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ManTalk133 -When Strong Men Get Tired_ The Weight Nobody Sees · Military Broadcast Radio | MBR Talk

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  The station where our veterans voices are heard.
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  of any entities they represent. The web at MB radio dot.
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  Welcome to MAN Talk 133, where me and unite.
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  Welcome to the show. Tonight I'm your host, Saul
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  Whitaker, and tonight we're going to be talking about
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  something that strong men rarely ever talk about.
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  What happens with the man everybody depends on gets tired.
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  Not lazy, not responsible, not weak.
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  Tired. Tired in his body, Tired in his
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  mind, tired in his spirit, tired of caring expectations that
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  never seems to get lighter. Some men wake up tired, work
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  tired, lived, lead, tired love, tired love their families tired
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  serving minutes retired, and then lie at night in the bed
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  awake, tired 'cause their minds will not let them rest right.
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  But we go into further. Hey, check out check out my
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  You like never, never, never know.
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  All right, so for the way they lay in the bed at night, tired,
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  right? But nobody sees what it cost
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  them. You know, people congratulate
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  their strength, you know, and but they don't want to always
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  notice the strain that they go through, right?
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  So here's a question I want to put out there tonight.
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  Who checks on who checks on the man everybody checks with?
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  Who becomes a safe place? Who gives him permission to say,
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  I don't have it today? The day just ain't my day,
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  y'all. I can't I ain't got it without
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  treating him like he has lost his value, meaning that you
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  know, if he just said, hey, look, I I'm I'm I'm just tired,
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  you know, and everybody be like, well, hey, I thought you
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  supposed to be the leader around here, bro.
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  You can't tote the load like you normally used to tote it.
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  Like I mean, come on there, we looking to you.
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  What happens? This conversation is not
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  teaching me anything about running away from
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  responsibility. That's not what it's about.
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  It's teaching them to carry responsibility without losing
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  themselves. It's about recognizing the
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  strength that without rest becomes strange.
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  So you got to as men. I'm speaking for my man because
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  I'm a man. You got to get rest, no question
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  about it. You got to.
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  It's OK to look strong. It's OK to, you know, you know,
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  I got this thing right. But the name of the show isn't
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  tonight is when strong men get tired, the weight nobody sees.
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  So it's not about you, you know, running away from
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  responsibility. It's about you recognizing the
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  strength without rest become strange, service without
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  boundaries become resentment, and silence without support
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  becomes suffering. Think about that for a minute,
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  man. Let's think about that for one
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  second, OK? One second.
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  Just give yourself a man to think about that.
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  I mean, if you put if, if, if you think about it from from a
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  man's perspective, right? Some men, if you're tired,
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  hopeful, angry, focus, overwhelm, grateful, numb,
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  whatever it is, some men feel like that.
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  So tonight we're going to talk about the invisible weight.
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  Invisible weight men carry. Why some men hide exhaustion.
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  What? What the cost of it?
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  What? What the cost of exhaust?
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  What? Sorry y'all, let me slow it
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  down. Bring it down for a minute.
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  Wu Shah this live, so take a minute.
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  What that exhaustion cost genuine recovery, what genuine
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  recovery looks like, and how faith and brotherhood can help
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  us become honest without surrendering our strength.
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  And at the end of the show, stay with me till the end of the
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  show, I'm going to give you a 7 day strongman reset.
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  You can begin immediately. Let's let's get into it man.
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  Let's get into it. Let's begin with the invisible
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  weight. A man can look completely in
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  control like me. I look in control.
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  Don't I look like I'm in control?
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  That may break. Excuse me?
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  Is an example, y'all? I'm just saying.
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  He may be paying bills, raising children, checking on parents,
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  trying to protect their marriage, working overtime,
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  serving people, building the dream and answering everybody
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  who calls. From the outside, he looked
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  dependable. On the inside, he may feel like
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  a bridge, carrying more traffic than is designed to hold.
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  You can't be Superman, men. You can't do it.
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  You. I'm, I'm, I'm gonna keep going,
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  y'all. I'm gonna keep going 'cause I
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  I'm gonna get into some other stuff later on.
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  Men are often praised for what we carry.
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  Think about it. From childhood, many of us heard
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  versions of this. Be tough, don't cry.
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  Figure it out. Protect everybody, especially
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  little sister, little brother, whatever right provide, no
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  matter what. If you got to work 10 jobs to
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  go, do it. Never let them see your sweat.
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  I know all of us have heard them before.
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  Now, some of these lessons did teach discipline, some taught
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  endurance. But some taught us to hide our
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  ordinary human limits, like how far we can really go.
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  Because, you know, some men can go and they'll do it even when
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  they don't want to do it. So they're carrying this silent
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  weight that nobody, they're carrying this silent, this
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  invisible weight. And nobody see, I haven't.
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  When the strong man get tired. When a strong man gets tired, a
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  man begins to believe that his value is connected only to his
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  usefulness. If you can fix it, fund it, lift
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  it, lead it, and protect it, he feels valuable.
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  Without debt, he don't feel valuable anymore.
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  Take that away from him. What does he have right?
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  This does does it kind of what some men feel like, right?
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  When he cannot do that, Shane begins to talk to him.
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  You fail like the shame and nobody got to say it in their
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  mind like, hey, you should have known better.
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  Now somebody tell them, hey man, you should have known better
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  than that. You have made more money or this
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  wouldn't happen. You wouldn't have to borrow
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  nothing from nobody. We just made more money.
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  You should have been stronger, stabbing like a punk.
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  You remember back in the day you told you don't be a punk, you
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  shouldn't need help. You're the man of the house.
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  And because shame speaks in the language of failure, many men
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  suffer rather than risking being as seen as insufficient.
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  Think about that. They would rather they would
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  already carry all this weight on their back.
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  Just imagine this, all right, your weight that you could just
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  say you can carry safely and say £20, right, easily, no problem,
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  20 lbs easily, right? And well, for the, for the next
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  couple of weeks, I'm going to give you extra 30 lbs and now
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  you're carrying 50 lbs. But because you want to look
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  strong to everybody else, you'll try to carry that weight even
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  though your back hurting, your knees hurting, you want to cry
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  all that blisters on your feet and all just all of that.
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  But you're still trying to carry it because you want to look
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  sufficient. You want to look like you in
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  control as rather than just say, you know what, there's just too
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  much. I can somebody help me with
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  this? There are at least five kinds of
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  weights a man may be carrying at the same time.
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  The first one is financial weight.
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  The financial weight is a tough piece.
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  He may be trying to keep the lights on, make the mortgage,
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  hand the car repairs, pay for medication, help grown children
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  and rebuild out the set back. If he's had ever had a set back,
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  think about that. He's he's covering all that.
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  Now. I'm not saying that the women
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  don't help. Women don't get mad.
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  I ain't saying y'all don't help. I'm just saying these are the
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  things he feel like he needs to do as a man.
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  I got to do this no matter what. Some guys only want their wife
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  to work. They'll they'll rather you take
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  care of the house and I'll go take everything else where they
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  got to work 80 hours a week or whatever they got to do.
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  Now when they're doing it, they're still sacrificing time
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  for money. Basically time with their family
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  for money. Then when they get off on the
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  weekend, they dog tired and can't enjoy the weekend with,
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  you know, with their family or whatever anyway, so they got to
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  do all this stuff. Even when nobody asked him
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  directly, he still may feel that every need in the house is
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  silently looking at him for him to do, which is a true statement
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  no matter what. A man, if he's a, if he's a real
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  man financially, he want to try to make sure everything is good,
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  period. He want to make sure if he got
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  to work overtime, work another job.
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  I mean, one time I was working, but I don't know, I miss it.
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  I was in the AF force. I was in school full time
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  working a full time job and delivering papers at one time.
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  A The bills got to be paid y'all, you got to do what you
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  got to do sometime. The second is emotional weight.
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  He may be grieving somebody, disappointed in himself, afraid
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  of losing the relationship, you know, with his homeboys, you
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  know, or his brother. They didn't got into an
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  argument, you know, struggling with an old wound that never
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  fully healed. You know why?
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  Because he has never developed the language of that pain, you
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  know, for that pain he's never come to grasp with it.
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  And if you don't handle that man, it may be, may come out as
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  anger, distant sarcasm, overworking and shutting or
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  shutting down. That's basically self
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  medicating. That's why so many, so many men
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  go to alcohol because they're self medicating, self medicating
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  with alcohol, self medicating with, you know, with different
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  things. It's, it's the same thing as
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  this right here, anger, dissing, sarcasm, overworking,
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  overworking themselves. I'm come out.
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  Just work those fingers to the bone.
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  Like they just just tie it when they get off work.
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  But they have not dealt with the, the, the disappointment
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  that he may have experienced or, you know, suffering from an old
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  wound. You know what I mean?
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  You never know what it could. It could be a number of things.
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  I'm just naming a few of them because those are some of the
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  ones I saw when I did my research.
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  All you know what I'm saying? Third is relational weight.
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  A man may love his family and still feel misunderstood inside
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  his own home. He may be trying to communicate
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  with a spouse who hears criticism when he means concern.
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  He may be trying to guide children who seem to reject
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  everything he says. He may be caring responsibility
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  for Asian parents by trying to, by trying not to worry anyone.
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  Now this relational thing, relational 1, I don't think
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  there's a, a major one in a lot of households.
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  I can't say it ain't their minds, so I can't really say
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  that it could be a real major one in families.
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  I I, I don't know, but it's you know, I just I can't relate to
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  that one that well, you know what I mean?
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  Before I go into the next one. I got to go to a break, y'all.
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  I will be right back after the break.
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  Find us on the web at MB Radio dot US.
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  Opinions expressed in this program are those of the
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  speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions
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  of any entities they represent. Welcome back to Man Talk 1/3
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  through A Man Unite. Tonight we're talking about when
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  strong men get tired, the weight nobody sees.
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  So I talked about before the break, you know, I went through
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  a couple of them. You know, I went through the
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  financial weight, the emotional weight, the relational weight.
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  And the 4th is identity weight, the pressure to know who you are
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  when the uniform comes off because you work so much.
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  Let me finish reading that. Y'all pressure to know who
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  y'all? When the uniform comes off, the
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  job ends, the children leave, the ministry changes, the
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  business slows down, or your body can no longer do what it
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  once did. I talked about this before.
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  You know what happens when like football players when they don't
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  hear the applause no more? What happens, you know, when,
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  when, when nobody's cheering for them and they they're not the
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  top player no more. And you know, like they were at
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  at the time, right? So they so, so men, regular men,
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  you know, that work jobs struggle with that same thing.
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  You know, the identity of them trying to figure out who they
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  are. They work so much, they're so
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  invested in their job, they don't understand who they are.
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  Like kids leave, right? What I'm going to do now because
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  that's all I used to work for. I used to work all the time for
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  the kids, make sure the kids were good and the house is good.
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  You know what I mean? The ministry changes.
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  People leave now if you're down from, you know, 5 or 600 to 100,
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  how do you deal with that? If you stick with me at the end,
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  I'm going to give you that seven step that's going to help you
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  out with that for sure. Veterans understand this.
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  Retired men understand, understand this.
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  Men who are laid off understand this.
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  When your title has been holding your identity together,
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  transition can feel like disappearance or example.
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  You're known in the military as you know, Master Sergeant so and
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  so Master Sergeant Whitaker, that what I'm known as in the
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  military. Now, when you retire, you ain't
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  Master Sergeant no more. You go to DMV, you just regular
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  Shawl Whitaker. That's who you are.
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  And you so used to having that title, Master Sergeant or
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  whatever your title is or was. And let me say this too, I was
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  not a master Sergeant. I just used this, used that as
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  an example, Y'all, I was not a master Sergeant Whitaker or
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  drill instructor Whitaker. I want none of that.
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  I'm just saying I just use that as an example.
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  But when men go through this process, the titles is what hope
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  is what was holding them to get. That was their identity.
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  The uniform was their identity. I've known guys that have worked
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  at the job for 40 years. That was the identity.
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  That's all they've ever known. And then when they retire six
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  months later, they passed away. Never got to enjoy life.
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  Ever got to enjoy life. I'm just saying, like when you
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  take the uniform off and you're not, people now say, hey,
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  Madison would have, hey, you know.
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  A wit let me, let me holla at you for Master Sergeant, let me
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  holla at you for a minute. And and they don't hear that
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  anymore. They feel like disappearance.
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  They, they like, they draw back. They don't know how to they
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  don't know how to handle that. So man, we got to figure that
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  out. The fifth one is a spiritual
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  weight. A man may be praying, serving
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  and encouraging other people while probably wondering why God
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  feels why wondering why God feels quiet like I mean, I'm
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  praying for all these people. I mean, I mean, I ain't got out
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  and pray for some stuff for me too and and and and and and and
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  why you quiet on me? I see everybody else
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  celebrating, you know, getting their stuff.
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  What's going on with me? I'm, I've been praying for
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  everybody. Don't wait.
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  No, you got to kind of, you know, on my behalf.
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  You know what I'm saying? That's, that's how they feel,
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  right? So he may feel guilty for being
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  tired because he thinks fatigue makes weak faith.
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  But exhaustion is not evidence that God has abandoned you, and
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  rest is not rebellion against your assignment.
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  You got to get rest so you can properly handle your assignment.
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  You got to get sleep so you can and rest.
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  And they not necessarily sleep all the time, but you got to get
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  rest so that you can properly handle the assignment that God
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  has given you. If it's but to pray for other
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  men or it's for a lead, a man's prayer, whatever, you can't 6:00
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  in the morning, you stayed at 3:00.
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  You're always cleaning out. You get up on the call, that's
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  seven and you said the call was at six and everybody gone.
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  So you got to be get enough rest to be able to properly properly,
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  properly handle the assignment. I promise you God ain't going to
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  get mad if you get to rest. It's in the Bible.
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  I think it is a Psalms 127. I think it talks about that.
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  He give it is vain to sit up late and rise up early and eat
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  the sorrows of life. I think it's Psalm 127.
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  I think anyway, it's in there. Go look it up.
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  It's definitely in there. So He ain't going, He ain't
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  going to spank you for you getting some rest.
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  They're thinking for the men that's watching.
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  Think about your own life. Think about it.
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  What weight is heaviest right now?
• 23:14
  Financial, emotional, relational identity or spiritual?
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  Think about it. If, if, if you're, if, if
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  you're, if you're accountable, you're more than welcome to put
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  it in the chat. You know, you know, put one of
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  the words in the comments, you know, wherever you feel like you
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  are, You know what I'm saying? You ain't got you don't got to
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  tell the whole story. Just identify your category name
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  the weight. Naming the weight helps us stop
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  threatening every problem like a giant foul.
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  So where you at right now? What's the heaviest financial,
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  emotional, relational identity and spiritual?
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  I think for most people, I ain't going to say more.
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  I can't speak, you know, almost all speaking for most people, I
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  ain't going to say most people. For some people, I would say
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  spiritually and financially and emotionally, that's what I would
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  say. I'm not sure, but that's what I
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  would say. I don't know.
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  All right, so now I do want to make a distinction.
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  A heavy season does not automatically mean you're,
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  you're doing life wrong. That's that's not, that's not
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  the case. It's not the case at all.
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  Sometimes the season is heavy because life is changing.
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  For example, sometimes you might be grieving like somebody passed
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  away. You can't get past it.
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  You know, you, you struggling with getting past it.
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  You know what I mean? It's just like you can't believe
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  it. You got to can't believe things
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  or I can't believe that happened and you can't get past it.
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  You're stuck in the grief. You know what I mean?
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  Sometimes you are building, trying to build life, just
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  trying to build it and build it and build it.
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  And it's hard and heavy in that season.
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  Sometimes you care for people you love.
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  You know, some people do that. Some people are true caretakers.
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  They take care of their parents, you know, they take him to the
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  doctor's appointments and all the things.
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  Shout out to my brother OB whatever, whatever, homie, he do
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  it. Shout out to my guy Antonio.
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  He do it too, man. He you know, they it's other
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  people too with I know that they really do it taking the parents
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  to appointments, making sure they're good, taking care of
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  them, you know, and stuff like that.
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  He definitely the liaison and envy appreciate you, bro.
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  Envy, a Rocky Mount area. Y'all, y'all get it.
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  So sometimes you're carrying care for people you love.
• 26:06
  The problem is not that way to exist.
• 26:10
  The danger begins when you convince yourself that you must
• 26:14
  carry every piece alone. If you feel like you're
• 26:19
  carrying, gotta carry everything alone, seek some help, seek some
• 26:24
  help. Get somebody to actually kind of
• 26:28
  kind of help you out with it, because you're going to need
• 26:31
  help. You cannot do everything on your
• 26:33
  own. Men, men, you can't do it all on
• 26:38
  your own. I know you feel like you can,
• 26:41
  but you can't, all right? Strong men often become the
• 26:46
  emergency contact for everybody else, but do not have an
• 26:51
  emergency emergency contact for their own soul.
• 26:57
  They know who to call when the car breaks down, but when their
• 27:03
  coverage breaks down, what happens?
• 27:08
  They have a mechanic, a Barber or pastor, supervisor or doctor,
• 27:11
  but yet may not have one person who knows how the how the
• 27:17
  unedited truth about them. They don't know the unedited
• 27:21
  truth. And you know what I'm going to
• 27:22
  do y'all? I'm going to slow down because
• 27:24
  I'm talking so fast. I'm reading and trying to talk
• 27:27
  and process everything at the same time.
• 27:30
  So I'm going to slow down a little bit so y'all can get what
• 27:33
  I'm saying, right. So let me let, let me read that
• 27:37
  one more time. They know who to call when the
• 27:43
  car breaks down, but not when their coverage breaks down.
• 27:49
  They have a mechanic, a Barber, a pastor, a supervisor, and a
• 27:54
  doctor. Yet they may not have one person
• 27:58
  who knows the unedited truth about them.
• 28:03
  That's why it's good to talk to y'all.
• 28:04
  Why y'all married? Talk to your wife.
• 28:06
  Tell you the unedited truth. That's a good thing to do.
• 28:10
  Tell her the unedited truth. Y'all straight up, you know what
• 28:14
  I'm saying? Make sure y'all do that.
• 28:18
  Brotherhood is not just about being around other men.
• 28:20
  I think that that's what we get mixed up.
• 28:23
  We think we have to be around men for it to be a brotherhood,
• 28:29
  right? Man Talk 133 is building a
• 28:32
  coalition of men all over the world, anywhere in the world.
• 28:39
  That's what Man Talk 133 is is trying to do, Build coalition of
• 28:45
  men. If we need some in Texas, we got
• 28:47
  people in Texas. If you need some in North
• 28:49
  Carolina, we got people in North Carolina, Florida, Georgia, all
• 28:53
  over California. That's where Man Talk 133 is
• 28:56
  trying to do, to build a coalition of men so that we can
• 29:02
  work together as 11 unit. That's what the whole goal of
• 29:07
  Man Talk 133 is. So brotherhood is just not about
• 29:10
  being around with the men. Brotherhood is having
• 29:12
  relationships where truth can survive.
• 29:18
  It is the freedom to say I'm not OK.
• 29:22
  And no other men will not gossip, minimize, compete, or
• 29:26
  turn your pain into a sermon before he listens past us.
• 29:34
  We got to stop that y'all. When people come tell y'all
• 29:38
  something because I, you know, I teach the word myself, word of
• 29:42
  God myself, myself, my wife, we both teach the word of God at
• 29:46
  our church, right? So we can't take, we can't be
• 29:51
  have people come talk to us and then we go do a message about
• 29:57
  it. That's not how that works.
• 29:58
  We can't do that. And if you do that to men, you
• 30:02
  then lost them 1000%. But I'll be right back after the
• 30:06
  break y'all. Military broadcast radio The
• 33:05
  station that's giving veterans a voice.
• 33:07
  Find us. On the web at MB radio dot US.
• 33:11
  Opinions expressed in this program are those of the
• 33:14
  speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions
• 33:19
  of any entities they represent. Welcome back to Man Talk 133 O
• 33:26
  Menunite. Tonight we're talking about when
• 33:31
  strong men get tired, the weight nobody sees.
• 33:36
  So when with the break, I was just talking about how, you
• 33:38
  know, passes don't turn propane into a message.
• 33:42
  Don't do that. That ain't, that ain't cool
• 33:44
  'cause you got, sometimes you got one chance with men and if
• 33:49
  you blow it, they're gone. So we got to be a little bit
• 33:52
  more strategic in how we do that.
• 33:54
  You know what I mean? We can't just, you know, 'cause
• 33:57
  you don't ran out of information.
• 33:58
  It's a whole 66 books you can write a message about.
• 34:03
  You know what I mean? You ain't got to write a message
• 34:06
  about somebody that became to you in confidentiality.
• 34:12
  It's all I'm saying. So, yeah, no dealt with with.
• 34:16
  That's what I said when we for winter break.
• 34:18
  But anyway, let me hop back into this show, y'all.
• 34:21
  Some of us are carrying things that belong to somebody else.
• 34:27
  Think about that. Somebody come tell you
• 34:30
  something. Come tell you something like,
• 34:33
  hey, you know this what's going on with me, you know, blah,
• 34:36
  blah, blah, blah, blah. And now that thing that
• 34:40
  transferred on you, you know what I'm saying?
• 34:42
  Now you got to try to shake that off because you like, man, I
• 34:45
  hate that going through that after that, I hate that going
• 34:49
  through that. Now you're going through it with
• 34:51
  them. You're trying to make grown
• 34:52
  people make healthy decisions. You can't do that.
• 34:57
  They going to do what they want to do.
• 35:02
  You are paying consequences that your boundaries should have
• 35:05
  allowed them to face. Listen, you can't solve
• 35:09
  everything for everybody. Help is good.
• 35:12
  Help is a great thing, very great thing, a great thing.
• 35:16
  But you can't help everybody. Y'all.
• 35:18
  You got to do your part what you can do and that's it.
• 35:21
  Ask yourself these three questions what is mine to carry?
• 35:27
  What is mine to share? What was mine in the first?
• 35:31
  What was never mines in the 1st place?
• 35:35
  Think about it. What was mines in the 1st place?
• 35:39
  That that third question right there going to free some of
• 35:42
  y'all straight up like why? Why am I?
• 35:48
  Why am I carrying somebody else's stuff?
• 35:52
  Straight up? I I don't need to be doing that,
• 35:54
  you know what I'm saying? Your strength should serve your
• 35:58
  purpose, not destroy the person carrying the purpose.
• 36:07
  You should have enough strength to be able to serve your
• 36:13
  purpose. If your purpose is to reach the
• 36:15
  youth, you should have enough strength to do that with, with
• 36:20
  the mental capabilities or whatever you want to call it.
• 36:24
  You should have that to be able to serve your purpose.
• 36:30
  You get what I'm saying? I'm just saying we should, we
• 36:33
  should be able to take that. We should be able to do that.
• 36:36
  You know what I mean? So why do men hide exhaustion?
• 36:45
  Why do men hide? They know they're exhausted,
• 36:48
  right? Why they try to hide it?
• 36:53
  Why do men try to hide exact exhaustion?
• 36:56
  That's you know what I mean? Why the easiest answer would be
• 37:02
  pride, right? I mean, we, but pride is just a
• 37:07
  part of it. You get what I'm saying?
• 37:10
  Like, you know, some people are hide exhaustion because they
• 37:14
  don't want to look like they're weak, you know, and then when
• 37:18
  you don't do what you're supposed to do, that's exactly
• 37:21
  what you look like weak. You get what I'm saying?
• 37:24
  So listen, we got to stop hiding the exhaustion.
• 37:29
  Pride comes before the great fall sometime men.
• 37:34
  I'm I'm gonna tell you another reason why I think men hide
• 37:37
  exhaustion, right? It's because they were
• 37:44
  previously punished. This it was happen if a man
• 37:48
  opened up and somebody mocked him.
• 37:54
  He admitted fear and was later used against him in the
• 37:58
  argument. He cried and was so hey, boy
• 38:03
  tight, you know, look, you're a grown man.
• 38:06
  Cut that out wrong with you, you know, crying up and he'll stop
• 38:10
  it. I'm hanging like a baby.
• 38:13
  He asked for help and he felt like he got judged, so he made
• 38:19
  the decision. I will never give anybody that
• 38:23
  kind of access again, period. I'm never doing that again.
• 38:32
  So we got to be very, very, very careful with how we do that with
• 38:37
  men. We got to because we can lose
• 38:42
  the man when they're trying to really, and they're really
• 38:47
  trying to open up, you know what I'm saying?
• 38:54
  When they're trying to open up, it's, it's, it's hard because if
• 38:58
  they've been hurt before, they're not going to do it.
• 39:01
  They definitely not going to do it.
• 39:03
  So before I get over here, get out of here, give you God, the
• 39:07
  men, the men. I'm going to give the men the
• 39:10
  seven steps to recovery. The first step is permission.
• 39:16
  Give yourself commit permission to admit that the old place is
• 39:21
  not working. Men often wait for a breakdown
• 39:27
  just to justify a break. Nah, give yourself permission to
• 39:34
  admit the old, that the old place is not working.
• 39:38
  Second step is assessment, ask or question.
• 39:44
  What is draining me? What is restoring me?
• 39:47
  What can be changed now, what requires a longer plan and be
• 39:53
  specific. Don't say everything ain't
• 39:55
  draining because everything don't drain.
• 39:59
  Name the meeting, name the debt, name the conflict, name the
• 40:02
  schedule, name the expectation or the unresolved grief.
• 40:06
  Clarity turns fog into decisions.
• 40:10
  You got to do it. Third step.
• 40:15
  Is on this conversation, choose the person affected by your
• 40:21
  current condition and speak clearly to a spouse.
• 40:26
  You might say, hey, Lil, I ain't I ain't been physically present.
• 40:32
  I've been physically present but emotionally absent.
• 40:36
  I ain't blaming you though. I'm just saying this is this is
• 40:39
  exactly what happened. You know, this is what's been
• 40:41
  going on, or you can your supervisor might say to you,
• 40:45
  hey, I want you to maintain quality, but the camera workload
• 40:49
  is creating avoidable errors. You got to you got to just
• 40:57
  figure out how to earn this conversation.
• 41:01
  Step #4 step #4 is restoration through basics.
• 41:08
  Sleep is not the reward for finishing everything.
• 41:13
  Nothing is ever completely finished.
• 41:15
  Never build a bedtime that protects tomorrow's judgment.
• 41:21
  Reduce late night stimulation when possible.
• 41:25
  Eat consistently. Drink water.
• 41:28
  Move your body schedule. Overdo health appointments.
• 41:31
  That's another thing, man, we got to get on.
• 41:35
  These practices are not glamorous, but the foundations
• 41:39
  rarely are. Listen, we got to get to these
• 41:43
  appointments. We got to, we got to get to
• 41:46
  these appointments, period. If they overdo, I'm talking to
• 41:53
  y'all because I'm talking to me too.
• 41:55
  You know, I've had all my stuff done except for my eye exam.
• 41:58
  I got to go get my eye exam. And then I think October, I got
• 42:02
  some other things going on, but this is physical.
• 42:05
  But I got to get my eyes done. This is one of the appointments
• 42:07
  I need to get taken care of. Y'all being honest with you.
• 42:10
  So I'm up here just talking and then I, I like I got it all
• 42:13
  together. Nope.
• 42:14
  I've been about a year and a half and I got to go get my eyes
• 42:17
  checked. Period.
• 42:20
  You see what I'm saying? The fifth step is boundaries.
• 42:26
  Everyone spends time, energy, attention or money.
• 42:34
  No, I'm sorry I'm married. I forgot one of my words y'all I
• 42:38
  got. I got the readers on and still
• 42:40
  missing word. We got to get this together.
• 42:43
  I just talked about my eyes. Just did it.
• 42:47
  Every yes spends time, energy, attention, money before saying
• 42:52
  yes as to whether the request fits your values and current
• 42:57
  capacity. They lay the answer when
• 43:01
  necessary. Don't be people pleasing people
• 43:07
  pleasing person. Everything they say yeah, I got
• 43:10
  it. I say yeah, I got it, I got it
• 43:12
  sometime. Think about it.
• 43:13
  I have. I'm telling y'all from
• 43:14
  experience. I have been like that before.
• 43:18
  So don't. It'll wear you out.
• 43:21
  I'm telling you, let me check my schedule to get back to you.
• 43:23
  You know what I'm saying? 6th step Is support appropriate?
• 43:31
  Is the support appropriate to the weight?
• 43:33
  A financial problem may need a budget and clarify financial
• 43:38
  guidance. A medical symptom may need a
• 43:42
  clinician. A trauma history may need a
• 43:45
  licensed mental health professional.
• 43:47
  A spiritual struggle may need a mature pastor or spiritual
• 43:52
  mentor. A marriage pattern may need
• 43:55
  counseling. Do not keep taking every problem
• 43:58
  to the same tool. It's not going to work, ain't
• 44:02
  going to work y'all. I'm telling you, it's not going
• 44:04
  to work. Just ain't.
• 44:08
  A clinician can't help you with with spiritual struggles.
• 44:15
  They, some of them believe in what they believe in.
• 44:18
  So ain't going to get into that. You know what I'm saying?
• 44:21
  I'm just not y'all. The 7th step is rediscovering
• 44:27
  joy that does not have to produce anything, just happy for
• 44:33
  no reason. What do you enjoy that does not
• 44:38
  make money? Build a platform, solve a
• 44:41
  problem or prove your worth? Which one?
• 44:44
  Other than those that don't have to make money, don't have?
• 44:47
  You don't have to be on Instagram, your Facebook, none
• 44:49
  of that music, fishing, bowling, working on a car, walking,
• 44:55
  reading, playing the bass. I play the bass, y'all straight
• 44:58
  up four string and I'm getting pretty good at it.
• 45:02
  Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm putting in time.
• 45:04
  I pull a play a four string bass at the church.
• 45:08
  So I'm getting pretty good at that thing too.
• 45:09
  I'm telling you, sitting outside don't cost you nothing.
• 45:15
  Time with people who don't need a performance from you.
• 45:20
  You can just sit and let your head down and just talk to them.
• 45:26
  Recreation. Recreation reminds the nervous
• 45:33
  system that life is more important than emergencies and
• 45:38
  outcomes. So in other words, take a break,
• 45:46
  chill, calm down. That's all you got to do before
• 45:52
  I get out, get out of here. I got to.
• 45:53
  I want to. I want to address the
• 45:55
  entrepreneurs, creators, passes, leaders.
• 46:00
  Your gift can become the place where you hide from life.
• 46:06
  Work feels controllable, so you stay busy.
• 46:10
  The platform gives affirmation so you avoid quiet.
• 46:15
  The ministry give purpose so you neglect your own healing.
• 46:19
  Productivity can be socially rewarded, a socially rewarded
• 46:24
  form of avoidance. So listen, before I get out of
• 46:28
  here tonight, I want to thank y'all for joining Man Talk 133
• 46:35
  with me and unite. Do not forget follow us on all
• 46:38
  our platforms us talking Facebook us talking Facebook
• 46:44
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  133 Pandora man talk 133 player FM man talk 133 everything is
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  man talk 133 and do not forget to check out the apparel man
• 46:59
  talk man talk 133 apparel co.com.
• 47:07
  Hey until next time y'all thanks for joining man talk 133 where
• 47:11
  men unite. Until next time God bless.
• 47:14
  Make sure y'all share this with all your men that y'all know in
• 47:17
  your life so they can go back and listen to it.
• 47:19
  And hey, the next time, God bless, we gone.
• 47:23
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• 47:27
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