Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1112 - Help for Halloween

Transcript

#1112 - Help for Halloween · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: wants answers.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Now today the podcast not really that excited about our topic.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. How's that for a great open up?
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Maybe you should take the top of this. I've been
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: getting a lot of media requests for this one. I've
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: spoken on a range of radio stations and in newspapers
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: for this one. But Kylie, I'm just not that excited. Nevertheless,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: it's one of those topics, isn't it. But do we
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: need to cover off?
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: You're just being a teaser right now. You're really not
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: into the Halloween spirit, are you.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: I think it was last year. Was it last year
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: or maybe the year before when we just moved into
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: this house and we did Halloween because ours is the
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Halloween house in the neighborhood.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Well it was before we moved into it.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Well we did it that first year, and it really
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: turned me off Halloween because you've just got all these
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: random people who show up bang on your door and
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: say I want some lollies. You got kids coming in
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: and out of your yard, and I know all you
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: do is chuck sugar at people, and then it's over
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: a couple of hours later, when you run out of
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: lollies and you put a sign up saying don't knock
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: on my door anymore. I've run out that kind of big.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: The neighborhood grench. I didn't think you'd become that.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: But seriously, I'm feeling I'm not feeling the Halloween vibes,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: and I'm listening to myself as I'm speaking. I'm thinking
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I do something.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Like things a Halloween Grench.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: I think they might be I sound like a bit
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: of a grump. You are. We need to talk about it, though,
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: because they're not all about you.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: There are lots of families out there that absolutely love this.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: They look forward to it all year round.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: You're making me feel so bad.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, today we're going to talk about a handful
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: of things. Yeah, how parents can balance children's desires for
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: independence but maintaining a sense of safety.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: It's really hard keep them safe when they say I
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: want to go and knock every door in the neighborhood
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: and I don't want you to come with me.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: We'll explore some alternative ways to celebrate Halloween that feels
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: good for everybody.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, And we'll.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Also look at how Halloween can help us to foster
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: a sense of community and be a positive social experience
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: for our kids, which is.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: The one thing that I really do like about Halloween.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: I'm just not that into it, and doing it a
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: couple of years ago highlighted that for me.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: But our kids were younger. Yeah, we'd never done Halloween.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: No, we waited years.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: But we had friends who opened up their backyard and
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: invited all of our friends to come along and do
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: a trunk or treat.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: These were friends with a very big backyard.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: I had never experienced anything like it, and it was
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: so much fun.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So, for the uninitiated, trunk or treat basically means
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: you drive your cars to a place and you decorate
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: the boot of the car or the trunk of the
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: car if you're from America, decorate the boot of the
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: car with Halloween stuff and then everyone just sort of
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: walks from car boot to car boot and it says
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: trick Ordrey, and you play the games or you give
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: away the lollies and the sugar.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: And as the friends that we did it with, they
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: were so creative, it was amazing. One friend had a
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: van and she completely blacked out all the windows and
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: created like a haunted house inside the van. Yeah.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we had several friends. Like it sounds kind of
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: lame the way that I said I had that little
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: snarky tone in my voice when I said it, But
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: they were really great events and we did them several
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: years in a row, which kind of changed my tune
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: on Halloween. I think, do you know what I think
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: really is at the heart of it, I've just got
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: a lot on at.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: The moment, And I was about to say the same,
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: I've got to be in the head. We feel very
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: time poor at the moment, and the idea of doing
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: another thing on top of our list right now feels
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: a lot. So I'm with you in that. But I
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: think that there's so much positive we can talk about.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: All right, let's dive into this. I want to answer
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: the question that most media outlets have been asking me first,
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: which is, how are we supposed to let the kids
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: kind of go crazy in the neighborhood and have lots
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: of fun while keeping them safe.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: So I kind of feel like this is a really
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: easy one, and I think it's a bit of a
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: no brain.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, we'll go for a Missus Perrying expert Missus.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: Message something here that what we're going to say, Well,
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: this is about community, right, So first things first, I
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: think that it if our kids are at an age
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: where we would allow them to go to the shops,
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: for instance, with a handful of friends, then it doesn't
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: make sense that it would be an issue for them
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: to walk around the street.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Precisely with a handful of friends, which is what I've
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: said in the media. This is all about age. So
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: if the children are old enough to go to the
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: park or go to the shops on their own, which
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: I would say is sort of ten plus, if they've
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: got a couple of friends that they can go with,
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: go for it. Kids, And so long as they've got
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: good manners, and so long as they not beating up
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: other kids for their lollies on the street corner before
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: they go to their next house, so long as they're
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: behaving themselves and not being any social this is a
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: really fun opportunity for them to spread their wings. It's
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: the younger kids that I'm probably a bit more nervous about.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: So for younger kids, I've watched parents do it, and
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: I think it's great. Parents down on the curb, they
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: watch their kids and they let them walk to the
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: door and knock on the door by themselves. It's just
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: little steps that you're taking so that your kids feel
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: like they're actually doing it on their own.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Have you been eavesdropping on my media interviews, because that's
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: pretty much what I said.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Oh sorry, no, I don't listen to the media.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: Let me take this a little bit. You listen to
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: me when I'm having a conversation anyway in the office.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Further discussion around this, I think for regardless of the
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: age of your child, you probably do want to have
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: a quick boundary stting conversation. Which streets are okay, which
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: streets are not okay? How far are you allowed to
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: roam from home? How late can you stay out, especially
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: if the kids are going to go out independently. Rules
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: about not entering somebody's house, that's number one. Yeah, no matter,
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: come on in. I've got a special treat for you. No,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: You're never into somebody's house under any circumstances.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: But what I've also noticed, especially in our neighborhood, is
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: that people only do it from about five till seven,
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: once it starts to get dark. Yeah, all of the
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: kids have gone home totally.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: It is a really, really short window a couple of hours.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: It's intense in our neighborhood, at least for that a
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: couple of hours.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: That's because we brought the Halloween.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Now do you think that we should do it tonight?
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: I'm just starting to think I'm starting to get in
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: the mood for it. I'm really starting to feel the vibe.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: The second key discussion point that I thought was worth
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: bringing up is a lot of families aren't that into
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Halloween either for personal reasons. I still talk to a
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: lot of people who, for religious reasons, don't want to
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: celebrate Halloween. Some people just don't like the emphasis. Especially
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: in Australia, we get very much into the blood and
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: gore and the ghouls and goblins and the skeletons and
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: that sort of stuff.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: It's interesting because I talk to all of my American friends,
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: and we have a lot of friends in the States,
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: and they just say, it's not like that.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: It's just dress up nights. They have so much mister
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Incredible or as a Smurf or whatever, like it's just
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: fun getting dressed up, and it doesn't have the bloodthirsty
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: elements that we seem to have emphasized and accentuated in Australia.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: No, and I think that they go back to the
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: grassroots of what Halloween is all about. And I just yeah,
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: we've taken it to the extreme. I think.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So let's say you want to promote community, but
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: you're not so keen on that obviously. Well, I mean,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: we're doing this on Halloween, so it's a bit late.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: But being creative with your costumes and staying away from
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: the blood and guards is completely appropriate. And just find
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: you mentioned the trunk or treat events that we used
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: to do for next year, folks put this in your
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: diary a month out and organized something early around a
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: trunk or treat. It really is a delightful way to
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: create the community and maybe have a Halloween celebration that's
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: more aligned with where you sit because you can bring
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: people along on your page.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: Well, another thing that we did recently was friends of ours,
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: though actually new friends. We met them pretty much for
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: the first time going to their place for Halloween. They
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: just invited us and we went over and we had
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: dinner and she'd done these crazy Halloween themed meals. We
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: had brains and it looked amazing. It wasn't really brains,
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: it just it was like It was so much fun though,
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: and she'd kind of set up stations for the kids
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: throughout the house that they could have activities and have
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: fun that Halloween theme, but it was completely controlled within
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: her own space and the kids could go and have
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: a ball.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's what I was going to say. When
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: you want to create a sense of community and want
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: to do it in a way that really prioritizes safety,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: the keyword that you're focusing on is having a controlled environment. Yeah,
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: that does it, and you can still create the community
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: with your friends. There's just less focus on knocking on
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: doors and taking lollies off strangers. I mean, we spend
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: our lives raising our children and saying, whatever you do,
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: don't take lollies from strangers, and then on Halloween it's like,
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: change their minds. Take as many lollies off the strangers
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: as you possibly can fill the bucket.
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: Another idea that a handful of our friends have done
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: in the past is they've actually picked trusted neighbors or
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: friends and dropped off trees and asked if they would
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: participate so their kids can go on their own independently
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: knock on some doors because they know them, and it
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: just means that neighbors can be involved without having to
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: go to any effort.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Okay, one last discussion point around Halloween and community and
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: fostering that spirit of connection and so on. We've kind
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: of dipped in and out of this, but I want
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: to get really explicit about it. Explicit is that the
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: right word here. I want to be really really clear
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: and emphasize a couple of things that can absolutely work.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: I think Halloween can be a great excuse to get
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: to know your neighbors. So whether you're decorating your house,
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: which does take effort, and we certainly have not put
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: in the ft this year, handing out lollies, creating a
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: festive atmosphere. Some neighborhoods organized block parties. We live in
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: a cul de sac, and there has been talk for
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: Christmas that we might block off the street and get
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: everyone together. I just think it's really fun for families
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: to connect. We're increasingly isolated, We're increasingly focused on our
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: screens and on our busyness. We've all just got so
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: much to do. I think it's a chance to break
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: down barriers, build relationships with people that you might not
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: otherwise interact with. I know that I'm a bit grinchy
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: this Halloween because we have so much on but it
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: really is a fun and festive occasion and.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: You can't change chair halfway through.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: I know I already agreed with you at the start.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: It's okay. I'm just wondering whether or not if we
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: pop down to the supermarket I'll be able to pick
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: up enough treats to keep people happy tonight. I still
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: feel like they need to work for it. I got
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: in trouble two years ago when we did this because
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: I was making kids try to throw stuff into a bucket,
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: and if they couldn't get it in the bucket, they
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: didn't get the treat, and I got in trouble for that.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: But I think that was the right deal. Rather than
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: just handing out the candy. I think that they've got
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: the candy. I've just become American handing out the lollies,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: the chocolate whatever. I think they need to work for it.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: You're hush, you don't agree with me. I don't think
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: it's about working for it. I think it's about enjoying
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: being in the space together.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, A couple of other positives that I want
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: to highlight here. This is a great opportunity for us
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: to teach our children's social skills manners interacting with other people.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: When you can sort of be anonymized because people can't
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: see your face, it can also be a confidence booster
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: for shy and anxious kids. For families, I think that
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: it's an opportunity to create traditions and memories. And I'm
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: talking myself further and further into this the more we
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: go into it. I just think that the idea here
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: is that as parents, if we can help our kids
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: to learn how to be safe, learn how to engage
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: with other people, learn how to navigate the neighborhood, learn
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: how to experience different scenarios. I just think this is
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: really healthy for them.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Well, I am telling you that if you could get
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: yourself together in the next few hours, you would make
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: Best out of the Year award with Emily.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: Oh gosh, the pressure is right on now, just saying Okay,
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: let's do it Halloween at our place. We're going to
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: be the Halloween house again this year. I can't believe
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: you've talked me into it. I might have to tell
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: the team that I need to take half the day
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: off work. What do you think got to be something
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: in it for me. The Happy Family's podcast is produced
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: by Justin Rulan from Bridge Media. Happy Halloween. We hope
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: that you have a wonderful Halloween experience. Hopefully there's been
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: a couple of ideas here that are helpful, and we're
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: back tomorrow with old Do Better Tomorrow on The Happy
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: Families Podcast