Latest / IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective / This is the ONE Thing to Help Your Teen With Resilience

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This is the ONE Thing to Help Your Teen With Resilience · IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

• 0:00
  Ben: I'm Ben Pugh and you're listening to IMPACT! Parenting with Perspective.
• 0:06
  Ben: This podcast is all about helping parents manage the mental and emotional drama that comes with parenting teens so they can focus on what's most important.
• 0:17
  Ben: Building rock solid relationships and having a powerful impact on their teen's life.
• 0:22
  Ben: Join me each week as I dive into real tools to help you and your teen turn struggles into strengths.
• 0:32
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: All right guys.
• 0:33
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Welcome back to the podcast guys.
• 0:36
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Today's a special day because we have Cortni here.
• 0:40
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: So special.
• 0:41
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I know, seriously.
• 0:43
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: both of us live busy lives and so sometimes there'll be a week in between Cortni being here because she's busy or I'm busy or we just don't wanna see each other that day, and we just passed.
• 0:57
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: That's not true.
• 0:58
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Wait, you've never done that to me.
• 1:00
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: No,
• 1:01
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I was starting to wonder.
• 1:03
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: absolutely not.
• 1:05
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: So today we have, I don't know, kind of a weird topic.
• 1:12
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I feel like for those of you who have listened to last week's has not, we at all.
• 1:21
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: It Was on my list to do this afternoon.
• 1:24
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Well, you, you, you should listen to it the moment it comes.
• 1:27
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Just Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:29
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I completely understand.
• 1:31
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And like, if you haven't listened to last week's, that's fine.
• 1:35
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I talked about the Philly Karen, which I feel bad like even calling her that I, I don't think we should like label people and.
• 1:45
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Be derogatory and put them down, but I feel like that was a very timely episode for me because I recorded that in the morning, and then later that day there was the Charlie, the Kirk shooting, and for those of you who don't know, I live in Utah.
• 2:07
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like that incident happened two hours away from me and.
• 2:15
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I felt like the things that I talked about in last week's podcast about like, what can I learn from this?
• 2:20
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: How does this help me better be the man that I want to be?
• 2:26
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Was really timely for me, and it helped me process some of these t discussing, Hey, what are we gonna talk about today?
• 2:37
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: One of the things that I think is appropriate is talking about struggling and how parents are struggling, and your teens are likely struggling, and it feels like in today's world there's a lot of struggle, a lot of discomfort associated with that struggle, and I kind of just want to have this podcast.
• 3:04
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Let you know it's okay if you're struggling.
• 3:07
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: It's okay if you're going through the discomfort of life and that you can trust that that is how you build r I'm just gonna throw you under the bus super early.
• 3:25
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Tell me.
• 3:26
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Little bit about like what you were telling me, like you're worried for your kids, like the bus situation and like tell me about some of the discomfort and the struggle that you're experiencing lately.
• 3:39
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Yeah, so my younger kids, my daughter is six and she has this little Buda belly and she has become so self-conscious of it and it makes her sad and it breaks my heart.
• 3:54
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: you know, I remember growing up, my mom talking to me, it almost felt like a put down, but maybe she was being helpful, but about my weight and.
• 4:02
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I just didn't like how that felt.
• 4:04
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: So I'm trying to find a different way to navigate it and help her, and just making better choices for the family and more things outside, or just being more active to help her so that I, I don't put her down.
• 4:16
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: and then my 8-year-old, almost 9-year-old, just feel like sometimes he's left out in the neighborhood and at the bus stop, and I see the sadness on his face.
• 4:28
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Of course I want to rescue him, but I think I just want to give him the tools to navigate it.
• 4:35
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: But, but like I told you, I don't bring it up to him.
• 4:37
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I don't point it out.
• 4:39
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I just, I'm like you.
• 4:40
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Okay?
• 4:41
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: And if he brings it up to me, then we'll cross that bridge.
• 4:44
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: But it's just hard to see when your kids look uncomfortable and you wanna help.
• 4:50
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah.
• 4:50
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah.
• 4:51
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Really good.
• 4:52
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And the funny thing is I was, oh, complaining isn't the right word.
• 4:57
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like I was telling Cortni like, man, I'm struggling.
• 5:01
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Maybe I was complaining a little bit.
• 5:03
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Whining a little bit.
• 5:04
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I was whining,
• 5:05
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: No,
• 5:06
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: after the Charlie Kirk shooting, like I was.
• 5:10
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Really disappointed in the way a lot of people handled that.
• 5:16
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And I had some frustration based on a previous conversation with a friend who was basically like, man, I wish, rather than like mass shootings, I don't even know if I can say this on the podcast without being censored.
• 5:31
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Who knows?
• 5:32
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: But like, basically it's like rather than mass shootings, like we should just take out specific people.
• 5:38
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: That are inciting this.
• 5:40
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And I'm like, yeah, but who gets to be that judge?
• 5:44
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And he's like, well, think of all the lives you could save if like someone would've assassinated Hitler.
• 5:50
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And the conversation just didn't age well and it was close enough to what happened that like part of me wanted to call him up and be like, dude, is this what you wanted?
• 6:03
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like this.
• 6:05
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: This isn't who I want to be.
• 6:07
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: This isn't who I want our nation to be.
• 6:12
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: A book that we both read against me and she's like, Ben, just let them and let yourself.
• 6:23
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And I was like, gosh, you're right.
• 6:25
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like it is not my job.
• 6:27
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: To manage this other person's model.
• 6:30
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: It's not my job to manage the whole country's model.
• 6:33
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: It's my job to let them be who they're going to be and intentionally be the man that I want to be.
• 6:41
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: And let you decide how you want to interact with him and like what boundaries you wanna set.
• 6:46
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: If it makes you that uncomfortable and that frustrated.
• 6:49
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah.
• 6:50
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And so when Co okay, not whining, but like expressing like, Hey, here's what I'm going on.
• 6:57
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like the same principle applies like, let your kid be uncomfortable with how they look.
• 7:05
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: That's okay.
• 7:06
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: That's part of the process of developing comfort.
• 7:10
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Yes.
• 7:11
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Sorry, I just, my heart, she's only six and I just know as she gets older in junior high and speaking from experience, you know, a woman that grew up and times were so much easier back then than they are now.
• 7:24
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I just, I'm dreading for like, what's 10 gonna look like?
• 7:28
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: What is 13 gonna look like?
• 7:30
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Am I prepared for 16?
• 7:31
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Am I gonna survive 16?
• 7:33
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Like I just want her to have all the confidence in the world because that girl has had no shame for so long.
• 7:39
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: She rock whatever she picked out, like she would dance or sing in front.
• 7:45
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: She didn't care.
• 7:45
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: And now I'm seeing her become self-conscious.
• 7:48
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Which is normal human development, by the way.
• 7:55
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Let's talk about.
• 7:57
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Do you have, so before we hit record, I shared a traumatic event that I experienced.
• 8:04
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I don't know if it was traumatic
• 8:06
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Yes, it was.
• 8:07
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: and,
• 8:08
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: would've to say,
• 8:09
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: but like did you have any event similar to that?
• 8:12
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And I'll tell you mine here in a minute.
• 8:14
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I feel bad Cortni's gonna have to hear this twice in one day.
• 8:17
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: But did you have anything happen to you similar to that?
• 8:20
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I've heard many of your stories multiple times.
• 8:23
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I mean, I just remember very vividly being called a pig in third grade.
• 8:28
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: there was a boy that used to tease me about wearing wind pants all the time.
• 8:31
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Wait.
• 8:31
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Wearing what?
• 8:33
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: wind pants, you are not that much older.
• 8:36
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: You remember wind pants?
• 8:37
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: The ones that like ruffled, like walk
• 8:40
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Oh yeah, the windbreaker.
• 8:42
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Okay.
• 8:42
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah.
• 8:43
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: But wind pants were a thing in, I don't know, was it 96?
• 8:47
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Maybe 97.
• 8:49
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I grew up in Utah.
• 8:50
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I felt like Utah is like a year behind.
• 8:52
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: So
• 8:53
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I was in Montana, so maybe we were a couple years behind, but he used to tease me all the time about it.
• 9:01
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I don't have nobody, like I didn't have mass.
• 9:03
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: People embarrass me at once, but
• 9:07
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: yeah, we'll talk about that one in a minute.
• 9:09
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I still cry when I share the story.
• 9:12
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: but.
• 9:14
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: What did he call you?
• 9:15
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like?
• 9:15
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Little pig.
• 9:16
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: pig.
• 9:16
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: A pig.
• 9:17
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Okay.
• 9:18
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Yeah.
• 9:18
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: We were outside on the field.
• 9:20
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: How,
• 9:21
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: School,
• 9:22
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: how has that benefited you today though?
• 9:26
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I mean, I feel like all the adversity, and I say this all the time and I like that you're gonna turn it on me, but all the adversity, all the challenges, all the hard encounters I've had over the years has made me a kinder person, a more accepting person, a more patient person.
• 9:45
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Like I feel like I am who I am because of the struggles.
• 9:49
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah.
• 9:51
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: thank you.
• 9:51
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Yeah.
• 9:52
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah.
• 9:53
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Now here's the thing, and Cortni and I, we should seriously just start hitting record when we start talking and just let people into the whole conversation.
• 10:03
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: But we talked about before we hit record, like.
• 10:08
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Our parents parented us differently and they were less involved in some of the dramas that we were involved in as kids.
• 10:19
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And we had to process those alone and go through those alone.
• 10:24
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And we didn't talk about struggles and emotions as openly as we do now.
• 10:29
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And so we had to go through this process alone, which built resilience and which.
• 10:36
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Helped define the type of person that we're going to be.
• 10:40
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: So I will share my version of the story that, of what happened to me.
• 10:47
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I think I was in seventh grade.
• 10:49
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I can't be sure.
• 10:53
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah, I think it was seventh grade.
• 10:55
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Anyways, those of you who don't know, my last name is Pugh.
• 11:01
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I always know when like Marketers call me.
• 11:03
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: 'cause they're like, is Ben Puff or Ben?
• 11:07
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like, they just butchered my last name anyways.
• 11:10
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I remember one specific lunch day.
• 11:13
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: What's that?
• 11:14
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I said puff.
• 11:15
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I know I always wanted to name one of my children, Hugh, just so people would feel dumb when they'd be like, Hugh Q Puff, puch.
• 11:24
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like how you pronounce like, yeah, pug.
• 11:28
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I get that one a lot.
• 11:29
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I'm like.
• 11:30
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Guys, it's just like Hugh, but with a P.
• 11:32
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Anyways, so rewind back.
• 11:35
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Seventh grade was a rough year.
• 11:37
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like I believe this was the same year that I accidentally let my school bus on fire.
• 11:42
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: But I remember in a lunch room with my lunch tray in both hands, walking to a table full of kids that I thought were my friends and.
• 11:56
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: This thing was planned, but I sit down and the moment I sit down, everyone on the table gets up and is like, P you.
• 12:07
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And they like leave and go sit somewhere else.
• 12:09
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And I'm sitting at this lunch table with everyone in the whole cafeteria looking at me and laughing, which.
• 12:20
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Hindsight, I can appreciate the humor here.
• 12:23
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like that was a good one.
• 12:25
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And it was funny.
• 12:26
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: But in the moment I remember my bottom lip just quivering.
• 12:31
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And I remember willing myself not to cry in front of the whole cafeteria.
• 12:40
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And here's the thing, like I remember teachers and lunch aids being there and laughing.
• 12:47
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I don't remember anyone like coming and checking on me and being like, Hey Ben.
• 12:52
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: That was kind of brutal.
• 12:53
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Alright.
• 12:56
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: The way we did things and I can like, it might sound silly, but that event has impacted my life so much.
• 13:07
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like I remember being sad, I remember being embarrassed and here's like the worst part about me.
• 13:15
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like I'm a 40 some odd year old man, and this still happens to me.
• 13:21
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: If I get slightly embarrassed, my face turns red.
• 13:26
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: That happens to you too?
• 13:27
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: and my ears.
• 13:29
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah.
• 13:29
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like you can feel your ears burning.
• 13:32
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Hot.
• 13:32
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Yes.
• 13:33
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah, like I feel like my whole face becomes Rudolph's nose and so everyone knows, like I remember one time one of my kids.
• 13:42
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: At church farting just so loud and like I just turned bright red.
• 13:48
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Now everyone's like, oh, that guy's red.
• 13:50
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: It was probably him.
• 13:51
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: No, I just wanted to point to my kid in church.
• 13:56
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: But the thing is that was an uncomfortable moment and one that in large part I had to process all by myself.
• 14:08
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: With no tools, no life coach, no therapist, not even a friend in that moment like I was alone.
• 14:18
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: But that is one of the most pivotal moments of my life.
• 14:23
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like I am kind to people.
• 14:27
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I am very accepting.
• 14:30
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like I always want people to feel included.
• 14:33
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I go over the top to make sure.
• 14:37
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: That people are accepted and people are allowed to join us.
• 14:42
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And Deb, my wife recently shared a video with me.
• 14:46
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I couldn't find it today.
• 14:49
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: We'll have to have her share it with me again.
• 14:50
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: But there's another, I don't know, influencer coach, I don't know what she is, maybe a therapist, but she was talking about resilience and she asked.
• 15:00
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I don't know if it's a student or what, but like tell me about resilience and this girl's like, man resilience feels like such a good positive thing, but in the moment of being resilient, it does not feel good.
• 15:15
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: It does not feel positive at all.
• 15:18
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And if you are struggling as a parent or if your teenager is struggling.
• 15:25
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: That discomfort is just an indication that you are living in resilience and building resilience, and I think resilience, oftentimes, it's like this catchphrase that people will use.
• 15:41
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And we give it the wrong image.
• 15:45
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like, man, our kids are gonna be resilient and they'll just bounce back.
• 15:48
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And we need to help people understand.
• 15:52
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: No, it's uncomfortable to be resilient and that's okay.
• 15:56
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Mm-hmm.
• 15:57
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And if you're struggling right now, I promise you, you are not alone.
• 16:00
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I.
• 16:00
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Cortni's struggling.
• 16:03
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I'm struggling.
• 16:04
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I talk to parents and teens all the time that are struggling.
• 16:08
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I am a high school football coach.
• 16:11
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: It breaks my heart to see some of the things that teenagers are dealing with nowadays, and I just, I want to kind of do this podcast number one.
• 16:24
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: The, if you're hurting, I promise other people are hurting.
• 16:28
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like everyone's going through something.
• 16:31
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And if we can really intentionally be the human beings that we want to be, I feel like we can help ease the burden and ease the struggles of people around us.
• 16:43
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And also when you can put struggle into a different category in your mind, like, no, it's okay to struggle, it kinda eases part of that emotional burden.
• 16:54
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Any thoughts on that?
• 16:56
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Yeah, there was so much.
• 16:57
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I need to start writing it down while you speak'cause I have all these things that I wanna piggyback on.
• 17:02
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: And unfortunately I can't remember them all.
• 17:04
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: but as you're talking, I feel like it's a coaching call for myself, like my kids to struggle to be resilient.
• 17:12
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: My mind went to anxiety, and I know we've talked about that before, how so many kids and young adults struggle with anxiety and it's encouraged or like.
• 17:26
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: It doesn't help that the parent isn't allowing their child to be uncomfortable
• 17:30
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah.
• 17:30
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: they're like coddling that and creating that anxiety.
• 17:34
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: When you confirm to your kids that, oh yes, you should feel uncomfortable.
• 17:37
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Yes.
• 17:37
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Here, let's do something about that.
• 17:39
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: You're confirming to them that it should make them feel that way.
• 17:42
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Right.
• 17:42
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah.
• 17:44
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: we have, A patient at the office, and I think she's like 25 or 26, she's a teacher and her mom calls to make her doctor's appointments and she never shows up to get her fillings done because she's has anxiety it's, I'm like, it, I don't, I don't know.
• 18:01
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I don't wanna do my children a disservice by stepping in like you just made me realize.
• 18:07
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I want Maxwell to navigate this, and if he needs help, he'll ask me, I want him to be able to deal with this when he is older or I want him to get that resilience.
• 18:16
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: That's,
• 18:17
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah.
• 18:18
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: you planned this, you wanted to do this to help me, didn't you?
• 18:22
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah.
• 18:22
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I just, I have cameras set up all around wherever you go, like the grocery store, and I'm like, oh, geez, I can see this is what Co no, here, here's the thing about resilience, by the way.
• 18:38
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: You said I want.
• 18:40
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: My kids to have this.
• 18:43
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: One of the things that I believe about resilience that might be a little different than the way most people talk about resilience.
• 18:52
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I like to think about resilience as a human trait and not even necessarily a human trait.
• 19:00
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Probably a trait of all living things, like if you're still alive.
• 19:05
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: That like you've been resilient.
• 19:07
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And a lot of times I feel like in education in particular, we talk about resilience as this thing that kids don't have and that they need to have.
• 19:21
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And my thing is no.
• 19:22
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I think resilience is like muscles in your body.
• 19:26
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Everyone has muscles, everyone can move and like we all have it now the question is.
• 19:34
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: How strong is that?
• 19:37
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: we had a football game last night.
• 19:40
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Oh, I was so mad.
• 19:41
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: We lost by four points and we were winning and we should have won.
• 19:47
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: But kids weren't resilient and like one specific kid, he has been injured and he's been out for two weeks.
• 19:56
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And man, when you're out for two weeks and then you come and try and play a football game without enough preparation.
• 20:04
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And this kid was dying and he is like, oh, my ankle hurts.
• 20:07
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Oh my knee hurts.
• 20:08
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I'm like, dude, nothing hurts.
• 20:10
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: As bad as you think it hurts.
• 20:12
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: It all hurts super bad because you're outta shape and you're trying to find good excuses to come outta the game.
• 20:20
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And that's the nice thing about me being a coach.
• 20:23
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like I just call it how I see it.
• 20:24
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And fortunately my pillars love me, but he is like, yeah.
• 20:29
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I'm going to get, I'm gonna work harder, so I'm in better shape next week because after the game I was like, how's the ankle?
• 20:35
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: He is like, doesn't even hurt.
• 20:36
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: How's the knee?
• 20:37
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Doesn't even hurt.
• 20:38
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I'm like, see, the thing is, resilience isn't something that you're either born with or you're not.
• 20:45
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Resilience is part of being human, and the next question is, how can I strengthen or increase.
• 20:58
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: My resilience and the answer sucks.
• 21:01
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: You gotta go through hard things.
• 21:05
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Yeah.
• 21:07
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: And it's one of those things that you can't say when you should have it or how much resilience you should have at what age.
• 21:14
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Like you learn these lessons as you learn them, as they come along.
• 21:17
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: If you've had it really easy in your youth, then maybe you learn a lot more hard lessons when you go off to college or you know, you'll learn them when you're ready and hopefully become resilient.
• 21:29
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Yeah.
• 21:30
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah, and here's the thing I would highlight if I could like underline everything you just said, change the lettering to be bold and highlight it so people actually pay attention.
• 21:43
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like you have the resilience and whether you develop it as a kid or as an adult, you have resilience and.
• 21:54
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: There's a process and that process is discomfort.
• 21:59
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And that's what it takes to use resilience.
• 22:04
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: It's kinda like courage.
• 22:05
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: We like to talk about courage, like it's this big beautiful thing.
• 22:09
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And like we love it when people are courage.
• 22:12
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I don't, or when people exhibit courage and people are courage.
• 22:15
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah, courage.
• 22:16
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I.
• 22:21
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: The thing that we fail to Understand is that in the fa, like when you are, when you are being courageous, you are deathly afraid and facing that fear in the face and being who you want to be anyways, that's being brave and it sucks.
• 22:37
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Being brave or being courageous probably feels really scary and really hard.
• 22:43
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: What are you grinning about?
• 22:44
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like.
• 22:44
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Sorry, were you?
• 22:45
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: No, go ahead and make your point.
• 22:46
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I was just proud of myself for being brave and courageous this morning, but you finish your point and then I'll tell my pitiful story.
• 22:52
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: No, that that's the point.
• 22:54
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like it's hard, it's uncomfortable, and it's okay.
• 23:00
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: So, Co
• 23:03
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Oh, it's so silly.
• 23:05
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: So Old Navy talked me into getting this Old Navy card and there's like, you get additional perks.
• 23:10
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: And so I wanted to get my kid, like my oldest sweatpants,'cause every time he needs sweats, it's, he spend$200 on three pairs of sweats and I could get'em down to like.
• 23:21
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: 15 bucks a pair.
• 23:22
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: And so I ordered all this stuff in different colors, different sizes.
• 23:25
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: 'cause the store doesn't have it.
• 23:27
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: So today I had two huge bags of returns and I text my best friend and I was like, I'm embarrassed, like I don't wanna walk in here with all this stuff.
• 23:35
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I wanna do two different stores, like two different times.
• 23:37
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Like, goes, just do it, don't care.
• 23:39
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: And I was like, no.
• 23:40
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Like I probably had 40 things.
• 23:43
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: And I started listening to the Let Them Theory and she right before I walked in, she gotta the point where she's like.
• 23:49
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Let them have bad thoughts about you.
• 23:51
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: And I was like, you know what?
• 23:53
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah.
• 23:53
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: gonna let them think whatever they wanna think about my two huge bags of returns.
• 23:58
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: gonna be a huge weight off my shoulders.
• 24:00
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I told you it was silly, but like I was brave.
• 24:04
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: It was because I did not wanna take all that stuff in
• 24:07
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah, and here's the thing, that story is a little silly and like, it's not like earth shattering, but if you can, no, it's awesome though.
• 24:20
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: If you can practice resilience in that struggle.
• 24:24
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: The exact same skills you can also implement in a harder struggle like seeing your kids struggle.
• 24:32
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Here's the thing that I think most people don't realize.
• 24:34
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like I talk to parents all the time that want their children to be more resilient, more confident, more happy.
• 24:45
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: You can't control how resilient, how confident, how happy your child is.
• 24:51
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: But you can be the change that you want to see in your child.
• 24:56
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And recently I did a free consultation where like, this is the process that kind of me and someone who's thinking about working with go through to see if we wanna work together.
• 25:07
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And this mom, I'm there with the mom and her teenager and she's like, yeah, we just want our teen to be less anxious and less Oh.
• 25:18
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Stressed out throughout the day and more confident and more happy.
• 25:22
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And I'm really good when I work with teenagers.
• 25:25
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like I can read their body language and feel when they're like at the end of their attention span.
• 25:32
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: So like I do my coaching, get to the end of this kid's attention span, and I'm like, all right dude, I'm gonna set you free.
• 25:38
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I'm just gonna talk to your mom for a minute.
• 25:41
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And I was like, tell me like how was.
• 25:44
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Your confidence or your husband's confidence.
• 25:46
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: How do you guys deal with anxiety?
• 25:49
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: How happy are you guys?
• 25:51
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And she's like, yeah, we're struggling.
• 25:53
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And I'm like, look, I love working with teens.
• 25:58
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I did it.
• 25:58
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: You want to help your teen, but the most powerful thing that you can do for your teenager is be the change that you wanna see.
• 26:06
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: If you are struggling with anxiety, it makes complete sense that your teen is struggling with anxiety.
• 26:12
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: If you can find a way to be responsible, like, man, I want my teen to be more resilient.
• 26:17
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Ask yourself a question.
• 26:19
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: How can I be more resilient?
• 26:22
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: How can I be the change I wanna see?
• 26:24
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And right now we live in a world where we are constantly focused on others that we wish we could change or fix or control or improve.
• 26:37
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And I would invite you.
• 26:40
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Ask yourself, how can you be the change?
• 26:43
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And this kind of ties back into that, that poor lady called the Philly Karen, if you happen to meet her, please treat her with compassion and kindness.
• 26:54
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I, I, I feel like we've probably all done something that looking back, we're like, oh, I wish I wouldn't have handled it that way.
• 27:02
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And thank goodness it wasn't count or captured on camera and broadcast to the whole population.
• 27:10
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: But the principle that I brought up last week is these circumstances are opportunities for self-reflection and personal growth.
• 27:20
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And even with like the Charlie Kirk thing, like I don't care where you stand politically.
• 27:27
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like you might be devastated by that.
• 27:30
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: You might be happy about that.
• 27:32
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: The thing that I would invite you to do is to explore what is this?
• 27:39
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Bringing up in my life, who would I want to be in this situation?
• 27:45
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Who do I want to be?
• 27:47
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: What is something that I can work on?
• 27:50
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And the reality is life is full of lessons.
• 27:55
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And it's interesting.
• 27:56
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Before this call, I was on another coaching call and the person I was coaching, she's dealing with lessons in her relationship, in her business, in her parenting.
• 28:10
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And I'm like, look, these are all just the same lesson on different dimensions and life is all about lessons and.
• 28:21
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: It's trying to help you grow and be who you want to be.
• 28:26
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And in the moment that's uncomfortable and it feels like struggling and that's okay.
• 28:31
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: That's the purpose.
• 28:33
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: So, okay.
• 28:35
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Cortni, anything you wanna add before we let these good people go?
• 28:39
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Yeah, it might be a little off topic, but when you were talking about you want, you know, the Tina is anxious or, I feel like when we pick.
• 28:47
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: all these things of our, about our kids that we want them to be or don't want them to be.
• 28:52
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: They feel that, especially if we vocalize it, but that's gonna create more anxiety and more like uncomfortableness for them.
• 29:00
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: And I, I don't know.
• 29:01
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I feel like we perpetuate the problem, we keep it going.
• 29:04
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: So if we can fix ourselves or focus on ourselves and not focus on our teen, maybe it will give them the space to take a breath and like.
• 29:14
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Do something for themselves, because if they're constantly fighting against what we're telling them or what we don't want or want them to do, it'd be hard.
• 29:23
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah, yeah.
• 29:26
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Thi this is probably a little too deep.
• 29:28
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I shouldn't do this at the end of the podcast, but your teen, the reality of your teen exists in your mind, and you have an image of who y I hate to break it to you.
• 29:43
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: That's gonna be different than the reality of your teen, for your teen and for their football coach, and for your spouse and whatever.
• 29:52
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: So you have this version of your te in your mind.
• 29:58
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: One of the most powerful things you can do is don't let your identity for your teen, like the way that you view them.
• 30:07
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Don't let it be defined by.
• 30:12
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: The things that you're afraid of, because that will only solidify that into your perception of your teenager.
• 30:22
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: So
• 30:23
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Mm-hmm.
• 30:24
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Hopefully that makes sense.
• 30:26
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Yeah.
• 30:26
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Well, that's the lens you're gonna see them through.
• 30:28
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: So even if they do something right, you already have it in your mind that, well, no, it actually wasn't.
• 30:34
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: don't know.
• 30:34
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I feel like if you look for something, you're gonna find it.
• 30:37
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah, and the lens that you see your teen through is going to influence the lens through which they see themselves,
• 30:45
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Mm-hmm.
• 30:46
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Mm.
• 30:46
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: is scary and it's a big responsibility, but I promise you, you're up to the task.
• 30:52
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like it's better to be aware of this so that you can be intentional, even if you've like.
• 30:59
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Done it completely wrong.
• 31:00
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Like there's no right or wrong, but like I can see in times when I'm like, dang, I fed into my fears by viewing this.
• 31:09
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: And that became my teen's reality because he's just embracing my perception.
• 31:15
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: So, gosh, I feel like that was a little heavy right at the end.
• 31:19
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Here's what I wanna say, guys.
• 31:21
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: You're doing great.
• 31:22
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: The fact that you're here listening to this podcast, even if you're struggling in life and you feel like, man, it's, it's been heavy lately.
• 31:31
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: You're doing great.
• 31:33
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Keep it up.
• 31:33
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: You are the exact parent that your teen needs, and there's a reason you're not perfect because some of the lessons that you are learning right now are lessons that your te But through you doing this work and learning the lessons.
• 31:49
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: You are impacting them.
• 31:51
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: You are helping them get what they need.
• 31:53
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Trust that, trust yourself, and just keep moving forward and just come back next week.
• 32:01
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Yeah.
• 32:02
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Maybe it'll be me, maybe it'll be me and Cortni, who knows.
• 32:07
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Okay, Cortni, thank you for being here.
• 32:10
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: This as much as you say like this is like a coaching call for you, I feel like it helps me as well, so thank you for being a part of this.
• 32:18
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: yeah.
• 32:19
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: I just like the reminders when we have conversations, it's just, it brings me, it recenters me,
• 32:24
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Yeah,
• 32:24
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: thank you.
• 32:25
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: yeah, my pleasure.
• 32:27
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: All right, and all of you other guys listening, thank you for being.
• 32:31
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: Yeah,
• 32:32
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: guys, guy.
• 32:33
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: I use Guy as a gender neutral term.
• 32:36
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Maybe it's not.
• 32:39
  squadcaster-82h4_1_09-12-2025_115239: for all you folks out there.
• 32:40
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: Ok.
• 32:43
  ben_1_09-12-2025_105239: See you guys next week..