Latest / The Body Pod / Beyond Booze and Into a Better Life: Sarah Rusbatch on Reinventing Midlife for Women Over 40

Transcript

Beyond Booze and Into a Better Life: Sarah Rusbatch on Reinventing Midlife for Women Over 40 · The Body Pod

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Speaker 1: Hi everyone. My name is Haley and this is Laura
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Speaker 1: and welcome to the body Pod. Today, on the Body Pod,
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Speaker 1: we have the pleasure of speaking with Sarah Russbatch. Sarah
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Speaker 1: is the author of the best selling book Beyond Booze,
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Speaker 1: How to Create a Life You Love Alcohol Free, an
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Speaker 1: award winning health and well being coach, an accredited Gray
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Speaker 1: Area drinking coach, a menopause coach, and a keynote speaker,
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Speaker 1: sharing her journey to sobriety an Impact of Alcohol on
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Speaker 1: Mental Health to global audiences. After developing what she describes
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Speaker 1: as a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol, Sarah made the decision
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Speaker 1: to remove alcohol from her life in early twenty nineteen
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Speaker 1: and has never looked back. She now works with women
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Speaker 1: across the globe, guiding them from filling loss, stuck, and
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Speaker 1: out of control to a healthier and happier way of
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Speaker 1: Life's the host of a thriving global online community called
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Speaker 1: The Woman's well Being Collective, which offers a safe space
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Speaker 1: where women feel seen and heard. She equips women with
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Speaker 1: the tools they need to break the cycle of unhealthy
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Speaker 1: habits and coping mechanisms. Her experience, knowledge and passion has
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Speaker 1: transformed lives so we will jump right into the show
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Speaker 1: with Sarah Ruspatch enjoy.
1:29
Speaker 2: Well.
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Speaker 1: Hello, Sarah, welcome to the Body Pod.
1:33
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me.
1:35
Speaker 1: We are so excited to have you and talk about
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Speaker 1: your book and all things that sometimes can be a
1:44
Speaker 1: buzzkill when people want to talk about alcohol, it can
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Speaker 1: go one or two ways. So I'm super excited to
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Speaker 1: kind of have this conversation around drinking and women and
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Speaker 1: how you even got into this. So let's start there
2:01
Speaker 1: with your story. What led you to reassess your relationship
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Speaker 1: with alcohol and ultimately giving it up. Maybe they are
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Speaker 1: tek people too much.
2:13
Speaker 2: Diirone ride in. Yeah, absolutely so.
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Speaker 3: I grew up in the north of England and I
2:18
Speaker 3: think it was not a question of if I would
2:21
Speaker 3: start drinking, it was a question of when. As a
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Speaker 3: little girl, my parents were pretty sociable, so there was
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Speaker 3: lots of dinner parties. There was lots of like, you know,
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Speaker 3: drunken adults around my house that as a little girl
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Speaker 3: I would look on, going.
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Speaker 2: Oh my god, this is what you do to have
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Speaker 2: fun as a grown up. This is you know.
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Speaker 3: What was modeled to me as a little girl was
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Speaker 3: the way that adults socialize and have fun is to
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Speaker 3: drink alcohol. They would have you know, all come over
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Speaker 3: to our house for dinner, parties, et cetera.
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Speaker 2: So while I.
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Speaker 3: Didn't realize it at the time, I can see that
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Speaker 3: my beliefs around alcohol were formed at a very young age.
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Speaker 2: As to this is how you have fun when you
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Speaker 2: grow up. And we have a few.
3:00
Speaker 3: Changes growing up where I moved from Scotland to England
3:03
Speaker 3: at the age of thirteen, which was a really difficult
3:05
Speaker 3: time to make a move to go and you know,
3:07
Speaker 3: be the new girl at a very posh school where
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Speaker 3: everyone had all their friends and stuff, and I felt
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Speaker 3: like I really didn't fit in. And then at fourteen,
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Speaker 3: we started drinking and we would go down the local
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Speaker 3: park and we would fill soda stream bottles with whatever
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Speaker 3: we could find in our parents drinks cabinet and we
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Speaker 3: would drink them. It was disgusting, Haley and Laura.
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Speaker 2: It was. We would like have this.
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Speaker 3: Pincoction of like Martini, Southern Comfort, Sherry Bailey's, whatever you
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Speaker 3: could find, and we would think it was hilarious that
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Speaker 3: you'd just fill it up in this bottle and you'd
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Speaker 3: go and drink it. You'd put some Coca cola on
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Speaker 3: the top and oh, I think about it now and
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Speaker 3: it's just disgusting.
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Speaker 2: But that's like this right as you're saying.
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Speaker 3: Right, right, And I always remember, I started getting this
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Speaker 3: feedback of oh, you're so fun when you're drunk. You're
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Speaker 3: hilarious when you're drunk, and you want to fit in
4:01
Speaker 3: as a fourteen year old who feels a bit like
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Speaker 3: she's on the outside, and then you start getting this feedback,
4:05
Speaker 3: you start to create this identity of well, people like
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Speaker 3: me when I drink alcohol.
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Speaker 2: I'm funny, I'm hilarious. People want to be around me.
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Speaker 2: And I think that.
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Speaker 3: That started to then create this persona of who I
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Speaker 3: thought I had to be to have alcohol, was to
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Speaker 3: have alcohol in my life. So fast forward many years.
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Speaker 3: It was, you know, I didn't drink problematically, but I
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Speaker 3: had a high capacity for alcohol.
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Speaker 2: I didn't really get hangovers.
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Speaker 3: I wasn't someone that had like, you know, I had
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Speaker 3: to spend the whole day in bed vomiting the next day.
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Speaker 3: I was just like, you know, brush yourself off and
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Speaker 3: get on with it. And thought it was like this
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Speaker 3: badge of honor that I could drink the way that
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Speaker 3: the boys did. I could match them, you know, university
4:45
Speaker 3: in the UK. I think it's very much like the
4:47
Speaker 3: US where it's very alcohol focused, and you know I
4:52
Speaker 3: just fell for that, you know, hook line and sinker
4:54
Speaker 3: into this big, heavy drinking culture. Then we I made
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Speaker 3: the move to London at twenty one. You'll laugh at this.
5:01
Speaker 3: So this was nineteen ninety eight and my job interview
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Speaker 3: for a recruitment company was three stages of formal, serious
5:09
Speaker 3: interview and then the fourth interview was in the pub
5:13
Speaker 3: doing shots of flaming sam buka to see how well
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Speaker 3: you could handle your booze and then they would decide
5:19
Speaker 3: whether or not you.
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Speaker 2: Got the job.
5:21
Speaker 3: I'm looking at your faces now, what is happening. So
5:25
Speaker 3: this was the London in the Financial district. It was
5:30
Speaker 3: you know, we were working in investment banking, recruitment. This
5:33
Speaker 3: is just how it was in the nineties. And needless
5:36
Speaker 3: to say, I passed with flying colors and this was
5:39
Speaker 3: you know, I got the job. And this was this
5:40
Speaker 3: real era as well, where there was this shift in
5:43
Speaker 3: the cultural dynamic.
5:44
Speaker 2: It was sex in the city.
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Speaker 3: We all wanted to channel our inner Samantha and go
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Speaker 3: and drink Cosmopolitans on rooftop bars and pick up men
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Speaker 3: and think that we could all be, you know, like
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Speaker 3: we didn't need to have to rely on a man
5:56
Speaker 3: for anything. We had our girlfriends, we had our cosmopolitans,
5:59
Speaker 3: we had this life. And that was a really big movement,
6:02
Speaker 3: probably in the US the same as it was in
6:05
Speaker 3: the UK, and I again continued my drinking in the
6:10
Speaker 3: way that I did met my husband, and I think
6:12
Speaker 3: when my drinking changed was when we moved to Australia,
6:15
Speaker 3: when I had two kids under two, and all of
6:18
Speaker 3: a sudden, I'd left London. I'd left this very exciting lifestyle.
6:23
Speaker 3: I had really close girlfriends, I had a fantastic career,
6:27
Speaker 3: and then I was on the other side of the
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Speaker 3: world with two kids under two, with no friends, no family,
6:32
Speaker 3: no I wasn't working. I was so lucky and on
6:34
Speaker 3: paper I had everything I wanted. We lived by the beach,
6:37
Speaker 3: I could take time off to raise my beautiful, healthy children.
6:40
Speaker 3: My husband was setting up a business. But I was
6:43
Speaker 3: really struggling. I was really homesick, I was really sad.
6:48
Speaker 3: I was really lonely. I was really confused, like I
6:52
Speaker 3: wanted this family life, but all of a sudden my
6:55
Speaker 3: days had gone from this really exciting career to changing
6:59
Speaker 3: nappy's cleaning, babysit, going to monkey.
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Speaker 2: Music, and that was my life.
7:04
Speaker 3: And alcohol then started to become the solution to making
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Speaker 3: those feelings go away, because alcohol's really good at that
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Speaker 3: It makes us not have to feel in the moment.
7:15
Speaker 3: And this coincided with mummy wine culture, and I know
7:18
Speaker 3: this was as big in the US as it was
7:19
Speaker 3: in Australia and the UK. Our three countries are very
7:22
Speaker 3: similar in that drinking culture. And this was when the
7:25
Speaker 3: alcohol companies had really started playing on female pressures and
7:31
Speaker 3: mummy wine culture, and you know all those baby grows
7:33
Speaker 3: that you would see with like my I wine, so
7:36
Speaker 3: my mum drinks wine, and all of this stuff that
7:39
Speaker 3: really started to happen. Now you didn't have to tell
7:41
Speaker 3: me that I needed. I deserved that glass of wine
7:44
Speaker 3: at the end of the day because I knew what
7:46
Speaker 3: I did. And so alcohol then became something that I
7:49
Speaker 3: wasn't doing socially, but I was doing to make those
7:54
Speaker 3: uncomfortable emotions go away.
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Speaker 2: And it worked at the beginning.
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Speaker 3: But then once I got into my four and I'm
8:00
Speaker 3: sure we'll talk about this later on in this episode,
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Speaker 3: alcohol really didn't work. And there's a reason for that,
8:07
Speaker 3: which I didn't know then, but I found that I
8:09
Speaker 3: was had increasing anxiety. It was really disrupting my sleep,
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Speaker 3: my skin, my weight. All the results I wanted at
8:17
Speaker 3: the gym, I wasn't getting them anymore, Like all of
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Speaker 3: the impact that alcohol used to give me, all the
8:22
Speaker 3: positives and only a little bit of negative, whereas now
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Speaker 3: it was like the balance had tipped and there were
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Speaker 3: so many negatives coming from my drinking and not.
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Speaker 2: Really that many positives. But I didn't have anything.
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Speaker 3: Else in my talkit to manage uncomfortable emotions because I've
8:37
Speaker 3: just been using alcohol for so long. And eventually, in
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Speaker 3: age forty three, after a few incidents of just quite
8:44
Speaker 3: big drinking that led to me like I fell over
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Speaker 3: at a party, I landed on my face, I cut
8:50
Speaker 3: my lip, I cut my nose. It's just gross, you know,
8:53
Speaker 3: when you're just like, I don't want to be that
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Speaker 3: drunken woman that is just making a fool of herself.
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Speaker 3: But I seemed to have no offswitch. Once I started drinking.
9:01
Speaker 3: It was like, yeah, come on, let's keep going, Let's
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Speaker 3: keep going. And and I had a high capacity for alcohol,
9:08
Speaker 3: so I could drink quite a lot, and I took
9:10
Speaker 3: a break to see how it would make me feel,
9:13
Speaker 3: and I felt incredible and everything changed, and I went
9:17
Speaker 3: back to drinking to go, Okay, let me see if
9:19
Speaker 3: I could now moderate, and I couldn't. Moderation was not
9:23
Speaker 3: something that worked for me with alcohol. And so finally,
9:26
Speaker 3: in twenty nineteen, I had my last drink. And so
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Speaker 3: six and a half years alcohol FreeMap and honestly, my
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Speaker 3: life just gets better and better and better with every
9:34
Speaker 3: year that passed.
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Speaker 2: Did you know what was your last drink?
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Speaker 4: When you had the last drink?
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Speaker 2: Do say?
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Speaker 3: Like?
9:39
Speaker 2: Absolutely one? I set the date in everything I just
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Speaker 2: because I had spent I'd done two stimps of one
9:45
Speaker 2: hundred days alcohol free, and I knew in that time
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Speaker 2: my anxiety disappeared, my sleep improved, I lost weight, my
9:53
Speaker 2: skin was great, I felt more positive, I was happier.
9:57
Speaker 2: And I remember a friend saying to me, everything in
10:00
Speaker 2: your life is better when you don't drink. So why
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Speaker 2: are you fighting to keep alcohol in your life? Why
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Speaker 2: are you trying to keep moderating when you.
10:09
Speaker 3: Know you really struggle? And I was like, yeah, that's it.
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Speaker 3: And so I set the date and I thought I
10:14
Speaker 3: was going to go out with this massive, big blowout
10:17
Speaker 3: a friend Sportier, and in fact, I had two drinks
10:19
Speaker 3: and went home and I was just really excited for
10:21
Speaker 3: the next stage of my life to start.
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Speaker 2: Wow.
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Speaker 1: So it's quite interesting when you do you feel like
10:29
Speaker 1: maybe you hung on to it a little bit because
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Speaker 1: you had this whole you know, growing up childhood. You
10:37
Speaker 1: just thought this is what was expected. Laura and I
10:39
Speaker 1: grew up in very different homes where there wasn't alcohol
10:42
Speaker 1: in the home, and so that wasn't even a part
10:45
Speaker 1: of our life. So it's always interesting to me when
10:49
Speaker 1: you know, I do have European friends and you know,
10:53
Speaker 1: sometimes their kids will drink and they're fifteen, but they
10:56
Speaker 1: asked their parents and they let them know, and to
10:59
Speaker 1: me it seems so foreign because we didn't even have
11:01
Speaker 1: alcohol in the house. But you know that there is
11:04
Speaker 1: that culture where over. You know, it's just part of
11:10
Speaker 1: what you do in Europe and in the United States,
11:13
Speaker 1: but not so much because we still have, i would say,
11:17
Speaker 1: a little bit stricter rules on the timing. Yeah, that
11:22
Speaker 1: played into it.
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Speaker 3: I think it was a combination of things. I think
11:25
Speaker 3: it was that perfect storm of cultural upbringing thinking that
11:30
Speaker 3: alcohol was kind of the solution to all problems. Secondly,
11:34
Speaker 3: I've never classed myself as an alcoholic. I wasn't an alcoholic.
11:37
Speaker 3: I didn't drink every day. I could go periods of
11:39
Speaker 3: time without drinking. But I was what's called a gray
11:42
Speaker 3: area drinker, and gray area drinkers tend to surround themselves
11:46
Speaker 3: with other gray area drinkers. So then when you're in
11:48
Speaker 3: a friendship group where most of your friends are drinking
11:51
Speaker 3: in the way that you do, you feel like you're
11:54
Speaker 3: going to be missing out if you stopped drinking now,
11:57
Speaker 3: because then you're like, well, that's the only way that
11:59
Speaker 3: I have fun, and that's my hobby, that's what I do.
12:02
Speaker 3: So if I stop drinking, now, what am I going
12:05
Speaker 3: to do? And then there was also this cultural shift
12:08
Speaker 3: that was happening in society, like the marketing of alcohol
12:11
Speaker 3: to women is very very prevalent, and if you're not
12:14
Speaker 3: exposed to it and you don't even think about drinking,
12:17
Speaker 3: you may not notice it as much. But people that
12:20
Speaker 3: are very vulnerable to alcohol really do pick up that messaging,
12:24
Speaker 3: both conscious and subconscious of alcohol. Product placement in TV
12:30
Speaker 3: shows the police drama where the woman comes home from
12:32
Speaker 3: a stressful day at work she pours a glass of
12:34
Speaker 3: wine and you watch her go ah, and it's like,
12:38
Speaker 3: you know, that's just given her that instant relaxation.
12:40
Speaker 2: So there's also like subconscious.
12:42
Speaker 3: Beliefs that many women have that alcohol relaxes us is
12:46
Speaker 3: the reward at the end of the day, and that
12:49
Speaker 3: solution to however we might be feeling in the moment.
12:53
Speaker 2: Wow.
12:54
Speaker 1: So okay, if you here, you are, you decide not
12:58
Speaker 1: to become alcohol free. Did everyone in your circle support you?
13:05
Speaker 2: They did.
13:05
Speaker 3: I don't think everyone understood, but they did support me.
13:10
Speaker 3: Like not everyone understood why I was doing it, and
13:12
Speaker 3: I felt a little bit of shame around why I
13:15
Speaker 3: couldn't be a normal drinker who just had a glass
13:19
Speaker 3: every now and then. So I wasn't completely honest with
13:23
Speaker 3: why I was choosing to take alcohol out of my life.
13:26
Speaker 3: I just would say things like, oh, I've got a
13:29
Speaker 3: half marathon and I want to get a PB or
13:31
Speaker 3: oh I want it to help me lose weight, Whereas
13:34
Speaker 3: what I should have said was alcohol's really impacting my
13:37
Speaker 3: mental health. It's wrecking my sleep, it's increasing my anxiety.
13:41
Speaker 3: I'm not the person I want to be, and so
13:43
Speaker 3: I'm taking it out of my life. For a period
13:45
Speaker 3: of time, but I didn't say that. So when you
13:47
Speaker 3: say to someone, oh, I just I want to diet
13:49
Speaker 3: and want to lose a bit of weight, they'll just go, oh,
13:52
Speaker 3: just have a vodka and soda. There's no calories in.
13:55
Speaker 2: That, So you still kind of end up with a
13:57
Speaker 2: little bit of Peter pressure. So it can be tricky.
14:00
Speaker 4: One of the things that you recommend to people that
14:03
Speaker 4: you help, or one of the tools that they use,
14:07
Speaker 4: is to be really vulnerable and honest when they are
14:09
Speaker 4: making that switch.
14:12
Speaker 3: With the right people, Like there's always a level of
14:14
Speaker 3: appropriateness of who you will share that. I've got a
14:16
Speaker 3: whole chapter in my book around navigating both your relationship
14:20
Speaker 3: if you and your husband of both being big drinkers
14:22
Speaker 3: together and then you decide not to drink, and navigating
14:26
Speaker 3: your friendships if you have a friendship group that's quite
14:29
Speaker 3: you know, big drinkers and you know. One of the
14:31
Speaker 3: things I get asked about the most is like sober sex,
14:33
Speaker 3: because a lot of my women actually feel really uncomfortable,
14:38
Speaker 3: so they can't relax because they've always had a couple
14:40
Speaker 3: of drinks to even have sex with their husband who
14:43
Speaker 3: they've been with for twenty five years, and so they
14:45
Speaker 3: have to navigate all of that, which is it can
14:47
Speaker 3: be challenging.
14:49
Speaker 2: What do you do with that?
14:50
Speaker 1: Because I wouldn't have even thought of that, But yeah,
14:53
Speaker 1: I mean that's a huge psychological issue that you've been
14:57
Speaker 1: having something to mask exactly.
15:00
Speaker 3: And I've got a whole chapter in my book about
15:02
Speaker 3: that where I talk about, you know that side of it,
15:04
Speaker 3: but how do you connect more deeply with your partner?
15:07
Speaker 3: And it all comes down to communication. And you know,
15:11
Speaker 3: my husband and I had both been big drinkers. We
15:13
Speaker 3: met when we were twenty four, and alcohol had played
15:18
Speaker 3: a big part in our lives, and it was how
15:19
Speaker 3: we connected. It was our ritual of connection.
15:21
Speaker 2: He would come home from work, I'd hear his truck
15:24
Speaker 2: pulling into the driveway and I'd be like.
15:25
Speaker 3: Oh, it's time for a wine. He would have a beer,
15:28
Speaker 3: I'd have a wine. We'd go sit outside, we would debrief,
15:30
Speaker 3: how was your day? And then when I stopped drinking,
15:34
Speaker 3: we stopped doing that, and then gradually we just got
15:37
Speaker 3: further and further apart, and before I knew it, we
15:39
Speaker 3: were in a couple's therapy room on the brink of separation,
15:41
Speaker 3: going I don't even know who this man is anymore.
15:44
Speaker 3: But what I realized was we'd lost that ritual of connection.
15:47
Speaker 3: We hadn't replaced that point of connection that we used
15:51
Speaker 3: to have with anything else, and so we had to
15:53
Speaker 3: discover all of that.
15:55
Speaker 1: Do the women that come into your group the woman's
15:59
Speaker 1: well being collect of well, first of all, let's talk
16:03
Speaker 1: about how long you've had that, and when they're coming in.
16:07
Speaker 1: Are they coming in as partial drinkers, had they completely quit?
16:12
Speaker 1: What's the average female that's coming into that.
16:16
Speaker 2: I would say they're sober curious.
16:18
Speaker 3: So it's generally women aged forty to sixty five who
16:22
Speaker 3: are at that point where they're going alcohol's not really
16:26
Speaker 3: working anymore.
16:27
Speaker 2: I think I need to change.
16:28
Speaker 3: It's not as easy as I thought because alcohol's up
16:32
Speaker 3: in the top five most addictive substances in the world.
16:35
Speaker 3: So while we might be told drinking, moderation, you know,
16:38
Speaker 3: all the rest of it, for many people, it's not
16:40
Speaker 3: that easy. And when I set up the group, it
16:42
Speaker 3: was super interesting because I did an interview with an
16:45
Speaker 3: online portal over here called Mamma Mia, and it was
16:48
Speaker 3: just when i'd set up the group, and I shared
16:51
Speaker 3: my story of being a gray area drinker and the
16:54
Speaker 3: next day, eight thousand women contacted me from all over
16:59
Speaker 3: the world said, you've just told my story. And that
17:03
Speaker 3: was when I knew that so many women in midlife
17:07
Speaker 3: are using alcohol. They're not alcoholics, they're what you call
17:11
Speaker 3: gray area drinkers. But they've never heard that term before
17:14
Speaker 3: until that article went live, and then they were like,
17:17
Speaker 3: now I understand what my drinking is.
17:20
Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing this.
17:22
Speaker 3: And so that was in twenty twenty one and since
17:24
Speaker 3: then I've supported over ten thousand women to change their
17:27
Speaker 3: relationship with alcohol.
17:30
Speaker 1: How long is the course do you run? Like, does
17:32
Speaker 1: it have a hard start and a hard stop or
17:36
Speaker 1: is it kind of fluid?
17:37
Speaker 3: So I have a self paced program which is on
17:40
Speaker 3: my website that women can do anytime. But I also
17:42
Speaker 3: run women's challenges, So we all come in together and
17:45
Speaker 3: it's thirty days and every day they get daily support,
17:48
Speaker 3: they get a video, they have guest experts, speakers all
17:51
Speaker 3: around supporting women in midlife to change their drinking habits.
17:55
Speaker 3: And I educate them on why alcohol is processed differently
17:58
Speaker 3: in a female body to a male body, why it's
18:01
Speaker 3: processed even more differently over the age of forty when
18:04
Speaker 3: we're in perimenopause. Because I always think education is the
18:08
Speaker 3: key to change, and so many women are not aware
18:11
Speaker 3: of some of this information. So the next challenge I
18:14
Speaker 3: run will be January, which is always like my biggest
18:16
Speaker 3: challenge at the start of the year, when everyone's like
18:18
Speaker 3: had a boozy Christmas and then got oh.
18:20
Speaker 2: Gross, right, I need to change my drinking this year,
18:22
Speaker 2: And it's just incredible.
18:24
Speaker 3: It just leads to such positive change in women's relationship
18:27
Speaker 3: with alcohol.
18:28
Speaker 4: So does everyone end up being alcohol free or do
18:33
Speaker 4: some people just gain a better relationship with alcohol as well?
18:39
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, my goal is not to make everyone alcohol
18:42
Speaker 3: free and to promote prohibition or anything like that. My
18:45
Speaker 3: goal is to educate and empower women to understand the
18:50
Speaker 3: impact that alcohol will be having on us as we age,
18:53
Speaker 3: and to give them.
18:53
Speaker 2: The tools if I use alcohol for stress.
18:56
Speaker 3: So I got twenty five thousand in my group now,
18:58
Speaker 3: and I ask them why do you and the three
19:00
Speaker 3: biggest reasons. Bearing in mind, these women are mostly aged
19:03
Speaker 3: forty to sixty five, are boredom, stress, and loneliness. So
19:08
Speaker 3: we've got this entire generation of midlife women drinking because
19:12
Speaker 3: they're bored. Because most of them are so busy they
19:15
Speaker 3: don't even have the time to think about what they
19:17
Speaker 3: would like to do if they have some spare time.
19:18
Speaker 3: And then when they do have spare time, they just
19:20
Speaker 3: drink because they don't know what else to do lonely,
19:23
Speaker 3: because we know women are starved of authentic, real in
19:26
Speaker 3: person connection and stressed because we're juggling more than we
19:30
Speaker 3: ever have before. And in the short term, alcohol suppresses
19:34
Speaker 3: our nervous system. So for about that twenty thirty minutes
19:37
Speaker 3: after you have a drink, you feel super calm. But
19:40
Speaker 3: the problem with that is that we then create more
19:44
Speaker 3: stress and anxiety in the body because alcohol ultimately causes
19:48
Speaker 3: our cortisol to raise, and so the next day we
19:51
Speaker 3: will have more anxiety than we did before we even
19:54
Speaker 3: had a drink, which is bonkers really, because we drink
19:56
Speaker 3: because we're feeling stressed and anxious. We get that moment
20:00
Speaker 3: very relief from that stress and anxiety, and then we
20:03
Speaker 3: make ourselves more stressed and anxious the next day, so
20:05
Speaker 3: we just get caught in this vicious cycle.
20:09
Speaker 1: So if we look at mindset, because I don't know,
20:11
Speaker 1: maybe you decided that you were done and it never
20:15
Speaker 1: was a temptation, but I'm sure it can be a
20:17
Speaker 1: temptation for a lot of women that want to be done.
20:22
Speaker 1: What are the mental like shifts that you have to
20:25
Speaker 1: kind of guide them through when they're making something like
20:30
Speaker 1: a life change like this.
20:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, And just like although I knew that that
20:34
Speaker 3: last drink I would have would be my last one,
20:36
Speaker 3: it took me two years from my first break to
20:39
Speaker 3: actually fully stopping, with a two year process of exploring
20:43
Speaker 3: the role that alcohol had in my life. And so
20:45
Speaker 3: the first thing I do with my ladies is identify
20:48
Speaker 3: what are my beliefs around.
20:49
Speaker 2: Alcohol, what do I believe it's giving me?
20:52
Speaker 3: And then we go through an exercise of writing down
20:55
Speaker 3: what are the perceived benefits we get, what are the
20:57
Speaker 3: consequences of it, What are the benefits that we experience
21:01
Speaker 3: when we've had a period of not drinking, and we
21:04
Speaker 3: start to just unpack because society tells us that alcohol
21:08
Speaker 3: is fun and it's relaxing, and you're sexy and you
21:11
Speaker 3: have great connection when you drink, but we start to
21:14
Speaker 3: pull that apart a little bit. So we do that's
21:16
Speaker 3: part of it. We also do the neurotransmitters. So I
21:19
Speaker 3: really support women to understand what's happening in their brains.
21:22
Speaker 3: So many of my women are deficient in gabba, which
21:24
Speaker 3: is the neurotransmitter that helps us feel calm and relaxed.
21:28
Speaker 3: So I give them support to boost their GABA naturally
21:31
Speaker 3: so they don't need to rely on that alcohol fix
21:34
Speaker 3: at the end of the day. And then we look
21:36
Speaker 3: at what are we adding in when we take alcohol out,
21:39
Speaker 3: because we can't just remove alcohol because it's been usually
21:43
Speaker 3: it's a big part of our lives.
21:45
Speaker 2: So if we take it away, what are we adding in?
21:47
Speaker 3: And you know, we talk about all the ways that
21:49
Speaker 3: we boost dopamine naturally, Like I don't know anyone that
21:52
Speaker 3: removed alcohol successfully or changed their relationship with alcohol successfully,
21:56
Speaker 3: for whom exercise was not part of that process. Because
22:01
Speaker 3: we need those ways of boosting dopaly and boosting indoorphins
22:04
Speaker 3: feeling better in ourselves. And so lots of women I
22:07
Speaker 3: find start to they've taken new hobbies. They've got ladies
22:11
Speaker 3: if they've got more time and more money that they've
22:13
Speaker 3: saved from not drinking, so they're horse riding, they're going
22:16
Speaker 3: to the choir, they've taken up piano lessons, they've gone
22:18
Speaker 3: to amateur dramatics, they've gone back to UNI, they've changed careers,
22:22
Speaker 3: and it's just incredible the knock on effect that comes
22:25
Speaker 3: from this one change that changes so many aspects of
22:29
Speaker 3: their life.
22:31
Speaker 1: I think it's pretty interesting to see that the role
22:36
Speaker 1: is kind of shifting. I mean, the mass majority, it's
22:40
Speaker 1: still alcohol is big, but there are these small shifts
22:45
Speaker 1: at least in these menopause groups and conferences where I've
22:49
Speaker 1: been to multiple this year where there is no alcohol.
22:55
Speaker 1: It's all market heels and I'd never seen that. I'd
22:59
Speaker 1: never gone to a party and had them serve mocktails only.
23:05
Speaker 1: It's it's a nice shift because I think it gives
23:08
Speaker 1: women permission to not have to well and to kind
23:12
Speaker 1: of remove it off the table. It just removes it
23:14
Speaker 1: if it's something that's a struggle for you or you know, obviously,
23:19
Speaker 1: as you said, the health aspect of just removing that,
23:24
Speaker 1: I mean, from my groups, it's always the first thing
23:28
Speaker 1: that I'm just like, if you're trying to lose weight,
23:31
Speaker 1: it is the easiest thing to remove, but it's the
23:33
Speaker 1: one that is usually a lot harder than even say
23:37
Speaker 1: like dessert or some kind of you know, salty snack
23:43
Speaker 1: or something like that that they really like it. It's
23:45
Speaker 1: usually that the glass of wine that's the hardest to
23:47
Speaker 1: give up.
23:48
Speaker 2: Yeah.
23:48
Speaker 3: Absolutely, And it's great to hear that you are attending
23:52
Speaker 3: these events that are alcohol free, and I think that
23:54
Speaker 3: people are becoming more aware of both the health risks
23:58
Speaker 3: of alcohol, but how contradictory it is to have an
24:01
Speaker 3: event that's focused on health and then be serving alcohol.
24:04
Speaker 2: We wouldn't serve people's.
24:05
Speaker 3: Cigarettes when they arrived, and you know, we know that
24:08
Speaker 3: alcohol is in the same carcinogenic group as tobacco, exactly
24:13
Speaker 3: the same risk, and so we wouldn't serve people pack
24:17
Speaker 3: of fags on arrival, but we think nothing of giving
24:19
Speaker 3: them a glass of champagne on arrival when they both
24:22
Speaker 3: have the same cancer causing elements to them.
24:25
Speaker 2: And so it's so good to hear that some of
24:28
Speaker 2: these changes are starting to happen.
24:30
Speaker 3: I think, you know, we're a long way from alcohol
24:32
Speaker 3: being in the same place as tobacco, but I do
24:35
Speaker 3: think little shifts are starting to happen.
24:36
Speaker 2: And we also know that the younger generation are drinking way, way,
24:39
Speaker 2: way less than my age group, especially hallelujah.
24:45
Speaker 1: That's good news for the little ones large. I know
24:49
Speaker 1: the thig it won't be a massive Our friends.
24:51
Speaker 4: Here that their kids are in college and in their
24:55
Speaker 4: twenties and they're all non drinkers. That's like kind of
25:00
Speaker 4: the cool you're in the hip crowd. It's very interesting. Yeah, well,
25:07
Speaker 4: especially about your drinking, but the younger kids aren't.
25:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, So how do you deal with if you have
25:18
Speaker 1: some women? Because I know that there's got to be
25:21
Speaker 1: a good there's got to be a pocket of women
25:25
Speaker 1: that are not supported either by their spouse or their
25:29
Speaker 1: friend groups. Do they stick with the friend groups? I
25:33
Speaker 1: know it's not as easy to leave your spouse, easier
25:35
Speaker 1: to leave a friend group. But what's your advice in
25:39
Speaker 1: your groups or possibly in your book about that?
25:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think it's always important to talk to
25:46
Speaker 3: your close friends and say, you know, at the start,
25:49
Speaker 3: when we're first looking to change our drinking habits, it
25:51
Speaker 3: can be really clunky and difficult to be out in
25:54
Speaker 3: a bar where everyone's drinking and you feel really self
25:56
Speaker 3: conscious and really conspicuous that you're not drinking. And so
26:00
Speaker 3: it might be easier at first to have your social
26:03
Speaker 3: plans not in a bar, and maybe you meet your
26:05
Speaker 3: friend for a morning walk or a yoga class or
26:07
Speaker 3: branch or, you do an activity together and then over
26:10
Speaker 3: time you just become more confident and it just becomes.
26:13
Speaker 2: More of who you are.
26:14
Speaker 3: I go dancing now, I go to weddings, I go
26:16
Speaker 3: to concerts. I just think nothing of it, but at
26:18
Speaker 3: the start it does feel a little bit icky. And
26:21
Speaker 3: so it's about finding asking for support from the people
26:25
Speaker 3: that you're close to, but also finding connection with other
26:28
Speaker 3: like minded women. And I think that's why my challenges
26:31
Speaker 3: are as successful and as popular as they are, because
26:34
Speaker 3: it creates a safe space for women who are with
26:37
Speaker 3: other like minded women to come together. And even though
26:40
Speaker 3: it's online, the support in the group is amazing and
26:42
Speaker 3: we have women from the US, New Zealand, Australia, Canada
26:45
Speaker 3: and the UK.
26:47
Speaker 2: Because if you.
26:48
Speaker 3: Don't feel like any of your friends get it, it's
26:51
Speaker 3: good to be able to come into a group where
26:52
Speaker 3: you can.
26:52
Speaker 2: Go, oh, I've had a really stressful day. I really
26:55
Speaker 2: want a glass of wine. And there's someone in the
26:57
Speaker 2: group replies that goes, don't do it. Go and have
26:59
Speaker 2: a walk, and go for a run, go and run
27:01
Speaker 2: a bath. Like just getting that on the spots support
27:05
Speaker 2: is what women so need. Yes, how long does it
27:09
Speaker 2: usually take for someone to stop.
27:12
Speaker 4: Are most people like okay, they make the decision and
27:15
Speaker 4: then they stop, or is it a slow progress?
27:21
Speaker 2: It's usually a slow progress.
27:22
Speaker 3: And I don't think many people come to me going right, Sarah,
27:25
Speaker 3: I want to stop drinking forever. Most people come to
27:28
Speaker 3: me going I've realized that alcohol use has been creeping up.
27:32
Speaker 3: What used to be a glass of wine four or
27:35
Speaker 3: five nights a week has become half a bottle a
27:37
Speaker 3: few nights a week. And then, because we build tolerance,
27:40
Speaker 3: it would be nothing for me to have a client
27:43
Speaker 3: who's drinking a bottle of wine a night, getting up, training,
27:47
Speaker 3: going to the gym, running a job, looking after her kids,
27:50
Speaker 3: and highly functioning. But that's seventy units a week. The
27:54
Speaker 3: recommended guideline is ten units a week. And so I
27:58
Speaker 3: just really, you know, support women in that space to reduce,
28:01
Speaker 3: to cut down, to change what they believe they're getting
28:04
Speaker 3: from alcohol, and then their need for it becomes.
28:07
Speaker 2: Less and less.
28:09
Speaker 3: So for some people they will do my challenge and
28:11
Speaker 3: never drink again. Some people will do my challenge, they'll
28:13
Speaker 3: take a break, they'll notice how great they feel. They
28:16
Speaker 3: will then decide they want to go back to drinking.
28:18
Speaker 3: And moderate, and for some people that works, but not
28:21
Speaker 3: for many, and for some they realize, actually moderation doesn't work.
28:25
Speaker 3: I'm quite all or nothing with alcohol, and it's easier
28:29
Speaker 3: for me to have none than it is to have one,
28:31
Speaker 3: because after I've had one, I always want more, and
28:34
Speaker 3: so it's usually easier to just go net. I'm just
28:37
Speaker 3: going to take alcohol out and I'm going to start
28:39
Speaker 3: creating a life I absolutely love that doesn't revolve around alcohol.
28:46
Speaker 1: So let's move on to your book, Beyond Booze. How
28:50
Speaker 1: did you come up with the title and what does
28:52
Speaker 1: that really? What can women expect to find in that
28:57
Speaker 1: book that we haven't talked about?
28:58
Speaker 2: Yeah?
28:59
Speaker 3: Yeah, So the reason I created this book was because
29:02
Speaker 3: I've been in the alcohol free space for many years
29:04
Speaker 3: at this point, and I could see there were two
29:06
Speaker 3: types of books out there. There were lots of biographies
29:08
Speaker 3: of people sharing their story of not drinking, and there
29:11
Speaker 3: were lots of how to quit drinking, so lots of
29:14
Speaker 3: what does it take to stop drinking? But what there
29:17
Speaker 3: wasn't was a book. The tagline for my book Beyond
29:19
Speaker 3: Booze is how to create a life you love alcohol free,
29:24
Speaker 3: and it's written for midlife women who've noticed they don't
29:27
Speaker 3: fall into the category of being fully dependent alcohol users.
29:31
Speaker 3: They're gray area drinkers, which means they're in the middle.
29:34
Speaker 3: They're not a person that has one glass of wine
29:37
Speaker 3: at a wedding once a year, but they're not daily
29:39
Speaker 3: drinking everyday hard liquor. They're kind of in that middle
29:42
Speaker 3: where they're high functioning, but alcohol's creeping up a bit
29:45
Speaker 3: more than.
29:46
Speaker 2: They would like.
29:47
Speaker 3: So it's written for the midlife woman to identify the
29:50
Speaker 3: reasons why she's drinking and what she can do instead
29:53
Speaker 3: so that her need for alcohol becomes less. So there's
29:56
Speaker 3: a whole section on identifying what fun be for you
30:00
Speaker 3: without alcohol, because lots of ladies have created their entire
30:05
Speaker 3: social life is simply around drinking. And so let's go, Okay,
30:08
Speaker 3: what else could you be doing for hobbies and interests
30:11
Speaker 3: that really light you up as the woman you are
30:14
Speaker 3: today that doesn't revolve around alcohol. Let's look at some
30:17
Speaker 3: stress management techniques. What are you going to do to
30:20
Speaker 3: sue your nervous system so you're not just reaching the
30:22
Speaker 3: end of every day going need a glass of wine?
30:26
Speaker 3: How do we navigate obviously our relationships? Why are we
30:29
Speaker 3: drinking so it's that real journey that I take women
30:32
Speaker 3: on whilst also educating her and teaching her about how
30:36
Speaker 3: alcohol impacts us differently in perimenopause and postmenopause and why
30:42
Speaker 3: that changes, and why you might have been finding alcohol
30:45
Speaker 3: wasn't that bad in your twenties and thirties, but in
30:47
Speaker 3: your forties and fifties, your hangovers are worse, your anxiety
30:50
Speaker 3: is increasing, you're finding it harder to lose weight, like,
30:53
Speaker 3: you're not getting the training results in the gym that
30:55
Speaker 3: you used to. And I go into the science of
30:57
Speaker 3: all of that. Plus there's some great story in there
31:00
Speaker 3: are some women in my community and how they changed
31:03
Speaker 3: their relationship with alcohol and the impact that it had.
31:05
Speaker 2: On their lives.
31:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's super fascinating to me. I'll tell you what
31:09
Speaker 1: I think is is really interesting. So my husband's an
31:14
Speaker 1: advertising and he worked with the CEO of Liquid Death.
31:21
Speaker 1: If you've heard of Liquid Death, the water company, Oh okay,
31:26
Speaker 1: it's in the US. I mean it's kind of everywhere.
31:28
Speaker 1: I took it down to Australia when I went there
31:31
Speaker 1: the first time in twenty twenty two.
31:33
Speaker 2: So fun how this.
31:34
Speaker 1: But the point is is it's essentially water, but it
31:37
Speaker 1: looks almost like a beer, and so it was kind
31:40
Speaker 1: of made for these, you know, the people that went
31:44
Speaker 1: to a bar that wanted to have something to drink,
31:47
Speaker 1: but like, you know, not just have like a paper
31:50
Speaker 1: cup of water or something. So quite interesting in that company.
31:55
Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's worth like I don't even know,
31:57
Speaker 1: like seven hundred million or something like that. Yeah, an
32:00
Speaker 1: insane amount, but the point of just like wow, And
32:04
Speaker 1: now when I go to concerts, I see these liquid
32:07
Speaker 1: death you know, bottles everywhere, and it just it it's water,
32:12
Speaker 1: but it targeted this area that was not being targeted,
32:16
Speaker 1: which I don't know if there will be a women
32:18
Speaker 1: product or something, but it's it's just interesting to see
32:22
Speaker 1: how how much can come out of this trend of
32:27
Speaker 1: not having to have alcohol. And it sure is a
32:31
Speaker 1: money saver. I mean I've seen friends that will spend
32:35
Speaker 1: hundreds of dollars on you know, a nice bottle of
32:39
Speaker 1: wine or a nice tequila or something, and I'm sure
32:44
Speaker 1: that adds up.
32:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a lot of money.
32:48
Speaker 3: And the alcohol free drinks market is massively increasing. It's
32:52
Speaker 3: so great to hear that that's in the US. One
32:54
Speaker 3: of my clients in America, she sent me a photo
32:56
Speaker 3: last week and she was in the supermarket and there
32:59
Speaker 3: was a lady in of her, you know, on the
33:01
Speaker 3: conveyor belt putting all her groceries on, and she took
33:03
Speaker 3: a photo has sent it to me. This woman had
33:05
Speaker 3: a box of mum water, which was vodka infused fruit water.
33:12
Speaker 2: How can it be called mum water when it's Yeah,
33:15
Speaker 2: that just blew my mind. So, while it's good that
33:17
Speaker 2: you've got the alcohol free drinks, there's still a lot
33:20
Speaker 2: of way to go. When you hear that kind of
33:22
Speaker 2: marketing is even being approved and being allowed.
33:26
Speaker 1: Wow, So a big issue for women in their midlife.
33:32
Speaker 1: I like to say, but that did you inten did
33:36
Speaker 1: you set out to, you know, tart like kind of
33:39
Speaker 1: have that market of women given the changes, or did
33:42
Speaker 1: that just kind of naturally fall into your web?
33:45
Speaker 3: It just naturally happened. I just think the more I
33:47
Speaker 3: was talking on social media, the more women of my age.
33:50
Speaker 3: I'm forty nine now, but I was forty three when
33:53
Speaker 3: I stopped, and so the more people just related to
33:56
Speaker 3: being in that stage of life. And you know, it's
33:59
Speaker 3: a hard stage of life to be in. You've got
34:01
Speaker 3: teenage kids, aging parents, you know, for a lot of people.
34:04
Speaker 3: You're going through perimenopause, you're working full time, you're trying
34:07
Speaker 3: to find time to go to the gym, to regulate
34:09
Speaker 3: your nervous system, to make home cooked meals like it's stressful,
34:13
Speaker 3: and I always say, God, how did I have time
34:15
Speaker 3: to drink? Because I couldn't do any of this with
34:17
Speaker 3: a hangover now. But what most people don't realize is
34:21
Speaker 3: they think the way they feel is normal and an
34:24
Speaker 3: inevitable part of aging. But what they don't realize is
34:28
Speaker 3: when you take the alcohol out, even if it's only
34:30
Speaker 3: one or two drinks a night that you're having, we
34:32
Speaker 3: know that that will disrupt your sleep by up to
34:33
Speaker 3: forty percent. You're still not going to be feeling as
34:36
Speaker 3: good as you could. And so my message is always
34:40
Speaker 3: this isn't about going you must not drink. It's about
34:43
Speaker 3: experimenting to see, well, how do I feel if I
34:47
Speaker 3: take a break from alcohol. It takes seventy two hours
34:49
Speaker 3: for alcohol to leave the system. So even if someone
34:52
Speaker 3: has a drink three times a week, every second or
34:55
Speaker 3: third day, they're still never on their a game in
34:58
Speaker 3: terms of maximize their potential, whether that be in the gym,
35:02
Speaker 3: whether that be at work, whether that just be having
35:04
Speaker 3: the energy and vitality that they want to have in
35:07
Speaker 3: their life. And so I always just say, see it
35:09
Speaker 3: as an experiment. This is your life, this is your
35:12
Speaker 3: one opportunity at life. So let's start optimizing where the
35:16
Speaker 3: little gains might be for you feeling the best that
35:18
Speaker 3: you can.
35:19
Speaker 4: I like that user as an experiment and just see
35:23
Speaker 4: how you feel. I bet that resonates with people.
35:27
Speaker 1: Yeah, it definitely is. I would say, for at least
35:33
Speaker 1: in my personal situation, this is the hardest freaking time
35:37
Speaker 1: of life. Like I it was hard when you had
35:41
Speaker 1: babies and toddlers, no question, like physically demanding, monotonous like
35:47
Speaker 1: all of that. But this stage right now, it is
35:49
Speaker 1: it's like you have if you have kids, you probably
35:52
Speaker 1: have like teenagers, or if you're like Laura, you have
35:55
Speaker 1: a toddler, so you're doing something hard in both of those.
35:59
Speaker 1: And then you have the aging parents, and then you
36:01
Speaker 1: have things that are starting to happen to yourself, and
36:03
Speaker 1: then you have your sleep that's going out the window.
36:06
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm like grabbing onto anything that's an easy win,
36:11
Speaker 1: that's low hanging fruit, because it's all just like everywhere.
36:17
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think the thing about alcohol is it's
36:20
Speaker 3: low hanging fruit for the short term. For sure, twenty
36:23
Speaker 3: minutes thirty minutes, you get that relaxation, but then what's
36:27
Speaker 3: happening physiologically for your body to be able to cope
36:30
Speaker 3: with the alcohol is actually causing way more issues longer term,
36:34
Speaker 3: and so it's finding ways to bypass the short term
36:38
Speaker 3: craving for alcohol to find ways that we're just going
36:41
Speaker 3: to be able to steady ourselves more on the bigger picture,
36:44
Speaker 3: so the need for alcohol becomes less.
36:46
Speaker 2: Yeah.
36:48
Speaker 1: Well, Sarah, so you talked about your collective group and
36:54
Speaker 1: you talked about a product that you have that's self paced.
36:57
Speaker 1: So when is your next chat and where can women
37:03
Speaker 1: find you for more information?
37:05
Speaker 3: So the next challenge will start on the fourth of January,
37:08
Speaker 3: and that's a thirty day challenge for women from all
37:10
Speaker 3: over the world. We've got incredible guest experts that come
37:13
Speaker 3: in and talk about all different aspects of women's health
37:16
Speaker 3: as we're aging and the impact that alcohol has and
37:19
Speaker 3: how to know how to manage your stress without alcohol,
37:22
Speaker 3: how to have fun without alcohol.
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Speaker 2: It's just a great community.
37:25
Speaker 3: So head to my website, register on my newsletter and
37:28
Speaker 3: you'll be the first to hear when it is available.
37:31
Speaker 3: Follow me on Instagram, which is at Sarah Musbatch. But
37:34
Speaker 3: like I always say, if we don't try, we don't know.
37:38
Speaker 3: And a lot of women think the way that they
37:40
Speaker 3: feel is normal and inevit and just what we can
37:45
Speaker 3: expect from aging. And I feel like I'm aging backwards,
37:48
Speaker 3: like I'm about to turn fifty and I'm in the
37:50
Speaker 3: best mental, physical and emotional wellbeing of my life. I'm
37:53
Speaker 3: celebrating my fiftieth running London Marathon, which is so different
37:58
Speaker 3: to how I celebrated my fortieth. Let me tell tell
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Speaker 3: you that, I'm like you know, I've got way more muscle,
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Speaker 3: I've lost loads of visceral fat, I've lost loads.
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Speaker 2: Of weight, I have tons of energy.
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Speaker 3: And it's not just because of not alcohol, but removing
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Speaker 3: the alcohol allowed me to focus and have the time
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Speaker 3: and the mental capacity to work on the things that
38:18
Speaker 3: have increased My strength, increased my vitality, increased my energy
38:22
Speaker 3: and everything like that. So it's a catalyst to so
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Speaker 3: much other change as well.
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Speaker 4: I love it.
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Speaker 1: Well, ladies, there you have it. A great New Year's
38:32
Speaker 1: resolution is to join a group if you want to
38:35
Speaker 1: get curious about taking down your alcohol intake or just
38:40
Speaker 1: getting curious with your relationship. So thank you Sarah for
38:44
Speaker 1: your time and just introducing this topic that is often
38:50
Speaker 1: not talked about enough. So thank you for your time.
38:54
Speaker 3: You're so welcome, and yeah, any ladies that are listening,
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Speaker 3: reach out to me. The Facebook group is the Women's
38:59
Speaker 3: well Being collect and my book is Beyond Booze Perfect.
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Speaker 1: Thank you Sarah, thanks for listening everyone.
39:06
Speaker 4: If you enjoyed this episode, please consider giving us a
39:09
Speaker 4: five star rating and sharing the body Pod with your
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Speaker 4: friends