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He doesn't want her to move with him...yet · Scott & Ally on Demand

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: All right, you know how around here we have a very specific building or a company that starts with uh core, ends with ing, uh and uh a town named after that too.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: And some sometimes they transfer people around.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's not uncommon that you might get somebody that's lived here for a while has to go to another part of the country.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: Kind of got one of these situations going on.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_02: Explain to Allie what's happening.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'm sorry.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_02: Let me come over and actually turn your uh your phone on.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: Go ahead.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I might have to relocate to another state if I want to keep my job.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I was trying to figure out how to break the news to my girlfriend because actually let me back up a bit.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um she's got three daughters, and we've only been dating about nine months.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: So somehow, while I was explaining everything about this potential move, she got the impression that she and the girls would all be coming.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so, yeah, I didn't have the heart to correct her in the moment, so now I'm kind of stuck.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: And the thing is, I really do care about her a lot, but I just don't feel ready to jump into being like a full-time father figure after less than a year together, if that makes sense.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and the other thing is she hasn't always been the most consistent with work, so I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about her losing her job, and then I'm like financially responsible for everybody if something happens.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm just not ready for that yet.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, I figured we'd just try the long distance thing for a while and see where the relationship went, but now she's all excited about a big, fresh new start together, and I feel terrible.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: I gave her that impression.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and now the longer I wait to clear it up, the worse I feel about the whole thing.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: So now I'm trying to figure out how to walk this back without making her feel rejected or like I've been leading her on.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I really don't want to lose the relationship because I think we have something good here, but I also don't want to promise a future I'm just not ready for yet.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: So just want to see if anyone's had this kind of miscommunication before and how you cleaned it up because right now I just feel like the worst guy ever.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody has this sort of miscommunication, whether it is you don't want the moment you're in right now, which might be a good moment, potentially ruined by other news and stuff like uh, you know, that could happen in the world.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, things happen.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: You know how many I I'm not saying it happens often, but we've all been in a situation you're like, I don't want to I don't want to mention this right now because it's gonna totally change a vibe or a dynamic, even on a small level for just a day.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: No, I definitely I've had that recently.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: But uh as far as this goes, I think that him being honest about not readying, ready, not ready to get into dad mode quite yet to be able to do that.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then that's gonna end it.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna ruin the relationship.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: And and especially because I've never done a long distance thing.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: But if you put some negative feelings on top of going long distance, I don't see and and especially because being long distance while you have two kids or how many of us.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, three kids.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: So it it's hard to get those three people, three extra people with you or meeting in the middle or something like that.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: I and you know, it it gets so hard to for even him to come back here to visit that it's like you're never really invested in not only me, but even the family dynamic.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because eventually you do need to step in that role.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: How do you step in that role when you're living across the country and you're not right, you're not ready now, the foundation isn't there right now, it's never gonna be.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_02: So you're saying that he probably should come right out and be like, Because what's happened is it sounds like she immediately went to the mode of, hey, this is gonna be a great new start.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_02: And I can also understand why.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: If you haven't exactly had the best of job career paths here, right, like maybe, you know, stability and all that.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_02: This is solid.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_02: The grass looks greener.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that and I also think that yes, the relationship could be going well for what it is.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Here right.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Not what it really needs to blossom to eventually.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: It just doesn't sound like they have a future.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: Is that where you're gonna stand with it?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: They don't have a future at all.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_02: Because if he says, I don't know that I want you to move with me right away.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_02: Is there a way that because here's the thing.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: Do you think he actually wants to be with her, but he's just not sure of how this will play out?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_02: Or do you think he this is him subconsciously going, This is my out?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even think he looks at it like an out just yet.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: I think that yes, the relationship feels good, and of course you want to keep something going that feels good.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're not even, if you're this apprehensive about this situation, then in the long run, it's not the relationship for you anyway.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: See, I thought it was a very mature statement though to say, I'm not 100% sure after nine months I want to, because the minute you leave this area and those pe and that family comes with you, it's a different dynamic from like, oh, the grandparents are here.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_02: Let's say it's Cornington, North Carolina.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_02: How often does that happen with Corning Incorporated?
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: All the time.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, you're leaving people behind that could be here connected to that family.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: Now you really are.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: So I I kind of respect his thinking about I don't know that I want to be in that role of being the parent and the and potentially the sole provider for everybody.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_02: That's another one, too.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: I think if he sees that, all right, what do you guys think?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: Shoot us a text or you can call.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, but uh definitely jump on the app.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: Wink 106, Twin Tears Magic, My Radio Jams.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: Does he need to say something very quickly?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: Does he wait until it gets closer to finding out?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: Here's the thing.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_02: He's not right.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: He's not 100% sure he's gonna.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_02: He it's not guaranteed he's leaving.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: Right, but I still feel like it's potentially if you say something now and they decide not to transfer you, now you're still here and without a relationship.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: I think that oh but regardless, I just don't think he's ready for this depth of a relationship.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: He's ready for the fun stuff.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, let's see.