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Making Finances Less Spooky: The Money Conversations Wealthy Women Avoid · The Wealth Cafe

• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Happy Halloween and welcome back to this week's spooky episode of the Wealth Cafe.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Caroline Tannis, lead financial advisor and founder of Tannis Financial Group.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And in the spirit of this season and for Halloween week, I thought we would talk about things that actually scare people.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: No, this is not haunted houses.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: This is not jump scares.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: The things that make accomplished, financially sophisticated, high-achieving women feel that knot or pit in their stomach when they think about them.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because here is what I've learned after almost a decade of sitting with women who have built extraordinary wealth.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: The financial conversations that get avoided, they aren't avoided because these women, they don't know any better.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: They get avoided because something about them feels so uncomfortable or dangerous or even premature.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: And most commonly, naming it makes it even more real.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a cost to avoidance that no one talks about.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: The financial conversations that you don't have are making decisions for you right here, right now.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: It could be the estate plan that you haven't signed and it's directing your assets in a way that you probably didn't intend, or the wealth conversation you haven't had with your adult children because you're leaving them unprepared.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And here is the real cost of avoidance that nobody talks about.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: The financial conversations you don't have are making decisions for you.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: The estate plan that you haven't signed is directing your assets in ways that you probably didn't intend.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: The wealth conversation that you haven't had with your adult children is leaving them unprepared.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: And the numbers that you don't look at, they're not gonna get better by not being looked at and paid attention to.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is about naming the things that scare us.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And no, not the ghosts, but the financial conversations and decisions that wealthy women avoid most consistently.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to give you a framework to how actually face them head on.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: We are gonna go through the five most common financial fears that I see with the women I work with.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to recognize and figure out which one, if not multiple, you see yourself in.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then I want to give you something that you can do about each one before the end of October and this spooky season.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get into it.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: So, fear number one is the unsigned estate plan.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to start with this one because it's one that I see most often.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: You have an estate plan, or you know in the back of your mind you need one.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: The attorney has drafted the documents, or you've been meaning to schedule that meeting for two, maybe 10 years.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And somehow it keeps not happening.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: The folder sits on your desk, you think about it, you move on.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Life happens.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: What makes this scary is not that you don't care about what happens to your estate.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: You probably care deeply.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: What makes it scary is that signing the documents makes death feel very real.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And for women who have built their identities around capability and forward motion, sitting down with mortality paperwork is one of the few experiences that stops them dead in their tracks.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Pun intended here.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the cost.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you die without a current executed estate plan or with one that was completely written for a different version of your life and wealth, your assets now are going to pass on in ways that you didn't design.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: It might be formula clauses that distribute different amounts than you intended, or the people that you wanted to protect are protected differently than you planned for.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your charitable intentions aren't being honored, or your family is left to manage consequences of your avoidance during the periods of their deepest grief.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the reframe: signing your estate documents, it's not accepting death.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: It is an act of love for the people who come after you.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it is the most concrete expression of your values that your wealth allows.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: The sooner you do it, the longer it has to work.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it is the greatest gift that you can give someone this upcoming holiday season.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Fear number two, the wealth conversation with adult children.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: I will say this is probably the second most common avoidance that I see, and it carries one of the highest long-term costs.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Most wealthy women have not had real conversations with their adult children about what they are going to inherit.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't have to be the exact numbers, though too often that is also avoided.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: But the spirit behind the wealth, what was the cost to build it?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: What values created?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: What do you hope that your children will do with it and what you're hoping they won't?
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: The avoidance usually comes from one of three places.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Some women feel that talking about their money with their children is uncomfortable or even a little bit braggy.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Some are afraid that their children will stop striving if they know what's coming to them.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the third reason is that some simply haven't found the right moment and the years just keep passing by.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the cost.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Research consistently shows that 70% of wealth transfers fail by the second generation and 90% by the third.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: The failure is rarely about the legal structure, it is almost always about the human preparation.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Children who receive significant wealth without context, without values, without understanding are the ones most likely to dissipate it and all the faster.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: The conversation that you're avoiding is one that makes the inheritance meaningful.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the reframe: you don't have to share all of the numbers and details if you're not comfortable doing so, but you can share the values.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: You can tell your children what that money means to you and your spouse, what it costs the two of you to build, and what they hope and your hopes that they will do with it in the future.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: This conversation changes what happens to the wealth more than any trust structure or legal document could.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get into fear number three is the account that you don't look at.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: This one takes a few different forms depending on the woman we're talking about.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's the 401k from a job 15 years ago that was rolled over and never touched.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's a brokerage account that grew during a marriage and feels complicated almost to examine now.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Or sometimes it's that inherited IRA from a parent that sits in the background because dealing with it often means thinking about the person that left it to you.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: What all of these have in common is the avoidance is emotional, usually not financial.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Looking at the account means engaging with something that has a feeling attached to it.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the feeling is easier to defer than it is to face.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the cost.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Accounts that are not looked at are not being managed.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Old 401ks sit in default investment options that may not be appropriate for your current situation.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Inherited IRAs could have required minimum distribution rules tied to them with deadlines.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Unexamined accounts may hold outdated beneficiary designations.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: The thing that you are not looking at, it's making its own decisions.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the reframe: you don't have to examine every account alone.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Bring your advisor into the room and say, I have this account.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'd like for you to look at it with me.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: That single sentence is all it takes to start.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: And if they won't do it with you, that might tell you a lot about the relationship and it might be time for a new advisor.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Fear number four, the advisor conversation you have been avoiding.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: This is a fear that most advisors will never name because it's about them.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Many women in this audience have a feeling about their financial advisor that they haven't acted on.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's a sense that the relationship just isn't quite right and that their advisor doesn't fully understand their situation.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it's that they've been meaning to ask some hard questions, but the relationship has been in place for so long that raising those questions, it feels disloyal or even disruptive.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the fear is often the conversation itself.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it typically goes like, I've been thinking about this, whether it's the right relationship or it's still the right fit, or I don't feel like you understand the complexity of my financial life, or I want to ask some questions about how my money is actually performing net of fees.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Here is the cost.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: A financial advisor relationship that isn't serving you, it's not a neutral situation.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: It has an active cost in missed opportunities, in plans that don't fully reflect your values, or in conversations that aren't being had because the relationship doesn't feel safe enough to have them.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the reframe: a good financial advisor welcomes those hard questions.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: The advisor who gets defensive when you ask about fees, performance, or fit, that defensiveness tells you something.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: You are the client.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is your wealth, this is your life, and you are allowed to ask anything you want.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: I will say politely, is typically appreciated.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Fear number five is the number that you haven't calculated.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: This last fear is the one that's the most quiet and can creep up on us.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's often the number that women are afraid to add up.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's the total of what they are spending.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it is the true after tax value of their estate.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's even the projection of what their retirement income will actually look like.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's a simply, okay, do I have enough?
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: The avoidance comes from a belief, and it's usually an unconscious one, that calculating the number makes the answer real.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: That if you don't know the number, then you can continue to assume that the answer is it's probably fine, don't worry about it.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: That the not knowing is safer than the knowing.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the cost.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: The number that you haven't calculated, it's still the number, no matter what.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Your financial reality exists, whether you look at it or not.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And the women and their families who look at their numbers, all of them clearly, are the ones who can make informed decisions.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: The ones who avoid them are making decisions just in the dark, hoping that the outcome is good.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the reframe: the number almost always turns out to be better than the fear of the number.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: And when it isn't, even when the honest accounting reveals that there is a gap, which in many times there is, knowing the gap is the beginning of the plan.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Avoidance is not protection, it is just delayed reckoning.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Let's recap our five fears, one each.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to pick the one that you want to face this spooky season.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to give you one action for each fear that I named.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not asking you to do all five.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: I am asking you to pick one that made you feel something inside, the specific discomfort of recognition.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to do that one thing before Halloween and this spooky season is over.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Fear number one, for the unassigned estate plan, schedule the meeting.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Not next month, this week.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Call your estate attorney and put it on the calendar.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't have an estate attorney, ask your financial advisor for a referral or reach out to us here at TANIS Financial Group.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: The meeting can happen in November, but the call, it can happen right now.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: For fear number two, for the wealth conversation that you need to have with your children, start small.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to reveal everything all in one sitting.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Send your oldest child that text saying, I have been thinking and I'd like to have a real conversation with you about our family's finances sometime this fall, maybe even when they're home for the holidays.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Not to overwhelm you, but just because I want you to be prepared.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: This text is merely the beginning.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Fear number three, for the account that you don't look at.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Tell your financial advisor the name of the account this week.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Literally say the words or send the email.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: There is an account that I haven't looked at in a long time, and I want to review it with you.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's all you have to say.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's all it takes.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't have to open the statement alone.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: That way, your advisor should follow up with it during your next meeting or review.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Fear number four, for the advisor conversation you've been avoiding.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to write down three questions that you've been meaning to ask your advisor and haven't.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Just write them down on paper, on the notes app, in your phone.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to send them today, but writing them down makes it real, which makes them feel askable during your next meeting.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Fear number five, for the number that you haven't calculated, ask your advisor in your next meeting or send them an email and ask them to give you one clear number and say, based on everything that I have, what is my projected annual income in retirement, the after tax number?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's all you need is just this one number.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: The full picture can come later.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Start here.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: The financial conversations that we avoid, they aren't scary because the answers are always terrible.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: They are scary because a lot of times it makes things real.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: And real, when you actually look at it, is almost always more manageable than the avoidance that we are imagining and drumming up in our heads.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Happy Halloween and go look at this one thing this spooky season.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode resonated with you, and I mean that stomach drop moment of, oh my gosh, she is talking to me.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Please share it with those that you love.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Send it to the woman whose life you know has the unassigned estate plan or the account that she doesn't look at, or maybe the advisor conversation that she's been meaning to have.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: This is the episode that she needs.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Be the person in her life to send it to her.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And make sure you hit follow so you will be here for every episode as it comes.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are ready to stop avoiding and start looking at all of your financial picture with clarity and with someone who sees things before they happen and wants to handle things proactively with you, head over to tannisfingroup.com slash contact to apply for a complimentary intro call this spooky season.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: I look forward to seeing you next time for an episode of the Wealth Cafe.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time,