Latest / Alive, I Guess Podcast / Episode 19 - Nostalgia Be Happenin

Transcript

Episode 19 - Nostalgia Be Happenin · Alive, I Guess Podcast

• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: What's good, Joe?
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to your safe space.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, RJ, and this is the Alive I Guess Podcast.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: If you're new here, welcome.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you for joining.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've been here, welcome back.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you as always.
• 0:32
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• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you have any inquiries, feedback, questions, concerns, email us at alive I guesspodcast at gmail.com.
• 0:50
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• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you already know, seven dollars a month on the Patreon as extra bonus, exclusive content, behind the scenes footage, and everything else that you don't get on these regular episodes.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're going to be discussing nostalgia.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now, me myself, I am a very nostalgic being.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: I find myself living in past memories, experiences, very reminiscent of times.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it feels like when there's a lot going on in the world in my life, just where I am currently, I find myself going back to those times.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And because there's already so much going on today, I for sure find myself being very nostalgic.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: There was even a point in my life where I said I would rather live in the memory of something than actually being in it in the present.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that crazy?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we're gonna talk about it today.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: But before we do that, you already know we gotta do some gratitude.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are listening today, say something out loud to yourself that you are grateful for.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are watching, drop something below in the comments.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Today I am grateful for the ability to learn as you go.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I could not learn as I went, this podcast would not be a thing.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: If I could not learn as I go, a lot of the different accomplishments and levels of success that I have reached in my life would never have happened.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: If I had to get it all set up and down packed and just learning the ins and outs before I got started, I wouldn't be where I am today.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I wouldn't be where I know I'm gonna be in the future.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I am grateful to be able to learn as I go because you gotta go, and that'd be the hardest part is getting going.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: But all right, let's get into it because nostalgia be happening.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Nostalgia can be such like a warm, bittersweet type of thing.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: It makes you like yearn for people, places, things, times that you no longer have, even if you do still have like the people or the places or you know, whatever, whoever was there during the time that you're nostalgic about.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the same.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can drive past your school, you can still be cool with some of your classmates, but it's not the same as that time you were in that class, in that grade.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: You get what I'm saying?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like everybody has the holidays, a birthday.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you take annual trips every year, you go certain places, certain restaurants, but it's not quite the same as it used to be when you were maybe like a kid or like younger, if you're an older adult, like and it sucks because it's like you can't get back to that because that time has passed, that moment has shifted, and now we're in this new phase of life.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it's always like this pull, this yearning for something that once was.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: And as we progress through life, as we move through transitions, as different things in life happen: death, health issues, aging, unemployment, birth, we tend to lean on nostalgia or be more nostalgic in those moments because they're familiar, they're grounding, they represent a moment of like joy, peace, happiness.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so we tend to cling to those moments when we're in these uncertain moments or like just needing something familiar to help fill us up because you know it's a lot going on.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, as adults, there's always something going on, it seems like.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: And in order to stay grounded, we tend to look for something that means a lot to us.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: So can't speak for y'all, but for me, I always find myself thinking back to like childhood, like certain particular moments of childhood, or people who used to be in my life, activities I used to do.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'll get random, like memories of random things that could be like so small, like playing in the backyard, or just looking out at a view that I have come across hundreds of times as an adult, but like something about that time that just makes you really reminiscent and missing it, that it's just like, oh, I wish I could go back to it.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: You never know how good it is until you're out of it.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: And when I'm going back to these places mentally, it's not necessarily to like escape.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, now sometimes I am using it as an escape from my reality, but there is a certain level of like healthy nostalgia that isn't escapism, trying to not be where you presently physically are.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is just like an appreciation for the past versus trying to live in the past, trying to live in the moment so that you avoid where you are.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's where I find myself.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Not so much the escapism, but just like a healthy relationship and love and appreciation for past times.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want to sit here and say like nostalgia is necessarily because you want to go back.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's about just like grieving what's changed, what's no longer here.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's like our brain's way of reminding us what once was and what once mattered to us, but not to like torment us.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like to build an appreciation for it and to give you something I feel to like come home to within yourself, if that makes sense.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm getting a little too deep.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: But typically in these nostalgic moments, you find yourself maybe going back to like a simpler time, a less complicated, complex time of life.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Usually that is childhood, when you're not paying bills and worried about paying taxes and getting gas and cooking dinner and everything else you could be worried about today as an adult.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a reminder and a place that we can go back to to kind of understand and recognize the simplicities and beautiful moments of life.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because we tend to just look at life as, especially as we're in it, we tend to focus on the negative things.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it's important for us to be reflective of the good times because if you're just looking at a situation as always bad, always negative, just doom and gloom all the time, then your outlook on that entire thing, your outlook on life isn't going to be a positive one.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel these moments that come up in nostalgia are just reminders to ourselves of life is beautiful.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Life can be beautiful.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: They've had lots of beautiful moments for yourself.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: And here are some.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then it replays moments for you that can show you exactly that.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: But of course, as you're reflecting on things from the past, you know, a lot has changed from the past.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Some people are no longer here, so there can be like a grief or just a hurt that comes with being nostalgic.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because a lot of times you're thinking of people, you're thinking of places, you're thinking of activities, you're thinking of things that usually involve other individuals, and not all those individuals are there.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if they're here, now they're older, life might look different with you.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: I think about a lot of times where I had like family gatherings on a side of my family specifically, and we were all real close, real cool.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: We were always together every holiday, even like Labor Day, like not so much the bigger ones, 4th of July.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we always found a reason to get together and commune and cook, spend quality time.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And now, I mean, I'm they probably still get together, some of them, but like people are older, some people aren't here anymore.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: People now have kids, and so they're going off doing their own things.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it looks different.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, even though for the most part everybody is still here and we can still go back to the homes in which we used to celebrate in, it's not the same.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's just it's just different now, and so that's like a grief that comes with it, but ultimately, when I look back at it, I feel more love and joy than I do grief.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I even find myself nostalgic of like past versions of myself, the versions that were full of wonder and exploration and curiosity, adventure, the version that thought the world had so much more opportunity, and not to say that isn't the case now, but I one was not aware of the bigger external systems at play that could affect it, but also it was quite different when I was a child.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like things were more possible that they aren't possible for or possible today.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I digress.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Point aside, like I know back then there were just it felt like more opportunities for me to do more things, and I felt so limitless.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Where it's like today I understand a lot more, I understand who I am in the world and how that plays into these different effects or systems that are in effect, and so not to say things aren't possible, but there's a lot more limitations and a lot more hesitation because of it.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't have that limitation or hesitation before.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so, as this virgin today, especially being a person who is diving into this creative career, I wish I could go back to that person who didn't know better, I guess, or know about what was going on around them and just did off of what they felt inside of them and just went with it with no fear, no caution, no doubt, just went all in and couldn't be stopped.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Really believe they could do anything, really believe they could fly.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm questioning everything, I'm taking calculated steps, reassessing, making sure everything is safe.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Not to say that's a bad idea, but it's just different.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like there, I wish I could be more carefree and care less about perception, um, like I did before, because I think a lot of that tends to get in my way today.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, there's just missing places.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: I grew up in the Bay Area.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a real Bay Area native, you know about the jungle.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know about Cusar.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know about all the hot spots, how pop and Berkeley used to be.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: You remember Bay Street before Bay Street was even there.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: You remember what SF used to look like before Salesforce Tower, the old Bay Area Bridge.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if you were there, you remember when the Carkinas Bridge had that other bridge right next to it and tore it down.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you really from here, you know.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: And now all these things are gone.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: It looks completely different.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: The Bay Area that like the next generation is growing up in is not the Bay Area that I knew and people I grew up with knew.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like that's not even that's not even the Bay Area, like the Bay Area culture that be at the Warriors games and in the streets and the hyphy culture, like that is such a watered down, commercialized ass, bogus ass type thing.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Drives me crazy.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so it makes it even more like, damn, I wish we could go back because you never really understand how good it is until it's gone.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so you for sure find yourself missing missing places, times, cultures, just elements of the physical that might not be here anymore.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: And even if they are here, they probably feel a lot different because we're different, we change.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: So even if something is still around, your relationship to it is gonna be different than from what it was maybe 10, 20, 30 years ago.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: What's crazy to me about nostalgia is you could be going on about your day, living your life, focused on something completely like X's and O's, and very tactical and data-driven, and no room for wonder or whimsy or nothing.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: You are just like dialed in, like, I gotta get this shit done.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden, you'll hear a song, or someone will mention a movie, or you will smell something, and it will take you right back to a time.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: It is like the craziest transformation, like in a mental space and your imagination, like how quick it's able to take you back to a place or time.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, wow, like it really activates your senses, all the senses.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: Mainly, I to me, I feel like sound, smell, and maybe like sight for like movies and stuff, but yeah, it'll be snatching me back.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes when I smell like certain like baked goods, it reminds me of childhood, times with like family.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: There's this one bush.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what kind of bush it is, but when I smell this bush, this tree, this plant, I'm pretty sure it's a bush, it reminds me of like early morning school.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's what I used to smell when I go to school.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's when it's like crisp out, it's kind of rainy, like it's like seven in the morning, you know, like it's darker.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: It was just like the mornings hit different, like time just hit different.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: But every time I smell that plant, and I can't even tell you what the plant looked like, can't tell you the name, but when I smell it, I go back to like fifth grade in my mind.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's wild, it's like magic.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like when your senses get activated, I feel that's like the quickest route to memory.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like it bypasses logic, it bypasses anything that you kind of tell yourself to get in the way of it, it just snatches you right back there.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it activates again this yearning that you didn't even think would be something you would yearn for or be reminiscent of until you snatch back in it, and it's like, oh, you sit in it and you're like understanding of how great that moment, that time really was in your life.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, of course, when I was a kid, you think I enjoy waking up and going out there and being outside?
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's cold as hell, and then I gotta go to school, and I smell these stinking ass bushes, and I don't know what it is, and I hear this bird cooing up in the sky, and I'm just tired and I want to go home.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: You think when I turned into an adult, I would somehow think about this time and be like, wow, what a simpler time.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: No, we don't know it, but here I am being appreciative of that time.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know, maybe maybe y'all ain't hearing me.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: I could be crazy, but I think I'm making sense.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not like you like choose to feel it, you don't get to pick and really choose the nostalgia.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: There can be moments that you intentionally go back and think about and be reminiscing and wishing you could go back to, but usually in these moments of your senses being triggered, it just pulls you to a certain time that you don't really pick.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like, you remember this moment?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: You remember this day?
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: You remember this scene that you were watching?
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: Do you remember this time period in your life?
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I really like that because there's a lot I have forgotten over the course of these three decades.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, my memory's good, don't get me wrong, but because of how humans are today and all the information we receive and how constantly stimulated our brains are, like, my brain is just like getting rid of stuff that I don't really need to survive.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I've forgotten a lot of things.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: But when I get pulled into this nostalgic whip, if you will, snatch, I don't know, it takes me back and I'm able to see everything so clearly.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Things that I completely forgot about.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that's kind of like refreshing because it's like, oh, I do still have memories.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not losing it all, but also like wow, life was really good and simple, and it's hopeful that life can be good still, even if it looks a little different today.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: But the thing is trying to like recreate that feeling or like relive that moment is like a trap, you know, because you really can't.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can't can't speak your time chasing chasing the dragon.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: There are individuals who try to chase a time period instead of letting it go.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: The ones that be at the high schools in their 20s, like, why you at the high school game, bro?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: Your kids ain't playing.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: You just up here just cuz, like you don't want to let it go, or like people who keep talking about a certain time, like you still hanging on to that?
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: That was like 10 years ago.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: Who cares?
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: People who especially like talk about high school specifically, because that seems to be like the peak for a lot of people, unfortunately.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't care about anything that's happened in high school.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, I don't, I did a lot of great shit that is worthy of talking about.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to because that was like 15 years ago.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: 14, oh my god, years ago.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, and I'm not gonna keep bringing it up to like relive my glory days, like, okay, yeah, you got good grades and you did really well in basketball.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: How is that playing into your life today?
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so like trying to relive it over and over and chasing that feeling, like you're never gonna get there.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: So being appreciative of the moment and the memory of it when it comes up is important, but like let the past be the past, appreciate it for what it was, let it be a lesson and let it teach you things so that you can apply it and use it in the future.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: But don't be living in the past, like you gotta let it go.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking of letting the past teach you things that you could bring to the future, nostalgia and thinking about the past can absolutely teach you things that you can apply to your current life or to the life that you want to lead.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: When you think about the things that were important to you as a child, the activities that you once cherished, people in your life, like moments and tangible items that you can recall from the past, that kind of tells you where your values lie.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: Even if we get lost, because sometimes we get lost in all that's going on as we age, as we navigate the world but if you can go back to that that teaches you more about like what's really important to you at your core when we're children we get a lot of our core beliefs during that time a lot of our core core essential things about ourselves at that time core memories our outlook on the world in general and so a lot of things from our childhood make us who we are today even if we get away from it a bit as we get older so if we are in times where we are reflecting back and thinking back to these times of being a child it can help us get closer to the things that we value, we appreciate and that we want in life.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it can also help you see like what was actually good?
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: What's actually still good to me that I can apply today?
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: What are things that I've actually outgrown and served me at this time in my life but no longer serve me today?
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: What are some things that I used to do that I will never go back and do anymore I mean this is an easy one but I used to love sugar.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: I think about how I used to come home after school and drink like three sprites that is pure sugar.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: I used to snack like I wouldn't really like eat food like I'm eating a bunch of snacks and my family's like this so I get it honest but like how does that apply as an adult sometimes we fall into old habits.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: When I get in these moments where I'm like damn I'm starting to snack again I'm like oh I get it this is because this is something that I've been doing my whole life I see how it served me back then.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: I can't be snacking and eating the sugar and shit now or maybe like something more because that's like duh the ways in which I handle negative emotions.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: So when I was younger even to like my younger adult life when I got in trouble or became overwhelmed or just anything negatively impacted me I would shut down completely so that I kept from like spilling out onto people around me.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: As an adult when I'm doing that I understand like this probably isn't the best way to handle this.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: Now we're an adult now we handle stress now we take on environmental things that affect our health like it's probably not good to hold on to all this so although this is something I used to do in the past is teaching me like no I can't do this anymore.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: I need to change into a better healthier happier habit.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so now I've gotten to a place where I can express myself I'm not even getting that angry anymore.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know so like letting the past teach you things about the present and understanding the root of why you do things so that you can change things in the present moment.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: If done correctly we could use nostalgia as more of like a compass to help us get through the present instead of escaping it.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like it can help us move forward in our life from this point with a better perspective better ways in which we go about things but not to use it as a tool to completely ignore where we are right now because that's not healthy.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it can also serve as a reminder of like things that we like and maybe even bring to our realization that like some of these things do still exist maybe in different forms but if you miss doing an activity like I be missing hoop I am obviously not in college playing basketball every single day anymore but like there are adult leagues you can hoop at the gym like it's more helping me get to a point that I can still enjoy things today enjoy basketball today even if it looks different.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like you don't have to go back to what you were doing exactly in the past but those elements are still there.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: It might look different now because maybe I'm not the same hooper I was not the same hooper.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: IQ is sharper physical is not no so it's going to look a little different today.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: So let the nostalgia get you back to those things that you love with a little twist.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah it's true we cannot go back to the past we are different from who we were but we aren't completely different.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: Things aren't completely gone from how they used to be there are some parallels absolutely between who you were and who you are today.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: No I'm not a kid no I'm not still playing basketball.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: No I don't do the things that I used to do as a kid like going outside and playing drawing childhood things however I still have that childlike wonder in me.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: I still enjoy basketball even if I'm not playing I still like coloring and drawing sometimes like it's more therapeutic today and I understand it's more therapeutic but I haven't lost those things I can still tap back into them today as an adult like it's still there and I get little reminders and nudges from the universe when it's time to like tap into those things especially when I'm like stressed but it's not gone.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: You can still do these things you're just not a kid or the same person that you were at the time doing them because like it's a whole new version of yourself.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: You're not even the same person you were yesterday when you really think about it.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like all we have is a present moment.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: We can't live in the past so it's always gonna look a little different if you're comparing it to before and some stuff maybe we loved and we slowly abandoned it with time but maybe not everything was a loss.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe some things we needed to lose to help us grow.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there were past activities past memories past events places people that once served us but they couldn't go with us into the new chapters of life and so we had to move away from it that's not necessarily a loss I don't take that as a loss anything that I lost in the past that ultimately worked out in my favor by not having and that's people that's things that's opportunities I don't consider a loss it's part of growing it's part of life there's only two constants in life and that's change and change everything's changing you're not gonna be into the same things people in your life are not gonna be the same ways forever sometimes you're gonna lose things you're gonna lose places you're gonna lose the familiar so sometimes it's a loss sometimes it's growth so whenever like nostalgia comes up honor it you can honor where you're from you can honor your childhood you can honor the people from your past you can honor things about your life that you once overcame that you've gone through like it's more of a badge of honor rather than being sad that it's over.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: What's that quote?
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: Don't cry because it's over smile because it happened I think that's a great way to look at it.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like don't look at it as damn it's over and like this is being thrown in my face like let it be a reminder of all that you've overcome all that you got to experience everything in your life that has helped get you to this point.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's like a beautiful playback of life and it has things you can even apply and bring back into your current life if you want but it's not like a bad thing.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually a great thing.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: So let yourself feel it it's kind of like grief.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: It can be painful but ultimately it's coming from a place of love.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: We only grieve things that we love.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't love it you wouldn't be sad that it's not here.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: So find comfort in the fact that it's coming from a place of love.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it's cool to like visit the past from time to time but don't don't try and move back there.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: Don't don't get stuck in the past because the past is the past and we gotta be present.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: We got to be where our feet are and if you find yourself missing things about the past find ways to honor it whether that's listening to old music watching old movies revisiting people that maybe you lost connection with maybe bring a new ritual to things from the past so that you don't lose that connection to it but you don't have to chase what's gone you could just bring in a new version of it to your current life.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: And if nothing else remember that you are currently in somebody's present moment that will one day be part of their nostalgia.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: So make it a present moment that is worth being in that's worth remembering in the future and don't let it pass you by because you'll never get this moment back.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: Alright y'all let's get into this I Say This With Love segment as a reminder if you want to submit for a chance to have your situation read during one of these segments you would visit the tiny URL link submit your information there and I will read it do you think it's okay to be friends with your ex if you're currently in a relationship I say this with love.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's such a loaded question because like there isn't much context around it so I I will speak to my own experience if there is no foul intentions everybody's being respectful of everybody's relationship and there are no ulterior motives on either side there's no sneaking around there's open communication with your partner and before any of this your partner's cool with it I don't see why not but also within that same breath this isn't a person you need to be hella cool with like y'all had a relationship y'all don't need to be best friends in my opinion to me like there's just certain boundaries that need to be had with someone you used to be in a relationship if you're in a new relationship because if y'all are super close y'all are gonna be talking about your relationship like the ins and outs and I don't think that is appropriate um just because of how intimate of relationship y'all two used to have and so I would probably say like yeah friends but not like besties because if y'all want to be besties y'all could be together I also understand not every partner is uh cool with that my partner and I understand like we gon' have friends we are cool with people um and we don't really trip off I feel things that people should or regularly do trip off like we ain't tripping off like if you Instagram friends with your ex.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: We ain't tripping if you see them in person and you say what's up like it's not that like at all.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um but there is a a certain level of respect you have to have like don't be getting too cool too buddy buddy because at the end of the day this is your ex and so just walking that fine line but that is me I don't know if you speaking about yourself but it's ultimately up to like what you and your partner decide is appropriate for your relationship but for me and mine like it's cool up to a certain degree am I cool with my ex no but that has nothing to do with my wife like me and my ex just aren't cool because we aren't um but yeah those are just my thoughts all right y'all that's it for today as a reminder follow us on the socials hit us up on the email if you got any questions inquiries or concerns you hitting the tiny URL link for those I say this with love submissions and you following us on that Patreon baby because we're going up over there and I am so excited next episode will be our very first guest episode it's such a great conversation with an even better human being and I can't wait for y'all to see it.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: So make sure y'all are here next week and also if y'all feel in this beautiful dope ass hat it is by a very dear friend of mine and I will link it in the description below make sure y'all following her on Instagram as well support black businesses but I appreciate y'all for joining and as always I'm RJ this is the Alive I guess podcast and I'll see y'all same time next week I'm a live like