Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 337. ENCORE: How to be Self-Assured and Comfortable in Your Own Skin

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337. ENCORE: How to be Self-Assured and Comfortable in Your Own Skin · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:02
Speaker 1: A listener production after the Town. Why am I jealous
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Speaker 1: live with half a brain. This is do your fucking
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Speaker 1: mind mindset Hacks for a Badass Light, hosted by me
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Speaker 1: Alexis Fernandez. Hello, my beautiful beans, and welcome to the
0:27
Speaker 1: podcast episode of Today. I am still away on vacation.
0:32
Speaker 1: I'm currently in Europe. I'm actually recording this before I'm
0:36
Speaker 1: in Europe, so let's be honest. I'm not currently in Europe.
0:38
Speaker 1: I'm recording this sitting in my stunning, beautiful recording little space.
0:43
Speaker 1: But when you listen to this, I'm going to be gallivanting,
0:46
Speaker 1: probably around Paris, which is my old home spirit city.
0:50
Speaker 1: If you follow me on Instagram at Alexis Predez pred S,
0:54
Speaker 1: go check it out. You'll probably be seeing me share.
0:57
Speaker 1: My aim is to croissants to day. If I do more,
1:01
Speaker 1: then that will be celebrated. But I'm trying to find
1:04
Speaker 1: the best croissant in Paris, and I've got all these recommendations.
1:08
Speaker 1: I've got all these lists to go through. I will
1:11
Speaker 1: be a very very very very happy individual while there.
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Speaker 1: So having said that, I thought I would release a
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Speaker 1: few OnCore episodes while I'm gone, And this episode of
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Speaker 1: Today is one. It's from the episode one hundred and fifteen,
1:26
Speaker 1: and it is how to become more self assured. This
1:29
Speaker 1: is a topic that I get asked about a lot,
1:31
Speaker 1: and I think it's really important to touch on this topic,
1:34
Speaker 1: revisit this topic, and it's something that needs to be
1:37
Speaker 1: worked on all the time, just like a muscle, just
1:39
Speaker 1: like your health, it's something that you constantly have to
1:41
Speaker 1: do upkeep. So if you have been with me from
1:44
Speaker 1: the beginning and you have listened to this episode back
1:46
Speaker 1: in the day, listen to it again. I sometimes listen
1:49
Speaker 1: back to my own episodes and be like, oh yeah, true,
1:52
Speaker 1: and then you know, bring that back into my everyday
1:57
Speaker 1: habits and you know, behaviors and mats and things like that.
2:01
Speaker 1: You know. I feel like sometimes we circle back to
2:03
Speaker 1: something that we used to do and be like, Wow,
2:04
Speaker 1: that really worked for me and I stopped doing it.
2:06
Speaker 1: I'm going to start doing that again. Okay, So definitely
2:09
Speaker 1: check this one out. Even if you think think oh yeah,
2:11
Speaker 1: I'm pretty confident as it is, it's still worth your
2:14
Speaker 1: while to listen to this episode because there's always always
2:17
Speaker 1: work that can be done to feel better and better
2:19
Speaker 1: and better about ourselves and more confident in our own skin.
2:23
Speaker 1: So hopefully you enjoy the episode. Love you guys so much,
2:26
Speaker 1: and thanks as always for your support. Love you guys. Hello,
2:32
Speaker 1: my beautiful beans, and welcome to today's episode. So this
2:35
Speaker 1: episode is going to be Oh, look, there's a lot
2:38
Speaker 1: to talk about, to be honest with you guys, but
2:39
Speaker 1: it's basically around self assurance and what comes with self
2:45
Speaker 1: assurance and what happens or where it stems from when
2:49
Speaker 1: you don't really feel self assured. And a lot of
2:52
Speaker 1: it does have to do with self love, but a
2:54
Speaker 1: whole bunch of it is kind of not necessarily just
2:58
Speaker 1: about self love, kind of doubles and confidence as well.
3:01
Speaker 1: But I think this is a topic in and of itself,
3:03
Speaker 1: and a lot of people struggle to assert themselves in
3:07
Speaker 1: certain situations, especially when they feel pressure from society other
3:12
Speaker 1: people around them. But the big one is pressure from parents.
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Speaker 1: Not wanting to disappoint your parents or your family or
3:19
Speaker 1: maybe like a community it could be for whatever reason,
3:23
Speaker 1: so we're going to go into all of that and
3:25
Speaker 1: how to kind of get more self assured and really
3:28
Speaker 1: just get deep into who you are and just live
3:31
Speaker 1: from that angle. So that's what this episode is going
3:34
Speaker 1: to be about. Anyway, let's get straight into the topic
3:36
Speaker 1: of today, So let's do it. It's becoming self assured.
3:40
Speaker 1: So firstly, let's talk about what is it when you
3:43
Speaker 1: are not self assured and where does that come from. Okay,
3:46
Speaker 1: it's not just going to break it down into a
3:47
Speaker 1: bunch of points. Firstly, Number one, it comes from trying
3:51
Speaker 1: to please others at the expense of pleasing yourself. If
3:55
Speaker 1: you do that all the time, if it's your parents
3:57
Speaker 1: or your friends or family, or community or strangers or whoever,
4:01
Speaker 1: you're always trying to please them at the expense of
4:04
Speaker 1: pleasing yourself, You're not going to feel very self assured
4:07
Speaker 1: when it comes to the crunch and you want to
4:08
Speaker 1: stand up for yourself or you want to give your opinion.
4:11
Speaker 1: If you think that it might offend or it might
4:13
Speaker 1: make someone uncomfortable, then you're less likely to do it.
4:16
Speaker 1: So you kind of always feel like a bit uneasy
4:18
Speaker 1: about who you are around certain people. Number two, it
4:21
Speaker 1: comes from not wanting or not knowing how to say no,
4:26
Speaker 1: out of fear of kind of the outcome, out of
4:28
Speaker 1: fear of making it an uncomfortable situation or just disappointing somebody.
4:33
Speaker 1: Number three, it's when you have a sense of responsibility
4:37
Speaker 1: to keep the peace. So it's basically this need to
4:40
Speaker 1: avoid conflicts, and you think that it's up to you
4:42
Speaker 1: to keep the peace. So in your mind, you're like,
4:45
Speaker 1: I don't mind that they voice their opinions, but I
4:47
Speaker 1: couldn't voice mind because if I voice mind, then there
4:49
Speaker 1: won't be any peace, and it's my responsibility to keep
4:53
Speaker 1: the peace. So in other words, you become smaller, You
4:56
Speaker 1: shut your mouth, you don't speak your mind. Now, I minde.
4:58
Speaker 1: Everything I'm talking about here is I'm not talking about
4:59
Speaker 1: being rude and giving unsolicited comments. This is just about
5:02
Speaker 1: you being yourself and talking about what you want, what
5:05
Speaker 1: you believe, all of that kind of stuff. Okay. Number four,
5:08
Speaker 1: it's this idea of not knowing how to be yourself
5:12
Speaker 1: just as you are, so just existing and saying what
5:17
Speaker 1: you see as the truth about your life. You know
5:19
Speaker 1: a lot of people do struggle with that and they
5:21
Speaker 1: feel that that's like it's a lack of self assurance.
5:24
Speaker 1: When you can't, you feel a bit uncomfortable in your
5:26
Speaker 1: own skin. I guess that's ultimately what self assurance is.
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Speaker 1: Are you or are you not comfortable in your own
5:32
Speaker 1: skin at all times? Number five it's a fear. This
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Speaker 1: is a big one. It's a fear of not being
5:37
Speaker 1: relevant just in life, and so you're always editing aspects
5:42
Speaker 1: of yourself or editing aspects of your life to remain
5:46
Speaker 1: relevant because you think, if I'm no longer relevant, who
5:49
Speaker 1: am I? What do I have that makes me me?
5:51
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm useless or I don't you know? Who
5:54
Speaker 1: am I? Now? What is my identity? If people aren't
5:57
Speaker 1: always coming to me for either advice or because I'm
6:02
Speaker 1: popular or because I'm really good at this career or
6:04
Speaker 1: I'm high up in my job. If I don't have that,
6:06
Speaker 1: then what do I have? And Number six, it's this
6:10
Speaker 1: idea of feeling responsible for other people's reactions to something
6:17
Speaker 1: that you have done in your life. I'm talking about
6:20
Speaker 1: decisions that you make about your own life. But you
6:22
Speaker 1: are fearful to take action on your own life because
6:25
Speaker 1: you think that it is up to you or it
6:27
Speaker 1: is your fault that someone else is going to react
6:29
Speaker 1: that way. This is a big one with parents, you know,
6:31
Speaker 1: like if your parents have a lot of pressure on
6:33
Speaker 1: your career and what you're wanting to do with your
6:35
Speaker 1: life or who you're going to date or where you're
6:37
Speaker 1: going to live, you genuinely a lot of people will
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Speaker 1: feel that they are responsible for how their parents are
6:43
Speaker 1: going to react when they tell them, Oh, I am
6:46
Speaker 1: actually moving to another city, or I'm actually gay, or
6:49
Speaker 1: you know, and they think like, oh, I shouldn't. I
6:51
Speaker 1: should hide that from them because I don't want them
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Speaker 1: to have this reaction and it is up to me
6:57
Speaker 1: if they're going to have that reaction or not, when
6:58
Speaker 1: in reality, obviously that's not the case. So let's talk
7:02
Speaker 1: about ways now. So those are the kind of the
7:04
Speaker 1: main points of what it is or where having a
7:07
Speaker 1: lack of self assurance comes from. There's obviously a whole
7:10
Speaker 1: bunch more, and I'm sure that you can kind of
7:12
Speaker 1: apply basically what I've been talking about to your own
7:14
Speaker 1: life and find your own examples. But basically, like I
7:17
Speaker 1: said earlier, self assurance is you just being comfortable with
7:20
Speaker 1: who you are, and you being that version of yourself
7:24
Speaker 1: in all areas okay, And in addition to that, because
7:29
Speaker 1: that's one thing, being comfortable in your own skin at
7:32
Speaker 1: all times, but separate to that, it's this idea of
7:35
Speaker 1: knowing who you are no matter what. A lot of
7:39
Speaker 1: the time people attach their identity to their jobs, to popularity,
7:44
Speaker 1: to a trend, to their appearance, to a whole bunch
7:47
Speaker 1: of things, to who they're dating, maybe, to a community
7:50
Speaker 1: or a religion or whatever. And they so heavily attached
7:54
Speaker 1: their sense of self to that that when something changes
7:57
Speaker 1: or something ends, or you know, something breaks down or failed,
8:01
Speaker 1: they then don't know who they are. They lose their
8:04
Speaker 1: sense of self, and that's where a lot of people
8:06
Speaker 1: can spiral into a depression or a lack of their
8:11
Speaker 1: sense that they are worthless or that no one will
8:14
Speaker 1: love them, or that they have nowhere else to go.
8:16
Speaker 1: So it's this feeling of being lost when you lose
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Speaker 1: the sense of who you are. When you are self assured,
8:22
Speaker 1: you know who you are at all times, no matter
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Speaker 1: what's going on in the periphery, and you are comfortable
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Speaker 1: in your own skin to just be who you are
8:30
Speaker 1: no matter who you are around. So that sounds fucking amazing, right,
8:34
Speaker 1: Like that sounds so good, and I think that most
8:36
Speaker 1: of us, if not all of us, could get more
8:39
Speaker 1: of that into our life, like to would benefit from
8:42
Speaker 1: having more of that kind of energy, more self assurance,
8:45
Speaker 1: more of that. Okay. So it will definitely make you
8:48
Speaker 1: feel happier. It will allow you to do what you
8:52
Speaker 1: actually want in your life. It will allow you to
8:54
Speaker 1: know what you want and know what you don't want,
8:57
Speaker 1: and you're just going to I feel like you'll have
8:58
Speaker 1: a lot more fun with your life, like a lot
9:01
Speaker 1: more fun, because at the end of the day, if
9:03
Speaker 1: you're not having fun, what are you doing? You know,
9:05
Speaker 1: if you can't say, oh, I had X amount of
9:07
Speaker 1: times I had at least three or five or ten
9:09
Speaker 1: or twenty fun things happened to me today. If you
9:12
Speaker 1: can't say that, then something's up, Something is wrong, okay.
9:15
Speaker 1: And self assurance is one of the best and sure
9:18
Speaker 1: ways that you're going to have a better experience through
9:21
Speaker 1: your life. So now I'm going to go over I
9:24
Speaker 1: think it's seven six or seven points of what you
9:27
Speaker 1: can do to increase yourself assurance. Okay, So there's seven points.
9:31
Speaker 1: Let's get into it. Number one, you have to learn
9:36
Speaker 1: how to let others down when it comes to decisions
9:39
Speaker 1: about your own life. And look, even the term letting
9:43
Speaker 1: people down I think should be used for way less
9:46
Speaker 1: than what it is used for. This idea of I
9:48
Speaker 1: don't want to let my parents down, that statement, I
9:50
Speaker 1: don't even agree with it existing anyway. And I'll explain this.
9:55
Speaker 1: Letting someone down is. For example, when you say to
9:59
Speaker 1: your friend, I'm going to help you move houses, don't
10:01
Speaker 1: hire a removalist, I'll be there at eight am and
10:03
Speaker 1: they're not rocking up. That's letting someone down, right, Or
10:06
Speaker 1: saying I'll pick you up and I'll take you to
10:07
Speaker 1: the airport but not doing it, that's letting someone down.
10:10
Speaker 1: Or you being part of a group assignment at UNI
10:13
Speaker 1: and just not pulling your weight, that's letting your team down.
10:16
Speaker 1: So those are ways where you are letting someone down.
10:19
Speaker 1: Where you commit to something and without giving an explanation
10:22
Speaker 1: and without prior warning, you just don't fucking show up.
10:25
Speaker 1: You don't come to the table and pull your weight.
10:28
Speaker 1: That is letting somebody down. Okay, letting someone down doesn't
10:33
Speaker 1: really apply for things that have to do with your
10:35
Speaker 1: own life, and it only indirectly affects other people. The
10:38
Speaker 1: other person or party or your parents are choosing to
10:42
Speaker 1: set themselves up for this potential disappointment. That is their choice.
10:45
Speaker 1: That was not your choice. They chose to have an
10:48
Speaker 1: idea of what you were going to do with your life.
10:50
Speaker 1: They chose to tell you about it, and then they
10:52
Speaker 1: chose to potentially get disappointed about it. That is one
10:55
Speaker 1: hundred percent on them. You had no saying this whole thing.
10:58
Speaker 1: You're just watching them career this illusion and then potentially
11:02
Speaker 1: get disappointed or potentially get excited. But that's all just
11:05
Speaker 1: a fucking illusion that they've created in their head. And
11:08
Speaker 1: that's not your problem or your responsibility. Yeah, okay, fair enough.
11:11
Speaker 1: You might have kind of agreed with them and kind
11:14
Speaker 1: of you know, rolled with this idea for a while,
11:17
Speaker 1: but ultimately you're not letting them down if you say,
11:21
Speaker 1: you know what, guys, I've actually changed my mind and
11:23
Speaker 1: that is not what I'm going to do with my life,
11:25
Speaker 1: and I'm going to change trajectory. I'm not going down
11:29
Speaker 1: that path anymore. If they then get disappointed, they are
11:33
Speaker 1: disappointed at their own illusion. Okay, they might think that
11:38
Speaker 1: you have let them down, and they might think that
11:40
Speaker 1: you have disappointed them, but again, that is their delusion.
11:43
Speaker 1: So while I don't even really believe in that statement
11:46
Speaker 1: that it should be worded that way, let's just word
11:48
Speaker 1: it that way for the sake of this point number one.
11:50
Speaker 1: Start getting good at letting people down for not living
11:55
Speaker 1: up to their expectations of you. Okay, And it could
11:57
Speaker 1: be like you can start fucking small, for example, your
12:00
Speaker 1: family or parent. I'm using the example of parents as
12:02
Speaker 1: one because that's one of the main ones that I
12:03
Speaker 1: get messaged about, but it could be about anyone. You
12:06
Speaker 1: might have your parents that are always talking about how
12:08
Speaker 1: much they love your hair. That way, you could never
12:09
Speaker 1: change your hair. Oh my god, you would never, You
12:10
Speaker 1: would never cut your hair, and then one day you
12:12
Speaker 1: just go and cut your hair if you want, obviously,
12:14
Speaker 1: not just to make a statement. If you want to
12:16
Speaker 1: cut your hair, just chop it fucking off and then
12:20
Speaker 1: rock up. Okay. That is a good way to start small,
12:23
Speaker 1: if you I mean, I'm all for like big, fucking
12:25
Speaker 1: big statements, but if you want to start small, little
12:27
Speaker 1: things like that, things about your appearance that you want
12:30
Speaker 1: to look a certain way, and they've always made a
12:32
Speaker 1: comment or a statement, that's a really good way of
12:34
Speaker 1: starting out. And a really key point here is that
12:38
Speaker 1: when you do make a decision that goes against what
12:41
Speaker 1: you normally do, because you don't want to rock the boat,
12:43
Speaker 1: you have to show that you are happy about this
12:45
Speaker 1: new decision. Often what people do is because we're sympathetic humans, right,
12:51
Speaker 1: so we try and soften the blow by acting like
12:56
Speaker 1: by mirroring our parents or mirroring these people that are
12:59
Speaker 1: judging us. Soften the blow by being like, oh, I
13:01
Speaker 1: don't know, I know, I know it's crazy, but no,
13:03
Speaker 1: you know, I just thought i'd try something to If
13:05
Speaker 1: you show that you're a little bit insecure about this decision,
13:08
Speaker 1: or that you you yourself, aren't really sure if it
13:10
Speaker 1: was the right thing, but you thought you get then
13:13
Speaker 1: these people who have this expectation on you and saw
13:16
Speaker 1: you change your mind, when they see that you're then
13:18
Speaker 1: unsure of that, they take that as see that they
13:22
Speaker 1: shouldn't have done it, they made a mistake. They this
13:25
Speaker 1: say that day that if you enter being like, oh
13:27
Speaker 1: my god, guys, I'm so thrilled with this decision that
13:29
Speaker 1: I've made. Look what I've decided to do, and then
13:31
Speaker 1: explain what you've decided to do, if they then come
13:34
Speaker 1: at you with like, oh, but that's not the right,
13:36
Speaker 1: that's you're just not that's not good for you. You say, well,
13:39
Speaker 1: can't you say that I'm thrilled? Would you rather me
13:41
Speaker 1: be happy? Or would you rather me do X y Z?
13:44
Speaker 1: What would you rather put? Put the question in their hands. Okay,
13:47
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, you have to
13:49
Speaker 1: start getting good at letting a quote unquote letting people
13:53
Speaker 1: down when it comes to decisions about your life. Practice
13:57
Speaker 1: practice practice, okay. Unber two. You want to learn how
14:02
Speaker 1: to say no when you want to say no, or
14:06
Speaker 1: you want to learn how to say it wasn't for
14:09
Speaker 1: me when something genuinely wasn't for you. This comes down
14:12
Speaker 1: to the idea of knowing when to quit. It is
14:16
Speaker 1: so important to know when to quit, and it's so
14:19
Speaker 1: important to understand the beauty of trial and error, the
14:23
Speaker 1: beauty of impermanence, the beauty of something new around the corner,
14:27
Speaker 1: the beauty of you know, short lived experiences and ending
14:32
Speaker 1: something at the right time. That is so important we
14:36
Speaker 1: I think so many people put importance on this longevity
14:40
Speaker 1: of something or fucking fighting it out or struggling the struggle,
14:44
Speaker 1: the struggle, the hustle, or the hustle even if you
14:46
Speaker 1: don't want to be there anymore, you don't want to
14:49
Speaker 1: do that. We put so much pressure in staying in
14:51
Speaker 1: somewhere for so long, and we glorify that. Well, not everyone,
14:55
Speaker 1: but a lot of people will glorify that that. This
14:57
Speaker 1: idea of chopping and changing and chopping and changing makes
15:00
Speaker 1: you know, you think, oh, well, if I do that,
15:02
Speaker 1: I must be lost. I must be lost, instead of thinking, actually, no,
15:05
Speaker 1: me shopping and changing is listening to what I want.
15:08
Speaker 1: It's me being empowered. It's me being like, I've given
15:10
Speaker 1: this a go and it hasn't really worked for me,
15:12
Speaker 1: so I'm now going to change to something else. This
15:15
Speaker 1: idea of if you can start getting really good at
15:18
Speaker 1: saying that's not for me or that wasn't for me,
15:22
Speaker 1: then you start to really release a lot of this
15:25
Speaker 1: pressure that you feel from the people around you that
15:27
Speaker 1: expect things from you all the time, and all you
15:30
Speaker 1: have to do is adopt the word anymore. So, for example,
15:35
Speaker 1: if someone's saying to you, oh, but you still always
15:38
Speaker 1: love doing that, you always loved going there, you say, yeah,
15:41
Speaker 1: I did, but not anymore. Or if someone says, oh
15:45
Speaker 1: my god, lol, that personality type that's so you that's like,
15:48
Speaker 1: that's typical of you to always do that. You say, yeah,
15:51
Speaker 1: it was, but it's not anymore. It's changed, or it
15:56
Speaker 1: could be anything like I used to love this job,
15:58
Speaker 1: but I don't anymore. You have to learn how to
16:01
Speaker 1: draw the line in the sand and make it very
16:04
Speaker 1: clear and express that to people. Okay, you have to
16:08
Speaker 1: be able to say when people questioning about why you
16:10
Speaker 1: change your career, you can just say it was not
16:13
Speaker 1: for me, it was no longer for me. I didn't
16:16
Speaker 1: like it, I didn't want it. If you say, oh,
16:19
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm not sure. I just I just don't,
16:23
Speaker 1: then people will try and convince you to go back,
16:26
Speaker 1: or convince you to stay, or convince you to fight
16:28
Speaker 1: for years and years and years of doing this fucking
16:30
Speaker 1: same shit again and again, because they might think they
16:33
Speaker 1: might be confused in thinking that you want to a
16:35
Speaker 1: lot of the time people that put pressure on other
16:38
Speaker 1: people is because they are trying to take control of
16:41
Speaker 1: the situation that they think needs controlling. Okay, if you
16:46
Speaker 1: are always like, oh, I don't know what, but deep
16:48
Speaker 1: down you're like, I fucking know what I want, but
16:49
Speaker 1: I just don't know how to say it, other people
16:52
Speaker 1: e g. Your parents might be looking at you being like, fuck,
16:55
Speaker 1: this kid needs to fucking be steered in a direction.
16:57
Speaker 1: I don't think they know what they want, and you
16:59
Speaker 1: might deep down just not have explored enough to know
17:01
Speaker 1: what you want. You don't need guidance twenty four seven
17:04
Speaker 1: from your parents when you're an adult, but you've not
17:06
Speaker 1: been able to say that. So all these people think, Oh,
17:09
Speaker 1: that person's timid, let's tell them what to do. That
17:12
Speaker 1: person looks shy, let's give them guidance. And it's frustrating
17:15
Speaker 1: because shy people and timid people don't lack direction. They
17:19
Speaker 1: might just not want to talk about it too much.
17:21
Speaker 1: But unfortunately they're the ones that are going to then
17:23
Speaker 1: get wrapped up in this push and pull from people
17:26
Speaker 1: around them trying to tell them what to do, when
17:28
Speaker 1: to do it, how long to do it for, who
17:30
Speaker 1: they should date, where they should live, all that shit,
17:32
Speaker 1: and people who are timid then think, oh fuck, and
17:34
Speaker 1: then they just swallow it because then they feel guilty
17:37
Speaker 1: because it's just gone for too long. Okay. Next one,
17:41
Speaker 1: number three, pay attention to how you feel when you
17:45
Speaker 1: hit milestones in your life. Okay, so when you achieve something,
17:51
Speaker 1: when you you know, when you've gotten a promotion, or
17:55
Speaker 1: where you've gotten a medal, or when you've spent x
17:57
Speaker 1: amount of time doing something or any kind of achievement.
18:00
Speaker 1: Do you feel relieved or do you feel happy? Do
18:07
Speaker 1: you feel calm and excited or do you feel relieved?
18:10
Speaker 1: That is a warning, a big warning sign that you
18:13
Speaker 1: might be doing something for someone else instead of doing
18:16
Speaker 1: something for you, or in reverse, when something doesn't go
18:20
Speaker 1: right for you that you've tried out, do you feel
18:23
Speaker 1: a lot of pressure? Do you feel a huge sense
18:26
Speaker 1: of internal disappointment or do you feel kind of a
18:29
Speaker 1: little bit like, okay, back to the drawing board. How
18:32
Speaker 1: can I approach this differently? A little bit bummed, but
18:35
Speaker 1: like okay, let's do this again. What is your initial
18:38
Speaker 1: feeling when something goes wrong? Is it fear? Is it
18:40
Speaker 1: like fuck? Do you feel I just want to give up?
18:43
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm hitting a wall and I just
18:45
Speaker 1: want to give up. Or is it like wow, I'm
18:48
Speaker 1: really bummed, I'm not really that happy. I just need
18:50
Speaker 1: to read group and I'll be fine. That is a
18:52
Speaker 1: really good indicator to let you know am I doing
18:54
Speaker 1: this for me? Roma doing this for somebody else? Because
18:57
Speaker 1: if you're doing this for somebody else, then it's never
18:59
Speaker 1: gonna to be for the right reason. Those things are
19:01
Speaker 1: never going to make you happy. Okay, And I'm going
19:04
Speaker 1: to at the end of this episode, I'm going to
19:07
Speaker 1: talk about why it's never even going to make the
19:10
Speaker 1: people that you're trying to make happy. Why will never
19:12
Speaker 1: make them happy either? Okay, and I will go into
19:15
Speaker 1: that inner sect. But pay attention to these warning signs
19:19
Speaker 1: of how you are feeling. It's really good to identify this.
19:21
Speaker 1: And then once you can identify and acknowledge, wait a minute,
19:25
Speaker 1: I shouldn't. I should be feeling happy about this moment
19:28
Speaker 1: right now, but I'm just relieved because the pressure was
19:30
Speaker 1: so big. And if I didn't get this thing, or
19:33
Speaker 1: win this race, or win this award, then what would
19:36
Speaker 1: my parents have thought? What would they have thought about me?
19:39
Speaker 1: Would they be embarrassed? Would I have let them down?
19:41
Speaker 1: All these things? Then that's a big indicator that maybe
19:43
Speaker 1: you need to step away and at the very least
19:46
Speaker 1: take some time out from what you were doing. You know,
19:49
Speaker 1: so often people glorify these particular careers. It could be sport,
19:53
Speaker 1: it could be you know, acting, it could be whatever
19:56
Speaker 1: it is, and a lot of careers. Sport, for example,
19:59
Speaker 1: has a really short shelf life, and when you have
20:02
Speaker 1: a career with a short shelf life, the pressure that
20:04
Speaker 1: you put on yourself is fucking astronomical. It is absolutely
20:07
Speaker 1: bullshit that you will withhold from experiences just so you
20:11
Speaker 1: can slog out this career and if you love it
20:14
Speaker 1: and if you want it, then by all means, go
20:16
Speaker 1: ahead and do it. But a lot of the time
20:18
Speaker 1: people stick it out because of pressure, external pressure and
20:22
Speaker 1: other people's expectations around them. And also for a lot
20:25
Speaker 1: of people that are in sports as an example, they
20:28
Speaker 1: also stick it out because they feel guilty because of
20:31
Speaker 1: all the people that have helped them get to where
20:33
Speaker 1: they are, and they feel indebted to these people forever,
20:35
Speaker 1: so now they don't. These people are sitting here, might
20:38
Speaker 1: be you here, might be someone else sitting there thinking
20:40
Speaker 1: I don't actually know what I want to do right now.
20:42
Speaker 1: Because I've always said I want to do this, everyone's
20:45
Speaker 1: then pushed me to do it, and everyone's then identified
20:48
Speaker 1: or they see my identity tied to this sport or
20:51
Speaker 1: career or you know, decision about myself. Okay, next one
21:10
Speaker 1: number four, and this ties to identity. Ask yourself, Who
21:15
Speaker 1: would I be without all these things in my life?
21:18
Speaker 1: Who would I be without this career, without these wins,
21:21
Speaker 1: without this money, without this popularity, or without these friends?
21:25
Speaker 1: Who am I? And if you struggle to come up
21:28
Speaker 1: with an answer, then you need to do some work
21:31
Speaker 1: on yourself. And it's actually quite exciting because it's like
21:34
Speaker 1: a good place to start in a way. You know,
21:36
Speaker 1: if you could ask yourself, if I could no longer
21:39
Speaker 1: do what I want to do, if I could not
21:43
Speaker 1: do this job, or if I could not aim for
21:45
Speaker 1: this thing that I want to achieve and that ended
21:47
Speaker 1: and I had to choose something else, or if I
21:50
Speaker 1: could not look the way I look right now and
21:54
Speaker 1: have you know, people always compliment me on my appearance,
21:57
Speaker 1: and that be part of my identity. I't do any
22:00
Speaker 1: of that. How would I feel about me? How would
22:04
Speaker 1: you feel about who you are? Would you feel like
22:06
Speaker 1: a failure? Would you feel lovable? Would you feel that
22:11
Speaker 1: people would still gravitate towards you? Would you feel that
22:15
Speaker 1: people would want to spend time with you? Or do
22:17
Speaker 1: you genuinely think that if you didn't have these things
22:20
Speaker 1: that you're attaching yourself to, or this career or this
22:24
Speaker 1: medal or this win. Do you think that people would
22:27
Speaker 1: forget about you and you would become irrelevant Because self assurance,
22:33
Speaker 1: weirdly enough, or ironically enough, or whatever you want to
22:36
Speaker 1: call it, comes from a lack of attachment to all
22:39
Speaker 1: these external things. The less attached you feel to these titles,
22:44
Speaker 1: to these wins, to this career, to this whatever, the
22:48
Speaker 1: calmer you feel, the more grounded you feel, and the
22:51
Speaker 1: happier you are to say no, I don't like that,
22:55
Speaker 1: get away from me. I'm not interested. I want that.
22:57
Speaker 1: I'm going there, I'm moving here, going to ask you
23:00
Speaker 1: out on a date. I'm going to be okay. If
23:03
Speaker 1: that doesn't work out for me, I am fine. That
23:07
Speaker 1: is being self assured. It's this calm, fucking peaceful energy
23:12
Speaker 1: of whatever's happening on the fucking surface of this ocean
23:16
Speaker 1: is going to happen. Something's going to be a bit
23:17
Speaker 1: more dramatic than others. Some is a ripple, some is
23:20
Speaker 1: a fucking huge wave, but I'm chilling well under the
23:23
Speaker 1: surface that I'm still going to be fine. There'll be
23:26
Speaker 1: a bit of movement, but I'm going to be fine.
23:28
Speaker 1: That is self assurance. It's this idea that you truly
23:31
Speaker 1: understand that who you are is not conditional to what
23:36
Speaker 1: your job is to if you want to medal or not.
23:39
Speaker 1: If you competed in this thing or not, if you
23:42
Speaker 1: won that contest, if you got that promotion, if that
23:44
Speaker 1: person decided to date you, if this group of people
23:47
Speaker 1: wants you to hang out with them or not. Okay.
23:49
Speaker 1: Self assurance is you know what if that happens, or
23:51
Speaker 1: if that doesn't happen, I am still me. So you
23:54
Speaker 1: need to ask yourself. There's questions would you be okay
23:58
Speaker 1: if you didn't have that thing that you're working towards.
24:01
Speaker 1: If the answer is no, then you probably have some
24:05
Speaker 1: kind of insecurities there or issues with self love, or
24:09
Speaker 1: on the flip side, you probably think that, oh, I
24:11
Speaker 1: would still want to do something. I could be something
24:14
Speaker 1: else or someone else, or the world could be my
24:16
Speaker 1: old star. But if I don't follow through and I
24:19
Speaker 1: don't do this, I'm letting someone down. And I would
24:22
Speaker 1: rather do this and have these people be happy then
24:25
Speaker 1: disappoint these people and live with the guilt for the
24:27
Speaker 1: rest of my life. You have to ask yourself all
24:29
Speaker 1: these questions because at the end of the day, if
24:31
Speaker 1: you can't be self aware. You can read all the
24:34
Speaker 1: help self help books. I've read this great quote, but
24:36
Speaker 1: it's something along the lines. You can read all these
24:38
Speaker 1: self help books, you can listen to all these self
24:40
Speaker 1: help podcasts, you can do all the study in the world.
24:43
Speaker 1: But if you are not self aware, it is a
24:45
Speaker 1: waste of your time. So I'm always asking you to
24:49
Speaker 1: ask yourself these questions and be frank with yourself and
24:52
Speaker 1: write it down and then revisit it at the end
24:55
Speaker 1: of the week or at the end of the day,
24:56
Speaker 1: or at the end of the month. So like, take me,
24:58
Speaker 1: for example, I've got this podcast and I fucking love
25:01
Speaker 1: this podcast. I always say that this podcast is like
25:04
Speaker 1: my purpose, But what's really my purpose is me expressing
25:09
Speaker 1: myself and sharing my passions with people. If all of
25:13
Speaker 1: a sudden the podcast, you know, crumbled and no one
25:16
Speaker 1: decided to listen, would I be bummed? Of course I would.
25:19
Speaker 1: I've poured my heart and soul into it, and I'm not,
25:21
Speaker 1: like I have a fucking soul like of course I
25:24
Speaker 1: would be upset. But at the same time, I would
25:27
Speaker 1: understand that I have discovered this passion in me and
25:31
Speaker 1: it's to share education, and it's to you know, to have.
25:34
Speaker 1: I love infecting other people with my passions, and like,
25:38
Speaker 1: if someone wants to talk about the brain, I want
25:40
Speaker 1: to talk about the brain. So as bummed as I
25:42
Speaker 1: would be, I would not I would I would regroup,
25:46
Speaker 1: I would heal. But then I would be like, Okay, well,
25:49
Speaker 1: I know that what I love to do is share
25:52
Speaker 1: my passion and share my knowledge. That my purpose could
25:56
Speaker 1: still exist, and that is to share the knowledge and
25:58
Speaker 1: to try and help people improve their relationship with themselves.
26:02
Speaker 1: That's ultimately what I love to do. If someone if
26:05
Speaker 1: I can help one person or a billion people, I'll
26:07
Speaker 1: be thrilled regardless. So I would then take that understand
26:11
Speaker 1: that what I am is someone that likes to do
26:13
Speaker 1: that specifically, and though I would apply that in other areas.
26:17
Speaker 1: So you have to ask yourself, Okay, I'm not these
26:20
Speaker 1: specific things, but what is an overarching thing that really
26:23
Speaker 1: makes my heart sing? And it could be I like
26:25
Speaker 1: just making people smile, or I like distracting people from
26:28
Speaker 1: things that stress them out, so you could be a
26:29
Speaker 1: comedian or like me, I like helping people change the
26:34
Speaker 1: relationship with themselves, or it could be something completely different.
26:36
Speaker 1: I like inspiring people to know that they can just
26:39
Speaker 1: do what they want to do and give less of
26:41
Speaker 1: the fuck. It could be whatever the fuck you want
26:43
Speaker 1: it to be, but understand what your overarching theme is,
26:47
Speaker 1: and it should be something that makes you thrilled when
26:50
Speaker 1: you think about it. And if you're not thrilled when
26:52
Speaker 1: you think about it, it's probably not your purpose. It's
26:54
Speaker 1: probably something that you've probably done for too long and
26:56
Speaker 1: you're fucking over it. But you just don't know how
26:59
Speaker 1: to let go of it, because who would you be
27:01
Speaker 1: if you let go of it? You have to understand
27:03
Speaker 1: that you should always be you, regardless if things work
27:07
Speaker 1: out for you or not, regardless if that dream that
27:09
Speaker 1: you have works out how you thought or not. Okay.
27:12
Speaker 1: Number five, get good at quitting when things aren't your thing? Okay, Like,
27:18
Speaker 1: but it's this concept of knowing when to quit, okay,
27:22
Speaker 1: And it's this idea that you know. I think there's
27:26
Speaker 1: so much shame around quitting, and because of that, we
27:29
Speaker 1: staying things for too long. We don't want to disappoint.
27:32
Speaker 1: We think, oh fuck, it's bad enough if I quit,
27:34
Speaker 1: But what will people think of me if I quit?
27:37
Speaker 1: It's this, it's such a loaded thing. It's such a
27:40
Speaker 1: loaded word. Quitting, get good at quitting. Fucking quit, quit
27:44
Speaker 1: all the shit you don't want to do, Just quit? Okay, What,
27:46
Speaker 1: like I said at the start of this podcast, the
27:48
Speaker 1: fuck is the point of doing something if you're miserable
27:51
Speaker 1: and depressed? Okay? What to make more money? To have
27:54
Speaker 1: a fucking title next to your name? What's the point?
27:57
Speaker 1: Ask yourself these questions like bigger picture shit. Okay. So
28:02
Speaker 1: I always say, like, really, get to know yourself and
28:05
Speaker 1: learn when is the appropriate time to quit? And a
28:08
Speaker 1: really good thing to do. And I was talking to
28:10
Speaker 1: my sister about this today and we were like having
28:12
Speaker 1: this whole brand storm pretty much about everything I'm talking
28:14
Speaker 1: about in this podcast. My sister and I am, my
28:16
Speaker 1: auntie and uncle. We were all having this conversation. But basically,
28:20
Speaker 1: a really good thing to do so you can get
28:22
Speaker 1: better at quitting is try a whole bunch of things
28:25
Speaker 1: all the time. So, like, start this short course, see
28:27
Speaker 1: how it goes. If you don't like it, quit it.
28:29
Speaker 1: Start learning this language. If you're not a fan of it,
28:32
Speaker 1: quit start getting good at like, you know, constant change
28:36
Speaker 1: and evolution in your life, and you're going to notice
28:38
Speaker 1: the things that that you like. You will gravitate towards
28:42
Speaker 1: and you will just do. Obviously, I'm talking within reason.
28:45
Speaker 1: You need to fucking pay your rent and pay your
28:48
Speaker 1: way through life. So I'm not saying, oh, you don't
28:49
Speaker 1: like your job quite I'm talking about within reason. But
28:53
Speaker 1: you can quit your job and have a temporary job
28:55
Speaker 1: in the meantime while you're sorting out who you are.
28:58
Speaker 1: If that job represents insane amounts of stress, you can
29:03
Speaker 1: be on a bit of a budget. If it means
29:05
Speaker 1: having some peace of mind and not working up with
29:07
Speaker 1: severe anxiety every time you have to go into work.
29:09
Speaker 1: You can do that. You know, there are a lot
29:12
Speaker 1: of things that you can do that while you and
29:14
Speaker 1: still be responsible and still be independent and still have
29:17
Speaker 1: control over your life situation. Do you know what I mean? So,
29:21
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is get used to the impermanence of things,
29:24
Speaker 1: and you will start to learn this is the beauty
29:26
Speaker 1: of it. You will start to learn that the things
29:29
Speaker 1: that you like, the things that you're interested in, the
29:31
Speaker 1: things that resonate with you, are not going to feel
29:34
Speaker 1: like a slog. They might be hard work, they might
29:38
Speaker 1: take effort, but they're not going to feel like a
29:40
Speaker 1: fucking slog. And I've said this so many times and
29:43
Speaker 1: I'll say it again. For me, I've never worked harder
29:47
Speaker 1: in my life, but I've never tried less. Okay, this
29:52
Speaker 1: whole pushing against the grain and try I've never tried
29:56
Speaker 1: less in my life to do well. I've never worked harder.
29:59
Speaker 1: But this work that I do now, it's clicked right,
30:02
Speaker 1: and there's a fucking flow to it. And the effort
30:05
Speaker 1: that I put in and the energy that I put
30:07
Speaker 1: in is I put in high energy all the time,
30:09
Speaker 1: and I put in effort. But it just doesn't feel
30:12
Speaker 1: like this fucking struggle or a strain or I'm pushing
30:16
Speaker 1: against the current. It just doesn't feel that way. And
30:18
Speaker 1: that's what you will discover when you start chopping and
30:21
Speaker 1: changing and quitting and starting. The things that are meant
30:23
Speaker 1: to stick will stick because you will be gravitating towards
30:27
Speaker 1: those things. So that's what I mean when you should
30:29
Speaker 1: get good at quitting. If you don't feel that way,
30:31
Speaker 1: if it feels like this crazy resistance against the current,
30:34
Speaker 1: that's probably a sign that it's not for you. If
30:37
Speaker 1: you can't remember the last time that thing made you happy,
30:40
Speaker 1: you should be reassessing if you should be doing what
30:42
Speaker 1: you're doing. And when you learn to quit, when you
30:45
Speaker 1: learn to say that's not for me anymore, I'm done, goodbye,
30:48
Speaker 1: I'm getting rid, you will start to gain a huge
30:51
Speaker 1: sense of who you are, a huge sense of self assurance.
30:55
Speaker 1: You're going to realize, wait a minute, I'm finally listening
30:57
Speaker 1: to what I want to do, and I'm willing to say, oh,
31:00
Speaker 1: I'm done. I'm willing to turn my back on this,
31:02
Speaker 1: despite what some people might think, despite quote unquote alerting
31:06
Speaker 1: someone down, because I've stopped and thought about it, and
31:09
Speaker 1: all I'm doing here is pushing against the grain. And
31:11
Speaker 1: I can't remember the last time I smiled doing this, well,
31:14
Speaker 1: the last time I felt genuine elation instead of relief.
31:18
Speaker 1: You know, you're going to realize that if you can
31:21
Speaker 1: let go of those things and of course identify, you're
31:24
Speaker 1: going to be way more self assured. You're going to
31:26
Speaker 1: start to realize, I don't need to put up with
31:29
Speaker 1: that shit. And that is one of the best ways
31:31
Speaker 1: of feeling self assured is realizing what you will and
31:33
Speaker 1: will not put up with. Okay, the last one is
31:36
Speaker 1: number six, and it's this idea of don't fall for
31:40
Speaker 1: the trap of feeling responsible for other people's happiness. When
31:45
Speaker 1: you fall into that trap, thinking that you actually are
31:47
Speaker 1: responsible for other people's happiness and that you can actually
31:50
Speaker 1: do something about it, you actually rob yourself of living
31:54
Speaker 1: the life that you want to live. You rob yourself
31:57
Speaker 1: of knowing what you want, yourself of knowing who you are, okay,
32:03
Speaker 1: and you also rob yourself of exploring new aspects of
32:06
Speaker 1: your life that you never even dreamed being a possibility
32:09
Speaker 1: because you had put all these roadblocks into place, you
32:12
Speaker 1: are cock blocking yourself from experiencing something new and exciting
32:15
Speaker 1: in your life. When you feel responsible to make other
32:19
Speaker 1: people around you happy, okay, especially the ones that put
32:22
Speaker 1: pressure on you to do certain things or be a
32:24
Speaker 1: certain way. And then the other problem with falling for
32:28
Speaker 1: that trap is that you kind of exacerbate and blow
32:31
Speaker 1: up this false concept that you can make that other
32:34
Speaker 1: person happy in the other person's eyes. So, for example,
32:37
Speaker 1: if it's your parent that's always like, you've got to
32:40
Speaker 1: do this, You've got to do this. If you're like, yep, yep,
32:42
Speaker 1: I'll do what I want to make you proud, I
32:43
Speaker 1: want to make you proud. You're then, you know, enhancing
32:48
Speaker 1: that belief in your parent thinking they are my reason
32:52
Speaker 1: for happiness. They are my happiness. Their success is my happiness.
32:56
Speaker 1: And there's a difference. Your parents aren't thinking you are
32:58
Speaker 1: my happiness. They're thinking your achievements are my happiness. And
33:03
Speaker 1: that's not okay, And it's also obviously very toxic. You
33:06
Speaker 1: have to remind yourself you cannot make somebody happy. You
33:10
Speaker 1: can't make your parents happy. If your parents are the
33:13
Speaker 1: kind of parents that genuinely believe that your achievements will
33:17
Speaker 1: make them happy, then they are delusional, okay, and a
33:22
Speaker 1: good test to know. If your parents are like, no, no,
33:25
Speaker 1: you make me happy, not your achievements, then you say, well,
33:28
Speaker 1: quitting this makes me very happy and I'm really happy.
33:30
Speaker 1: So are you now happy that I'm happy? Or are
33:33
Speaker 1: you sad that I'm not achieving this? And then you're
33:36
Speaker 1: going to realize where their mind is at. Okay. And
33:40
Speaker 1: if they say, oh, no, but you achieving this will
33:43
Speaker 1: make you happy and will make me happy, then they're
33:45
Speaker 1: just caught up in a life, okay. They're caught up
33:48
Speaker 1: in this life expectations of other people around them, whether
33:51
Speaker 1: it be their friends or their community or their whatever.
33:54
Speaker 1: Parents that have and really pay attention to who's surrounding
33:58
Speaker 1: the people that put pressure on you. Parents as the example,
34:01
Speaker 1: who put pressure on you to be a certain way,
34:04
Speaker 1: are pressured by another group of people, whether it's a religion,
34:07
Speaker 1: whether it's their friends, whether it's their community, whether they
34:10
Speaker 1: feel that they're falling short because the people around them
34:13
Speaker 1: have all these achievements to their names. Okay, they're not
34:16
Speaker 1: just isolated out of no reason, out of the blue.
34:19
Speaker 1: Are going to have all these expectations on you, expectations
34:22
Speaker 1: come from other expectations on them, which come from other
34:25
Speaker 1: expectations on them. This is a really like culty thing,
34:29
Speaker 1: but it happens, and it happens all the fucking time,
34:32
Speaker 1: and this never ending cycle from generation to generation or
34:35
Speaker 1: friend group to friend group. Nobody is happy. So you
34:39
Speaker 1: might think, oh, I'm making my parents happy by achieving this,
34:42
Speaker 1: but no, you're not. Your parents are feeling relieved because
34:44
Speaker 1: now they can appease the people that are putting pressure
34:47
Speaker 1: on them to have a child that does X, or
34:49
Speaker 1: they can appease their community or their group of friends,
34:53
Speaker 1: or whoever it is that they're trying to impress. So
34:56
Speaker 1: you now start to understand that you're not making them happy.
34:58
Speaker 1: You're just relieving them, just like you feel relieved when
35:01
Speaker 1: you achieve something that you know beyond. The reason you
35:04
Speaker 1: feel relieved is because the pressure is momentarily lifted off
35:08
Speaker 1: you and you find it like, oh, okay, okay, I'm
35:10
Speaker 1: not going to disappoint these people. They're feeling the same way. Okay.
35:13
Speaker 1: So every time someone puts pressure on you, it's a lie,
35:16
Speaker 1: and it's a trap to think that with that pressure,
35:19
Speaker 1: if you achieve something, they will then be happy. They
35:23
Speaker 1: will not be happy at best relieved. True happiness comes
35:28
Speaker 1: from shared happiness. You slogging it out and doing something
35:32
Speaker 1: and someone being quite unquite happy. That's not true happiness.
35:34
Speaker 1: That's all external bullshit, ego ego, external shit. Only true
35:38
Speaker 1: happiness can be shared, and that's when you are happy
35:41
Speaker 1: and when they are happy and you can share it together.
35:44
Speaker 1: But you can't make them happy, okay, so you might
35:46
Speaker 1: as well just fucking not bother. If you can't make
35:48
Speaker 1: someone happy being miserable, and if you can't make someone
35:51
Speaker 1: happy being happy, then just don't bother. I mean, still
35:54
Speaker 1: love them, still be a good kid, whatever, but just
35:56
Speaker 1: stop trying, because these people ultimately are all going to
36:00
Speaker 1: be waiting for that next expectation the next expectation. The
36:03
Speaker 1: best thing to do is to draw some fucking boundaries,
36:06
Speaker 1: and I've got a few podcasts on that, and create
36:08
Speaker 1: a standard of like, this is where I'm at right now.
36:10
Speaker 1: I'm not going to fall for that trap anymore. I
36:13
Speaker 1: am not doing that. That is not me anymore. No, no, goodbye.
36:18
Speaker 1: In my opinion, one of the best things you can
36:20
Speaker 1: do for the people around you is show them what
36:22
Speaker 1: it's like to rid yourself off the pressure, to rid
36:25
Speaker 1: yourself off these expectations and these you know, cultural whatever
36:29
Speaker 1: that is around you, and be like, I'm done doing that.
36:32
Speaker 1: The more people that do that, the more people will
36:35
Speaker 1: feel comfortable doing the same thing. And the more you
36:38
Speaker 1: do that, the more you're going to know who you are,
36:41
Speaker 1: and the more assertive you will become. When you don't
36:44
Speaker 1: have expectations and pressure on you, or when better said,
36:48
Speaker 1: when you don't feel controlled by the expectations and the
36:51
Speaker 1: pressure on you, and you're able to compartmentalize that and
36:54
Speaker 1: push it aside, being like, that's not my box to
36:56
Speaker 1: deal with, you fucking take it back. When you do that,
36:59
Speaker 1: you will feel a lot carmer with who you are.
37:02
Speaker 1: You'll feel a lot more willing to try new things,
37:04
Speaker 1: experiment new things, start and start again and start again
37:08
Speaker 1: at different times in your life until you find what
37:11
Speaker 1: clicks and when, when it is clicking or when it's
37:13
Speaker 1: not clicking, you know that you're still okay, and you
37:16
Speaker 1: know what. Ironically, and not in all cases, I'm sure,
37:19
Speaker 1: but ironically, when you become more assertive and when you
37:23
Speaker 1: become more aware of who you are, that's when things
37:27
Speaker 1: actually start to work for you. That's when things start
37:31
Speaker 1: evolving at a pretty good pace. That's when you start
37:34
Speaker 1: to find where your passion is and that's where you
37:36
Speaker 1: start to excel at it. It sounds ironic because here
37:39
Speaker 1: I am saying queer, don't like slog this out, but
37:42
Speaker 1: that is just how it is. Because you are aligned
37:45
Speaker 1: with you like, you end up actually finding what you want.
37:48
Speaker 1: You end up finding your real purpose, not what you
37:51
Speaker 1: think was your purpose, and then you go down that
37:53
Speaker 1: path and you go with the current, and that is
37:57
Speaker 1: when things unfold for you at a pretty fucking awesome pace. Okay,
38:01
Speaker 1: So hopefully this podcast resonated with you. Hopefully you found
38:04
Speaker 1: things that you really enjoyed in there and that you
38:06
Speaker 1: were able to use and if not pass this on
38:08
Speaker 1: to somebody that you think would find this useful as well. Guys,
38:11
Speaker 1: thank you so much as always for tuning in. You
38:13
Speaker 1: are doing amazing work sharing my podcast and I literally
38:16
Speaker 1: couldn't do it without you. Guys, you're a beautiful, awesome community.
38:19
Speaker 1: I love you all so much, and as always, remember
38:22
Speaker 1: be kind to yourselves, be kind to your brains, don't
38:24
Speaker 1: text shit from anyone, and especially don't take shit from yourself.
38:28
Speaker 1: Dun'ker listener