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Transcript

140 | Nature's Balloon · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: Yesterday.
• 0:00
  Eric: Hi Matt.
• 0:02
  Eric: Hey.
• 0:02
  Eric: Yesterday.
• 0:04
  Matt: All your troubles seem so far away.
• 0:07
  Matt: I'm so sorry, continue.
• 0:08
  Matt: Yesterday was Earth Day.
• 0:11
  Matt: I don't know if you knew that.
• 0:13
  Matt: It is in this timeline.
• 0:15
  Matt: It is in this timeline that they're listening to it, it's uh in the past.
• 0:18
  Matt: Two weeks post post in the past.
• 0:20
  Matt: Post Earth Day.
• 0:22
  Eric: Now, Matt, how'd you spend Earth Day?
• 0:26
  Matt: Uh I uh honestly, the sad truth is I spent it almost entirely in front of screens.
• 0:33
  Matt: Mostly the three sitting in front of me right now for work.
• 0:37
  Matt: And then to relax, I did a combination of the tiny screen and the big screen.
• 0:44
  Matt: And I feel I feel sad about it now.
• 0:46
  Matt: I feel sad about it now, Eric.
• 0:48
  Matt: Okay.
• 0:48
  Matt: I read it.
• 0:49
  Matt: I did watch Survivor at the end of the day.
• 0:51
  Eric: That's nature adjacent.
• 0:52
  Eric: It is.
• 0:52
  Eric: That does count.
• 0:53
  Eric: That does count as Earth Day.
• 0:55
  Eric: Matt, you want to know what I was doing?
• 0:56
  Eric: I think I uh I think I do.
• 0:59
  Eric: Wanna know what you're doing.
• 1:02
  Eric: Oh, you want to know what I was doing?
• 1:04
  Matt: Like what I was doing on Earth Day?
• 1:06
  Matt: Yes, Eric.
• 1:08
  Matt: I do want to know what you were doing on Earth Day.
• 1:11
  Eric: Planting a motherfucking tree! That's right, folks.
• 1:17
  Eric: I am a tree planter.
• 1:20
  Eric: I plant trees.
• 1:21
  Eric: I tend to nature.
• 1:22
  Eric: I I I attend to the bosom of Gaia.
• 1:28
  Eric: I I I I have suckled from her bounty all my life, and yesterday, I motherfucking gave back myself and Alyssa, my beloved former guest of the show, my kick-ass girlfriend, we went on a tree planting date in Baltimore City as part as part of the Baltimore treekeepers uh initiative.
• 1:49
  Eric: I do have to ask, is your window open?
• 1:51
  Eric: No, it is not.
• 1:52
  Eric: That is just the dulcet sounds of Baltimore City happening right outside my window.
• 1:57
  Eric: I believe that is yep, that is the 12 o'clock boys.
• 2:02
  Eric: They do roll through here like salmon swimming upriver.
• 2:07
  Eric: Uh, like that we we will legit get a like a like a like a stampede of them.
• 2:11
  Eric: We'll get like 50 or 60 of them all going by at once.
• 2:14
  Eric: It's honestly majestic to behold.
• 2:16
  Eric: It's it's it's how I know spring has started, because they'll start like rolling through here at So you stuck a tree in the ground.
• 2:23
  Eric: So I stuck a tree in the ground, and Matt, the way this was supposed to go down was there are crews that go out before the the tree planting and like use an auger, like a giant mechanical auger to like pre-punch the holes, and then the crews go around and like haul the trees into the holes because these trees are fucking heavy and require multiple people to do.
• 2:47
  Eric: So, like, supposed to be like holes dug, and then we go in, we we get them in there, we situate their soil, we make sure they're straight, we make sure everything's good, we get them all set up with struts and stuff.
• 2:57
  Eric: But here's the problem, Matt.
• 2:58
  Eric: Yesterday we found out that the truck that the auger they use is on got a flat tire.
• 3:04
  Eric: Ohmer City, which meant we had to dig the holes by like in in the old way.
• 3:10
  Eric: Matt, two things can be true.
• 3:12
  Eric: One, it's one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
• 3:16
  Eric: I loved it dearly.
• 3:17
  Eric: I suggest everyone join a local tree planting organization near them.
• 3:21
  Eric: It is so good for your body and brain.
• 3:23
  Eric: Two, this is the first tree, right?
• 3:26
  Eric: The first tree.
• 3:27
  Matt: Okay.
• 3:27
  Matt: Just checking just checking where this effusive uh commentary and recommendations are coming from.
• 3:33
  Matt: Continue.
• 3:34
  Eric: I yeah, planter of one tree, yes.
• 3:37
  Eric: After digging a hole with a fucking pickaxe and shovels by hand, kind of want to die.
• 3:43
  Eric: I uh everything hurts.
• 3:45
  Eric: I bet.
• 3:45
  Eric: Um, ow, ouchie ouchie.
• 3:47
  Eric: Remember how I'm talking about like how you just like suckled from mother guy?
• 3:50
  Eric: I need her to cradle me now because everything hurts.
• 3:52
  Eric: I bet it does.
• 3:53
  Eric: I had to use so many my body is so pissed at me right now, Matt.
• 3:58
  Eric: It is like I I have been hobbling around the house, like, uh, oh god.
• 4:02
  Eric: Normally you can plant multiple trees in an hour.
• 4:06
  Eric: We but with hand digging a goddamn hole, we got one.
• 4:09
  Eric: Me and Alyssa, our little team, got one tree in, and the other teams got their tree ends up, but we earned our tree, Matt.
• 4:17
  Matt: You earned it.
• 4:18
  Eric: You earned it.
• 4:18
  Eric: We earned our motherfucking tree.
• 4:20
  Matt: I think one of the problems that you might be running into is you're uh the planting the trees.
• 4:27
  Matt: Yes.
• 4:27
  Matt: Pretty outdoor activity.
• 4:29
  Matt: Yes.
• 4:29
  Matt: You're an indoor boy.
• 4:31
  Matt: I am such an indoor boy, man.
• 4:32
  Matt: You're an indoor boy, my boy.
• 4:34
  Eric: I'm I'm a I'm a pale little indoor boy.
• 4:36
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 4:37
  Matt: So that's gonna that's one strike against you.
• 4:40
  Eric: My body is rebelling against this.
• 4:42
  Matt: It's but uh you I am proud of you.
• 4:44
  Matt: I am proud of what you've done.
• 4:45
  Matt: I do feel like you've nourished the earth and the community.
• 4:49
  Matt: Thank you.
• 4:50
  Matt: I did not plant a tree yesterday.
• 4:52
  Matt: No, but you I barely went outside.
• 4:54
  Matt: I was in fact just uh just shackled to my computer.
• 5:01
  Eric: Well, yeah, because you're you're Matt, you know what, you know, I'll tell you this.
• 5:04
  Eric: I'll tell you this.
• 5:05
  Eric: Tell me.
• 5:05
  Eric: You were not outside yesterday, you were inside doing work.
• 5:10
  Eric: I was working, you were working to provide for the tree that you planted in your wife's belly.
• 5:17
  Eric: Nice, Sarah.
• 5:18
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 5:19
  Eric: Those are the seeds that have been sown.
• 5:22
  Matt: Planted those seeds, didn't I?
• 5:24
  Eric: Planted out of them.
• 5:25
  Eric: Happy earth day, motherfucker.
• 5:27
  Eric: You're a dad.
• 5:28
  Matt: My boys can swim hello everybody, and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This.
• 5:45
  Matt: It is the podcast answering life's least pressing questions.
• 5:49
  Matt: It does have a brand new look following the events of both the last episode and the and the that fucking cat is staring at me, Eric.
• 6:02
  Eric: That goddamn cat like a fucking owl.
• 6:05
  Eric: Amelia is straight up mean mugging Matt Sheet.
• 6:09
  Matt: First we got fucking motorcycle kids.
• 6:11
  Matt: Now we got this cat who's gonna cough up a hairball or some shit.
• 6:15
  Eric: Anyway, my name's Matt Shea.
• 6:17
  Eric: My name's Eric Poach, and the tree's name is Connie, named after Constance, Alyssa's grandmother.
• 6:23
  Eric: Go ahead, hon, make a joke.
• 6:24
  Eric: Make a joke, Matt.
• 6:25
  Eric: I'd prefer it to be named after Connie Britton.
• 6:29
  Matt: Who is that?
• 6:30
  Matt: Fuck you.
• 6:31
  Matt: Happy Earth Day.
• 6:35
  Matt: Fuck you, who's Connie Britton?
• 6:37
  Matt: Who is Connie Britton?
• 6:38
  Matt: Call yourself an actor.
• 6:39
  Matt: Get the fuck out of here.
• 6:40
  Eric: Who's Connie Britton?
• 6:41
  Matt: I don't even want you to know you don't deserve Connie Britton.
• 6:44
  Matt: I know you don't deserve Connie Britton, and that cat better stop staring at me.
• 6:49
  Eric: No, she she can she can feel the vibes you're bringing in.
• 6:52
  Matt: Yeah, well, and listen, I've planted a tree, okay?
• 6:56
  Matt: Stay related.
• 6:58
  Matt: Listen to this.
• 6:59
  Matt: When you were a young tyke and you were in the elementary school um system there in Glen Burney.
• 7:08
  Eric: Yeah, when I was in the system.
• 7:11
  Matt: Yeah, when I was in the system.
• 7:12
  Matt: When you were in the system, uh, did they give you like a tiny little sapling in a bag to plant?
• 7:17
  Matt: Fuck no.
• 7:18
  Eric: They never would have trusted us with anything living.
• 7:21
  Eric: We never had class pets.
• 7:22
  Eric: They we they would never trust Glen Burney kids with any life.
• 7:27
  Matt: No, I'm saying on Earth Day, like the size of a phone.
• 7:30
  Eric: Like they didn't give you like a tiny little tree.
• 7:32
  Eric: The most they gave us, Matt, were like the little cups of grass that you that was the extent of it.
• 7:39
  Eric: They gave us grass.
• 7:41
  Eric: I bet they did.
• 7:45
  Matt: I'll tell you this.
• 7:46
  Matt: Happy Earth Day, man.
• 7:48
  Matt: Happy Earth Day.
• 7:48
  Matt: Happy Earth Day.
• 7:49
  Matt: Let me tell you this story.
• 7:51
  Eric: Mm-hmm.
• 7:52
  Matt: When I was in elementary school, they gave me those little trees one day in a little bag.
• 7:57
  Matt: And a little tiny uh uh uh uh I can't why is it escaping me?
• 8:03
  Matt: It's like a fir tree, like a Christmas tree.
• 8:05
  Matt: Yeah, little tiny sapling.
• 8:06
  Matt: Yeah.
• 8:07
  Matt: In a little tiny bag.
• 8:08
  Matt: Pine tree.
• 8:08
  Matt: Pine tree.
• 8:09
  Matt: Brought it home on the uh brought it home on the bus and my my parents helped me plant it right outside the deck.
• 8:17
  Matt: That tree continued to grow, grew successfully, grew so successfully, my dad said one day, after like, I don't know, year, two years, was like, we gotta move this tree.
• 8:32
  Matt: It's going to get all up under the deck, it has no place to go.
• 8:36
  Matt: Yeah.
• 8:37
  Matt: So we moved it further out to the to the in into the backyard.
• 8:41
  Matt: Eric, my tree is not only still there, my man, that fucker is like 25 feet tall.
• 8:50
  Matt: I goddamn right it is a huge fucking tree.
• 8:54
  Matt: Fuck yeah.
• 8:55
  Matt: Now half of it does not get any sun and it's all dead, but so it's very lapsi, but it is tall and mighty, and I planted it with my fucking hands twice.
• 9:05
  Matt: God damn right you did.
• 9:06
  Matt: Does a tree have a name?
• 9:08
  Matt: No.
• 9:08
  Matt: Wow.
• 9:10
  Matt: I know.
• 9:11
  Matt: I'm I'm realizing the shame right now in the moment.
• 9:14
  Eric: Thank you.
• 9:15
  Eric: Thank you for shaming me.
• 9:16
  Eric: The best time to name a tree was, you know, 25 plus years ago.
• 9:21
  Eric: 25 some years ago.
• 9:22
  Eric: Second best time is right now.
• 9:25
  Eric: What are we naming this tree?
• 9:26
  Eric: We got to.
• 9:27
  Matt: We got to.
• 9:28
  Matt: Um, we're gonna name it.
• 9:30
  Matt: Don't say Douglas.
• 9:32
  Matt: Fuck you for even suggesting that I would name it Douglas.
• 9:36
  Matt: You're welcome.
• 9:38
  Eric: Herodotus.
• 9:39
  Eric: Nice Biblical.
• 9:42
  Eric: Yeah, more Greek, but yes.
• 9:47
  Matt: Yeah, you know, the uh the the classical.
• 9:50
  Matt: He's like the first historian.
• 9:51
  Matt: Herodotus.
• 9:52
  Matt: Herodotus.
• 9:53
  Matt: Herodotus.
• 9:55
  Eric: That's a good name for a tree.
• 9:57
  Matt: Am I saying that right?
• 9:58
  Matt: Herodotus.
• 9:59
  Matt: Herodotus.
• 10:00
  Matt: Herod Herodotus.
• 10:02
  Matt: Herodotus.
• 10:03
  Matt: Herodotus.
• 10:04
  Matt: He's in Assassin's Creed.
• 10:06
  Matt: Anyway.
• 10:06
  Matt: Ah that's why you know so much about him.
• 10:09
  Matt: Well, that's how I was introduced to him, yes.
• 10:11
  Matt: But then I found out he was a real person.
• 10:13
  Matt: And anyway, we we should get into the show proper, I think.
• 10:17
  Matt: We should get into the show proper.
• 10:19
  Eric: Um, we've got some questions.
• 10:20
  Eric: Yeah.
• 10:21
  Eric: We're gonna answer them.
• 10:22
  Eric: Yeah, we don't have a closer today.
• 10:24
  Eric: We're actually gonna do three question day kids.
• 10:27
  Eric: No, and actually, uh Eric, I think we can come clean about what happened with the closer.
• 10:31
  Eric: Yeah, so we had Matt, to be honest, had a brilliant fucking idea.
• 10:36
  Eric: Thank you.
• 10:38
  Eric: Uh recently we were on the Neatcast.
• 10:40
  Eric: We were on the Neatcast twice.
• 10:42
  Eric: Twice.
• 10:42
  Eric: Twice we were on the Neatcast.
• 10:44
  Matt: Um on one of them, they played their very first voicemail.
• 10:47
  Matt: They get voicemails, they get voicemails, just the one, but they got it.
• 10:52
  Matt: They got it, and it matters.
• 10:53
  Matt: And we said that we were gonna leave them a voicemail.
• 10:56
  Matt: So I said, Eric, why don't we do it on the show as a closing section?
• 10:59
  Matt: Yes.
• 10:59
  Eric: I was like, yes, man, it's so brilliant.
• 11:01
  Eric: And like neither of us saw any sort of logistical issues to that.
• 11:08
  Matt: Except what it actually is is a link to record a one-minute max clip.
• 11:15
  Matt: And we both uh didn't think about the fact that we are coming at it with different inputs, so we couldn't do that.
• 11:22
  Matt: So instead, we're doing a third question.
• 11:23
  Matt: Yeah, we're just gonna do a third question.
• 11:25
  Eric: While we figure out the logistics, oh, and for our sweet, sweet kneecast boys, don't you worry, that voicemail's coming.
• 11:30
  Eric: We just get it.
• 11:31
  Eric: We're gonna figure it out.
• 11:32
  Eric: We'll figure it out.
• 11:33
  Eric: We'll just get you something, baby.
• 11:35
  Eric: We've got to figure it out.
• 11:35
  Eric: Here we do 15-minute segment, 15 one-minute voicemails.
• 11:40
  Eric: That's asking a lot of our audience.
• 11:42
  Eric: We'll workshop it.
• 11:43
  Eric: We'll workshop it, but not on this episode.
• 11:45
  Eric: Eric, what's the first question?
• 11:46
  Eric: Our first question, Matty Pooh, is what is the national anthem of the internet?
• 11:53
  Eric: That comes from Kevin in Columbus.
• 11:57
  Eric: Thank you, Kevin.
• 11:58
  Matt: Thank you, Kevin.
• 11:59
  Matt: Thank you, Columbus.
• 12:01
  Matt: This is an amazing question.
• 12:04
  Eric: I'm not even gonna lie.
• 12:05
  Eric: This is baller.
• 12:06
  Eric: And and and in my mind, it's not even a question of like, like, what like there's so many good answers.
• 12:11
  Eric: There's so many good answers.
• 12:13
  Matt: The f uh uh do you feel let's just get right the fuck into it.
• 12:17
  Matt: Okay, do you feel that it needs to be an internet famous based question?
• 12:23
  Eric: So so that the the the the the answer needs to be like an internet famous song, yeah.
• 12:29
  Matt: Like uh, for example, one that's jumped into mind, and I hope uh god, I hope this lands from the from the early infant stages of YouTube, chocolate rain.
• 12:41
  Eric: Ooh, some say dry and others feel the pain.
• 12:44
  Eric: That's the very one, my friend.
• 12:45
  Eric: Zoom the camera out and see the lie, my man.
• 12:48
  Eric: Yeah, Tay Zon Day, voice of a generation.
• 12:51
  Eric: Yo, I'm familiar.
• 12:52
  Eric: Oh, I'm familiar.
• 12:53
  Eric: Good.
• 12:54
  Eric: Yeah, I I I and I look at he still has he's still making music and shit.
• 12:59
  Eric: He still has the coolest voice on earth.
• 13:01
  Eric: He does have quite the voice.
• 13:03
  Eric: He did then, I can't imagine.
• 13:05
  Matt: Yeah.
• 13:05
  Matt: It got deeper.
• 13:06
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 13:07
  Matt: There she goes.
• 13:08
  Matt: Oh there she goes.
• 13:09
  Eric: Okay, it's because you you you brought weird vibes to it.
• 13:13
  Eric: I brought weird vibes.
• 13:14
  Eric: Every every day you make me proud, Amelia.
• 13:17
  Eric: Uh which brings me to this.
• 13:20
  Eric: Um, no, so here so so let me let me let me further grease the wheels of this question.
• 13:28
  Eric: A little prep work.
• 13:30
  Eric: Lube it up.
• 13:31
  Eric: Actor prepares.
• 13:32
  Eric: What song we pick hinges very much on what we decide for this next part, which is Matt, I ask you, when is the national anthem for the internet played?
• 13:47
  Eric: That's a good follow-up questionnaire.
• 13:50
  Matt: That that like that really like is it for if this was the dial up days, it would be the sound of logging in.
• 13:59
  Matt: Oh it'd be that, it'd be in that that time slot.
• 14:04
  Matt: Yes.
• 14:05
  Matt: Instead of listening to that, that's where it should have gone.
• 14:08
  Matt: They should have made the national anthem of the internet then for when America truly was online.
• 14:14
  Matt: Yes.
• 14:16
  Matt: Yes.
• 14:18
  Matt: And then we could have logged in.
• 14:21
  Matt: Everybody has to stand and hand over the heart.
• 14:23
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 14:24
  Matt: Hold hold would have brought you.
• 14:27
  Eric: They mailed you aloft.
• 14:28
  Eric: Kids, for any children listening to this show, they used kids get around.
• 14:33
  Eric: Listen to the old men talk for a minute.
• 14:35
  Eric: They used to mail us plastic discs in the mail that we kept the internet on.
• 14:41
  Eric: We could kept on little discs.
• 14:43
  Eric: It was quarantined.
• 14:45
  Eric: It was quar it had to be contained.
• 14:46
  Eric: This was before it could be contained.
• 14:48
  Eric: We knew not the dangers.
• 14:50
  Eric: No, the possibilities were truly endless.
• 14:52
  Eric: It was Wild West times.
• 14:54
  Eric: And and kids, for anyone, ask your parents about it.
• 14:57
  Eric: If you ask your parents about it, like what they did with those discs, like, oh mama, papa, did you did you use them to download the internet onto your computer?
• 15:07
  Eric: They'll say no.
• 15:08
  Eric: If they were our age, they they most likely did what at least kids in my neighborhood did, and snapped them in half and turned them into makeshift batarangs to throw at each other.
• 15:19
  Eric: Because we had so many of these fucking things.
• 15:23
  Eric: They were frisbees, they were batarangs.
• 15:25
  Eric: They were multi-purpose.
• 15:26
  Eric: They were multi-purpose.
• 15:27
  Matt: They were they were I will say that never happened in in my childhood.
• 15:31
  Matt: We did not go out and throw broken plastic at each other.
• 15:35
  Eric: You didn't throw broken CDs at each other.
• 15:38
  Eric: Well, you weren't in the system.
• 15:40
  Matt: I will I wasn't, no.
• 15:42
  Matt: No, I was safe.
• 15:44
  Matt: I was safe in a in a pro-tree planting elementary system.
• 15:50
  Matt: You who they trusted with life.
• 15:53
  Eric: Who they yes, I was entrusted with life from an early age.
• 15:56
  Eric: They saw what we were doing with America Online discs and said no.
• 16:00
  Eric: They said grass at best.
• 16:04
  Matt: They said grass in fifth grade only.
• 16:07
  Matt: Yeah.
• 16:08
  Matt: Grass if they're lucky.
• 16:10
  Matt: So you didn't well, I don't think I ever actually had a pet uh like a classroom.
• 16:14
  Matt: Like a class pet, no.
• 16:16
  Matt: I don't think I did ever, no.
• 16:17
  Matt: If I did, it was like a maybe there was a like a fish on a on a teacher's desk, maybe.
• 16:23
  Eric: Maybe maybe it was like the pet, like no one in my class was responsible for keeping anything alive other than grass.
• 16:31
  Eric: No, hell hell heaven's to bet, too.
• 16:33
  Eric: Um, so when do we play the national?
• 16:35
  Eric: So so so you're saying like so like in this utopia we're building, yes, we're when you log on to the internet, yes, you hear the anthem.
• 16:44
  Eric: Oh, okay.
• 16:45
  Matt: So you you don't think we you want to build a utopia rather than applying it to the real internet that we suffer through today?
• 16:54
  Eric: No, actually, now that you say it that way, I think that's what we deserve is not utopia.
• 16:58
  Eric: Goodness, no.
• 16:59
  Eric: We deserve like what is the anthem for for the internet we have.
• 17:04
  Matt: I think the internet has proven that it can never support a utopia.
• 17:09
  Eric: No, it's yeah, it's it's it's uh it doesn't want to be a utopia.
• 17:14
  Eric: No, no, not not the internet's masters do not want this.
• 17:20
  Matt: No, if anything, I wouldn't be surprised if we suffer technical difficulties during this podcast simply because they want to keep it the way it is.
• 17:30
  Eric: Bro, this is like the second time this has happened where we we're really walking on eggshells.
• 17:35
  Eric: We saw we we gotta stop saying quiet parts out loud because But that's what we do, Eric.
• 17:40
  Matt: But that's what we do.
• 17:41
  Matt: We speak truth to power, or at least into a microphone.
• 17:45
  Eric: We're on the fucking front lines.
• 17:47
  Eric: Okay, Matt, let me let me let me hit you with this.
• 17:50
  Eric: Okay.
• 17:51
  Eric: We're we're at a a sport game.
• 17:55
  Eric: There we are.
• 17:56
  Eric: And for whatever reason, they come across the they come across the PA and they say, now everyone, please rise for the national anthem of the internet.
• 18:08
  Eric: Of the internet.
• 18:10
  Eric: What do you want to hear?
• 18:12
  Matt: In that moment that you've just pitched, what do you want to hear?
• 18:16
  Matt: What would make you feel like a citizen of the internet?
• 18:20
  Eric: A proud citizen of the internet, I dare say.
• 18:22
  Eric: Or that the internet itself is a nation.
• 18:41
  Eric: Oh, I like that.
• 18:42
  Eric: I like I like the internet, and pretty much it is now like the the the internet is its own sovereign entity.
• 18:49
  Eric: Okay, there's only there's only one sovereign citizen, and it is the internet.
• 18:53
  Eric: Truly sovereign citizen.
• 18:55
  Eric: I I get behind that hypothesis.
• 18:58
  Eric: So it really becomes a question of like what is the national anthem of sovereign citizens, of which there is only one.
• 19:03
  Eric: No, no, no, no, no.
• 19:04
  Eric: It does not okay, it does not become that.
• 19:06
  Eric: Okay, we don't need to give any airtime to the sovereign citizen.
• 19:10
  Eric: True, because technically, the one sovereign citizen gets all the airtime, gets it all in.
• 19:16
  Eric: It's the internet.
• 19:16
  Eric: I would say what would make me proud, yeah, all rise, and now Rick Astley singing.
• 19:25
  Eric: Ooh, never gonna give you up.
• 19:28
  Eric: You know, actually, we're no strange.
• 19:34
  Eric: Like it is too low, you know the rules, and so too hard, and I can see a whole stadium going and and everyone will lose their minds, Matt, because it'll be the one time that they were informed that they were about to hear never gonna give you up.
• 19:54
  Eric: That's true.
• 19:54
  Eric: That that's true.
• 19:56
  Eric: See, normally that that brain is reserved for rage, like ah, it got me thrust upon you.
• 20:02
  Eric: But when you tell people like, yeah, we're gonna play never gonna give you up, everyone's in.
• 20:06
  Eric: Everyone knows, everyone knows the lyrics.
• 20:08
  Eric: Everyone, like there, like there it is.
• 20:13
  Matt: That is a yes, that is, I think, possibly the internet song.
• 20:21
  Eric: And and it it it stands, it is a it is such a cultural mode.
• 20:26
  Eric: People still get rickrolled to this day.
• 20:29
  Matt: And I think to when you get Rickrolled today, it has actually come like back around.
• 20:35
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 20:35
  Eric: Oh, Matt, recently I saw an article.
• 20:38
  Eric: I was linked to an article that was like, oh, after you know, fucking however many like 15, 16 years, the the never gonna give you up video is is finally been taken down.
• 20:50
  Eric: It and like clicked the link to read the article, I was Rickrolled.
• 20:55
  Eric: That's really good.
• 20:56
  Eric: That is really that is really good.
• 20:59
  Eric: That is a level of meta commentary that I am just okay for.
• 21:05
  Matt: Now, Eric, I am I have pulled up YouTube's most watched videos of all time.
• 21:12
  Matt: Okay, okay, bring the science into it.
• 21:15
  Matt: Yes.
• 21:16
  Matt: I will tell you, I I I wanted to see where the Rick Roll uh Never Gonna Give You Up video lands.
• 21:24
  Matt: T TBH not seeing it.
• 21:27
  Eric: No, number one is if I remember correctly, Baby Shark.
• 21:30
  Matt: It is still Baby Shark with almost double second place, 16 billion views.
• 21:39
  Matt: Second place with 8.9 billion views, despotico.
• 21:44
  Eric: Oh, oh, oh, despacito?
• 21:46
  Eric: Despacito.
• 21:47
  Eric: Uh now, now let me now, Matt, I will say this.
• 21:50
  Matt: I thought it was despacido.
• 21:51
  Matt: Oh, you're right.
• 21:54
  Matt: And then there are some kids' songs, wheels on the bus, back and like those don't count.
• 21:59
  Matt: I do.
• 22:00
  Eric: Feel baby shark does because it went it went beyond a kid song.
• 22:04
  Eric: It it was listened to enough for every person on the planet to have listened to it like twice.
• 22:09
  Eric: Oh, gong them style.
• 22:13
  Matt: Can I tell you the my favorite gong style related story?
• 22:16
  Matt: I wish you would, and I'm gonna.
• 22:18
  Matt: I once, and this this this person, I don't know if she still listens to the podcast.
• 22:25
  Matt: Uh she did at one point, but uh, if you're if you are out there, good friend, you will know who you are, and I encourage you to call the thought line with your with your point of view here.
• 22:36
  Matt: Um I went to her wedding as a guest, Eric.
• 22:40
  Matt: Okay.
• 22:40
  Matt: And as the reception for the wedding began, she asked me to mc the refres the reception.
• 22:50
  Matt: As the reception was beginning.
• 22:54
  Matt: As it was beginning, yes.
• 22:56
  Matt: So Matt, what did you do?
• 22:58
  Matt: I don't know what happened.
• 22:59
  Matt: I don't know if there was a cancellation or there was a miscommunication, whatever it was, I was happy to do it.
• 23:04
  Matt: Uh I was happy to do it.
• 23:05
  Matt: I was completely unprepared.
• 23:08
  Eric: Yeah.
• 23:08
  Eric: But yeah.
• 23:09
  Eric: Well, but hey, Matt Matt Shea's unprepared is like everyone else's prepper.
• 23:15
  Eric: Yes.
• 23:16
  Matt: Well, I appreciate that.
• 23:17
  Matt: But I yeah.
• 23:18
  Matt: So I was like, all right, yeah, great, give me a microphone, I'll I'll do what I do.
• 23:22
  Matt: And so I got up there and they they they hand me like a little script of like, oh, here's the order of operate.
• 23:28
  Matt: We're gonna do this dance.
• 23:29
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 23:30
  Matt: So now I'm doing the thing.
• 23:31
  Matt: I'm doing the DJ thing of like, okay, and the first dance, and blah, blah, blah.
• 23:36
  Matt: And then, and like, we're gonna play this game, we're gonna play this game.
• 23:40
  Matt: Uh, you know, uh, who's you know, gonna be the uh like do the dishes more or whatever the game was, you know, ladies, ladies, uh, and so then I do all that, and then it came Eric, it came time for so I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing all these different roles on a microphone, and I am told explicitly by the groom that like all I so they need me to also like cue up the music for the different dances and all this different stuff.
• 24:14
  Matt: All I have to do is push the spacebar.
• 24:17
  Matt: That's it.
• 24:18
  Matt: That's it.
• 24:19
  Matt: And so I said, okay, I'll hold the gun and cock it.
• 24:22
  Matt: I was like, perfect.
• 24:24
  Matt: And so for their dance, the couple's first dance, Eric, baby.
• 24:28
  Matt: I set the mood, I set the tone.
• 24:31
  Matt: Yeah, I'm on the mic and I'm saying whatever it is I say, I was like, for their first dance as a married couple, we have the honor of watching, whatever.
• 24:40
  Matt: I did, I did it nice, yeah.
• 24:41
  Matt: I did it good.
• 24:42
  Matt: Ladies and gentlemen, please remove your hats.
• 24:45
  Matt: Please remove your hats.
• 24:47
  Matt: And I my my fingies touch down on the space bar, and as they get in slow dance formation, the speakers release.
• 24:58
  Matt: And so I gave it Eric, I gave it like two seconds.
• 25:06
  Matt: Inside, I completely panic, of course.
• 25:08
  Eric: Of course.
• 25:09
  Eric: I you're living some wedding planner's fucking stress dream.
• 25:13
  Matt: I hit the space bar, I look at the two of them, and I go, was that not it?
• 25:22
  Eric: Did you do that over PA?
• 25:24
  Eric: Yes.
• 25:24
  Eric: Yeah.
• 25:25
  Eric: I bet that fucking killed.
• 25:28
  Eric: Oh, my deck brought the house down, my brother.
• 25:30
  Eric: That fucking that instant.
• 25:32
  Eric: Yeah.
• 25:35
  Matt: I didn't know I was going to BMCing that reception, but I fucking killed it.
• 25:40
  Eric: Oh, you fucking slew it.
• 25:41
  Eric: I got it.
• 25:41
  Eric: I did.
• 25:42
  Eric: I really did.
• 25:42
  Eric: They don't know how hard they lucked out that you were on the guest list.
• 25:48
  Eric: They do.
• 25:48
  Matt: They knew what they knew that that I would deliver.
• 25:53
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 25:53
  Matt: And I, once again, I have to thank them for putting me in the position, trusting me with this honor.
• 25:58
  Matt: And I rewarded them by playing stylists.
• 26:03
  Eric: Look, that's on that.
• 26:04
  Eric: They set the cue.
• 26:05
  Eric: You just hit the space bar.
• 26:06
  Matt: All I had to do was push the space bar.
• 26:08
  Matt: I'm innocent.
• 26:09
  Matt: I'm innocent.
• 26:10
  Matt: I was look, I'm not gonna say I was just following orders, but oh no.
• 26:18
  Eric: But so so to the question of our internet's national anthem.
• 26:23
  Eric: The national anthem.
• 26:24
  Eric: So I do admire all these heavy top hitters.
• 26:28
  Eric: Baby shark, baby shark.
• 26:31
  Eric: Gong them style.
• 26:34
  Matt: Chocolate rain should be considered.
• 26:37
  Eric: I I think for me, in my heart of hearts, it's between never gonna give you up and chocolate rain.
• 26:43
  Eric: And and and for both of us, I know they don't appear very high on that list, but I I will recommend how many how many people got the Star Spangled banner and they're Spotify wrapped?
• 26:52
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 26:53
  Eric: Like you're right, Eric.
• 26:54
  Eric: You know what?
• 26:54
  Eric: It's your empty.
• 26:55
  Eric: It's an empty.
• 26:56
  Matt: That's not that's a very good way to think about this, I think.
• 27:00
  Matt: Actually, like God, if we're just going off of numbers, it's not it doesn't have to be popular, it has to be necessary, it has to be necessary, it has to be necessary to the fabric of the internet, and that's actually what got me leaning towards chocolate rain.
• 27:14
  Eric: Never gonna give you up is classic.
• 27:17
  Eric: It is but it originates in the 80s, it originates offline.
• 27:23
  Eric: That's true.
• 27:24
  Eric: Taezon Day, this was born of the internet.
• 27:28
  Eric: It was born, I think that's the clincher for me.
• 27:31
  Eric: He leans away from the mic to breathe in, like he tells us this.
• 27:36
  Matt: He does, and I and I forgot about that detail.
• 27:40
  Matt: I forgot about that detail.
• 27:44
  Eric: I forgot about it too until just now.
• 27:46
  Eric: I was like, I was like, I'm remembering the videos.
• 27:51
  Matt: I completely forgot.
• 27:53
  Matt: Can we play chocolate rain?
• 27:55
  Matt: Can we get away with chocolate?
• 27:56
  Matt: Are we gonna get sued for this?
• 27:57
  Matt: Can we is it licensed?
• 27:59
  Matt: It can't be.
• 27:59
  Matt: Can I get more chocolate rain in the monitors?
• 28:02
  Matt: Can we get it?
• 28:03
  Matt: If if if we can get away with it, it will play us out.
• 28:06
  Matt: How about that?
• 28:06
  Eric: Oh, perfect.
• 28:07
  Matt: If we can get away with it, yes.
• 28:08
  Matt: In which case, I I do have to say I feel like we've landed on it.
• 28:12
  Eric: Oh, yeah, it's chocolate rain.
• 28:14
  Eric: Also, Matt, could you imagine guest get of all time?
• 28:18
  Eric: Tayson Day.
• 28:19
  Eric: If only we could.
• 28:21
  Eric: Oh, could you that just that voice?
• 28:23
  Eric: We'll contact his people.
• 28:25
  Eric: Oh, we'll yeah.
• 28:26
  Eric: Well, I'm pretty sure his people is him.
• 28:27
  Eric: Well, we'll contact him.
• 28:30
  Eric: Yeah, he is he's he's a self-made, self-made internet.
• 28:32
  Eric: We couldn't get Jesse Wells, but maybe we can get it.
• 28:35
  Eric: We can pull the, and that gets our foot in the door for Jesse Wells.
• 28:38
  Eric: Like, look, people we could because then we go to anyone, any potential major guest, and we go, well, we got Tayson Day.
• 28:47
  Matt: But listen, the the difference is like Jesse Wells is was sort of born of the internet, yes, but like he's beyond that now.
• 28:55
  Matt: He's beyond us now.
• 28:57
  Matt: But the uh he's also of today, where there's a bazillion people, a bazillion artists that are legitimate music, with all due respect to Tayson Day.
• 29:10
  Matt: Legitimate music is born of the internet now.
• 29:14
  Matt: Chocolate rain was made back in birds' days.
• 29:17
  Matt: This is a perfect example, by the way, of the neat cast, how you're like, let me just mute for a second while the uh the siren passes.
• 29:27
  Matt: That's nice.
• 29:29
  Matt: That's nice.
• 29:31
  Matt: Why would you make a dick sucking motion?
• 29:33
  Matt: Why would you do that?
• 29:34
  Matt: Why would you do that?
• 29:35
  Matt: Don't make that salute, Eric.
• 29:42
  Eric: Oh man.
• 29:43
  Eric: I can't get canceled, not like this.
• 29:49
  Eric: Nah, yeah, you can.
• 29:50
  Eric: Trust me.
• 29:51
  Eric: No, no, that wasn't a challenge.
• 29:52
  Eric: That was a oh god, that was a bargaining.
• 29:54
  Eric: Oh, please, not like this.
• 29:56
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, I get, I get it.
• 29:58
  Eric: I get it.
• 29:59
  Eric: So to your point, you were saying you're saying now music is born from the internet all the time, but Tazon Day struck when the iron wasn't even hot.
• 30:10
  Eric: It was not hot.
• 30:11
  Eric: It was there was barely an iron.
• 30:13
  Matt: Tayson Day lit lit the forge.
• 30:15
  Matt: In many ways, yes.
• 30:17
  Matt: In many ways, tazon day was he not the spark.
• 30:20
  Matt: Oh, and that's like that that it's and it's also would we have gungham style without chocolate rain?
• 30:27
  Eric: No, the I I I shudder to think of the things we would not have were it not for Tayson Day.
• 30:33
  Eric: Like the D like with whether they know it or not, Tazon Day set the tone.
• 30:39
  Matt: 142 million views only for Taezon Day.
• 30:45
  Matt: It does say, you know, it does say download the free MP3.
• 30:48
  Matt: Oh, if it oh my god, I'm I'm just watching it on silent now and remembering.
• 30:53
  Matt: Look at him, look at him, lean away from the mic.
• 30:56
  Matt: What an artist! What a god.
• 30:58
  Matt: My god, he looks exactly the same.
• 31:00
  Eric: Yeah, oh, he has not aged.
• 31:02
  Eric: My god, he looks exactly the same.
• 31:05
  Eric: Bro has those Keanu jeans.
• 31:07
  Matt: I just opened up his page.
• 31:09
  Matt: He looks identical to himself.
• 31:12
  Matt: Yeah.
• 31:12
  Eric: Wow.
• 31:13
  Eric: Yeah.
• 31:13
  Eric: All right, that's it.
• 31:14
  Eric: That's the National Anthony.
• 31:15
  Eric: Yeah, it's the National Anthony Chocolate Ring.
• 31:16
  Eric: And Matt, I'll put a button on it with this.
• 31:18
  Eric: Please look.
• 31:19
  Eric: Because you mentioned only 142 million views for Tayson Day, but let me tell you this.
• 31:24
  Eric: Somewhere in an unmarked grave, there is a man who is a pilot of a ship that brought the pilgrims to these Americas.
• 31:33
  Eric: We will never know his name.
• 31:34
  Eric: We can't.
• 31:34
  Eric: It's probably written.
• 31:35
  Eric: We can't.
• 31:35
  Eric: It's impossible to know who drove the ship that day.
• 31:38
  Eric: But if it weren't for him, we wouldn't have the internet.
• 31:40
  Eric: I don't think it would have made it.
• 31:42
  Eric: No, wouldn't have made it.
• 31:44
  Matt: There are certain pioneers, Eric, that we wouldn't have made it without.
• 31:47
  Matt: Taison Day being one of them.
• 31:50
  Matt: Paul Revere.
• 31:51
  Matt: Yes.
• 31:53
  Matt: Also Paul Revere.
• 31:54
  Matt: Are we gonna do like a back and forth between the internet and America?
• 31:58
  Matt: Is that what we're doing?
• 31:58
  Eric: No, I just thought we were naming, you know, icons of generations.
• 32:02
  Matt: Oh, sure.
• 32:04
  Matt: Uh Attila the Hun.
• 32:06
  Matt: Oh wait.
• 32:06
  Matt: Um, hold on.
• 32:08
  Matt: Um Wow, you really let your own bit fall flat there, huh?
• 32:14
  Eric: Hold on.
• 32:15
  Eric: I thought you were, I thought you were like, you said uh I thought you were gonna come up with you said a thing, you said so you're sticking with Attila the Hun.
• 32:22
  Eric: Scott Joplin.
• 32:24
  Eric: Hmm.
• 32:25
  Eric: Yeah, fuck you.
• 32:26
  Eric: Lucille Ball.
• 32:27
  Eric: She's the reason we have Star Trek and James Bond.
• 32:30
  Eric: I Eric, you don't need to justify Lucille fucking ball to me.
• 32:34
  Eric: No, that wasn't for you, Matt.
• 32:36
  Eric: That was for them.
• 32:37
  Eric: The listeners.
• 32:38
  Eric: Resputin.
• 32:39
  Eric: Respure Rasputin.
• 32:47
  Eric: Uh yeah.
• 32:48
  Eric: So, you know, Taezon Day stands among peers.
• 32:51
  Eric: Stands among Still of the Hunt and Rasputin.
• 32:55
  Matt: Yes.
• 32:55
  Matt: I I do think, but Taezon Day, I think here's another question.
• 32:59
  Matt: Here's another question we can't get into unless you want to.
• 33:02
  Matt: Unless you want to transition to oops all tangents.
• 33:04
  Matt: Hit me with it.
• 33:05
  Matt: The founding fathers of the internet.
• 33:08
  Eric: Oh, Taezon Day is definitely Taezon Day is like the John Adams.
• 33:11
  Eric: He's on the Mount Rushmore, I think.
• 33:13
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 33:14
  Eric: Uh oh, a a cat.
• 33:16
  Eric: Any cat?
• 33:18
  Eric: Any cat.
• 33:18
  Eric: Like just the concept of a cat is one of the founding fathers of the internet.
• 33:22
  Matt: I can't even completely disagree with that.
• 33:24
  Eric: Um yeah, let's just bang out the Mount Rushmore.
• 33:27
  Eric: So we got Taezon Day, a cat.
• 33:30
  Eric: And I don't want the I don't want legitimate ones that suck.
• 33:34
  Matt: Like maybe if we were to do this for real, unfortunately, Mark Zuckerberg needs to be in the conversation.
• 33:39
  Matt: And I don't want that.
• 33:40
  Eric: Tom from MySpace, though?
• 33:41
  Eric: Tom from MySpace is on there.
• 33:43
  Eric: Everybody's friends.
• 33:44
  Matt: In fact, Tom from MySpace, his there's the Mount Rushmore in the internet, and right next to him is a full-scale Mount Rushmore size mountain replica of Tom from MySpace's profile picture over his shoulder.
• 34:00
  Matt: Yes.
• 34:01
  Matt: Yes.
• 34:01
  Eric: 100%.
• 34:02
  Eric: Yes.
• 34:03
  Matt: Uh Tom, who the epitome what that mountain is up to the left of the Mount Rushmore.
• 34:14
  Matt: So the Mount Rushmore actually looks like his top eight.
• 34:18
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 34:19
  Eric: So fucking dumb.
• 34:24
  Eric: I thought it was pretty clever, but no, I that's oh, that hits.
• 34:30
  Eric: Um yes, yeah, Tom shout out.
• 34:32
  Eric: Nostalgia-filled episode we got going on.
• 34:35
  Eric: Nostalgia-filled episode, especially for Tom, who who who did the most, who, who, who truly lived the internet dream.
• 34:42
  Eric: He came up with a supposedly dumbass idea.
• 34:47
  Eric: Yeah.
• 34:47
  Eric: Made a biblical amount of money off of it, got his bag, and then said, Okay, I'm done.
• 34:55
  Eric: He said, I'm gonna go just travel the world and live the best life possible, and I'm not gonna involve myself in geopolitical anything.
• 35:06
  Eric: That I'm just going to fade into obscurity because I got my bag.
• 35:10
  Eric: God damn it.
• 35:11
  Eric: Why couldn't they have all been like Tom?
• 35:13
  Matt: And if we're talking about making the internet like treating it like a nation, you know, the American dream, forget it.
• 35:22
  Matt: That's the internet dream right there.
• 35:24
  Matt: That's the internet dream.
• 35:25
  Matt: You make it, you get that bag, and you cash out.
• 35:29
  Eric: You get the fucking get in, get out, get out, and get back to the real world.
• 35:34
  Eric: Go plant some trees.
• 35:35
  Eric: Go plant some trees.
• 35:42
  Matt: I'd say bad tree.
• 35:44
  Matt: You want to hear about a tree?
• 35:45
  Matt: I'd say a bad tree.
• 35:46
  Matt: Let me say a bad tree.
• 35:48
  Matt: Let me say about a tree.
• 35:50
  Matt: Uh let's yes, but I will.
• 35:52
  Matt: I will tell you about a tree.
• 35:54
  Matt: Uh, the second question that we have, and this comes from uh Becky the Seagrass Scientist on Instagram.
• 36:02
  Eric: Becky! Who I was I was hanging out with with Becky the Seagrass Scientist uh just this last weekend.
• 36:08
  Matt: Well, how about that?
• 36:09
  Matt: Okay, so I'm sitting all at Oops.
• 36:13
  Matt: Okay, so I'm sitting Okay.
• 36:15
  Matt: Okay, okay.
• 36:16
  Matt: Okay, so I'm sitting at the Maryland Zoo tabling for an Earth Day event with a display about the dangers of marine debris slash litter.
• 36:25
  Matt: Specifically, I'm calling out balloons and intentional balloon releases as harmful and now illegal, and offering alternatives like a bubble machine for celebrations.
• 36:36
  Matt: The kids are into bubbles, but not the message.
• 36:39
  Matt: My question for you guys how can I spice this table display up?
• 36:44
  Matt: What other balloon release alternatives can I suggest?
• 36:48
  Matt: How can I indoctrinate the young to Captain Planet's philosophy?
• 36:54
  Eric: Becky, you came to the right place.
• 36:56
  Eric: Boy, did you?
• 36:57
  Eric: Because there's one thing we know, it's the Utes.
• 37:00
  Eric: It's the Utes.
• 37:02
  Eric: I'm making one.
• 37:03
  Matt: Well, I'm not really making one.
• 37:05
  Matt: I contributed a very small amount.
• 37:07
  Matt: Yeah, you uh Yeah.
• 37:11
  Eric: You did you're you're you did the equivalent of Rafiki going Simba.
• 37:14
  Eric: Oh god.
• 37:20
  Eric: Um, but but so the issue is the kids are all about the bubbles, but they don't uh Becky is this wait, what would you what did you just say?
• 37:28
  Eric: No, you don't deserve to know.
• 37:30
  Eric: Dirty little pervert, what'd you do?
• 37:31
  Eric: You don't deserve to know.
• 37:32
  Eric: I bet it was good, too.
• 37:36
  Eric: It was too.
• 37:37
  Eric: But you were too busy talking over me.
• 37:39
  Eric: I'm sorry.
• 37:39
  Eric: I was sorry, I was trying to keep us on task.
• 37:42
  Eric: Oh.
• 37:42
  Eric: Um shoot me.
• 37:44
  Eric: Uh so it sounds like so the the issue is that the kids are all about bubbles, but they are they don't like you're not selling them on no more balloons.
• 37:54
  Eric: They're like, oh, bubbles, yes, yes, bubbles, and like, but no balloons?
• 37:58
  Eric: They're like, no, I like bubbles.
• 38:00
  Eric: And I think it's more that the theory is.
• 38:06
  Matt: Kids are still gonna want balloons once they walk away from that table.
• 38:09
  Matt: Well, of course, who doesn't want balloons?
• 38:11
  Matt: The kids are into the bubbles, not the message.
• 38:14
  Matt: The message being I'm calling out balloons and intentional balloon releases as harmful and now illegal, uh, which uh, you know, I think is the I forget where it was.
• 38:26
  Matt: I think it might have been Columbus or Cleveland or something where they had that big balloon balloon release thing and it like tormented the city for like a week or some shit.
• 38:33
  Eric: Yeah, oh yeah, oh.
• 38:34
  Eric: I forget where that was.
• 38:35
  Eric: It caused millions of damages and shit.
• 38:38
  Eric: Yeah.
• 38:38
  Eric: Caused like literal mayhem, yes.
• 38:40
  Eric: Yeah.
• 38:40
  Eric: Decimated wildlife, yes.
• 38:43
  Matt: But so she's she's having she has a stand.
• 38:46
  Matt: She has a little stand talking about the dangers of these, and instead, let's do balloons.
• 38:51
  Matt: I mean, let's do bubbles.
• 38:52
  Matt: Let's do bubbles.
• 38:53
  Matt: The balloons of the balloon, the night, nature's balloon.
• 38:56
  Eric: They're coming for the bubbles, but they're not staying for the no balloons.
• 38:59
  Matt: They're not staying for the balloons are harmful to the environment.
• 39:03
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 39:04
  Matt: So there's the obvious cut the message, Becky.
• 39:08
  Matt: There's cut the message out, just make it a balloon, uh, uh make it a bubble.
• 39:13
  Eric: Just bubble table.
• 39:14
  Eric: Just a bubble table.
• 39:15
  Eric: Get them so jazzed about bubbles that they forget balloons exist.
• 39:19
  Eric: Yes.
• 39:20
  Eric: Bubbles.
• 39:21
  Eric: Yes, the balloons of nature.
• 39:23
  Eric: Nature's balloon.
• 39:24
  Eric: Ooh, okay.
• 39:26
  Eric: One at I'm gonna pepper in an actual suggestion here.
• 39:29
  Eric: You could explore all the different like life forms that are balloon-shaped.
• 39:35
  Eric: So you could be like, what about nature's balloons?
• 39:38
  Eric: Bubbles, uh, or like like there's I know there's certain kinds of seagrass or sea entities that like look like like probably like, oh, you could admire all these beautiful, like balloon-shaped objects in nature that aren't balloons.
• 39:53
  Matt: Um maybe you could do that thing where you like like a like a science teacher would do, where you make a cloud somehow.
• 40:00
  Matt: You know, you you know what I'm talking about, where they like come out control the weather?
• 40:03
  Matt: Where it comes out of like a like a beaker.
• 40:05
  Matt: Yeah, and then you're like, oh, look at that.
• 40:08
  Matt: Who wants a balloon after that?
• 40:10
  Matt: Who wants who wants a balloon when you can be God?
• 40:15
  Eric: That is a good message, Becky.
• 40:17
  Eric: Becky, consider starting a religion.
• 40:20
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 40:21
  Eric: Is Becky, let me tell you this.
• 40:23
  Eric: We have to get her as a guest on the show someday because she she is Who's stopping us?
• 40:28
  Eric: Who's keeping Becky from the show?
• 40:30
  Eric: I want to be.
• 40:31
  Eric: I was hanging out with her.
• 40:33
  Eric: Didn't book her.
• 40:34
  Eric: Becky, if I was gonna hand godlike power to anyone, it would be Becky.
• 40:40
  Eric: She'd be an absolute goblin about it, but ultimately to our benefit.
• 40:44
  Eric: This is what the show is for for me.
• 40:47
  Eric: I'm gonna voice all the intrusive thoughts I couldn't normally say when giving someone actionable advice.
• 40:52
  Eric: Because you and I, Matt, we came up in the era of the anti-drug.
• 40:59
  Matt: You just gave me a good idea, and it might be your idea.
• 41:02
  Matt: Continue.
• 41:02
  Eric: We we came up in the era of the shock and awe tactics.
• 41:07
  Eric: This is your brain on drugs.
• 41:09
  Eric: This is your brain on drugs, deflated person laying on the couch.
• 41:13
  Eric: Oh, that's just what she does now.
• 41:15
  Matt: This is what a smoker's lung looks like.
• 41:17
  Eric: And and Matt Gaze upon it.
• 41:19
  Eric: That's exactly where my brain went.
• 41:21
  Eric: So, what you do is you show them how the balloons get made.
• 41:26
  Eric: That's you show you show them like the dis huh?
• 41:29
  Eric: You show them how the balloon gets made?
• 41:31
  Eric: How like like what balloons are made out of?
• 41:34
  Eric: Like you could do like show them like like have a jar of like the nat, like have a jar of like the plastic pellets or whatever, like the whatever material, latex, rubber, whatever.
• 41:45
  Eric: Just show them how fucking gross it is to make it, and like how nasty and disgusting it smells and looks.
• 41:52
  Eric: And like, yeah, you're putting your lips on that.
• 41:54
  Eric: When you put your lips on a balloon, you're putting the your lips on the lips of everyone who has ever blown that balloon.
• 42:00
  Eric: Eric, I I respect what the direction you went.
• 42:04
  Matt: Yeah, but I think you, and this should be surprising to no one who's listened to the podcast, might have missed the message between about this is your brain on drugs.
• 42:15
  Matt: This is your smoker's lung.
• 42:17
  Matt: Eric, it's not about the it they didn't show us how a cigarette is rolled, they didn't show us how tobacco is planted, they showed us what it does.
• 42:29
  Matt: So, Becky, you want this message to stick with the youths?
• 42:33
  Matt: You want to, you want to leave a mark, you gotta up the game, you gotta up your shock and awe.
• 42:39
  Matt: You gotta show me a strangling sea turtle.
• 42:43
  Matt: Oh my god! You gotta show me a bird that's chest is full of balloons.
• 42:49
  Eric: Yeah, this kid, this kid, this is a dare kid talking right now.
• 42:52
  Matt: You gotta show me a tree littered with detritus from latex.
• 42:59
  Matt: Latex detritus.
• 43:01
  Eric: You need to eat a plate of balloons.
• 43:04
  Matt: You need to eat a balloon.
• 43:05
  Matt: And then you need to, yeah, and sh and keep the kids there until it passes.
• 43:12
  Matt: If it passes.
• 43:13
  Matt: Make them make them watch you eat the balloons.
• 43:16
  Matt: Make you watch you shit out that balloon three to five business days later.
• 43:24
  Eric: Do you see this, kids?
• 43:25
  Eric: These are the balloons that came out of my butt.
• 43:27
  Eric: I pooped them.
• 43:28
  Eric: I pooped them the last the last farmers market that I had this stand-up at.
• 43:36
  Matt: I like to picture she just is going around to different open forum events and and staging.
• 43:45
  Eric: Eating bull, just just eating balloons, making mukbang content with balloons.
• 43:50
  Eric: That Becky, I feel very strongly about this.
• 43:53
  Eric: This is what you need to do.
• 43:54
  Eric: You need to traumatize the children.
• 43:55
  Eric: You need to scar the children for their betterment because scar tissue grows better.
• 43:59
  Eric: Twice as strong.
• 44:01
  Matt: And sure, the number of people that are going to respond to that by saying, sign me up to Captain Planet, let me be a renegade.
• 44:08
  Matt: You'll radicalize the children.
• 44:12
  Matt: Let me be a crusader for the uh for the planet.
• 44:17
  Matt: That that might be a limited number.
• 44:19
  Matt: And yes, just as limited, but just as noteworthy, there is going to be a kid or two who's going to be really into what you're showing them.
• 44:29
  Eric: Like in a disturbing eating is going to be an awakening.
• 44:34
  Eric: You are going to need to report at least one child to social services.
• 44:39
  Matt: That is true.
• 44:40
  Matt: That is true.
• 44:41
  Matt: But you show a strangling bird to and their eyes lit up with delight.
• 44:45
  Matt: You are going to have to report a child.
• 44:47
  Eric: Yeah.
• 44:48
  Eric: But you can't make an omelet without spawning a couple of sociopaths.
• 44:53
  Matt: Without creating a couple of serial killers.
• 44:55
  Matt: It just is the way it goes.
• 44:56
  Matt: It's just the way life works, Becky.
• 44:58
  Eric: And it's time you learned that.
• 44:59
  Eric: And Matt, to your point that like we might not get a whole lot of Planeteers out of it, I'll remind you, there were only five Planeteers.
• 45:07
  Eric: Even less once Don Cheadle got done with them.
• 45:09
  Eric: Speaking of classic internet.
• 45:12
  Eric: Speaking of classic internet.
• 45:14
  Eric: Oh, Don Cheadle's on the on the Mount Rushmore.
• 45:17
  Matt: Don Cheadle as Captain Plant.
• 45:18
  Matt: No, he's not, Eric.
• 45:20
  Matt: No, he's not.
• 45:21
  Matt: If we're gonna do the cat the Mount Rushmore, I need you to show it some fucking respect.
• 45:25
  Matt: Fine.
• 45:26
  Matt: If any funny or die content's gonna be up there, it's gonna be the landlord.
• 45:30
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 45:32
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 45:33
  Eric: With Afro Will Farrell.
• 45:34
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 45:35
  Eric: Yeah.
• 45:36
  Eric: Oh man.
• 45:37
  Eric: God, that takes me back.
• 45:39
  Eric: But so, so, so, so what do we got?
• 45:42
  Eric: We got we got show beautiful nature alternatives to balloon that aren't but so like look at look at bul look for balloon shapes in nature.
• 45:49
  Eric: Look at a bonaboo.
• 45:51
  Eric: We have creating clouds.
• 45:52
  Eric: Look at a bonaboo.
• 45:53
  Eric: How it's we have warming the weather.
• 45:57
  Matt: We have eating balloons.
• 45:58
  Matt: We have the bubbles, uh, natural bubbles of the world, the natural nature's balloon.
• 46:04
  Matt: Uh you could even do like uh d bulbous flowers, like a nice big uh like a I don't know, a Venus flytrap.
• 46:13
  Matt: Or or or a uh a pitcher plant.
• 46:15
  Matt: But that but see that those those don't really you how can you celebrate with you can't you can't harvest those.
• 46:21
  Eric: Yeah, you can't no because then you're responsible for a bunch of children going to the Amazon to harvest precious flora for their for their for their you know And you can't have that.
• 46:33
  Matt: You can't have that no conscience, and then there's of course the shock and awe, the the dare tactic, if you will.
• 46:40
  Eric: Oh the dare tactic.
• 46:41
  Eric: I mean it's not pleasant, but it will be effective, Becky.
• 46:45
  Eric: It'll be as effective as it was in the war against drugs.
• 46:48
  Eric: Hey, listen, I remember that fucking lung.
• 46:50
  Eric: I remember that lung.
• 46:51
  Eric: I remember the lung.
• 46:52
  Eric: Eric disregarded it, but he remembers it.
• 46:55
  Eric: But I remember it.
• 46:56
  Eric: I think about it every day.
• 46:58
  Eric: Think about what we all look like inside.
• 47:00
  Eric: Now I just want to find out.
• 47:02
  Eric: Gotta watch the pit.
• 47:03
  Eric: You'll find out.
• 47:06
  Matt: Uh so yeah, that's where we're at.
• 47:09
  Matt: So there you go, Becky.
• 47:10
  Matt: There's a couple of suggestions for you.
• 47:12
  Matt: A couple things to get the pot, the pot going.
• 47:15
  Matt: Get those uh bubbles boiling.
• 47:18
  Eric: Yep, yep, yep, yep.
• 47:19
  Eric: As they say.
• 47:20
  Matt: And our last question, Eric, you want to give it to us?
• 47:23
  Matt: It's our special bonus question.
• 47:25
  Eric: Oh, yes.
• 47:25
  Matt: In lieu of a closer, we have, and this is special bonus question, even though we used to do three questions on the reg.
• 47:32
  Matt: Continue.
• 47:32
  Eric: Keeping with uh today's emerging theme of the planet, what do the trees in the park gossip about?
• 47:39
  Eric: And that's from Sarah Feldman off Instagram.
• 47:42
  Eric: Hi, Sarah.
• 47:43
  Eric: And by extension, hi Carissa, because I'm sure you're both listening to this at the same time.
• 47:48
  Eric: In all likelihood and all likelihood.
• 47:51
  Matt: The yes, and and Sarah, I want to thank you for bringing this question.
• 47:56
  Matt: It it has become a bit of an Earth Day themed episode, a little late, but nevertheless.
• 48:01
  Eric: A little late.
• 48:01
  Eric: But better later than that.
• 48:02
  Eric: Best time to have an Earth Day themed episode release was two weeks ago.
• 48:06
  Eric: Second best time is right now.
• 48:10
  Matt: Now I think I know, I think I know where she's coming from with this.
• 48:13
  Matt: Okay.
• 48:13
  Matt: Because I don't I d this is I'm not this is not a bit.
• 48:18
  Matt: There are studies out in the world that trees communicate with one another.
• 48:24
  Matt: Through chemical signals, through mycelium colonies.
• 48:27
  Matt: Yes.
• 48:27
  Matt: And Eric, I this is remind uh Eric and listeners, have you ever s heard of or read the book The Overstory by Richard Powers?
• 48:37
  Eric: That was recommended to me by my Grammy recently.
• 48:40
  Eric: It's on my list.
• 48:41
  Eric: I'm going to read it.
• 48:42
  Eric: I've heard it's amazing.
• 48:44
  Matt: You must read it.
• 48:45
  Matt: And listeners, you must read it.
• 48:47
  Matt: It is one of the greatest books I have ever read.
• 48:50
  Matt: And the best thing I can tell you about it, if you ask me what's the book about, it's quite simply about trees.
• 48:57
  Matt: Love it already.
• 48:58
  Matt: It's so fucking good.
• 49:00
  Matt: You every single chapter of this book you can't see coming.
• 49:04
  Matt: And it's some of the best prose I have ever read.
• 49:08
  Matt: And I read this book and I was half, I wasn't even halfway through it when I said, Oh, I'm gonna read every Richard Powers fucking novel there is until the end of time.
• 49:18
  Matt: Yes.
• 49:18
  Matt: Yes.
• 49:19
  Eric: What glowing recommendation.
• 49:21
  Matt: It's a glowing recommendation.
• 49:22
  Matt: I I highly recommend it.
• 49:23
  Matt: I think it is a modern American classic novel.
• 49:26
  Matt: I think it's an American author.
• 49:27
  Matt: When did it come out?
• 49:28
  Matt: Is it recent?
• 49:28
  Matt: Kind of recent, like maybe 2019, 2017.
• 49:32
  Eric: Oh, okay.
• 49:32
  Eric: Sick.
• 49:32
  Eric: 66.
• 49:33
  Eric: Okay.
• 49:34
  Eric: Um, but which brings us to what are trees in the 2018.
• 49:40
  Matt: Specifically, what it is.
• 49:41
  Matt: And it is American.
• 49:42
  Matt: It is a great American author.
• 49:43
  Matt: 612 pages about trees.
• 49:45
  Matt: It's really good.
• 49:46
  Matt: Printed on trees, no less.
• 49:48
  Eric: How meta.
• 49:49
  Eric: Hal meta.
• 49:51
  Eric: Matt's making his meta face.
• 49:53
  Eric: Hal meta.
• 49:54
  Eric: My matapace.
• 49:55
  Eric: Eric, please continue.
• 49:56
  Eric: Mataphase.
• 49:57
  Eric: Nice.
• 49:57
  Eric: So they so my point.
• 49:58
  Eric: Trees specific Oh, your point being.
• 50:01
  Eric: They chat.
• 50:01
  Eric: They chat.
• 50:02
  Eric: They chat.
• 50:02
  Eric: They do talk.
• 50:03
  Eric: They chat.
• 50:03
  Eric: They gossip.
• 50:04
  Eric: And what do the trees in the park specifically chat about?
• 50:08
  Matt: This is this is fascinating to me because if you think about it, the trees are like sentinels.
• 50:14
  Matt: They're just they're they're stationary.
• 50:16
  Matt: They don't move, but the world moves around them.
• 50:19
  Matt: Yeah.
• 50:19
  Matt: They get to observe the regulars, the people who walk their dogs and their baby carriages and everything else day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, decade after decade.
• 50:31
  Eric: They get to know us, and yet we barely pay them any mind most of the time, except on they're they're perpetually like they're if this were Star Trek, they're the ensign in the background, just doing some work.
• 50:43
  Eric: And like no one ever asks about them.
• 50:45
  Eric: No one you you you you notice if they weren't there.
• 50:48
  Eric: You'd notice if you were if they weren't there, you'd be like, where is everywhere?
• 50:52
  Eric: Why is it so empty?
• 50:53
  Eric: Also, notably, trees in a park tend to, unlike trees in a forest, they're not gonna be super close.
• 50:58
  Eric: Like they'll they'll they might be in like clusters of ones and twos, but like they're kind of spaced out.
• 51:04
  Eric: So I feel like the conversations in a tree sense are gonna be less like mumbling to each other at like a party and more like you know yelling to your neighbor across the street, catching up, oh, but not actually approaching them.
• 51:19
  Eric: Oh hey, oh hey, how's it going?
• 51:21
  Matt: But then but then the two that are like next to each other can you believe that they are they exactly they are old, gossipy trees.
• 51:29
  Matt: They're caddy.
• 51:29
  Matt: They are caddy.
• 51:30
  Matt: They are catty fucking bitches, these trees.
• 51:34
  Eric: Uh like I I like to think because like I feel like they gotta judge us, right?
• 51:38
  Eric: They got they they they you don't think they judge us?
• 51:42
  Eric: No, I uh I I think they I think they comment on it.
• 51:46
  Eric: I think they have an opinion.
• 51:47
  Eric: I just don't because like I don't think they judge us the way we judge other people, because I don't think they relate to us the way we relate to other people.
• 51:57
  Eric: They relate to us the way we relate to, say, like a sentient fire hydrant.
• 52:03
  Eric: Oh boy, Eric.
• 52:05
  Eric: Or like uh or like uh like a or like a squirrel.
• 52:09
  Eric: Like we're just bigger squirrels to them.
• 52:12
  Matt: I think that is true because the the squir I'll tell you who does respect the trees, the squirrels.
• 52:17
  Matt: Squirrels.
• 52:18
  Matt: They're all over those trees.
• 52:20
  Matt: They know them intimately, they live within them.
• 52:23
  Eric: Squirrels are goddamn half the reason the trees propagate.
• 52:26
  Eric: Carry the seed and poop them out, and we're the rest, really.
• 52:30
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, we're the rest.
• 52:31
  Matt: I mean, they're the without trees, there are no us.
• 52:35
  Matt: It's true.
• 52:36
  Matt: It's true.
• 52:36
  Matt: It's just true.
• 52:37
  Matt: It's a science fact.
• 52:38
  Eric: That's that's fucking fact.
• 52:39
  Eric: That's just a science fact.
• 52:41
  Eric: Well, without trees, there's no us.
• 52:43
  Eric: Without us, though, there's no balloons.
• 52:45
  Eric: A paradox.
• 52:47
  Eric: Shit.
• 52:49
  Eric: We might have to chop down all the trees to stop the balloons.
• 52:51
  Eric: You know, if they're it Becky, if you release enough balloons, they become nature's balloon.
• 52:57
  Matt: They become nature's balloon.
• 52:59
  Matt: Think about it.
• 53:02
  Eric: Back to the question at hand.
• 53:03
  Eric: I feel like the trees know more about our dogs than they know about us.
• 53:08
  Eric: Because the dogs pee on them.
• 53:10
  Eric: Yes.
• 53:11
  Eric: I feel like a tree is sitting there, like just every now and then.
• 53:14
  Eric: Ooh.
• 53:16
  Eric: It's like, what do they feed you, boy?
• 53:18
  Matt: Ooh, farmer's dog for you, huh?
• 53:20
  Matt: Do you think they do you think they can communicate with the dogs and with animals?
• 53:28
  Eric: No.
• 53:28
  Eric: No, I don't think they I I think the trees can communicate with each other pretty much solely.
• 53:34
  Eric: Like they're they're not even other plants, not even grass.
• 53:37
  Eric: I think they communicate with mycelium via mycelium.
• 53:41
  Eric: What about a shrub?
• 53:43
  Eric: Shrub?
• 53:44
  Eric: Because a shrub, what is a shrub if not a uh a wannabe tree?
• 53:47
  Eric: Let me hit you with this shrub to tree, Pluto to goofy.
• 53:53
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 53:54
  Eric: No.
• 53:55
  Eric: Like Pluto, like Disney's Pluto, the dog, is a dog.
• 54:00
  Eric: I got that.
• 54:01
  Eric: Goofy is a dog, yes, but is a person.
• 54:04
  Eric: Yes.
• 54:05
  Matt: Okay, thank you.
• 54:06
  Matt: Yes, that helps.
• 54:07
  Eric: So the shrubs are the are the Pluto's to the tree's goofy.
• 54:12
  Matt: Yeah, against all odds, that did help.
• 54:16
  Matt: Anytime.
• 54:16
  Matt: Thank you.
• 54:17
  Matt: Just gonna hold on just a second.
• 54:19
  Matt: There we go.
• 54:21
  Matt: Again, Eric, you can't be doing that on camera anymore.
• 54:25
  Eric: I'm sorry, it's just what I believe.
• 54:31
  Matt: Fucking tubing over here.
• 54:32
  Eric: Now, here here's my thing.
• 54:33
  Eric: Because we we've talked about a lot about like what we think their opinions of non-trees are.
• 54:39
  Matt: Yeah.
• 54:40
  Eric: What are the trees' opinions of other trees?
• 54:42
  Eric: Oh, you think they gossip about each other as well.
• 54:44
  Eric: They actually they have to.
• 54:46
  Eric: As soon as I said it.
• 54:47
  Eric: Like, oh, you smell that?
• 54:49
  Eric: Oh, like, like ever I feel like everyone thinks the Bradford pears are insufferable.
• 54:54
  Eric: They think they're sluts, I'll tell you that.
• 54:56
  Eric: Oh, they're absolute sluts.
• 54:57
  Eric: Like, wow.
• 54:58
  Eric: Absolute sluts.
• 54:59
  Eric: Jesus Christ, save some for the rest of us.
• 55:02
  Eric: Jesus.
• 55:03
  Eric: Want it less.
• 55:04
  Eric: Yeah.
• 55:05
  Eric: You know, how desperate.
• 55:09
  Eric: Yeah.
• 55:10
  Eric: God, you ain't gonna want to cuddle after this, I'll tell you that.
• 55:13
  Eric: I think they probably view the cherry blossoms with disdain.
• 55:17
  Eric: They're they're full of themselves.
• 55:19
  Eric: I planted a cherry blossom.
• 55:21
  Matt: And I think, unfortunately, I don't think that some like a good old-fashioned American oak tree probably racist as fuck against a cherry blossom.
• 55:32
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 55:32
  Eric: The or the hickory.
• 55:34
  Eric: I feel like the hickory, hickory, old hickory.
• 55:37
  Eric: Old hickory is definitely.
• 55:39
  Matt: Hickory has said some racist shit.
• 55:41
  Eric: There's definitely some racist shit coming out of old hickory's mouth.
• 55:44
  Matt: Quote unquote foreigners that are the cherry blossoms.
• 55:48
  Matt: Yeah.
• 55:49
  Eric: Oh, you the old hickory's got some immigration thoughts.
• 55:52
  Eric: You young bloods out here doing your looks maxing with your cherry blossoms.
• 56:00
  Matt: I mean, that is sort of what a cherry blossom is doing, isn't it?
• 56:02
  Matt: Oh, yeah, it's just looks maxing dog.
• 56:04
  Matt: And only for but for a limited time.
• 56:06
  Eric: Yeah.
• 56:06
  Eric: They they're they they come out, they're very dramatic, and then they just don't return anyone's calls for like nine months out of a year.
• 56:14
  Eric: They kind of die.
• 56:15
  Eric: They look like they die, but they don't.
• 56:17
  Eric: And they always come back like, hey, sorry, gang.
• 56:20
  Eric: I was just going through something.
• 56:21
  Eric: Hey, chat, what's up?
• 56:22
  Eric: I'm back.
• 56:23
  Eric: I'm beautiful.
• 56:24
  Eric: I'm ready to thrive.
• 56:26
  Eric: I can't do this.
• 56:27
  Eric: I just can't do it.
• 56:28
  Eric: And then and then and then you're like, I I'm sorry for my own mental.
• 56:31
  Eric: I'm on vocal rest.
• 56:32
  Eric: But here on vocal rest.
• 56:34
  Matt: Here we are giving them fucking festivals and everything else.
• 56:38
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 56:38
  Eric: Yeah.
• 56:39
  Eric: Where's the festival for the good old beach?
• 56:42
  Eric: The beach?
• 56:43
  Eric: You don't get to go to the the B-E-E-C-H.
• 56:47
  Matt: Beach tree.
• 56:48
  Matt: Okay, you can you understand when you say the beach.
• 56:52
  Matt: The beach that a different image comes to mind.
• 56:55
  Matt: Almost devoid of trees.
• 56:58
  Eric: Does Eric think that beaches are trees?
• 57:03
  Eric: What do you think they think about a willow?
• 57:05
  Eric: I think the willow is like the like they see her and they are like, oh my god, how brave.
• 57:11
  Eric: Look at her.
• 57:12
  Eric: She's just she's just the willow, don't give a fuck either.
• 57:15
  Eric: The willow sounds like an old southern debutante.
• 57:18
  Eric: The willow does not gossip with anybody.
• 57:20
  Eric: No.
• 57:21
  Eric: Like willow, willow, willow out here, like, like, like trees trying to talk to her, and she's like, come closer, child.
• 57:29
  Matt: My eyes grow dim.
• 57:30
  Matt: Like the light is growing dim within me.
• 57:33
  Matt: I can barely stand.
• 57:35
  Matt: I remember when they would climb my branches.
• 57:39
  Matt: They would climb my branches and hide themselves underneath my droopy, droopy canopy.
• 57:46
  Eric: Willow trees, they're like, if this were cats, they're the grizzabella of the trees.
• 57:52
  Eric: Like the a willow tree is singing memory.
• 57:55
  Eric: Yes.
• 57:57
  Matt: I was beautiful once many years ago.
• 58:01
  Eric: I feel like pine trees are like the bro dudes of the thing.
• 58:06
  Eric: Because pine pine trees, they grow fast, they're evergreen, like they're they're all, they're just like like what uh brought my boy.
• 58:15
  Eric: Like, and wherever they sprout, more are coming.
• 58:18
  Matt: And they're always there.
• 58:19
  Matt: They're always there that you can't kill them.
• 58:21
  Matt: No, no, they yeah, they're they're who boy.
• 58:25
  Eric: You chop one down, 12 more pop up next year.
• 58:28
  Eric: Exactly.
• 58:28
  Eric: They're the ones you bring.
• 58:30
  Eric: They're you literally bring them home to your family at Christmas.
• 58:33
  Eric: You literally bring them home to show them.
• 58:35
  Eric: And then you have to throw them out.
• 58:37
  Eric: Yes.
• 58:38
  Eric: Because if you don't, they'll burn your house to the ground.
• 58:42
  Matt: Yeah.
• 58:43
  Matt: Or or release whatever secrets they might be holding, bugs.
• 58:48
  Matt: Uh bird if you're lucky.
• 58:50
  Eric: If you touch them too much, it gets so sticky.
• 58:52
  Eric: So sticky.
• 58:53
  Eric: So sticky.
• 58:54
  Eric: They're like, oh yeah, yeah.
• 58:55
  Eric: Like you're like, oh you go to another tree and they're like, have you been with a pine tree?
• 59:00
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 59:01
  Eric: Are you seeing pine trees?
• 59:02
  Eric: Are you seeing pine trees?
• 59:04
  Eric: I say that and full disclosure, we love a pine tree.
• 59:06
  Eric: I'm just talking about the pine tree's relation to other trees.
• 59:12
  Matt: We love pine tree.
• 59:12
  Matt: Love pine tree.
• 59:13
  Matt: Put a big ass one in my house earlier this year.
• 59:16
  Eric: Who do you last year, I guess.
• 59:18
  Eric: Who is like the black sheep of the of the of the trees in the park?
• 59:23
  Eric: Oh, um, who's who stands apart?
• 59:26
  Eric: The Joshua tree.
• 59:28
  Eric: The Joshua tree.
• 59:30
  Eric: Let me let me think I'm sure.
• 59:31
  Eric: Are those the ones that get like super fucking old?
• 59:35
  Matt: I do think they get quite old, but that I mean they're they're they they they're out in the desert.
• 59:40
  Matt: They have to have their own park.
• 59:41
  Matt: Yeah.
• 59:43
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 59:44
  Eric: The Joshua tree is like the they are the loner.
• 59:49
  Eric: Yeah.
• 59:49
  Eric: They're the drifter.
• 59:51
  Matt: Yeah, they're they're a tree and honestly, I think we can say it.
• 59:54
  Matt: They're a tree and name only.
• 59:56
  Matt: They are technically a tree.
• 59:57
  Matt: They are a tree.
• 59:58
  Matt: They are a tree.
• 59:59
  Matt: Kinda.
• 1:00:00
  Matt: Kinda.
• 1:00:00
  Matt: But like basically a trunk with a little bit of fru-fru on top.
• 1:00:05
  Eric: They just can't coexist with much else.
• 1:00:09
  Eric: They grow in very narrow environments.
• 1:00:12
  Matt: Now, what would you say is the like the tree everybody like looks up to that everybody aspires to be?
• 1:00:21
  Matt: I have a prime candidate.
• 1:00:23
  Eric: I I have a prime candidate.
• 1:00:24
  Eric: Do we want a three, two, one it?
• 1:00:26
  Eric: Sure.
• 1:00:26
  Eric: All right.
• 1:00:27
  Eric: Three, two, one, maplewood.
• 1:00:30
  Eric: Redwood.
• 1:00:31
  Eric: Maple's good, though.
• 1:00:32
  Eric: Maple's good.
• 1:00:33
  Eric: Maple iconic.
• 1:00:34
  Matt: Maple is the more common, uh, commonplace tree.
• 1:00:39
  Matt: Like for sure.
• 1:00:39
  Matt: It has the wider distribution, but the redwood is like, holy shit.
• 1:00:45
  Matt: Redwood is like the Wayne Gretzky of trees.
• 1:00:47
  Matt: And then there's of course like the K-Pok tree.
• 1:00:50
  Eric: You know, what's the K-Pok tree?
• 1:00:51
  Matt: Oh, the K-Pock tree is like the big fucking trees in like rainforests.
• 1:00:55
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 1:00:55
  Matt: Stories upon stories talking about it.
• 1:00:58
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:01:00
  Matt: But no, Redwood.
• 1:01:09
  Eric: Much like I would say, oh, like, oh fucking, check out the legs on fucking Beckham over here.
• 1:01:14
  Eric: I would say, like, oh, look at the look at the look at the needles on this redwood.
• 1:01:18
  Eric: Like, like, because like no red redwood is like the the the pie in the sky like super stardom of trees.
• 1:01:27
  Matt: Yeah, that's what I mean.
• 1:01:28
  Matt: That's the like that's they pin up a redwood on their bedroom wall as a child, as a sapling.
• 1:01:35
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:01:35
  Eric: And that's what I say.
• 1:01:36
  Eric: I I think the maple is more like it's truly the Boy Scout of trees.
• 1:01:41
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:01:42
  Eric: It is it is the it is the old reliable.
• 1:01:45
  Eric: It is the it is iconic.
• 1:01:47
  Eric: It's there.
• 1:01:47
  Eric: It is there.
• 1:01:48
  Eric: No one's got a bad word to say about them.
• 1:01:50
  Eric: No.
• 1:01:51
  Eric: Reliable.
• 1:01:52
  Eric: The Redwood is just like inspires awe.
• 1:01:55
  Eric: Rad Redwood, something else.
• 1:01:57
  Eric: What do you think the Redwoods talk about?
• 1:01:59
  Eric: Fuck like like is it mostly like what like like are they just up there just being like, oh, oh, oh just felt something run across me.
• 1:02:08
  Matt: I think Eric the Redwoods speak very rarely.
• 1:02:13
  Matt: Ooh.
• 1:02:14
  Matt: Very laconic these days.
• 1:02:16
  Matt: I think if you go into a redwood forest, there's no chatter there.
• 1:02:21
  Matt: They are just they they they've reached nirvana.
• 1:02:24
  Matt: And they are they are licensing, they're just taking in the world around them, and every now and then they have to be like bulldozers are coming.
• 1:02:35
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 1:02:36
  Matt: That's what they say.
• 1:02:38
  Matt: They're the Ned Stark of trees.
• 1:02:40
  Matt: Yes, they're sitting there and they they truly sentinels.
• 1:02:44
  Matt: I said earlier, the sentinels and park that doesn't apply.
• 1:02:47
  Matt: It applies to the Redwoods.
• 1:02:49
  Matt: Redwoods don't talk, they wait.
• 1:02:52
  Eric: Eric, there it is.
• 1:02:53
  Eric: There it is.
• 1:02:53
  Eric: Shit, there it is.
• 1:02:55
  Eric: There it is.
• 1:02:56
  Eric: So that's what the trees in the park gossip about.
• 1:02:59
  Eric: That's what the trees in the park gossip about.
• 1:03:01
  Eric: All hail the trees.
• 1:03:03
  Eric: All hail the trees, baby.
• 1:03:05
  Matt: Oh, hail to the trees, baby.
• 1:03:06
  Matt: Oh, hail to the trees, baby.
• 1:03:08
  Matt: We don't normally invoke this uh cadence for that.
• 1:03:11
  Matt: No, but you know what's funny is the last episode we did end saying, are we gonna end praising the trees?
• 1:03:18
  Matt: And here we are.
• 1:03:19
  Matt: We didn't.
• 1:03:19
  Matt: We spent a whole episode praising the trees.
• 1:03:22
  Matt: They uh and I believe it was Tim in the Discord that even pointed that out related to Earth Day, and then we didn't even think about that.
• 1:03:31
  Eric: We just actually put a round about way, Tim inspired the Earth Day theme of this.
• 1:03:36
  Matt: In many ways, he did.
• 1:03:37
  Matt: Thank you.
• 1:03:38
  Matt: Shout out to Tim from Against All Oddity.
• 1:03:40
  Eric: Shout out to Tim.
• 1:03:40
  Eric: If you want to see pictures of me planting trees, you can join our Discord.
• 1:03:44
  Eric: Yeah, you have to go to the Discord.
• 1:03:46
  Eric: We're not putting it in the Instagram.
• 1:03:48
  Matt: We could we could, but we will not.
• 1:03:50
  Eric: Oh no, with uh me wearing a sleeveless shirt.
• 1:03:54
  Eric: Are you kidding me?
• 1:03:54
  Eric: That's Discord only, baby.
• 1:03:56
  Eric: Ladies, ladies and gentlemen and trees.
• 1:04:01
  Matt: If you want to see the fucking trunks on this poach, you gotta come to the Discord.
• 1:04:07
  Matt: And Eric, that seems like a great segment into the business.
• 1:04:12
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:04:12
  Matt: And by segment I mean segway.
• 1:04:14
  Matt: I knew it.
• 1:04:14
  Matt: They knew it.
• 1:04:15
  Matt: Segment way into the business.
• 1:04:17
  Matt: Folks, we do need your questions.
• 1:04:19
  Matt: We had some great ones here today.
• 1:04:21
  Matt: Yeah, we use that as a template.
• 1:04:23
  Matt: Do you say template or template?
• 1:04:26
  Eric: I have never decided what I prefer.
• 1:04:28
  Eric: Template for brevity.
• 1:04:30
  Eric: Um, template for for like for uh referring to a physical template.
• 1:04:38
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:04:39
  Eric: Yes, it's the theater ER versus theater R E.
• 1:04:42
  Eric: Which I have to explain to people the number of times I know people have come at me trying to correct my fucking spelling of theater.
• 1:04:50
  Eric: Fuck off.
• 1:04:51
  Eric: Yeah, fuck the fuck off.
• 1:04:53
  Eric: I'm like, are we standing in the building where the acting happens?
• 1:04:56
  Eric: Then sure.
• 1:04:57
  Eric: Are we doing the concept?
• 1:04:59
  Eric: Go fuck yourself.
• 1:05:01
  Matt: So you can submit those questions to us at udnaskforthis at gmail.com.
• 1:05:05
  Matt: That's all spelled out.
• 1:05:06
  Matt: We also have a brand new website that you can submit the questions through.
• 1:05:11
  Matt: That's you didn't ask for this.com, baby.
• 1:05:14
  Matt: Baby! On the socials, it's at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:05:18
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod, mainly on Instagram and elsewhere.
• 1:05:22
  Matt: We'll work on it.
• 1:05:23
  Matt: In the meantime, I'm working on preparing to make uh you know, bring a human into this world.
• 1:05:29
  Matt: So I got the website out.
• 1:05:31
  Matt: I can't be uh start restarting our blue sky campaign.
• 1:05:34
  Matt: Give me a break.
• 1:05:36
  Eric: Come on, come on, come on, what the fuck?
• 1:05:38
  Matt: What the fuck?
• 1:05:39
  Matt: Eric go fuck.
• 1:05:41
  Matt: Tell them about the Patreon.
• 1:05:42
  Eric: Patreon.com slash you didn't ask for this for one dollar a month.
• 1:05:45
  Eric: You get access to the Discord for $4 a month.
• 1:05:48
  Eric: Or as we've recently memed into existence on the Discord for your $4.24 with tax.
• 1:05:54
  Eric: Uh, you get access to the Discord, you get monthly bonus content in the form of Oops.
• 1:06:00
  Eric: All tangents.
• 1:06:01
  Eric: And you get 20% off of all your daft merchandise, which we've got brands spanking new merchandise.
• 1:06:08
  Matt: So money good things.
• 1:06:09
  Matt: That did such a good job, y'all.
• 1:06:11
  Matt: My my personal favorite is the got to mug.
• 1:06:14
  Matt: Got to.
• 1:06:15
  Matt: Got to mug.
• 1:06:16
  Matt: And folks, the the the the same artist that we uh have making our squonk content, uh, we I am I'm gonna be contacting about bringing another you daft character to merchandise.
• 1:06:30
  Matt: That's all I'm gonna say.
• 1:06:30
  Matt: That's all I'm gonna say.
• 1:06:31
  Matt: That's all I'm gonna say.
• 1:06:32
  Matt: We're uh we're gonna be contacting him very shortly.
• 1:06:35
  Matt: And uh Eric, I think that'll about do it.
• 1:06:38
  Matt: Of course, you can call the Thought Line.
• 1:06:39
  Matt: Eric, give him the number.
• 1:06:42
  Eric: Fuck.
• 1:06:43
  Eric: Is this gonna be a thing?
• 1:06:44
  Eric: Give him the number.
• 1:06:45
  Eric: 410.
• 1:06:46
  Eric: Correct so far.
• 1:06:47
  Eric: 829.
• 1:06:48
  Eric: No nine.
• 1:06:50
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:06:52
  Matt: 8289.
• 1:06:53
  Matt: No, five.
• 1:06:54
  Matt: 410-929-5329.
• 1:06:57
  Matt: 929-5329.
• 1:06:59
  Matt: We'll try again next episode.
• 1:07:01
  Matt: Uh, but in the meantime, I think that'll about do it.
• 1:07:04
  Eric: That'll about do it.
• 1:07:05
  Matt: For this episode of You Didn't Ask for This.
• 1:07:06
  Matt: My name is Matthew Shea.
• 1:07:08
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:07:09
  Matt: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:07:11
  Eric: But ladies and gentlemen, and all friends within and without this gender binary, please rise for the national anthem of the internet.
• 1:07:20
  Eric: Take it away, Taezande! Taezon Day!
• 1:07:33
  "Chocolate Rain" - Tay Zonday: Chocolate rain! Some stay dry and others feel the pain.
• 1:07:38
  "Chocolate Rain" - Tay Zonday: Chocolate rain.
• 1:07:40
  "Chocolate Rain" - Tay Zonday: A baby born will die before this in chocolate rain.
• 1:07:45
  "Chocolate Rain" - Tay Zonday: The school books say it can't be here again, chocolate rain.
• 1:07:50
  "Chocolate Rain" - Tay Zonday: The prisons make you wonder where it went, chocolate rain.
• 1:07:55
  "Chocolate Rain" - Tay Zonday: Build a tent and say the world will dry chocolate rain.
• 1:08:01
  "Chocolate Rain" - Tay Zonday: Zoom the camera out and see the light chocolate rain.
• 1:08:06
  "Chocolate Rain" - Tay Zonday: Or has to be falling yesterday, chocolate rain.
• 1:08:11
  "Chocolate Rain" - Tay Zonday: Only in the past is what they say, chocolate rain.
• 1:08:17
  "Chocolate Rain" - Tay Zonday: With your neighborhood insurance rates, chocolate rain makes us happy little than in a gate, chocolate rain.
• 1:08:28
  "Chocolate Rain" - Tay Zonday: Made me cross the street the other day, chocolate rain.
• 1:08:33
  "Chocolate Rain" - Tay Zonday: Made you turn your head the other way, chocolate rain.
• 1:08:38
  Matt: Who wants a balloon when you can be God?