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Notice the Person Nobody Notices · Infinite Threads with Bob Barnett

• 0:00
  [music]
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, hey, hey!
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Infinite Threads.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Bob.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: This week, we're doing something different.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to spend five days simply talking about empathy,
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: kindness, connection, and all the things that we usually explore here.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: I want to test some of them.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, welcome to the Infinite Threads experiment.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Five episodes,
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: five small experiments,
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: nothing dangerous,
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: nothing expensive,
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And unless I've badly misjudged humanity,
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: nothing that should get any of us arrested.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: The idea is simple.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Each day, I'm going to give you one thing to try.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Not because I have some scientific study going on in the background with people
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: in white coats watching us through one-way glass,
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: but this is more personal than that.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I want to see What happens when we deliberately change one small part of the way
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: that we move through an ordinary day?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And today's experiment may be the simplest one of the week.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Notice the person that nobody notices.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: You probably already know who I mean.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: The person cleaning the floor while everyone walks around them.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: The employee gathering carts in the parking lot.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: The delivery driver dropping something at the door and disappearing before we've even opened it.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: The person behind the counter who has become part of the machinery of the place in our minds.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: We see the uniform.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: We see the job.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we don't really see the person though.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: I caught myself doing this once.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I was somewhere waiting in line,
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: probably thinking about whatever enormously important thing
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: that I had convinced myself I needed to accomplish next.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: There was a worker nearby doing some fairly thankless task.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: I don't remember exactly what it was.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that's part of the point.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: I barely registered him.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Then somebody ahead of me said something to him.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing dramatic.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: They used his name.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: The man looked up and smiled.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: And suddenly, suddenly he wasn't part of the background anymore.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: He was a guy with a name.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that stayed with me.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because...
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: I realized how easily people can become scenery to us.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Not because we're cruel.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Most of the time we're just busy.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're thinking about dinner.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: We're checking the phone.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's the usual one, isn't it?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: We're trying to remember whether we locked the car.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Our own story is running so loudly that everybody else becomes part of the set.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: So today, today we're going to interrupt that.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the experiment that I'd like you to do.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: At some point during your day,
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: deliberately notice somebody that you normally would have passed
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: without much thought.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's all.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to launch into a deep conversation and please,
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Please don't corner some terrified grocery employee and announce that
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: a podcast has instructed you to explore their inner lives.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't about making anyone uncomfortable.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's about recognition.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Make eye contact if it feels appropriate.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Say hello.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Say thank you and actually mean it.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: If there's a name tag Use the person's name naturally.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody is doing something that makes your day easier, acknowledge it.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then pay attention to what happens next.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Not only to them, but to you.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's the experiment.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because I suspect something interesting happens when we deliberately turn
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: a background person Into a foreground person.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: The whole scene changes.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: The cashier isn't just the final obstacle between us and the parking lot.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: They are somebody who has been standing there for hours dealing with hundreds
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: of little pieces of other people's lives.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: The custodian isn't simply part of the building.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: They're the reason that the building works better than it would if nobody did that job.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: The person delivering our food has a life that existed before they pulled into
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: the driveway and will continue after they leave the driveway.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: We know all of that intellectually.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: The experiment is to remember it in the moment.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that distinction matters.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to find out when you try it, when you consciously are aware.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: We can believe that every person has value and still move through half the day as
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: though other people are furniture.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Humans are funny that way.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Our beliefs and our attention are not always in the same place.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And attention may be one of the most underrated forms of care that we have.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the difference between someone saying thanks while looking
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: at their phone and someone looking at you and saying it.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Same word, completely different experience though.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: One is almost automatic and the other says for half a second,
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: I know there's a person standing here and that can matter more than we realize.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: There's also There's also a reason that I'm starting our experiment week here.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked a lot recently about seeing beyond our own stories.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: This is what that looks like when we take it out of the podcast and put it in the parking lot.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't always begin with some enormous act of compassion.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it begins because we stop walking long enough To notice another human being.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes something else may happen.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Once you deliberately start looking,
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: you may realize how many people around you are doing small things
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: that hold everyday life together.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody stocked the shelf.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Someone cleaned the restroom.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: A person took the trash away.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody came in before sunrise and turned on the lights.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Most of those things become visible only when they don't happen.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's strange, isn't it?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: We often notice people most clearly when something goes wrong.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Today, today, try noticing someone because something went right.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: And there's one rule that I want to add to this.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Don't make this about proving how kind you are.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody needs to hear afterward that you heroically thanked a cashier.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: That would rather defeat the purpose, don't you think?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: You're not rescuing anyone.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: You're practicing awareness.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a difference.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: The person that you notice doesn't need to be grateful for your recognition.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: They don't owe you a smile.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: They may be tired.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: They may barely respond.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that's okay.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: The experiment still worked because the real change began with you.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: For a moment, another person became Fully real in your attention.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I want to pay attention to this week.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Small shifts.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Not grand declarations.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: What happens when we change the way we enter ordinary moments?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe nothing dramatic happens today.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: You say, thank you.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody nods.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Life continues.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe you become a little more aware of how many human lives rush against yours
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: during a single day.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And once you start seeing them, it becomes harder to go completely back to sleep.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: So guys, that's experiment number one.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Notice the person that nobody notices.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Don't hunt for some perfect opportunity.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Just go through your normal day with more awareness.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually someone will appear who you might normally overlook.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: This time, don't.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: See what happens.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: And if something interesting does happen,
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: I genuinely love to hear about it because if we're going to call this an experiment,
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: we might as well collect a little evidence.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Tomorrow, we're going to try something that may be a little more uncomfortable.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: There is probably someone that you've thought about contacting maybe several times.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: You keep meaning to send the message.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Then another day passes.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Tomorrow, we stop meaning to.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: We send it.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, guys.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you very, very much.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: I love you very, very, very much.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what I need you to do?
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: Go on out and pass that on, okay?
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Later, Gators.
• 11:55
  [music]