Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #303| Why Negative Self-Talk Is Quietly Making You Feel Overwhelmed, and What to Do About It
Transcript
- 0:00Michelle Gauthier: When you listen today, you'll learn why negative self-talk is actually making you feel overwhelmed, and of course, what to do about it.
- 0:12Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:19Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:24Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences.
- 0:29Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
- 0:40Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend.
- 0:40Michelle Gauthier: Thanks for joining today.
- 0:42Michelle Gauthier: Today we're going to be talking about negative self-talk.
- 0:44Michelle Gauthier: And if you think about yourself on just like a normal Tuesday and nothing big is happening, no emergency or crisis or a huge deadline.
- 0:52Michelle Gauthier: You've got some regular meetings, maybe a school pickup, dinner to figure out, and maybe one thing at work that you need to finish, but no crisis.
- 1:00Michelle Gauthier: And yet by two o'clock, you just feel like you're drowning in overwhelm.
- 1:04Michelle Gauthier: And if someone asks you what's wrong, you maybe couldn't even point to the thing, you just feel behind and tense.
- 1:09Michelle Gauthier: And a little bit like everyone else has figured this out, and you're the only one who's scrambling.
- 1:13Michelle Gauthier: And here's what I've learned over nine years of being a life coach.
- 1:17Michelle Gauthier: I can't believe it's been nine years, is sometimes that's caused by a schedule, but sometimes it can be caused by that negative voice that is constantly chattering in your head.
- 1:26Michelle Gauthier: When you listen today, you'll learn why you can feel overwhelmed on a day that doesn't feel like it should be that stressful.
- 1:33Michelle Gauthier: A couple thoughts that usually start this spiral so that you can be aware of them when you're having them, and a simple three-step way to catch the thought before it takes over your day.
- 1:43Michelle Gauthier: I call these the three C's of negative self-talk.
- 1:46Michelle Gauthier: So let's go back to that regular Tuesday we were talking about where suddenly you notice at 2 or 3 p.m.
- 1:52Michelle Gauthier: that you're just completely overwhelmed, even though it doesn't really add up in your mind as to why you would feel that way.
- 1:57Michelle Gauthier: It very well could be the negative thoughts that are popping into your head.
- 2:02Michelle Gauthier: And as I mentioned at the beginning, I've been an overwhelm life coach for like nine years.
- 2:07Michelle Gauthier: And honestly, it took me a couple of years to realize one of the things that causes overwhelm is this negative self-talk in our heads.
- 2:15Michelle Gauthier: Almost every person that I work with comes in believing, and maybe you believe this too, that everyone else is somehow doing it better.
- 2:23Michelle Gauthier: I'm so behind.
- 2:25Michelle Gauthier: I should be able to handle this.
- 2:26Michelle Gauthier: Other people are handling this.
- 2:28Michelle Gauthier: Why can't I just be normal?
- 2:29Michelle Gauthier: What's wrong with me?
- 2:30Michelle Gauthier: Are all very common thoughts that at least all the women who I'm working with who are, let's keep in mind, overwhelmed, overachievers, very successful in life, have a long track history of being successful, and they're telling themselves, I'm not doing it right, I'm not doing enough.
- 2:47Michelle Gauthier: But notice how I just said they're telling themselves, let's reframe that.
- 2:52Michelle Gauthier: Because that's not actually true that they're telling themselves that.
- 2:55Michelle Gauthier: Let's say their brain is offering thoughts such as, I can't keep up, everyone else is doing it better than I am.
- 3:03Michelle Gauthier: Why does our brain do this?
- 3:04Michelle Gauthier: Why does our brain create these thoughts?
- 3:07Michelle Gauthier: Well, as you know, if you've been a listener for a while, our brain is always trying to keep us safe.
- 3:11Michelle Gauthier: And we start to believe that part of being motivated and staying motivated and not getting lazy is to criticize yourself, so to say.
- 3:21Michelle Gauthier: You can't just sit there, get up, and get something done.
- 3:24Michelle Gauthier: However, it doesn't work.
- 3:26Michelle Gauthier: Plus, it's so mean, it's so mean to believe those thoughts coming from your brain.
- 3:30Michelle Gauthier: You would never talk to your best friend that way.
- 3:32Michelle Gauthier: You wouldn't say it to your kids, you wouldn't say it to your employees, and it doesn't even work.
- 3:36Michelle Gauthier: All that harshness doesn't make your day lighter.
- 3:39Michelle Gauthier: It's the very thing that actually piles the overwhelm on top of an ordinary to-do list.
- 3:44Michelle Gauthier: Let's just go through a couple of these common thoughts and come up with a quick strategy for what to do when these pop into your mind.
- 3:52Michelle Gauthier: Remember, the first thing is to just notice that you've had the thought without judging yourself and just think this is an automated thought that's just popping into my head.
- 4:01Michelle Gauthier: Thought one is everyone else can do this, so why can't I?
- 4:04Michelle Gauthier: This is the one that can turn an ordinary load into a personal failing.
- 4:09Michelle Gauthier: You look at the coworkers who has an office next to you or a friend who appears to have it all together, and you just decide that you're the one who's behind.
- 4:17Michelle Gauthier: So here's the thing to do: catch the thought, notice that you've had that thought, and then ask yourself, is there any way that this thought couldn't be true?
- 4:26Michelle Gauthier: Do you actually know how easy or not easy life is for the person whose office is next to you?
- 4:33Michelle Gauthier: Or are you comparing your behind the scenes to her highlight reel, the few things that you see?
- 4:39Michelle Gauthier: And this is where I always say, just stay in your own lane.
- 4:43Michelle Gauthier: Focus on what you're doing, don't compare yourself.
- 4:46Michelle Gauthier: I feel comparison is very rarely helpful.
- 4:48Michelle Gauthier: Another thought I hear often is some version of something is wrong with me.
- 4:52Michelle Gauthier: Why can't I be normal?
- 4:54Michelle Gauthier: This one is the heaviest of the three.
- 4:56Michelle Gauthier: And once you start to believe this, so this thoughts popping into your head and you start believing it, it's just kind of quietly running in the background.
- 5:03Michelle Gauthier: And it takes the normal day with a regular full plate and turns it into a flaw about who you are.
- 5:10Michelle Gauthier: Thoughts like that can cause shame, and shame causes isolation.
- 5:14Michelle Gauthier: Thinking a thought and believing a thought of something is wrong with me takes a heavy toll.
- 5:20Michelle Gauthier: So here is what to do instead when you have a thought like that.
- 5:23Michelle Gauthier: Think about if your best friend came to you and said, I'm really overwhelmed today, here's everything that I'm doing.
- 5:28Michelle Gauthier: Imagine saying back, yeah, that's because there's something wrong with you.
- 5:32Michelle Gauthier: Of course, you wouldn't say that.
- 5:34Michelle Gauthier: You'd be like, you have a lot of stuff going on.
- 5:36Michelle Gauthier: You're trying your best.
- 5:37Michelle Gauthier: You're doing great.
- 5:39Michelle Gauthier: Look at all the things that you're succeeding in.
- 5:41Michelle Gauthier: That's what you would say to your best friend.
- 5:42Michelle Gauthier: So try using that best friend talk on yourself.
- 5:45Michelle Gauthier: The third thought is, I need to get it all together.
- 5:48Michelle Gauthier: This one sounds productive, which is kind of why it's tricky, but get it all together has no finish line and you never reach that get it all together point in life.
- 5:58Michelle Gauthier: Anytime I felt like I have it all together, it's like five seconds, right?
- 6:01Michelle Gauthier: Like that's just not the way that life works.
- 6:03Michelle Gauthier: There's always growing and learning and things that come up, and we'll succeed at one thing, and then something else falls apart, and that is just the nature of life.
- 6:12Michelle Gauthier: There is no one on earth who has it all together all the time.
- 6:15Michelle Gauthier: So here's something to pause and ask yourself when you're thinking this thought of I need to get it all together.
- 6:22Michelle Gauthier: Ask yourself, get what together, and get it together by when and compared to what.
- 6:27Michelle Gauthier: Just poke holes in the thought entirely, and then try a more realistic standard.
- 6:33Michelle Gauthier: Like, what is the first thing that I could start on?
- 6:36Michelle Gauthier: What would B minus work look like here?
- 6:38Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes the most calming thing you can do is just choose one specific small action instead of thinking I need to get it all together, I need to get it all done.
- 6:48Michelle Gauthier: Now, here's a tool that you can keep in mind that sort of summarizes everything that we're talking about.
- 6:53Michelle Gauthier: It's called the three C's.
- 6:54Michelle Gauthier: First of all, I want to start by reminding you that most of our thoughts, probably 95% or more, are unconscious.
- 7:00Michelle Gauthier: So the goal is not to get rid of those negative thoughts because they're just popping into your head.
- 7:06Michelle Gauthier: The goal is to notice them, evaluate them, and choose a new one.
- 7:10Michelle Gauthier: And I teach this as the three C's: catch, check, and change.
- 7:14Michelle Gauthier: First, you catch the thought.
- 7:15Michelle Gauthier: The easiest way to catch a thought is to start with how you feel.
- 7:18Michelle Gauthier: So if you notice you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed or anxious or rushed or whatever the feeling is, just pause and ask yourself, what am I thinking right now?
- 7:27Michelle Gauthier: And your body can be a great clue too.
- 7:28Michelle Gauthier: So maybe your shoulders slump or your chest gets tight.
- 7:31Michelle Gauthier: And just remember we're not judging ourselves for the thought.
- 7:34Michelle Gauthier: You didn't make yourself have it.
- 7:35Michelle Gauthier: We're just catching it.
- 7:36Michelle Gauthier: So you notice the thought, then you take step two and you check it.
- 7:40Michelle Gauthier: Ask the questions we just went through.
- 7:42Michelle Gauthier: Is there any way this couldn't be true?
- 7:44Michelle Gauthier: Would I say this to my best friend?
- 7:46Michelle Gauthier: Would I say this to my child?
- 7:48Michelle Gauthier: And even if the thought feels a little true, you've at least poked some holes in it, and that's usually enough to feel some relief.
- 7:54Michelle Gauthier: And then the last step is change it.
- 7:57Michelle Gauthier: Choose a new thought, and this is important.
- 7:59Michelle Gauthier: It can't be sunshine and rainbows because your brain won't believe it and it won't work.
- 8:03Michelle Gauthier: It has to also be true.
- 8:04Michelle Gauthier: So instead of I'm so behind, something is wrong with me, try something like I have a lot on my plate today, and I can just take on one thing at a time.
- 8:12Michelle Gauthier: Then you're able to get yourself out of that loop.
- 8:15Michelle Gauthier: And once you free up that space in your brain that those negative thoughts are taking up, you are free to do literally anything else.
- 8:23Michelle Gauthier: Most likely just get to work on the first thing that's on your list.
- 8:27Michelle Gauthier: So the big takeaway from today is to remember those three C's how to manage negative self-talk.
- 8:34Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes knowing what you should do and actually implementing it can be difficult.
- 8:40Michelle Gauthier: In January, I'm starting something called the Overwhelmed to Calm Club.
- 8:44Michelle Gauthier: I'm so excited about this.
- 8:46Michelle Gauthier: It is going to be a group that you can join where there's a place to practice this.
- 8:52Michelle Gauthier: Practice how to catch your thoughts, practice stopping negative self-talk, and learn all the tools to stop feeling overwhelmed with support and structure all year long.
- 9:02Michelle Gauthier: I will tell you more about it in my email tomorrow.
- 9:05Michelle Gauthier: So keep an eye on your inbox.
- 9:07Michelle Gauthier: If you're not signed up to get my Tuesday emails, you should be.
- 9:10Michelle Gauthier: Sign up for them.
- 9:10Michelle Gauthier: We've got the link in the show notes.
- 9:12Michelle Gauthier: This is also going to be my Black Friday deal.
- 9:15Michelle Gauthier: So I am offering this new club at a super low, lowest it will ever be price starting on Black Friday.
- 9:20Michelle Gauthier: So get on my list if you are not on it.
- 9:23Michelle Gauthier: If learning about the three C's and how negative self-talk can cause overwhelm was helpful to you, think of a friend who could use this information as well and send her this episode.
- 9:33Michelle Gauthier: Thanks for listening.
- 9:35Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 9:42Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com.
- 9:48Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.