Latest / Why Not Today? with Leslie Kane / The Why Not Today? Podcast - Season 3 - Episode 39, Sam Horn, The Intrigue Agency

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The Why Not Today? Podcast - Season 3 - Episode 39, Sam Horn, The Intrigue Agency · Why Not Today? with Leslie Kane

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Welcome to the Why Not Today podcast.
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We celebrate courage, determination, and the power of saying, why not today?
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I'm your host, Leslie Kane, and each episode we dive into inspiring stories of individuals
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who have taken bold steps, faced their fears, and embraced the possibility of today.
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From entrepreneurs to artists, dreamers to doers, we explore the moments when they said,
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enough waiting, why not today?
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Join me as we uncover the heartwarming, the audacious, and the transformative, whether
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it's pursuing a lifelong passion, overcoming obstacles, or simply choosing joy.
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Our guests share their journeys and inspire us all.
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I started this podcast in honor of my father, Patrick Kane, who often said, why not today?
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And remember, you're just one decision away from changing your life.
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And my guest today, which I didn't realize when I met her, is kind of a rock star and
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done all kinds of cool stuff.
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But she was, it is Sam Horn, and she was on the, at an event I went to about a month ago.
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She was a keynote speaker.
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And from the minute you opened up your mouth, Sam started talking, like, she's my people,
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I need to know her.
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So as you started, and I don't know if you said something before this, but the first
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thing I heard was, I used to live in Reston and walked around Lake Anne every day.
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And I'm like, oh my gosh, she's my person.
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I do that every day.
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How we'd never crossed paths before, I have no idea.
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And then gotten to know you a little bit more and all the connections.
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And it's just so much fun to see how we're so connected.
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And I wish you still lived locally, but we're going to connect and get together and virtual
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still works.
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And so, and your love of water and your trip, I mean, just so many connections, like so
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many cool things.
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So I'm excited to have you here.
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And so Sam, why don't you introduce yourself and a little bit about you and a fun fact,
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and then we'll get into your curse journey.
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Okay, how about a two minute backstory and a fun fact.
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So I grew up on a horse in Southern California and a reporter asked me a couple of years
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ago where I got my confidence.
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Well, I got it on the back of a horse because even when I was eight, my sister was nine,
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we'd be gone all day on our horses and our parents didn't warn us.
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They didn't say, be careful.
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They figured that if we got bucked off, we'd figure it out.
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Bridal breaks, figure it out.
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And so both my sister and I see the world as an adventurous place, not a dangerous place.
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And that's where we got our courage from.
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And I have the pleasure of having a trifecta business.
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I coach, I write, I speak.
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When I coach, I work with clients like Sherry Salata, who is Oprah's executive producer,
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Terry Jones, founder of Travelocity, Larry Lynch, director of Disney Institute.
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I help them figure out their next.
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When I write, it's books like Tongue Food that have been selling around the world for
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more than 20 years and Pop, which Seth Godin gave a cover endorsement to.
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The latest one is Talking on Eggshells.
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And then when I write and I've talked about speaking and coaching, and when I speak, it's
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for clients like NASA and Richard Branson's New Now Leaders and Ted Fellows and Accenture and Oracle.
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A fun fact about me is that what do you think we did, Leslie, when my sister and I had our
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4-H sheep in showmanship at the Santa Maria County Fair?
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How did we keep them quiet in those showmanship classes?
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No idea.
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We gave them gum.
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Oh, okay.
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That's a fun fact.
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They are working on their gum.
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That is so much fun.
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So, well, as I said, I didn't know how much of a rock star you were.
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And as my dad always taught me, ask, the worst thing people can say is no.
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And so I'm so grateful that you said yes and then joining us here today.
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And it sounds like you've done some really cool things.
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And connected to a lot of amazing people.
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So I always, or let's start with what does courage mean to you?
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What is your definition of courage?
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You know, courage to me is acting with agency.
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In fact, that's the book I'm working on right now about agency.
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And I think agency is taking the initiative to improve what happens to us, by us, and around us.
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And notice the verb isn't control.
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We cannot control what happens to us, around us.
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We can improve it.
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Therein lies our courage.
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Therein lies our agency.
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And therein lies our destiny.
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So true.
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Yeah, and I can't wait to see this new book.
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So I have been reading the Take, Get People's Attention book.
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I've got your attention here.
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Yep.
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I listened to it while walking around the lake.
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And I can say I love listening to you speak that you're just so intentional and soft.
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And I can tell you exactly where I was in a lot of places around the lake.
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When I was listening to your book, I haven't started reading it because I want to be able
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to spend time to put some things in practice.
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But so much great wisdom.
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And it sounds like you've had a journey.
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You know, in fact, since your podcast is about Don't Wait, Why Not Today,
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you know, you're right.
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Well, we'll talk about the someday is not a day in the weekbook because both of us really
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share this philosophy.
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In fact, Renee Ricard said, tomorrow is another day.
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But so was yesterday.
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And we both agree.
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And John Legend said, the future is already here and we are already late.
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And that's why we choose to initiate instead of wait.
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Yeah, someday.
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I mean, we got we have to do it now and not wait.
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Yeah, it's funny when my dad, he has passed away.
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But when he was alive, people ask him, how are you?
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And he's like, I'm on this side of the grass.
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You know, I'm alive today.
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And I think we need to take it one day at a time.
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And it's interesting.
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You shared at your keynote about some day.
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And I'd love for you to share your story about when you're in California.
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And but then it was interesting.
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You shared the story about being in California, talking to your son and decided to take some time and enjoy life.
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And so you shared it then.
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I heard it on a pod or on your book that I was listening to.
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And then I was just randomly grabbed a book that I've read before and picked up to read again the other day.
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And I'm just in bed reading the book.
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And I'm like, oh, my gosh, there's like two pages on Sam Horne.
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I know her now.
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So it was just a cool coincidence.
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So in your journey, writing books and all the amazing things you've done, were there pivotal why not today moments?
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As I said, you remember exactly where you were, what you're doing that totally changed the trajectory of your life.
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What a wonderful question, Leslie.
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And I'll always be grateful to my dad because when I was about to go to college, all my teachers were saying, Sam, you've got to be a lawyer or a doctor to use your brain.
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Well, I'd grown up as an athlete, played a lot of tennis, and I wanted to study recreation administration.
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And a career counselor told me that was a joke, a slacker career, and that I should be more rigorous.
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Well, my dad gave me Gerta's quote, W.H. Murray's quote, about boldness has genius in it.
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And that when we are vacillating, that the universe cannot help us.
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And that as soon as we make a decision, providence then comes in and creates things that are better than we could imagine.
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And he said, Sam, whenever you're at a crossroads and you can't decide what to do, pick the bolder of the options.
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So, Leslie, I went with my gut and my heart and I went for what I wanted, what lit me up.
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And my whole life has unfolded from that decision.
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After college, the week after college, I was recruited to Sea Pines Plantation back on Hilton Head Island.
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I ended up working with Rod Laver.
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I was recruited by World Championship Tennis to come up to McLean, Virginia, open up the Regency Racquet Club, the first country club for racquet sports.
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Got to play tennis at the White House and so forth.
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And my whole life can be traced back to that pivotal decision.
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Instead of doing what I was being told to do, what I ought to do, what I should do, know what lights me up, what's aligned with what I want.
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And as you say, the rest is history and I'm very grateful for picking the bolder of the options.
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What great advice.
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And, you know, yeah, we need to do the things and not listen to all the voices.
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I was just at a meeting earlier and somebody said she wanted to be in the Peace Corps.
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Her mom told her no, she couldn't and told her all the reasons why and she didn't.
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Oh, yeah.
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You know, as you know, in the Sunday book, I talk about those regrets is that when we do not listen to that inner voice, it's trying to help us out.
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You know, our instincts have our best interest at heart.
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And, you know, the old parable about the boats and the helicopters, you know, the one I'm talking about.
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It's in case people haven't heard it 60 seconds.
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It's like there's a flood and the water is rising and a man climbs up on his roof and he prays to God to come help save him.
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And the helicopter comes and puts down a rope ladder and, you know, and he says, oh, no, no, no, God's coming to save me.
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And here comes a boat. Get in.
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No, no, no, no. God's coming to save me.
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And he drowns and he gets to heaven.
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He's so upset.
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He says, God, I pleaded, I begged him for you to come save me.
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And God says, I sent you a helicopter.
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I sent your boat.
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So if we pay attention, our instincts will alert us to something that resonates, something that's congruent, something that calls us.
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It's a boat and a helicopter.
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And if we act on it, I think we meet our best future halfway.
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Oh, absolutely.
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And I always try to coach people and encourage people like that thing that wakes you up at the night, that thing you just can't let go of.
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Like you just why not today?
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Just act and take that one step because we don't know what what's going to happen.
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And I love talking about regret.
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And I know you think Daniel Pink had endorsed your book or there's some connection.
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That's my super duper star that if you have any introductions, I would love to have on my podcast.
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When I started the podcast, his book had just come out on regrets.
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And I have quoted that many times like we never regret what we did.
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We regret what we didn't do.
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And then he actually started a movement.
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I don't know if you've seen this with he did.
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He's doing something in conjunction with the Washington Post called Why Not.
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Wow.
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And asking big questions like why not pay teachers over one hundred thousand dollars?
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Why not get rid of left turns like big questions he's asking.
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So when he announced that in the last year, people like, all right, that's the person you need to talk to.
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Like, yes, it is.
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So let's get back to you, though.
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So your someday story.
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And I love the story.
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And I can almost quote it verbatim.
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But talk about your the pivotal why not a moment in California with your conversation with your son.
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You know, thank you for asking, Leslie.
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And I thank my son many times for this.
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So I just finished a very intense two day consult in Southern California.
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And I'm sitting in my rental car and the phone rings.
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It's Andrew.
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And he sensed something in my voice.
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And he said, what's up, Mom?
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I said, Andrew, I'm so exhausted.
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I don't know how I'm going to get on that plane.
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I fly back to D.C.
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Then I fly back to San Francisco in a couple of days for a keynote.
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And he paused for a moment.
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And then he said, you know, there's something about you I don't understand.
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He said, you have your own business.
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You can do anything you want.
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And you're not taking advantage of it out of the mouths of 20 somethings.
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And so as a result of that, he said, Mom, he said, why don't you play hooky for a day?
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And now, Leslie, I know many people who listen to your podcast or business owners,
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they're maybe raising a family and working a full time job.
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It's hooky.
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You know, when was the last time you played hooky?
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How irresponsible, right?
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However, he said, you know, Mom, you can stay there.
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You can work from there.
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And then you can just fly up to San Francisco in a couple of days.
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And he booked me into the Laguna Beach Hotel.
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And an hour later, instead of exhausted and getting on a red eye, come back to D.C.,
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I am sleeping in the Laguna Beach Hotel with the window open and the sound of the surf.
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And I woke up that next morning and we get up and get going.
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Right.
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I mean, we've got things to do.
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And it's like, oh, I don't have to get up and get going.
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And I pulled up the covers and I plumped up the pillow and I went back to sleep.
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And I just set out exploring later on that day.
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And that was when was born, the year by the water.
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And I had, like many people who listen to your podcast, I had been a single mom.
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I'd been working seven days a week in order to make enough money to send my kids to college
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without college debt.
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And I'd been taking care of everybody else but myself.
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And I'd been putting everyone else first but myself.
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And I thought it was my time to put myself as lead in my own story.
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I gave away 95 percent of what I owned and then I headed out and I sailed the Chesapeake Bay.
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And I went to Monet's Garden, took a photography workshop from DeWitt Jones at Monet's Garden.
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And and Swam was Zach the dolphin.
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And I interviewed people and I said, are you happy?
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And if so, why?
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And if not, why not?
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And I will always remember a young man in his 30s and he had they he and his wife had two kids
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with special needs.
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And when I said, what's your dream?
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He thought about it for a moment.
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He said, I don't dream anymore.
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It's too painful.
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And so many people talked about what they wanted to do, but they were going to do it when they retired or when the kids went off to school or when they weren't so busy.
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And we come back to Dan Pink, Leslie, those are regrets waiting to happen.
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And that's when I wrote that book, Someday is Not a Day in a Week.
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So true.
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And it just breaks my heart that the people that are just so miserable.
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I was on a call the other day and it was a lot of people that worked for the government.
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And they actually have clocks you can buy that are countdown clocks till when you get to retire.
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Wow.
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That's sad.
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And I met some girl one day who just started working and she hated her job.
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I'm like, oh, get another job.
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And she goes, you're not supposed to like your job.
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That's what her parents had taught her.
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I've got to write that down.
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It just broke my heart.
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And her parents worked.
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People work to retire.
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And how many times have you heard the story of you retiring?
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And then you were a spouse has illness or something.
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I talked to somebody that worked in HR and she said, at least once a year, somebody retired.
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And within that first year, they had a heart attack.
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You know, Leslie, that statistic is in the Someday book because actually in part of the intro is about my father and the TEDx talk that I gave on Someday was about the
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My dad worked for the State Department of Agriculture in California.
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He was in charge of vocational ag education.
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He just so loved his students, his FFA students, the teachers.
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He drove around that state.
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I'm not exaggerating.
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Hundreds of times going to all the county fairs, the state fair, going to their farms, their ranches, going to the judging contest and so forth.
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And his dream was that when, gosh, I'm going to get emotional, Leslie.
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He was going to go see the national parks.
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You know, when he retired, he wanted to go see, you know, Zion.
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He wanted to see, you know, the Rocky Mountain and so forth.
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And when he retired, he took off.
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And a week later, he had a stroke in a hotel bathroom.
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And he recovered, but he never got to see those national parks.
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And I, you know, you're doing God's work here with your podcast is that what I found is that people
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think they're being responsible, that doing something we love is fun.
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It's maybe it's fun, but it's frivolous.
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It's indulgent.
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I mean, I have bills to pay.
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I have a family to take care of, you know, and we think we're doing the right thing.
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Here's the thing, though.
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What are we modeling for our kids that we're not supposed to like our job, that we're supposed
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to work seven days a week, that we're not supposed to do something that lights us up.
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That's fun.
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That it's bad.
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It's something to be ashamed of almost.
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That you put it off and then, you know, a week later you get a stroke.
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And so I hope what you're doing with your podcast is you're saying how precious life is.
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And we can be responsible and we can love our life.
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And that's what we want to model.
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That's what we're supposed to be doing is to have the best of both worlds instead of seeing one
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as I'll do it someday.
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Right. And so true, and we need to enjoy the life and do what gives us joy.
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There's so many similarities in your journey in mind and things you said.
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It's funny.
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And I think I mentioned this when we talked, but I did a couple of times what I called
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my toes in the sand tour.
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Can I tell you that?
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Yeah.
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That like I love the beach.
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And so, but I can work just like you work 24 seven and work to exhaustion.
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And so I try every month to take a week off or not a week off, take time off to go to the beach
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or the lake.
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Recently, because I'm doing two business, I'm a little busy.
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So I jumped in the car and drove an hour outside of Northern Virginia to meet somebody for lunch.
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Just I'm like, okay, I need a break.
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I need to fill my cup.
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And we need to do those things.
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Isn't it?
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Apollo Coelho said one day we're going to wake up and there won't be any time left to do the things
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we've always wanted to do.
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And once again, as you say, there's people who listen, you know, who work in the government,
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have full-time job, have kids they're raising.
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And they really think it's selfish once again, to do something that that to take an hour to go to
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lunch, you know, like I don't have time to do that.
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Well, the thing is, is that if we do that, it doesn't it give us energy that makes us
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enjoy our life?
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You know, it's like, it's such a win.
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And, you know, I really am a woman on a mission to stop using the word take time off work.
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Because Einstein said you can't solve a problem with the same thinking that caused it.
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And I think we can't solve a problem with the same language that caused it.
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And as you may know, 57% of people do not take their full paid two-week vacation.
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Let's look at that again.
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Two weeks a year, they get to do what they want and they don't even take their full two weeks
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paid vacation because their employees are counting on them or they've got to finish this project.
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And that is going down the rabbit hole of poor health.
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And so we are not taking time off work.
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We're taking time on life.
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And I was said, isn't it?
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It was absolutely the opposite.
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On life.
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And there was a gentleman at EO and I speak a lot for entrepreneurs organizations.
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So I'm speaking in Portland.
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And as a result of doing the someday talk and doing our four square box where we figure out
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what we're not doing that we want to and what we're doing that we don't want to, and then we change
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it, he realized that he has a 15 year old daughter who's on swim team and he's a founder.
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So it's very easy for him to get consumed by his business.
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Monday through Friday after our talk, he started taking time off at three o'clock.
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He drives to the high school and he drives his daughter to swim practice.
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It takes about a half an hour, but he already knows that that half hour with his
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15 year old daughter, when he is at the end of his life and he is looking back at the things
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that he did that felt so right that he will always be glad he did.
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He said, she's 15.
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How much longer is she going to want to talk to me?
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It's like spend time with me, have side by side conversations without interruptions.
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He said it is a treasure in his life that he takes a half an hour to drive his 15 year old
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daughter to swim practice Monday through Friday.
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That's amazing.
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My dad always owned a business my whole life.
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He was there for all of our activities.
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After dinner, he would go in his office, which was at the house or down at the other end of the lake,
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and would do work.
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But he went to the, he coached our soccer team and he went to our everything.
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It was kind of a pain having a dad as your coach because you couldn't.
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He was very active and a part of it and a part of our friends lives.
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That people would come over and they would come to go do something with one of us kids.
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He's like, grab that mulch, Sam, and mulch and they do it.
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I'm like, what are you doing?
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But when he passed away, people said they had had more conversation with my dad than
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they ever had their own father.
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I want to go back to that work thing because that's such a bad word that people talk about.
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It's got such a bad connotation.
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I think there's a difference too between owning your own business, which I'm so grateful that
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I started a Mary Kay business 30 years ago and quit my job 25 years ago, that I've had
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that flexibility.
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It doesn't seem like work.
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I've got no people that work like nine to five, there's a teacher, there's a teacher,
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they work in the school system.
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And then they're like, what are you doing this weekend?
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I'm like, I got some work to do.
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And they're like, oh, you got to work.
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Are you done working?
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I'm like, you never done.
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But I could, you know, yeah, I might work on a Saturday, but I'm taking Tuesday off.
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You know, Catherine Graham of the Washington Post said to do what you love and feel that
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it matters.
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How could anything be more fun?
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And the only thing that's more fun is to do what we love and feel that it matters and
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get to do it with people we enjoy and respect and get paid for it.
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And so what about that is work, right?
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It's a privilege.
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It's a joy.
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It is every single day we wake up and we look forward to the people we get to connect with.
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We look forward to the autonomy that we have and the creativity we have and the opportunity
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on a daily basis to make a difference.
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So let's redefine that.
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That is, you know, in fact, Richard Branson says, I do not see a difference between work
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and play.
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It's all the same thing.
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And I think that's a very healthy attitude.
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Absolutely.
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So with all your books, with all your knowledge, how would you, what other advice, courage,
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or there are other parts of your journey that you think the listeners would benefit from?
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More why not today moments or?
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You know, I get to tell you and I are both storytellers.
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And so I get to tell a story first and we both love quotes.
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So my favorite penis cartoon strip is Lucy.
24:12
It says, you know, I wonder if anyone really changes.
24:18
And Charlie Brown's kind of offended.
24:20
And he says, I've changed a lot this last year.
24:23
And she says, I mean, for the better.
24:28
So part of agency, the book I'm working on right now, and it has a lot to do with courage.
24:34
And that's the courage to improve what's happening to us around us.
24:38
We don't wait for someone else.
24:40
Well, it's their fault or no, they should go first.
24:42
No, no, no, we go first.
24:44
And here's one of my favorite stories.
24:46
We're going into Thanksgiving.
24:48
And a year ago, my son, Tom and his family and I visited my sister Sherry in California.
24:54
Now Sherry's been running my business for 25 years and her daughter works in her business with her.
25:01
So around the dining room table, we were just talking about looking forward to the new year.
25:05
And Christie, her daughter said, well, I would like to buy a ranch and rescue draft horses.
25:12
Well, we decided to jump on Zillow.
25:14
And how much is it?
25:15
Well, you're not going to get a ranch in California.
25:18
Well, how about Texas?
25:19
You know, they live in Texas.
25:20
So and we had a wonderful conversation and I thought that was that.
25:25
Well, that was not that.
25:27
I get a call from Sherry in January.
25:29
She says, we did it.
25:30
And I said, you did what?
25:32
She said, we bought a ranch in Texas.
25:34
We're moving March 15th.
25:36
I said, Sherry, that's six weeks away.
25:39
She said, I know.
25:40
And now once you, if it's not on the calendar, it's not getting done.
25:46
If it's not on the calendar, it's not getting done.
25:50
Since they were moving March 15th, now you can reverse engineer it, right?
25:54
Okay.
25:54
What are they going to do with their home?
25:56
Well, one of their employees will live in their home and run their California business
26:00
and they can open up.
26:01
Okay.
26:02
Solve that.
26:03
What are they going to take with them?
26:04
Well, they can only take so much.
26:06
And so they have a horse trailer.
26:08
What they can fit in their horse trailer and their van and they drive across.
26:13
Now think, I've lived on a ranch.
26:16
Things go wrong on a ranch.
26:17
The day after they got to the ranch and my sister and brother-in-law have lived in California.
26:23
All their life, they had never even been to Texas or seen this ranch.
26:28
The day after they get there, the plumbing goes out.
26:31
They're out in the middle of nowhere.
26:32
Can they find a plumber?
26:34
No.
26:34
Does Christy go online and study YouTube videos and figure out how to fix it herself?
26:40
Yes.
26:41
It's like a week later, big thunderstorm, tree comes crashing down, just misses their house,
26:47
blocks the road.
26:48
Do they have a chainsaw?
26:49
No.
26:50
Does their neighbor come over with a chainsaw and help them cut up that tree and haul it away?
26:56
And when she finds out that they're rescuing these draft horses who are in kill shelters
27:02
after working hard all their life, does she offer to rent her 14 acres to them for $60 a year?
27:09
Yes.
27:10
Wow.
27:10
They sponsored the local rodeo.
27:12
They're involved in the Chamber of Commerce.
27:14
Sherry, Jo, and Christy have changed their life more in three months than most people
27:19
have in 30 years.
27:21
Their whole life.
27:22
Yeah.
27:22
And it is, you know, we're coming to the end of 2024, Leslie, and I hope everyone in alignment
27:29
with what we're saying, what is one thing they can do themselves or with a loved one
27:34
or their families this year, 2024, so that when they look back, they will all, 2024 is
27:42
the year we finally went to Hawaii after talking about it for 20 years.
27:45
2024 is the year that we started having family dinner once a week.
27:51
2024 is the year that I finally started the book I've been talking about.
27:55
2020-24 is the year I got into pickleball.
27:59
My friends were enjoying it.
28:00
I thought 2024 is the year that I started walking around the lake every morning.
28:05
You know, what is something that we could do this year, put a date on the calendar so
28:10
that when we look back, we will always know that we took agency over our life instead
28:16
of waiting for some day.
28:18
And how often do we think, oh, I'll start that in 2025, which I was guilty of, but I
28:24
wanted to start, why not today, as an LLC.
28:27
You know when I started it?
28:29
January 1st of 2024.
28:31
But, you know, we got to do the things, yeah, in the bucket list.
28:37
I interviewed my guest that was on last week was Marissa Levin.
28:45
Yes.
28:47
And she shared after the podcast, she did a post, and she talked about it.
28:53
She did a post, and she talked about her LBL.
28:57
You know what that is?
28:59
Tell me.
29:01
Local bucket list.
29:03
Wow.
29:05
So I've often talked about bucket lists, and I had a very interesting guest.
29:09
Her name is Laura Carney, and I saw her on CBS Sunday morning.
29:15
I don't know if you've ever heard of her.
29:17
Her dad died, was killed by a distracted driver.
29:21
So several years later her brother found her dad's bucket list.
29:25
And she found that she did the bucket list and wrote a book called My Father's List.
29:31
Yeah, so she does dares with different organizations on doing your bucket list so I'm very much about okay we got to do those things.
29:39
But the other thing I do is a holiday bucket list, like December 1st to be intentional every day in December.
29:47
About doing something to enjoy the holidays and doesn't have to be big, like you know Reston, and Reston town center is absolutely beautiful.
29:55
But how we get so busy, and you just drive by to run in to grab something you don't stop and look at the lights. Look at the ice skating, you know so maybe see a holiday movie or go get a Starbucks hot chocolate or go drive around and look at Christmas lights which I always do with my nieces and nephews
30:11
when they were little we just get in the car and go look at Christmas lights, but we need to be intentional and enjoy our life.
30:20
And talking about your about the deadline and having a date on the calendar somebody said this the other day and it's stuck. It's, I don't procrastinate, I'm deadline oriented.
30:30
If I do something tomorrow.
30:33
Or next week. You know, and probably some of the very productive times my business is when I did move, because I had a deadline and I had to get stuff done and work around it.
30:44
Yeah.
30:46
You know Judy to new to the comedian says my parents always told me I wouldn't amount to much because I procrastinated so much. I told them, just you wait.
30:58
So Leslie we're in agreement and I hope that I just had an opportunity two weeks ago to speak at Conscious Capitalism this week to speak at Joe Polish Genius Network, and I actually asked people to get their phones out in the session.
31:12
Because it's like, okay you may be agreeing with this in theory and then we know what happens you go home from this conference you get busy and they don't call them fleeting thoughts for nothing right.
31:23
So get out your phone right now. What is something that you've been putting off what is something you've been promising yourself you'll do someday. And, and I will always remember a gentleman we had filled out the four box and by the way, let's see if you want.
31:37
I can send that to you and then you can put it on your podcast page or something like that.
31:42
So they can fill out this happiness box that helps him identify what they're delaying, and how they can put it on the calendar, and a gentleman in the session said that that what he was not doing that he wanted to is that his oldest son was going off
31:57
to college, and he knew that if they were ever going to take that family vacation that they've been talking about for all those years, it had to be that summer.
32:05
And in the session. He emailed a company a bare bolt charter place in the Bahamas, and found out how much it would cost and so forth. And like, he's a busy founder he doesn't have time to take a week off two weeks off.
32:20
He's going to be out the whole month. And, and, and by you know the Monday following the program, he and his family we're going to go bare boat chartering with a sailboat down in the Bahamas together, and he emailed me and he said, I already know that when I
32:36
get to my deathbed, and when I am looking back at my life that one of the best things I ever will have done would be was to spend that month with my family in the Bahamas sailing doing something.
32:52
How amazing.
32:54
And I always at the end talk about how it relates to my dad but you keep talking, hitting things that he's done. And I didn't appreciate the time but when I was 16 years old. My parents bought a camper.
33:06
And we went on a family road trip for five weeks, I used to know how many days, hours and minutes because I was 16 years old. And so the last place I wanted to be was with my family and at that point, there was five of us kids and the youngest Catherine was five
33:25
years old. And they did that and the crazy adventures and stories but looking back like what a blessing that he took five weeks now. He had his own business and we would drive her till the afternoon we pick a place that had a pool as kids to play.
33:39
And he would get on the pay phone and work and make phone calls and do work and then as on the trip he stopped places and did work here and there as well.
33:49
But, you know, to be able to have that blessing and looking back of what a gift he gave us to be able to spend that time.
33:58
You know, isn't it, it's, I saw a study one time that asked people there for their favorite childhood memories, and number one was that their parents read to them, you know they had story time or they read books every night that was number one.
34:15
And number two was family vacation. It's very interesting because people often said, you know what, when I think back, I hated that vacation you know, we were bickering in the car, you know, it's like, we were complaining how much farther you know so.
34:30
And when they remembered the actual event it felt like you know that they had sibling rivalry and all that. But when they look back they cherish it and my friend Mary Loverty who's a Hall of Fame speaker Oprah favorite.
34:45
Well she tells a great story about this is that they used to drive every summer to their favorite lake they would pull their water ski boat, and they would spend two weeks at that lake and they all love to water ski will going there.
35:00
And they would have a lot of like enthusiasm and so forth. On the way home they're all hot and sunburned you know spend a week together, and they'd be bickering in the backseat. So she came up with the best game.
35:15
Best friend, best laugh, you know best memory etc and so you come up with a category and then you share and then you go around the car or go around the table. And I'm part of a mastermind with Mary and every time after our mastermind, our final
35:31
we go around best insight you know best action we're going to take. And so if people maybe were coming into Thanksgiving or holiday dinner. Why not play the best game at dinner. Why not go around the table so you know we're come we're wrapping up this year
35:49
what's, what's the best new friend you made this year. What's the, the, the most fun, the best fun day you've had. What's the best thing you've learned you know what's the best change you've made.
36:01
And you can have really meaningful conversations where everyone participates and make memories.
36:09
I always ask people when we've gone to events or done something with family or friends or work things I always ask people what was your favorite part.
36:19
And people are like, here comes I'm like yeah I want to know your favorite but I host a luncheon, and I always have people introduce themselves not with their elevator speech with but a question.
36:29
And so I think the question that we're going to play the best game. Next week. Good. Is it, or the favorite game right and it's like, it's your favorite part of this year or your best thing or I may have a pull out their phone and write down the
36:45
thing they're going to do before the end of the year.
36:48
Well, let's see I think we share. I'm a real ambassador and proponent of one table conversations, it is, you know, I'll always remember, do you remember bottom line personal by any chance or boardroom reports the little.
37:03
I remember really the first physical blog, a guy named Marty Edelman years ago would put together a newsletter that had you know the, the, the latest trend from brain surgery latest trend in fitness, the later trend, and, and I tongue food was featured
37:19
in it. So I got this embossed invitation to come to New York to go to the Four Seasons restaurant, and it coincided with the book tour so I lived in Maui at the time, I went to New York here are 25 of the most fascinating people I've ever met in my life
37:37
and they've all been featured in bottom line personal, and Marty sat at the, at the end of the table and he would ring a little bell and he would point to you, and you had two minutes to talk about, you know what was going on in your industry or the most important
37:52
trend or something people need to know that's coming along the pipe and this profession or whatever. And I promised myself have I ever had an opportunity to do that I would.
38:02
So I lived in Washington DC I put on salons at the National Press Club, and they were often tied in with book launches for clients of mine so we would have someone come in and do a book launch, and then we would go around the room, and each person
38:18
would have a one minute epiphany, you know from that conversation or from that book or on that topic. And, and almost every single person came up to me afterwards or would email me and say, that is the most fascinating evening I've had in years.
38:35
And I was instead of talking about the traffic or the risk, you know we don't call them Redskins anymore the commanders, you know, or the traffic you know or our salad. We were talking about things that mattered and everyone had a voice, everyone
38:49
contributed. I just think we're so hungry for that kind of meaningful conversation and connection. And we're so many people are lonely.
38:59
And I had a group for a group last night, and it's called the yay sayers group. Wow. These two women thought we need to gather women and talk and have really conversation so they started it.
39:13
They threw it on Facebook not knowing if anybody would reply and 100 and some people immediately said they want to come.
39:19
So they've been doing it for seven years, and sometimes there's two people sometimes I think we had probably close to 20 last, but I talked about courage. And, but they have, it's not in a, I mean there's some they have speakers they have a subject, but they, you know,
39:35
it wasn't me just talking to them, we talked about courage we talked about those vulnerable things what's that one thing you're afraid to do.
39:42
And so it's just so powerful. And then I listened to Simon Sinek podcast episode this morning and he was talking about friends and friendship and we need to be intentional with our friends and not like, oh I'll do it later they'll still be there.
39:59
Boy, that's a regret waiting to happen isn't it.
40:02
Yeah, I mean, I think the alignment with what we've said, you know, is that one, one of the books I wrote is what's holding you back and it talked a lot about how many people think well, you know, I'm shy now but when I get to be an adult, you know,
40:19
I'll tell you something really about what to say you know I'll never again be self conscious you know that they thought confidence came with being an adult and boy were they surprised when they're 50s and 60s still feel awkward walking into a room,
40:33
uncomfortable trying to meet someone for the first time. And so that book has a lot of like how we can walk into any room, anytime meet anyone, and actually have a meaningful conversation.
40:46
One person told me well here's a 60 second story is that I used to do confidence workshops in Hawaii, and we would meet over three Saturdays and we had homework.
40:56
And the first after the first Saturday, you're supposed to introduce yourself to someone you wanted to meet.
41:03
And so this guy named Tony came in greeting from ear to ear and Tony was an engineer out at Pearl Harbor, and he said put me in front of a blueprint, you know, I'm in my element put me in front of attractive young lady all of a sudden I'm
41:17
tongue tied tongue twisted I don't know what to say. And said but I had an excuse because if your assignment. He said so three times a week after work I go to Alamona Beach Park and I always run twice around the park clockwise he said, for the last
41:31
couple months has been a very attractive young lady who runs counterclockwise.
41:37
And he said I've always wanted to meet her but then this critic that lives on my shoulder would say Nash you know she's not interested in you. She wanted to run with somebody she already would be.
41:46
I never had the courage to say anything he said but Monday. I have your assignment so here she comes. I say hi, she says hi back Wednesday running along here she comes I say nice evening isn't it she said sure is said Friday
42:00
I'm running along here she comes.
42:02
He said, I said, mind if I run with you.
42:06
She said, I thought you'd never ask.
42:11
After we finish we agreed to meet Monday, Wednesday, Friday and run around the park he said Sam.
42:17
If I hadn't initiated, you know what I realized.
42:21
I'd still be running one way she'd still be running the other way friendships Shakespeare said, many a friendship is lost for lack of speaking.
42:34
Yeah.
42:35
Oh, we could go on and on and on forever and ever.
42:38
But I guess we need to wrap it up soon so how would you encourage somebody else to say why not today to do the thing to the thing that scares them.
42:48
How do you encourage somebody.
42:51
I guess I'd quote Michael out Schuller, he said, bad news.
42:56
Time flies.
42:58
Good news.
42:59
You're the pilot.
43:02
Right, is to is to ask yourself you're you brought up procrastination. What is something you know you want to do you know you wanted to maybe you've been hearing about pickleball you'd love to play pickleball.
43:15
You know really should get a walking buddy, you know maybe you've been thinking I've got a friend I haven't seen in months I'm going to call her up and meet her halfway so what is something that you know you want to do and for whatever reason you've been telling yourself
43:30
you just don't have the time is to get out the phone right now and text that person asked when can we get together for lunch, the next in the next couple of weeks, call that person you want to walk with and say you know you want to meet like twice a week you know walk around the lake.
43:46
So, what is something you want to do.
43:49
And I tell you, Leslie, we think we have to know to go. We think that clarity follows, you know that that if I don't have my ducks in a row, I can't go right no no it's the opposite, we got to go to know.
44:05
So just pick a friend or something you want to do course you want to take, you know class you want to sign up for someone you want to meet, pick up the phone text him and ask, you know, when can we do that within the next couple of weeks.
44:19
And if you put it on the phone. The action will give you the clarity and the confidence and the results, and we will always, always be glad we did.
44:30
Amen, sister.
44:33
So true, and I'm going to think about that thing that I keep putting on.
44:37
I did that thing that's been on my to do list work wise this week and it took me five minutes I've been putting on a list for nine months.
44:45
So many great tidbits so I always as I said try to tie back to my dad and you may have known him. I don't know if we've talked about it but he had an eye patch on a handlebar mustache.
44:56
Did he hang out rest in town center. Now, oh no like I mean he did sometimes it was your kids, we would.
45:05
If not kids but when we were out of college if you'd be in a bar sometimes.
45:09
All of a sudden he's walking in the doing here, no way.
45:14
But yeah we got the other end of the lake and so I don't know what years you lived in rest and.
45:19
He had an eye patch on a handlebar mustache and an eye patch very, very distinguished from people knew who he was.
45:26
But he grew up in Southern California.
45:28
So that's definitely connection and San Fernando.
45:32
What else do you say, obviously owned his own business he did have a stroke in 2000.
45:39
Pretty devastating but he bounced back and he worked until the day he died, like literally he's on the phone people that he died.
45:46
So, he was a very successful man, he had a very good relationship with the city.
45:51
He was very successful in the city, very successful in the city.
45:55
Enjoy your life. And then why was a mutual connection he actually worked in Hawaii a lot.
46:02
He did worked on military housing to planner so he spent lots of time in Hawaii.
46:06
And then the one thing you said is asked. He was a definite proponent of you never know.
46:11
Agreed, agreed. So I love this conversation I wish we could go on and on we're just gonna have to have you back when's your new book coming out.
46:20
I'll come out fall of next year. Okay, well definitely I'll be on for that. And I'll probably, I'll find other excuses and hopefully come to DC area or I'll come to Texas, where are you in Texas.
46:31
I live on a stream trail in Lakeway, Texas right outside of Austin and anyway Leslie I really hope people connect with me on LinkedIn because I believe our life is our lab and if I have an experience or get an idea I write about it and it's just so nice to have that conversation on
46:49
LinkedIn and people want updates on the book. I share some of my favorite stories about that there too. Okay, and that was my next question was the best way to connect so I will share all your contact information.
47:01
And then yeah I'll have to start following your LinkedIn I've been following your Facebook I need to follow LinkedIn as well.
47:06
I will look forward to it. Thank you for this amazing conversation I'm honored to have you as a guest and so much fun. And for the listeners.
47:15
I'm going to get all your books and start reading or listening to them when I walk around the lake.
47:22
So and thank you everybody for joining this podcast episode.
47:28
It's been an inspiring journey to hear all about Sam remember every day is an opportunity to take an action chase your dreams and make a difference so why not today, and make sure you subscribe, share, rate the podcast and you can find out everything you want about the why not
47:41
podcast at whynottodaypodcast.com and until then stay motivated, keep making things happen and remember, say why not today. Thanks Sam.
47:50
Thank you, Leslie hope people sounded interesting and inspiring. I'm sure they did.