some of your kids
35:46
because you've chosen that. It's like, we all have that in your head
35:50
already. I love that you're saying all this because I think moms out there
35:53
are going to listen to this and totally relate to it, and it's wonderful
35:58
that you're saying it and you're representing what everyone's feeling. Trust me, they're
36:02
what they're thinking you can't get. And we always like kind of like,
36:06
I can't be a partner, the big partner at the big law firm and
36:09
have my kids be the great kids that I want to have, or or
36:14
stare with the kids and end up being partner at the law firm. But
36:16
are as women, I think we're just going to take a different trajectory of
36:20
our lives, our career path and our motherhood and things does look a little
36:23
different. But we're going to get there. And I love that you can
36:27
be the face of that because I really believe it. You're very passionate about
36:30
it, and you're well spoken about it, and I think it's well Missy
36:34
saying you cannot have it all. You just can't, like you just can't
36:37
have everything all at one time? Exactly, Well, ro Sand Why people
36:42
love that? Yeah, yeah so hard. Why Why were we taught to
36:45
have it? Yeah? We don't know the answer to that. That's another
36:49
show, Roxanne, Welcome to the Mom's Club. Tell us a little bit
36:52
about yourself, and do you have a question for Missy. Yes, I
36:57
do so. I and in the Hollywood? What's in the Hollywood? Vein?
37:01
And had a son at twenty four weeks and a pound in four ounces.
37:06
So you go from doing seventeen hour days as I know you do sometimes,
37:10
so all of a sudden, this is your life. Yeah, as
37:15
Monica, you everyone, you have to choose what you do. I did
37:20
the same and chose my son. You know, he's seven now. And
37:25
I would like to ask you as a mother in the industry and the argument
37:31
that even I'm struggling with today is kids versus and what your advice would be
37:40
as it's so ever changing and so fast with AI now coming in and you
37:45
know, having to monitor everything. Yeah, you know, I'm poof.
37:51
I don't. I'm not very good at that I have. I've really struggled
37:55
with the social media thing. I've been pretty cool in my life. I
38:00
don't really go on it very often. And the reason why is because I'm
38:04
super sensitive and I know that there's some beautiful things about social media, you
38:09
know, and I've you know, you follow upworthy on Instagram and you just
38:13
have these amazing stories that are inspiring and there's good stuff to follow. I
38:20
don't know where things are going. I I worry about that obviously. With
38:24
like my kids, I've got you know, the gut phones, there's like
38:28
iPads. They have own phones, but you know they alread eyn know about
38:30
our phones. And I watch Miila just be so quick with scrolling and she
38:35
just figures it out, and I'm like, whoof, I don't. I
38:37
don't love this. This is not how I grew up. I think there's
38:42
something really wonderful to being unplugged, because I think the danger for me with
38:49
social media is you can't teach hmm, it's too easy to lie on social
38:57
media, and as a child, we're so desperate to teach them how to
39:02
read the cues and to set boundaries, and to know who people are and
39:06
to be able to take care of themselves and love people. We have all
39:08
these different things that are really important interaction wise and how to be in the
39:13
world. And then if they're always on social media, they're not getting the
39:15
truth of what people are like and what the world is like. They're getting
39:20
this curated version that then they're also taking in all this idea of this is
39:24
what I need to be and this is how it works, and it's wrong
39:29
and it's wrong, and I don't really know what I'm going to do.
39:30
My kids are young right now, but I know I'm going to be up
39:34
against it. I'm in New York. Things move so fast here. I
39:39
got to tell you, I get tempted to just be like, I'm moving.
39:44
I'm moving to a farm. Oh yeah, my sister lives on a
39:45
farm. They live in like five hundred acres in Nova Scotia. Oh wow.
39:49
And you know, it's very different than my life. It couldn't be
39:52
more different, actually, so it's too extreme. But you know, they're
39:57
homeschooled, they're not involved and things in the same way, and the imaginations
40:01
that they have are amazing, And I guess, I guess at the end
40:07
of the day, the only thing I can do is lock it down to
40:09
for me personally, it's down to me and Tom to teach our kids the
40:14
values and what's important and to create a space where they can always come to
40:19
us to ask questions and bring their hurts to us and bring their confusion to
40:22
us that we can do our best to sit with them in it. I'm
40:24
not going to have the answers to everything, but yeah, I have a
40:28
theory, Missy, that kids are now being actually as they come out,
40:31
they're chipped with the ideal of how to teach you to use your own phone.
40:36
I feel like your two year old might show you something when she turns
40:39
to in June. This is how you do this, mom, Because we've
40:43
talked about really so it's actually kind of like, oh god, you know
40:45
what I mean. So yeah, I mean I think I've tried to avoid
40:49
it for myself for so long. Yeah, now i know I'm going to
40:52
be faced with it. You'll just ask your kids. They'll know that.
40:58
Yeah. Well that also kind of begs the question of a lot of families.
41:00
I know, I go to restaurants and I'll look around and the entire
41:04
family they're out to dinner and everyone including the one year old, has a
41:08
phone or yeah, I mean, do you have rules about that? Have
41:12
you decided, you know, we're gonna be one of those families that you
41:15
all put the phone in the basket or we're not gonna we're gonna relate with
41:17
each other. We're not gonna. Yeah, Tom and I try to,
41:21
like at a certain time every night, let's just not be on our phone.
41:23
So when we're with the kids, who are really with the kids,
41:25
and you don't see it. It's hard because you've got your music connected to
41:28
your phone that connects to your house. The thermostat is connected to your phone,
41:31
like they're too much is connected to the phone. Your groceries are on
41:35
your phone, So they don't know what we're doing. Even though what we're
41:37
doing is running the family and making sure everybody has their needs met. All
41:40
they see is us not paying attention to them. And I worry that it
41:44
looks like that is what we value over them. And how else are they
41:50
going to see that? What else they don't know better, they don't know
41:52
all the facts, and so yeah, and I mean, listen, it's
41:58
tempting to bring an iPad when you have a toddler in a restaurant. But
42:01
you know what, too bad. Yeah, toddlers are toddlers. I had
42:06
to learn very quickly not to feel badly because a child who is not fully
42:12
developed is having a meltdown. Yeah, you know, like what's fun is
42:16
that? Like if a real person is walking by, they'll look at you
42:20
and you can tell them. They'll just go who's been there and share a
42:22
smile, and you're like, thanks, I needed that, you know.
42:27
I took Miilato La one time because I wanted to spend more time with her,
42:30
and I just me and her to have a little girl's trip before the
42:34
strike ended. And I've seen some friends and a woman came up to me
42:39
in the airport and she goes, you look like a pro. You look
42:43
you're like perfect to what you're doing. And I burst into tears and I
42:46
said, I'm actually about to I'm not okay, I'm breaking down. You're
42:51
like there's a storm inside regardless of what you see on the outside, So
42:55
totally, yeah, you're just You're just always like this with a kid of
42:59
like what am how long she can make it? For? When is this
43:00
not going to happen? Is it going to be on the plane? And
43:02
really trying to do this play sometimes so that she would sleep here and she
43:05
did everything the opposite of what I plan to do, and I'm just waiting
43:08
for like, how am I going to make it through this? But when
43:10
you have people and you make eye contact with them and there's connection and relationship
43:15
and you don't even have to know them, you have the human experience and
43:19
when it's in person, it's so uplifting. As she basically said, I
43:24
see you, Missy, I see you right. Yeah, she saw what
43:29
we're seeing right now. A really good mom because you really care. Jeez,
43:32
Thanks Lisa, you have a question? Tell Missy a little about yourself
43:37
and do you have a question for Yes, my name is Lisa, and
43:43
I left hearing When you talk like that, it just reminds me so much
43:45
when my kids were little. They were seventeen months apart, and I did
43:47
have to go to work, and I just made it such a point to
43:52
let them know that when I didn't have work that they were number one to
43:57
me. And I will tell you it pays off because they're twenty nine and
44:00
thirty now and we're very close, and they they know that they were first
44:06
me, even if I couldn't be with them all the time. And that
44:07
I think is really the goal that I went for because I did not want
44:12
to have to work. I wanted to be with my kids, but I
44:14
couldn't. And so and one thing too, just just as a little piece
44:19
of advice. When you're like that and you have to work, then you
44:22
spend every minute home with your children, you tend to put your husband on
44:25
the back burner a little bit. So make sure you have some times set
44:29
aside for date night that they don't put up because I don't think I went
44:32
anywhere without my kids. I mean, and I think that it didn't help
44:37
them in some ways too, because they always had us fulean back on to
44:38
keep them socially happy if they weren't doing things. But my right, I
44:43
love that. I just want to acknowledge that, Yes, thank you for
44:45
saying that. I really appreciate that that it is something that's a very important
44:49
thing to acknowledge. Is the partner in all of this, because I think
44:54
we get so tapped and taken care of things. It's like the you know,
44:59
I'm I'm the last to get the attention, but he's definitely second last,
45:04
you know what I mean. Like, if there's anything that's really going
45:06
to be out of the family, he's out first. You said you're type,
45:10
and I am too. So when the kid has to go to the
45:13
doctor or there's a school meeting, well, even if he's available and can
45:15
do it, well, you know, I want to hear it and I
45:17
want to be there. So I really don't care if you can do it
45:21
for me. I still don't want you to. So that's tough to even
45:25
now you need that help. But one thing I wanted to ask you is,
45:29
so now when they're growing up, is there a certain childhood tradition that
45:32
you and your family had that you have already been in place with your kids
45:36
or you're looking forward to pursuing when they get a little older. You know,
45:42
I grew up in the church, and while we're just starting to get
45:46
back to church, the one value that I really loved from it was giving
45:52
back and being in the community. And so what I really look forward to
45:58
is is how can we do that in the city and what can we do
46:00
that I can bring them there, and I think we'll probably be looking for
46:02
something to do with children so that we can bring them. And you know,
46:07
we have Floyd Bennett Field in Brooklyn. We got a notification saying they
46:12
needed donations because there were a lot of kids and families who were there that
46:15
had no clothes, and I'm like, oh my god, it's freezing outside.
46:17
I just burst into tears on the set. I was like, what,
46:20
like, We've got to get them clothes. That's crazy. I could
46:22
not think about my kids freezing out there like this. And so you know,
46:28
that weekend, I like went through the house. I went through all
46:30
of their bins with old clothes about the winter stuff. I'm not the blankets.
46:32
And I talked to Otis because he can understand, and I just said,
46:36
what toys are you done with? Like, we don't need all these
46:37
toys. It's crazy. There's kids who don't have any, and we just
46:40
start the conversations of Hey, you're really blessed here and we have an opportunity
46:45
to bless some other people, so let's go. Let's go do that now.
46:49
We dropped off the bags to the school who were going to drop it
46:52
off to them. But one day I really look forward to really being involved
46:57
in people, in people's lives, and not for like here you can have
47:01
our things. It's not that, it's I really want them to be able
47:05
to build a connection with the community and be a part of that. And
47:12
I don't know what that looks like right now because I barely have time to
47:15
do that. And I think it's gonna happen when I have a little bit
47:16
more space or the opportunity will come up, and I look forward to that
47:22
too, and I'll just know exactly when the right time is to go and
47:24
do it. But I think for me it's bad, it'll pay off.
47:28
I put my kids with me to do angel tree shopping, you know,
47:30
get the little angel and they would help pick the presence. And now that
47:34
they're ground, they took on that role in their offices to get the donation
47:37
and do that. So, yeah, experience the I remember, so see
47:42
something simple like that. Yeah, well, Missy you mentioned community and the
47:47
Mom's Club. We are community, we are you should you can start one
47:52
of the moms clubs in New York or if you end up in Nova Scotia,
47:55
wherever you wherever you are because we are forming moms clubs all over the
48:00
country. Yeah, and we that's our goal is to build those communities so
48:05
that more and more moms can hear exactly what you've shared with us today.
48:08
So important connection. Yeah, the connections are so important and for everybody,
48:14
and that's what this that's what Inside the Mom's Club is all about. Well,
48:16
tell us you're on the sixth season of FBI. Do you have any
48:21
other projects in the works or where? And where can people find you on
48:23
social media? Uh? Projects in the works? Yes, they filmed the
48:29
Uh, there's a movie that I helped produce and I'm starring in. But
48:32
that's coming out later next year. What's the name of it? Ian Pohen
48:37
talking about it at this point, But yeah, so far away and if
48:45
yeah, so that's that's a little later anyway. Social media, I don't
48:50
know, guys. I got Instagram and paragroom. That's really kind of where
48:52
I am. But I got to tell you, I'm pretty bad at reading
48:54
anything in there. I don't really read the comments and I don't post very
48:59
much. But you know what, I don't know. You guys have really
49:02
challenged me today because well, I'll admit that I've been quiet because I get
49:09
nervous to put myself out there when I don't know who's listening, and I
49:14
you know, it's not face to face, And the truth is, it
49:17
goes against the very thing that I really believe, which is to have community.
49:21
And this is like a positive way of connecting. If we could have
49:25
you here in LA we would have done it like as it would have been
49:30
amazing. So there's something I don't know. I'm going to think about this
49:34
in a way that I can be maybe a little more interactive and uh open,
49:38
yeah, scary. Well, we have enjoyed meeting you, and we
49:43
encourage all the moms out there to watch Agent Maggie Bell on FBI and see
49:49
what happens with her and her co worker. You know, they seem like
49:52
very careful. She's returning from Saren guests poisoning and he's very very She's got
49:58
big things coming up on season six. We've got a lot of big things
50:00
coming up. So thank you so much, Missy, and thanks for all
50:05
you moms out there for joining us today. You can see us on Instagram
50:09
at Inside the Mom's Club. Follow us there, follow us on TikTok at
50:14
Inside the Mom's Club. You can also subscribe to our YouTube channel which we've
50:19
started recently and is going gangbuster. Subscribe, Bring all your mom friends and
50:23
ask them to subscribe to and then just start Mom's clubs out there. Start
50:28
that network, get that connection. That's what we're all about. And we're
50:30
also about our Mom's Club motto, which is Julie, if you don't laugh,
50:36
sometimes you are going to we're going to cry. So laugh out there,
50:42
laugh a lot laughing and join us next time inside the Mom's Club.
50:45
Thanks, thank you,